24
We’ve Never Been Too Good With Names1
‘Chicago Ray’ sounds like a bad idea for a pizza place,1 but he’s a good idea for a guy who yells at liberals on the Internet. Because where, you know, can you find an exceptional blargh of halitotic anger these days? Where can you experience that extra, supraordinary tweet-bird in orbit around the head — one, even, with a tiny tweet-bird of crazy buzzing around its own head?
I mean rhetorically, and not in the absolute sense, but graded on the curve; because all the right-bloggers have stampeded to the extreme, Bircher-ridden edge of Gumdrop Gulch, and have dug in there beclouded, as it were, with orbital finches, yelling at the sun, wearing Big Bird suits and dancing pow-wow style in circles around one another. Blowing the curve flat, in other words.
But like such greats as Adam Yoshida and Pastor Swank, Chicago Ray has what you’d call a natural potential for greatness. By this I mean that he’s not only out of his mind with misdirected anger, but also dumber than a basket of wet socks.
This line has to contain the name ‘Cleveland Sanchez,’ because it said that here before, and there’s already a footnote for it. Welp, let’s see what’s cooking with ol’ Rusty Tromblurpy:2
Chicago Ray:
Napolitano gets "stupider" and "stupider" Each Passing Moment, Time For Her To GoHow this woman got to be a governor much less in charge of the security of the entire United States is anyone’s guess but certainly this has to be the most incredibly stupid cabinet appointments of all times as she is getting roundly bitch slapped from the right wing extremists like myself for comparing the Canadian Border to the Mexican border falsely claiming and insisting 911 hijackers came through Canada…..
Welp, let’s try to take these points one by one.
How this woman got to be a governor much less in charge of the security of the entire United States is anyone’s guess
Oh God, how are we going to guess? If it’s anyone’s guess, that means no one’s guess is better than anybody else’s, and the…
[zeerp] Hello, dum-dums.
Um, greetings, Great Gazoogle. We were wondering how…
Well, dum-dums, after Concrete Blonde broke up, Napolitano tried to do a Natalie Merchant sort of thing, but to no great avail, and long story short, she frumped out into a sensible-shoe lesbian. They say politics is like show business for women with realistic physiques, and true to form, she decided to stay in the biz.
Well that’s great, uh, Great Gazoogle, but we’d really like to know how she became…
Tsk, it must be hard to be you, here in 2012 with a metastasizing hepatocarcinom-oops. Heh, I so did not just say that. Hee.
The…
Oh, several, yes, things happened to Napolitano over the next several years, until she would up facing laughing-boy Matt Salmon, a two-term congressman of Holy Underwear persuasion, in the 2002 Arizona gubernatorial. It was an uphill swim for salmon, in which he blew his whole wad before perishing. A lobbyist before, after, and during the election, the cat got his tongue, and he was in quite a pickle and had to go through some red tape. He now works as a beach comber.
So I “guess” it isn’t “anyone guess” after all, is it?
As you frequently force us to conclude, Great Gazoogle, a wide world of knowledge is ours through the magic of reading. Say, would the…? Rats, he’s gone.
but certainly this has to be the most incredibly stupid cabinet appointments of all times as she is getting roundly bitch slapped from the right wing extremists like myself
Oh right, that.
Enh… Enh… Ennn[POP]. WTF im doin it wrongn
for comparing the Canadian Border to the Mexican border falsely claiming and insisting 911 hijackers came through Canada
Ah, we’ve seen this one before. Napolitano Blames Canada for 9/11. Wow, this isn’t so hard after all. Enh!
FOX News:
Napolitano Riles Canadians By Suggesting 9/11 Terrorists Crossed Their Border[...]
“Yes, Canada is not Mexico, it doesn’t have a drug war going on, it didn’t have 6,000 homicides that were drug-related last year,” [Napolitano] said. “Nonetheless, to the extent that terrorists have come into our country or suspected or known terrorists have entered our country across a border, it’s been across the Canadian border. There are real issues there.”
CTV reported that Napolitano was asked if she was referring to the Sept. 11 hijackers. She said: “Not just those but others as well.”
Michael Wilson, Canada’s ambassador in Washington said, “Unfortunately, misconceptions arise on something as fundamental as where the 9/11 terrorists came from.”
Napolitano later clarified that there have been other instances in which suspected terrorists have tried to cross the Canadian border into the United States.
So basically what she was trying to say was that she is tightening border security with Canada because there’s a history of terrorists entering the US from Canada rather than Mexico. Which is true. But then she…what, implied that she disagreed with, or was unaware of, the 9/11 Commission finding that the 9/11 hijackers did not come through Canada, despite earlier reports? And all the wingnuts are screaming because Canada is upset?
OMG what a bitch!
No wait, they hate Canada. Even the Canadian ones hate Canada. There must be some context missing here.
Oh, right.
Roll Call:
Conservatives Call on Napolitano to Resign[...]
”Singling out political opponents for working against the ruling party is precisely the tactic of every tyrannical government from Red China to Venezuela,” [John Carter (R-TX)] said in a prepared statement.
The conservatives were responding to a report released by the Department of Homeland Security on April 14 that warned of the dangers of attacks by right-wing extremists who will “attempt to recruit and radicalize returning veterans in order to exploit their skills and knowledge derived from military training and combat.”
Republicans at first expressed outrage at the report for characterizing soldiers returning home as potential threats.
“The first step in the process is creating unfounded public suspicion of political opponents, followed by arresting and jailing any who continue speaking against the regime,” Carter said Wednesday
By the way, we Googleded, and that “Napalitano later clarified” thing has been butchered. Perhaps it was to save space. FOX seems to have more space available today, and we always have plenty of boldface:
FOX News:
Napolitano Draws Resignation Calls After Gaffes on Veterans, Canada“I know that the September 11th hijackers did not come through Canada to the United States. There are other instances, however, when suspected terrorists have attempted to enter our country from Canada to the United States.”
Also, there’s this, from April, 2006
The Vancouver Sun:
Canada a ‘haven’ for terrorists, U.S. says
But Iraq isn’t, according to the State Department’s annual reportWASHINGTON — The U.S. on Friday said Canada has become a “safe haven” for Islamic terrorists who exploit lax immigration laws and weak counterterrorism enforcement to raise money and plan attacks.
In its annual Country Report on Terrorism, the State Department expressed growing concern about the presence of “numerous” terror plotters in the country, and said political fallout from the Maher Arar case continues to hamper information-sharing between Canadian and U.S. intelligence agencies.
“Terrorists have capitalized on liberal Canadian immigration and asylum policies to enjoy safe haven, raise funds, arrange logistical support and plan terrorist attacks,” the report said.
Apparently, the Obama administration has been misusing the technology from our Saucer Brothers, going out to the Gravity Propulsion Lab in Roswell, AZ,4 and traveling backward in time to issue these reports retroactively. Ha ha, impossible. Because how would they get the paperwork past the circa-2006 Governor of Arizoh my God…
I for one would like to join other bloggers in extending my
Right, that would be Ray again.
I for one would like to join other bloggers in extending my apologies To Canadians for this brainless Homeland bumbler and monumental screw up on her behalf and exclaim that not a one single thinking person in this country blames our northern border friends for anything going on with 911 of coarse and unequivocally nothing to do with the brutal illegal immigration problems this country faces whatsoever from our seive of a border along Napolitano’s home state of Arizona which must be enjoying her respite from the state.
The sincerity is just dripping here like an appropriate simile, or on the other hand like someone nailed a meatball sub over the couch.
So basically, the American wingnuts are arguing that the US should forget about past terrorist attacks, and are doing what they used to call ‘selling out America’ in backing a foreign country against their own elected government. Meanwhile, as we saw, their Canadian counterparts are all about how their country is a haven for Islamic jihadis.
Don’t trust them, Canada! They’re not really your friends!
2 This would be a natural endpoint of the Ray’s Pizza progression, which began slowly with the rise in the early 1960s of two unrelated Ray’s Pizza establishments, and moved quickeningly through a post-structuralist phase, in the 1970s and ’80s, of unstable and multiply-valent Famous Ray’s, Original Ray’s, Ray’s, and Famous Original Ray’s pizzerias, in numbers and configurations unknown and in a sense unknowable. It then slipped suddenly into postmodern self-reference with Not Ray’s.
After Chicago Ray’s, which must suck, and must be a chain with no bread and unlimited breadsticks — and must offer repurposed breadsticks with pizza stuff (i.e. “topping”) inside them, and some kind of calzone remarketed as a “pizza pocket” or “our famous inside-out pizza,” and just as vitally must cornucopiate with dishes in the spirit of the rollatini, Olive Garden’s newly adopted stuffed-tube entrée whose chief distinction among pasta tubes with fillings is a zestily Italianate name pre-branded for the everything’s-a-freaking-roll-up, everything’s-a-freaking-martini crowd — after that, all that remain are concepts like Mexican Ray’s Pizza Olé, or a Ray’s Chee-z Pizza with carnival games and giant Animatronic mice, and that is strictly après la déluge, moi, if you know what I mean. Once it’s kitsch, its merely kitsch, and holds the promise of fun.
3 A theoretical combination of the Cleveland Steamer and the Dirty Sanchez (cf.), although ‘theoretical’ in this Internet age means that if I thought of it, some worse person probably thought of it a long time ago.
So idea: If, theoretically, somebody wanted to make the biggest-selling porn video of all time, they could itemize the comedy sex practices that everyone always talks about, and film them actually being done. Has anybody ever actually seen a Blurpy? A Rusty Trombone? Every frat house in America would order a copy. That’s like several hundred copies. Also, if you make this, I don’t want one.
4 Roswell is of course in New Mexico.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:40
Gavin, did you ever worry that S,N! would have to go out of business after Obama won the elections (decisively)?
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:47
Why, of COURSE we have no problems with our good neighbors to the North. After all, they’re not all dark and Hispanicy and stuff. Except there’s those guys who all speak treasonous French, but they’re on the other side of the lake so they’d have to swim across and we’d have plenty of notice that they’re coming.
I mean how crazy it is of us lefties to accuse dumbshits like Pizza Ray of racism just because they’re insanely obsessed with Mexicans.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:49
Also, Parkington Parker Gavin M.
(nickname is a noun and a verb)
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:49
Gav, m’friend. I recommend more, shorter posts. If that’s possible. See, it’s like it takes you so long to put together these long, albeit fantastic posts, by the time a new one comes along we’re pretty much tapped out.
I mean, I was reduced to putting up my sauerbraten recipe in the last one fer chrissakes!
Righteous Bubba said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:53
Shush, you.
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:56
Gravity Propulsion Lab? Footnote 1? Me confused.
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:58
Fucking Canada appeasers!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:58
I have to agree with RB (as much as it pains me to do so).
Atrios puts up some fairly short posts.
Gavin is putting up the Cistern Chapel. Or something like that (I read about it in collage).
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 4:59
Shush, you.
Did you even read the recipe?
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:01
Gavin is putting up the Cistern Chapel.
Wherein one worships at the porcelain altar.
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:03
Gavin rocks.
Also, God is a bullet. Also.
Chet said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:07
there’s a history of terrorists entering the US from Canada rather than Mexico. Which is true
No, there isn’t.. There is only one example of a terrorist attempting to enter the US through Canada (the millennium bomber), and he was caught.
Sorry, this is an example of Napolitano getting it wrong.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:09
You mean honestly?
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:14
The real problem, of course, is that Napolitano is the jack booted thug sending shock troops out to take the guns off our innocent righties while making them gaybort a bunch of Muslims. This is True, because the DHS issued the study Bush Jr. asked for and which already put out the one on leftist extremists in January but since then that never existed and the DHS is hiding under the bed of everybody what questions Obama.
Righteous Bubba said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:15
No. Too long.
M. Bouffant said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:15
Uh, comments looking weird (no left margin) & hiding under sidebar.
Also, the Millennium (Attempted) Bomber is probably the only suspect caught w/ a trunkful of explosives, & inside the US (’cause of the ferry). I bet quite a few are refused entry from Canada.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:17
What about Ghazi Ibrahim Abu Mezer?
Ripley said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:19
I for one would like to join other bloggers in extending my apologies To Canadians for this brainless Homeland bumbler and monumental screw up on her behalf
He’s apologizing on her behalf? I thought he didn’t like her.
Also, STFU, dude. You’re an idiot.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:20
Man, what’s making that margin go all funny?
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:22
I thought businesses these days were trying to increase their margins.
Chet said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:22
What about Ghazi Ibrahim Abu Mezer?
You’re right, that’s two. But both of those were ten years ago or more, and there have been a lot of changes already at the border since then.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:22
Man, what’s making that margin go all funny?
Parkington Parker Gavin M.?
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:23
This is central to Chet’s point.
Chet said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:25
This is central to Chet’s point.
Dude. Comparing me to the Pantload is not called for.
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:27
I guess this is why it’s always better to use butters than artificial margins.
julia said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:28
Although the ur-Ray’s is, of course, on eleventh street.
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:29
That margin pun was simply not justified.
julia said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:30
The real Ray’s is, of course, on eleventh street.
What it sold was more a wobbly cheese pile than it was pizza, but they did get there first.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:33
Ehsanul Islam Sadequee or Mohammed Momin Khawaja?
Enraged Bull Limpet said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:34
I guess this is why it’s always better to use butters than artificial margins
¿Por qué? Please clarify, Jeeves.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:36
(I’m totally cheating, btw. It’s all from the report that’s linked in the post…)
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:40
It was just some plumb line I threw out.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:43
Also, Parkington Parker Gavin M.
Fail! Little Studebaker will be a much more active verb than “Park”.
He will be a hard-boiled young lad with a fondness for Mediterranean birds who calls a spade a spade and befriends people with infinite playlists.
For those of you who haven’t cottoned on already.
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:46
I love the visits from the Great Gazoogle.
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:46
It was just some plumb line I threw out.
Someone should really keep tabs on you.
Smut Clyde said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:47
Enough of the malt teasers.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:47
I was hoping you’d stick with Studebaker. We could have called him “Stud” for short.
Oh, well — another dream Dashed.
Cleveland Sanchez said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:48
Oh, I’ve been needing a new blog name.
Furmat said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:48
i fownd u a counter x-ample
but the margin overrote it.
Oregon Guy said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:51
I wanted to comment in the last thread but then it turned into a bullshit-fest…
Did anyone else notice that the USS San Diego sunk off FIRE ISLAND?
It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
henry lewis said,
April 24, 2009 at 5:56
This thing has a terrible beauty. Move over, Pastor Swank, make room for Chicago Ray in the wingnet pantheon.
And, yawn, but when has it ever been a country’s practice to check who’s leaving? The nineteen 911 dudes all managed to get past US Customs’ vaunted screening process. Shouldn’t scolds, wingnuts and cabinet secretaries STFU, stop pointing fingers and admit even the hyperest of vigilances can still be fallible? Now I gotta show a passport and a cracker in a uniform pokes a little more diligently through my stuff. That’s fine, I guess, because I always get in. Where my giblets really start to uproar is when the pimply rent-a-cop at the departure screening gate decides he needs to pat me down. For a Canadian domestic flight.
That’s when I say, “You all win, terrorists from terrorville.”
PS: No amount of vigilance, contrived or not, excuses what happened to Maher Arar (among others). Assholes on both sides of the border.
ron said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:03
gavin, the margins are all wacky because some how the div is closed before your last roswell footnote and somehow thats messing it all up.
wheres html mencken when you need him.
N.C. said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:04
That name is the name of kings and gentlemen, and I do not say this just because I have it myself.
That Girl said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:08
After each of Chet’s posts, I thought, “but didn’t you read the report at Gavin’s link?”
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:08
[fixing Div tag...]
Chet said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:14
I stand corrected.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:17
There might be another funny tag in there that’s fudging the margin, but it’s well hidden — and every time I go in, I find some typo or mistake that ought to have been fixed before the thing went up.
So maybe leaving things alone would be virtuous, right now…
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:20
Dashiell?
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:22
It’s true, yes!
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:22
C’mon ITTDGY. Everyone else came up with a good pun when they figured it out…
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:24
Did your father think of the baby’s name while shaving?
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:26
“the” father
D.N. Nation said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:27
Fixed.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:34
I’m pleading stupidity through excess workage. I got home after 9pm again, and I have to be at teh horrible place before 9am again.
I don’t even get to see what’s happening at S,N! during the day most days, unless I escape from work for lunch.
*sniff* *sob*
henry lewis said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:35
[takes a bow]
I remember enjoying this when I was a whippersnapper. I see it’s now available on DVD.
Did you know this is an amalgam of this and this?
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:35
Well, just so somebody can do it, I’d like to see Canadians extended to our apologies.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:36
It’s OK, ITTDGY. There may have been others who didn’t have time to mess around with my cheesy hints either. You’ve helped them out.
[hugs]
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:38
I did, henry lewis! I love that movie.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:39
Hanx, I needed a hug.
Nite nite, people!
laym said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:48
Apparently, I out-clevered myself by focusing in on one of Dr. Mrs.’s hints at the expense of the others.
But since I dug up the link already, this is how Nick got his name.
Now, it’s time for me to dangle.
Interrobang said,
April 24, 2009 at 6:49
On behalf of all Canadians everywhere (except the wingnuts, but they hate Canada anyway), I’d like to say apology very not accepted, and go fuck yourselves.
FWIW, I kind of wonder how many of those “suspected terrorists” in that report were “suspected terrorists” the way Maher Arar was a “suspected terrorist” — he was the brother of the cousin of the roommate of some guy who donated money to a terrorist front group once when he wasn’t paying attention, or something. I mean, just because the Bush Administration thought you were a terrorist didn’t actually necessarily make you a terrorist; it just made you in a world of hurt.
Capitalist said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:04
You libs make me sick. You are all about class warfare, and the poor middle cleass. Name one, just one, poor person that has ever created a job or actually contributed anything that impacted society. I am what you would probably consider rich. However, I am the one who started my business, invested my money, and took all the risks. In the meantime, I have created jobs for people like you, who are apparently not greatful.
The libs and dems are winning the class warfare arguement but at a long term cost to our nation and YOUR WELL BEING. Here are the facts: fewer rich people equals fewer jobs because dolts like you either lack the imaginaation or fortitude to create your own businesses.
Pinko Punko said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:07
I would be lying if I said I was falling in love with Gavin all over again, because my love for Gavin is being maintained continually, it has just been more equally continual lately. In fact I just fixed the internet in my mind. Sadly, it resulted in Ezra Klein’s demotion to copy boy and Gavin to King of All Media.
SomeNYGuy said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:12
Lucky for the “rich” but stupid troll that income isn’t calculated according to one’s spelling skills.
commie atheist said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:12
If you’re gonna go Galt, go Galt, already, fucktard.
Johnny Pez said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:23
Haven’t you heard, commie atheist? “Going Galt” has been redefined as “Trolling liberal blogs”.
I understand there’s a plan to rewrite the end of Atlas Shrugged.
Froley said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:25
I’m going Encyclopedia Brown. Pay me a quarter and I’ll solve a mystery for you.
Anonymous said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:35
You libs make me sick. You are all about class warfare, and the poor middle cleass. Name one, just one, poor person that has ever created a job or actually contributed anything that impacted society
Uh, Abe Lincoln.
Also, I wonder what the cure is for an impacted society.
Lawnguylander said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:37
Fly away Galtese Falcon, fly away.
commie atheist said,
April 24, 2009 at 7:56
I think we need the Continental Op to take the case of the not-so-missing wingnut.
robert green said,
April 24, 2009 at 8:42
fine, froley, i’m going eugene onegin on all their libtard asses.
robert green said,
April 24, 2009 at 8:43
drown my sorrows in some galt liquor 40 ozs.
g said,
April 24, 2009 at 8:44
Gee, I somehow remember way back in the mists of time during the Clinton administration when a would-be bomber was apprehended crossing into Washington State on a ferry from Vancouver….but I guess that was when we dealt with terrorism as a Law Enforcement Issue.
Which means that we caught them. Back then.
g said,
April 24, 2009 at 8:47
My oh my. What was it I just heard on the radio on the way home tonight? That the median income of the red states is $38,000 while in the blue states its $49,000?
Johnny Coelacanth said,
April 24, 2009 at 8:57
“The median income of the red states is $38,000 while in the blue states its $49,000″
Tomorrow, Rush will be saying it’s because employers have to offer more money to get normal people to live and work among
black peoplesocialists.It's a shame about Ray said,
April 24, 2009 at 9:04
In the stone under the dust his name is still engraved
Somethings need to go away
flawedplan said,
April 24, 2009 at 10:05
I’ve become a passive reader who hasn’t commented in ages but this was so warm and lovely and funny and sweet. I love the gazoogle visits. And these wildly discursive unspooling essays are over my head but it’s good to reach. I don’t ever want to take you for granted again, my haven.
Twisted_Colour said,
April 24, 2009 at 10:43
Has anybody ever actually seen… [a] Rusty Trombone?
Yes.
Just Alison said,
April 24, 2009 at 11:06
Apropos of nothing, albeit spurred by the previous thread which was too intimidatingly long to add a comment to – I’ve been investigating the sometimes amusing names of Australian mountains.
I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that we have two Mounts Bogong but only one Mount Buggery. Mount Superbus is apparently a tribute to public transport, while Mount Meeharry seems more of an invitation than a geographical feature. Mount Tibberoowuccum is probably one of the many landmarks named by white men who ascertained the local name by pointing and speaking loudly and slowly, and thus probably means something like “Are you crazy, mate?”
I will refrain from indelicate speculation about the origins of Artillery Knob.
Crapitalist said,
April 24, 2009 at 11:35
I AM TEH MANGING DIRECTOR OF LOCKHEAD MARTINS AND U LIBS R ST00PID LOL
Smut Clyde said,
April 24, 2009 at 11:51
Lockhead martinis? I told you that Botox in the recipe was a mistake.
Zarquon said,
April 24, 2009 at 11:55
I was listenening to this just the other day. Should be DHS’s theme song.
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
April 24, 2009 at 13:23
Obama should honor the nutjobs’ request to get rid of Napolitano. And replace her with Noam Chomsky.
At this point he might as well go with a strategy of “Maximal Poutrage” among the wingnuts.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 13:31
Somehow, I imagine that Lockhead Martins has something to with teh fuching ferrets.
Major Kong said,
April 24, 2009 at 13:36
I understand there’s a plan to rewrite the end of Atlas Shrugged.
Already been done.
http://www.angryflower.com/atlass.gif
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 13:40
Bob the Angry Flower’s proposed end to Atlas Shrugged is clever, but in focusing on the lack of robots it neglects the possibility of monkey butlers.
Caliph Garrett said,
April 24, 2009 at 13:43
Lockheed Matins are the morning prayers to the Gods of Capitalism.
Smut Clyde said,
April 24, 2009 at 13:49
Speaking of martinis and cocktails, I have to confess that here at Bimler Research Laboratories it is taking longer than expected to perfect the recipe for a Peccary Daiquiri, due to the lack of cooperation of the pigs vis-a-vis blenders.
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:06
I am what you would probably consider rich.
Man, another wingnut bragging about his stash of Cheetos and teabags. They seem to be
proliferatingwhining a lot more these days.Don’t they know those things get all stale and stuff after a while?
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:19
Cheetos have enough chemicals in them to out-last cockroaches in the nuclear winter.
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:29
I am probably what you would consider unimpressed and uninterested.
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:34
CheetosWingnuts have enough chemicals in them to out-last cockroaches in the nuclear winter.Fixelated.
Hey ibs, how about this for a tax? said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:39
A 30% tax on all money transfers to Mexico by immigrants.
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:39
Wingnuts have enough chemicals in them to out-last cockroaches in the nuclear winter.
What criteria do field anthropologists use to distinguish the two groups?
henry lewis said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:41
due to the lack of cooperation of the pigs vis-a-vis blenders.
Apparently, Zachary solved this problem after learning these pigs were attracted to hickory.
a basket of wet socks said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:43
I have a 1590 combined SAT.
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:45
What criteria do field anthropologists use to distinguish the two groups?
Well, they both live in dark basements at their mommie’s house, so sometimes it is a bit difficult. But most entomologists agree that one way to tell is that the whiny ones who cry a lot and yell gibberish at computer screens are the wingnuts.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:46
On the subject of names for pizza joints, my personal favorite:
Just Pizza – and More!
henry lewis said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:46
A
3050% tax on all money transfers toMexicotax havens byimmigrantsplutocrats.Sounds good.
St. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:48
Hey ibs, how about this for a tax?
S,N! is getting really popular. Now Irritable Bowel Syndrome trolls are bothering us.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:51
A 30% tax on all money transfers to Mexico by immigrants.
Only if you then simultaneously impose a 99.99% tax on companies who claim to work in the U.S. but actually offshore themselves to escape paying taxes as well as asshole wingnuts who hide their spondulix in Bermuda banks.
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:55
hide their spondulix
Veiled PENIS alert!
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 14:59
Oh, come ON.
Does nobody respect history no more?
spondilix: Slang: money (C19: of obscure origin)
British Virgin Islands said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:04
A 30% tax on all money transfers to Mexico by immigrants.
Sure, works for me.
Swiss Bank Account said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:06
Me too.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:09
In an economy with sky-high unemployment, is it a good idea to give amnesty to millions and millions of illegals?
Ted the Slacker said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:09
A 30% tax on all money transfers to Mexico by immigrants.
Is this a cunning plan to reduce the deficit or an even more cunning plan to unleash the Laffer curve on brown people?
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:21
In an economy with sky-high unemployment, is it a good idea to give amnesty to millions and millions of illegals?
Why, what a good point, sir.
I’ve notified the good people at Tyson Chicken that you’ll be reporting on Monday to take over for one of them. Make sure you bring your own knife and hairnet, and don’t worry about the carpal tunnel – the chickens are all frozen when you cut ‘em apart so your hands’ll be numb within the first five minutes anyway.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:25
Pere Ubu–
Millions of unemployed would be happy to have that job.
BTW, blacks are hurt the most by illegals since they compete for the same jobs. I wonder if they’re going to stay in the Democrat Party when they realize that, and the DNC starts focusing more on Hispanics instead of blacks?
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:28
Because, as you know, black people aren’t as compassionate of others as I are to them.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:29
Also, poopie pie and pee ice cream.
JM said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:31
JM said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:34
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:34
Millions of unemployed would be happy to have that job.
Well, perhaps you should worry more then about the companies that employ undocumented workers so they can abuse the hell out of them.
But telling companies who they can and can’t hire would be SOCIALISM, after all! Who are you to stand in the way of businesses making money? Been reading your Marx again, eh, comapdre?
St. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:39
Millions of unemployed would be happy to have that job.
Do you use the same $50/hour paycheck benchmark that McClueless used?
St. That Girl said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:53
Off-topic troll needs to get his own damn blog.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:56
So basically, the American wingnuts are arguing that US should forget about past terrorist attacks, and are doing what they used to call ’selling out America’ in backing a foreign country against their own elected government. Meanwhile, as we saw, their Canadian counterparts are all about how the country is a haven for Islamic jihadis.
Of course. The right wing is asking, nay, DEMANDING, that the Great Gazoogle be put in charge of homeland security so he can use that time machine that he lent to Obama to place that story in 2006 (along with a vault copy of his birth certificate, altho like in The Terminator, John “Boner” Connor sent Pip Jindal back to destroy it, thus preventing the rise of the machines) and travel FORWARD to figure out what third world nation (my money is on Trinidad and Tobago) the next Al Qaeda attacks will originate from.
Or to use the proper Streetmentioner’s tense: Where Al Qaeda wioll haven be attacking us.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:57
You libs make me sick.
Good!
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 15:58
BTW, blacks are hurt the most by illegals since they compete for the same jobs.
TRANSLATION:
Damned illegals! We want to keep the darkies down!
El Cid said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:08
I never waste one moment debating immigration policy with right wingers because I have never, ever encountered even one of them who give a shit about discussion the entire situation seriously, such that they are willing to answer difficult questions like “Okay, and then what?”
It’s always the same type of idiot barking of Bush Jr 28%-ers jacking off on how bad they wanted to invade Iraq.
I don’t see why the entire right wing is a bunch of cowardly chickenshits unwilling to really deal with the whole situation of illegal immigration, illegal employers, legality paths for certain current residents, and most importantly not f***ing turning all our neighboring countries’ economies into giant piles of sh*t from which people have to flee.
Instead they just want to bark idiot bullsh*t. Fine. Have at it. Blame the libs for Reagan’s 1986 Amnesty that he did for the refugees who were fleeing the death squads he created and funded and whose repatriated income were the only thing keeping his tyrant death squad El Salvadoran economy operating and their cheap labor kept the Southern California economy from collapsing. Yeah. Libs. Yeah. That’s our bad.
cowalker said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:10
Can you imagine how disappointed Sasha and Malia will be if they can’t find jobs picking lettuce or tomatoes when they graduate from Harvard? Then they’ll be sorry that all those illegals weren’t bused back to Mexico. Over and over again. And again. And again.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:11
Deport them, build a wall, and throw employers that employee illegals in FUCKING JAIL.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:12
Also, poopie pants.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:12
throw employers that employee illegals in FUCKING JAIL
Wheee, destroy the American economy in other words.
Da, komrade!
cowalker said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:14
Build a wall. It saved the Soviet Union, remember?
She said, She said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:15
Build a wall? Around the gulf of mexico?
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:15
Deport them, build a wall, and throw employers that employee illegals in FUCKING JAIL.
I’ve seen this movie. It starred Kurt Russell, Donald Pleasance, and Adrienne Barbeau as a pair of tits.
She said, She said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:16
Who will build this wall? Why, cheap mexican labor, of course.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:16
not f***ing turning all our neighboring countries’ economies into giant piles of sh*t from which people have to flee
As I said in one of my very first blog posts, these people are just obeying the Sacred Laws of Supply and Demand upon which our lovely Capitalist Paradise here is founded.
As I said back then:
Once again — if you’re on the side of a political philosophy that has let corporations run rampant, violate the law with impunity and, indeed, actually stands in the way of holding them accountable, pardonnez-moi if I’m not overly compassionate when it comes back to bite you in the ass.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:17
Importation of goods doesn’t have consequences.
Importing PEOPLE does.
People have ideas. People breed. People vote and consume services, etc.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:18
Build a wall. It saved the Soviet Union, remember?
The lesson of the Soviets is, when you build a wall, you not only trap people outside, you trap yourself inside.
Why does “?” want to limit his freedom?
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:18
Just look at what massive Muslim immigration is doing to Europe.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:19
People have ideas. People breed. People vote and consume services, etc.
People are the engine of this economy and first generation immigrants made this country the economic power that it is.
We owe our history to immigrants. We owe our power and strength to immigrants. We owe our very lives to immigrants.
N.C. said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:19
JUST LOOK AT WHAT MASSIVE CHEETOS IMMIGRATION IS DOING TO MY UNDERWEAR, LIBS. JUST LOOK AT THEM. LOOK.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:20
QuestionPre World War II German said,April 24, 2009 at 16:18
Just look at what massive
MuslimJewish immigration is doing to Europe.Willy said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:22
Retarded isolationist troll is retarded. Boring. Also.
LittlePig said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:22
Not to mention what the massive Saturnian invasion forces are doing to New Jersy.
N.C. said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:24
The Neptunians already have a colony here!
chocolatepie said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:24
not f***ing turning all our neighboring countries’ economies into giant piles of sh*t from which people have to flee.
So you’re proposing we get rid of the last remaining American industry?
And they say you liberals have such bleeding hearts.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:25
Just ;look at this video:
c
Britain is being DESTROYED.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:26
Not to mention what the massive Saturnian invasion forces are doing to New Jersy.
The Neptunians already have a colony here!
I’m so trying to work out a Uranus reference.
Oh wait! Sorry. That would be the right wing.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:26
Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHOvWXX1dqA
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:28
QuestionPre War German said,April 24, 2009 at 16:25
Just ;look at this video:
c
Britain is being DESTROYED.
LittlePig said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:30
Don’t worry. The right wing only wants to destroy Uranus is you are under 18.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:32
everything’s-a-freaking-martini crowd
I anxiously await the wide-spread commercialization of the beer-tini, a beer served in a comically oversized martini glass. That will be the apex of civilization. Quickly followed by the zenith with the beer-mopolitan, a beer-tini with a canned pitted peach in it.
N.C. said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:33
I’m waiting for beer spritzers, personally.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:34
Beertini
Duck Duck Grey Duck said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:34
who will think of the nazis left behind?
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:35
Beer spritzer
LittlePig said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:35
In other news, the first evidence of time travel has been found. An individual from Jones County, Mississippi was transported from August 3, 1951 to the present. This individual is quite confused, and can be seen ranting on various humor blogs across the Internet.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:36
That I knew both of those existed means I must be drinking too much.
Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:36
Does this diaper make my ass look bulgy?
kiki said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:37
Apparently, Uranus is filled with hot fluid.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:37
Oh, my, now THERE’s an unimpeachable source – a Youtube video.
Presumably sandwiched between amateur vids of girls on trampolines, a fat kid lip-synching to a popular song and a music video revealing TEH TURRTH about the ZIionits New World Order.
Our Massive Foreign Trade Deficit said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:38
Importation of goods doesn’t have consequences.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, that’s a good one!!!
LittlePig said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:38
I believe the word asstronomers use is “creamy center”.
Opium Wars said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:39
Importation of goods doesn’t have consequences.
Do tell.
henry lewis said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:39
I like to start my day with a venté lagercino.
LittlePig said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:40
Oh, my, now THERE’s an unimpeachable source – a Youtube video.
I expect this brainiac thinks there are about 500 people in Britain, a thousand tops.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:42
a212,
Anyone can throw whatever shit they got in the fridge into a glass and call it a “beer-tini”. What I’m talking about is walking into Applebee’s and getting a “Bud-tini-Light” to wash down the salad bar.
Imagine, all round the nation – gigantic martini glasses filled with the watered-down-buffalo-piss-that-Americans-call-beer. In the hands of a guy wearing ironic black-tie and introducing himself as “Six-Pack. Joe Six-Pack.”
SWOOON.
The Question said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:43
I have no face and I’m still cracking up at Troofus, Knight of the Motel 6 Wireless Connection.
henry lewis said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:49
“Six-Pack. Joe Six-Pack.”
I thought it was Sam Six-Pack, except it’s not a six-pack, it’s a single can of near-beer.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:52
Boring troll is boring. If we’re going to venture so far off topic, I’m going to choose my own OT.
Anyone have any good stroller recommendations for little Studebaker/Dash?
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:55
Anyone have any good stroller recommendations for little Studebaker/Dash?
A nanny?
tigrismus said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:55
Did you even read the recipe?
Didn’t have enough hummingbird whisker, disinterestedly grated.
¿Por qué? Please clarify, Jeeves.
Aw, ghee, no more please.
BTW, blacks are hurt the most by illegals since they compete for the same jobs.
I’m sure your fellow Americans find touching your new found concern for their welfare.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:56
Anyone have any good stroller recommendations for little Studebaker/Dash?
An illegal immigrant!
tigrismus said,
April 24, 2009 at 16:58
I am what you would probably consider rich.
A fatty, huh?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:00
everything’s-a-freaking-roll-up
And the beer-tini drinker would be eating The Sous-Vide Chicken Cordon Blue Roll.
Succulent slices of all-white meat chicken breast and gently spiced black forest ham, with grated processed swiss cheese – sealed in a bag, flash frozen – trucked to restaurants hundreds if not thousands of miles away, tossed into a hot water bath and left to “cook” all day. Mmmm-mmmm.
When they dump it out onto the white-flour tortilla, they add the special high-fructose corn syrup sauce, roll it up and serve on a chiffonade of iceberg lettuce. Sometimes they’ll forget to take the chicken out of the plastic boiling bag – and it’ll end up tasting even better!
That Girl said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:01
A friend swears by her Peg Perego (I think that’s the correct name) stroller, but they’re expensive.
I hate those ones where the car seat snaps into the stroller, because it seems like the kids never get taken out of the it. Not that you guys would let that happen. :)
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:02
I am what you would probably consider rich.
Oh really? I’ll have to see about blackballing you from the club.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:05
Anyone have any good stroller recommendations for little Studebaker/Dash?
Teh Volvo of baby strollers. As is true for many child/baby things, you can often find good used ones. If they haven’t shut down Craig’s List, you might have some luck there.
Also, here’s a great first dictionary for your incipient imp of satan.
Ana Lemma said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:06
I’m so trying to work out a Uranus reference.
A prime p00p joke opportunity, squandered.
Say, does this figure make my ass look big?
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:17
I have no face and I’m still cracking up
AH HAZ NO MOUTH AN I MUST NOM NOM NOM
Lawnguylander said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:22
Well, Dr. Missus, some folks like Peg Peregos and others swear by MaClarens but they are such stupid assholes. Bugaboos are the best and are used to convey the most elite babies through urban environments by the most superior moms and dads. The killer app is they have a cup holder for your latte.
Actually, I’m not really sure what the best stroller is but for a while there I was commenting at an altogether zanily vicious place called UrbanBaby (please don’t ask why) and they discuss the subject and flame each other over it with the passion normally reserved for more important subjects like whether c1l@ntr0 tastes more like ass or armpit so I had to take a position and defend it like a lioness defends her cubs. Otherwise I would have been labeled a troll. I learned this lesson when I counseled moderation on the topic of diaper bags and got pwned for it. Seriously though, it’s sanctimommy central over there but they know their shit when it comes to baby stuff.
Strawman argument said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:23
Address me, liberals! ADDRESS ME!!!!!
Willy said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:25
Dr. Missus:
Gotta get out there and and look at and handle a few. How do they fold? How easy is it to fold/unfold and get in/out of the vehicle/home? How much crap can you stuff in one along with little Studie?
Depending upon your reproductive plan, perhaps a double seater (inline not side-by-side) would allow you to haul more crap. (Really, the most serious issue I had with strollers was all the other gear like diaper bag, etc. More room is better.)
Being 6’4″ I was keen on finding good handle height lest I end up shaped as a question mark, but that probably isn’t an issue for you.
Strollers with bigger diameter wheels are better since they roll over imperfections (sidewalk cracks, dead animals, curbs) much easier than smaller diameter wheels.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:27
Also, here’s a great first dictionary for your incipient imp of satan.
Heh. Very much in the tradition of Uncle Shelby’s ABZ book, which I cannot recommend highly enough.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:28
Dr Mrs:
Consumer Reports just did a survey two years ago.
Willy said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:31
And one more thing, Dr. Missus:
Get a bike trailer. I got one and took the kids everywhere. It was healthy and fun. Just make sure you strap the kid(s) in and don’t make any sharp turns. Trust me on that one (sorry Hannah and Genevieve.)
J— said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:32
Marita: I would say get two if you can. A bigger one that can haul a bunch of gear—baby’s and adults’—and a smaller, lightweight thing for when space is limited. Plus, when you try them out, try maneuvering the bigger ones with just one hand.
Also, this:
is a plus for Boston’s sometimes bumpy and uneven streets and sidewalks.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:38
Seriously though, it’s sanctimommy central over there…
Awesome word. I must remember that one.
Plus, when you try them out, try maneuvering the bigger ones with just one hand.
And make sure you can wrestle them off the bus or trolley before it leaves for the next station, trapping you and the 67 people behind you on board.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:41
[taking notes]
You all are awesome! Keep ‘em coming!
I may have to solicit advice on cloth diapers next. Anyone ever try the BumGenius ones?
That Girl said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:45
Be careful with used items (though they’re a good idea – all the baby paraphernalia is expensive!). Make sure to check recalls. Used car seats are a no no, and used cribs can be a problem, as well.
I have no knowledge about diapers (and I’m okay with that). Good luck!
Lawnguylander said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:46
Strollers with bigger diameter wheels are better since they roll over imperfections (sidewalk cracks, dead animals, curbs) much easier than smaller diameter wheels.
You may also want to consider a model with with pontoons that deploy from the sides in case you have to get across any shitmoats.
The opposite of a person you want to take baby product advice from is Amy Alkon because according to her it would be no problem if little Studebaker’s first books (such as perhaps the kind that double as teething devices) had lead in them. What? Babies put stuff in their mouths these days? Get the fuck out of here. She should go over to UrbanBaby and offer up her views on parenting. That would be a fun lurking experience. Via tbogg.
Willy said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:47
The killer app is they have a cup holder
That always shook up my beer so I just strolled one-handed.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:48
We’ve got a new
baby cagecrib, and we’re aware of the car seat issue. I think a stroller would be ok, although anything we do craigslist for we’ll check the model for recall info first.So much stuff to get. Ack!
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:51
Anyone have any good stroller recommendations for little Studebaker/Dash?
A ’73 Pinto with a fire-extinguisher rack.
J— said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:53
Check out baby slings, too, if you haven’t already.
That Girl said,
April 24, 2009 at 17:54
Oh yes, I forgot about the octagon/crate/baby sized safe shopping. I think a used stroller would be fine. And, serioulsy, some of those Peg Peregos are $500! Not to mention the one million other items you need.
I hope you invite a lot of people with money to your shower! Perhaps our “what we would consider rich” troll will be good for some baby swag.
N.C. said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:04
Fat chance. Babies are so ungreatful towards rich people. Have you ever known a baby that created a job?
The Goddamn Batman Likes Him A Deep Dish Pie said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:04
I’m glad that you clarified that your crack about “Chicago Ray’s” had to do with “the Ray’s Pizza progression”, of which I have heard, and wasn’t yet another East Coaster blogger hating on Chicago pizza because you’ve had the misfortune to be raised under the delusion that that ketchup-smeared cracker that you’ve been led to believe counts as “pizza” is superior to the Chicago variety. Because, you know, that shit will not abide.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:06
Batman,
You know how they invented Chicago pizza, don’t you?
They needed a place to hide the bodies.
That Girl said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:06
have you ever known a baby that created a job?
Yes, they’re like little parasites, aren’t they? Especially the ones born to commiepinkoliberalsocialisthitler parents.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:07
Check out baby slings, too, if you haven’t already.
We’re certainly looking into that. My husband, being a brilliant writer who can work from anywhere he has a laptop and an internet connection, is going to be the primary caretaker for Little Studebaker during the days (for whatever reason, bad things always happen when I try to do my experiments at home, so I will grudgingly return to the laboratory). I think he’s pretty attached to the idea of a sling, particularly for early-on transport of the little one.
As for strollers, we’re both tall (I’m about 5’11, Teh Hoos-band is a coupla inches taller), so that is something to consider. A stroller meant for the less-tall parents in the world would probably give either of us a backache.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:07
that ketchup-smeared cracker that you’ve been led to believe counts as “pizza”
I HOPE, sirrah, you are not impugning the proud tradition of the New York style pizza. ‘Cause them’s fightin’ words, podner.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:09
I HOPE, sirrah, you are not impugning the proud tradition of the New York style pizza. ‘Cause them’s fightin’ words, podner.
I’d say take him to Totonno’s, but it burned down.
That happened after some shmuck claimed Chicago pizza was better than Noo Yawk, and the owner tried to make him his latest sausage creation.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:09
Damn that The Goddamned Batman! He’s trying to reignite the New Jersey vs. the world pizza debate that Gav seems to get involved with from time to time.
I try to distract him by ordering Hawaiian pizzas, which he hates above all other things, but it doesn’t always work.
Rusty Shackleford said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:10
It’s a Shame about Ray is now eligible for Rhino d-lux treatment? Damn I feel old.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:11
I try to distract him by ordering Hawaiian pizzas
Ew. I hope that’s not some space alien mutant you got in that pouch of yours.
J— said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:11
The Baby Björn is another option. As with the sling, a lot depends on what the kid and the parents are comfortable with.
J— said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:14
I only eat pizzas FedExed from St. Louis.
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:20
Late to the party (I overslep) but
n an economy with sky-high unemployment, is it a good idea to give amnesty to millions and millions of illegals?
Where amnesty means pay a fine so that we would, in effect, recover huge gazillions of dollars from the trillions of illegals who get amnestyficated.
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:24
Sorry I can’t help with the stroller. We use a leash for our (substitute) child.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:25
I HOPE, sirrah, you are not impugning the proud tradition of the New York style pizza. ‘Cause them’s fightin’ words, podner.
The only pizza rivalry that matters is Naples vs. Rome.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:27
Sorry I can’t help with the stroller. We use a leash for our (substitute) child.
So you have a teenager.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:31
Where amnesty means pay a fine so that we would, in effect, recover huge gazillions of dollars from the trillions of illegals who get amnestyficated.
Wingnut is crying crocodickle tears for the U.S. unemployed – he just wants to be able to yell “GET A JOB!” at the kids on the streetcorner with a (somewhat) clear conscience – as clear as wingnut conscii ever get.
Rusty Shackleford said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:31
Dr. Mrs: we’re very happy with our Chicco Keyfit 30 combo system (which we do occasionally remove the baby from). The LATCH system bases are a snap to install and use, as is the stroller. Which has a cupholder even, also. It’s a nice system because it’s usable up to 30 lbs. instead of 22.
Consumer Reports rated them very highly, and they’re reasonably priced.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:36
I overslep
I always make a hell of a mess when I overschlep.
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:38
So you have a teenager.
Actually, he is a teenager: 16 1/2. We joke about how he’d be driving and dating and shit by now if he wasn’t a dog. Then we sigh and consider our good fortune in having to decided to adopt a four legged substitute child instead of the real thing.
Also, there is no such thing as “Hawaiian pizza.” When we go out for a smopke and take our cocktail – this happens every evening – people occasionally ask us whether that’s gin or vodka in our martinis. My typical response is. “You can’t make a martini with vodka!” It’s a martini-style drink made with vodka. It aint a martini. Similarly, that alleged food item is a pizza-style concoction that is, in fact, inedible.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:40
This “pizza” of which you speak. It is like a Trenton-style tomato pie adapted for the cruder New York palate?
PeeJ said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:43
New Jersey pizza? We’ve been through this already.
N__B said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:43
I got yer crude new york palate right here, buddy.
Pere Ubu said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:47
crude new york palate
Crude New York plate = a folded copy of the Times you hold under your slice to keep it from dripping on your lap.
Gavin M. said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:48
Okay, okay, but I have to admit that I was a huge fan of the old St. Mark’s Pizza style, sort of the extremist version of Ray’s. The slices weighed about a pound each, no joke.
justme said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:58
Bah. I bet you can’t throw em fifty feet even with the sling.
Now, you start talking baby-atlatls and you could have something.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:58
There’s a place on 22nd and 6th Ave in NYC that has awesome pizza.
At least it did from 1984-2005…
Jennifer said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:59
Pizza? Can’t say I care for any of it all that much.
You’ve got your folks who clamor for more cheese, your folks who demand a thick doughy crust vs those who like it thin and crispy, those who like it covered with the greasiest meats imaginable vs those who want veggies only…all I know is I’ve rarely seen a pizza that didn’t leave a film of grease on the box it was delivered in or the dish it was served from, so it’s never been my thing. But on the rare occasion that it is, it has to be Iriana’s mushroom: fresh mushrooms elbowing each other for space all over the top of the pie, and just enough cheese for flavor – not enough to leave it swimming in grease.
Bottom line, the vast majority of pizza is crap.
justme said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:02
Also, some rusty trombones for your perusal.
And should you have the urge to play one in a dark alley…
Righteous Bubba said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:04
The Bjorn is awesome except when they vomit down the front. Since you can’t see it you and your child become a two-headed nightmare beast to everyone else.
g said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:07
I’m going to get all curmudgeonly on y’all regarding strollers. I am awfully tired of the H1SUV-equivalent strollers you young folks are using nowadays. Users of these tend to behave on the sidwalk and in the store aisles the same way drivers of Hummers and Escalades behave on the road.
The most useful stroller for me when my son was little was a lightweight folding stroller, the so-called “umbrella” stroller. I could take it anywhere.
Rusty Shackleford said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:09
The umbrella strollers are great but you can’t use them with newborns.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:09
G, someone I work with just had triplets (sons).
They have a 3 seat inline escalade stroller. It even has steering handles in the back.
Turbine Yukon Palin said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:10
That sounds more like a beer-llini.
Add a splash of cranberrry, and then you’re hitting beer-mopolitan country.
But that’s already so five minutes ago. Muddle some mint and lime and make yourself a beer-jito.
LD said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:10
Why is it that every wingnut is always worried about the muslims overtaking the world, but none of them pays any attention to the REAL threat:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/
We must do something before it is too late!
AnnPW said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:11
I love the “dumber than a basket of wet socks” description of Chicago Ray, but I gotta tell ya (and I’m sorry, you know how we Texans are about one-upmanship) – you ain’t seen stupid until you’ve seen TexasFred in whose comments section is where I first discovered Chicago Ray. TexasFred even goes so far as to grace his blog with a delightful portrait of himself – though it used to rotate with one that showed him pointing a handgun at the viewer. That one hasn’t showed up on his blog since the DHS report on domestic terrorism came out.
Rusty Shackleford said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:14
Not that anybody probably cares, but my band opened for Lemonheads and Concrete Blonde back in the day. We were popular openers because the headliner was virtually guaranteed to look good.
g said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:16
Oy. I just went to the Urban Baby site. Geez, nothing like young moms flaming each other about strollers!! Calling each other “moron” over things called “Bugaboo.”
Re the newborn thing – the sling was the best option for us when Giant Hulking 21-Year-Old was young, but he was pretty happy in the umbrella starting around 6 months.
And if you have triplets, you get a pass from me on the Escalade-type stroller. Just don’t put spinners on the wheels, mm-kay?
J— said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:17
Pimp my
ridestroller!J— said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:23
And whatever stroller you get, be sure to add the perfect accessory.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:27
I’m thinking that stroller needs spiked hubs, like the chariot in Ben-Hur.
g said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:30
I’m thinking that stroller needs spiked hubs, like the chariot in Ben-Hur.
Um…I think I saw those the other day, at the mall.
Willy said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:46
justme said,
April 24, 2009 at 18:58
Check out baby slings, too, if you haven’t already.
Bah. I bet you can’t throw em fifty feet even with the sling.
Now, you start talking baby-atlatls and you could have something.
Those pesky A-rabs done perfected the baby trebuchet about a thousand years ago. Used in the Siege of Cantstandthepurple.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:58
Okay, okay, but I have to admit that I was a huge fan of the old St. Mark’s Pizza style, sort of the extremist version of Ray’s.
Oh PULEEZ, Gavin!
If your slice has the consistency of quiche, IT’S NOT FUCKING PIZZA!
The next time you come to NYC, let me know, I will introduce you to what real Noo Yawkahs call pizza, not that shit that Ray’s/Fay’s/FayWray’s/FehRay’s dishes up…
I swear, if it wasn’t for flyover teens moving here thinking they stand half a chance of making it in the Big Apple, Ray’s in all its incarnations would have closed in the seventies. Yuck. I won’t eat Ray’s if I can find KOSHER pizza, much less real New york pizza.
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 19:59
Might as well put ketchup on dough and top it with Velveeta if you’re going to eat Ray’s
actor212 said,
April 24, 2009 at 20:04
There’s a place on 22nd and 6th Ave in NYC that has awesome pizza.
Maffei’s?
Not bad, actually.
jim said,
April 24, 2009 at 20:17
Wingnuts suddenly sharing their Canada-love? It is to LOL!
“Yeah, we’re totally sorry that this crazy O-bot lady said such awful stuff about your wonderful count– what? Do what? Renegotiate the Softwood Lumber deal?! Fuck YOU, you hockey-stick-humping cheddarmongler commie baby-killing filth! We begin bombing in five minutes!”
We’re so damn polite for a reason – we scarcely trust OURSELVES – let alone one another – let alone outsiders … but the sentiment is appreciated.
When it comes to psychos with explosives, I’d imagine keeping the fuckers out sort of outranks splitting hairs over what route they intend to use to get in, but I’m funny that way. Oh, & if that’s the same Michael Wilson who was Mulroney’s right-hand-scumbag, please feel free to assuage his outrage with a big boot in the nutsack, on me – & you may need to take several shots to get any response … energy-wise, Wilson makes Bob Dole look like Carrot-Top.
* * * * *
Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein, & the inventor of the wheel – oh, sorry, you only wanted ONE poor person, so I guess that means you win after all … I’ll even throw you a victory party, with lots of Yoo-Hoos, chocolate cake, & Mountain Dew beyond your wildest dreams – right after you BLOW ME. You may have a lot of money but what you’ve said here tells me that you are going through your one & only life as one pathetically piss-poor bastard, no matter how much pelf you hoard or how much shiny bunk you stack in your closets – poverty doesn’t always involve money, honey.
* * * * *
Strollers? Easy as falling off a logarithm. The optimum pervert-proofing quotient – along with epic hipster points – can be had simply by strapping the wee tyke to the back of a Komodo Dragon. You’re welcome, eh?
Rusty Shackleford said,
April 24, 2009 at 20:36
If little Impact is reasonably spherical you can bypass the stroller altogether and simply roll him down the street.
t4toby said,
April 24, 2009 at 20:49
I love greasemonkey. Has anyone ever noticed the tag line on the script?
t4toby said,
April 24, 2009 at 20:52
Jim FTW.
kenga said,
April 24, 2009 at 21:00
Dr. Missus – I suggest ditching the ham for feta and jallapeenos.
Good for surprised expressions immediately and the following day.
Smut Clyde said,
April 24, 2009 at 23:38
Those pesky A-rabs done perfected the baby trebuchet about a thousand years ago.
(Daniel Mroz illustrations here).
Also,
The infant’s trajectory passed him over the rectory,
And into a lily-choked pond.
I suggest ditching the ham for
fetablack pudding and jallapeenos.Works for me.
Smut Clyde said,
April 24, 2009 at 23:43
there are about 500 people in Britain, a thousand tops.
More than that on Old Compton Street alone.
neddie jingo said,
April 25, 2009 at 0:21
Is John’s on Bleecker Street still a going operation? I salivate at a twenty-year-old memory.
Oh. Sorry. That’s mammary. I salivate at a twenty-year-old mammary. That’s better.
Lesley said,
April 25, 2009 at 0:53
falsely claiming and insisting 911 hijackers came through Canada
Please tell me right wing extremists like myself doesn’t hail from Canada. (American wingnuts generally hold a dim view of Canada and its border so this guy perking up at the mention makes me uneasy…)
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
April 25, 2009 at 2:44
cornucopiate
I originally read this as cornucopulate. I think I may need help.
Smut Clyde said,
April 25, 2009 at 7:11
The Horned God is the cornucopiate of the masses.
SqueakyRat said,
April 26, 2009 at 0:15
“Dumber than a basket of wet socks” — must have, will use, no royalties, sorry.
actor212 said,
April 27, 2009 at 19:07
Is John’s on Bleecker Street still a going operation?
Yes, but the quality has slacked.
me said,
April 28, 2009 at 10:25
Of course The Left hates Canada! Have you not seen heard of “Canadian Bacon”? It’s about the USA GOING TO WAR WITH CANADA AND IS BY MICHAEL MOORE. PROOF +VE !11!!!!11