May
18

Flip. Flop.




Posted at 14:44 by Tintin
breitbart_snuggie
(No Photoshop was used in harming this
wingnut.)


I hate to admit it, but I feel sorry for Andrew Breitbart’s wife. No, really, I do. Mr. Breitbart is such a quivering doughboy of outrage that she can’t even go to brunch with him in Santa Monica without him making an utter fool of himself.

So, here are Andy and Mrs. Andy at Shutters in Santa Monica, unable to afford a full meal but splurging for some dip and a couple of margaritas.

Soon after our drinks arrived, a group of mostly-college-age kids began walking by in large bunches, many in tandem holding large rope segments in groups of 20 or so. They clearly were marching for something they considered important.

As they passed, the protesters stared sourly at the second story where we sat. Fellow patrons wondered aloud what this now massive conga line was all about. About 300 people into the procession, I spotted a sign that had “war” written in it. One T-shirt read, “Stop forcing our children to be your soldiers.”

It’s a voluntary army, you stupid kids!

Of course, you can see where this is going. Breitbart starts to seethe that these dirty fucking hippies are just like everybody else in Hollywood, always trying to ruin his tequila buzz with their liberal antics.

Knowing that Susie considers a true escape a day when politics isn’t on the menu, I kept my observations to myself.

Susan, no doubt, is beginning to regret that she didn’t put on a burqa before heading out with Andy.

I even restrained my natural impulse to run down to the sand to go mano a mano with the rabble-rousers.

The idea of Andy imagining himself going all Hulk against a thousand or so protesters is really quite tragic, but, fortunately for Andy, the probability of him abandoning an alcoholic beverage to go tussle with a crowd of demonstrators is about the same as the probability that he will one day visit a barber or wash and iron a shirt before putting it on again.

Then came the liberal fist of a doom, the gesture so evil, so powerful, that Andy could no longer restrain himself and knew that it was time to exhibit his brave and manly middle finger to Hollywood and the rest of the world:

But when one dude raised his fist like runners Tommie Smith and John Carlos did at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, I could not hold myself back. I jumped from my seat and bolted to the center of the balcony, where the American flag waved furiously in a now-harsh wind. Positioned next to Old Glory, I countered the young punk and reached out my right arm directing my middle finger in his direction.

As soon as my finger was raised, a phalanx of photographers began snapping away at the white middle-aged man wearing a white LaCoste shirt next to the old red, white and blue. Cognizant of the power of imagery, I owned the moment and refused to back down. The fist wielder immediately dropped his arm. I clearly had won and envisioned photos of the anti-antiwar protester making the front pages of the Los Angeles Times.

I think that’s what’s called going Mitty.1

Happily for Andy, but quite sadly for Sadly, No!, there is no record of this image of an enraged dumpy-assed white guy standing on the balcony at Shutters flipping everyone the bird.2

Here’s the punch line: several days later, Andy gets an email from one of the photographers wondering why a march “in solidarity for the children abducted and forced to fight for the LRA in Northern Uganda and more recently in the Congo” caused Andy to get so worked up. The photographer continued:

I believe most people in America are in agreement that human slavery, genocide and child soldiers are a terrible thing. This event was hardly controversial. The protest marched by ‘Shutters on the Beach.’ After reviewing the photographs I was taking for the event and confirming the facts (you were in Santa Monica at the date and time) I realized you were flipping the protesters off. I am curious to why this is the case.

Well the answer is simple: because Andy is a tosspot who sees a liberal conspiracy behind everything from today’s weather to the placement of forks to the left of the dinner plate. That’s why.


1Cf.


“The cannonading has got the wind up in young Raleigh, sir,” said the sergeant. Captain Mitty looked up at him through tousled hair. “Get him to bed,” he said wearily. “With the others. I’ll fly alone.” “But you can’t, sir,” said the sergeant anxiously. “It takes two men to handle that bomber and the Archies are pounding hell out of the air. Von Richtman’s circus is between here and Saulier.” “Somebody’s got to get that ammunition dump,” said Mitty. “I’m going over. Spot of brandy?” He poured a drink for the sergeant and one for himself. War thundered and whined around the dugout and battered at the door. … He poured another brandy and tossed it off. “I never see a man could hold his brandy like you, sir,” said the sergeant. “Begging your pardon, sir.” Captain Mitty stood up and strapped on his huge Webley-Vickers automatic. “It’s forty kilometers through hell, sir,” said the sergeant. … Walter Mitty walked to the door of the dugout humming “Auprès de Ma Blonde.” He turned and waved to the sergeant. “Cheerio!” he said. . .

2The real question this incident raises is why someone like Breitbart, who is about as photogenic as road kill after two days in August on a highway in Georgia, is always leaping up and throwing himself in front of a camera lens.

326 Comments »

  1. Ken Lowery said,

    May 18, 2009 at 14:49

    This is a pretty fantastic way to start the week.

  2. Pere Ubu said,

    May 18, 2009 at 14:50

    Cognizant of the power of imagery, I owned the moment and refused to back down.

    Christ, Andy, too bad Joseph Capa wasn’t there to capture it.

    I’m sure in his own imagination his lady companion went all squishy and like “Oh ANDY you are a true man!” and had great sex with him. Like undoubtedly didn’t happen.

  3. Pere Ubu said,

    May 18, 2009 at 14:51

    GODDAMNIT ROBERT CAPA FYWP AND FY MY OSSIFIED BRAIN

  4. Michael Jackson said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:04

    Cognizant of the power of imagery, I held my baby son over the 50-foot drop and waved him about in front of the cameras. I clearly had won.

  5. Ben said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:05

    Holy crap.

    “As soon as my finger was raised, a phalanx of photographers began snapping away at the white middle-aged man wearing a white LaCoste shirt next to the old red, white and blue. Cognizant of the power of imagery, I owned the moment and refused to back down.”

    These are possibly the two most hilarious sentences I’ve ever seen.

  6. aw said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:09

    The Frenchie T-shirt made him do it.

  7. Hysterical Woman said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:09

    Andy Breitbart must be pro-war, even when that war is a horrendous guerrilla war that uses child soldiers. Ares demands it.

  8. Hysterical Woman said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:10

    I wish he had gotten his photo in the papers. “Crazed man supports child slavery!”

  9. OTB said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:12

    Ha ha ha! good one, tintin. Did you coin “Going Mitty”? If so, it’s a keeper.

  10. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:12

    Michelle Malkin, the gauntlet has been thrown.

  11. Legalize said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:12

    Goddamn that’s gold.

  12. Meanderthal said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:13

    You know, I really, REALLY hate to say it, but I’m impressed that he wrote a piece owning up to his colossal fuck-up. I may loathe everything else he does, but that took some stones.

  13. kiki said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:14

    If you have to say “I clearly had won” on your blog, not only did you in all likelihood not win, but chances are your opponent wasn’t even aware you were playing.

  14. noen said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:14

    I’m sure the Malkin thing can match him. It hasn’t fed in awhile and must be hungry.

  15. Pere Ubu said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:15

    It would have been so much better if he had been wearing the blue Wal-Mart tarp he’s got on in the picture up top.

  16. javafascist said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:15

    At least he didn’t pull a Goldberg and explain how being completely wrong about what he did is central to his point.

    Still pretty funny. Hard to imagine why the GOP is having trouble attracting the <30 vote acting like this.

  17. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:16

    Life is kind of shitty
    When your husband’s going Mitty
    If he only had a brain…

  18. OTB said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:16

    >You know, I really, REALLY hate to say it, but I’m impressed that he wrote a piece owning up to his colossal fuck-up. I may loathe everything else he does, but that took some stones.

    I thought so too at first, but what’s missing? AN APOLOGY. He says he “messed up,” but that’s not enough. The guy doesn’t have the balls to say “I’m sorry,” he just whines that he “can’t sleep”—because HE’S the victim of the story, doncha know, he’s the EXACT SAME as those african children, he’s just trying to stop the inner torment caused to him by those liberals, however “inadvertently.”

  19. El Cid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:17

    But, it’s right there in their name — they’re fighting for the Lord. Otherwise they wouldn’t call themselves the Lord’s Resistance Army. Unlike the libruls, conservatives actually support the Lord rather than try to hippie deny him.

    And I suppose you libruls are opposed to letting your children possibly achieve eternal life with the Lord simply by spending a few easy years carrying a little gun or something.

  20. OTB said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:18

    Mrs. Breitbart so needs to start screwing other men.

  21. Meanderthal said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:19

    I thought so too at first, but what’s missing? AN APOLOGY. He says he “messed up,” but that’s not enough. The guy doesn’t have the balls to say “I’m sorry”…

    Eh, that’s a fair point. I guess I was just startled enough at the admission of error to really pursue anything more!

  22. Scott said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:21

    You know, I really, REALLY hate to say it, but I’m impressed that he wrote a piece owning up to his colossal fuck-up.

    Five’ll gitcha ten, Andy doesn’t think it was a fuck-up.

    He still triumphed eternally against the satanic hordes of communist Obama fag drones, got his picture taken, and went home with a truly glorious stiffy. And isn’t that what’s really important?

    The postscript about what he was really flipping off is just a bit of humorous trivia for him.

  23. Michael G said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:21

    You made that point very subtly. I would have had dancing mushrooms and a blinking 60pt red “self-p0wned” headline.

    Also, I think Andy is in favor of child slavery. Better that than being wrong, eh Andy?

  24. noen said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:28

    This is what the protest was about:

    “On Saturday, Invisible Children held an event in 100 cities called “The Rescue” in an effort to spread awareness about child soldiers.”

    Invisible Children ‘Rescue’ Demonstration Draws Celebrities In New York

    Yin Chang, who plays Nelly Yuki on “Gossip Girl,” also came out to show her support. She had heard about the cause through a fan letter that had been sent to her only two days earlier. “I went to InvisibleChildren.com and I watched the documentary … I cried, honestly, hands down. My sweater, the sleeves were soaked with my tears. We need to do something about this. How did I never hear this before?”

    Off to watch the documentary on the Invisible Children site. The phrase “epic asshatery” comes to mind but seems somehow inadequate.

  25. Stephen said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:28

    Also, I think Andy is in favor of child slavery.

    If he’s anything like the average wingnut, he probably has at least one “Slavery in the US wasn’t THAT bad” and/or “We were really doing black people a favor!” article in his archives.

  26. The Kenosha Kid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:30

    If all the wingnuts did such magnificent own-goals, we wouldn’t need Sadly No.

  27. Jason said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:31

    Three weeks of sleepless nights and he posts a link at the ass end of a pointless op/ed in the Times. Thy will be done!

    I wonder who’s threatening to go public with these explosive, unexpected photos of, uh, I think it’s like…Anthony? Anthony, uh, Mallcop. Arnold? Robert? Robert! Robert Breit-something. Who’s saying: I’m going to go public with these photos of him being…a dick? I think? Check the phone book. No! Google! Google “Robert Anthony Brightblart” – no? Shit. But that is definitely his middle finger. Right? Wait, Google “the Congo.” We need to cover our bases on this.

    Yeah, good thing he got out in front of this scandal by writing a column that is…uh…self-parody? I can’t tell the difference. By writing a column that is apolo-…uh, no not that either. By writing a column that is 0.001% different content than usual. OK! Also, the twist at the end, didn’t see that coming, Keyser Soze!, ha, good thing he signed up for direct deposit.

  28. Tom65 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:38

    He still doesn’t get it – even it had been a protest against the US military involvement in wherever, he’d still be a twatwaffle.

  29. noen said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:40

    These are posts on the Invisible Children site filed under “Los Angeles” but I don’t yet see any of an old white dude flipping them off. But then it’s not about him is it?

  30. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:44

    You mean there are children in other countries besides America? Wow. Learn something new every day.

    What a loser.

  31. Ted the Slacker said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:50

    I’m sure the Malkin thing can match him. It hasn’t fed in awhile and must be hungry.

    Today she’s going all righteous on Biden for revealing the already revealed location of the Veep bunker.

    Still not up there with Blartblart’s “power of imagery” masterstroke, but you know she’s working on another Godwin photo-op.

  32. a different mikey said,

    May 18, 2009 at 15:52

    I think you need to credit Just Alison when you use “tosspot”.

    Even when, as in this case, c’est le mot juste.

  33. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:02

    If he’d been fucking his wife in their swank hotel room instead of getting drunk on the balcony and having a cow over a peaceful demonstration he wouldn’t be in this fix.

  34. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:08

    If only we had a 24 hour cable news channel in this country, one that was balanced and fair, that would cover these kind of nationwide grass roots protests. Then Andrew would have had access to the information before hand. I wonder if there’s any hope of getting something like that.

  35. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:12

    In other words, fucking love means never having to say you’re sorry. Not that he did. Either one, I mean. The love-sex thing or the apology thing. Okay, bye.

  36. Alkali Bill said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:13

    As he gazed down on the encampment of 6,000 angry, battle-hardened Sioux warriors, Custer turned to O’Rourke and said “Sergeant, I own this moment.” The bugler struck up “Garry Owen…”

  37. Ken Lowery said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:14

    You know, I really, REALLY hate to say it, but I’m impressed that he wrote a piece owning up to his colossal fuck-up.

    I think they have a name for this… the soft bigotry of something-something? Because 1) the original post is flatulent with pride. Dude can’t stop lionizing himself sentence after sentence, especially with unverifiable claims about how he WOULD have done this or that, but… and 2) What, we’re supposed to be awed because he did what any decent person would do when shown that they were being a massive tool? And he can’t even do THAT right?

    Fuck him.

  38. Cargo said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:24

    If he was a real conservative he’d be in favor of child soldiers. those kids would just be sitting around playing Xbox otherwise!

  39. Cargo said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:25

    I bet in Africa when someone says “Hey, this 11 year old’s a little young to be carrying an AK” the conservatives there are like “SUPPORT THE TROOPS”

  40. Davis said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:27

    Even though he admits that he “messed up”, I have a feeling that he will do something this idiotic again. And again. And again.

  41. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:29

    Fun St. Trotsky family factoid for the anonymous Internet horde.

    No picture in our family albums that aren’t just landscape photos feature someone who is not flipping the bird at the camera.

    Even some of the landscape photos slip in one.

    I’m not saying this douche is family, God for-fucking-fend.

  42. Woodrowfan said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:33

    I bet if he had bothered to, you know, READ more of the protest signs, I bet he would have realized what the protest was about. There weren’t ANY signs that specified it was about African child soldiers???????????

  43. Mr. Wonderful said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:33

    A friend once couldn’t remember the set-up of a joke he wanted to tell us, but he did remember the punch line, and it was good enough to stand alone:

    “You’s ain’t confessin’. You’s BRAGGIN’.”

    Memo to Breitbart: What makes you think you’re not a “jerk” in all other things as well? How can you tell?

  44. LittlePig said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:40

    “I heard the flag flapping briskly in the wind…pocketa, pocketa, pocketa…and so unbound I leapt into action, flashing the digit imputicus to those barbarians and thus single-handedly saving Western Civilization as we know it…”

  45. joestork said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:45

    That. Is. comedy.

  46. El Cid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:45

    @ Little Pig: When he threw up the middle finger at the protesters, did he yell “THIS — IS —– SPARTA!!!”?

  47. mako rojo said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:46

    If the point of the article was to make things right, he wouldn’t have thrown in a link at the very end and spent the entire article describing his point of view. This is an argument for the defense. It serves to explain that the fault really lies with all those anti-war protests that were wrong headed and against the good wars like Viet Nam and Iraq. The sleepless night are only about what he may have done to his reputation or at least his ability to make a living what he does. Do you really suppose that the editorial staff at the Times published this as an apology or more likely as a cautionary tale for all of their readers who are similarly placed to Brietbart, ideology and lack of anger management-wise?

  48. Jennifer said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:49

    After reviewing the photographs I was taking for the event and confirming the facts (you were in Santa Monica at the date and time) I realized you were flipping the protesters off. I am curious to why this is the case.

    Obviously this photographer does not read Sadly, No!

    Or Big Hollywood Butthurt either, for that matter.

  49. Ken Lowery said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:49

    Memo to Breitbart: What makes you think you’re not a “jerk” in all other things as well?

    Of course he thinks he’s a jerk. He’d use the word, probably spice it up with a phrase like JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS or SAYING WHAT YOU’RE ALL THINKING, and other lazy stand-ins for “I’m a big stupid asshole and I’m proud of it.” He’s PROUD of being a shitheel.

  50. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:55

    I clearly had won and envisioned photos of the anti-antiwar protester making the front pages of the Los Angeles Times.

    Because nothing says “news” like an angry fat washed up white guy flipping the bird. That’ll sell papers.

  51. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:56

    Actually, for me, the news was that some woman puts up with his shit enough to have married him.

    Shotgun? It would be irresponsible not to speculate…

  52. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    May 18, 2009 at 16:58

    “As soon as my finger was raised, a phalanx of photographers

    He’s confusing “phalanx” with “one”, but he probably used it since it starts with the same letter as ….. PENIS!

  53. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:00

    Best account of fake wingnut outrage ever!

  54. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:00

    Mrs. Breitbart so needs to start screwing other men.

    When did she start screwing men?

  55. owlbear1 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:02

    He’s PROUD of being a shitheel.

    Natural talent and all that.

    Encapsulated Andy:
    “Safe on the second floor and hiding behind an American flag I made a rude gesture at people passing below. I am so brave!”

  56. a different mikey said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:08

    Shotgun? It would be irresponsible not to speculate…

    Maybe a buttered shotgun. You Tennesseans know what I’m talking about.

  57. That Girl said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:08

    On top of his epic humiliation, wasn’t he denying the protesters their free speech rights by disagreeing with them?

  58. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:10

    many in tandem holding large rope segments in groups of 20 or so

    So they were marching in tandem holding groups of 20 or so large rope segments. If they had been holding groups of 20 or so large tea bags it would have been ok I suppose.

  59. Ted the Slacker said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:10

    But when one dude raised his fist like runners Tommie Smith and John Carlos did at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, I could not hold myself back.

    Well indeed, there’s nothing like an uppity negro flashback to tip a fat-assed white moran over the edge.

  60. Marco said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:16

    “I thought: Even with a new president – and one who mostly shares their point of view – the I-love-a-protest-parade political left couldn’t help itself. It likes ruining nice sunny days.”

    Yes, damn you sunshine!!! Wait till George Soros completes his weather machine. Hollyweird assholes like Andy are in for it.

    Btw, anyone see him get verbally prison raped on Real Time with Bill Maher about a month ago? That was funny stuff.

  61. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:18

    He looks like Joe Cocker, only less so.

  62. Ken Lowery said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:21

    the I-love-a-protest-parade political left couldn’t help itself.

    I’m sure the teabagging thing was different, though.

  63. MzNicky, Tennessean said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:23

    a different mikey: Hey now! Watch that purty mouth o’ yours, boy.

  64. Stephen said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:25

    So they were marching in tandem holding groups of 20 or so large rope segments. If they had been holding groups of 20 or so large tea bags it would have been ok I suppose.

    Fukken ropesegmenters.

  65. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:29

    But when one dude raised his fist like runners Tommie Smith and John Carlos did at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, I could not hold myself back.

    Indeed. He was suddenly filled with the exact same outrage that engulfed him and his sort on that very day in 1968, except it was all totally the opposite.

  66. Djur said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:32

    Yes, the thing that struck me the most about his story is that it was the hint of black power that drove him to action.

    Also, his delusion that the LATimes would fellate a fat sack of crap like him for flipping off protesters of any kind.

  67. El Cid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:32

    Gee, if only there had been something else connected with the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City that might have prompted a person to anger, even angrier than athletes raising fists.

  68. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:36

    If there was a photographer, I am surprised the pic hasn’t turned up on the Intertrons as an example of how clueless Americans are…. you know, caption such as American bystander objects in a vulgar fashion to a protest against child soldiers

  69. Nylund said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:36

    The whole point is that he just saw the word “war” and took the default position of defending the goodness of this unspecified “war”.

    Whereas most Americans probably have an attitude that, “War is bad, but sometimes necessary.” This proves that Andrew’s position is, “War is usually really awesome, except when it makes me look like I’m in favor of child slavery.”

    I’m not too impressed by his admittance of that stance. Yes, he wrote about something that made him look like an asshat, but is that really anything new?

  70. kingubu said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:37

    Santa Monica? Funny how these Heroes of Rugged Frontier Individualism all seem to want to live and work behind the Poupon-drenched walls of the our Liberal fascist enclaves. “We want your culture and but we despise the people and ideas that make that culture possible.” i.e. cobags.

  71. Mr. Wonderful said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:42

    Oh, and: “I could not hold myself back”?

    He seems unaware of the fact (because he’s a jerk) that he would have been a jerk regardless of the nature of the march. He’s with his wife on a rare, long-deserved break, at a fancy place chosen for its atmosphere. He sees some people doing something he thinks is stupid–protesting conscription for a volunteer army.

    So he leaps up like a drunken frat boy and destroys his wife’s experience, to posture like the dumbest kind of jingoistic idiot. When what he should have done was to have said to his wife, “Can you believe those jerks? It’s a volunteer army” and gone back to his drinks and dip.

    His having mistaken the nature of the march is the least of it.

  72. ignatov said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:42

    Breitbart: “Protesting is what these people do. Sneering at their fellow citizens is their chief skill. Projecting arrogance is their birthright.”

    Ironic self-deprecation or bone-headed lack of self-awareness?

  73. ButAlsoAnd said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:46

    Andy only regrets flipping off a “good” protest – he’s not moved to question the rationale of act itself, nor the beliefs behind it, let alone how he could look at a protest and not notice what it was about.

    He’s simultaneously admitting and denying flaws, setting himself up as self-aggrandizing for a punchline in order to pre-empt self-reflection or ciriticism of the politics behind the foolishness.

    I think SadlyNo kind of let’s him get away with this by followingthe same structure Andy uses on himself. Deriding the intentional Mitty moment may invite the “you don’t get it, I’m mocking myself” when he’s only doing it out of self-protection.

    At least such non-confession confessions often indicate someone who knows something wrong, but has invested too much to identify what it is.

  74. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:47

    I applaud all of you that voluntarily read MORE of that guy’s whining.

  75. El Cid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:49

    kingubu has a point: Why is Bratblart living in sinful ultra-lefto-communist Santa Monica instead of Valdosta, GA, or Where ever, Oklahoma?

  76. Nylund said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:50

    Suppose for a second that the protest was indeed what Andrew thought it was.

    He is certain that he “owned” that moment, but a middle-aged white guy, cocktail in hand, eating at a fancy restaurant giving the finger to American youths actively engaging in democracy and voicing their opposition to a war started by lies is precisely the image that makes the GOP so unpopular with the younger generation.

    It absolutely screams, “Hey kids, I hope you die fighting in an unjust war I helped promote while I safely sip my cocktail at a fancy restaurant!”

  77. Joe Max said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:05

    You know, I really, REALLY hate to say it, but I’m impressed that he wrote a piece owning up to his colossal fuck-up. I may loathe everything else he does, but that took some stones.

    Bullshit. It was >90% about his “heroics” (meaning that if it HAD been an anti-Iraq or anti-Afghanistan march he would have been a HERO, not a insufferable ass) and <10% half-assed non-apology (in which the words “sorry” or “apologize” do not appear.) It was all about how BAD he feels now because of his fuck-up, not how bad he made the other people feel. IOW, it’s all about him, as usual.

  78. El Cid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:10

    He is certain that he “owned” that moment, but a middle-aged white guy, cocktail in hand, eating at a fancy restaurant giving the finger to American youths actively engaging in democracy and voicing their opposition to a war started by lies is precisely the image that makes the GOP so unpopular with the younger generation.

    I dunno. If I’d seen a bunch of douchetards on their way to a public teabagging, even if they were young people participating in democracy, with signs about Chairman Maobama and OBAMA = HITLER etc., I might have given them the finger.

    I can’t imagine writing it up as some “THIS! IS! SPARTA!” bravery moment, though; I’d probably do what everyone else did and just remark on what clueless pricks these people were.

  79. kingubu said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:12

    It was all about how BAD he feels now because of his fuck-up, not how bad he made the other people feel.

    Didn’t you hear? Empathy is the new genocide.

  80. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:12

    As I commented in the previous thread, this is particularly hilarious given the locale. Beachfront political actions in Santa Monica are as common as seagulls. There’s a reason we’re known as “The People’s Republic of Santa Monica.” In addition to displays of crosses honoring the dead troops, we also regularly see anti-tree-trimming protesters, Heal the Bay people, and campaigns to tax plastic shopping bags. Andy might as well get offended by the skateboarders, drum circles, or those silver-painted breakdancers.

    And the idea that protesters are targeting Shutters on the Beach as a bastion of power is also hilarious. They were probably wondering if Britney was on one of the balconies, and if she’d flash them.

  81. OneMan said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:16

    Empathy is theft!

    He should go Galt.

  82. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:19

    They were probably wondering if Britney was on one of the balconies, and if she’d flash them.

    In fairness, they saw Andy’s sagging tits and presumed he was Britney.

  83. Andy to the B Bart said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:19

    Well we all know liberals have so many causes in each of their protests so that when the good Mrs. and I take a stand against one of them, you devious tricksters just switch up the “real” cause of the protest to make us look like fools! Aaah, caught you again, stupid libs!

  84. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:23

    Andrew Breitbart is co-author of “Andrew Breitbart, My Life: the Case Against Celebrity.”

    Nah, I made that title up. Though it is, how they say in Italian, ben travato.

  85. christian h. said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:25

    Oh my. As somebody noted, does Andy know anything about Santa Monica?

  86. The Tragically Flip said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:29

    I guess it’s kind of admirable that he wrote this story admitting to being such an imbecile, unless of course he figured someone who witnessed this was going to write it anyway. He’s had a moment of introspection, will he learn anything from it?

    Also, man is this hysterical and well deserved.

  87. Cargo said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:31

    And yeah what is he doing in the People’s Republic of Santa Monica when the much more reliably rightwing Orange County is just a few miles south??

  88. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:32

    Does anyone else think this was pre-emptive defense should the story of brave brave sir buttblart get any exposure? As in, “shit – since I’m so important and all, this episode is sure to get massive liberal MSM coverage. I’ll head that off….somehow. Oh shit oh shit. What to do? WHAT TO DO? Oooh I know! Yeah, I’ll write a self-glorious column and something something something”

  89. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:33

    Tragically Flip, I owe you one.

  90. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:35

    And yeah what is he doing in the People’s Republic of Santa Monica …

    My guess is: hoping he can slip away from what’shernutzname to cruise under the pier for a while.

  91. Dan Someone said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:36

    I think that’s what’s called going Mitty.

    …fappeta-fapetta-fapetta-fapetta…

  92. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:39

    We did get about 500 teabaggers in Santa Monica; they hung around for about two hours by the Pier. Although the story said that the crowd came “from all over Southern California” – so you can see there’s not a lot of teabagging support in the city itself.

    Here’s a picture of them all

    Here’s another.

  93. cur said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:41

    “But when one dude raised his fist like runners Tommie Smith and John Carlos did at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, I could not hold myself back.

    Well indeed, there’s nothing like an uppity negro flashback to tip a fat-assed white moran over the edge. ”

    I’m with you. This was his tipping point? I remember him defending Limbaugh as not a racist on Maher’s show. Saying the worst thing you can do is call someone a racist with out proof. How does he define proof? I think he just showed us what is in his heart of hearts.

  94. t4toby said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:43

    Honestly, at least he owned up to it.

  95. Erik W. said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:45

    actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 17:18

    He looks like Joe Cocker, only less so.

    And thank God for that.

  96. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:46

    I…..envisioned photos of the anti-antiwar protester making the front pages of the Los Angeles Times.

    Right. Because someone flipping the bird is so rare in Los Angeles it’s front page news.

  97. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:51

    Andy seems quite familiar with trendy Santa Monica hotels:

    Greetings, from a poolside cabana at a trendy boutique hotel in Santa Monica

  98. cowalker said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:55

    SNL should bring back the Roseann Rosanna Danna skit concept but feature a new character: Andrew Drewhart Blart.

    “That car I keyed thinking that it belonged to Michael Moore really belongs to Rush Limbaugh? Never mind.”

    “That woman I sucker-punched thinking it was Cindy Sheehan was really Debbie Schlussel? Never mind.”

    “That dog I kicked thinking it belonged to Martin Sheen really belongs to Mel Gibson? Never mind.”

  99. cur said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:56

    Shorter Breitbart

    I’ll walk right out into a brand new day
    Insane and rising in my own weird way
    I don’t want to be the bad guy

  100. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    May 18, 2009 at 18:58

    Right. Because someone flipping the bird is so rare in Los Angeles it’s front page news.

    He was hoping the photographer would mistake him for Nick Nolte – not at all a stretch – and he could laugh at those “stupid libs” for thinking that.

  101. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:02

    cowalker: That would be Emily Litella, if you please.

  102. cowalker said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:02

    By the way, was the picture of Breitbart taken after he participated at his coven’s Beltane Sabbat?

  103. cowalker said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:04

    at 19:02 MzNicky said,

    cowalker: That would be Emily Litella, if you please

    Oops, you’re right. That’s completely different.

  104. a different mikey said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:13

    MzNicky: My band played a gig in Jackson and all anyone was talking about was a minister’s divorce trial in which his wife was testifying to the loathsome things he made her do, one of which, the one everyone was talking about, involved a buttered up shot gun. Unfortunately for the reputation of the Volunteer state this is all my band remembers from that gig. That and the cue which was peerless.

  105. Lesley said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:18

    Could the Andrew Breitbart who said: the I-love-a-protest-parade political left couldn’t help itself. It likes ruining nice sunny days. Protesting is what these people do. Sneering at their fellow citizens is their chief skill. Projecting arrogance is their birthright.

    be this Andrew Breitbart?

    The Pasadena Tea Party Patriots are thrilled to announce that conservative thinker Larry Greenfield will join Evan Sayet, Victoria Jackson and Andrew Breitbart to speak at our May Day rally.

  106. PopeRatzo said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:18

    Can you believe that Breitbart is trumpeting his column, which ends with a weak apology in the very last sentence, as a triumphant example of why conservatives are superior to liberals.

    He has zero regret for acting like a horse’s ass, and wants kudos for his backhanded apology. What a pompous jerk.

    Thanks for the photo, though. It’s really important to see these peoples’ faces. It doesn’t have to be a funny or embarrassing photo either. Everything these people stand for and believe is writ large on their faces. I noticed that fact again this weekend, when I saw some official portrait of Dick Cheney. Every bit of his moral corruption, sadism, arrogance and megalomania is right there (mostly in the eyes and mouth).

    I’ll go so far as to suggest you can tell a wingnut just from looking at his face. Think of these people: Michael Medved, Dennis Prager, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity. One look at a picture of any of those people tells their whole story.

  107. The Goddamn Batman Would Like To Liberate Breitbart From His Middle Fingers said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:20

    The “Shorter” in this case would be something like “Damnit, if only they’d really been protesting the needless deaths of young adults, I so totally would have ruled.” And Andy’s really, really lucky that there were photogs on the scene, otherwise Mrs. Andy might have “accidentally” bumped him off the balcony. Whoopsie! Now where’s that insurance policy info?

  108. That Girl said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:25

    I initially looked at this post on my smartphone and didn’t get the full impact of Breitbart-in-Snuggie in that picture. Like others, I am having a hard time understanding how anyone could marry… that. Perhaps she also looks like Christopher Lloyd?

  109. cur said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:27

    or shorter

    Me me me me them, oops, me me me me, so you could see how I was confused, me me me me.

  110. J.D. Rhoades said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:36

    Another case of a frontal lobe overcome by the Spasmodic Wingnut Outrage Refelx.

  111. a different mikey said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:38

    Me me me me them, oops, me me me me, so you could see how I was confused, me me me me.

    You know, if you just backsweetened that with a ‘central to my point’ it might be the best distillation ever of wingtard blogs.

  112. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:40

    a different mikey: Hmmm. Sounds like your typical Tennessee-preacher-divorce story to me.

    And oh yeah, west Tenn.’s got the best bbq in the whole goddam world. I don’t believe there is any serious question about that undeniable fact.

  113. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:43

    I can just see the photo in my mind’s eye: red-faced, white-shirted, blue-balled. And look, there’s a flag, too!

  114. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:44

    By the way: What on earth is he wearing in that photo? Some sort of Blue Man cult /Trappist monk getup, or what?

  115. cur said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:44

    OK

    Me me me me them, oops, me me me me, so you could see how I was confused, which is central to MY point, me me me me.

  116. Righteous Bubba said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:49

    http://images.google.com/images?q=snuggie&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi

  117. Lesley said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:49

    By the way: What on earth is he wearing in that photo? Some sort of Blue Man cult /Trappist monk getup, or what?

    The slanket is designed for human couch potatoes

  118. OTB said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:51

    Mrs. Breitbart so needs to start screwing other men.

    When did she start screwing men?

    So true!

  119. Joe Max said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:53

    By the way, was the picture of Breitbart taken after he participated at his coven’s Beltane Sabbat?

    As a person of Pagan sensibilities, the mental image of Breitbart participating in the *ahem* traditional rites of fertility associated with Beltaine makes me want to gouge out my cerebral cortex with a rusty ice cream scoop.

  120. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:56

    Oh, a slanket. Okay.

    Well then: Good lord, why is that guy wandering around what appears to be a Las Vegas bar wearing a slanket? What, some wingnut slumber party or sleeping-baggers event or something?

  121. cur said,

    May 18, 2009 at 19:59

    When I was a kid, when you got a snuggie you would be hanging on the doorknob by your underwear, not drinking in a bar.

    Maybe things have changed for the better.

  122. Righteous Bubba said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:00

    Oh, a slanket. Okay.

    Your search for meaning should continue with Snuggie.

  123. Tintin said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:05

    It’s a pic from a “Snuggie Pub Crawl” in LA earlier in the year. Breitbart apparently never passes up an opportunity to have a drink. If there were an H1N1 pub crawl, he’d be all over it.

  124. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:08

    As a person of Pagan sensibilities

    You don’t have to be Pagan to be revolted by that thought.

    And in Breitblart’s case, “skanket” would be more appropriate.

  125. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:09

    RB: Oh good god.

    “The Snuggie Cult”? Someone please just kill me. Not really.

    Also: Grover Norquist, “political celebrity”? I just vomited on my keyboard a little.

  126. Lesley said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:09

    Oh the wingnuts…
    http://www.stopobamanotredame.com

    will they ever learn to spell?

  127. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:11

    Joe the Plumber likes his Snuggie, too.

  128. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:11

    Breitbart apparently never passes up an opportunity to have a drink.

    You say that as if it’s a BAD thing, Tintin.

  129. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:11

    Although he does seem to be drinking a Stell Artois in that picture.

  130. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:11

    Breitbart apparently never passes up an opportunity to have a drink.

    So, not completely insane, then.

  131. MzNicky said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:12

    Joe the Plumber likes his Snuggie, too.

    g: Okay, now that’s just flat-out mean.

  132. Agi said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:12

    The power of the middle finger is not to be mis-underestimated.

    Go Galt!!!

  133. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:13

    DAMN ZOMBIES! You’d think they’d be slower, what with all the shambling.

  134. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:14

    MISSION (mostly) ACCOMPLISHED!! Unfortunatly [sic], Mr. Obama still spoke, but the whole world heard our message.

    Hilarious!!!

  135. That Girl said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:14

    RB, thanks for the Slanket/Snuggie link. The slideshow of the conservatives (all 5) wearing Slankets is hilarious.

    Also, why do all conservative “celebrities” (save for not-Joe the not-Plumber) look alike — doughy, ghostly pale, with face mullets and unflattering clothing (including the women)? Oh wait, I think I just answered my own question.

  136. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:22

    #

    tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:13 (kill)

    DAMN ZOMBIES! You’d think they’d be slower, what with all the shambling.

    Haven’t you ever wondered how we catch all those people in the movies?

    That’s how.

  137. jim said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:23

    The title lacks one word: Off.

    Honestly, at least he owned up to it.

    Only because it gave him an excuse to show what an Awesome Upstanding Citizen he is for doing so. He’s not inviting criticism for being such a total Ignint McNugget war-pig, he’s inviting applause for his “honesty” – & it reeks. He’s too morally necrotic to comprehend that if those people HAD been protesting against Operation Enduring Holocaust, he would’ve owed them his gratitude & not his finger.

    “Dead Central African child-soldiers? OMG, pity me, now I feel just ICKY. Dead Iraqi civilians? STFU, you stupid hippy – they must’ve hated us for our freedoms!”

    Trust a fucking wingnut to turn even one of his ugliest smeg-ups into another shiny trophy honoring his abundance of courage & ethical purity.

    Even with a new president – and one who mostly shares their point of view – the I-love-a-protest-parade political left couldn’t help itself. It likes ruining nice sunny days. Protesting is what these people do. Sneering at their fellow citizens is their chief skill. Projecting arrogance is their birthright.

    Because the first thing ANYONE wants to do on a nice sunny day is get sore feet risking being the recipient of anything from a loogie to a baseball-bat, in the arrogant sneering effort to get others to give a fuck about something worth marching for.

    Dude jacks himself off over how he stood beside Old Glory & bravely pwned those scuzzy lefties (with scarcely a word about how he ruined a dinner-date with his wife in the process) – then goes back for Sloppy Seconds by patting himself on the back for realizing he screwed the pooch … & he’s too busy being all emo over his loss of desperately-needed beauty-sleep to throw in even a week apology.

    Smells like “Own Goal 2: The Wankening” to me.

  138. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:39

    He’s not inviting criticism for being such a total Ignint McNugget war-pig, he’s inviting applause for his “honesty” – & it reeks.

    It all smacks of the two year old boy who takes his mommy by the hand, leads her around to the underside of the stairs and points to the fresh dump he took there, saying “Lookit! Lookit what I did!”

  139. Batocchio said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:41

    Remember, according to Breitbart, he used to be a very liberal Democrat. But those damned kids chased him off that lawn.

  140. laym said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:43

    Alternate photo caption:

    A Los Angeles man enjoys a complimentary glass of apple juice at the grand opening of a SuperCuts franchise.

    I see that I am a couple of dozen comments too late for this joke. Which is central to my point.

  141. noen said,

    May 18, 2009 at 20:51

    MzNicky said,

    Oh, a slanket. Okay.

    Well then: Good lord, why is that guy wandering around what appears to be a Las Vegas bar wearing a slanket? What, some wingnut slumber party or sleeping-baggers event or something?

    No, Vittner, think Vittner. What else do you think Conservative Movement means? The fetish only starts with adult diapers and “Baby did a no-no.”

  142. M. Bouffant said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:08

    Jeezis H. on toast, people, read the fucking post!!! Butthurt & the Mrs. were at this shithole not for dinner or a wknd. get-away; but for the $5.00 drinks & free bar-food. (They are losers, in other words.)

    Then read Blart’s actual column:

    The marchers’ defiant smugness started to make an enemy of me.

    What a sensitive fellow. Can’t be bothered to read the signs (do any research) but he can pick up on “defiant smugness” a block away. Must have some experience w/ that, huh?

    These anti-warriors were trying to destroy the peaceful seaside vibe and our pleasant Jose Cuervo buzz.

    And the tea-baggers are trying to destroy America’s peaceful post-Bush vibe & our pleasant Obama buzz. I’ve got a finger for them.

  143. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:11

    Can’t be bothered to read the signs (do any research) but he can pick up on “defiant smugness” a block away

    It’s just a minor adjustment on the gaydar. Sort of how like the Enterprise can rewire the deflector grid to send out a tachyon pulse.

  144. El Cid said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:13

    Maybe he thought the protests had to do with the Lourdes Resistance Army, and he was offended that anyone would aim to deny the suffering these miraculous healing waters.

  145. M. Bouffant said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:16

    Extra bonus:

    Listen to a fucking robot reading Buttbart’s pile of poo.

    Note interesting pronounciations.

  146. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:22

    Listen to a fucking robot reading Buttbart’s pile of poo.

    The Middle Eastern carpet cleaning service commercial was just piling on!

  147. Andrew B. Magoo said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:39

    Oh, Magoo!

    You’ve done it again!

  148. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:40

    Compare and contrast TinTin’s post with Jersey Jim Wolcott of Vanity Fair

  149. explanations4free said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:42

    Here is Gavin explaining what it means to be a liberal:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGU8f4DYorY

  150. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:43

    Breitblart’s like Don Quixote with the charm. Yeah, he just put his lance through the “giant”, only it’s not a windmill, but a pile of puppies.

    I clearly had won and envisioned photos of the anti-antiwar protester making the front pages of the Los Angeles Times.

    More like Flickr, with the caption “Drunk old douchebag in favor of child slavery”.

  151. N.C. said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:44

    This is what it means to be a liberal:

    PENIS

  152. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:50

    Breitblart’s like Don Quixote without the charm.

  153. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:52

    PENIS. That is all.

  154. Matt T. said,

    May 18, 2009 at 21:55

    And oh yeah, west Tenn.’s got the best bbq in the whole goddam world. I don’t believe there is any serious question about that undeniable fact.

    As long as The Rendevous stays open, anyway. Otherwise, yeah, no doubt.

  155. Athenawise said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:02

    ” As soon as my finger was raised, a phalanx of photographers began snapping away at the white middle-aged man with man breasts and wearing a white LaCoste shirt next to the old red, white and blue.”

    Fixed it.

  156. Realist said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:08

    It’s a voluntary army, you stupid kids!

    Well, yes – it is a voluntary army. It’s also pretty much the only “job” that’s always hiring, particularly these days.

  157. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:09

    As soon as my finger was raised, a phalanx of photographers
    Or alternatively — “As soon as my phalanx was raised, a finger of photographers”.

    many in tandem holding large rope segments

    I used to think that ‘tandem’ meant ‘two at a time’ on account of tandem bicycles. Sadly, no.

  158. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:14

    I thought it was me after a day at the beach.

  159. M. Bouffant said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:18

    Right Wing News compares & contrasts Buttbarf & MoDo.

    Guess which non-apologizer is crowned the victor?

    Andrew Breitbart fessed up in a way only someone in New Media fesses up: fully, completely, and on the editorial page of a rather progressive Old Media paper, the Washington Times.

    How many things are wrong in that sentence?

  160. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:19

    It still feels wrong to read sentences like “The red and green-pigment genes are arranged in a head-to-tail tandem array”. I keep imagining the genes riding around on a bike.

  161. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:20

    X needs Y like genes need a tandem.

  162. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:23

    “The red and green-pigment genes are arranged in a head-to-tail tandem array”. I keep imagining the genes riding around on a bike.

    Really? Cuz I see a daisy-chain thing after a few blotters of acid…

  163. Realist said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:25

    I was impressed by the “owning up to it” aspect at first. But after thinking about it, I’m not so sure. He knew he was busted when he got the e-mail, and probably decided to get the story out there on his terms before he started reading the illustrated version of his assholery on the Huffington Post or Salon.

    My favorite line was this:

    With my wife pretending not to be embarrassed, we went back to enjoying our midday excursion.

    I’ll bet she’s pretty good at pretending not to be embarrassed by now. They’ve been married for a while, haven’t they?

  164. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:28

    All this talk of a tandem makes me think of John Boehner, the orangerR.

  165. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:30

    They’ve been married She’s been his beard for a while…?

    Fixed!

  166. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:31

    Also, does that photo reveal a miasmic cloud obscuring Buttblart’s face? Kinda like Schultz’s Pigpen.

  167. Peanutcat said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:34

    Well, at least he admits he’s a jerk . . . . .

  168. M. Bouffant said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:35

    Speaking of his “beard,” when I was homeless in Santa Monica I was able to obtain absolutely free razors. What’s his fucking excuse?

    I’m very tempted to track his sorry ass down, dry-shave him & put a neck-tie around that pencil-neck of his. Betcha Mrs. Douchebart would appreciate that.

  169. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:35

    Interesting.

    I was reading up on Breitbart…yea, but I’m in a masochistic mode today….and found this little tidbit from a New York Observer article:

    Mr. Breitbart grew up in Los Angeles. His father owned a restaurant, mom was a bank executive. At Brentwood High School he watched administration types socialize with certain parents in the entertainment industry. He got C’s, played baseball, was a class clown, but hung out with the smart kids. He always suspected that school had been against him, a conspiracy theory that was eventually confirmed by a friend’s mom who confessed to him that the principal had called her into his office to turn her against the young Breitbart. This, he says, was the beginning of a lifelong crusade against bullies.

    So first it was high school, then Hollywood, and now a march of people against child slavery.

    Y’know, Andrew, when you’re marching to the beat of a different drummer and you believe that the rest of the drummers are out of rhythm….guess what?

    FAIL!

  170. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:37

    Link to the Observer article.

    Very straightforwardly, very matter-of-factly, it’s one of the cleanest hit jobs I’ve ever seen written, with some of the most insightful psychological analysis I could imagine. You get a sense of how this loser ended up being a loser, with his own words.

  171. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:45

    PENIS

  172. Knights in White Satin said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:48

    You know, the last time I gave someone the finger ,I was in my car at a gas station and I backed into a gas pump, knocking it half-way over and creating quite a ruckus….ha! guess I showed them! Or something.

  173. Rusty Shackleford said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:48

    So when does he apologize for Big Failywood?

  174. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:52

    You mean words like these?
    And she was obviously a liberal, and you could tell that she was there as a member of the Creative Coalition and that she was indulging in an anthropological experiment. Like who are these freaks? Who are these crazy people?

    It’s like a scene from ‘Scanners’.

  175. PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:53

    “Fish found in boy’s penis”

    I like that – is it a “Man bites Dog” story? You know, it’s not “Boy’s penis found in fish” just isn’t news.

  176. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:54

    You mean words like these?

    Yes, exactly. That whole scene about Wendy Malick was one that I read and said “Does he understand Aesop and the fox and grapes fable?”

  177. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:58

    “Fish found in boy’s penis”

    I like that – is it a “Man bites Dog” story?

    He was just returning the favor.

  178. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:04

    I find it amazing that a man who said:

    But they’re the most reactionary people in the world – I’m telling you if I were single, I’m so cynical and I’m like the typical guy, if any of them were just lying there like the Maggie Gyllenhaals of the world, I wouldn’t. I’m like, ‘No!’ It would almost disgust me, because they couldn’t be more uninteresting if they tried.

    Could have the temerity to say,

    And I gotta be honest with you there’s more intellectual vigor in the conservative movement right now. There are more idea makers, there are more Bobby Jindals out there that are saying ‘You know, let’s try and find a new way.’ There are more Dennis Millers, more Christopher Hitchenses who are coming to this side going, ‘Huh.’

    And what’s up with four mentions of Maggie Gyllenhaal in a three-piece article? I hope she obtains an order of protection.

  179. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:04

    “Boy’s penis found in fish” just isn’t news.

    Salmon chanted evening…

  180. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:05

    B^4, that might be precisely WHY he mentioned her four different times…

  181. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:05

    Salmon chanted evening…

    Betta not give up your day chub.

  182. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:09

    Back to the Observer article:

    A movie could have a direct message with Maggie Gyllenhaal and the Gyllenhaal triumvirate of hate that says that America is horrible, and yet that message is overwhelmed by the proliferation of excess on the screen.

    Andrew Blartblart declares war on “Axis of Gyllenhaal”.

  183. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:09

    You get a sense of how this loser ended up being a loser, with his own words.

    Actually, I couldn’t get much sense at all from his words. He’s a verbal grab bag; throw everything in, joggle it around, and pull phrases randomly from the jumble.

  184. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:11

    He’s a verbal grab bag; throw everything in, joggle it around, and pull phrases randomly from the jumble.

    It’s probably the coke doin’ the talking.

  185. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:11

    Fish take it up the tailpike.
    I can understand and sympathise with Breitbart’s word-salad tendencies, what with other people projecting their thoughts and emotions into his head all the time.

  186. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:15

    A movie could have a direct message with Maggie Gyllenhaal and the Gyllenhaal triumvirate of hate that says that America is horrible, and yet that message is overwhelmed by the proliferation of excess on the screen.

    Again, another inadvertent admission of Breitbart’s inner child.

    “They have four kinds of orange juice” will certainly make the Messicans run to El Norte, where they’ll be greeted by Breitbart with a rake and a pair of gardening gloves.

  187. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:15

    Fish take it up the tailpike.

    There’s a joke in here. Give me a minute. Let me mullet.

  188. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:16

    what with other people projecting their thoughts and emotions into his head all the time.

    And always so uninterestingly! It’s very uninteresting for him, and he couldn’t be less interested if he tried.

  189. Another kiwi said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:18

    If he’d been fucking his wife in their swank hotel room instead of getting drunk on the balcony and having a cow over a peaceful demonstration he wouldn’t be in this fix.
    As my mother used to say to me.

    Nice one MzNicky

  190. alec said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:18

    Speaking of his “beard,” when I was homeless in Santa Monica I was able to obtain absolutely free razors. What’s his fucking excuse?

    Women and boys go smooth-faced, and I am neither. Nor is the poor frightened javelina you people have been abusing. Just because someone puts him in a toga and pretends to write a blog about what he would think if he was able to understand film (you know, like people doing websites for their cats?) doesn’t mean it’s not animal cruelty.

  191. comsympinko said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:20

    Oh, I got this one.

    Ahem.

    Shorter:

    I wuz so right those goddamn dirty mother fucking hippies interrupting my afternoon beachside drink and raising their fists all black powerish would have been the most unforgiveable thing EVAH if they had been like protesting teh us army Iraq genocide except they weren’t they were like protesting a whole nother genocide done by black folks in Africa one man’s genocide is another man’s freedom party oops my bad here’s the link to try and stop the bad genocide kthxbai.

  192. kingubu said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:21

    According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home.

    That shit happens to me all the time…

  193. alec said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:24

    Also, I don’t see why these big-government spendocrats think they have the right to demand that big government interfere with the sanctity of contract between teenagers and their warlord abductors. How are we going to get the best work out of our political leaders if they can’t count on getting an appropriate retinue of child-slaves as a reward? Simple economics, people.

  194. tigrismus said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:27

    Fish puns are like poisson to me, they make me quite eel. Greenling about the gills, even. So stop or incur my wrasse.

    Anyway, the boy probably thought it was a damselfish or señorita. If he’s underage, though, it might turn out to be a convict tang.

  195. alec said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:30

    Any more fish puns and I’m fucking serious:

    1) Your genitalia
    2) A giant clam
    3) ???
    4) Profit.

  196. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:34

    Hey, cod all you fish-punners just shad up?

  197. Rusty Shackleford said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:36

    Agree with B4. Had it up to the bream with this crappie.

  198. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:38

    Actually, fish-penis boy must’ve been watching the same pornos I saw last night.

  199. Knights in White Satin said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:42

    Well I just read the NY Observer article, and, Holy Quack! It’s hard to tell who is the stupider, the writer or the interviewee.

  200. Till said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:52

    There are more…Christopher Hitchenses who are coming to this side

    Ah of course, another rambling alcoholic slob. Breitbart and Hitchens are the way forward! The New Republican Party: Your Crazy, Racist Uncle.

  201. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:57

    The cockabully is a familiar sight in New Zealand rock pools.
    So it’s not just the Australians.

  202. g said,

    May 18, 2009 at 23:59

    At Brentwood High School he watched administration types socialize with certain parents in the entertainment industry.

    There is no Brentwood High School in L.A.

    Unless he’s talking about The Brentwood School, which is a private K-12 school. Annual tuition for high school grades is $28,000. So much for his anti-elitist pose.

  203. N.C. said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:00

    Hitchens is an odd bird. Guys like Breitbart love to claim him whenever he says something mean about Islam, then turn around and lump him in with The Left when he starts talking about his atheism.

  204. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:08

    There is no Brentwood High School in L.A.

    Unless he’s talking about The Brentwood School, which is a private K-12 school. Annual tuition for high school grades is $28,000. So much for his anti-elitist pose.

    Well, the market was still there for people with bank-exec parents who society would otherwise have forced integration on.

    I also like the insane presumption behind deciding that C-average grades at a prestigious private school represent some kind of massive conspiracy against you. I’m not really one to talk, because my grades were worse at a worse school and lacking the pedigree to appear in movies about how Michael Moore is fat or American comedic institution Red Eye, I can only offer up high standardized test scores as proof that I’m smarter than the record makes me look. But seriously, for fuck’s sake, I’m twenty-two and all I can remember about my right-wing stick-in-the-mud principal is that he was a giant Star Wars nerd. What the hell kind of human being carries that shit into their 40s?

  205. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:11

    Wow. I read the whole Observer article. His total Mission Statement seems to be “I hate these people.” Dripping with envy.

  206. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:15

    The cockabully is a familiar sight in New Zealand rock pools.
    So it’s not just the Australians.

    The Peckerwrecker is a familiar sight in Andrew Blartblart’s gene pool. (The name is possibly a corruption of the M?ori word pekareka, for that which destroys penes)

  207. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:16

    What the hell kind of human being carries that shit into their 40s?

    The Professional Victim Class, AKA repigs.

  208. Serendipity Dentistry said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:20

    Are the trolls bored?

  209. Evildoer Fist Jab said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:30

    Yet another nym change. And with it, I clearly had won and imagined throngs of Republicans banging their keyboards at the sight of my glorious cleverness.

  210. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:30

    Are the trolls bored?

    It’s half-price wing day at Chez Hootere.

  211. maryc said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:36

    God. All I gotta say is, Blartbart just ruined Shutters for me now.
    Dammit. I liked going there for cocktails on that balcony, too.

  212. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:37

    The name is possibly a corruption of the M?ori word pekareka, for that which destroys penes sweet bat.
    Prove me wrong.

    a day when politics isn’t on the menu
    At last I realise that in the conservative-movement lexicon, “on the menu” impies that “you have to eat it”, and the selection for endomorphy finally makes sense.

  213. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:41

    Blartbart just ruined Shutters for me now.

    Nah. Don’t stop. Continue to go and point and laugh if you see him. I think it’s funny he doesn’t even “get” the community.

    It’s probably Breitbart who won’t go back to Shutters, anyway – even the valets will start laughing when he pulls into the drive.

  214. post partisan said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:43

    What? A lower-upper-middle-middle class white doofus makes an ass of himself in Santa Monica? Yeah, the press will have a field day with this one.

    That said, Breity is going to be laughing all the way to the bank when he gets his big payoff cheque to never ever mention wearing Lacoste again. Reverse product placement blackmail schemes are the wave of the future.

  215. chimpevil said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:45

    It’s like a dream within a dream within a stupid neverending dream, ain’t it?

  216. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:46

    Blartbart just ruined Shutters for me now.

    Nah. Don’t stop. Continue to go and point and laugh if you see him. I think it’s funny he doesn’t even “get” the community.

    Yeah, don’t stop. I hear they serve large portions of snotchos to certain customers.

  217. chimpevil said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:55

    My favorite line was this:

    With my wife pretending not to be embarrassed, we went back to enjoying our midday excursion.

    I’ll bet she’s pretty good at pretending not to be embarrassed by now. They’ve been married for a while, haven’t they?

    She gotta drink like constantly.

  218. tigrismus said,

    May 19, 2009 at 0:56

    Mary, how can you resist going every night until you see him, at which point you can yell, “hey, it’s the guy who flipped off the kids marching against child slavery!”

  219. chimpevil said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:02

    PeeJ said,

    May 18, 2009 at 22:53

    “Fish found in boy’s penis”

    I like that – is it a “Man bites Dog” story? You know, it’s not “Boy’s penis found in fish” just isn’t news.

    Man, you’re obsessed with penises. I think I like you–wait are we married???

  220. Till said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:06

    Mr. Broadbeard sez:

    Shutters is a pricey joint

    Yelpers seem to agree, placing it in the highest possible price range. But the menu online puts a lunch entree at about $23, which is a fair few bucks more than I’d usually aim for, but jeez, it’s not Per Se.

  221. Lesley said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:06

    Gawker has an unflattering photo of the Bart. Unfortunately it’s not of him flipping the bird at the protesters. Where are those photos? Did he pay off the paparazzi?

  222. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:10

    Shutters is a hotel, so expect decent, but not exciting, hotel food. At hotel prices.

    Their happy hour isn’t bad, though – all the places in the area are strongly competing for Happy Hour trade right now. They have a $5 drinks and bar food menu that’s not bad. It’s not on BartBlarts terrace, though, it’s downstairs right on the beach walk. The view is fantastic.

  223. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:12

    It’s like a dream within a dream within a stupid neverending dream, ain’t it?
    It’s not like someone forced you to smoke those dried leeches with the double mezcal for a night-cap.

  224. Evildoer Fist Jab said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:19

    Did he pay off the paparazzi?

    Sources say he’s trying to pay the photojournalists to actually publish them, but all have refused. His best bet is to buy online publishing rights and put them on his own site. After which a shotgun will be summarily PhotoShopped into his hand and a furry mustache over his lip a la Saddam Hussein.

  225. M. Bouffant said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:29

    Good line from Lesley’s link:

    It eats away at his soul, the fact that Matt Damon is a Democrat!

    Is A. B. that shallow? You fucking bet!!

  226. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:31

    It’s probably Breitbart who won’t go back to Shutters, anyway – even the valets will start laughing when he pulls into the drive.

    Barfbucket’s next foray there will probably be an unintentional investigation into the burgeoning snotchos food craze.

  227. a different mikey said,

    May 19, 2009 at 1:48

    Having bar-crawled through 48 states, when a Californian sez:

    They have a $5 drinks and bar food menu that’s not bad

    The snax are pretty good. And when it’s g I believe it.

  228. M. Bouffant said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:05

    I still can’t believe there are $5 (well drinks, even) drinks anywhere w/in, say, seven miles of the beach, though I generally trust “g.” I’m neither an early drinker or an early riser, so there may be lunch specials at low, low bargain rates of which I am sadly ignorant.

    Best single line from the NY Obsv. article (putrid subject, terribly written, not even copy edited):

    “This is a typical leftist construct: Al Gore. Global warming. The debate’s over.”

    Has any one heard this as a rightist construct before, w/ the possible additions of “fat” & “no?”

    GAAAAHHH!!

  229. Righteous Bubba said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:09

    I generally trust “g.”

    What I wonder is what we’ve done to alienate the other 25 letters.

  230. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:13

    You’d think that after they saw what happened to Ð and Þ, they’d have the sense to show a bit more loyalty.

  231. Candy said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:14

    It’s probably Breitbart who won’t go back to Shutters, anyway – even the valets will start laughing when he pulls into the drive.

    I hope he doesn’t bring his poor wife the next time he goes to Shutters for the snotchos platter. She seems like she’s suffered enough. Maybe someone should do an intervention, tell her that there are people out there who can help her. No one should have to live like that.

  232. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:15

    What I wonder is what we’ve done to alienate the other 25 letters.

    We’ve allowed them to be used by Andrew Blartblart.

  233. tigrismus said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:16

    What happened to eth is still a thorn in Smut’s side.

  234. Ȝ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:17

    I went yogh.

  235. kingubu said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:17

    I betcha Teh Editors’ got their kids a new thread today.

  236. Candy said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:20

    I don’t care what you call that thing he’s wearing, but he looks like he’s just risen to High Priest of the Blue Tarp Druids. That’s probably the blood of a some sweet little forest creature in that glass.

    What I wonder is what we’ve done to alienate the other 25 letters.

    I have a friend named Z and I generally trust her, but those other fuckin’ letters will stab you in the back every chance they get. They hate us for our freedoms.

  237. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:22

    I don’t know why everybody is picking on Buttblat Breitbart. He’s an American hero. He thunders. I’m a middle-aged pile of shit much like him, except I wear no-logo generic polo shirts, and also too, as well, if I accidentally insult people that have been cruelly aggrieved, I don’t go around telling everybody about it.

    This pissflap wants so badly to be Christopher Hitchens. Which makes it all the more tragic he can’t hit the mark — An unripe mango could be like Hitchens, if you soaked it in vodka for three days.

  238. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:23

    oh, and interrobang!

  239. HumboldtBlue said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:24

    I have a friend named Z and I generally trust her, but those other fuckin’ letters will stab you in the back every chance they get. They hate us for our freedoms.

    And out literary license.

  240. PeeJ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:25

    What happened to eth is still a thorn in Smut’s side.

    I can understand that. Fricatives rub me the wrong way as well.

  241. Candy said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:28

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and stick up for Hitchens. He doesn’t ramble when he’s taking on some dumbass godbot. He’s very funny and skewers the bastards. I loathe his politics but the man’s smart and witty.

    Of course, it’s true that taking on the godbotherers isn’t that much of a challenge. An unripe mango could probably handle them with one slimy vodka-soaked hand tied behind its little back.

    As someone said upthread, never mind.

  242. Arky Schadenfreude said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:30

    Up the down failelator.

    Cognizant of the power of imagery, I owned the moment and refused to back down.”

    Vogue, vogue/Let your body move to the music.

  243. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:31

    It’s a Happy Hour War on the beach, I’m telling you! The hotels are desperate, room sales are way off.

  244. tigrismus said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:32

    And out literary license.

    “T!” *shakes fist*

    I can understand that. Fricatives rub me the wrong way as well.

    *Linguolabial trill*

  245. Pere Ubu said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:38

    This pissflap wants so badly to be Christopher Hitchens.

    He should maybe start drinking more. Naw, come to think of it, he should anyway. Not like it’s going to harm his personality , after all.

    *Linguolabial trill*

    Remember – linguists do it cunningly!

  246. kingubu said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:39

    Linguolabial trill

    Wait, is that another fish pun?

  247. Pere Ubu said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:39

    You know what Andrew Wetfart looks like in that picture?

    I just realized it – he looks like one of the sleazy Elders from Zardoz. Meditate on this at Sixth Level.

  248. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:39

    This pissflap wants so badly to be Christopher Hitchens. Which makes it all the more tragic he can’t hit the mark — An unripe mango could be like Hitchens, if you soaked it in vodka for three days.

    That hits the nail direct on the head. You have to wonder about a guy who looks at the hilarious overcompensatory machismo that accompanies Hitch’s second drink and, instead of pity or contempt, instead envies him for what he can pull off.

    You have to imagine a meeting of the sots here: after a good doughtsturbation session about the beheading hand of Mahomet Hitchens confirms that Breitbart’s dog was female and then breaks out into shitty one-armed push-ups, going to two arms after two and collapsing after five in a panting heap. His impotent efforts to get up would be punctuated with half-delivered stories about lesbians who would not have sex with him.

    Then Breitbart, inspired, drops to his stomach and struggles for half an hour, red-faced and weeping and swearing about an elitist conspiracy, to hoist himself from prone a single time using his knees and elbows. The sole consolation is that sloppy seconds requires Hitch to overcome orca dick.

    He spends the next day screaming about the Free Willy franchise for reasons apparent to no one.

    Honestly, I’m beginning to see why he posted this. Getting caught on film giving the bird to a demonstration against child slavery seems like a high-water mark for him lately.

  249. Snowwy said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:48

    You people need to discuss your lexicographical fetishes in the adult section. Just the thought of Smut getting poked by a thorn…*squick*

  250. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:00

    “We want your culture and but we despise the people and ideas that make that culture possible.” i.e. cobags.

    I remember this Arabic comedian talking about one of his cousins who constantly talks about how the “West” is destroying his country, but really really likes all the restaurant food chains that have developed over there. So he keeps telling his cousin that the West should be pushed out, but he wants to keep the Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    I imagine this is somewhat similar.

    Y’know, another one of those signs that American conservatives aren’t really that distinct from Middle Eastern conservatives.

  251. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:03

    a high-water mark for him
    Pissing competitions DO NOT WANT.

    Also, Old English scholars are thorn-agains.

  252. M. Bouffant said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:07

    My confidence in g is rewarded. Deflation is here at last!!

  253. Jennifer said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:10

    You know, I’d be a lot more embarrassed that Mike Huckabee used to be my governor, if not for who up until recently was our president. I mean, it IS fucking Arkansas, and you kind of expect the redneck rubes to get suckered in by these bullshitters.

    But given his latest efforts, let’s say having this man holding an office of any rank would, even aside from the mortifying embarrassment, not be a good thing.

    See, he’s not content with just being an ethically-challenged former governor of a hick state, the presidential race’s comic relief, and a spot with Fox News. Now he fashions himself a poet. And in true Huckabee form, you can tell he’s quite proud of what he’s produced and quite convinced of his own wit:

    Here’s a story about a lady named Nancy
    A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
    Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
    But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a “leaker.”

    She flies on government planes coast to coast
    And doesn’t mind that our economy is toast
    She makes the Air Force squire her in their military jets
    There’s room for her family, her staff, and even her pets.

    Until now, she annoyed us, but her gaffes were mostly funny;
    Even though it was painful to watch her waste our tax money.
    But now her wacky comments are no laughing matter;
    She’s either unwilling to tell the truth, or she’s mad as a hatter!

    She sat in briefings and knew about enhanced interrogation;
    But claims she wasn’t there, and can’t give an explanation.
    She disparages the CIA and says they are a bunch of liars;
    Even the press aren’t buying it and they’re stoking their fires.

    I think Speaker Pelosi has done too much speaking;
    And instead of her trashing our intelligence officials, it’s her nose that needs tweaking.

    If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
    Or it’s Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
    I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
    Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.

    I say it here and I say it rather clear-
    It’s time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here.

    Today’s Republican Party, ladies and gents. What more can you say?

  254. Candy said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:14

    Jennifer, all that needs is for Toby Kieth to set it to music. Although I read somewhere recently that Toby Keith is a Democrat.

  255. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:15

    See, he’s not content with just being an ethically-challenged former governor of a hick state,

    I haven’t heard about that one in a while, what I’ve heard is a doozy, and he’s almost certainly going to be one of the big names in 2012. (The others seem determined to wear out their welcome *cough Palin cough*) Mind sharing with everyone and offering some sense of the local perspective?

    The mind-boggling thing to me is that he managed to do what he did in a state which still has competitive elections. Alaska at least has an excuse for having Palin around.

  256. St. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:17

    What more can you say?

    For it to be a real Redoublechin grand slam he has to have received it from a 15-year-old proto-constituent and used it without attribution.

    But it’s damn solid stuff, Pubbiewise. Textbook wingnut.

  257. Righteous Bubba said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:19

    Mike Adams spills the beans:

    If there is one thing that separates the conservative from the liberal it is his view of human nature. The conservative sees man as born in a broken state. This tragic view of human nature sees man as selfish and hedonistic by design. Given his nature, it is no wonder a man chooses crime. It is a wonder he ever chooses conformity.

  258. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:22

    Although I read somewhere recently that Toby Keith is a Democrat.

    Toby Keith is from Oklahoma, where the Democrats are Republicans and the Republicans think Ayn Rand was a bleeding-heart.

    There’s a few fucked-up libertarians, of course, but they tend to fly like a bat out of hell. Even they’re pretty conservative by national standards – in his OK days Jeff Rowland backed Clark ’04, because that was what looked liberal from there.

    Greater Texas is where the South, the Southwest, and the Midwest come together (their western pretensions are pretty marginal – too many Mormons, too much water, too little obsessive anti-environmentalism, and unlike your Montanans and your Jefferson Staters survivalism takes the form of group identity instead of actually having somewhere to hole up with a rifle), and a couple decades of gerrymandering ensures that you get a vibrant mix of the worst traits of each region in government. And the Republicans seem to love that shit so much they’re willing to give up the entire national Hispanic vote to coddle their Texan constituents alone. So much for Turd Blossom, eh?

  259. Arky Schadenfreude said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:25

    He should maybe start drinking more. Naw, come to think of it, he should anyway. Not like it’s going to harm his personality , after all.

    ?

    What personality?

  260. PeeJ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:35

    For no particular reason, I give you a Google smackdown:

    Results 1 – 10 of about 49,100 for conservative fucktards

    Results 1 – 10 of about 15,600 for liberal fucktards.

  261. PeeJ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:37

    Results 1 – 10 of about 626 for breitbart fucktard
    Results 1 – 10 of about 2,370 for hitchens fucktard

    So there’s that.

  262. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:41

    Results 1 – 10 of about 3,930 for breitbart testicles
    Results 1 – 10 of about 34,400 for breitbart ham

    Draw your own conclusions.

  263. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:48

    All this talk of hotels and incidents which will live in song and story and penis-fish…just makes me think of that Mothers song about the Edgewater Inn here in Seattle. You know, when they learned you could rent a fishing rod in the lobby and stick it out your window, catch a fish, haul it up into your room and do anything you want with it….

    Can’t seem to find it anywhere. Anybody’s Google-fu better than mine?

  264. Shecky McTeabagg said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:53

    That picture looks like the mayor of the stratosphere city on original star trek. (jeff corey) can hitchens geek out like that, huh, huh?

  265. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    May 19, 2009 at 3:58

    That picture looks like the mayor of the stratosphere city on original star trek. (jeff corey) can hitchens geek out like that, huh, huh?

    Him I could live without, but Diana Ewing in that dress they made for her? Yowza!

  266. Nike dunk SB shoes said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:00

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  267. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:00

    g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 2:31

    It’s a Happy Hour War on the beach, I’m telling you! The hotels are desperate, room sales are way off.

    Who’d wanna go to Santa Monica when you can just stay in Columbus, Ohio?

    Forever!

    *wahhhhhhhhhh*

  268. Nike dunk SB shoes said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:01

    Nike dunk SB shoes
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  269. kingubu said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:02

    catch a fish, haul it up into your room and do anything you want with it….

    Teh Mudshark

  270. Shecky McTeabagg said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:06

    me think of that Mothers song about the Edgewater Inn here in Seattle. You know, when they learned you could rent a fishing rod in the lobby and stick it out your window, catch a fish, haul it up into your room and do anything you want with it….

    Can’t seem to find it anywhere. Anybody’s Google-fu better than mine?

    Zappa’s white album, live at fillmore west, mudshark, vanilla fudge, do the mudshark baby, told in an airport, the vanilla fudge, deep purple was in the best place around, some stupid with a flaregun burnt the place to the ground, mudshark, baby, out you go out and do the mudshark baby.

  271. wha? said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:08

    God I miss the halcyon days when wingnuts not only dared to allow comments on thier sites, but actually spewed back in person when you posted.

    Oh well. Anyone wanna do an old-fashioned letter-to-the editor drive to get Breitbart fired? Really, these things used to be done. Have we gotten that lazy? I know I have.

  272. Jennifer said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:08

    alec – Huckabee has a long history of taking bribes…er, gifts up to and including the suits on his back, and then whining about how he’s being persecuted because he’s a Christian when he gets called out on violations of the ethics laws. He also, in a Cheneyesque turn, had a secret escape staircase built in so he could exit his second-floor state Capitol office without having to pass by the inky wretches and others who ask pesky questions. Like he’s fucking Batman or something. With regard to his larceny, it’s not so much that he stole from the taxpayers every chance he got, it’s that it was such petty theft. He billed us for his family’s groceries and pizza delivery. He used state vehicles for campaigning with the state picking up the tab for travel, for not only him, but for his wife’s campaign for Secretary of State (she ran while he was still governor and thankfully lost). He wrote a book (while governor) capitalizing on the school shootings in Jonesboro, called “When Kids Kill,” for personal profit. When it was suggested that perhaps at least a part of the proceeds should be donated to the victims’ fund, he pouted and turned churlish, talking about how he needed the money to put his kids through college. One of his sones – the grotesquely fat one who got caught trying to bring a loaded gun onto a plane – tortured a stray dog while working as a counselor at boy scout camp, by shooting and then hanging the dog. Locals joked for months about how his book should have been called “When Kids Kill Dogs”.

    He and his are just white trash, pure and simple. Low-class petty theives all the way. And for extra fun: we all called his wife Janet “Jethrene.”

  273. PeeJ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:09

    Nice drunk, maybe.

  274. PeeJ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:11

    He and his are just white trash, pure and simple.

    But…but…they look so wholesome!

  275. St. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:13

    But…but…they look so wholesome!

    Damn, that’s disturbing. It’s like the Barbershop Quartet from Purgatory.

  276. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:13

    Thanks, everybody. (We call mud sharks “dogfish” here BTW, and yeah, that’s what you’d catch, all right!)

  277. PeeJ said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:13

    And such as.

  278. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:15

    Is it just me, or is Huckabee packing on the pounds again?

  279. Jennifer said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:20

    So, how big of a douche could Huckabee’s dog-torturing son be, you ask?

    Here’s how big of a douche.

    When a guy runs around telling you how great his “family values” are, it’s always good to check into his family’s values.

  280. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:23

    Like he’s fucking Batman or something.
    That would certainly liven up the franchise.

  281. M. Bouffant said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:26

    The rest of the Huck-a-picture, in .pdf form.

  282. Shecky McTeabagg said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:27

    I even restrained my natural impulse to run down to the sand to go mano a mano with the rabble-rousers.

    Douchebart could never get drunk enough to do this. its just obvious.

  283. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 4:37

    I even restrained my natural impulse to run down to the sand to go mano a mano with the rabble-rousers.

    Let’s say he did this. So old drunk grey-haired guy comes running out the door of a hotel into a crowd of people who are walking, holding signs, chanting, and – gasp – raising their fists in the air…..and…..what?

    “Hey you kids, get off my hotel’s lawn!”

  284. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:28

    The thing where Huckabee flirted openly with handing over Arkansas to actual Christianists (as in not just your regular fundie theocrats but neopentecostals, the American equivalent of the Taleban) is my favorite part of his campaign for what it says of how horribly the mainstream media did its job: say ‘Jesus’ a bunch and it doesn’t matter if you’re Jimmy Carter or Jack Chick.

    My favorite part of the Governorship was stealing the Mansion silverware, although learning about the secret staircase seriously challenges that. Good lord.

  285. jim said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:28

    Sorry, I can’t offer you nice folks any change – all I’ve got on me right now is a ten & a twenty … but I can offer you a little shining nugget of hope.

    Spot the future Sadlynaut.

  286. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:30

    Let’s say he did this. So old drunk grey-haired guy comes running out the door of a hotel into a crowd of people who are walking, holding signs, chanting, and – gasp – raising their fists in the air…..and…..what?

    “Hey you kids, get off my hotel’s lawn!”

    What makes this funny is that (a) Breitbart was born in 1969 and (b) he would do exactly that.

  287. St. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:36

    Spot the future Sadlynaut.

    Ha! The kid who I assume you’re referring to looks just like my nephew. He’ll fit right in here when he moves out and goes to college and becomes really disaffected.

  288. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:38

    The sole consolation is that sloppy seconds requires Hitch to overcome orca dick. He spends the next day screaming about the Free Willy franchise for reasons apparent to no one.

    I have no idea WTF this means – even Urban Dictionary doesn’t define “orca dick” – but I’ve been cracking up about it since it was posted. Well done.

  289. Another kiwi said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:47

    Whilst Brave Sir Andrew runs down to the beach, Suzie is desperately phoning the blood bank, the lawyers, the Orthopaedic surgeon, the Cardio-Thoracic unit and, just in case, the Coast Guard.

  290. A full head of snakes said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:47

    Perhaps Brietbart may take this occasion to consider the merits of knowing something about what’s going on before farting out a bunch of blustering garbage a heh heyeah…

  291. Knights in White Satin said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:57

    “I feel sorry for Andrew Breitbart’s wife..”

    Me too! We really ought to take up a collection for her, although mere money couldn’t possibly compensate for the years of…well just imagine how it must have been and is.

    At any rate, I’d pay her good money to take away Breritblart’s thesaurus. Throw it in a dumpster and tell him it was stolen by liberals, or maybe by that High School Principal who was out to get him. Cognizant me eye!

    A brain is a terrible thing to lose, or loose, whatever.

    I think wife has tried to get rid of him on many occasions, the latest being when she gave him teh blue-snuggly thingy. It looks alive and dangerous

  292. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:57

    I have no idea WTF this means – even Urban Dictionary doesn’t define “orca dick” – but I’ve been cracking up about it since it was posted. Well done.

    Think ‘fin of a captive orca’.

  293. psychedelic santa said,

    May 19, 2009 at 5:57

    That was beautiful. Glad I made it to the punch line.
    I had already been chuckling from a piece of sporting news – Bodybuilders Flee Drug Tester – Event Cancelled:
    http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=4175375

  294. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:04

    Spot the future Sadlynaut.

    Aw… My heart goes out to that kid.

  295. tensor said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:09

    “Oh, no,” I thought. The antiwar movement that I saw growing only days after Sept. 11, 2001, was at it again.

    Yeah, show people pointless death and destruction, violent murders of innocent strangers, carried out for no reason but political and religious hatred, and they’ll begin to think that war is not a good thing. Real (i.e. Blightblart) ‘Murkins raged with hatred against, um, well, Those Other People. (Can’t be against the Saudis; Bush wouldn’t allow it, and anyway the Saudi government kills people for immorality, so they must be great. Hence Iraq.)

    And, in another victory for right-wing traditional education values, try copy-and-paste on the url he provided. The space between the domain name and the “.com” makes it hard on my browser. Great copy editing at the Moonie Times.

    Seeing someone raise a fist at a protest invokes an image from over forty years ago? Pavlov’s dogs were contemplative, individualist thinkers by comparison.

  296. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:13

    Think ‘fin of a captive orca’.

    Oh, I think I see – like this poor bastard?

  297. St. Bina, Queen of Sheba said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:20

    Really, all that’s left is for the Little Woman to divorce this drunken, ugly unclefucker.

    Oh, and that Huckabee doggerel? Doesn’t scan for shit.

  298. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:20

    “We want your culture and but we despise the people and ideas that make that culture possible.” i.e. cobags.

    I remember this Arabic comedian talking about one of his cousins who constantly talks about how the “West” is destroying his country, but really really likes all the restaurant food chains that have developed over there. So he keeps telling his cousin that the West should be pushed out, but he wants to keep the Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    I imagine this is somewhat similar.

    Y’know, another one of those signs that American conservatives aren’t really that distinct from Middle Eastern conservatives.

    I missed this comment, but it’s a good one. One tangential note and one relevant one.

    1) Tangential: KFC is the American restaurant that made it big in Japan, with Colonel Sanders evidently looking Japanese enough to bring over and have played by local actors and imitated by local graphics designers and his moustache coincidentally connoting to Japanese the kind of vaguely unwholesome antebellum nobleman that his suit does to us. He’s one of many pomo/kuso running jokes, and serves as a punchline as often as not because they’re even less clear on what a Southern elder in ludicrously mannered dress has to do with fried chicken than we are. (It’s also worth considering, on the subject of his popularity there, that one of the secret spices is MSG – Sanders was something of an Orientalist as a youth and it would make chicken taste a lot more savory (like beef or pork) without also making it intolerably greasy.)

    KFC is also an inseparable part of the conventional Christmas dinner there. I don’t know either.

    2) Relevant: Turkey is the country where that similarity comes out most; their political debate has much more participation from their equivalent of paleocons (militarist and bigoted but highly secular and modernist), but they’ve got the same stupid culture war, the same undereducation and patriotism, and roughly the same pop-culture superstition and disbelief in evolution. And like America but almost no other country in Europe, everyone but the most beyond-the-pale theocrats considers the separation of church and state an inalienable part of their government and way of life. They’ve even got the same basic awareness of but extreme defensiveness about the fact that their country’s history is soaked in innocent blood.

    I’ve been consistently disappointed by how approving Americans, especially conservative Americans, are about continental right-wingers’ xenophobic horror of Turkish membership in the EU. (I’ve noticed rightists tend to be Europhobes only in New Europe.) Maybe we could trade them for Texas if they want out so fucking bad.

  299. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:21

    “We want your culture and but we despise the people and ideas that make that culture possible.” i.e. cobags.

    I remember this Arabic comedian talking about one of his cousins who constantly talks about how the “West” is destroying his country, but really really likes all the restaurant food chains that have developed over there. So he keeps telling his cousin that the West should be pushed out, but he wants to keep the Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    I imagine this is somewhat similar.

    Y’know, another one of those signs that American conservatives aren’t really that distinct from Middle Eastern conservatives.

    I missed this comment, but it’s a good one. One tangential note and one relevant one.

    1) Tangential: KFC is the American restaurant that made it big in Japan, with Colonel Sanders evidently looking Japanese enough to bring over and have played by local actors and imitated by local graphics designers and his moustache coincidentally connoting to Japanese the kind of vaguely unwholesome antebellum nobleman that his suit does to us. He’s one of many pomo/kuso running jokes, and serves as a punchline as often as not because they’re even less clear on what a Southern elder in ludicrously mannered dress has to do with fried chicken than we are. (It’s also worth considering, on the subject of his popularity there, that one of the secret spices is MSG – Sanders was something of an Orientalist as a youth and it would make chicken taste a lot more savory (like beef or pork) without also making it intolerably greasy.)

    KFC is also an inseparable part of the conventional Christmas dinner there. I don’t know either.

    2) Relevant: Turkey is the country where that similarity comes out most; their political debate has much more participation from their equivalent of paleocons (militarist and bigoted but highly secular and modernist), but they’ve got the same stupid culture war, the same undereducation and patriotism, and roughly the same pop-culture superstition and disbelief in evolution. And like America but almost no other country in Europe, everyone but the most beyond-the-pale theocrats considers the separation of church and state an inalienable part of their government and way of life. They’ve even got the same basic awareness of but extreme defensiveness about the fact that their country’s history is soaked in innocent blood.

    I’ve been consistently disappointed by how approving Americans, especially conservative Americans, are about continental right-wingers’ xenophobic horror of Turkish membership in the EU. (I’ve noticed rightists tend to be Europhobes only in New Europe.) Maybe we could trade them for Texas if they want out so fucking bad.

    Juan Cole‘s article on the US’s alienation of Turkey as a military ally is an interesting adjunct, too.

  300. t4toby said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:26

    It’s not like someone forced you to smoke those dried leeches with the double mezcal for a night-cap

    You know where to get leeches, man?!?

  301. Till said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:26

    Seeing someone raise a fist at a protest invokes an image from over forty years ago?

    Also before he was born. You just know he’s also engulfed with rage about Jane Fonda, Malcolm X, and hell, why not Jesse Owens too.

  302. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:28

    hell, why not Jesse Owens too.

    Especially Owens! He totally punkd the Master Race.

  303. tensor said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:29

    “Marx, you know, to this day is read 100 to 1 over Adam Smith if that.”

    Find me a right-winger who can quote Smith’s critiques of capitalism and capitalists.

    “So Academia and Hollywood, wherever you get the hard left you get totalitarianism, and wherever you get that there’s a great romance in the rebellion against it.”

    Getting mocked and ridiculed for being a Bush dead-ender is the new gulag. Yeah, becoming an anonymous statistic in a mass grave is the new height of romance. Self-pitying victimization is the new WOLVERINES!!1!

    “I’m excited to know that there are people that have been so intimidated deep into the closet …these people do cocaine off of everybody’s buttocks…I just want to create a healthy environment where those brave conservative thinkers, writers, ones that are comfortable being out can exchange ideas.”
    He is known to be an early collaborator with Matt Drudge, and on some level he continues to work with him though he does not like to detail the exact mechanics of the arrangement…

    The “mechanics of the arrangement” between two self-hating closet cases is already well-known, and usually tragic. I hope Mrs. Rev. Haggard Blarghblart practices safe sex.

  304. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:31

    Whoops, fuck.

    Also before he was born. You just know he’s also engulfed with rage about Jane Fonda, Malcolm X, and hell, why not Jesse Owens too.

    It doesn’t matter what you think about him, it was wrong for that awful Owens to snub a white leader. He did, right? Right.

    I like to think he’s instinctively come up with a cowardly excuse for not fighting in Vietnam in spite of being one of the only wingnuts in public visibility who could not concievably have done so. Then again, where was his patriotic silent-American ass in the Gulf? He woulda been, what, 20, 21? Prime age. He can at least look up to St. Reagan in his support for the troops against his decadent colleagues as long as he doesn’t have to associate personally with them in any way, shape, or form.

  305. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:39

    Pavlov’s dogs were contemplative, individualist thinkers by comparison.

    Another difference is that Pavlov’s dogs had difficulty handling ambiguous, hard-to-classify situations.
    “The dog began showing signs of distress, whining and defecating.”
    Did I say “difference”? My bad.

  306. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:45

    Seeing someone raise a fist at a protest invokes an image from over forty years ago?

    Yes, as Till says – was Breitbart even born then? I barely remember it – I think I was in junior high.

  307. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:48

    The antiwar movement that I saw growing only days after Sept. 11, 2001, was at it again.

    And even this is a gross distortion of the truth. While there were many skeptics, even so, right after 9/11, the Bush administration had the support of all but the most outlier of leftists – everyone was giving him the benefit of the doubt. It wasn’t until he started lying us into Iraq over a full year later that people started to actively oppose him.

  308. pedestrian said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:50

    From Smut’s link:

    Observing longhaired young men tossing Frisbees on the University of Michigan campus during the late 1960s, the psychologist said—with a confident gleam in his eye—that he knew what caused this odd behavior. “It is your supermarkets. You have 20 different brands of soap, and who can tell which is best? The result is neurosis.”

    MOAR FRISBEES!

  309. M. Bouffant said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:51

    BB was born in ’69? He’s 40? I was going to say something about his multiple references to “cocaine at Hollywood parties” in the NY Obsv. thing, suggesting that he was kept away from the goodies at one too many parties & it turned him bitter, but if he’s 40 & looks like that … Ah, probably the boozing, not the blow.

    40?

  310. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:53

    The “mechanics of the arrangement” between two self-hating closet cases is already well-known, and usually tragic. I hope Mrs. Rev. Haggard Blarghblart practices safe sex.

    MSMs are the worst. They ruin two sexes’ love lives – stand-offish, disinterested, and piously masculist about sex with women, aggressively noncommittal, permanently awkward and virginal, and potentially violent with men. And all so they can lock themselves in the closet and play 50s daddy in public. It’s like grinding up priceless oil paintings to make plastic Hummel figurines.

    At least Breitbart seems to have some kind of committed relationship on both ends, though. It’s almost enough to forgive him for helping Matt Drudge play Internet Limbaugh. (Why do liberals still care about Matt Drudge, anyway?)

    Oh, I think I see – like this poor bastard?

    Now you’re thinking with marine mammals!

    Oh, and that Huckabee doggerel? Doesn’t scan for shit.

    I think the Grunge Era strangled American attention to meter in its bed, and Lord knows Republican is the new punk.

    Yeah, show people pointless death and destruction, violent murders of innocent strangers, carried out for no reason but political and religious hatred, and they’ll begin to think that war is not a good thing. Real (i.e. Blightblart) ‘Murkins raged with hatred against, um, well, Those Other People. (Can’t be against the Saudis; Bush wouldn’t allow it, and anyway the Saudi government kills people for immorality, so they must be great. Hence Iraq.)

    In retrospect, the most striking thing about the reaction to 9/11 was the amount of prodding and tendentious merchandising that was required to whip people up into a war frenzy instead of their usual murderous armchair-LeMay behavior. Breitbart and his people had a lot of work to do to turn the American flags hanging from every window into little swastikas.

    My favorite part of this accusation, though, is the direct parallel between these nasty all-powerful hippies responding to 9/11 within the week – in geological time, the blink of an eye – with unnatural contempt for killing people with airplanes, and poor innocent political prisoner to the Upper East Hollywood elite Donald Rumsfeld (later given a triumph by universal acclaim by his army, which was obviously suppressed by the liberal media) nobly opining a long time after 9/11 (24 whole hours!) that Iraq would be an easier front to open against the Arab hive mind because it would afford more stunning night-view vistas to the doughty public starved for just war by the Democrat Party.

    See, when I say these things I’m pretty much setting myself directly up for disappointment, because later on they’re going to say the same thing in a blunter, more crass and stupid way. Peak wingnut is a monument to human stupidity.

  311. g said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:54

    If he was snorting coke off buttocks in Hollywood, then he was doing it at the age of 12.

    Prolly at that expensive private school, too.

  312. pedestrian said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:58

    He needs to stop fighting it and learn to enjoy a good fisting.

  313. That Girl said,

    May 19, 2009 at 6:59

    Okay, that does it. Shutters is the Land of Douchebags. I’m watching The Hills (sue me; I’m not one of the cool kids), and Spencer and Heidi are eating at Shutters. I wonder if they’re going to go flip off some protesters after they eat.

    I’m so ashamed of myself that I’m going to ahead and change the channel now.

  314. tensor said,

    May 19, 2009 at 8:15

    He continues packing (he said “packing”, nyuh huh huh) his interview with eleventy zillion kinds of FAIL:

    People are willing to agree to disagree.

    And even more willing to grovel before an obese, multiply-divorced drug addict if they cross him.

    …they were on the forefront of dethroning Joseph Lieberman as the conscience of the senate.

    Hollywood is part of Connecticut?

    …whether they be Leiberman democrats or Scoop Jackson liberals, whether they’re Blue Dog democrats…

    Whether they be Leninists, or Trotskyists, or just plain Marxists, these Republican haters just hate them!!

    He always suspected that school had been against him, a conspiracy theory that was eventually confirmed by a friend’s mom who confessed to him that the principal had called her into his office to turn her against the young Breitbart.

    A “conspiracy theory” is validated by one person’s claim? Also, I’ve watched Hollywood movies with more realism than this story. Also.

    We had finally arrived at Weekly Standard party which was, Mr. Breitbart agreed, pretty Hollywood in its excess. Four floors, every kind of booze, flamenco dancers, a cigar balcony.

    Of course, a party for the entertainment industry would have less excess, and fewer homosexuals.

    His current crusade is bigger than the industry, indeed he would argue that is the biggest story of our time, one so hot reporters don’t have the stones to touch it.

    American torture, a war based on lies, ignoring a global climate crisis, deregulation of the financial industry leading to economic ruination, children forced into armies — trivial piffle!

    And people just assume, well that’s Hollywood, that’s the voice of the American people… and asserts its political power not through any sort of electorate…

    From mentioning (not quoting) Adam Smith, to claiming that financial success does not equal popular support. People, I give you the Full Wingnut Reversal!

    To hell with Red states, to tell [sic] with anyone who disagrees.

    Red states are home to those poufy art-house movie theatres (note Euro spelling!) whilst the blue coastal cities spend all of their ticket money on Hollywood action flicks.

    … something’s been at play for the last 40 years.

    The terrorist fist jab at the 1968 Olympics changed America forever!

    That the same thugs and bullies that made it so that the left is dominant and monolithic on the college campuses, did the exact same thing to Hollywood, that it’s coordinated…

    No sane person of fighting age would ever reject needless war! They were brainwashed by Jane Fonda, before she became George Soros!!1!

    The actors have adopted a political sensibility that’s European leftist.

    Union-represented workers with uncertain employment prospects have leftist views! Whooda thunk it?!?

    Yet these people live here and then the lecture the American people on how politics should be done.

    So totally unlike Mr. Slightblart himself.

    There’s a reason why you have prequels of sequels of Freaky Friday.

    The ghost of Adam Smith has more substance than this guy.

    So people are crafting the product to try and sate the opinion makers.

    Tailoring product to customer is the essence of anti-capitalism.

    Creativity is dying! Hollywood is fundamentally uninteresting,” he said.

    We only obsess about what bores us.

    There was something exciting about the entertainment industry back in the 70s and 60s, there was a vitality – it’s dead now.

    When Robert Altman was making M*A*S*H? When Al Pacino was sticking a knife in the corpse of the Hayes Code with “Cruising”?

    [The Hollywood left] is a stale group of people who are recycling the same old bad ideas that don’t work.

    Don’t work is the new capitalist success story.

    ‘You can come out. The war’s over. We’re not fighting the Japanese anymore; you can come off the island.’

    He’s referring, of course, to the tale of the Japanese soldier who never got Hirohito’s Surrender Now! memo.

    He said that so far the media has not figured out what to make of him, but that there was nothing mysterious or ambiguous about his cause. He wants decency to prevail.

    Him, Rev. Haggard, and Senator Vitter. Also, Rep. Foley. Also.

    A movie could have a direct message with Maggie Gyllenhaal …

    “Rocket Boys” taught hard, strapping, cut young high school boys to hate America, by striving for technological supremacy over the Commies.

    I think they hate the idea that it’s a mystery, that for every 10 people that are open there are a 100 that aren’t open about and that they know that we’re meeting each other that we’re seeking each other out…

    Cripes, I am the straightest straight boy alive. I couldn’t dance to save my life, my idea of interior decor consists of unframed posters and shelves of engineering books, and the woman who cuts my hair dictates the style, because I have no clue. Even my vestigal gaydar pegged to “11″ after a few sentences of this.

  315. alec said,

    May 19, 2009 at 8:23

    flamenco dancers, a cigar balcony.

    I must have glossed over this. The Weekly Standard sure knows how to party.

    What can you say about a man whose idea of luxury is flamenco that he hasn’t already said about himself? Besides, obviously, orca dick.

  316. tensor said,

    May 19, 2009 at 8:24

    Whoops, me bad. Homer Hickham’s book, “Rocket Boys”, was made into the movie, “October Sky”. (Hangs geek head in shame.)

  317. Joe Max said,

    May 19, 2009 at 10:16

    Besides, obviously, orca dick.

    You mean a free willy?

  318. M. Bouffant said,

    May 19, 2009 at 10:53

    I’ve never paid for willy.

  319. The Invisible Hand said,

    May 19, 2009 at 11:41

    Find me a right-winger who can quote Smith’s critiques of capitalism and capitalists.

    For that matter, find me one that can quote much of anything of his in context and accurately.

    From teh wiki…

    Smith used the phrase “invisible hand” only twice in his work. The first use was in “The Theory of Moral Sentiments.” (1759, Part IV, “Of the Effect of Utility upon the Sentiment of Approbation” Chapter 1 Paragraph 10, as follows:) The rich only select from the heap what is most precious and agreeable. They consume little more than the poor, and in spite of their natural selfishness and rapacity, though they mean only their own conveniency, though the sole end which they propose from the labours of all the thousands whom they employ, be the gratification of their own vain and insatiable desires, they divide with the poor the produce of all their improvements. They are led by an invisible hand to make nearly the same distribution of the necessaries of life, which would have been made, had the earth been divided into equal portions among all its inhabitants, and thus without intending it, without knowing it, advance the interest of the society, and afford means to the multiplication of the species.

    Smith also used the phrase “invisible hand” in a later work, in chapter two of the fourth book, “Of Restraints upon the Importation from Foreign Countries.” His usage was in the context of a problem, in Smith’s view, posed by free and open markets among nations. If markets were free and open, the question arose how would a nation (such as Great Britain, the nation Smith cared about) keep its capitalists from moving their capital out of the nation and into other countries where labor could be bought for cheaper. The answer, Smith says, is that they will act with a view toward their own particular nationalistic interests which happen to correspond with the “public interest” at home. In this way, by “preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry,” the capitalist will in a sense be “led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention.” Later writers, both supporters and detractors, repeated this phrase far out of proportion to Smith’s own usage and also out of context, with an entirely new meaning not intended by Smith.

    Both instances seem quaint at best if one tries to apply them to a modern reality, and neither is in the same galaxy, much less the same ballpark as how wingnuts bandy the phrase about today. I suppose we can just add him to the list of motherfuckers whose bones we can strap turbines to so as to solve our energy problems as they spin in their graves.

  320. Dot said,

    May 19, 2009 at 12:32

    The moment pwned him.

  321. a different mikey said,

    May 19, 2009 at 13:32

    I suppose we can just add him to the list of motherfuckers whose bones we can strap turbines to so as to solve our energy problems as they spin in their graves.

    Don’t you have to attach a piece of toast to one side and a cat to the other to get a perpetual motion generator?

  322. MarkusR said,

    May 19, 2009 at 15:39

    No way that just happened. It’s like Christmas in May.

  323. Woodrowfan said,

    May 19, 2009 at 16:29

    there is another aspect of wingnut behavior here, specifically that wingnuts assume that they are the “smart ones” and assume that the liberals are making a stupid mistake. In the end it’s always the wingnuts that prove they are idiots.

    Wingnut sees draft protest.
    Wingnut assumes that protesters are too stupid to realize that we have a volunteer military
    Wingnut reacts to presumed liberal foolishness.
    OOPS: wingnut proven to be idiot when protest turns out to be something else entirely.

    You see this all the time with global warming deniers and creationists. They make some observation about the science that they think proves their point, only to be shown that they don’t know squat about the science!

  324. justme said,

    May 19, 2009 at 20:32

    Don’t you have to attach a piece of toast to one side and a cat to the other to get a perpetual motion generator?

    Nah, just stick a small tv tuned to Fox down there and off they go. It’s not perpetual motion, but the supply of wingnut inanity being what it is, we shouldn’t have to worry for some time.

  325. Anonymous said,

    May 20, 2009 at 12:47

    RE: “The real question this incident raises is why someone like Breitbart, who is about as photogenic as road kill after two days in August on a highway in Georgia, is always leaping up and throwing himself in front of a camera lens.”

    MY SPECULATION: A classic case of narcissism?

  326. DICKERSON3870 said,

    May 20, 2009 at 12:48

    RE: “The real question this incident raises is why someone like Breitbart, who is about as photogenic as road kill after two days in August on a highway in Georgia, is always leaping up and throwing himself in front of a camera lens.”

    MY SPECULATION: A classic case of narcissism?

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