Jul
18
18
Another Lesson From The Animal Kingdom
Shorter Matt Barber:
ABOVE: Asswipe
J. Matt “Bam Bam” Barber, Renew America:
‘Gay’ penguin flies straight
- Although a whiny-ass liberal homo mocks the idea of going “ex-gay,” he obviously is unaware of a penguin in San Francisco that did just that. Address my penguin, fag!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
John D. said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:09
Chilly Willy, Tennesse Tuxedo and Sparky the Wonder Penguin should chair a joint press conference, to address the very serious issue of “ex-gay penguins”…and the greasey, fat, right wing creeps who love them.
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:11
Bam Bam needs a few more “Libertys” in his CV.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:12
Flounder really has a weird obsession with homosexuality, doesn’t he? He also seems fairly defensive of the “Ex-Gay” movement.
I wonder what that could mean.
BenSix said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:14
Nature is wonderful, isn’t it. Wonder if he’d like to hear about the mallard…
MzNicky said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:16
Hey, where’s the love for Uncle Walt Cronkite, who died last night? The man was a legend. Sorry for the interruption.
Dr. Mrs. Marita: How ya doin’ young lady? Still feeling OK? Update, if you please?
Tintin said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:17
I think Bam-Bam’s new “face-do” says it all.
tigrismus said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:19
Still, it appears that Pepper has yet to hit rock bottom. In recent days he has reportedly been spotted waddling around the zoo’s public men’s room, skulking in stalls and inexplicably tapping his flipper. There’s even speculation that, as things continue to spiral, he may consider a run for political office as a Republican
Expanded for verity.
Oswald Cobblepott said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:19
Waugh! Waugh! Waugh! If this Bamm Bamm character comes anywhere near me, I’ll pump him fulla holes with the old umbrella machine gun! Don’t I have it bad enough with the Caped Crumbum and Boy Blunder always ruining my crimes without some right wing tub ‘o lard dragging me into his sexual insecurities? Waugh!
PATRIOT ACTION said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:24
TEH PENGUIN MAKES ME HORNY ESPESHULLY WHEN HE PLAYD ROCKY’S LOVER.
tigrismus said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:26
Also, the supposed quotes from Besen aren’t in the article he links because it’s all bullshit Barber made up. Besen’s actual response. I think Besen’s hotness has baked Barber’s noodle, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
Bill E Pilgrim said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:32
Hello! Well, it’s just after eight o’clock, and time for the
penguinWingnut on top of your television set to explode.BURMA!
There. I’ve run rings around you logically.
pedestrian said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:41
I hate it when guys do that.
PATRIOT ACTION said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:47
LAUGH IT UP LIBS, 6THE PATRIOTS IN THE MIDWEST ARE RISING UP TO SMITE THE ILLIGITAMTE SOCIALIST GOVERMENT AND REPLACE IT WITH GODBASED GOVERMENT LIKE IN THE CONSITUTION
King Kot of the Kooba Kingdom said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:49
Of course…. the problem is Teh Mattster has to explain how the penguin got teh ghey to begin with, considering folks like him think it has to be learned, not inhereted.
Evidently this penguin must have gone to school in Berkely or something.
Bill E Pilgrim said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:50
I tried Godbasing once but I couldn’t keep the communion wafer lit.
pedestrian said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:51
Erick Erickson’s post on Redstate today, in its entirety:
First they came for Mary Jo Kopechne and I said nothing…
pedestrian said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:53
Real Americans prefer Constitution-based government, like in the Bible.
Bill E Pilgrim said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:54
I think trying to make extreme right wingers into normal people is misguided. Oh sure, they’ll act normal for a while but you just know before too long they’ll be passing some bar full of provocatively dressed batshit crazy ideas like birth certificates for penguins or something and won’t be able to resist going in to chat one up. Then before you know it they’re back at the keyboard, blogging.
tigrismus said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:54
THE CONSITUTION
They threw the T into Boston harbor.
Newbie McNoob said,
July 18, 2009 at 17:55
Hey, where’s the love for Uncle Walt Cronkite, who died last night? The man was a legend. Sorry for the interruption.
No offense to the Cronk, but I’m a bit wary at the prospect of facing one more hagiographical lovefest this soon after Michael Jackson’s demise.
We could argue back and forth if corporate news as a whole during Uncle Walt’s heydey was anymore accurate than it is today. I only know that when compared to the likes of Limbaugh, Cronkite was a friggin’ Beacon of Truth.
I’d rather SN waits to mock the first wingnut that inevitably will explode in inchoate rage (Malkin, Schlussel, etc.) over coverage of “The Most Trusted Man in America.” That would be the only fitting tribute this site can provide.
Jek Porkins Jr. said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:03
My dad was a combat vet, and during WW2 the penguins on Attu and Kiska valiantly battled Japanese invaders. They were protecting their homes, and if, during the heat of battle, they dropped a pebble at the feet of a same-gendered penguin (instinctual penguin mating behavior, penguins are weird) nobody would question the rightness of a soldier’s solace sought.
The Kid from Kounty Meath said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:07
HOT PATRIOT-ON-DOG ACTION seems to be particularly offended by LIBS LAUGH[ing] IT UP. He must be a humorless troll-do.
Bigby said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:08
PATRIOT ACTION IS NO MERKIN PATRIOT, also.
pedestrian said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:11
they dropped a pebble at the feet of a same-gendered penguin (instinctual penguin mating behavior, penguins are weird)
That explains that time when I was 8 and I spilled my box of Milk Duds at the zoo. Your insensitivity has triggered my fear of flightless birds and made me feel unwelcome on the internet.
gordonsowner said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:12
So I’m waiting for the video of the other zealous christian penguins who were the ones who talked this penguin into this and who will support him for like a week until the penguin goes back… I assume it will look a lot like this, but with tuxedos… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRT3zs23sLk
PATRIOT ACTION said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:18
LIBERALS ARE SOOOO SENSITIVE, BUT AMERICAS ENEMYS ARE NOT, YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT THEM THIS WAY, BY CARING AND SHARING AND SURRENDERING TO MUSIMS AND SOCIALESTS
J— said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:26
Trigger fish, trigger fish, trigger fish!
tigrismus said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:26
I wasn’t surrendering, I was just dropping a pebble.
PATRIOT ACTION said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:31
SOCIALISM HEALTH CARE IT THE NEXT STEP TO FASCISM AND PRIVATE PROPERTY AND FREEDOM ABOLISHED
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:32
tigris’ T comment FTMFW
J— said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:33
“Bam Bam”
Undefeated in his professional career. Impressive.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:40
Dr. Mrs. Marita: How ya doin’ young lady? Still feeling OK? Update, if you please?
Thanks for asking, MzNicky. Still hanging in there. Less than 2 months to go. I’m trying to eat properly, and get enough sleep and that sort of thing, but sleeping is kind of hard between being enormous (well, it feels like it anyway, I’m not really that big), and leg cramps, and asthma, and having to get up every couple of hours. Nothing unusual, though, and Gavin is very good about the constant chocolate and ice cream missions he’s sent on, so that helps. None of the dreaded late preggo complications have popped up (ie, no gestational diabetes or preeclampsia, so far). Little guy seems to be doing well, and has a favorite spot under the rib cage to kick at. Joy!
We’re trying to figure out exactly what baby gear we need to have by the time we bring little Studebaker home from the hospital. Advice, anyone?
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:42
Oh man, Bam Bam works in the Liberty “Law School” career services office. That’s gotta be a tough job when a Democrat is in the White House.
FelixMoronia said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:46
Now you’ve done it Lady Doctor Missus Marita. Asking this crowd for advice on baby accessories. Shudder!!
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:51
Now you’ve done it Lady Doctor Missus Marita. Asking this crowd for advice on baby accessories. Shudder!!
I’m sort of assuming only 80% or so will be recipes, Feilx…
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:54
We’re trying to figure out exactly what baby gear we need to have by the time we bring little Studebaker home from the hospital. Advice, anyone?
We went through this in March. It’s exhausting but awesome. The single best thing we bought beforehand was this. Because sleep deprivation WILL wreak havoc on your memory.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 18, 2009 at 18:59
A small stereo for baby and a CD of pure white noise.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:01
Also baby monitors are a boon for large places, wholly unnecessary for small places where baby’s every burp and fart make you prick up your ears and wonder about exotic diseases. When it’s time for attention they yell loud enough.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:07
That timer is fantastic, Rusty! I would have never thought of needing something like that.
And Bubba, good call on the white noise – will probably very helpful especially on the weekends with all the loud drunks roaming our neighborhood (partially because of said drunks, we won’t need the monitor, as Studebaker will be rooming in with us, instead of a coupla rooms away). Anyone know of good mp3s of that sort of thing? We’ll have an iPod dock near the crib…
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:10
Yes, have you got your baby cage picked out yet?
J— said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:10
Car seat, butt paste, nursing bra.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:13
Yes, have you got your baby cage picked out yet?
We do! We’ve actually had the cage assembled for a few months now, currently acting as a giant laundry hamper (I should really catch up on laundry).
Car seat in the works, butt paste on the registry (is Boudreaux’s as good as advertised?), need to ponder nursing bras. But probably won’t go into detail on that here, so as not to excite the trolls.
Great-Aunt But Not Yet Grandma, What the Hell Are These Kids Waiting For I'm Not Getting Any Younger for Crissake MzNicky said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:18
Lady Dr. Missus Mommy-to-Be Marita: Glad to hear all is well. Your baby belly may double in size during those last two months like mine did, but then again you probably won’t be sitting around eating Snickers bars and Burger King cheese-Whoppers three times a day.
As for all the fancy-schmancy baby equipment you whippersnappers can get these days, Bah! When the Nicklets were babies we just tossed ‘em in the back seat and hoped for the best and tucked ‘em away to sleep in a bureau drawer. Washed cloth diapers every day by pounding them with rocks down by the river. Sewed their baby clothes out of sale remnants from the fabric store. Actually that last part is true.
Anonymous said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:21
My dad was a combat vet, and
um, dude, Milk Duds are nature’s universal symbol for the Mexican Cartwheel. oops, dude.
J— said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:22
butt paste on the registry (is Boudreaux’s as good as advertised?)
It’s fine, but I think there are others that work just as well. Weleda’s stuff is great, but it ain’t cheap.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:26
My baby belly might well double in size, because chocolate and cheeseburgers are all I really feel like eating, however my all-day morning sickness has made a triumphant (if not quite full-force) comeback in the last few weeks, so I may be back to eating whatever I can in an effort not to lose weight (I’m seeing a nutritionist on Monday who will, no doubt, be appalled at my garbage-gutting strategy).
I’m most confident about baby clothes. I’m the youngest of my generation in my family, and the last to have kids, so my mom and aunt are veritable garage sale commandos by this point – they’ve had a lot of practice. My mom has accumulated adorable outfits ranging all the way up to 4T.
itwasntme said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:28
In order of importance:
Car seat
breast pump
diapers
dishtowel over-shoulder throw for constant spit-up
blankie
the best washer/dryer combo you can afford.
All the rest is commentary.
The Musim of Socialests said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:34
Don’t forget to visit the geft shoop.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:38
Good list, itwasnt me. I think we’ve got most of that covered. Our apartment is equipped with a nice new-ish washer/dryer combo, without which the concept of cloth diapering would be terrifying to me…
Righteous Bubba said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:39
We evicted baby into another room pretty quickly: couldn’t sleep for listening to baby make noises.
To make white noise, download Audacity and generate some. You can export as an mp3.
http://audacity.sourceforge.net/
J— said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:46
By the way, where is this registry of which you speak?
Righteous Bubba said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:51
Before I hit on the white noise idea Slayer worked.
That Girl said,
July 18, 2009 at 19:55
I’m most confident about baby clothes.
Good. In my (admittedly limited) experience, babies have to be changed about once per hour, or more. (Usually due to POOP.) Also, my friends with kids swear by OxyClean (RIP Billy Mays), but, now that I think of it, I don’t know if that’s safe to use on clothes for newborns.
Lawnguylander said,
July 18, 2009 at 20:06
The best piece of advice I got when the boy was on the way was not to try to create a silent atmosphere when he was sleeping. Babies who get used to total silence wake up when they hear the slightest sounds so just go about your business like normal and when Studebaker is
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 20:07
We evicted baby into another room pretty quickly: couldn’t sleep for listening to baby make noises.
It’s entirely possible that will happen (I’m sort of going into this parenthood thing without a lot of “never”s on my list, as I’ve not yet raised a child), but it would take a lot for me to do it. We don’t live in a dangerous neighborhood, but we are on a high traffic (both cars and pedestrian) street, and a lot of the people who wander by are a tad on the sketchy end.
By the way, where is this registry of which you speak?
We have fragmentary lists at both Babies R Us and Target (still missing crucial stuff, undoubtedly – we don’t have a lot of stamina for roaming the baby sections of stores trying to figure out which things do what). Gav is still lamenting that IKEA doesn’t do registries. Could post links but don’t want to annoy people…
Before I hit on the white noise idea Slayer worked.
I wonder how Studebaker would do with mp3s of Gav’s old punk bands.
Lawnguylander said,
July 18, 2009 at 20:13
Oops, continued,,, in his crib. That way the loud drunks won’t disturb him one bit. It might just be his nature but I can listen to loud music, scream at demons, whatever when the 7 year old is in bed and he never wakes up.
And kids are totally cool with grownup music. Don’t fall for that Wiggles bullshit.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 18, 2009 at 20:17
And kids are totally cool with grownup music. Don’t fall for that Wiggles bullshit.
At the birthing class, the instructor had some “baby-friendly” version of Metallica’s Enter Sandman going (it was done with bell and chime-y sounding noises). Not going to lie – that weirded me out a bit.
Gav apparently has a plan for background noise involving Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music. We’ll see how that goes.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 18, 2009 at 20:41
That’s actually pretty sonorous to my ears. Should work fine.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:07
Kathleen in Oakland has a pretty special vehicle….
I used to play weird al when I had to get up in the middle of the night with teh Zprog.
When Studebaker gets a bit older, TMBG has some intelligent kid-friendly Music, Brave Combo did a good when with Marcy Baxter, and Bloodshot records has a bunch of alt-country musicians getting all breedery on a disc called “The Bottle Let Me down”. At his young age, stick with the Finnish Death metal or Japanese Speed punk.
Keeps you from strangling the mailman when you have to listen to one of these 43 times in one afternoon.
Honus said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:33
“When the Nicklets were babies we just tossed ‘em in the back seat and hoped for the best and tucked ‘em away to sleep in a bureau drawer. Washed cloth diapers every day by pounding them with rocks down by the river.”
Damn, MzNicky, you had rocks?
Dr Missus- forget washing the diapers- get diaper service. It’s the only way. Cloth diapers are enough trouble without washing them and washing them makes them it impossible. Besides, diaper service (think large scale commercial washing machines) is much more energy-efficient than washing them yourself. We did this with two kids for four years. Course that was back in the dark ages, during Clinton’s first term.
justme said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:42
I’d go for pink noise over white noise, myself. Less brash, more soothing. Never having toastered, I could be wrong on this for the purpose at hand, but I find it easier on the ears.
Audacity needs LAME installed to do mp3s. If you’re going to burn a disc, you can stick with wav anyhow.
This spot has short noise samples and a generator that you could probably feed to Audacity to get pink noise (alas, Audacity only does white). You could also just run the generator and put speakers from the computer near little Stude.
Also,
It’s been said here before, but, PENIS.
Honus said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:43
As for music, our boys loved John Prine from the start. They still sing those songs today and they’re in college. Oh, and Lawrence Welk. Our oldest would watch those Lawrence Welk reruns on PBS with rapt attention.
And it’s a shame your kid won’t get to watch Fred Rogers. My son still has the note Mr. Rogers sent him after his mom helped him send a letter.
itwasntme said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:49
Oh, another thing. Using those baby clothes detergents is a good idea. Our hatchling got a terrible doctor-visit-worthy rash from our usual detergent.
Great-Aunt But Not Yet Grandma, What the Hell Are These Kids Waiting For I'm Not Getting Any Younger for Crissake MzNicky said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:52
Honus: Did I say “rocks”? I meant pebbles. Took twice as long. Actually it was more like tiny bits of gravel, picked out from silt and then shaken through a sieve. That took twicer as longer. Etc.&so forth.
tears in my eyes said,
July 18, 2009 at 21:53
Any chance we can work those parrots back into the mix?
Sirius Lunacy said,
July 18, 2009 at 22:53
Recess Monkey is three school teachers from Seattle that do music for kids that doesn’t drive the parents crazy.
pedestrian said,
July 18, 2009 at 22:54
We don’t live in a dangerous neighborhood, but we are on a high traffic (both cars and pedestrian) street, and a lot of the people who wander by are a tad on the sketchy end.
I’m on the west coast now, so you don’t have to worry about the strolling back in front of the windows making bird noises thing anymore. Besides, I told you that I was getting help.
noen said,
July 18, 2009 at 23:19
test
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 18, 2009 at 23:31
Re: butt paste, we bought Boudreaux’ after everybody raved about it, and plus it was invented by a local. We went on to discover that all three of us prefer Wal-Mart’s generic Desetin.
Before I hit on the white noise idea Slayer worked.
My wife threatened me with violence if I play the baby Slayer, although I really, really want to.
For white noise we use a rain sound, looped on a CD, on endless play on a $15 CD player. It isn’t so much for the baby as it is for us – every little noise he makes would wake us up, at least at first.
Smut Clyde said,
July 18, 2009 at 23:45
exactly what baby gear we need to have
Gimp suits.
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 18, 2009 at 23:50
Also: Mylicon. DO NOT NOT HAVE MYLICON. Generic works fine and is a quarter the price.
Smut Clyde said,
July 19, 2009 at 0:09
My wife threatened me with violence if I play the baby Slayer
It doesn’t really matter what you play, so long as you’re listening through headphones, with the volume cranked up.
Honus said,
July 19, 2009 at 0:14
Aunt MzNicky- can’t believe you guys had sieve, too. We would have had to use an old piece of door screen, if we’d had a screen door.
Damn, all this talk about diapers really takes me back. My youngest just graduated high school.
justme said,
July 19, 2009 at 0:15
You’ll need quite a wisk for that, and the batter gets everywhere.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
July 19, 2009 at 0:23
You’ll need quite a wisk for that, and the batter gets everywhere.
I don’t think those parrots are quite dead yet.
E R Satz said,
July 19, 2009 at 0:47
Babies and toddlers just love Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. Wooly Bully!!!
Just Alison said,
July 19, 2009 at 1:39
Dr Mrs Marita: not white noise, but pink noise. Sounds like wind in trees or waves washing a beach, and has a calming, meditative effect on hoomans. Which I assume your progreny will be, as I assume you and Gavin are.
It’s the fractal nature of the sound that’s so restful, I’m told, as distinct from white noise, which just kind of hisses.
Kathleen said,
July 19, 2009 at 1:46
nursing tank nursing tank nursing tank nursing tank nursing tank nursing tank
I use these. love love love.
then you can discretely lift your shirt up to nurse w/o exposing your belly. Or hell, just wear ‘em as a shirt when it’s hot.
plus when you talk about them, people think it’s some kind of crazy apparatus.
Kathleen said,
July 19, 2009 at 1:53
I think the must haves were listed about. The only other thing I would add is a stroller or carrier?
we went with an infant car seat where the seat part lifted out into a carrier, and then a stroller frame that it snaps into. I recommend that if you are going to be doing mostly urban strolling. I think the other set-up (car seat snapping into regular stroller) is too bulky, large, heavy and difficult to maneuver. JMHO
we also used an infant sling/wrap (this one, which is a life saver if the newborn wants to be held all the time.
Great-Aunt But Not Yet Grandma, What the Hell Are These Kids Waiting For I'm Not Getting Any Younger for Crissake MzNicky said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:02
Honus: You had screen doors? You were lucky! When I said “sieve,” what I meant was we had to weave together pirated strands of extra-thin wires from cast-off stereo cable we salvaged by rummaging through dumpsters behind audio-video stores! Of course then we had to strip the wire out of the rubber casings without scissors or wire cutters but by biting them open and ripping them out with our bare teeth, after which we’d painstakingly weave the wires into a makeshift “sieve” bound with tree bark, which we also had stripped from random ripe trees with our bare teeth, in order to fabricate makeshift “sieves” through which to garner gashes of silt-encrusted gravel with which to pound clean our children’s diapers, down by the river!
And, “youngest just graduated high school”? Pish-posh! Paradise! We dragged ours kicking and screaming through high school under threat of death, fending off authorities who constantly threatened such things as “expulsion” and the alerting of “Juvenile Court authorities”! Simply because our darlings chose to “cut class” and “smoke pot in the restrooms” and other assorted putative mayhem! Amazingly, they are both fine solid productive caring citizens today.
______________
(Disclaimer to Dr. Mrs. and Mr. Marita/Gavin: As someone once noted, no one decides to get pregnant by thinking “Oh good! Someday I’ll have a teenager!” Keep yer eyez on the prize. It really is worth it. Really.)
Righteous Bubba said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:07
Have we noted some sort of changing platform?
Also Audacity makes pink noise, but it’s really not much different from white with minor massaging. EQ to taste.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:15
Great-Aunt But Not Yet Grandma, What the Hell Are These Kids Waiting For I’m Not Getting Any Younger for Crissake MzNicky said,
The goddam Batman is starting to affect the nyms.
MzNicky said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:31
zombie: Nym modification for purposes of this thread only. Goddam Batman opened my eyes to the infinite possibilities.
Kathleen said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:32
eh, change ‘em on the bed. your back is going to be crap anyways.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:33
Changing ‘em on someone else’s bed I’m in favour of.
Another Kiwi said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:49
Front sling pack is essential. The wee Kiwis have vast exposure to the music of John Lee Hooker whilst being carried by adult kiwis and they are better for it, I’m sure.
Sleeping sack was good for us, stops them kicking off blankets and getting cold and crying and then thinking “It’s time to rock and roll everyone!!!”
If you could save up some sleep hours now, for later use, you should.
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:50
Yay! Lots of good advice on here. The nursing tank looks great, although I’d like it better if it actually involved large volumes of water.
We’ve already managed a stroller, and someone is getting us a carseat. I think we’re going to pick out a convertible one, as one of my friends is transitioning their infant out of an infant seat and offered the infant seat/stroller frame to us (I know you aren’t supposed to get used carseats, but this one has never been in a crash, which I think is the main concern with a used seat). Gavin has been doing some serious wrap research, as I think that’s something he really wants to get right (he’s planning on a lot of time carrying Studebaker around). I’ll pass along the Moby recommendation.
And for changing, we have a dresser with a changing table top attachment ready to go (hooray, IKEA!). We’ve got a portable changing pad on the registry too, as I read somewhere that those are good things to have…
You guys are so great! I really appreciate the tips!
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 19, 2009 at 2:59
I’ve been looking on Oster’s website to see if they have a “baby’s first deep-fryer”, but no such luck… Maybe Hilti makes a miter saw for babies.
And kids are totally cool with grownup music. Don’t fall for that Wiggles bullshit.
My older brother’s firstborn could immediately be pacified by listening to Rudy Can’t Fail. Cool kid.
It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one to post “duck rape” horror stories.
MzNicky said,
July 19, 2009 at 3:39
Dr. Mrs./Mr. Marita/Gavin: Also, I can give you some advice, of which I imagine you have received much, but FWIW:
*If you choose to breastfeed and it starts to drive you crazy for whatever reason, just stop it already and go with bottles and formula. I’ve done both, and I highly recommend the latter.
*Sleep when/if Studebaker sleeps. ’round the clock. Give up any notion of S,N! global time for at least the first three weeks.
*Don’t think l’il Stude is somehow awesomely more progressed and intelligent because he sprouts two teeth at two months of age. He may (probably will) be, but precocious teething has nothing to do with it. Sorry.
*You will soon recognize that different cries mean different things (hunger, wet britches, boredom, etc). And, just because he screams his lungs out for, say, half an hour regardless of what you do doesn’t mean he’s retarded or going to die.
*Driving around town for an hour or so with the wide-eyed but no-longer-wailing infant strapped into his car seat is time well spent.
*Actually, now’s I think about it, Nicklet-X spent a good part of each day of her first three months sitting in a wind-up swing while I wrung my hands and sterilized bottles and toted bails of dirty diapers to the washing machine. Child would never sleep. NEVER. She slept maybe three hours a day. Do they still make wind-up swings? If so, get one.
*Not all babies like snuggly-carriers. Nicklet-X loved it. Nicklet-Y would have none of it. This will signify their personalities and their destinies.
You are so lucky and I so wish you both the best of luck, also I thank you for reproducing your awesome genes into this godforsaken world.
J— said,
July 19, 2009 at 4:00
Marita, do you happen to have people lined up to bring meals during the first couple of weeks you’re home with the kid? That’s really nice. You can also cook up a bunch of meals during the time before he’s born and put them in the freezer to have later.
It’s none of my business, but please, please breastfeed.
Interrobang said,
July 19, 2009 at 6:00
When I was a baby, my parents really did put me to sleep in a bureau drawer for the first few nights, no word of a lie. On the other hand, unlike most parents, my folks didn’t have nine months to prepare — they got a call on a Tuesday afternoon asking if they could pick 10 month old me up from the adoption agency on the Thursday morning.
My family always used Penaten brand butt paste, but I’m a dam furriner and it might not be available where you are. I know it works great on diaper rash, heat rash, and various other skin troubles (good for baby, man, beast, woman, and beastess), and comes in a funky retro-style metal tin to boot. Don’t necessarily take my advice, though, because I know next to nothing about babies and prefer to keep it that way. :)
justme said,
July 19, 2009 at 6:11
Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue.
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
July 19, 2009 at 6:53
When I was but a wee Trot, my parents had two strategies to get me to sleep.
One was leaving me on the washer/dryer itself. I suppose the vibration was soothing, although it’s probably horribly unsafe and led to me hanging out here. Still, knocked me out for a spell.
Second was, yes, driving. My folks would take me to the car, drive me around the block a few times, and bam! Conked out.
Of course, then I entered that stage of development where you begin to imagine monsters under beds or closets, and that turned me into an insomniac.
he flips said,
July 19, 2009 at 7:19
Reminds me of this music video by MGMT.
Makes me glad you can’t get a shower drain pregnant.
OneMan said,
July 19, 2009 at 7:59
Plenty of good advice already. The one thing I’ve learned from raising a couple of little Mans is “relax already.” They really are pretty durable and recover pretty well from most errors. Try not to worry too much about screwing things up; let it all come to you.
With our first, it took him a couple days to get the hang of breastfeeding and both he and Mrs. Man got pretty frustrated with the experience but eventually they worked it out and all was well. We put him on the dryer (not recommended) to get him to sleep. The second one we wore out a bathroom fan on. You (and the toaster) will find ways to adjust.
You’re embarking on an awesome trip; try to remember to enjoy it now and again.
OneMan said,
July 19, 2009 at 8:11
OTOH, please don’t put li’l Studebaker in music videos where he has to walk among horrible monsters. That might scar him for good.
justme said,
July 19, 2009 at 9:30
Good Lord! Is that a dancing badger @ 5:40??
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
July 19, 2009 at 9:48
OTOH, please don’t put li’l Studebaker in music videos where he has to walk among horrible monsters. That might scar him for good.
Quite.
Also, do not allow him to cross-reference the following subjects.
The Count from Seseme Street and Bram Stoker’s Dracula (any version, but particularly Bela Lugosi).
Big Bird and Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.
Chuck E. Cheese and that weird Stephen King movie with the rats.
These were the three most traumatic mental wire-crosses in my youth. Getting fed to hellhounds as my torn-off limbs are counted, being pecked to death by an insane giant yellow bird, and that giant fucking rat actually being a real rodent… shudder.
MzNicky said,
July 19, 2009 at 13:53
If you can stand it, one more bit of new-baby advice to add to all of the excellent stuff above — best ever, from evil socialist pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Spock: “Keep in mind that you know more than you think you do.”
stryx said,
July 19, 2009 at 14:09
Infants require plenty of clean straw, fresh water, and exercise. You’ll need a halter and a nice long rope.
And they really respond well to soothing music.
And I’ll just say that before it was child abuse, giving whiskey to children was just common sense.
Ken Lowery said,
July 19, 2009 at 15:58
There’s a certain percentage of homosexuality in most mammal species. This isn’t a controversial statement.
There are also some animals that will “go gay” if there are no viable “straight” alternatives. It makes sense they’d revert back if females are present.
OK, explained. Next?
Rusty Shackleford said,
July 19, 2009 at 17:18
If you can stand it, one more bit of new-baby advice to add to all of the excellent stuff above — best ever, from evil socialist pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Spock: “Keep in mind that you know more than you think you do.”
Yep.
Substance McGravitas said,
July 19, 2009 at 18:55
Got a little tub? Some of those plastic ones are really badly made, so get something sturdy.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
July 19, 2009 at 20:15
OTOH, please don’t put li’l Studebaker in music videos where he has to walk among horrible monsters.
Hey, I wish to complain about the prejudice and assumption of horror implicit in this statement.
Does Sadly have an Ombuds? No?
Maybe I just need to bring it to the attention of someone with gravitas….
Smut Clyde said,
July 19, 2009 at 23:06
And I’ll just say that before it was child abuse, giving whiskey to children was just common sense.
Only if it’s a decent malt. They know the difference.
from evil socialist pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Spock: “Keep in mind that you know more than you think you do.”
Winnicott said it first.
Smut Clyde said,
July 19, 2009 at 23:08
“Zombie Family”, by Baldung Grien. Saw it today and thought of ZRM.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
July 20, 2009 at 1:27
we will get your brain one way or the other.
Preferred lightly braised in a garlic butter sauce, with a nice Chardonnay.
Parrotlover77 said,
July 20, 2009 at 18:22
The penguin is obviously bisexual. Which means that he will also obviously be demanding the right to marry his new girlfriend, his old boyfriend, and the Tux at the same time! Why don’t penguins respect the sanctity of marriage?! Slippery slope!
The Rainbow Batman Could Tell You A Thing Or Two On What The Penguin Does On The Down-Low said,
July 20, 2009 at 18:46
First, best wishes to Lady Doctor Missus Marita.
Bam Bam is well-known among the gay community. Some suspect that the lady doth protest too much, if you catch my drift.