Jun
9
9
Them Panties. Take ‘em Off.
Shorter Don Surber:
ABOVE: Don Surber, The Pride of the Pocatilico
Don Surber, blogs.squeallikeapig.com
Lifestyle Taxes
- Democrats are thinking about taxing each bottle of Rebel Yell that I buy. They ought to tax fags instead.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
he flips said,
June 9, 2009 at 10:08
Wow that really wasn’t hyperbole
justme said,
June 9, 2009 at 10:33
IV drugs? Oh, yeah. You’d have to legalize them to do that.
Well, as long as he’s tearing off a litany of things to tax that he’ll never have to pay, I guess we should tax penises by the inch.
JGabriel said,
June 9, 2009 at 11:23
Please don’t.
.
W. Kiernan said,
June 9, 2009 at 12:25
A reader writes to Don Surber:
Why should the mainstream public have their lifestyles criticized and taxed, and not the liberals.
And you can’t help noticing how it’s so clearly stated, in fact utterly taken for granted, that sexual intercourse is regarded as part of the “liberals’s” lifestyle, and not as part of the “mainstream public’s” lifestyle.
M. Bouffant said,
June 9, 2009 at 12:37
Damn, Tintin, you’re giving us a tour of wingnut toilets.
Better hurry if you want to get a calendar out for next yr.
That’s right Dan, & every penny of the money the gov’t. “makes” goes right to the multi-miilion dollar executive salaries they gov’t. pays.
I ♣ Dan Surber.
The Kid from Kounty Meath said,
June 9, 2009 at 12:58
If there is an equivalent of Absolute Zero in Wingnuttia, it would have to be arguing that we’re creeping toward Teh Socializm based on our implementation of a concept introduced to America by notorious pinko Alexander Hamilton. I can only conclude, ladies and gentlemen, that Aaron Burr is the Klaus von Stauffenberg of liberal fascism. Also.
Stephen said,
June 9, 2009 at 13:05
There always seems to be a hint of jealousy in the ranting of repressed wingnuts about those hedonistic, amoral liberals. “Curse you librels with all yer sex and yer sekyalur musac and yer families with less than eight kids… sigh…”
Prudence Goodwife said,
June 9, 2009 at 13:22
” government run sperm check stations on every street corner would provide(hand) jobs and we could cut down on advanced STDs also.”
Sign me up!
blowback said,
June 9, 2009 at 13:44
Don’t they already tax fags in the US? They do here in the UK and also throughout most of Europe although some countries tax them less than others which leads to a lot of smuggling.
Jennifer said,
June 9, 2009 at 13:52
I never thought I’d be saying this, but Surber is on to something here.
How about a tax on stoopid?
That’s Don’s “lifestyle” and it’s sure cost us all a lot more than anything he’s come up with.
Arky Schadenfreude said,
June 9, 2009 at 13:57
Fxd.
Parents, pet and livestock owners, if you see M. Surber lurking near your home, fire at will.
Wow said,
June 9, 2009 at 13:57
ça brûle… ça brûle …
Ted the Slacker said,
June 9, 2009 at 14:06
How about a tax on stoopid?
Called the Lottery.
Still, I think with this post is important to note, indeed celebrate, the day when a dumbass discovers the concept of negative externalities. Tom Friedman stumbled across it several weeks ago, now Don Surber, who knows where this could end.
Robt Ludlum's The Szslakian Szyzygy said,
June 9, 2009 at 14:31
hey Don (we know you read this); howsa bout a tax on mammy-jammin’ possum- jumpers? using-meth-and-automatic-weapons? confederate flags? As far as your suggesting taxing abortions, fine, I’ll take two. Now, stop shooting doctors, you mammy-jammin’ possum-jumper !!!
El Cid said,
June 9, 2009 at 14:31
You know, I’m not so sure that “Rebel Yell” whiskey sounds so macho:
Is it best when sipped while wearing nothing but a leather thong and watching the movie “300″?
TomMil said,
June 9, 2009 at 14:33
What’s up with that dude’s teeth. Where’s he from? West Virginia? He is? Oh, then maybe he’s a dentist.
Robt Ludlum's The Szslakian Szyzygy said,
June 9, 2009 at 14:35
That photoshop belongs on the lobby poster for “The Hills Have Eyes 3: The Caucusing”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
June 9, 2009 at 14:53
S,N! may have the best collection of outhouse photos on the innert00bz.
Pere Ubu said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:02
And you can’t help noticing how it’s so clearly stated, in fact utterly taken for granted, that sexual intercourse is regarded as part of the “liberals’s” lifestyle, and not as part of the “mainstream public’s” lifestyle.
The mind croggles at exactly how Mr. Don thinks the “mainstream public” reproduces. Maybe he thinks it works like fish: good Christian men just leave a small packet of spem on the bedside table, which the Good Christian Wife then collects and unobtrusively inserts.
Jennifer said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:02
Gee, it seems that Don didn’t care for my idea of a stupidity tax, since my comment was censored.
Perhaps it was my observation that, had such a tax been in place, George W. Bush would have left us with a surplus rather than another $4 trillion in debt.
El Cid said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:04
Republicans once again up their game for real, honest and for true financial reform:
Dennis-SGMM said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:09
The wingers are slipping. They forgot a tax on dijon mustard also.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:19
AIDS is a big problem. What do we tax to finance it?
Clearly, your feeble little mind, Donbo.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:21
I ? Dan Surber.
Do you spay beeyotches? I thought you neutered them.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:23
ça brûle… ça brûle …
Have we settled on this as the formal construct? I want to make sure to include it in my Internet traditions.
g said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:31
Well, that was enlightening. I read it, AND the comments.
These boneheads don’t seem to understand how taxes work.
“Tax fishing” – said, yuk yuk, sarcasticly. “Tax school children.” Sure thing, next time someone decides to do commerce by selling school children, a tax would be a good idea.
Sheesh said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:34
Hey everyone,
Good news, OT: Both Monday night’s Daily Show and the Report are must see — catch them on the intertubes at Comedy Central’s site, or where ever. Do it now.
Victory has been declared in Iraq!
Politician said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:41
Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
Pere Ubu said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:50
Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
What, number Twos?
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:50
“Tax fishing” – said, yuk yuk, sarcasticly.
Ironically, they do that already. Those yahoos are too stoopid to realize that those fishing licenses and lake use fees they pay for the privilege are taxes Republicans imposed so they can say they NEVER RAISED TAXES!
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:51
Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
What, number Twos?
No, no no, thingy!
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:52
Personally, I think we could kill two birds with one stone with these asswipes and tell them we’ll tax foreigners living abroad.
Pere Ubu said,
June 9, 2009 at 15:55
No, no no, thingy!
Oh, Thingy!
it’d certainly make working for Jackson Hewitt much more interesting…
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 16:47
Prudence Goodwife: your URL redirects to a login prompt.
You know, I’m not so sure that “Rebel Yell” whiskey sounds so macho:
It sound delish! I hope it comes in a Mason jar, for verisimilitude.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 17:06
You know, I’m not so sure that “Rebel Yell” whiskey sounds so macho:
It sound delish! I hope it comes in a Mason jar, for verisimilitude.
It’s a storage medium for spermatozoAmericans?
Lawnguylander said,
June 9, 2009 at 17:13
The Surbhuman has never blocked me from commenting but when I do leave comments there I put a link to my thumb puppet depiction of him in the url box and he edits it out within minutes every time.
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 17:40
It’s a storage medium for spermatozoAmericans?
I think freezing would be better than canning for long-term storage, but either way: ew.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 17:43
The Surbhuman has never blocked me from commenting
Does it to me all the time. I like to think about the fact that either he reads each and every comment as it comes in…meaning he gets an eyeful of what I say about him…or the Daily Mail had to hire a moderator, in which case I’m doing my part to keep another American job from being outsourced.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 17:45
I think freezing would be better than canning for long-term storage, but either way: ew.
Jesus’ General commands us that we must value all life, so Jesus’ General tells us we must store our flagellAmericans in either a mason jar or sock.
The Rainbow Batman Will Pay A Tax When A Double-Fistful Of Knuckles Is Accepted As Legal Tender (As In Tenderize) said,
June 9, 2009 at 18:23
Alternate Shorter Don: Ever’ mouf is purty, in its own way.
Candy said,
June 9, 2009 at 18:52
The attorney who interviewed me yesterday had an unopened bottle of Rebel Yell on his credenza. I sure hope it’s some sort of inside joke, and that the gentleman is not a wingnut, because I think they’re going to offer me the job. Here’s hoping. He is a trial lawyer, and a member of the trial lawyer’s association, and they aren’t generally in love with the party of tort reform . . . I tell myself this, anyway.
I used to date a guy from Ohio, who had grown up right on the other side of the river from West Virginia. He used to rant about the Surberlike stoopidity of many WVirginias. He would say that the only industries West Virginia had were kids and dope. Didn’t mean it in a mean way, he understood that poverty was the problem, but it made him furious that they would vote against their own best interests because of wingnut Babble-based social issues. He was the first to admit that his own side of the river wasn’t much better.
Rusty Shackleford said,
June 9, 2009 at 19:06
The attorney who interviewed me yesterday had an unopened bottle of Rebel Yell on his credenza.
I’d suggest he might have gone to Ole Miss, but you say the bottle was unopened.
Andre Giddy said,
June 9, 2009 at 19:23
If they increased the tax on books, no one in Surberland would ever have to pay an extra fucking dime.
Prudence Goodwife said,
June 9, 2009 at 19:32
Thanks Trig, it seems there is a problem with my website host.
Prudence Goodwife said,
June 9, 2009 at 19:51
It’s Tig. Sorry, I knew I would get that wrong.
Candy said,
June 9, 2009 at 20:24
Rusty: Nah, he’s an Iowegian and Drake Law grad, which is kinda why the Rebel Yell thing was so disconcerting. Nothing worse than a Confedrut Yankee, nome sane?
Fortunately, he didn’t strike me as very wingnutty.
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 20:36
Not a problem, just don’t ask what’s my sine.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 21:46
Not a problem, just don’t ask what’s my sine.
Can I tell you that you have a nice tan?
Smut Clyde said,
June 9, 2009 at 21:52
Never accuse tigrismus of hyperbolic functions.
I have drunk the
fluids
that were in
the mason jars
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 21:53
As a matter of fact, I do have a nice, tan gent. I’d tell you where he is, but I can’t quite tell if he’s opposite over if he’s adjacent. Damn round tables always making things difficult.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 22:03
Damn round tables always making things difficult.
I keep bumping into them at night and cursing “SOHCAH-TOE-A!”
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 22:24
Yes, but you’re so radian when you say it. No, not radian, what’s the word… oh yes: purple.
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 22:33
Yes, but you’re so radian when you say it. No, not radian, what’s the word… oh yes: purple.
It’s integral to my character, you see. I have a sinusoid infection.
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 22:36
And Smut, I’m speechless: you are on another, exponentially higher plane. One that serves really really bad food.
tigrismus said,
June 9, 2009 at 22:38
Don’t let that sickness kick your asymptote, Actor!
actor212 said,
June 9, 2009 at 22:43
I will fight it with my teeth, nails and the parabola I took off the Mexican bandita on the other thread.
M. Bouffant said,
June 9, 2009 at 23:41
Actor, that’s a CLUB, not a spade!
satch said,
June 10, 2009 at 0:46
Jennifer and Lawnguylander: one of the endearing features of Surberland is that he deletes the posts that disagree with him, but leaves up the comments referring to the deleted posts, making it even harder to figure out just what the hell is going on over there.
Bitter Scribe said,
June 10, 2009 at 1:55
One of the most frustrating things about Sadly, No!’s graphics is trying to figure out which aspects were and weren’t Photoshopped.
I know this guy doesn’t wear overalls and hang around outhouses that look made from Popsicle sticks. But can those be his real glasses? His teeth? His haircut?
tigrismus said,
June 10, 2009 at 2:02
Well, here’s a pic, decide for yourself.
Righteous Bubba said,
June 10, 2009 at 2:05
Here’s another.
jim said,
June 10, 2009 at 3:16
It’s cold comfort, I know, what with not being applied as often as some might prefer – but there already is a tax on stupidity & it’s a rather Draconian one at that … for details, Google “Darwin Awards.”
Blartleby the Scrivener said,
June 10, 2009 at 7:30
El Cid, what’s unmacho about wearing a leather thong and watching 300? I think that’s TREMENDOUSLY macho.
Think about it — was the song “Macho, Macho Man” recorded by (a) Hank Williams, Jr or (b) the Village People?
Mentis Fugit said,
June 10, 2009 at 13:28
And once again, the blue states pay more than their fair share.
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,
June 10, 2009 at 13:42
“Is [Rebel Yell] best when sipped while wearing nothing but a leather thong and watching “300??”
Ah perfers ut over ass.
Blartleby the Scrivener said,
June 10, 2009 at 18:44
Candy, have you considered that this attorney may be not a redneck wannabe, but a Billy Idol fan?
I’m not sure that’s much better, mind you.
cjackb said,
June 14, 2009 at 23:41
Sigh, everyone knows Reagan poisoned the gays with AIDS. He was the one who screwed that goddamned monkey.