May
11
11
Wanda Sucks
Shorter Jonah Goldberg:
Jonah Goldberg, America’s Shittiest Website™
The WHCD, Cont’d
- Jokes about Democrats are always funny. That one last night about Hillary sending Obama to Mexico to catch swine flu and die, OMFG, that was funny. I spewed semi-masticated meat pieces all over the tablecloth when I heard it. I almost pissed myself. I was dying, dying. Jokes about Republicans, however, are rarely funny. What kind of sick fuck thinks it’s funny to joke about Rush Limbaugh dying of kidney failure?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 0:57
The Pope, Ruch Limbaugh, and Al Sharpton are standing at public urinals. The Pope says “Ahhh, I bless this device of public hygiene.” Rush Limbaugh says “Ahhh, I commend this device of personal relief.” Al Sharpton says “Ahhh, I wish this urinal had a deep end.”
Caliph Garrett said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:01
It looks like Jonah is the first against the wall under Night at the Improv Fascism.
yoyo said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:05
what a wacky but idealistic young man, if only he would put his hand up tp run the country – oh he already has? What a kidder.
J— said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:10
There are funnier lines in lefty blog comment sections.
Oh, Jonah, this time we feel it, and we can’t deny the fact that you like us, right now, you like us.
Arky Schadenfreude said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:12
Quick! Must distract people from the fact Cthcheney prefers a fat fuck of a bigot to Colin Powell. Uh … uh … I know! LOOK! AN UPPITY NEGRESS SAID SOMETHING MEAN ABOUT THE FAT FUCK OF A BIGOT!!
/Johan Lœdedhösen
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:14
okay, see, Rush Limbaugh feels his kidneys hurting so he decides he’s going to have them tested secretly. So he makes a urine sample and sends it to a medical testing lab under an alias. Three days later, the results come back “Your hog has diabetes!”
MzNicky said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:14
Dough-Load just can’t handle the truth that most of the country joins Wanda Sykes in her desire that Rash Phlegmball’s kidneys fail.
Rush Limbaugh's other organs said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:16
Hey! What are we, chopped liver?
tigrismus said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:17
Fail nothing, I hope the poor darlings finally escape their fetid prison.
Rush Limbaugh's heart and higher-brain functions said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:18
Don’t look at us. We don’t even exist.
Till said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:21
Nasty jokes are mean. Elected officials earnestly calling their opponents anti-American traitors is Much More Serious.
Rush Limbaugh's Viagra engorged genitals said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:22
Fuck the kidneys, which way to the petting zoo?
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:24
okay, see, Rush Limbaugh is visiting a Dominican brothel and he goes to the bathroom and starts peeing red. He says “It must have been the grilled candiru I had for lunch.”
MzNicky said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:25
LoadenPants IS correct, albeit (and of course) ironically, about one thing, though: Sykes was no Stephen Colbert. Then again, no one in the history of WHCD ever will match Colbert’s performance. Never ever. One of the greatest moments in broadcast history.
Rush Limbaugh's "other organ" said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:28
How can I fail when I’m this deep in Pepito?
The Kid from Kounty Meath said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:32
If Jonah’s balls are big enough that HE can call someone out for accusing someone on the other side of treason… well, then I can kinda see where KLo is coming from.
…
Ewww.
henry lewis said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:33
Bee-Ho himself got off some zingers. He’s got the dry deadpan shtick down nicely.
Arky Schadenfreude said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:34
I must second MzNicky’s comment. Colbert did for political comedy. Hell, any comedy. Hell, ACTING, what … well, what Obama’s team did for presidential elections.
Christ, he looked Bush in the eye. Several times.
Totally ruined my Stewart-crush.
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:34
okay, see, Dennis Hastert, Mark Foley, and Rush Limbaugh are all sitting in the urologist’s waiting room. Rush asks Hastert “What are you here for?” Hastert says “I’m so fat that my organs are pressing on my kidneys and damaging them.” Rush asks Mark Foley “What are you here for?” Mark Foley says “I had sex with caribbean prostitutes and got a kidney disease.” He asks Rush “What are you here for?” Rush says “It must be the grilled candiru I ate last week.”
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:40
I wouldn’t say that Rush Limbaugh’s kidneys are bloated and swollen, but the airplane that ditched in the Hudson used them for flotation devices!
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:40
http://www.sadlyno.com/wordpress/uploads/2009/05/jonah_standup.jpg
Worst Jan Saudek homage ever.
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:41
Suggested replacement.
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:45
Colbert’s performance will, or certainly should, go down in the history of the most significant political satire of all history. It really was one of the few times in history that a petty tyrant was called out to his face by a comedian when nearly no one else would.
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:45
of the history in all of the history and however many extra times I should of all of history repeat that of history phrase of history
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:49
We are all interested in history, for that is where you and I spent most of our lives. And remember my friend, historical events such as these have affected you in history.
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:51
The burden of English, with its million words and the fanatical requirement not to repeat any of them within a page of each other is a heavy one.
henry lewis said,
May 11, 2009 at 1:58
the fanatical requirement not to repeat any of them
They make an exception where I work for the word “fuck”.
M. Bouffant said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:02
Oooh, too bad, also. How’s that free-market, unregulated economy working out for whatever trust-fund keeps NR going, & for Murdoch’s News Corp.? Great, huh?
Shorter Jonah: At least at my senior prom we had a before-party & I got real drunk.
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:03
“Apparently any dissent from another celebration of Obama is beyond the pale.”
Waah Waah Waah, Obama is more popular than any of the decrepit old fucks we adore.
Will these people ever stop whining?
St. Bina, Queen of Sheba said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:03
Pantload is just pissed that Wanda is pussyless where he’s concerned.
Marco said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:07
No courtyard reception? How Jonah suffered. He couldn’t schmooze Mariska Hargitay till she reached for her pepper spray outside in the cool air. It was hot inside, so he sweat off a small portion of his to-that-point 2,900 calorie intake.
Poor Jonah.
Admit it! said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:15
It was disgusting how Sykes compared Rush Limbaugh to the man how killed 3,000 Americans! Just admit it.
Admit it! said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:17
*The man WHO
Before I’m made fun of for typos in cheap jokes.
Now address my post!
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:17
Oh yeas, there’s a winning strategy to win the American people back to conservatism: start complaining loudly that someone said something MEAN about RUSH LIMBAUGH! What has happened to CIVILITY?
Admit it! said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:19
Can you imagine if someone compared Obama to Osama? The liberals would run for it with days.
Heck even when they ran bin Laden in the same commercial with a Democrat Senator (and didn’t even compare him) the Democrats raised hell.
How is this any different?
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:19
You can make fun of my typo all you like, I’m not giving orders.
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:21
Can you imagine if someone compared Obama to Osama? The liberals would run for it with days.
They did, we did, and we won.
Admit it! said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:23
“They did, we did, and we won.”
I’d like to see a youtube of ONE Republican Candidate comparing Obama to Osama in an ad. Just ONE! And not even McCain. Just a Republican candidate.
Democrat Hack!
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:23
If Osama bin Laden had been President of the United States for the last eight years, he would have done infinitely less damage to this country than Bush and Cheney, so feel free to eat a big bag o’ dicks, Troofy.
M. Bouffant said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:24
What’s disgusting is how one can barely tell the difference between an Islamo-fascist like bin Laden & a plain old American fascist like Limbaugh. They both want the country to go down in flames so they can rule over the ruins.
Now address my post!
Learn to write & you can address your own goddamn mail, lazy parasite moocher!!
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:24
I think we need more tearful, histrionic defenses of Rush Limbaugh. America loves that man, and they’ll rally to his side. Really, they will. Be sure to make them extra whiny and humorless. That’s the spirit the American people are looking for!
Till said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:25
Tedious fake troll is so much more entertaining when replaced by dancing badgers.
M. Bouffant said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:25
they ran bin Laden in the same commercial with a Democrat Senator (and didn’t even compare him)
No further comment needed.
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:27
Candidate, maybe not, but:
Nationally syndicated radio host Rush Limbaugh repeatedly called Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) “Obama Osama” and “Osama Obama” during the July 11 broadcast of The Rush Limbaugh Show. In criticizing a July 10 speech by Obama in Eatonville, Florida, Limbaugh added “Osama” to the senator’s name seven times. Limbaugh justified his use of the phrase by explaining that Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-MA) had once done so.
As Limbaugh acknowledged on his show, Kennedy did correct himself after mistakenly saying “Osama bin” instead of “Obama” at a January 12 press conference at the National Press Club. The Associated Press reported on January 12, “Kennedy also mangled the name of the Democrats’ new star, Illinois Sen. Barack Obama, calling him ‘Osama bin … Osama … Obama.’ ”
Limbaugh has referred to Obama as “Obama Osama” or “Osama Obama” several times since the January press conference, generally to mock Kennedy’s misstatement. But on his July 11 show, Limbaugh also repeatedly used the phrase in criticizing Obama and Democrats in general.
http://mediamatters.org/clips/200507120008
St. Jesus of Max said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:27
One was a stand up comedian hired to do a scathing political satire roast. The other was a election campaign ad paid for by a major political party.
But I know it’s difficult to tell the difference between Repug talking heads and comedians there days.
Admit it! said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:28
Can you imagine if someone caught me sucking off my best friend in the boys’ bathroom at school? The liberals would run for it with days.
Not that that, uh, happened today.
St. Jesus of Max said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:28
Um, that’s THESE days. Also.
Admit it! said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:28
“If Osama bin Laden had been President of the United States for the last eight years, he would have done infinitely less damage to this country than Bush and Cheney, so feel free to eat a big bag o’ dicks, Troofy.”?
As Bill O’Reilly says, the far left wants the world to think America is an evil country, America is a depraved country, that America is evil, and you are proof in the pudding. Don’t you think this about America, far lefty? Admit it. And don’t be sarcastic. Do you HONESTLY believe America is an evil country, or not?
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:30
Do you HONESTLY believe America is an evil country, or not?
I don’t. I think it’s occasionally fallen into the hands of evil men.
Now address my post!
St. Jesus of Max said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:31
No, America just has too many evil wingnuts in it.
That shoot cops.
And people in churches.
Now that’s evil.
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:33
As Bill O’Reilly says, the far left wants the world to think America is an evil country
They want no such thing. Bill O’Reilly is a nutcase who’s arguing with voices in his head.
Now address my post!
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:33
Shorter Goldberg:
Rush been ‘buked an’ Rush been scorned, children
Rush been ‘buked an’ Rush been scorned
Rush been talked about, sho’s you’re born
Dere is trouble all over dis world
Children, dere is trouble all over dis world
Ain’t gwine to lay my ‘ligion down
Children, ain’t gwine to lay my ‘ligion down
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:34
OK, as long as we’re all feeding the miserable loser troll, I’ll throw another chunk:
Citing O’Really is risible enough, but you just touched on something fundamental: if anyone dares to notice that America is not a flawless land of candy gumdrop trees and happy flag-bedecked unicorns frolicking in a garden of perfection, they are instantly accused of believing America is “evil”. That sort of argument is really effective, when you’re five years old.
Marco said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:35
Admit it!, your post(s) suck. There.
Now address my post!!!
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:37
Can I be the first to announce that “Now address my post!” is the new “I am aware of all internet traditions”?
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:37
Can I be the first to announce that “Now address my post!” is the new “I am aware of all internet traditions”?
I’m down widdit.
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:38
OK, I’ll admit something: “candy gumdrop trees” is a bit redundant. Then again, so is “fake plastic trees”, but Radiohead got away with it anyway.
Ted Just said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:40
No. SA2SQ Vol. XI(K)(11)
Edmund Burke said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:41
Now post my Address to the Electors of Bristol!
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:41
This is grossly dishonest. We far lefters want America to be far more evil. Where are the public sacrifices of infants in the public square to our Lord and Master Satan? Where are the public elementary schools designated as Extra Drug Zones?
Anil Dash said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:43
“Can I be the first to announce that “Now address my post!” is the new “I am aware of all internet traditions”
Zing! I’ll write a blog post about it!
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:45
Now undress my post!
Matt T. said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:45
I think Bill O’Reilly’s evil. He lies and disseminates for profit and financial gain, he spurns on the worst in humanity to keep up his popularity, and he trades on fear and loathing just to keep his job. Plus, he’s a coward and a hypocrite and a shitty journalist. Fuck him and whatever he says, that asshole has loads of karmic debt to pay off.
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:46
You shut up about Bill O’Reilly. He’s been in combat.
laym said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:48
America is evil, and you are proof in the pudding
You got proof in my pudding! No, you got pudding in my proof!
Live up to my cracked perceptions, libs! Do it now!
BMACCNM said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:48
“It’s a joke, people. Gawwhh.” Isn’t that the proper response to outrage? It worked when Ann Coulter called for the poisoning of a sitting Supreme Court Justice.
henry lewis said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:51
The host is overdressed.
Euripides said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:58
Bill O’Reilly was a member of Combat-18 while visiting Ireland?
It would be irresponsible not to speculate…
PeeJ said,
May 11, 2009 at 2:59
Three conservative vulgar spuds walk into a bar. First one screams at the bartender, “you’re a traitor! You should just fucking leave the country!” Second one tells the waitress “Don’t expect a tip you leech on society!” Third one blows a guy in the men’s room.
No joke.
J Neo Marvin said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:00
At least the third one was useful to someone.
J.D. Rhoades said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:00
Guess my post isn’t going to be addressed.
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:04
Well I need you guys to help me. Ima good helpin’ of liberal but I’m just to lazy to be evil enough. I’d like to undermine the foundations of America by attacking the heroes who die for our freedom but I have no fucking clue how to go about it.
I know that a negligible difference in tax structure will shift us to the greased, teflon-coated slope of socialisticommuseculahomoism but i don’t know how to make my christian majority neighbors feel persecuted enough for fearing it.
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:06
“Third one blows a guy in the men’s room.”
Another statistic
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:11
“Third one blows a guy in the men’s room.”
Another statistic
I am not convinced that this is the most accurate way of obtaining measurements.
The Kid from Kounty Meath said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:12
@3:04- Why don’t you support legislation that suggests maybe singling out a gay guy to beat the shit out of might be a particularly heinous thing to do? You’ll be a pedophile-protecting AntiChrist in no time.
jim said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:13
The idea that anyone following in the wake of a comedy ninja like Colbert would look like anything much better than Gallagher smooshing a watermelon with a sledgehammer is only slightly less ironic than the idea of any lucid adult giving any merit to the fecal bloviations of intellectual fungi like Jonah “Liburral Faschizm Iz Reale” Goldberg or Amity “I’m Not An Academic, But I Play One On TeeVee” Schlaes.
Now impress my toast!!!
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:15
Another statistic
I guess it’s a standard deviation.
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:18
Now impress my toast!!!
Here you go. Satisfied?
Satan said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:21
Now impregnate my host!
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:23
Also, ot:
Either button the collars or don’t buy button-down collared shirts. You don’t see me buying 501s then walking around showin’ a little veinage because I don’t feel like buttoning. Society is a machine that teeters between barely working and completely imploding. Not buttoning is just throwing sand in the machinary.
Maybe those ball hairs growing out of his chin blocked his view.
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:27
He looks like he’s standing next to a wall of a state park public restroom.
Joe Max said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:28
Jonah’s mom dresses him. Always has.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:29
Comedy MASTER Ninja, you meant, Shirley!
kenga said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:37
Y’know, it looks to me as though you could blindfold him with dental floss.
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:38
Now impregnate my host!
Evidently Satan is a Toxoplasmosis gondii parasite.
N.C. said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:44
Hey Jonah, you can get shirts with different collar sizes if you want. You don’t have to buy them off the rack at T.J. Maxx and then leave them all half-done and sloppy because they dig into your flavor-saver.
N.C. said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:45
Now contemplate my roast!!
The Far Left said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:49
“the far left wants the world to think America is an evil country, America is a depraved country, that America is evil,”
That explains our devotion to torture, pre-emptive war, rapacious free markets and racism.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:50
Now exorcise my ghost!
Ted Just said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:53
Now Father the Son of my Holy Ghost!
Mickey Kaus said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:57
Now massage my goat!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:59
The Far Left said,
May 11, 2009 at 3:49
“the far left wants the world to think America is an evil country, America is a depraved country, that America is evil,”
That explains our devotion to torture, pre-emptive war, rapacious free markets and racism.
===========================================================
And here I used to think Norbiz cared about Freedom™, and such as.
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:00
America? Oh, I thought you said “Alabama.” This changes everything.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:01
This just in from CNN: California fire possibly started by power tool
Mirengoff, perhaps?
Gundamhead said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:02
Rush Limbaugh is the Martin Niemöller of Liberal Fascism!
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:04
Quick — somebody check on where George W. Bush was on those days — since moving out of Crawford, maybe he got a hankering for more of that brush clearin’, especially ’cause there’s only so many Shakespeares you can read and pretzels you can swallow whole.
Nom de Plume said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:08
This just in from CNN: California fire possibly started by power tool
Okay, I confess. I was testing my new blowtorch while disposing of my excess kerosene by pouring it on my collection of tinder. I thought I put it out with some dried straw I happened to have with me, but maybe it was still smoldering.
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:12
>You shut up about Bill O’Reilly. He’s been in combat.
The only combat Papa Bear ever saw was with a falafel.
John Hinderaker said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:16
I have an alibi; my wife can attest that I spent the weekend on the couch, watching Tivo’d beauty pageants.
Nylund said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:17
I think this picture of Mitt Romney standing next to an Obama/Osama poster would meet the criteria of a Republican candidate:
http://www.brendan-nyhan.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/07/24/0720_brookshire_obama.jpg
But why must it be a CANDIDATE? Wanda Sykes isn’t a democratic candidate. Nice moving of the goal posts there. But we know why you added the candidate qualifier. Because, without it, there is WAY too much material:
http://images.google.com/images?q=obama+osama
But seriously, do you want a list of candidates who over-emphasized the middle name “Hussein” to conjure up images of Saddam, or who said Obama was a Muslim (just like the terrorists), or went on and on about how he “pals around with Terrorists”? It’d be a really long list!
The entire GOP campaign was about trying to convince the American people that Obama was basically no different from a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist.
But, being the whiny ass titty babies they are, the GOP cries and creams and throws a tantrum when a b-list comedian makes one single comparable comment about one of their own.
No doubt we’ll have a week of Rush telling Wanda to “take the bone out of her nose” before lecturing her on how the only reason she is in America is because of slavery and how it was the greatest thing to ever happen to black people.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:19
The only combat Papa Bear ever saw was with a falafel.
But it was a big falafel. With hummus!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:23
Typical Liberals.
Oppressing Bill O’Falafel’s right to free speechification.
Just like…..
HITLER!1!
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:24
I was trying to formulate a joke about a colorblind winger not seeing different shades of grey but couldn’t come up with one. Especially since the colorblind can see grey.
This view of “the left” is quite disturbing to me. When we oppose a military action or foreign policy, we are seen as going against america. As a whole. The whole goddamn pie. This military, state department officials, CIA employees, and every part of our government are run by people. These people are not the embodiment of a moral foundation of a society. They are people.
When the right is critical, they are angry at people also. They don’t see themselves as attacking America or our way of life, even though the democrats now run our government. They are attacking a government, which is a bunch of people, not a country. You can’t attack america with words. When the right accuses the left of this, they are just muddying the waters and jockeying to be the party of the fearful.
DocAmazing said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:25
So Rush Limbaugh does indeed develop kidney failure (“Wanda Sykes syndrome”, if you like), and is taken to his doctor. “Well, Rush,” says his medico, “we just got a new dialysis machine, so you’re in luck! Latest technology, from France!”
“I don’t want some effete Frog machine working on my kidneys!” bellowed Rush. “What else do you have?”
“Well,” said the doc, “this one is on loan from UCLA Med Center–a very fine machine!”
“Yeah, and socialist, too–some state-owned Commie piss machine! Don’t you have an American machine, developed by free-enterprise, by productive members of society?” growled Rush.
“Well, there is this machine over here, but…”
“But nothing! Hook me up!” And so, Rush’s vein and artery were connected to the humming steel box.
“We’ll need to hurry up with your treatment, though, Rush,” said the doc.
“Why? I’m paying for it, aren’t I?” retorted Rush.
“Yes, but the Roto-Rooter guy will eventually notice that he forgot his sump pump…”
owlbear1 said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:25
What kind of sick fuck thinks it’s funny to joke about Rush Limbaugh dying of kidney failure?
Yeah, especially when there are about a million more painful and humiliating ways to imagine the lying motherfucker wheezing out his last stinking breath.
g said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:25
Well, I was waiting for the anti-Wanda pearl-clutching conservative posts. Is Jonah the first, or just the most prominent?
Frankly. I didn’t think she was very good – Obama himself was better. I was disappointed because I kinda like Wanda, but I don’t think the occasion worked for her.
I did like the Hannity material,though. That she could break him (torture-wise) by making him sit in the middle seat in coach. Hilarious.
g said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:27
What kind of sick fuck thinks it’s funny to joke about Rush Limbaugh dying of kidney failure?</I.
the same kind of sick fuck who’d think making fun of a Parkinson’s patient is funny.
Hubert Davis said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:28
With that expression on Jonah’s face in that picture, why is there no sandwich or erect penis photoshopped in?
I find this lack fairly alarming.
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:29
Ladies & gentlemen, the Order of the Confederate Senate Minority proudly presents Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Hissy):
OMG he’s right!!! How come Barack Saddam Hussein Obama said he ‘uz gonna put some damn fool who don’t even know the LAW but just goes up and feels everybody up for empathy on the damn Supremest Court of the U.S. of A???
We got to stop these liberal fatcysts tryin’ ta’ impose “empathy” on our great Confederate States of America.
Nylund said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:30
Now I totally want to make a “Rushama Limbaugh-den” shirt.
Just Alison said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:30
Now breast my moat!
Where’s everybody gone?
owlbear1 said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:34
Shorter Mitch:
Empathy? Republicans are fucked if “empathy” is part of the solution!
he flips said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:39
Shorter Every Repub After Hearing Obama’s Speech:
“I only heard one word, I feel like burning something down.”
Ted Just said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:42
Now I totally want to give you some money.
M. Bouffant said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:47
Jonah’s mom dresses him. Always has.
What an awful, offensive & stupid canard.
Mr. Zoidberg is a mature, human adult. Mrs. Zoidberg (wife, not mommy) has been dressing him since his mother was able to foist him off on her. (Happiest day of Lucianne’s life, by the way.)
Remember when... said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:49
conservatives would brag about their political incorrectness and going in for “insensitivity training”?
What the fuck happened to THOSE guys, huh? Oh yeah… they became a bunch of whiny-ass titty babies.
M. Bouffant said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:51
He’s so fucking stupid that he thinks he has to unbutton the collar button to loosen his tie. And he’s so stupid he wears ties when he knows he’s going to be loosening them later. Gaaaahh!!
Arguing With Signposts said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:54
And as if on cue, Jake Tapper <a href=”http://www.balloon-juice.com/?p=21021″weighs in with the wingnut WATB parade! (via DougJ at Balloon Juice).
Arguing With Signposts said,
May 11, 2009 at 4:55
And as if on cue, Jake Tapper weighs in with the wingnut WATB parade! (via DougJ at Balloon Juice).
Johnny Pez said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:03
I tell you, my friend, there is nothing in this world that tastes as sweet as bitter wingnut tears.
Now address my post!!!
Ed Norton said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:07
Hello, Post!
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:10
Are you trying to show empathy or something? ‘Cause we don’t like that shit ’round here. It can lead to all sorts of statistics.
N__B said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:12
Now post my Address to the Electors of Bristol!
What was she elected to? Not homecoming queen, that’s for damned sure.
Just Alison said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:21
No to Obama Osama and Chelsea’s MOMA
Chelsea is the Museum of Modern Art? Who knew?
Now zest my ghost!
!!!! said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:21
Now post my address!
Sophist FCD said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:25
Couldn’t you cite a more respectable source? Like, say, Gene Ray?
Became?
NAMP! Also.
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:41
okay, see, Rush Limbaugh goes to the urologist and the urologist says “Rush, one of your kidneys is so sick that I’m going to have to remove it. And then your other kidney will be working so hard for it to stay healthy, you’ll have to lose a hundred pounds, quit smoking cigars, stop having homosexual sex with underage prostitutes, and stop behaving like a motherfucking lying asshole all the time.” Rush asks “What does my being a motherfucking lying asshole have to do with my last healthy kidney?” The urologist answers “Nothing, but I know a cardiologist who says your assholeness is killing her patients.”
George Johnston said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:46
Yeah! You shouldn’t joke about Limbaugh and kidney failure because then he would have to stop his Oxycontin treatments and stop borrowing his friend’s Viagra when he goes on a boat with a bunch of young men.
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 5:48
The urologist tells Rush Limbaugh “Rush, I’ve got bad news and worse news.” Rush asks “What’s the bad news, doc?” The doctor says “You need a kidney transplant in the next 24 hours or you’ll die, Rush.” Rush asks “What’s the worse news, doc?” The doctor says “The only compatible candidate we’ve found is Donovan McNabb.”
Shecky McTeabagg said,
May 11, 2009 at 6:05
okay, see, the urologist tells Rush Limbaugh “I’ve got bad news and good news and bad news.” Rush asks “What’s the bad news, doc?” The doctor says “Your kidneys are in such bad shape that they have to be stimulated five times a day, every day, by massaging your prostate with this loofah.” Rush asks “What’s the good news, doc?” The doctor says “The Republican Congressional Caucus has volunteered to do this for you on a rotating basis.” Rush asks “What’s the bad news, doc?” The doctor answers “The first six months rotation is being done by Michele Bachmann, R-Falafel.”
Jennifer said,
May 11, 2009 at 6:15
Submitted without comment for your consideration.
Anonymous said,
May 11, 2009 at 6:44
Falafels are merciless killing machines, determined to achieve victory regardless of the cost.
Now oppress my piss!
krassen said,
May 11, 2009 at 7:04
excuse me, helloooooo!!!! The lead-in for Wanda saying these god-awful things about Rush? The whole business about wanting “Obama to fail”?? Furreal, at that, not just comedy material.
WTF?
Serious about whole country fails? Yeah, baby!
Jokes about kidneys fails? ZOMG!!!
Brandi said,
May 11, 2009 at 7:19
so feel free to eat a big bag o’ dicks, Troofy.
The collective willingness of Sadly, No! to provide said bag of dicks seems to counter the stated declaration to not feed trolls.
Besides, would you really want Troofy’s fetid and doubtelessly green-toothed mouth on your dick? Would you?!
Newbie McNoob said,
May 11, 2009 at 7:36
The collective willingness of Sadly, No! to provide said bag of dicks seems to counter the stated declaration to not feed trolls. Besides, would you really want Troofy’s fetid and doubtelessly green-toothed mouth on your dick? Would you?!
I don’t believe the statement you quoted implies that SN would supply the aforementioned bag o’ dicks.
In fact, I interpret “so feel free to eat a big bag o’ dicks” to mean that the trolls should go Galt and forage for the bags o’ dicks themselves.
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 7:44
Very quiet here.
Time to start some trouble.
Kidney failure from ANABOLIC STEROID ABUSE among ELITE ATHLETES.
Repack Rider said,
May 11, 2009 at 8:18
Rush goes to the proctologist and says he’s got this itch, might be his old war wound or something acting up. Doctor checks him out and says yeah, I see something. Reaches in and feels around.
“Mr. Limbaugh, I’m afraid you have a saxophone up your ass.”
If I had a punch line, I would put it here.
Scumbag College Debate Team said,
May 11, 2009 at 8:28
We’d just like to say – the badger thing is really, really great. It makes you want trolls to show up.
Oh, and PENIS.
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 8:40
Rush Limbaugh is the shitmoat of Bag of Dickism.
or a “Limbaughy Pantload”.
I demand that at least one of the above sayings become a new internet tradition.
NOW RESPOND TO MY POST!11!
also PENIS (sorry no link for admit it!)
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 8:44
PENIS!11!
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/6558/GIGER_I_.GIF
The Fool said,
May 11, 2009 at 8:56
The Doughy Pantload and Rush Limpdick both suck worse than punk music – and that is very hard to do, my friends.
Morning bitchiz!
Scumbag College Debate Team said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:00
Hey look, MORE DANCING BADGERS!
yays
islmfaoscist said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:05
Till said,
I love you. And Fred Ludd.
The Fool said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:05
He got hair on his chin
cause he thinks it looks cool
when all it really does
is make him look like a tool
Wanda Sykes in the house
had the place in stitches
But the Pantload’s just as dumb
as them stoopid punk bitchiz
islmfaoscist said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:09
I likes me some Wanda Sykes, but she can’t touch Teh Rude One.
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:20
“Limbaugh hits the ground with all the grace of an oversized turd being shat out of a constipated elephant.” Rude Pundit
Good morning islmfaoscist.
islmfaoscist said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:24
Mornin’ mozart.
Also, Leeeeeave Rush ALOOOOONE!
And such as.
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:37
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:39
Submitted without comment.
http://www.dancingbadgers.com/home/
justme said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:43
I was thinking the Hall of Douchebags, where the brick wall is sooooo the thing.
Also, yeah, that’s just an awful, hurtful thing to say about such a nice gentleman like Rush. I mean, it’s not like he’s ever said a bad word about anyone, right?
Now, digest my riposte.
Oh… Jennifer, I love TFLN. I think that lass must have been fucking one of these clowns.
Sheesh said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:44
Hey Repack Rider,
“Mr. Limbaugh, I’m afraid you have a saxophone up your ass.”
*Toot!*
Now, redress my provost!!!
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:48
Googling dancing badgers on a Monday morning. How sad is my life?
http://www.searchingforbillyedelin.com/2009/3/16/800431/we-re-dancing-wisconsin-ba
Trust me on this one. Hah!11!
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:53
Now, redress my provost!!!
Certainly sir. Would you like the creamy Italian, the russian or honey mustard?
dim-witted badger said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:57
i don’t dance
blame the fucking pelicans
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:58
Damn, I should have said “honey dijon” which is great name for a French stripper.
justme said,
May 11, 2009 at 9:59
Ah, the Clinton legacy, I suppose.
Or maybe, “I supposit”, as it were.
M. Bouffant said,
May 11, 2009 at 10:07
Still my favorite Douchebags, after several yrs.
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 10:09
I swear to God that all I did was click on justme’s link “hall of douchebags” and on the right hand column was this link. http://www.nomorefishysmell.com
[CLICK ON THE LINK I DARES YA. ]
Damn You justme (shakes fist in air) damn you straight to hell!11!
bulbul said,
May 11, 2009 at 10:17
A reference to Jan Saudek and Mariska Hargitay plus a bunch of Rush Limbaugh jokes – this has got to be the bestest thread evah. And I’m not even halfway done!
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 10:31
How do you fit Rush Limbaugh in the the middle aisle seat on coach?
You can’t do it all at once, you have to make several trips.
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 10:34
The above was not a joke but a serious question.
also,
RESPOND TO MY POST.
Anna Nicole Sith said,
May 11, 2009 at 10:37
Now redress my coast!
Or, if not,
Cow! Ingest my roast!
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 11:02
Bovine cannibalism. Nicely done Anna.
Lesley said,
May 11, 2009 at 11:14
tried to think of a knock knock joke but I couldn’t come up with a punchline using doughy or pantload except “go away, my mother warned me about strangers like you”.
kiki said,
May 11, 2009 at 11:33
Your Post
Sadly, No!
1 Sadly Street
Teh Internets 94133
BREAKING NEWS said,
May 11, 2009 at 11:37
BREAKING AROO! MAN ON INTERNET DISLIKES MUSICAL GENRE!
Hold the presses and stop the front page.
Ted the Slacker said,
May 11, 2009 at 12:40
Essential Dough:
Biting humor is fine at events like this, so long as it’s humorous.
I like circular logic, so long as it’s circular. Otherwise it’s just logic, which central to my argument.
kiki said,
May 11, 2009 at 13:08
Biting humor is fine
Well, right-wing humour certainly bites.
Dijonah Gouldsberg said,
May 11, 2009 at 13:24
Whereas jokes about teleprompters pseudo-elitist French mustard are funny per se, which is central to my point.
El Cid said,
May 11, 2009 at 13:33
Ha! Now those are jokes, like that awesomely hilarious CBS golf show host having everyone rolling in the aisles talking about how an American soldier on an elevator with Nancy Pelosi would shoot her. Har har har! Now that’s funny!!!
Ted the Slacker said,
May 11, 2009 at 13:49
More Essential Dough:
“Sykes’s schtick was a cliche wrapped in a lefty talking point. [...]Colbert’s performance [...] went too far the other way.”
What is “the other way”… Innovative comedy wrapped in a wing-nut bumper-sticker? And how the fuck do you take something like this “too far”?
Smut Clyde said,
May 11, 2009 at 13:50
Bacon vodka.
I remain unconvinced.
Gary Ruppert said,
May 11, 2009 at 14:06
The fact is, follow my tweets.
Gary Ruppert said,
May 11, 2009 at 14:09
The fact is, none of you liberals have addressed the argument i put forth, that Obsama is a terrorist and hates America. No wonder reasonable people will not engage with you.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 11, 2009 at 14:10
You’re a tough customer, SC.
Ted the Slacker said,
May 11, 2009 at 14:16
Smut Clyde said,
Bacon vodka.
I remain unconvinced.
I dunno… if you have no hang-ups about fleecing the fighting keyboarders, I can see a niche for this product.
I mean, if your life’s purpose is getting drunk and maturbatory rebellion against the mooslem hoardes, bacon vodka is one helluva twofer.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 11, 2009 at 14:19
Vodka bacon might be better…
The Fool said,
May 11, 2009 at 15:07
Badgers?
I love badgers! Badgers are symbols of applause for The Fool’s witticisms.
Thank you, stoopid punk bitchiz! More badgers, please.
The Fool said,
May 11, 2009 at 15:18
Hall of Douchebags is hilarious, especially this one:
http://www.rockandrollconfidential.com/hall/hall_detail.php?dd_keyid=69
Bag of Dicks Nixon said,
May 11, 2009 at 15:30
Sock it to my? post!
Bag of Dicks Nixon said,
May 11, 2009 at 15:32
FAIL.
MzNicky said,
May 11, 2009 at 16:48
owlbear: I hope you don’t mind, but I just copied and emailed your Q&A @4:25 to about five people I know who will appreciate it as much as I did.
Brandi said,
May 11, 2009 at 18:28
I don’t believe the statement you quoted implies that SN would supply the aforementioned bag o’ dicks.
And yet you do. Every. Goddamn. Time.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
May 11, 2009 at 18:37
This meant that everyone had to congregate indoors which turned the place into a steam bath.
For someone of Pantload’s physiognomy, a walk-in freezer is a “steam bath”.
As for bacon vodka, count me in for a bacotini, cracked black pepper on the rim of the glass.
tigrismus said,
May 11, 2009 at 18:56
Bacon vodka! Now I can start drinking breakfast, too.
I wanted to make a kidney joke featuring a Nephrology figure a la the Phrenology Head, but the thought of someone palpating Rush’s kidney bumps nauseated.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
May 11, 2009 at 20:03
I wanted to make a kidney joke…
Nephritis was never queen of Egypt.
gocart mozart said,
May 11, 2009 at 20:04
My doctor said I need a healthier diet. Is their a broccoli and spinach vodka in the works?
actor212 said,
May 11, 2009 at 20:30
I wanted to make a kidney joke…
Nephritis was never queen of Egypt.
No, but her nephrew was.
jon beker said,
June 4, 2009 at 2:16
Wanda Sykes is so GAY. And is a dog!!!!!!!!