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They’re working it hard, no doubt.
Excelsior! It’s more liberal holiday gifts from our wingnut Weblog Award colleagues, Six Meat Buffet.
Unfortunately (woo!) we’ve not only seen that idea before, but they’re trying to antagonize us by using one of our very own evil cat minions.
“Hspfth. I did not authorize that picture.”
We know, cat minion. Here, have a piece of Holiday Tofurky®.
“Ach, Tofurky again? Ve are quite zick-und-tired of always Tofurky!”
But kitties, what then can a liberal serve for a Holiday dinner?
Item 230-55-720 – ‘Tofobster’
From the cold waters of New England comes… But wait — save the boiling-alive for our ‘New Europe’ ally, Uzbekistan. This rice-paper-shelled mock-crustacean might look like Homarus americanus, but it’s strictly Homarus ameri-Veggus! Stuffed with tender, delicious soy filling (yes, you can eat every morsel), all you’ll need is a bib and a chafing dish of melted soy butter to give your Holiday dinner a visit from Santa “Claws!”
Also available:
Item 230-55-728 – ‘Tofoyster’
Sold Out!
tigrismus said,
December 15, 2005 at 1:46
Actually, for any interested liberal vegetarian evil kittens, Lion’s Mane mushrooms taste surprisingly lobster-like.
Gavin M. said,
December 15, 2005 at 1:50
Are they the same as Shaggy Manes?
tigrismus said,
December 15, 2005 at 1:55
I dunno, but it’s Hericium americanum, if that helps you find out.
Gavin M. said,
December 15, 2005 at 1:58
Oh. No, I just know it from cruising Tom Volk’s site (fungus of the month, etc). I’ve never seen any; have you?
suburban refugee said,
December 15, 2005 at 2:02
Finally, something more pathetic than tofurkey.
tigrismus said,
December 15, 2005 at 2:03
Yep, I grew it from a nifty little kit I got for Christmas. I made faux Lobster Thermidor just to be able to say I had. It was dreamy.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 15, 2005 at 2:19
Why are you ragging so hard on Six Inches Uncut Buffet? And what do you have against the Medium Lobster?
tigrismus said,
December 15, 2005 at 2:27
I also meant to point out that the one they stole from here was the only funny one so far, but got carried away with fungus chatter. I’m so ashamed.
dtestd said,
December 15, 2005 at 2:29
I’d like to see Virgin Ben try tofuck.
Timmah420 said,
December 15, 2005 at 3:30
Naw, He’d just call it a “dirty, filthy, liberal food” then trow it out and masturbate to episodes of the original Batman series.
dtestd said,
December 15, 2005 at 4:18
Yeah, he’d probably just poke at it and sulk.
Lyndie Englund said,
December 15, 2005 at 4:29
I prefer dark tofuck.
mdh?tter said,
December 15, 2005 at 4:30
foiled again.
D. Sidhe said,
December 15, 2005 at 4:51
No more Tofurkey for the attack cats.
Have you ever seen a cat with a small animal? They’re objectively pro-torture, guys.
Feed ‘em like republicans. Brisket, you know. All meat, dammit.
A Liberal said,
December 15, 2005 at 5:08
That’s great and all, meatheads, but you know what I’d really like for Christmas? A new administration and a few indictments.
Honey said,
December 15, 2005 at 5:38
Soy butter? What a disgusting idea.
Timmah420 said,
December 15, 2005 at 6:58
You’d be impressed by what soy can do.
Pinko Punko said,
December 15, 2005 at 8:08
Ugh. Soyrizo? Apparently pop ren eats soy carnitas? Have you ever heard of such a thing? Dogs and cats living together!
Pinko Punko said,
December 15, 2005 at 8:45
As much as I hate 6MB! (are they bizarro 3B!?) Cranky did give celticgirl a little preview in that thread. Funny thing is how much a joke all these conservos think Frist is. Poor Fristy, born without a spine.
Marq said,
December 15, 2005 at 9:16
Man, Gav, that was a hella lot of set-up just tofuck wit us!
Twice the bulls, but cooked!
celticgirl said,
December 15, 2005 at 9:37
“Sorry guys. I don?t want Frist to run for President. I?m not throwing anything at him harder than he?d face in a national election.
comment by smantix ? Monday, December 12, 2005 @ 6:14 pm”
Dudes, that was TOTALLY lame. But at least even they recognize what a liability Fristy has become.
celticgirl said,
December 15, 2005 at 9:46
…oh, and I’m glad to see some evil kitties back on SN! They have been missed.
Pinko Punko said,
December 15, 2005 at 9:52
Gav is all about the follow through. You never know where it’s gonna go, then WHAM. Like stepping on a rak..WHAM*
*ow. stepped on a rake.
celticgirl said,
December 15, 2005 at 10:17
PP: Don’t you sleep? I’ve got to be at least 5 hours ahead of you and you’ve been posting nonstop since I checked my computer last night before I went to bed!
tps12 said,
December 15, 2005 at 17:25
Crap, “tofuck.” One of my two secret jokes that I’ve been storing up to unleash when called upon to perform a standup routine has, as its punchline, “tofuckling pig.” I don’t think “tofuck” is funnier, but it does neutralize my joke. : my joke. :
Lucy said,
December 15, 2005 at 17:50
Now I’m confused. Are those real products? I would buy Tofobster, no joke. There is a long tradition in Buddhist Chinese cookery of faux meats, and they are damn good, especially the prawns and chicken. Some of you may be lucky enough to live in an area (DC, for example)where all-vegetarian Chinese restaurants abound. I don’t.”Honey” thinks soy butter is a “disgusting idea.” Why? Have you tried it? It’s made from vegetable fat, big deal. Is that any more disgusting than making a spread out of bovine udder secretions? Now THAT’s disgusting.
Strange Forces said,
December 15, 2005 at 18:04
Mmmm… Bovie udder secretions – very similar to what mom used to make.
But seriously, soy “butter” is just another version of margarine. Sweet, sweet soy! Is there nothing you can’t do?
teh l4m3 said,
December 15, 2005 at 18:44
LUCY: There’s an awesome place on Jones in SF called Golden Era. You cannot tell their lemon fake chicken from the real thing. And they’re cheap!
Gavin M. said,
December 15, 2005 at 19:17
There’s a place in Phila. right near the great used/rare record store (off S. Street)…
Lucy said,
December 15, 2005 at 19:24
Gavin, are you talking about the one on Cherry Street (I think Cherry St Vegetarian Chinese)? Their salty/spicy prawns are so very, very good that even my “I Spit Out Vegetarian Food” father loved them.
Strange Forces, that’s funny. :) (very similar to what mom used to make)
Lucy said,
December 15, 2005 at 19:27
P.S. “Honey,” I didn’t mean to sound so rude; it just came out that way!
Your Mom said,
December 15, 2005 at 20:33
“Tofobster” made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. (And by “almost”, I mean “actually”.)
GuinnessGuy said,
December 15, 2005 at 22:33
Ugghhh… tofu.
Stuff makes me vomit- but then, so does ground beef. I’m weird like that.
Though, the post does make me crave a steak for some reason.
Marq said,
December 16, 2005 at 4:36
I like me meat what is meat!
Dr. LT, The Song Blogger said,
December 16, 2005 at 6:53
In honor of this thread, I’ve removed the B from Dr. BLT. I’m going meatless for one post.