Teh Gay Is Teh Hilarious

steve_crowder

ABOVE: Steve Crowder’s Glam Shot


You just know that the good times are gonna roll when a post at Big Andy Brietblart’s Group Blob and All-Night Buffet-Style Wingnutateria starts off like this:

I’m sure that I’ll get some heat for this, but I feel it is timely to say …

When wingnuts apologize before they’ve even opened their mouths, it usually means they are about to blow a load of spittle-flecked nonsense about some sodomy-fueled conspiracy of Hollywood Jews, or about how they wouldn’t mind making abortion legal but only for black women, or about how an army of Pedros is going to force all groceries stores to label snack foods only in Spanish in order to starve conservatives to death. (“¡No más Cheetos para ti, gringo fascista!“)

But here our pre-apologizer is Steve “Don’t Call Me Gay Just Cuz I Look Gay” Crowder, so it’s not really hard to guess what Steve wants to get off his smooth (“Thanks, Nair for Men!”) chest:

Folks, it’s okay to find flamboyant homosexuality funny. Somewhere along the “common sense line,” people have started to equate the ability to find the humor in life with hate speech.”

Minstrel shows are da bomb! Free Julie Myers. Resyndicate Amos ‘n Andy! And then let’s tell a few nigger jokes. They are crowd killers, I tell ya! Particularly where the people in the joke are named DeWinston, LaTasha and LeNoleum. And people who don’t think these jokes are the most hilarious ever, well, they just have some thick liberal PC stick up their butts. (Steve pauses for a moment and wonders how bad a thick stick up his butt might really be, at least with a thick coating of some of that Olay Regenerist he keeps on his nightstand.)

Let me be the first to say it. My name is Steven Crowder and …

Notice how Steve demonstrates his devotion to the writer’s craft with his understated solicitude for readers who might be too stupid to understand that the byline on his post is his actual name and not that of someone else.

… I happen to find blatant gayness funny. I mean really funny.

Talk about teh tea kettle cozy calling teh doily lavender.

I can remember my first “gay encounter” as a child. I was watching the Macy’s parade on Thanksgiving morning. Al Roker was interviewing Richard Simmons. As nothing more than a wide-eyed four-year-old, I was completely vexed [sic]. Here was a man on my television set, complete with chest-hair and quadriceps fuzz. He was just…“off” to me for some reason. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until the light bulb in my underdeveloped noggin turned on. “Hey Dad,” I asked. “Why does that man act like a woman?”

Is it just me or does anyone else also think that a four-year-old who notices “quadriceps fuzz” will be, a few years later, going fappity-fap-fap-fap over a Marlboro Man ad he tore out of a magazine?

To a straight man, the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish wearing, lispy dude is uproariously absurd. As people, we find absurdities funny. That’s our first step in making sense of them.

The whooshing sound you hear is the overcompensation blowing out Steve’s taut, baby-smooth, alabaster butt cheeks. (“Oh, noes! Must laugh at the gay or those feelings will start washing over me again.”)

For example: If right now a duck were to walk into your room wearing pajamas, you’d most likely laugh

Oh, not just laugh — I’d double over and piss my pants, Steve. That is the funniest thing ever, at least since rubber chickens. God, you’re killing me, Steve. Stop it. Please.

Because in your mind, there is no place in the natural world where ducks are seen wearing pajamas.

Thanks for clearing that up. (Do they pay you by the word at Andy’s Maison de Conneries?)

The same applies to blatantly gay men in rhinestone tank-tops and hot-pants. Nowhere in the straight man’s natural realm does that occur, and so the absurdity of it is funny.

But not as funny as someone who looks gayer than a night club in Chelsea at 3 a.m. trying to butch it up, lower his voice an octave and tell a fag joke without any words that have ethes in them. Now, that is funny.

Even so, if this were the kind of blog that would permit posts about a certain kind of reprehensible list, I’d so put Steve on my conservative guy version of that list, but we’re not, so I won’t.

 

Comments: 109

 
 
 

I’m just glad that you got over that awkward period in which comments about fat suits and malls temporarily led you to ban me from your photoshops.

 
 

Imagine how funny he’ll be when his noggin finally develops. I’m athrob with bated breath.

 
 

He’s totally wearing that scarf to hide the hickeys his Canadian girlfriend gave him last last month.

 
 

Maybe someone should outfit him in a gay suit and have him walk in the mall!

 
Gabriel Ratchet
 

Talk about teh tea kettle cozy calling teh doily lavender.

Ha!

 
 

Flamboyant anything is funny: what you choose to pick on reveals your interest and perceived status.

 
 

First, they’re puzzled, then they laugh, then they come out of the closet wearing high heels.

 
 

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Really? That’s how you want to end your “But Dad, I was hanging out in the gay bar because those homos are so hilarious I thought it was a comedy club with free blowjobs!” rant?

Although in his defense, flamboyant, blatant heterosexuality is hilarious

 
 

WHOA NOW. It’s not just a river in Egypt after all, Toto!

Then again, heck, if that’s not shooped, there’s surely one of two perfectly innocent explanations that can account for this, er, uh, anomaly on his part.

So which of them is it for Steve-O: a pathological aversion to mirrors or severe glaucoma?

 
 

“I happen to find blatant gayness funny. I mean really funny.”

…as is flamboyant, blatant blackness, femaleness, or Jewishness. Hilarious, if only ’cause I’m a straight, white, Christian man. If I were, for example, female or something, it probably wouldn’t be, but that just goes to show that chicks and stuff are too PC to have senses of humor. Right?

Seriously, he pretty much just *said* that: “Nowhere in the straight man’s natural realm does that occur, and so the absurdity of it is funny.”

It’s not me, so rather than struggle with my obvious personality disorders to find ways in which these people who aren’t like me are, you know, human, I’m just going to point and laugh.

That lack of self-awareness is even creepier than the way he looks, but he’s more likely to develop a sense of empathy–to the extent that he is likely to do so at all, which frankly I’d rate as “not”–if he gets mocked. So, you know, have at it.

 
 

Oooh, that scarf is simply fabulous!

 
 

To a straight man, the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish wearing, lispy dude is uproariously absurd.

Not even when Uncle Milty did it, kid.

 
 

To a straight man, the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish wearing, lispy dude is uproariously absurd. As people, we find absurdities funny. That’s our first step in making sense of them.

Bookmark this in the next discussion of why the wingnuts can’t make teh funny.

For them a joke is only about scapegoating and ostracizing the outsider. And cognitive dissonance is treason.

 
 

Despite all this, I still think Bruno looks hilarious.

 
 

Because in your mind, there is no place in the natural world where ducks are seen wearing pajamas.

Yeah, it’s like when a friend started telling me a “joke” about a priest, a rabbi and a dog walking into a bar. I said, “Yeah right! Like that would ever happen. Seriously, dude, what are the chances of a priest and a rabbi hanging out together, let alone with a dog? Have you actually calculated the probability?”.

Everybody just walked away from me shaking their heads, but I’m sure I made them think.

 
 

Caption Contest!

“Accessorize with J Crew knit scarf, $800.”

 
 

I think this a prime opportunity to make “ducks in pajamas” a new euphemism.

 
 

And then, after they beat the shit out of that faggy guy they came across on the street one late night, they were walking away and the guy said, “But I’m not gay!” and they were all like “Whoopsidoodle! Man, do we have egg on our faces or what!” and then everyone laughed and they decided to meet at the bistro the next morning for brunch.

 
 

Watch me faggots!

Now before you go and get on your high horse and start acting all offended, please take into consideration… even Sean Penn has probably told a few “no-homo” jokes in his day.

Fair enough. But before YOU get your dander up and start stammering out lame denials, please take into consideration… even John Voight has probably had “conjugal relations” with a few barnyard animals.

 
 

We were just ducks in pajamas, hiking the Appalachian trail, the world new to us in our wide stances…

 
 

Why are homosexual men called “gay”?

Because, for the most part, they are.

Why aren’t lesbians called “gay”?

THAT ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY. What the fuck is wrong with you? How tiny is your penis? You’re clearly threatened by strong women….

Et cetera, et cetera….

 
 

(Donning fake nose, mustache and eyegasses)
I shot an elephant in my pajamas. What he was doing in my pajamas I’ll never know.

 
 

Besides being the perfect fashion accessory, the scarf comes in handy for auto erotic asphyxiation and may explain Steve’s brain damage.

 
 

“The straight man’s natural realm” is the new “central to my point”.

 
 

Homer: They turned the Navy into a floating joke! They ruined all our best names like Bruce and Lance and Julian! Those were the toughest names we had! Now they’re just…

John: Queer?

Homer: Yeah, and that’s another thing! I resent you people using that word. That’s our word for making fun of you! We need it!

 
 

I’m just glad that you got over that awkward period in which comments about fat suits and malls temporarily led you to ban me from your photoshops.

Oh yeah? Well YOU try walking around the mall in a Crowder suit, wiseacre!

 
 

Folks, it’s okay to find flamboyant homosexuality funny.</blockquote
Folks, it's even more okay to find flamboyant wingnuttery funny. C'mon, you can be a Sadlynaut too.

 
 

Funny?

I don’t think this punk knows from funny.

 
 

Love that pic! You strike that pose girlfriend!

 
 

There’s a woman in my negro-suffused neighborhood named Latrina. I am not mature enough to handle that well.

 
 

I thought that if a duck in pajamas walked into the room you were supposed to shoot your friend in the face?

 
lupus yonderboy
 

Sam Crowder: Better latent than never.

 
 

“Shoot your friend in the face”?? Ooh, talk dirty to me!

 
 

That pic…It’s just…Words fail me.

Actually, that’s not even remotely true. What a mincing little creep. It’s like watching some self-hating Jew ranting and raving about “Kikes”.

 
 

Although my Spanish is pretty bad, shouldn’t that be “No más Cheetos para ti” ? I always did have trouble with the por / para thing.

[Tintin adds: yep, it should be para. My bad. Fixed.]

 
 

“Because in your mind, there is no place in the natural world where ducks are seen wearing pajamas. ”

LOL FAGS R ABOMINATIONS ROFLCOPTER!!!

“The same applies to blatantly gay men in rhinestone tank-tops and hot-pants. Nowhere in the straight man’s natural realm does that occur,…”

Clearly he does not watch much profession wrestling. Or any other sport, really, many of which boil down to taunt men in tight outfits grappling with each other for dominance.

 
 

Where does he stand on making fun of iconic representations of a mother’s love for her special needs child?

 
duck in pajamas
 

i walked into target the other to buy me some pajamas. i told the lady at the register, get this: put it on my bill. she did, and now i got me a sweet pair o’ pj’s.

but seriously, nothing to see here. i guy’s gotta keep his junk covered somehow
and i find wearing pajamas in public to be liberating. works for hef, works for me.

 
j price vincenz
 

My Southern Baptist minister colleague and a guy I used to golf with both say the same things (although only one is a republican): that gay men have more sex and more kinky sex than heteros (and, like so many others, their criticism or commentary on lesbianism is missing or appreciative). I used to think this sort was latently gay, but now I think they are just bi-curious. Bisexuality and curiosity about it are likely the best explanations for guys who claim to laugh at “effeminate” males (such as the inadequately butch) and “flamboyant” males (such as crossdressers and even clothing-obsessed metrosexuals like this nervous right-winger, Steve Crowder).

People like him can laugh at Richard Simmons not because Richard Simmons is “absent from his hetero” crowd, to paraphrase Crowder, but, inversely, because crossdressers, non-butch gays, “passable” transgenders, and the “flamboyant” are actually right there amidst his own construction of his so-called heterosexuality. Crowder probably dislikes or even hates the idea of two butch dudes having at it, in any way. You know what I’m talking about: that straight guy “tolerance” for gays in the abstract and outright stomach churning revulsion for two dudes holding hands, kissing, or anything sexual (apart, probably, from the bi fantasy of mutual J/O or even the anonymous pleasures of the gloryhole).

You see? It’s not Crowder’s making fun of gays that ignifies that he is gay; it’s the kind of sexuality and identity that he goes after that really speaks to his curiosity (which likely exists in a penumbra of identity that has at one end pure gayness/lesbianism and at the other pure heterosexuality but likely has much terrain inside those poles). Without his odd anger, he would just be another transfixed guy, nervously setting up a discreet casual encounter on Craigslist.

 
No-Visible-Means
 

bragal20 sez:
He’s totally wearing that scarf to hide the hickeys his Canadian girlfriend wrestling coach gave him last last month.

Fixed!!

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

I won’t give Big Failywood the clicks since the motherfuckers banned me for nothing more than repeatedly shitting in their punchbowl.

 
 

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

In pajamas.

 
 

For some reason, this guy reminds me of that British kid profiled on “The Daily Show” who’d claimed to have invented a “Gaydar” tracking devise. This episode aired quite a few years back, and I think Stephen Colbert interviewed him. I wish I could find the clip-everytime Colbert suggested the kid might be gay himself, he’d deny it, and the more Colbert pressed him to come out, the more flustered he got-he seemed on the verge of tears. It was both the cruelest and funniest thing I’d ever seen.
The one difference between him and Little Stevie Wonder-how-long-he’ll-remain-in-denial is that the British kid was more well-adjusted.

 
 

Red state bloggers ? “¡No más Cheetos para ti”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090626/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_cheetos_assault

SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. – Authorities said a couple got into a fight using Cheetos. The Bedford County Sheriff’s Department said a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman became involved in a ‘verbal altercation.’ Somehow, the orange puffy snacks were used in the assault.

 
 

You know what’s funny, Sibilant Steve?

Two wetsuits and a dildo!

 
 

First, they’re puzzled, then they laugh, then they come out of the closet wearing high heels.

As Gandhi so famously remarked.

 
Knights in White Satin
 

Ya know, I was listening to “My Fair Lady” yesterday and the song “Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?” came on. Good song, but…is it …GAY?

 
 

Do you suppose Steve could tell me about the gay guys in LA who don’t like the gay sex?

Really, that shit is funny!

And not funny Ha Ha.

 
 

I’m sure Steve must find the name of the new joint venture between Russian petroleum giant Gazprom and Nigeria absolutely uproarious, then. Nigaz, please.

 
a concerned citizen
 

Nowhere in the straight man’s natural realm does that occur, and so the absurdity of it is funny.

This is the same reason why he gets colonics: it is not a part of the straight man’s natural realm, and therefore hilarious. It’s just like a comedy club for your bowels (two kink minimum).

We all know that things that make people nervous make them laugh. It’s a primate sign of discomfort. A duck in a dress makes you nervous because it questions your sense of reality. You totally thought that duck was a drake because you’re both at a drakes-only club, but it’s wearing a dress. Your whole understanding of duck sexuality has been questioned and the frisson between your assumption and reality can only be resolved through your best totally not-gay-sounding laugh. (insert vaudeville era clip of monkey washing duck in a bathtub here.) (Note to self: pitch all animal-remake of “Some Like it Hot” to Animal Planet) (TODO: learn Flemish art history, attempt duck/Dyck/dijk/dyke/dick joke here)

Yes, I’m sure “Sean Penn has told a few no-homo jokes”. But if gayness is what is funny, wouldn’t a “no-homo” joke be gay priori not funny? Aren’t lie-berals by definition not funny? How is “Sean Penn thinks it’s a good idea” a coherent argument to have on Big Effing Hollywood?

But OK whatever, let’s assume homo jokes are totaly natural. In other words, making fun of the homos is (or rather, should be) a part of the straight man’s reality — stupid homos and their constant hilariousness. It’s always a hilarious time to do some gay-bashing, and totally normal.

But again, wouldn’t that mean that making fun of the homos would no longer be funny? Even if it’s something that Sean Penn hadn’t totally ruined for us all (just like he ruined Going Galt with that movie “Into The Wild” and lactose intolerance — which, if you’re Judeo-Christian, is a part of your religious beliefs and should be a protected right by the 1st amendment — with “Milk”), isn’t it ruined by ubiquity?

If homophobia and trafficking in ridiculous over the top gay stereotypes is totally normal and forgivable, how could it stay funny, assuming we accept his premise (or, if you wish, “accept” his “premise”) that we laugh at what is unusual, what is transgressive?

Wouldn’t homophobia only be funny on the rarest of occasions? And wouldn’t joking about homophobia be a sort of way of making it not funny any longer? And therefore, people who make a big deal out of how hilarious gayness is might in fact be homo’s in disguise, trying to rob gay-bashing of all its hilariousness through repetition?

Are we laughing at the gayness, or the lack of it once it has gone? Do you notice the manliness of a man, when he’s in the room being all manly, or once he hass left and only his manly essence reman’s behind? How can he miss you — and then make jokes about you to his other not-gay (read: unfunny) friends — when you refuse to leave?

=====
I really sincerely hope this guy gets his shit sorted out. He very clearly has convinced himself that being gay consists of dressing up like a girl and being attracted to guys who also look like girls, and since he doesn’t like girls, he likes guys who look like guys, he must not be gay.

He doesn’t like girls or guys who dress like girls so much that he must be the least gay guy on the planet. Never mind the fact that gay guys are the ones who think guys dressed up in drag is hilarious, far more than straight guys. I’m sure at some level he knows that finding campy drag queens hilarious is just about the gayest thing on earth. There are plenty of gay guys who aren’t into camp. Finding gender-bending so freaking amusing automatically puts one not just in the gay range, but squarely at the gayer end of gay (quantitatively, at least 1.2 Fiersteins/inch uncut).

It would be funny if I hadn’t heard some variation on that from closeted men so many times before. I’m not gay because I find the feminine unattractive.

But it’s just pitiable. I don’t know what it’s like to be gay and in the closet but I do know a thing or two about what self-delusion looks like so I can really only wish him the best of luck. Poor miserable bastard.

 
Knights in White Satin
 

TO ANYONE:

“…the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish wearing, lispy *person* is uproariously absurd. ..”

Women dressed in skin tight rhinestone-studded pants are pretty awful, too (unless its a party- them’s party clothes). The whole makeup-high-heels-tight clothes phenom is as much ‘dressing up-pretending’ to women (imagine little girls wearing mommy’s party dress & makeup) as it is to men. Unnatural, but sometimes fun & amusing.

Seeing a Richard Simmons on TV is NOT a “Gay encounter”. Though he probably doesn’t know it, this…guy…no doubt has “gay encounters” throughout the day. Even on TV! Since he seems to think all gays are coiffed (Richard Simmons, tho?) and wear spangles, he’d be blind your average Joe-Gay. Probably.

If a duck wearing jammies walked into my living room, I’d shout my daughter’s name LOUDLY, and lecture her about dressing animals in doll-clothes. Tho I think it was a real accomplishment when she got our cranky-cat into a pink (doll’s) tutu without him scratching her to shreds.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

As people, we find absurdities funny. That’s our first step in making sense of them.

As immature people, we stop there.

 
 

Quoth: “When wingnuts apologize before they’ve even opened their mouths, it usually means they are about to blow a load of spittle-flecked nonsense about [..etc..]”

Yah, that’s pretty funny, the way you attack the whole group like that, not simply the one commentator. I mean, it’s not like you said

“Minstrel shows are da bomb! Free Julie Myers. Resyndicate Amos ‘n Andy! And then let’s tell a few nigger jokes. They are crowd killers, I tell ya! Particularly where the people in the joke are named DeWinston, LaTasha and LeNoleum. And people who don’t think these jokes are the most hilarious ever, well, they just have some thick liberal PC stick up their butts”

…in a sarcastic tone.

Sarcasm falling flat, btw, only because of the monster hovering hypocrisy. If you’d gone after the guy instead of the -ism, you’d be golden.

Also: Flamboyant gay stuff *is* funny. It’s called ‘camp.’ It’s not supposed to be serious. Yay for Young Master Crowder! He’s figured out it’s not a personal threat or a Dire Assault On Humanity that men might be seen in jogging attire that includes sequins. It’s FUNNY. It’s fun. It’s amusing. Lighten up, kid.

And then figure out how to laugh *with* it, instead of *at* it. You’ll make more friends.

(Note: Preceeding advice applies both to Crowder and the Sadly, No Writing Squad.)

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

You know who else is funny?
Ragheads.

 
 

Yah, that’s pretty funny, the way you attack the whole group like that, not simply the one commentator.

And far more efficient.

You know what’s really funny? Somebody calling himself “Enoch Root.”

 
Knights in White Satin
 

“…it’s like when a friend started telling me a “joke” about a priest, a rabbi and a dog walking into a bar…”

It would be funnier if the dog was a pig. And it was, like, Easter. Or not.

 
Tim (The Other One)
 

Indeed, a duck in pajamas is central to my point.

 
 

Ya know, I was listening to “My Fair Lady” yesterday and the song “Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?” came on. Good song, but…is it …GAY?

I have thoughts on this topic. On the one hand, in Shaw’s Pygmalion, which the movie is based on, Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle do not end up together. Higgins and Pickering take up residence together as quote “confirmed old bachelors”. I mean, is there anything gayer?

On the other hand, Pygmalion draws it’s name from the greek sculptor who hates women so much that he constructs a giant doll that is more fabulous than all women combined, then falls in love with it. He dresses it, he feeds it. He cries because she doesn’t love him back. I mean, is there anything gayer?

 
 

Steve Crowder = WILF

 
 

The ‘tards won’t mind if we laugh at their cheeto fights.

 
 

I mean, is there anything gayer?

Grown men wearing outrageous necklaces dancing around in public?

Wait, you did say Russell Simmons, right?

 
Disco Ball Battalion
 

I mean, is there anything gayer?

Reporting for – whoa!

 
 

It’s a typo — supposed to be “a dick in pajamas.”

 
Don't be insulting Canadian Girls
 

He’s totally wearing that scarf to hide the hickeys his Canadian girlfriend wrestling coach gave him last last month.

Canada’s the number one tourist destination in the world for teh gays because it’s a Gay-friendly nation. If this boy has hickeys, they were made by American lips.

 
 

or more likely, a vacuum hose.

 
Galt's Gulch Water Board
 

Hey, gimme some credit. I posted a link to this a couple of days ago.

 
 

Don’t worry, we all very aware that Canadian girlfriends don’t actually exist.

 
 

There are men who like women who like men
There are women who like women every now and then
There are men who like men,
‘Cause they just can’t pretend
They are
Men who like women who like men.

And, contra Root, Crowder is much more usefully laughed at
than with. For a straight man to bravely take a stand and announce that,
damn the consequences, he finds flamboyant gay deportment funny, says more about his cultural ignorance than about his healthy sensibility. Add to that the implication that he’s defying some “PC” taboo (when gays are the first to mock themselves), and he’s just another wingnut manufacturer of straw men.

Add to THAT Crowder’s pretty-boy photos and his ongoing involvement with the topic, and you get a closet case striving manfully to maintain his denial and being–as they always are–completely oblivious of how obvious it all is.

Nonetheless, all of the above might make him more a candidate for pity than for mockery. But he consistently allies himself with wingnut sites and “conservative” agendas whose goals are malign and whose main proponents stand for exactly those homophobic, Christianist “values” that strive to keep people like Crowder proudly and stupidly in their closets, unself-knowing and self-excoriating until their last miserable day.

(I can’t believe I wrote all the above and I’m not even drunk.)

 
 

Poor old Steve. He would seem to be functionally illiterate. The word he is looking for is not “gay” but “camp”.

Yes, camp is funny. But it isn’t the same thing as homosexuality. You see, one involves having sex with members of the same gender, and the other.. Doesn’t.

Stevie is obviously incapable of making that subtle distinction though. Because of course, to him, everything DOES relate to having sex with other men in some way. I mean, take a look at what happened the last time his psychiatrist tried some word association.

“sausage”
penis!
“lawn”
hairy sweaty buttocks!
“socks”
bum love!
“doorhandle”
quadriceps fuzz!
“spatula”
sucking on a swarthy mexican man’s balls!

The results of the ink blot test were much the same…

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Two totally tangential observations:

A: They did resyndicate Amos & Andy. At least it sems like I remember this from when I was a kid. It was a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. The main character was “Col. Montgomery J. Klaxon”, a total con man. He was a fox, and his best friend was a dim-witted bear. The stories were totally recycled Amos & Andy, but they weren’t black, they were southern whites, except they were all different colors because they were…you know…animals. Did this really happen, or did I hallucinate it?

And, 2: Making fun of Richard Simmons is easy, and God love him, he’s at no pains to make it any harder, but he really has helped people. Honestly, people who were on the brink of suicide are alive today because he worked with them and brought them back from the brink. (Oh, I know, they were all fat girls, so they deserve to be made fun of, too. Damn Political Correctness!) Seriously, isn’t it wonderful that Steve Crowder’s done so much to help humanity that he can make fun of Richard Simmons with a clear conscience?

 
 

Also-has Richard Simmons ever actually self-identifiued as gay? I’ve always assumed he was asexual.

 
 

Scuse my finGAHS!

 
No-Visible-Means
 

I hope this isn’t his “A” material.

http://stevencrowder.net/3.html

 
 

No sheet, Rev Battleaxe. Not only that, it seems to have had Freeman Gosden as the voice of the Col.

A clip here.

 
 

Well, if “A” stands for “Assclown”…

 
 

I hope this isn’t his “A” material.

I don’t think he has “A” material.

And wow, check the body language. “Mincing” is charitable.

 
 

I’m also a little curious about the circumstances of how he lost that pair of underwear in Spanish Harlem.

But only a little.

 
 

The rare Patagonian Pyjama-wearing Duck is an endangered species because of over-hunting by Groucho wannabes.

 
 

The rare Patagonian Pyjama-wearing Duck is an endangered species because of over-hunting by Groucho wannabes.

Hunting them takes bolas.

 
 

Now listen you queer. Shut your mouth or I’ll sock you in your goddamn face and you’ll stay plastered.

 
 

As for the possibility that he could be a repressed closet case: If he weren’t rock-stupid, I might find him kinda cute. If I thought it would fix what’s wrong with him, I’d even sleep with him. But does that help or hurt guys with issues like this?
In any case, a more likely explanation for his attitude is that he’s only 21, and a lot of guys that age tend to just be really stupid about homosexuality.
I don’t doubt that Sean Penn may have cracked a gay joke or two in the past. But he also went to work on a film with Gus Van Zandt and had love scenes with James Franco and Diego Luna. So I think he MIGHT be a little more evolved now.
Which means there’s hope for Crowder, depending on who he wants to be when he grows up. Word of advice to him: We already have ONE Ben Shapiro, and that’s too many as it is.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

For example: If right now a duck were to walk into your room wearing pajamas, you’d most likely laugh

If a male duck walked into my room wearing pajamas, i’d be terrified.

Because in your mind, there is no place in the natural world where ducks are seen wearing pajamas.

No, indeed, but in the natural world, ducks are seen being gay.

Funny how cobags who invoke “natural law” always seem to know nothing about how nature really works.

 
 

From B4’s first link:
Bird cop­u­la­tion most­ly con­sists of a sim­ple, and rath­er chaste, “cloa­cal kiss”

I have one of the posters from their “Back Scatalog” tour in 2003.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

“cloa­cal kiss”

KISSUN UR DOIN IT RONG!!!

I get the feeling that scrowder’s future will involve an arrest in a petting zoo.

 
 

Sorry, people, that dude ai’nt gay, he’s just a dork–and from watching that video of his shitty stand-up, I’d say he’s a racist dork! Oh but maybe my senses are just f’ed up, sitting here with this killer head-cold from hell, which I am treating with robitussin and marijuana–but hey it’s medical shit, legally acquired from a friend who lent me some of his, so don’t tell me it’s not medicine!

 
 

Gary Bauer has such a purty mouth in his byline pic that I was too distracted to finish reading his latest investigative report, When Gays Attack. Would a more chaste lipstick tone help, or is it hopelessly insolvable?

 
 

Oh and that link to the onion thing about ‘Why do gay men keep sucking my dick’ was HI-larious. But did anybody else see this? Very deep.

 
 

I get the feeling that scrowder’s future will involve an arrest in a petting zoo.

Wearing an anatomically-correct panda suit.

 
 

By a remarkable coincidence, I had just returned from an informal memorial service for a friend of mine from college days (20+ years ago). Most of the people in attendance were gay men in their 40s. No coiffed hair, plenty of facial hair, and a noticeable absence of nail polish and lisps. (FWIW, the famous ‘lisp’ of gay men, when it exists, is more sibilance than true lisping). No doubt the faboo Mr. Crowder would have seen us as letting our side down by not playing up to his idea of ‘funny faggots’. I’ve noticed that a number of wingnuts are much more comfortable with ‘flamers’ than ordinarily-masculine gay men – the etiology behind this has been thoroughly analyzed by previous commenters, so I won’t belabor the point.

Bonus true story – I came out in high school senior year (1978), and, at one point, a classmate came up to me while I was at my locker and attempted to mock me by speaking in an exaggeratedly ‘gay’ accent, complete with lisping. Instead of getting angry or embarassed, I looked at him and replied ‘That sounds a lot more like YOU than ME,’ and walked away. He was both livid and terrified.

 
Knights in White Satin
 

Maybe it was Crowder who was “dressed up” and “made-over” by his older sisters a few too many times. Or he thought it was normal, but then when he discovered real men don’t wear pink tights and mommy’s high heels he got mad…at gays of course! It’s all their fault, anyone can see! He even laughs at ducks in pajamas just to be safe.

 
 

Ducks in pyjamas soar over churches
Pursued by a gay man in a rhinestone tank-top

 
 

we can see please now wingnut in pyjamas?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hey, does anyone else here suspect that crowderhead is getting in a dig at Pajamas Media here?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Sorry about the double post:

The funniest thing about TEH GHEY is that one can never again utter the nickname of a revered (by cobag Southron apologists) Confederate icon without conjuring images of the genesis of the gay rights movement.

Suck it, Conservative Confederate Cobags! Happy Pride Day to all GLBT Sadlynaughts.

 
 

If a male duck walked into my room wearing pajamas, i’d be terrified.

Well, fuck a duck.

Or not.

 
 

Speaking of Richard Simmons style of comedy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y2sSchlxPM

I defy anybody to not laugh at that video, it’s superbly random. The fat ghost in sweats wandering back and forth in front of the camera during the dance routine is my favourite part.

 
 

Although in his defense, flamboyant, blatant heterosexuality is hilarious

I beg to differ.

When I was single (and lonely) I found flamboyant, blatant heterosexuality to be most disturbing — because it met someone was getting some and that someone was not me.

Now that I am happily married, I think I shall engage is some flamboyant, blatant homosexuality very soon …

 
 

I am extremely disturbed by those monks and their flamboyant, blatant asexuality.

 
 

Don’t worry, we all very aware that Canadian girlfriends don’t actually exist.

says who

 
 

I look at the calendar and it says 2009. I read this article and it says 1963.

 
 

Item! The reason that Chowder made sure that his name appeared twice is so no one would mistakenly think they were reading Jackie Harvey.

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/kung_fudge_we_lost_another

 
 

Sarcastro: thanks for reminding me about “The French Mistake.”

 
 

a sim­ple, and rath­er chaste, “cloa­cal kiss”
Also, worst chocolate assortment evah.

 
 

I must express my thanks to Miss Crowder Thang’s instructive essay. I hav been terribly frustrated; it’s just so hard to be flamboyant in print. Thank you Stevie, thank you for leading by example.

 
 

If a duck walked into my bedroom wearing pajamas, I’d ask my Ho how much we were paying (for) it.

 
 

Steve Crowder looks like a Jonas Brother. But slightly less butch.

 
 

OH lighten up Francis.

Everything about everyone is funny. If it was a liberal saying all this, all you liberals would be laughing your asses off. Your just pissed because a conservative said it.

Liberal says something INCREDIBLY Racist: Everyone laughs, everyone thinks its funny.

Conservative says ANYTHING: OH YOUR JUST A SEXIST, JEW HATING, GAY-KILLING FASCIST PIG! Yeah… Ok… Whatever.

 
 

Boring guy. Boring “jokes”. Lame “gotcha” tactics in support of big money boys who give him good stuff.

 
 

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