How Does It Feel To Be An Asshole, Schlusselmeyer?
Posted on June 29th, 2009 by Tintin
Frau Debbie Schlüsselschtuck, www.muslimscanbitemybutt.com
Feel Old?: “Animal House” Turns 30
- Animal House may be a classic, but it would have been better with less drinking and rule-breaking.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
No comment!
She failed to work Islam into it. Is she losing her touch?
Don’t patronise us, please. Besides, it’s also the correct spelling. They’re not foot fetishists.
I cleecked zee leenk. Dun’t buzeer. ELVEYS TROoST THE SHORTER. THE SHORTER IS ELVEYS RIGHT!
She’s a zit. Get it?
She also thinks the Stonewall Riots were swell, but they did overdo the gayness a bit. Oh, and they make her feel old.
At last, the current model Debbie is unveiled!
Mohammad on a mule, if I were a mullah, I’d be swimming the ocean to get a burqa on DS ASAP.
Billy Mays, Great American.
Sorry for bringing up the concept of Debbie-stains “a year old,” but let’s hope she gets to work cleaning up that wall behind her w/ some Oxy
ContinClean.And her apparent enjoyment of infomercials should, in a fair & decent world, make her stop typing about movies.
I wonder if she thinks Gone with the Wind would be improved by omitting the Civil War, or if King Kong would be better without the monkey.
Jackson didn’t own the rights to the Beatles’ tunes when he died, he’d sold that off in order to pay off debt a few years ago.
Why can’t Hollywood make movies about young berserkos who obey authority?
She also thinks women models these days are too young and too thin. Actually I kind of agree with that one.
“…OxiClean Maxforce stain remover get out stains that are even a year old…”
Huh. It didn’t to $hit for the stain my cat puked up on my carpet which I ignored for a week. ONLY a week. Its still there, too. Well, I got a hassock to put over it, but I know its still there, lurking, smirking.
Why would you type “$hit”? In the final anylisis, it still says shit, just with one extra pencil stroke.
King Kong had a monkey???
If you are going to censor your comments, at least do it properly: it’s $#!+
Debbie Schlüssel, poster person for “People unclear on the concept”…
I’ve found her doppelganger – Debbie Downer from SNL:
http://brainfitforlife.com/blog/uploaded/debbie_downer.jpg
King Kong had a monkey???
I believe he named it “Bubbles.”
Obviously she doesn’t have kids, or she’d know 15-16 is precisely the wrong age to expose your kids to Bluto. You have to show them earlier, say age 6-7 so they see these people as inexplicable assholes, and retain the impression. Kind of like a vaccination.
I’m thankful she hasn’t yet managed to reproduce tho.
Kind of like a vaccination.
I’ve always referred to it as “asshole intervention”.
Is that woman retarded? Or was she on medication when she wrote that? Too bad she can’t get by on her looks. I’ve rarely seen such stupid, self-referential, and insipid comments put out over the ether like that. Thanks, I guess, because maybe my click will put her over the top where she can get ads for Fisher-Price and/or adult diapers.
Sheesh.
“Good lord! The rod up [Debbie]’s butt must have a rod up its butt!”
or if King Kong would be better without the monkey.
Au contraire, as all those Frenchistanians say.
It’s time to once again post this remarkable passage from Schlussel’s Fan Club page:
Attorney, Columnist, and Hip, Conservative Info-Babe Commentator, Debbie Schlussel is the VRWC’s latest and greatest sexy, blonde, and beautiful commentator. With a law degree, MBA, long blonde tresses, and sports acumen to boot, she’s a red-blooded American guy’s dream.
paedophile [is] also the correct spelling. They’re not foot fetishists.
I used to think that an encyclopedia was a book, but apparently it goes around my foot, so it must be some kind of shoe.
Au contraire, as all those Frenchistanians say.
O’Contrare? Wasn’t he drummer for The Pogues?
Correct. He was the one who electrocuted himself onstage when his encyclopedias got tangled in the wire from the microphage.
Ah, that’s right. They replaced him with E. Liam O’Synary.
Are the Schlüsselmeyers Kosher?
“‘Animal House’ just turned 30. It’s one of the great classic guy movies. (On the other hand, it does glorify defying authority a little much.) While contemporary teens and 20-somethings flock to trash like “The Hangover” (read my review), it’s shlock in comparison to real guy buddy movies, like “Animal House.” It wasn’t just John Belushi that made it a great film. It was Tim Matheson and so many others. And it had a great soundtrack, with live performances by classic artists like Otis Day and the Knights.”
This paragraph seemed a bit off to me. It took maybe 30 seconds to confirm that “Otis Day and the Knights” was a fictional band name given to the performers in “Animal House”; they were hardly “classic artists”. This goes to show just how much research goes into Ms. Schlussel’s work.
They did form as a real band after the movie, though, and are still touring as “Otis Day and the Knights”. And they did kick ass. Just sayin’.
My favorite part is where she refers to the “live” performances of “classic” artists like Otis Day and the Knights, a completely fictional band invented for the movie.
Shorter Debbie’s Perception of All Arabs:
Do you mind if we dance with yo’ dates?
Sheesh…do we have to do Costco Coulter’s work for her?!?
Alright, here goes:
The key to Animal House was John Belushi. The Belushis are Albanian. The overwhelming majority of Albanians are Muslims.
QED
(Yeah, yeah…the Belushis themselves happen to be Albanian Orthodox Christians, but as Sam Huntington has pointed out, Orthodox Christianity is basically Eastern, just like Mooslimism. The whole Albanian Orthodoxy vs. Mooslim distinction is all very complicated and not worth getting into. For the sake of argument, let’s just say Belushi was a Muslim and leave it at that.)
(On the other hand, it does glorify defying authority a little much.)
There’s no such thing as overly glorifying the defiance of authority, particularly stupid authority. I say that as a middle-aged single woman with a cat who still (me, not the cat) has a healthy respect for delinquency. I’m like all, “YEAH!!!” when the brick gets thrown through the window (as long as it’s not my window the brick is crashing through, because that of course would be a pain in the ass). I think it’s why I look a lot younger than I am…because that’s where my brain still is.
Not to get too historian and shit, but the official 30th anniversary of Caddyshack is July 27th 2010.
This week is the 20th anniversary of Do The Right Thing. The brown people movie.
Why are you kicking this silly old twat? Well, at least you’re giving her some of the attention she craves.
Shorter Bush adminstration: “You fucked up. You trusted us.”
Viciously attacking poor, helpless idiots is our purpose in life.
There’s no such thing as overly glorifying the defiance of authority, particularly stupid authority.
If Debbie does not think that ‘defiance’ is the correct response to any authority, then I know just the religion for her. It’s even called ‘Submission’.
Thomas Sowell: Was it over when the Iranians bombed Pearl Harbor?
A drooling dotage may be upon me, but wasn’t a lack of respect for authority the *whole* point of Animal House? Bluto, D-Day, the assault on the parade (and Carmine) and the destruction of Neidermeyer (who in the postscript was noted to have been killed by his own soldiers in Vietnam). Call me a simpleton (fine, everyone else does) but what else was that movie about? The sweatshirt Belushi wore. “College.” Also.
wasn’t a lack of respect for authority the *whole* point of Animal House?
To be fair, there was also voyeurism and statutory rape.
I know just the religion for her. It’s even called ‘Submission’.
Frau Schlüssel seems more like a dom.
Was it not Mr. Belushi who was the first individual of note — if not the first person in recorded history — to smash an aluminum beer can upon his forehead?
Jennifer, I’m betting our non-stop appreciation of delinquency (even if from a bit of distance these days) is why we’re both still single, too. Which contributes to youthful appearance, also. (I’m well past literal middle-age, yet can still pass for early middle, he says modestly.)
She also thinks women models these days are too young and too thin. Actually I kind of agree with that one.
All the young people these days are too young. And too thin.
Totally a switch. Depends on who’s paying for what.
Dot wins the thread!
Laugh at Bluto. Not with him.
That’s right! Viewed correctly, the entire movie is a loving and respectful homage to Dean Wormer and the traditional values he represents.
And NO “hiking on the Appalachian Trail”!
debbie’s pic always makes me think of this.
“then along comes debbie downer!”
er, this?
You mind if we dance wif yo dates?
“…Why would you type “$hit”? In the final anylisis, it still says shit…”
Well, I’ll tell you.
1) It’s *TRADITION*, that’s why. Internet Tradition, where we sly and cunning Libs managed to get around computer censors. Now I realize S,N doesn’t censor their comments, but I like to keep in the habit, the same way I use my car’s blinker even tho there’s no one behind me, or I stop at a red light at 3:30am when everyone else is in bed sleeping.
2) I was raised to believe $hit was a really BAD WORD. And although I’ve gotten over the self-consciousness of saying (or screaming)” SHITTTTT!”, I find it difficult to actually write it. You know what a “bad word” is to Today’s Kids? I’ll tell you: the “S” word is….STUPID. Yes, it is considered worse to my kid & her friends to call someone stupid that to say shit! What a World. What a World.
Debbie Schlussel is the Fawn Lebowitz of liberal fascism
Who among today’s wingnut punditry would be:
1. Doug Neidermeyer
2. Dean Wormer
3. Gregory Marmalard
4. Mandy Pepperidge
5. Chip “Thank you Sir! May I have another??!!??” Diller (the Kevin Bacon character)
6. Ms. Dean Wormer.
All I know is that Rush is Wormer and Chip is any Repube who’s ever criticized him.
I thought Animal House sucked, as did Blues Brothers.
Good sketch comedy does not equal good cinema. Just ask Carol Burnett.
“sly and cunning Libs managed to get around computer censors.”
Wow, I’ve never seen anyone burn incense in their computers.
Laura Bush would have to be Mandy Pepperidge.
Debbie needs to quit eating lard. Her face is starting to resemble Jabba the Hut’s.
Wow, I’ve never seen anyone burn incense in their computers.
You mean there’s not supposed to be smoke coming out the back?
I meant “sensors”….right? Sigh. “Captain, sensors report no signs on life at, um, lil’ Debbie’s blog” People are so mean sometimes.
I’m goin’ back to my real name now.
Speaking of Debbie Schlussel and stains that are a year old, Animal House turned 30 in 2008.
Gabby and Gossip obviously aren’t welcome at S,N. I hate to think how Gibble and Gabble would be treated. I very much doubt Blibber and Blabber will *never* dare stop by.
I mean *ever* drop by.
So. . . Debbie really likes the movie, even though the fucking premise of the story is central to her seemingly reluctant critique?
Makes you kinda wonder what parts of the movie she really enjoys. . . No actually, don’t do that – unless you got a health plan with good mental health coverage.
re: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/22769.html/comment-page-2#comment-941977
Computer. Incense. Burner. Ahhgh!
http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/usb/a26a/
Nathan Tabor too Frenchified to mention Hitler:
She does look a bit like Gerard Depardieu with smaller tits, after all.
Laura Ingraham is to Mandy Pepperidge as Debbie Schlussel is to Flounder.
You are all so on Double Secret Probation.
waitaminnit! “Animal House” wasn’t a Senator’s biography?
Niedermayer gave me invaluable advice. He told me not to put on my freshly pressed trousers until the last minute, so as to look my best conducting an orchestra. I told him he couldn’t get a villa in Tuscany for vacation.
When the hell did we start celebrating the anniversaries of movies?! I hate that shit.
Nothing personal, Dhalgren, but seriously. This is one of my many thousands of pet peeves. I have, in fact, a whole peeve petting zoo.
“Computer. Incense. Burner. Ahhgh!”
Holy crap. That must be Rule 129: “If you can think of it, there’s a USB dongle to do it.”
Oh, and KiWS:
“I meant “sensors”….right?”
Nope, you had it right, I was just punning around.
a slow, relentless whimper
My favourite seduction technique!
Ironically, Li’l Debbie is living proof that Dean Wormer was right: fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
Holy crap. That must be Rule 129: “If you can think of it, there’s a USB dongle to do it.”
Rather, if you can think of it, some happy geek with too much time on his hands will make it and sell it on ThinkGeek.
And what a man does with his dongle is his own affair.
Like time flew at the speed of light, or close.
Wha…
That sound you just heard, that was my brain giving up.
They’re all fucking Chip Diller, aren’t they?
Vaguely homoerotic in their fetish for authority, and certain to get trampled by the masses while proclaiming all is well.
The key to Animal House was John Belushi. The Belushis are Albanian. The overwhelming majority of Albanians are Muslims.
And all this time I assumed they were Baluchis from Baluchistan in Iran. See what I learn from reading Sadly, No!
Rather, if you can think of it, some happy geek with too much time on his hands will make it and sell it on ThinkGeek.
More a case of “If it doesn’t do what you designed it for, just sets there and burns energy until it glows red-hot, some noddy will pay good money for it if you call it an ‘aromatherapy vaporiser’.”
This noddy is pretty enamoured of some of the ThinkGeek toys, particularly the hyper-beading water toys and the build-your-own-easter-island kit. Oh, and the anti-gravity earth. And maybe the amazing dinosaur plant. Okay, the build-your-own-stonehenge is pretty cool too.
Okay, okay, I admit it – I’m a geek. Happy now?
I use several OxiContin products. And I love them. The Oxicontin powder and OxiClontin Maxforce
I have a light bulb that turned 1 year old today. That’s 5,878,630,000,000 miles in light years!
I made the Schlussel Run in two parsecs.
Debbie needs to quit eating lard. Her face is starting to resemble Jabba the Hut’s.
She is unlovely (though I remind you all of the Frank Zappa concept of ugliness), but her face hasn’t a patch on this unfortunate woman’s.
I thought Animal House sucked, as did Blues Brothers.
I liked Blues Brothers, but I’m really glad to see there’s at least one other person who didn’t like Animal House.
“what a man does with his dongle is his own affair.”
Aaaand…we’re back to Rule 34.
A bit off topic, but in 1978 Kevin Bacon plays a college freshman in Animal House, and then 6 years later, he plays a high school senior in Footloose! Any chance he will be cast as a kindergartener in his next film?
Looking at that picture, all I can think is “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to run a blog.”
On the other hand, it does glorify defying authority a little much.
I wonder if she would write this about Schindler’s List?
Is that a Godwin violation?
Un-Godwin version:
I wonder if she would write this about The Mummy Returns?
If it were up to Debbie, they’d all be on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
Okay, the build-your-own-stonehenge is pretty cool too.
I’m awfully fond of the Flying Fuck – you can give one now!
I don’t know if Debbie Schmutzel is a red-blooded American’s dream, but I can assure you she is definitely someone’s nightmare. Hopefully, not mine. I Dream of Meanie. Urgh.
Tony Hendra says that Animal House was a consciously anti-authoritarian picture, playing the Deltas off of the representatives of propriety, authority, and law & order in a fairly systematic fashion.
I’m not sure what structure there was to The Blues Brothers, but for something that I thought would be just another damn destruction-of-property flick, it has a lot of staying power and truly memorable bits. Belushi’s agonized string of excuses… the Brothers standing with their hands folded quietly while “Girl from Ipanema” plays on the elevator… Cab Fucking Calloway lighting up the stage with “Minnie the Moocher.”
(July 2? Where the server for this thing?)