May
29
29
The Quality Of Mercy Is Strained
Toby Dials, RedState:
(Cartoon) – When empathy is applied to justice…
- Inasmuch as Justice is a blonde Caucasian woman in classical dress who is holding a balance in her left hand, the ‘empathy’ that President Obama has cited as a quality salutory to jurists can be imagined as a bandanna around that figure’s neck that is knotted to a monofilamentous wire looped around a small pulley which is, in turn, affixed to the ceiling — such an arrangement serving, via downward force applied by actors unseen, to tighten the bandanna of ‘empathy’ around the neck of ‘Justice,’ occasioning from her a look of alarm.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Notes:
2 – Granted, the Shorter that’s actually longer than the original text is a funny-once-or-twice sort of dealo, except possibly when applied to Glenn Reynolds and his daily string of acid reflux burps (funny at least three or four times). But what if the original thing isn’t made of text at all? I’m just thinking out loud here.
Alternate setup: President Hussein McRoosevelt reads the comics over the radio.
Navvy said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:11
Wow, there’s a whole lot of unfunny in them there cartoons!
LittlePig said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:16
These jokers really don’t grasp the whole concept of “Judge”, do they?
tigrismus said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:27
I think the implication is that judges having empathy means that the traditional blindfold of justice is removed, and she is blinking because she’s unused to seeing the light. Hard to say for sure, as they are all so very very bad.
Pere Ubu said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:31
They still think the whole “judges must be objective” thing is going to be a winner for them with big albatrossi named Alito and Thomas hanging around their necks, eh?
Bring it on, wingnuts.
Stephen said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:40
Breaking news, wingnuts are inhuman bastards.
And as that page also reveals (or rather reminds), they are incapable of arguing their position with even a shred of honesty.
actor212 said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:41
I thought justice was blind, not blonde.
Arky4That1 said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:44
I’m off on a quest to find a funny loonycon and be some time.
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:47
The only allowable influence on the scales of justice is the heavy corporate finger pulling down the right side.
Chris Lepore said,
May 29, 2009 at 19:56
I never knew that about Fiorello LaGuardia reading the cartoons over the air – only the Firesign Theatre sketch from Dear Friends where Mayor Dropyour LaGuardia reads Maggie and Jiggs on the occasion of the end of WWI. “Open your papers, kids, to Monday, November 11, 1918, San Francisco Examiner. …”
Never let it be said that this site lacks educational value!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:02
Thanks to S,N! I know all about dim-witted badgers and rabid pelicans.
Batocchio said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:12
Damn, those cartoons are horrible.
Sarcastro said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:16
Shhh!
Nobody tell them she’s a dike.
owlbear1 said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:20
If I follow this argument along it seems to be that “ONLY elderly white males are sufficiently cold-hearted to Supreme Court Justices”?
Is that teh Gist?
owlbear1 said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:21
lost a be, so careful.
cur said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:26
The auto-erotic asphyxiation of justice. I would have done it in anime.
Sirius Lunacy said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:48
Aparently there is Blonde Justice it is x rated and there is no image availlable.
actor212 said,
May 29, 2009 at 20:49
You mean this, Sirius?
thetragicsongwildfire said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:06
So, so, so, close to the Mekons title perhaps you mean “is not”?
Dan said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:07
Erm, yes, because in this country there is a long history of people of color lynching white people. Never the other way around.
He really brings the lulz on that one!
g said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:12
If only Solomon hadn’t had so much empathy, both those moms would have each gotten at least a half a baby.
g said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:19
If I follow this argument along it seems to be that “ONLY elderly white males are sufficiently cold-hearted to Supreme Court Justices”?
No, that’s only half the talking point. the other half is she’s a meanie.
It goes like this: “She’s too empathetic to be a judge, and she’s mean.”
It works better if you pound your head against the wall while saying it.
tigrismus said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:19
So, so, so, close to the Mekons title perhaps you mean “is not”?
The Mekons of Venice is my favorite play.
drew42 said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:24
Wow, all of Toby’s cartoons are hilarious, and smartly subtle!
I think he also does political cartoons for The Onion.
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:31
Batocchio is right – simply horrible. Makes Chris Muir look like somebody who can draw.
William Shakespeare said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:38
#
thetragicsongwildfire said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:06
So, so, so, close to the Mekons title perhaps you mean “is not”?
So close to the what now?
Galt's Gulch Water Board said,
May 29, 2009 at 21:48
I was going to cite the Onion too.
(Gosh I wish I knew how to do HTML formatting in these posts.)
Glen Tomkins said,
May 29, 2009 at 22:22
More visually compact
That would have to be what you’ld do if you wanted to apply the “shorter” concept to cartoons. You’ld have to do a cartoon that captured the original cartoonist’s fatuousness with a few simple but bold strokes of an artist’s pen.
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 29, 2009 at 22:34
You’ld have to do a cartoon that captured the original cartoonist’s fatuousness with a few simple but bold strokes of an artist’s pen.
I recall a doodle in Breakfast of Champions that would work.
Nom de Plume said,
May 29, 2009 at 22:46
I think he also does political cartoons for The Onion.
Our local paper used to have a cartoonist who labeled literally everything in his cartoons, even more prodigiously than those Onion parodies. I’m talking that if he had a picture of the world, he would label it “Earth”.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 29, 2009 at 22:55
I kinda like that. It’s like Richard Scarry books.
J— said,
May 29, 2009 at 23:32
God damn it to hell, where the fuck is Gold Bug.
Rev. Dada Grind said,
May 29, 2009 at 23:59
Here is a nice little story about empathy applied to justice.
Smut Clyde said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:02
I dare Gavin to shorterise a Heath Robinson cartoon.
[or 'Rube Goldberg', if you insist on me using the US spelling]
J— said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:13
Heath Robinson
Does the stress fall on the first or second syllable of his first name?
Righteous Bubba said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:31
Tom Tom Club says second.
LongHairedWeirdo said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:43
Re: “shorter” applied to cartoons – I think you only have to keep it under 1000 words per panel.
Lancelot Link said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:44
According to the laws of aphorism, a “shorter” version of a picture can contain up to 999 words.
Lancelot Link said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:45
Damn you, long-haired weirdo!
J— said,
May 30, 2009 at 0:56
Tom Tom Club—unfit to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court due to funny surname pronunciation and insistence on singing the praises of a black Robinson when there are plenty of qualified white male Robinsons, but still the Talking Heads’ best work.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
May 30, 2009 at 1:39
I kinda like that. It’s like Richard Scarry books.
But nary a Tyrolean hat in sight.
g beat me to the punch with the reference to Solomon, so I’ll just mention a BBBB favorite.
Spiders Everywhere said,
May 30, 2009 at 2:26
I’m thinking it’s like, EMPATHY is pulling her to the left? And Justice being a famously weak-willed figure just sorta leans over whichever way when you give her a push? In this case to the left, which symbolizes The Left? Although while it’s our left it’s really her right, and also kind of up due to the pulley, the purpose of which is unclear unless there’s a new political schema that uses two dimensions so like you could say someone was Upper-Left Wing? Which I guess would not be wholly unwelcome in that a little more nuance in our ideological descriptors seems kinda handy, although one has to suspect that that would just lead to three of the corners being subjected to hostile rebranding by the fourth to the point that the majority of people are just gonna say “independent” and no one knows what anything means, so exactly like it is now, is what I think I’m saying.
Dr. Psycho said,
May 30, 2009 at 10:53
I’m with Sarcastro: a woman wearing a bandanna has got to be a Dike.
LittlePig, they also don’t grasp the concept of “cartoon”, either.
meshuggeneh goy said,
May 30, 2009 at 23:40
It’s no surprise that this guy sucks. Everyone knows that wingnuts are humor-, irony- and logic-impaired, and good political cartoons need at least two of the three.
Still, it’s quite an achievement to make Chris Muir look talented.
Aaron said,
May 31, 2009 at 2:50
om Tom Club—unfit to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court due to funny surname pronunciation and insistence on singing the praises of a black Robinson when there are plenty of qualified white male Robinsons, but still the Talking Heads’ best work.
Heretic!
Doctorb said,
June 2, 2009 at 9:20
Since a picture is worth a thousand words, this Shorter is, in some sense, shorter.
Doctorb said,
June 2, 2009 at 9:23
note to self: control-F not only “thousand” but “1000″ (and “1,000″)