6
Butt Missile Launches, Explodes, Covers Cheeks With Third Degree Burns
You have to imagine that a partners meeting at Faegre and Benson, where John “Butt Missile” Hinderaker is a partner, must be attended by as many seeing-eye dogs as partners. Otherwise how on earth have none of them noticed Hinderaker sauntering around the office in floppy clown shoes and a polka-dot blazer, squeezing a whoopee cushion and squirting all the secretaries with his gag lapel flower? How else to explain why the law firm hasn’t suggested to Hinderaker that he might be better suited working at a law firm that trolls late night cable with ads desperately seeking car crash plaintiffs?
I mean Hinderaker’s partners couldn’t possibly have read this post:
Barack Obama’s lawless conduct in connection with the Chrysler bankruptcy is sending shock waves through the business community. Obama has tried to bully … Chrysler’s non-TARP secured creditors … into giving up their legal rights by threatening to use the powers of the White House to damage their businesses. This sort of lawlessness is common in some of the more corrupt Third World countries, but it is brand new to the United States.
That’s quite a charge and it must absolutely be true since Hinderaker sources it from a website with the authoritative-sounding name “The Business Insider.” Or not. The Business Insider is run by one Henry Blodget whose claim to business-insiderhood was severely limited by the S.E.C order that barred him from the securities industry for life and fined him $4 million for securities fraud.
If you’re going to take your reputation and give it a non-flushing swirlie in an outhouse hole by sourcing from a business “news” website run by a con man, it really is imperative that the website at least says what you claim it says. In fact, the article in question doesn’t say that Obama threatened to damage business of the bond holders, but merely that he “harshly castigated” them for not agreeing to renegotiate the bonds.
Worse, Hinderaker’s more-than-suspect source doesn’t even come close to supporting Hinderaker’s charge that Obama’s actions here are the sort of “lawlessness [that] is common in some of the more corrupt Third World countries.” Now, I may not be a Time Blogger of the Year, but I have read Title 18 of the United States Code, which is where you’ll find all federal crimes, and the crime of “harshly castigating” can’t be found anywhere in there. After all if “harsh castigation” were a crime, wouldn’t Dick Cheney now be serving several consecutive life sentences?
Mike D said,
May 6, 2009 at 14:48
Dick castigation?
El Cid said,
May 6, 2009 at 14:49
I bet Obama made them eat spicy brown mustard, too. Soon our executives are going to pick up their toys and move to somewhere where no one will harass them or complain when they run their companies and pensions and investors and the U.S. taxpayers into the ground by gaming the system so as to get returns and bonuses as quickly and grandly as possible. Somewhere, like, um, Somalia, or the, um, Cayman Islands, or maybe Panama. Then you’ll be sorry. They’re going to gather up their clothes and favorite toys and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and put them in their bookbag and go, and then you’ll be sorry.
Michael G said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:04
Hinderaker’s butt missile was so bad that my cat rolled over on the keyboard to avoid it, and my browser jumped to a story about Pastor Swank. That’s right: to save my life, the cat navigated me to Swank to avoid Hinderaker crazy. That’s where you are, John. Below the Swank-master P. on the sanity chart.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:05
arack Obama’s lawless conduct in connection with the Chrysler bankruptcy is sending shock waves through the business community. Obama has tried to bully … Chrysler’s non-TARP secured creditors …
Would the business community in question consist of vulture funds who have overplayed their hands in seeking to make a killing off of Chrysler’s problems?
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:07
After all if “harsh castigation” were a crime, wouldn’t Dick Cheney now be serving several consecutive life sentences?
ah…. *smile*
What? I was just enjoying the image.
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:11
BTW, I SO don’t want to know what’s going on in that picture.
g said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:17
Those shorts are a crime against nature.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:18
What an elitist effeminate sissy!
Galt's Gulch Water Board said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:25
Good lord, what’s next from this lawless administration? Stern talkings-to?
Ted the Slacker said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:26
by threatening to use the powers of the White House to damage their businesses
Clearly, under Commander Codpiece, these would have been inherent powers fully protected by the Consitution as part of the President’s inherent authority.
But now, not so much. It’s almost like Obama’s got 3/5s the authority of his predecessor.
g said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:28
Good lord, what’s next from this lawless administration? Stern talkings-to?
sharply worded letters.
PopeRatzo said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:33
See? It’s all about the pictures of these guys. Even without the humorous photoshopping (I think that one’s photoshopped), you can tell a lot about these guys from their pictures.
The Tragically Flip said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:34
Maybe this explains the Democrats’ penchant for sternly worded letters, they’ve been conditioned to believe that conservatives are really upset by that sort of thing, and take it very seriously.
Chris said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:37
You assume that Assrocket’s partners are any less sociopathic than he is. I have an uncle who is a very highly paid corporate lawyer, and he spouts just this kind of bullshit regularly. Hinderaker is just the visible part of a worldview that infects almost completely the business elite in this country.
g said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:41
Well, it’s true that now there’s a Uppitty Negro Democrat in the White House, the Republicans are now recoiling in dread from mild criticism, hoarding their guns and sheltering their wealth overseas in preparation for lives in exile. So perhaps now a “sternly worded letter” would have some impact.
cowalker said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:46
Has he called them a “nexus of evil” yet?
Thomas said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:50
Honestly, I’m impressed that such money grubbing righties even know what the word “castigate” means.
henry lewis said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:52
sharply worded letters.
Please, not the withering glare!
J Neo Marvin said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:53
BTW, I SO don’t want to know what’s going on in that picture.
Evidence that swirlies were another common interrogation technique at Gitmo?
Galt's Gulch Water Board said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:53
The Rethugs have the memory capacity of a dead gnat.
http://www.historycentral.com/documents/jfksteel.html
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 15:59
Heaven forfend that businesses be lectured from the bully pulpit the way we liberals were for opposing unjust wars!
My goodness! It might give CEOs the vapors and they’ll need to buy fainting couches with our bailout funds!
MY FUCKING GOD, HINDORKETTE! GO READ ABOUT HARRY TRUMAN AND THE RAILROADS! GO READ ABOUT THE STEEL AND COAL INDUSTRIES!
That’s using the power of the White House and YOU probably loved it!
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 16:00
Good lord, what’s next from this lawless administration? Stern talkings-to?
Strongly worded letters to the WaPo editor.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 16:01
Argh, sorry, g, for stepping on your joke.
g said,
May 6, 2009 at 16:04
The more the merrier.
henry lewis said,
May 6, 2009 at 16:06
BTW, I SO don’t want to know what’s going on in that picture.
What? You’ve never dropped your copy of Monster Trucks Today down the hole?
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 16:12
That picture…it looks like a toe job only in some bizarre reverse cowgirl position.
The sneakers and grey socks make it sexay.
d said,
May 6, 2009 at 16:31
i can’t believe nobody’s noticed that the dude’s name is clifford s. asness. it’s just sitting there begging to be taken advantage of.
for example,
your assness
or the third-person alternative, his assness
WhereWolf said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:03
OT: Bob Owens is now on Twitter as “ConfederateYank”:
http://twitter.com/confederateyank/
Please please please can the SadlyNaughts start a Twitter account named “ConfederateWank”?
That is all.
Michael G said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:10
This whole bankruptcy thing just shows how the politics are fucked. The R’s like Hindy can’t complain about the bailout; they’re in favor of it. But they hate that the union got anything out of it, despite being one of the major creditors of Chrysler. It’s part of how their new finger-wagging lecture tour will suck: the base is upset the government is intervening in a bankruptcy case, but the leadership is trying to refocus the mob on the union.
And maybe worse, I don’t know what good can come out of Chrysler. Their leadership ran the company into the ground. It’d be better for the parts to be sold at auction and new folks to try a new car company that isn’t so lousy.
Nom de Plume said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:16
That picture of the Rectocet better not stay up there for too long.
owlbear1 said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:27
Obama has tried to bully … Chrysler’s non-TARP secured creditors … into giving up their legal rights by threatening to use the powers of the White House to damage their businesses.
Biblical* observation Hindy.
*Pulled out of one’s ass and sung as a gospel.
Brian X said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:32
Thomas:
They’re only pretending. They’re actually saving that word up for a scandal in which Obama injures himself playing basketball.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:34
the base is upset the government is intervening in a bankruptcy case, but the leadership is trying to refocus the mob on the union.
True enough, but they did just manage to get ten billion angry people to march in the streets because they were getting a tax cut and their millionaire bosses weren’t, so who knows what they’ll be able to stir up with this.
Michael G said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:45
@Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
Yeah, that’s what is so crazy about it. Some one I was reading called it “Peasant Syndrome”, where the peons aren’t upset at the lord, but instead at the Crimean Tartars who has bubkis to do with their problems.
What I’m driving at is that I don’t really like the moderate, centrist approach. I wish there was some more radical medicine.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
May 6, 2009 at 17:55
Some one I was reading called it “Peasant Syndrome”
I think that was Matt Taibbi.
What I’m driving at is that I don’t really like the moderate, centrist approach. I wish there was some more radical medicine.
Agreed. At the moment, though, genuine centrist moderation is radical, compared to the radical rightiness we’ve been soaking in. I’d like it to swing a lot further left but this is a start.
LittlePig said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:01
BTW, I SO don’t want to know what’s going on in that picture.
Corn is recyclable!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:03
The more the merrier.
Sternly-worded letters?
itwasntme said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:05
Hindraker can’t live fully without some panic every day to stimulate his adrenals.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:07
Shouldn’t Butt-Rocket be doing something else besides blogging, like maybe some legal work that his firm could actually bill for?
I hear law firms are big on the whole billable hours thing.
Dan said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:11
To be fair, “The Business Insider” does not have a tense.
Arky4That1 said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:14
Oh, noes! Obama might even use … sarcasm!!
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:28
Oh, noes! Obama might even use … sarcasm!!
Worse yet… SATIRE! *OMFG*
He’s one of the Pirhana Brothers, he is.
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:28
Horrors! He’ll dictate that they remove the yellow mustard from cafeterai and serve Dijon!!ONE!1
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:29
Corn is recyclable!
HINDY HAZ CORM – DO NOT WANT
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:29
The cafeteria too. As well. And such as.
SomeNYGuy said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:35
I’d like to see some sharply-lettered words on the subject.
Galt's Gulch Water Board said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:38
Oh, noes! Obama might even use … sarcasm!!
Worse yet… SATIRE! *OMFG*
Or even… earnest appeals to one’s sense of decency for the sake of the greater good? Yes? Uh hunh?
Pfft. Who’m I kiddin’.
g said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:42
Why is no one doing a story on Obama’s disrespectful smear of our beloved yellow American mustard?
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:43
Why do I even bother?
Obama: [the hedge funds are] “refusing to sacrifice like everyone else” [and want] “to hold out for the prospect of an unjustified taxpayer-funded bailout.”
The essence of Assness, Clifford:
The really sad thing is, not one of his readers will understand the st00pididity/deception.
tigrismus said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:43
If Obama cocks* his eyebrow there will be mass suicides on the right. I shudder to think what holocaust of horrors an arms-akimbo tongue-clucking would bring about.
*indeed.
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:45
our beloved yellow American mustard
AH YEH FRICKIN COMMIE
Ever wonder why mustard is yellow? Eh? Yellow, the color of COWARDICE!?!
AND the most popular brand is *drumroll* FRENCH’S???
ah smellz conpircy
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:45
I should mention that the above was entirely in the context of the taxpayer funded bailout of Chysler the hedge funds were hoping to get in on.
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:47
The DHS should write a report on the left wing terrorists’ use of body language.
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:48
Find me a hedge fund that has been bailed out.
Um, wasn’t there indeed one a few years back?
And let’s not mention the Savings & Loan bailout, nosirree, that was years ago after all.
Bitter Scribe said,
May 6, 2009 at 18:56
So they’re trying to make mutual and hedge fund managers into victims. Good luck with that.
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:00
Also, YAY MAINE!
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:06
Obama sicced his anonymous internet minions on the hedge funds:
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/05/chrysler_hedge_funds_denied_motion_for_protection.php
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:06
An where does this boy Obama get the idea that he’s allowed to call the shots. Sure he’s sitting atop the US Gov’t, but it’s not like the US Gov’t has any skin in the game.
Joshua said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:21
After all if “harsh castigation” were a crime, wouldn’t Dick Cheney now be serving several consecutive life sentences?
No.
He’s a Republican, you see.
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:23
Wrongly-lorded stetter.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:25
Strangely larded wetter?
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:30
Am I the only one that keeps reading that as castration?
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:31
Whither Dijonnaise?
Steerpike said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:32
Now that would be harsh…
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:32
May I suggest, DKW, longly sworded Trevor?
Not one PENIS so far in this thread!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:34
The PENIS is in my strangle worsted leather. I don’t want it to be harshly castigated again.
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:39
From MSNBC.com:
Bristol’s cause
Palin tells teens to ‘learn from my example’
Yeah, “get knocked up by your dirtbag boyfreind and you too can become nationally famous!”
That’s nice, dear. Now shut the hell up and go away.
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:42
Michael Savage is the new Churchill.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:46
Find me a hedge fund that has been bailed out. Find me a hedge fund, even a failed one, that has asked for one.
First, someone ought to remind Asswipeness that Long Term Capital Management was bailed out under the auspices of the Fed, so there is precedence.
Second, someone ought to point out that part of the bank trouble that created the bailouts was banks opened up their own hedge funds.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:47
Strangely larded wetter?
Weirdly lasted setter
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:48
He’s one of the Pirhana Brothers, he is.
‘E nailed me head to the table, e’ did!
‘E’s a cruel man, but fair.
Jay B. said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:49
And now a JUDGE is telling the hedge fund vultures where to to stick it. When will this lawlessness end?! When will the ultra-rich ever get their rainbow?
Pere Ubu said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:52
Weirdly lasted setter
Sidley wasted larder?
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:53
And now a JUDGE is telling the hedge fund vultures where to to stick it.
Judge Arthur Gonzalez.
Prolly a Messican illegal immigrant who took a judging job away from a white Amurican.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:53
Weirdly lasted setter
Lastly settled water.
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 19:58
The PENIS is in my strangle worsted leather.
So it’s sheathed, not merely veiled?
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:00
And now a JUDGE is telling the hedge fund vultures where to to stick it.
If we allow gay marriage then activist judges will be legislating from the bench where all manner of avian life may stick it, &c.; also murdered babies.
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:03
They’re FORCING IT DOWN OUR THROATS!
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:04
They’re FORCING IT DOWN OUR THROATS!
I never get invited to the cool parties.
N__B said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:07
BREAKING NEWS! Obama napalms Cheltenham.
PeeJ said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:09
I know it’s a stretch but, Sarongly torporous leader.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:18
I know it’s a stretch but, Sarongly torporous leader.
You’re right: leader is a stretch.
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:19
They’re FORCING IT DOWN OUR THROATS!
In a move that Hindy refers to in his post as the “Chrysler cram-down.”
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:24
In a move that Hindy refers to in his post as the “Chrysler cram-down.”
I thought this was the cock chug?
OneMan said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:45
Lastly settled water.
gnarly ordered sweater.
Rusty Shackleford said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:49
Actor, the Urban Dictionary link wasn’t really necessary for that one.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 20:50
Netiquette is hard werk!
Brian X said,
May 6, 2009 at 21:23
PeeJ:
Please no. I have chronic acid reflux and can’t swallow cum.
PeorgieTirebiter said,
May 6, 2009 at 21:25
There I was, sittin’ at me desk, when Barrack O’Bama walks into me office with a thermo-nuclear device on his shoulder, sayin’ I ‘ad bought Chrysler and would I please pay fer it.
Southern Beale said,
May 6, 2009 at 21:29
Not to mention that this allegation has already been proved as false and completely cooked up by a right wing hedge fund manager, but reported by ABC’s Jake Tapper nonetheless. And now Tom Lauria ain’t talking.
Funny. Oh well, mission accomplished.
Smut Clyde said,
May 6, 2009 at 21:57
Obama: [the hedge funds are] “refusing to sacrifice like everyone else” [and want] “to hold out for the prospect of an unjustified taxpayer-funded bailout.”
The essence of Assness, Clifford:
[...] the President screaming that the hedge funds are looking for an unjustified taxpayer-funded bailout is the big lie writ large.
You mean that a blogger has taken Obama’s assertion that hedge funds are hoping for a bailout of Chrysler from which they would profit, and deliberately misunderstood that as an assertion that the funds are hoping to be bailed out directly?
Despicable. I hope I never stoop to misinterpreting someone’s words for comic effect.
Smut Clyde said,
May 6, 2009 at 22:47
an arms-akimbo tongue-clucking
“Akimbo” is one of my favourite words, on account of rhyming not only with ‘limbo’,* but also with Rimbeau. Limerick hilarity ensues.
Any attempts to rhyme it with ‘Bimbo’ will result in a sharply-worded letter of complaint from Bimler Research Laboratories.
* Cf. Van der Graaf Generator lyrics.
actor212 said,
May 6, 2009 at 23:20
Any attempts to rhyme it with ‘Bimbo’ will result in a sharply-worded letter of complaint from Bimler Research Laboratories.
Even if we mean the Italian cookie company?
http://www.bimbobakeriesusa.com/
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
May 6, 2009 at 23:34
Even if we mean the Italian cookie company?
How about that – I thought that was a Mexican thing, because I first encountered their products on a trip to Mexico in 1997. Now they’re pretty well represented up here in Utah and I see a few of their goods for sale, under the Bimbo brand, in the 7-11s.
The people in Mexico must have thought I was a lunatic for standing around pointing and laughing at loaves of bread labeled “Bimbo Grande”.
crickets said,
May 6, 2009 at 23:54
http://www.bimbobakeriesusa.com/
Please, do check out “Mrs. Baird’s 8 Buns”.