Apr
17
17
Remember What, That Battleship The Japanese Sunk, Or The Cubans? “The Alpo?”
Perry stands by secession comments
Gov. Rick Perry on Thursday stuck by his earlier statement that Texas can secede from the United States — a far-reaching, legally questionable prospect that nevertheless drew Perry a fresh favorable mention by Rush Limbaugh, one of the nation’s leading conservative voices.
The idea of secession — which Perry did not endorse — surfaced suddenly Wednesday after Perry appeared at an anti-tax “tea party” at Austin City Hall, where some in his U.S. flag-waving audience shouted, “Secede!”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 17, 2009 at 19:53
I’d supply my own comment, except this one is perfect. Texas lives off of US Military spending welfare. Take it away, and they’d be SOL.
~
Lusty Shacklefold said,
April 17, 2009 at 19:54
Secede? Why now? Why not nine years ago?
Righteous Bubba said,
April 17, 2009 at 19:57
Oh Lusty, what’s-his-head was a secret New Englander.
roseyv said,
April 17, 2009 at 19:58
Perry should make this the main, if not the sole plank of his reelection campaign, seriously. It’s a win-win. Either the sane people in Texas outnumber the loons in large enough numbers to wipe the floor with this idiot, or they don’t, in which case, Texas actually secedes. Texas is a big and not terribly populous (relatively speaking) state. It’ll become a shining beacon of hope to every Klansman and crackpot and crazy in the remaining 49 states. We get to purge our shores of them, and then impose tariffs and trade restrictions so byzantine that the only economic hope for the Free and Sovereign Nation of Texania will be to trade exclusively with Mexico.
Six months later, we send in a crew to mop up the mess from the exploded brains, and then take their oil.
PeeJ said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:01
They can’t secede. Even Tom Delay says so. OTOH, he pointed out that they can split into five states and since the US Senate wouldn’t go along with 10 Texas senators, they’d kick Texas out. That’s how they can seced. No shit, he really said that. I’ll find a link….
Righteous Bubba said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:01
The compromise is the somewhat-more-legal split of Texas into five different states, each with two senators, which would suck.
sanitas said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:03
I thought the Village People were from NY!?!?
AlanSmithee said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:04
Mexico will never take Texas back, now that all the oil has been pumped out of it. We’ll have to dispose of Texas like toxic waste.
Nom de Plume said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:06
I’d supply my own comment, except this one is perfect.
It’s damn good, only it leaves out a lot. They can clean up after their tornadoes (most in the nation) and hurricanes their damn selves. The Johnson Space Center, along with its 3000 employees and 15,000 contractors, goes bye bye. Oh, and “America’s Team” will pretty much have to play the Houston Texans 16 times a year until they get around to forming their own league.
OneMan said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:09
I say, why wait for them to secede? Nothing in the Constitution says we can’t tell ‘em to GTFO.
owlbear1 said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:10
Hey Texas, if you’re quitting can I have your stuff?
Lusty Shacklefold said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:14
We’ll have to dispose of Texas like toxic waste.
I think it’s too big to bury in Nevada.
I’d like to propose blasting it into space. Let the sun deal with it.
PeeJ said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:15
RB: The compromise is the somewhat-more-legal split of Texas into five different states, each with two senators, which would suck.
In typical Texas politico fashion – that being the blivet model – they miss the glaringly obvious fact that the Senate can simply refuse to seat them.
PeeJ said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:18
I’d encourage them if Austin can secede from Texas (they’d be likely to do so). Austin – the Berlin of America.
Ken Lowery said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:19
It’d be nice if everyone would stop equating “Perry” with “all Texans everywhere,” much as I’m sure everyone here did not like anyone else equating “Bush” with “all Americans everywhere.”
Two things about Perry:
1) He is a legitimate moron.
2) He is a craven political opportunist.
Oh, and
3) He’s going to get his ass reamed in the next election.
laym said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:20
I know that encouraging trolls is wrong, wrong, wrong, but really, this one over at Teh Editors is a real prize. And it’s on-topic even.
Lusty Shacklefold said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:23
It’d be nice if everyone would stop equating “Perry” with “all Texans everywhere,” much as I’m sure everyone here did not like anyone else equating “Bush” with “all Americans everywhere.”
As a temporary Mississippian I feel your pain.
Nom de Plume said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:29
Oh, and how did I forget the biggest consequence of secession: the Texans who aren’t completely nuts (and I do believe that they’re the majority) will promptly emigrate to the United States, leaving a small faction of gun nuts and Randians to run the whole fucking thing themselves. So help me, I half hope it actually happens.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:30
I understand your point, Ken.
But on behalf of the other 49 states, I must make the point that Texas Republicans really, really suck.
For example, this occurred a few blocks from where I live.
Ken Lowery said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:35
They do totally suck. But honestly, Perry really is just a fucking idiot, and I’m surprised this is the first time he’s gotten national attention for it.
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:37
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Dickie.
Hun Joro said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:44
It’ll be the perfect “Gone Galt” test case – and then they can prove how wonderful it all works.
Michael G. said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:45
God, Texas. So glad I’m not there anymore. Nice hills, great park at Big Bend. Everything else is a bit messed up. Also, Texas isn’t a small state in population: it’s second largest with about 24 million folks.
I can remember a time when Texas was a blue state too. They used to be mildly progressive, but then the dimestore cowboys outnumbered the actual cowboys, and it went south from there.
henry lewis said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:49
So is that “Texas Against Terror” or is it “Against Texas Terror”?
I need to know, ‘cuz I’ve been looking for a T-shirt depicting three rugged individualists.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:49
I suppose the best part of Texas secession is that it would be creating a big independant nation, full of desert and oil – right next door to the US.
The WMDs are to the north, south, west and east of Houston.
U.S. of A. said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:50
Texas, get the fuck out of my basement or we will use the Rodinator Pro down there.
Candy said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:56
Perry really is just a fucking idiot, and I’m surprised this is the first time he’s gotten national attention for it.
Well, readers of Molly Ivins were long aware of the laughability of Governor “Good Hair” Perry.
Candy said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:58
Damn I miss Molly Ivins. I often find myself thinking, “What would Molly have made of all this?” Never be another like her.
Ken Lowery said,
April 17, 2009 at 20:59
He was, if you can imagine it, considered the “smart one” of the Bush/Perry ticket.
Candy said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:00
Ken, the mind boggles.
Ken Lowery said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:01
Consider that we elected the dumb one to the presidency twice.
Well, OK, once.
Candy said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:04
Molly on Goodhair
Legalize said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:05
Wait. What about our brothers and sisters in Austin? Also. Does this mean that I have to go to a foreign country to visit SXSW next year? Will I have to exchange American dollars to whatever the fuck will pass as currency in Texas? What? Armadillos? Sage brush? I’m not carrying that stuff around.
Scott said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:05
Oh, and how did I forget the biggest consequence of secession: the Texans who aren’t completely nuts (and I do believe that they’re the majority) will promptly emigrate to the United States, leaving a small faction of gun nuts and Randians to run the whole fucking thing themselves
Actually, what it would mean would be Rick Perry would be marched out of his office in handcuffs after about three days, max.
Ricky knows he’s going to get completely annihilated by Kay Bailey Hutchison in the next election, and he’s desperately hoping that the lunatics can somehow overrule the non-lunatics. I don’t know any Republicans here who don’t think Rick Perry is a useless embarrassment.
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:13
Consider that we elected the dumb one to the presidency twice.
Well, OK, nonce.
Fixed yer post for accuracy
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:14
I suppose the best part of Texas secession is that it would be creating a big independant nation, full of desert and oil – right next door to the US.
The WMDs are to the north, south, west and east of Houston.
Halliburton might have troubling finding them even then.
I mean, planting them.
Lesley said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:15
How much of the stimulus dough did Perry accept. Seceding minds would like to know.
Fresh – 17 hours old – hypocrisy :
Uncle Ned said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:22
Holy shit, it’s only been three months and already the kooks sound kookier than at any moment when Teh Clenis was Prez.
Jeez, stay away from Federal buildings, folks. And if you smell fertilizer and diesel fuel in the same sniff, run like fucking hell.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:29
Holy shit, it’s only been three months and already the kooks sound kookier than at any moment when Teh Clenis was Prez.
I too have been impressed at the speed with which they were able to not only resume but surpass their previous craziness. They’re really taking the whole “the last eight years never happened” thing seriously.
harmfulguy said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:33
Is there any way to split the state between the separatist cretins and flat-earthers on one side, and the ones who still want to be part of the human race on the other?
the problemwitcharing said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:38
Are the republicans ever going to stop basing their public policy ideas on whatever unstable crack pots manage to yell out the loudest in a rancorous mob?
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:39
I too have been impressed at the speed with which they were able to not only resume but surpass their previous craziness.
I think what has happened is whatever mitigating and modifying forces within the crackpot right (e.g. semi-moderate Republicans who held their noses while dealing with the rabble who could stir up the base) have abandoned them in order to try to come to grips with what they really sold out in order to have eight years of power.
So it’s not so much these folks have gone further off the deep end faster as much as there’s no lifelines to reel them back when they go too far now.
TritoneSub said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:40
Someone in the federal government will be contacting him shortly. Why? One word. Nukes. This aint 1860, there’ll be no equivalent of Fort Sumter.
justme said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:45
Re: Tom DeLay, here’s a link.
The traitorous prick is wrong, of course, but that has never stopped him before.
Regardless of anything else, DeLay forgets about that pesky Constitution thingie again.
Not that that has ever stopped him either.
I have a hard time figuring out what sort of bailing wire and duct tape wrapping keeps these folks’ heads from exploding due to the sheer hypocrisy of screeching about their “patriotism” while simultaneously publicly sowing the seeds of treason.
Just. Fucking. Amazing.
JM said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:47
Crazy is the only thing that will fill the tent any more. If it’s not a freakshow, their voters can stay home and watch FOX.
The leadership knows this, and the moderates are all gone. Nothing left but Augra.
PeeJ said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:52
Are the republicans ever going to stop basing their public policy ideas on whatever unstable crack pots manage to yell out the loudest in a rancorous mob?
Doesn’t look like it. SA2SQ….
In all seriousness, it’s “kill more cats” all over again.
I suppose that might need some explanation. Medieval – plague – witches – familiars – cats. Killing the cats obviously slows the plague. Except, of course, with fewer cats one gets more rats and you know the rest of the story.
At least the medievals could be forgiven due to ignorance. The GØP and the loonies are willfully ignorant. For that, they can’t be forgiven.
N.C. said,
April 17, 2009 at 21:56
In their worldview, they’re the real Americans that represent the vanguard of the silent majority, while the people in charge are a minority of comsymps and terrorist-enablers that conned their way into power. Thus, they’re the true patriots and the government is actually just a treasonous sham.
Scott said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:00
Are they really crazier than they were in the days of Black Helicopters, Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and the UN Troops Hiding in the Salt Mines of Utah? Seems to me the Clinton years were kind of a Golden Age of Crazy…
Woodrowfan said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:03
can they take Oklahoma with them??
El Cid said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:08
Wait, why do the crazy righties want all of Texas anyway? You mean, they also want the parts of Texas that have major cities and universities and stuff? Or do they just want the open areas, mountains, and badlands?
Legalize said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:10
The Clinton years took a while to reach respectable levels of bat-shittery. It hasn’t even taken O-blacky Hussein X 3 months, and dip-shits are already falling into rivers at tea parties and other dip-shits are dumping tea bags in the conference room of a DC think tank to make a point.
I think Barack has this thing wrapped up.
Fuck on Toast said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:15
Fine. Secede. You just fuck right off there.
Righteous Bubba said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:16
BEAR WITNESS TO MY PHOTOSHOP PROWESS!
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:18
Are they really crazier than they were in the days of Black Helicopters, Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and the UN Troops Hiding in the Salt Mines of Utah? Seems to me the Clinton years were kind of a Golden Age of Crazy…
They had eight years to warm up for all that.
So far they’ve got a fake birth certificate, a closeted Muslim who gives iPods to queens and needs a teleprompter.
I get the feeling we haven’t hit anywhere near bottom.
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:19
Righteous Bubba said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:16
BEAR WITNESS TO MY PHOTOSHOP PROWESS!
It’s a cow drinking milk in a snowstorm, right?
J— said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:20
Wait, why do the crazy righties want all of Texas anyway?
The border counties are almost all blue (2 went McCain) and Spanish speaking.
And they do not get the Guadalupe Mountains.
Lesley said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:23
If that’s an illustration, RB, it’s perfect.
How can we be certain it’s not a photo?
America, Love It or Leave It said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:24
Perry should make this the main, if not the sole plank of his reelection campaign
I first read that as “prank.”
Which is basically all the GOP seems to have anymore.
PeeJ said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:28
That reminds me of this book.
J— said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:33
Ricky knows he’s going to get completely annihilated by Kay Bailey Hutchison in the next election, and he’s desperately hoping that the lunatics can somehow overrule the non-lunatics.
Wow, what kookery. He’s trying to pull support away from Larry Kilgore, who is openly bonkers.
stogoe said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:56
Hey, did ya’all hear about the Republican candidate (Tedisco) in the NY-20 special election? He’s petitioned the courts to have him declared the victor, even though he’s currently losing the election.
Seriously, aren’t there some non-fucking-crazy republican politicians anywhere? Anywhere? Please?
Doctorb said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:57
The shirt is okay, but Texas has a long-standing identification with cowboys, so there should be a cowboy on it. Plus there were like 2 dozen Native American tribes in Texas, so there should be an Indian. Also a construction worker to represent, um, construction. Then it would be perfect.
Doctorb said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:57
Oh yeah, and a leather-clad biker.
Lusty Shacklefold said,
April 17, 2009 at 22:59
Seriously, aren’t there some non-fucking-crazy republican politicians anywhere? Anywhere? Please?
I think there are still a couple in New England somewhere.
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:01
He’s petitioned the courts to have him declared the victor, even though he’s currently losing the election.
Technically, no one has won or lost. There’s still 1200 votes to count and Tedisco’s only losing by 20 or so.
actor212 said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:03
Oh yeah, and a leather-clad biker.
Cuz Dennis Hopper wore a cowboy hat in Easy Rider…and they rode thru Texas.
g said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:05
I get the feeling we haven’t hit anywhere near bottom.
apparently Rush Limbaugh is now slapping himself in the face on air and yelling “I’m torturing myself!” Or slapping something, anyway. And heaving a deep sigh when its all over.
You know, when I read what I did of those torture memos, I asked myself who’d be the first person who would defend what was in there…..
Anonymous Prime said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:09
Reminds me of this:
The Pain: Civil War II
That second panel is quite possibly the greatest thing that Mr. Kreider has ever made. The double-N in the second word balloon just tickles me somehow.
MzNicky said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:12
Hey PeeJ, someone gave me that same book for my birthday! Only it was titled “The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.”
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:14
apparently Rush Limbaugh is now slapping himself in the face…
Thus saving somebody else the trouble, but I doubt he’s doing it hard enough.
Johnny Pez said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:22
Ronnies, because Ronald Reagan is on the One. John Wayne is on the Five, and they don’t have any larger denominations because the Texan economy collapses after the Americans remove all the military bases.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:26
Ronnies, because Ronald Reagan is on the One.
In Neal Stephenson’s near-future-libertarian-dystopia book Snow Crash, they referred to quadrillion-dollar-bills as “Gippers”. Not sure why.
M. Bouffant said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:28
You think Perry’s nuts? Well, you’re absolutely correct.
But not like the Georgia State Senate is double-+-nutz.
owlbear1 said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:29
That Rush feller sure does find lots of reasons to abuse himself…
Lusty Shacklefold said,
April 17, 2009 at 23:58
But not like the Georgia State Senate is double-+-nutz.
Sadly, Clarence Thomas would agree with virtually everything they say. I am not even joking.
Stag Party Palin said,
April 18, 2009 at 0:17
Not really late breaking news:
“If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent Texas and live in Hell.”
– U.S. General Philip Henry Sheridan in 1866.
sa2sq said,
April 18, 2009 at 0:45
Seriously, aren’t there some non-fucking-crazy republican politicians anywhere? Anywhere? Please?
No.
This episode brought to you by…
LittlePig said,
April 18, 2009 at 1:45
Someone noted this on Wonkette yesterday remarking Barak could set up an Austin airlift, and then say….
“Ich bin Ein Austiner”
St Jesus Honus said,
April 18, 2009 at 6:53
“If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent Texas and live in Hell.”
For some reason, they actually put this quote on bumper stickers and coffee cups:
“You may all go to hell, I will go to Texas”
Davy Crockett
Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t all three guys on the t-shirt work for the government?
OneMan said,
April 18, 2009 at 9:15
So what would they call this place, this new Not-The-State-Of-Texas?
Assholia?
America’s Appendix?
Outer Wingnuttia?
Not-At-All-Crazyland?
humbert dinglepencker said,
April 21, 2009 at 1:27
Poor New Mexico. So far from heaven…so close to Texas.