Apr
28
28
Pericles Shrugged
Victor Davis Hanson, NRO:
Damnation of Memory: Persecuting his predecessors, Obama would establish a poisonous precedent.
- When a party enters power and attempts to investigate…excuse me, let me put these goalposts over here, thank you.
- Um, when a party won’t even play fair by conducting its baseless investigations while its adversaries are in power, then how can they expect…excuse me, one moment, let me slide them over this way, sorry, thanks.
- So. Did these people try to prosecute their rivals after their rivals did not break laws? No? Well in that case, how would you like it if we prosecuted Obama for killing two Somali pirates without reading them their Miranda rights? Because it…oh, hang on.
- It was, ooh, bad enough with the infamous political lynching of Scooter Libby in the absence of any crime, but America does not erase purged officials from its photographs like Stalin did, because that’s how the U.N. will get you! Yes! They will smell blood like sharks, and…
- Alas! Alas, society will be weakened by our endless cycle of revenge against you. Heh-heh. Because we have no principles — I mean because you don’t, so why should we have any? Because you made us not have any, like how all of you supported the war in Iraq until the insurgency began, and then you made up some crazy lie about “ooh, it was all Bush’s idea,” and how there were no quote-unquote “WMDs,” because…aw crap, wait.
- Because in 2003, Bush had saved America from terror. Yes. And then you partisan streetfighters were feeling pretty good, huh? Because I guess then you felt pretty big, huh? Because then you started to attack your deliverer for quote-unquote “wiretaps” and so-called “torture” ooh, ooh, rrr! That’s what you thought you’d do. Snorgle-horgle-haggle-hoob…ah, excuse me, I’ll be back in one second, thanks.
- Hi, thanks, and that’s…and that’s why you’ll be all “ho-hum” when the terrorists come back and attack and kill, unless, no wait.
- You’ll hate Obama then, when the terrorists come back. Oh boy will you hate Obama. And you’ll want to prosecute him then, ha ha! That’s what you’ll want to do. Prosecute Obama! Opposite!
- Not so sure of yourselves now, huh? It’s like I’ve been saying all along, isn’t it? Huh? Isn’t it? Oh, I feel the frost of winter. [smiles thinly, sweeps cloak about himself in a grandiose flourish, exits as though on treads to a single note on a kettle drum]
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
D said,
April 28, 2009 at 5:53
Am I really gonna be first?
Jennifer said,
April 28, 2009 at 5:54
Remind me sometime to post the entire back-and-forth email exchange I had with VD Hanson’s assistant, who is like interning for idiocy or something.
Righteous Bubba said,
April 28, 2009 at 5:55
I remind you.
M. Bouffant said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:01
exits as though on treads
VD fucking wishes. Or is it that Perfesser fellow who wants to be a robot?
No, he wants to be a sex robot, VD wants to be a tank. OK.
Wunderkind said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:06
VD’s article is two pages? Fu-huh-gettit. I can barely read one paragraph of that clapped-out, smelly old geriatric’s blither.
Joe Max said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:12
I love the smell of wingnut’s flop-sweat and fear in the morning.
It smells like… irrelevancy.
classicist? said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:12
Who is this guy anyway? I read he was a classicist(?) awhile ago. No way.
This is like Herodotus making his shit up dead drunk on the fly, starting to barf on himself and falling off the bar stool while tries to figure out where all the piss on his leg is coming from. That is not the Herodotus I remember, he made stuff up with skill and dash and told all the good tall tales he done heard with flair.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:14
They have to keep moving the goalposts to make room for all the straw men.
g said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:14
Shorter VD Hanson – “Obama wants to prosecute the Bush administration for CRIMES they committed!! The audacity!”
pedestrian said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:19
If we start prosecuting leaders for war crimes now, we are going to have to prosecute every leader for every tiny little war crime they commit. In the future, some might not even commit war crimes because they are so g-d afraid of prosecution!
Is that the world you libs want to live in? Well IS it? I ask you.
Agi said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:36
But he was the historical consultant for the most awesome film ever – 300 – so he must be right.
parsec said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:43
Thucydides wept.
krassen said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:46
“The Romans called this practice damnatio memoriae, “damnation of memory,” in which the new emperor, to prove that he had “reset” the government, … simply erased the memory of the prior ruler”
I find your ideas interesting and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Of particular interest would be any information on how the Romans erased the memory of the prior vice-ruler, and the prior ruler’s senior political adviser, when they kept appearing on the Roman Fox News…
gocart mozart said,
April 28, 2009 at 6:47
“mmm bop” was a decent bubble gum pop song though, I’ll give him that.
Snorghagen said,
April 28, 2009 at 7:09
Of course he is! Just look at all the splendid wordificating he’s capable of…
embark on something nefarious… an unseemly ploy… the odious vigilantes… abject expediency… braggadocio… the recrudescence of partisanship
Fuck with VD Hanson and he’ll whoop you upside the head with a big stinkin’ glob of nefarious recrudescence.
Wyatt Watts III said,
April 28, 2009 at 7:11
Dammit, if you’re gonna be all alliterative, a**hole, you have to go all the way:
it should be “promotes,” M*****f**k*r, not “establish.” “Promotes!”
Persecuting his predecessors, Obama promotes a poisonous precedent.
Gaaaaah! Get it right!
Wyatt Watts III said,
April 28, 2009 at 7:17
Pinhead pundit publishes puling purple prose, provoking public parody.
Smut Clyde said,
April 28, 2009 at 7:19
Tortious Imperator Hanson is missing his lettuce!
Hoosier X said,
April 28, 2009 at 7:45
Can I eat lunch first?
D. Aristophanes said,
April 28, 2009 at 8:34
Ah fuck, I was about to post on this too … might do it anyway.
Higgs Boson said,
April 28, 2009 at 8:57
I always pictured it like a giant baboon’s ass-gong, but a kettle drum makes the same sound.
commie atheist said,
April 28, 2009 at 9:02
President Obama would not a want a putative President Palin to begin hearings on who ordered the targeted executions of two suspected Somali pirates, taken out in the middle of protracted negotiations.
President Palin?!? Wingnut dreams heap big dream. And yes, the shooting of two Somali pirates who had guns to the head of their hostage has generated so much outrage in America and the world. Riiiiiight.
The only constant is that those who are most loudly screaming for the heads of the Bush officials will be silent should the carnage return — or perhaps they will be the most vocal in allotting blame to the Obama administration, which listened to them. No doubt they will demand postfacto hearings on topics such as “Who let him out of Guantanamo?” as they chant, “Obama slept, we wept!”
Oh, I see what he did there. From “Bush Lied, People Died!” to “Obama slept, we wept!” Um, no. That really does not evoke quite the same visceral response. Protest chant fail.
Prospero said,
April 28, 2009 at 9:45
That’s “prosecuting”, not “persecuting”. But I guess wingnuts can’t figure the difference…
Chuck Butcher said,
April 28, 2009 at 9:51
Isn’t this the same bunch who keep bemoaning the coarseness of current society? I’m curious as to when it became somehow polite or even rational to condone torture. Nudity on TV or gayness is somehow more degenerate than tormenting a helpless human being totally within your power? This shit somehow lines up with their purported religiousity? Excuse me for being dubious.
a concerned citizen said,
April 28, 2009 at 10:03
If Palin did somehow manage to become president, I would not put this past her. I think we all know that even if it’s 16 or 32 years from now when it happens, the next time there’s a Republican majority, they’re gonna try Obama for something. It really doesn’t matter what. They never got over the OJ trial or the Clinton impeachment. Obama could be round 2 of both.
I like how killing two Somali pirates is equivalent to everything that Bush did in his 8 years that was even remotely questionable. I like how even killing 2 motherfucking pirates is questionable, if not actually an impeachable offense, when a Democrat does it. That about says it all.
But playing along with his premise that all the sins of Bush’s 8 years and two dead pirates *are* equivalent, I’m not sure why that doesn’t make him even more of a badass in VD’s eyes than Bush is.
Sorry, I’m being logical here. VD knows all about how those Greeks used to roll, and rightly sees logic for what it is: making buttsex with words. So of course he has no fear of going from “they might perhaps” to “they will no doubt” in one sentence without even stopping to consider whether he should share this little private fantasy he’s launching into with the whole class. I forget who said that when you read Faulkner, you can tell where he stopped to take a drink. But I get a similar feeling from reading this guy — you can actually read his pupils getting really big, his nipples becoming erect, the drool starting to roll down his chin, his jaw dropping into his O face as he starts thinking of Obama getting tried for something, anything. And good for him. That image is going to have to get him through a lot of cold and lonely nights over the next 8 years. And also: he basically gets paid to masturbate for a living, as long as he does it to a thesaurus. Sorry, synonymy.
This all raises an important question: is anybody working on an “Obama on Trial” movie yet? Told from the apocalyptic future, where the Russians have taken over several rural American towns, or, apparently some kind of retardo-bomb has gone off or something, so people chant things that don’t actually scan rhythmically, recalling some future thing (but in the past for them) where everybody was crying and Obama was like, fuck you, I’m taking my nap right now, etc. etc.
Isn’t it about time the people behind An American Carol made a drama? Ron Silver or Stephen Baldwin can play Obama in over-the-top blackface. And then everybody on Big Hollywood can bitch about it when people find it offensive, because people thought it was hilarious when Robert Downey Jr did it, and what is a drama but a comedy that doesn’t have very many jokes.
El Cid said,
April 28, 2009 at 10:04
Are there really that many pants-pissing Americans who were thinking that after 9/11/2001 there were going to be 24-hour a day terrorist attacks from 200 foot tall swarthy Mooozlims but somehow Bush Jr. KEPTUSAFE so we owe him some sort of fawning, dried tears, never changed our wet diapers, frightened admiration?
Another Kiwi said,
April 28, 2009 at 10:36
Tortious Imperator Hanson is missing his lettuce!
Decimus Tortious ex libiris Hanson says, “Where is my lettuce, Varus.”
Todd said,
April 28, 2009 at 11:08
VDH holds the wingnut record for most obviously incorrect things per sentence.
fluffybunnyfeet said,
April 28, 2009 at 13:32
“I find your ideas interesting and would like to subscribe to your newsletter”
I, on the other hand, find your lack of faith…disturbing.
{Slowly tightens invisible hand about total-waste-of-space’s-neck, until…)
Mmmm….
EXCELLENT snark, PLUS wonderful daydream. What more can one ask for in the morning?!
OK, OK, I LOVED the image of Herodotus falling off his barstool!
PopeRatzo said,
April 28, 2009 at 13:35
What’s funny is that VD Hanson’s “shorter” is till NINE bullet points long.
He do go on.
nationalplumbingcode said,
April 28, 2009 at 14:49
VD’s not as funny as today’s Ross Douthat column in the NYTimes. Douthat wants to go back in time and run Cheney as VP because, because, because we don’t know enough about torture and, hey, no matter what we learn we shouldn’t prosecute and nananananananah! So there.
Mr. Wonderful said,
April 28, 2009 at 17:08
Concerned Citizen–
Good points all, but NB: Ron Silver is no longer among us. He has joined the Choir Invisible. All the rest stands, though.
As for VDH’s “The only constant is that those who are most loudly screaming for the heads of the Bush officials will be silent should the carnage return — or perhaps they will be the most vocal…”
–this is all they have left: critiquing the FUTURE. Can’t look at the past (Bush X 8 years = nightmare), and can’t look at the present (Obama = popular), so they’re back up is against the wall. When it comes to stuff that hasn’t happened (and probably won’t happen) they can continue to speak and opine and denounce and fulminate and fume and declare and posture with impunity.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 28, 2009 at 17:28
That really does not evoke quite the same visceral response. Protest chant fail.
Well, it is from the same side of the aisle that thought “Coalition of the Wild-Eyed” was clever wordplay.
Not to mention “Porkulus”.
Palin said,
April 28, 2009 at 17:31
Who are you calling a “putative”?
Kip W said,
April 28, 2009 at 17:34
After the third bullet, the goal posts were traded for a soccer goal, then a basketball hoop, then a home plate, then a second base, then a set of bowling pins, then a miniature golf hole with Abe Lincoln opening and closing his legs slowly.
stogoe said,
April 28, 2009 at 17:39
I mean honestly, why do we as a civilization even care what decrepit old white bastards say any more? Why can’t we just let them yell at clouds in the sanitariam until they collapse and die from consumption or the gout or something? Why do we keep allowing ourselves to care about their fucking nonsense rambles?
Old White Men Are Completely Wrong About Everything.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 28, 2009 at 17:41
Who are you calling a “putative”?
Bwaaaa ha ha ha ha ha!
Perdone, señora.
tigrismus said,
April 28, 2009 at 18:03
Of particular interest would be any information on how the Romans erased the memory of the prior vice-ruler, and the prior ruler’s senior political adviser, when they kept appearing on the Roman Fox News…
But Vulpes Nova is always “Iusta et Pondera”!
roseyv said,
April 28, 2009 at 18:42
>Ron Silver or Stephen Baldwin can play Obama in over-the-top blackface
In Silver’s case, it would have to be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally black face these days.
Liz212 said,
April 28, 2009 at 20:35
Decimus Tortious ex libiris Hanson says, “Where is my lettuce, Varus.”
That totally made my day. Particularly because I’ve always thought that there was something especially Varus-like about the Bush administration. Also, I like how he leaves out the fact that damnatio memoriae was also used for well-known people who, you know, actually did bad stuff.
Snarla said,
April 28, 2009 at 23:14
Most likely it’ll turn out to be Bush, anyway. He did release over 400 of them.
Jason said,
April 29, 2009 at 2:15
Progressive prebuke: Putative Princess Palin pursued putrescent ploy, prepared poisonous Presidential pometini – Polynesians polled prefer purple poi
Simba B said,
May 2, 2009 at 18:11
My favorite reward from trolling or posting about winger bloggers is when they correct their typos. It’s a pretty good indication that they’ve read what you’ve written.