Comments on: First They Took His Meth, Now They Want His Tylenol

By: The Goddamn Batman Is Still Rocking The Goddamn iPhone, Although The Palm Pre Is Looking Mighty Tempting

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:50:06 +0000

Hey, if Moron Don wants to keep popping the ol’ acetaminophen, let him. When his liver finally goes tits-up, he’ll find out that he’s waaaaaay down the list for a transplant, past the tertiary spare for Steve Jobs.

By: Rary Guppert

Rary Guppert — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:38:19 +0000

he should get five strikes because a girl. then six strikes because he’s so cute.

don’t you people read Peanuts?

By: actor212

actor212 — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:48:10 +0000

Congratulations, you’ve managed to work in just about all of the stereotypical slanders against West Virginians in just a few posts.

Did we get the “four dogs killed when the porch collapsed” joke in? I missed it.

By: AG

AG — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 10:43:55 +0000

Department of Park and Recreation.

You slay me.

By: Another kiwi

Another kiwi — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 03:03:48 +0000

A cum load of political capital is about 10 ml as I remember from Pop music 101.
People would just laugh at you with that sort of spend. And they would know about the Shark Suit and not be scared anymore.

By: MaineMan

MaineMan — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:58:28 +0000

In West Virginia, both Crown Royal and Royal Crown bottles have labels on the bottom instructing the consumer to “Open other end.”

Or so I’ve heard.

By: Cagney & Lacey

Cagney & Lacey — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:43:00 +0000

No, wait, that was “Been Brown So Long…”

By: Cagney & Lacey

Cagney & Lacey — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:42:12 +0000

Jeffrey St. Clair, a personal friend.

By: Smut Clyde

Smut Clyde — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:37:34 +0000

This is a masterpiece of the type one calls others in to witness
Why not bronze-plate the thing for posterity?
“Been down so long it looks like up to me.” Page 176 if memory serves.

By: N__B

N__B — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:30:19 +0000

“Caution: Hot coffee is hot”

Ceci n’est pas un café…

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:15:04 +0000

…when the barely sentient driver peels the Hummer out of the driveway.

Strangely for me that conjured up this image – my enduring mental snapshot or shorthand for wingnuttia – “Hey! Look what Zog do!”

I kinda imagine this is what dinnertime will look like at Galt’s Gulch.

By: Lurking Canadian

Lurking Canadian — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:06:40 +0000

I’m thinking about things like that “Warning: do not drive car with sunshield in place” on the back of the cardboard windshield sun deflectors. I mean, that probably saved hundreds of wingnut lives, right there.

The thing is, that warning label also (probably mostly) saves the life of the kid on the skateboard who doesn’t get run over when the barely sentient driver peels the Hummer out of the driveway.

“Caution: Hot coffee is hot” is still the best purely anti-Darwinian warning label we have.

By: Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist

Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:04:46 +0000

This is a masterpiece of the type one calls others in to witness…

You’re right, and your comment is no slouch either.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:02:11 +0000

Cagney & Lacey said,
July 1, 2009 at 3:47

For the life of me, I can’t see how you made it all the way through that without a single “scuse my finGAHs!”

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:59:23 +0000

Tintin - of course. I really wasn't trying to suggest otherwise. OT, but...you won't believe this find. Scroll down the page to "Opinion" and look at who the sponsor is. Seems completely appropriate.

By: Cagney & Lacey

Cagney & Lacey — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:47:22 +0000

The thing is, while this sturdy child of torpor Mr. Surber isn’t really worth commenting upon, there is something so exquisitely elegant about this spectacular — nay, Homeric dump you just took on him that my whole day seems brighter, happier, newer. You didn’t just crap one out the way a fellow would in the men’s room at an airport, straining to get it over with, perched on a hastily-constructed nest of toilet paper with balls dangling perilously close to the urine-ochred porcelain exposed by the institutional cleft seat.

No. This is a masterpiece of the type one calls others in to witness, and possibly take a camera-phone picture of: a coiled, gleaming serpent, its tapered head standing proudly above the waterline, brindle flanks studded with peanuts, its length and girth so prodigious that one doubts the aperture from which it descended will ever recover — yet the relief, the sense of accomplishment is unmatched in this lifetime by any other achievement. The author of this deuce, this ass-torpedo, is a genius. Peristalsis must still grip his bowels. A colossal shit sent writhing into the sewers, there to spawn its young: this could be a description of the takedown of Mr. Surber above; it could also be a description of the man himself.

By: Tintin

Tintin — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:45:50 +0000

Not to get all policy-wonkish and stuff, this being a comedy blog, the issue here isn’t being free to be stupid. One of the real concerns is that acetaminophen is put in all kinds of other drugs — both OTC and Rx — where the consumer might not have any idea that it’s in the drug and that if he/she takes that drug with the maximum dose of acetaminophen, he/she risks serious problems.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:38:01 +0000

P. S.: Didn’t like that U2 you suggested, & did listen, not watch. We’ll just have to agree to disagree that my taste is … different.

As I said, YMMV.

For what it’s worth, I like pretty much everything that isn’t “modern country” or commercial crap like boy bands and Britney Spears. My taste probably includes a lot of stuff you like too.

By: M. Bouffant

M. Bouffant — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:30:34 +0000

Nothing wrong w/ Moon Pies®, by the way.

By: Honus

Honus — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:27:15 +0000

not even close to all the slanders about West Virginians. And I been to Poca. Nice little town. The football team is called the “dots” We used to play them when I was in high school, 40 years ago. After reading Surber, I think Jesco White must be the leading intellectual from Poca.

What’s the hardest question on the West Virginia bar exam?