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Woo! Now We’re Super-mad!
Sadly No! Destroyed by Dean’s World
by Dean
The evil forces of Sadly No! have been utterly destroyed by Optimus Prime of Dean’s World. Their servers brought low by our mighty power sword, they shall never recover from having challenged our mighty power.
Sure, we thought everything was cool after we signed our Mutual Non-Aggression Pact. But then I was sitting in the afterglow, finally relaxing, drinking my latte at the local Starbuck’s, when suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a flicker of motion: the dastardly Gavin M., making his way toward my seat, hoping to escape my notice of his betrayal!
I whipped out my katana and screamed “Die Gavin die!” as the other coffee-drinkers around me scattered. Then suddenly he was before me, drenched with sweat and panting with his sword in his hand. “Oh, you think you’re funny do you Esmay? Think so do you? But your time has come–the forces of Sadly No! will finally defeat you! Fill your hand with cold steal, you jingoistic sonovabitch!”
I leapt forward with my sword, howling for blood….
Special power: Underwear-yoink. Yoinks underwear over Dean’s head, hitches him to telephone pole.
“Aaah! Let me down! I’ll kill you and the leakers too! I’ll keel-keel-keel…”
Hey Seb, are we fully up yet? Can we post that pic we have of Dean at the titty bar?
Sadly, No! said,
January 12, 2006 at 20:18
That picture is guaranteed to bring us down again… but what the hell, do it!
Brad R., a.k.a. THE SLEDGEHAMMER OF JUSTICE!!!! said,
January 12, 2006 at 20:20
That’s not Dean at a titty bar. That’s actually just Dean with his shirt off. I can see how you’d get confused though- them boobies is huge.
Kevin K. said,
January 12, 2006 at 20:36
I’d kill for Dean’s boobs.
*oos*
Dean, please forget I said that, I don’t want you calling Barney Fife on me.
Kevin K. said,
January 12, 2006 at 20:37
*oops*
New Jersey Police said,
January 12, 2006 at 20:42
May we come in Mr. K?
Jay Brida said,
January 12, 2006 at 20:58
Hold on…Dean, appears to actually be trying to…let me check my work…carry the two…ignore the null set…write something funny!
Well good for him.
Of course, it’s less funny than his pitiless insistence on executions for his perceived enemies, but it’s funny enough to find anyone who is willing to write, “I whipped out my katana” in a non-erotic way.
Timmah420 said,
January 12, 2006 at 21:23
I once knew this guy named Adam when I worked in Tech support for MSN, I mean these guys had some freaks and losers working for them but Adam took the cake. This guy had a giant plastic tote full of about 500+ transformers. This guy would come to work with it, open it up, get on the phone and spend the next nine and a half hours of his day setting up, constructing, dismantling, organizing and reconstructing all of these like his desk was a booth at a comic convention.
Why am I bringing this up? One day when I took over Adam’s computer, I decided to be sneaky and check his history and see what he’s looking at all this time while playing with these toys. The spent his time in forums, writing (God’s honest truth) X-rated transformer and pregnant furry stories. Swear to god.
This Adam character looks like the bastard twin of Esmay. I’m not talking just a striking resemblance here… Down to the last thinning hair. And their prose and sense of “humor” are identifiably similar.
This leads me to two questions, Dean, have you ever worked for MSN, and do you write hilarious transformer porn? If so, I worked with you and know your real name.
celticgirl said,
January 12, 2006 at 22:01
I guess it was a forgone conclusion that this was going to end up being a geek-fest.
Nice one, cobags.
Jefe said,
January 12, 2006 at 22:49
… spent his time in forums, writing (God’s honest truth) X-rated transformer and pregnant furry stories …
Damn. I don’t know what else to say.
*shakes head*
Time to get back to work.
Jay Brida said,
January 12, 2006 at 22:51
Timmah420,
After that near miss with Gavin, you think he’s going to give up his real name (that is, if it isn’t the pig-latin derived Esmay)?
Although, let’s get to sluthin’.
Dean Esmay could be an anagram:
Adam Esyne?
Adam Neyse? (I like this one if you pronounce it ‘Nice’)
Adam Seyne? Yenes? Seney?
tigrismus said,
January 12, 2006 at 23:19
Esmay is a French-sounding name, it’s probably really Esmé. He should rename his site La Maison de la Cobbaggérie du Singe Fromage-Mangeant Capitulard or something.
Marq said,
January 12, 2006 at 23:28
tigrismus–Heh, indeedy!
D S May said,
January 13, 2006 at 0:26
Why must everybody laugh at my mighty sword?
larkspur said,
January 13, 2006 at 3:01
OMG, stop making me think about this:
“…Fill your hand with cold steal….”
Burglary is wrong. Robbery is wronger. Making me imagine a handful of cold steal is wrongest.
The tECHIDNA said,
January 13, 2006 at 3:08
Wow.
All we need are the words “katana” and “sword” replaced with something else that’s slightly blunt, yet slightly pointy…and thrusts…and fills your hand with…um, “cold steel”, and then we’ll really get the slash factor going in this loosely Transformers-related fanfic!
Quite frankly, I don’t what to be scared of more…Esmay on the Errortay, or Esmay on the Arousedway…
(Yes, that’s how the last word is supposed translated).
Maryc said,
January 13, 2006 at 4:19
“I whipped out my katana and screamed “Die Gavin die!”
This, of course, brings to mind a quote from a Corman Movie:
“But I’m a Grimwold Warrior!”(say it in a nicy whiny voice for full effect)
Dean Esmay said,
January 13, 2006 at 6:24
Of course, it’s less funny than his pitiless insistence on executions for his perceived enemies…
But funnier still is Jay’s paranoid notion that I ever said any of my enemies, political or otherwise, should be executed. Only people who actually, y’know, violate the law and the Constitution, regardless of political persuasion or any of that.
I know, I know, I know, much too subtle a difference for some people. But that’s just what makes it even funnier. Say Jay, do you check under your bed at night to make sure evvillle Bush voters aren’t lying in wait to grab your foot while you’re sleeping? :-)
Ron Mexico said,
January 13, 2006 at 6:35
:SMH:
Seriously, Dean, you shouldn’t be swinging your sword in public like that.
Especially as I hear it’s more a tanto than a katana.
The tECHIDNA said,
January 13, 2006 at 7:26
But funnier still is Jay’s paranoid notion that I ever said any of my enemies, political or otherwise, should be executed.
Please define, with specific examples and justifications, exactly what you mean by “enemies” in this context.
Considering you advocated public executions “when” (not if) “they are found guilty,” as evidenced by your post that started it all, you may want to be very careful how you define “enemies” to stay within the bounds of elementary logic.
Just sayin’.
fiver said,
January 13, 2006 at 8:20
Wow..it’s like Esmay has created a cargo cult for humor. He’s constructed an elaborate humor-like construct on the off-chance that it will attract any passing funny.
Here’s a hint, Dean, next time, try photoshopping a piece of fruit on to someone’s head. That one always kills me.
Edmund Schluessel said,
January 13, 2006 at 9:32
Moriarty’s real name is Arty Morty!
D. Sidhe said,
January 13, 2006 at 13:43
Man, you just don’t see good cargo cult jokes that often.
I salute you, fiver.
Timmah420 said,
January 13, 2006 at 18:20
I don’t think funny would be caught anywhere near Dean’s post.
casey said,
January 13, 2006 at 22:40
Dean Esmay = Ye Sad Mane
= Mee Sad, Nay!
Just to clarify, Dean, that was not a death threat against you or your family!!!! Please don’t sic the LG law firm (sadly no regulars, do I have that one right?) or your fertile, homoerotic imagination on me!
Oh, and pal, if you have to specify the =) for people to tell you were making a joke, what you were saying wasn’t funny. I understand in the part of the blogosphere where you come from, satire is not understood, so everything is taken at face value unless there is the appropriate emoticon to tell you how you’re supposed to feel. And conversely you can say whatever you want (especially any baroque torture phantasies), no matter how un-funny or offensive it is, so long as you add the smiley face at the end. But Dean, here in the hi-larity based community things work a little differently. ;)
Let’s eat all teh Irish babies! LOL :) j/k