Apr
15
15
Extremists Release Anti-DHS Reports
Because the hits just keep coming:
Shorter Stop The ACLU:
- You know, I am not one for conspiracy theories, but the Department of Homeland Security’s report on right-wing extremism that President Bush commissioned over a year ago makes me wonder and worry about Obama’s paranoia toward imaginary enemies.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shorter The Jawa Report:
Obamacrats Try to Use DHS to Label Conservatives as “Threat to National Security”
- When liberals complained of an erosion of civil liberties under Bush, we denounced them as traitors — but now that the most vicious totalitarian Nazi regime in the history of Communism is literally issuing reports allusive of thought control via death squad, OMG liberals are such traitors.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shorter John Hinderaker:
- The Department of Homeland Security’s report on right-wing extremism is just the sort of liberally liberalized mess of liberalisms that I expect from the Obama government that I mistakenly believe to have created it.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Note: The requirements of the Shorter being as they are (not being long is pretty much intrinsic to the concept), and Hinderaker’s exegesis on the DHS report being as wide-roaming a journey of the human understanding as such a thing from him ever really gets, it seems appropriate to the occasion that it also be Mediumed.
Mediumer John Hinderaker:
- Wuh? There is no pattern of violence by right-wingers, so why not left-wing instead? Duh? I conveniently do not know various things. Der? Liberals are anti-Semitic, this reads like it was written by blacks, how does being anti-abortion make me a white supremacist? I can find no reference to this alleged plot against Hispanics. I am suddenly for a different reason reminded of the Southern Poverty Law Center. The report offensively defames troops and veterans in general by mentioning military vets who are in white supremacist groups. Heh heh quibble mischaracterize, heh heh summarily dismiss evidence, heh heh. …Whoah, my brain just emptied of all knowledge, I cannot understand a single other example. Mumble mumble can’t move hands, unable to type teh words ‘Olkahama Citv bonbinq.’ So as you see, the report is without merit and politically motivated against conservatives, and is ominous because they are likely coming to investigate us, and [pant-pant] the liberal [UPS guy knocks on door and startles Hinderaker, who drops the hairbrush he was holding like a microphone] Cheeps! [Hindy sits down quickly in an overstuffed leather chair and pulls the recliner handle, the chair rotates with the wall on an unseen pivot, is replaced by a bookcase: law books, a hand-lettered sign saying "GONE GALT," a bronze bust of George W. Bush with the nose all shiny, as though from rubbing, as though from worry].
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Joe Max said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:05
Their little heads are just going to be exploding tomorrow. Pass the popcorn.
tensor said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:06
We all knew they’d turn on a dime the moment their goons lost power, but even I hadn’t thought they’d use a Bush-era report to justify it. They really always have been at war with
Eastasiareality.Lesley said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:20
How soon before they swallow their cyanide pills?
They’ve already OD’d on their home made Koolaid.
alec said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:21
The crassly strategic behavior of right-wing groups combined with their habitual, ideologically-mandatory overreach translate anything that doesn’t resonate completely with the vast majority of the electorate into quick failure and severe backlash. Just as the Tea Party gin-up evidently finally convinced the public that all this sudden whining about taxes by fantastically rich people was an obvious scam, so too will be mixture of sudden lockstep weeping of crocodile tears about persecution and powerful self-identification with hate-driven domestic terrorists put the public completely off its feed when next the right feels compelled to uncan applause or jeers.
It’s also going to mean a lot of Ford Truck Man voters, with an investment in der Kulturkampf accompanied by an enthusiasm for law and order, finding a party whose primary message is “Kill Black Daddy” suddenly unpalatable.
commie atheist said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:26
I posted this on the previous thread, but it seems appropriate here:
Just Because You’re Paranoid Doesn’t Mean They’re Not Out to Get You [Mark Hemingway]
Jonah, Mark S., and Mark K. have all made good points about the problems with the DHS report. I wonder if the thing isn’t so boneheaded it actually emboldens the people they seek to warn us about. Now, I think these so-called “right-wing” extremist groups are pretty low on the list of threats to American society, but to the extent they are a problem, they thrive on paranoia. They usually have to gin-up conspiracies about the federal government persecuting them — so why would the DHS actually produce a legitimate document that justifies their paranoia and can be used as a recruiting tool?
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=ZGQyYzUzOGE3YzAyZDk2Mjg0NmI5OTM1NzZmYjQ0Mzg=
This is from someone writing at the Corner, mind you, the house organ of the Glorious War for Iraq movement of 2002-2008, that most successful and emboldening of all terrorist recruiting tools. Everyone who writes there is a recruiting tool. Or just plain tool.
Lesley said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:29
Great timing, Tea Partiers! Way to have your fingers on the nation’s pulse.
Americans for Prosperity writes Facebook message offering financial rewards for publicizing tea parties.
: …. Which makes me wonder: do you think some of the people who show up tomorrow will be getting paid to be there?
pedestrian said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:30
If this doesnt work they will try clamoring for another war. And if that doesnt work… more tax cuts for the rich!
Lesley said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:32
The icing on the teabag:
Veterans Upset That Tea Baggers Plan To Hold Their Anti-Obama Protest At A Veterans Memorial In Kansas
alec said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:35
In the words of the immortal John Dolan, Dick Cheney is either history’s worst intelligence manager or an Iranian mole.
alec said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:39
Well, obviously it was a terrible waste of taxpayer money to dedicate a reflecting pool to America’s war dead – total pork-barrel spending – so clearly what needs to be done is we need to throw teabags into it to show those cadillac-driving VA queens what we think about their military service, or as we like to call it, porkitary porkice.
alec said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:41
Pork pork pork!
Lesley said,
April 15, 2009 at 9:42
As somebody twittered earlier today: “The only growing “movement” coming from conservatives is a clarion endorsement for anti-psychotics.”
justme said,
April 15, 2009 at 10:31
Um, guys? That’s, uh… That’s not where the pulse…
Oh.
justme said,
April 15, 2009 at 10:37
Au contraire, Leslie. There seems to be, as usual, a vast and growing movement coming from deep within the bowels of conservatism.
he flips said,
April 15, 2009 at 11:01
All this “organic” and “grassroots” talk remind me of a health food store.
“Hi, I’m looking for a low calorie snack that will fill me up.”
“Try this Hindraker Powerbar, with 28 grams of malkin. It will fill you up and has no meat or substance. Made with grassroots and it’s organic.”
“Thanks, hey look, white on the outside black on the inside. What is that? Dried currants?”
“No, that’s hate.”
“Yum, what’s the damage?”
“5 bucks each, but if you can afford a whole pallet, we’ll take off the tax.”
Lesley said,
April 15, 2009 at 11:03
au contraire, justme, within the bowels of conservatism there’s very little movement. A lot of bloat, but no peristaltic action.
lobbey said,
April 15, 2009 at 11:37
but how about the Malkin organic prune juice,
well, it will certainly clear your system, although you’ll feel nauseated for months..
well, ill take 2, how about the Chuckle Johnston organic muesli, does it also help clear your system,
no, its made from pure bile, will clog up your system as quick as saying ‘Soros based conspiracy’…..
Derek said,
April 15, 2009 at 11:40
Please, please, please more “Mediumer” capsules…
justme said,
April 15, 2009 at 11:51
Well, it’s going to move somehow eventually. Heh.
J— said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:12
Remember the talk about ratfucking during the election? Now I have no idea who leaked this report and for what purpose(s), but the immediate fallout has been a ratfucker’s dream.
JoeBuddha said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:18
I think Adam at Mythbusters said it best:
“I reject your reality, and substitute my own!”
Caliph Garrett said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:27
Even the local FOX affiliate in Chicago has been trying to fluff up these Weak Tea Parties by tying them in with the recent Cook County sales tax revolt (a “flat tax”…hello, Forbesians!). They’ve got their orders from above, most likely.
Though after viewing the reel of idiots dangling teabags in front of the camera and parading a poster of Obama modified with a custom Hitler ’stache, the average viewer will probably conclude that these people are on par with the LaRouche zombies and dismiss the whole thing as a Bedlam production.
Arky said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:32
Shorter entire fRightWing Blargosphere: WE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
(Not to be confused with Tedious Troll #65127.)
owlbear1 said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:34
Hindy sits down quickly in an overstuffed leather chair and pulls the recliner handle,
the chair rotates with the wall on an unseen pivot, is replaced by a bookcase: law books, a hand-lettered sign saying “GONE GALT,” a bronze bust of George W. Bush with the nose all shiny, as though from rubbing, as though from worry.and hides under his down comforter.Added a ‘Liberal Bias’ to that for you.
Till said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:37
I don’t think that continuing to act like screeching crazies is helping them too much. Articles on this report on both CNN and MSNBC are prominently (and appropriately) illustrated with photos of neo-Nazi rallies.
Implicitly associating yourself with a report that (shockingly!) states that white supremacist groups might not like that there blackamoor President seems…bad.
J— said,
April 15, 2009 at 13:56
AJ Strata says basta ya.
Matty said,
April 15, 2009 at 14:21
There was a lady on CSPAN right now crying because her anti-choice bumper sticker would make her a terrorist. Now, unless she’s going out sniping at abortion doctors, I think she’s a little low on DHS’s priorities.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
April 15, 2009 at 14:39
The part I’m enjoying is all these deranged right-bloggers tarring themselves with that “broad brush”. It’s not like a bunch of peacenik hippies are saying the entire right-blogosphere is nothing more than a batch of racist hate-crime perpetrators and treasonous domestic terror-loving anti-government types. It’s the wingnuts themselves that are standing up in solidarity for “white supremacist and violent antigovernment groups”.
It is a step forward that when they see the word “extremist” they think of themselves. And while they may sound a lot like the dangerously criminally insane, unless they actually sympathize with guys like Poplawski, they ain’t the folks the report is about.
Also, PENIS.
aw said,
April 15, 2009 at 15:13
Hey, if the shoe fits…
El Cid said,
April 15, 2009 at 15:24
Hey, has anyone felt like pointing out how weird it is that people who support a group like “Stop the ACLU” are now whining about the Obama administration’s lack of respect for their civil liberties?
I thought civil liberties were just things that surrendercrat French-looking fake purple heart Muslim loving Democrats granted to terrorists in order to destroy Uh-merika.
You mean to tell me that people who support “Stop the ACLU” are now in favor of civil liberties? Hmmm. I’ll be damned.
Topical said,
April 15, 2009 at 15:29
Can’t wait until the police show up and the brave protesters all simultaneously hear their moms calling.
g said,
April 15, 2009 at 15:46
There was a lady on CSPAN right now crying because her anti-choice bumper sticker would make her a terrorist.
They all seem to be jumping the gun – almost gleefully hoping to become persecuted, in order to become the first example. unless somehow the release of the report interrupted their plans.
And again, these are the same people who, when actual citizens were actually detained by the Bush administration for their (mildly oppositional) bumper stickers, said things like, “Well you shouldn’t have been there in the first place” and “Well you were probably there to cause trouble” and “of course the president needs to be careful, we’re at war.”
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 15:59
Gavin, it’s only Wednesday…why do you mediumize Hinderaker and just confoos the poor trolls who come on here and think that’s precisely what he sai–
Oh. I guess it really WAS what he said!
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:01
Now, unless she’s going out sniping at abortion doctors, I think she’s a little low on DHS’s priorities.
I dunno. Bush’s TSA made nursing moms drink their own breast milk.
When I was at JFK in 2004, I humbly volunteered to perform this duty on several young mothers, you know, to make sure they could pass the test.
The stitches healed with time and some aloe gel.
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:04
Hey, has anyone felt like pointing out how weird it is that people who support a group like “Stop the ACLU” are now whining about the Obama administration’s lack of respect for their civil liberties?
A fair question, and one I was unable to post over there as they seem to be blocking hits from this site.
So much for freedom of speech, eh?
g said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:06
Hey, anyone seeing any Tea Parties where you are?
cowalker said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:07
A Jawa report from 2004
So if you really believe Obama=Stalin/Hitler/Osama/Saddam/Babykiller . . . there is no reason to think that will result in any violent activity against Obama and his supporters because blart blartyblartblart blartiness.
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:15
By the way, can we give props to the DHS for publishing a report that has created such a comic uproar? We realyl should send Napolitano a Christmas card this year.
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:16
cowalker said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:07
A tip of the hat for finding that gem.
But uh, you know, it can be dangerous to your mental health to go rooting around in an insane asylum too deeply.
Lurking Canadian said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:17
Hey, has anyone felt like pointing out how weird it is that people who support a group like “Stop the ACLU” are now whining about the Obama administration’s lack of respect for their civil liberties
This is easy to explain. Civil liberties are the rights ordained by God, through Moses and Thomas Jefferson, to law-abiding white Christian straight people who have lots of money; most especially the rights to (1) have lots of guns and (2) never, never, never be in any danger or suffer any inconvenience whatsoever.
The ACLU on the other hand, has this notion that such rights also extend to dusky-hued, non-Christian and/or non-straight people who may even be accused of crimes! Nobody knows where the ACLU came up with such a crazy notion, which is why they need to be stopped.
Estelle Clubbing said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:17
Dragon-King Wangchuck said
April 15, 2009 at 14:39
Also, PENIS.
Just before Mr. Creosote arrives
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:18
Central to the Pantload-y goodness, via Glenn Greenwald:
Wahhhh, government hates the right-wing, and the ominous spectre of Soros-and-hippie-powered ultra-elitist-Islamo-atheist-thugs means that DHS only does reports on “right-wing extremists”.
Never would the dare to use the phrase “left-wing extremists” as the article I linked to says they do.
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 16:19
Their little heads are just going to be exploding tomorrow. Pass the popcorn.
You’ll have to wait. Their “exploding heads” IS the popcorn.
cowalker said,
April 15, 2009 at 17:01
actor212 said:
Thanks. Actually it’s pretty sad that it doesn’t take much rooting. They contradict themselves continually and with no self-awareness whatsoever.
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 17:08
Actually it’s pretty sad that it doesn’t take much rooting.
Oh. OK. Then a little Cipro and you’re back on your feet! Good on you.
Kip W said,
April 15, 2009 at 17:25
There was a lady on CSPAN right now crying because her anti-choice bumper sticker would make her a terrorist.
Like those drivers who are half a block away when you enter traffic, and then speed up so they can honk and have that thrill of victimhood that you dared to get in front of them, when they were obviously using that stretch of road!
See: Martyrbation.
Bitter Scribe said,
April 15, 2009 at 18:34
I wonder if these guys will get annoyed by the rightist equivalent of those jerks in “Free Mumia” shirts who always seem to hang around leftist rallies. And who might that be? 9/11 Truthers? Anti-Zionists? Neo-Confederates? Who would embarrass the teabaggers most (if anyone)?
Matty said,
April 15, 2009 at 18:46
There was a lady on CSPAN right now crying because her anti-choice bumper sticker would make her a terrorist.
Like those drivers who are half a block away when you enter traffic, and then speed up so they can honk and have that thrill of victimhood that you dared to get in front of them, when they were obviously using that stretch of road!
See: Martyrbation.
Now that you mention it, there is considerable overlap.
Rusty Shackleford said,
April 15, 2009 at 18:50
Who would embarrass the teabaggers most (if anyone)?
Klan?
PeeJ said,
April 15, 2009 at 19:03
There was a lady on CSPAN right now crying because her anti-choice bumper sticker would make her a terrorist.
Exactly like the folks in California who whined that if gay marriage was allowed then they would be called bigots. How terribly unimaginably awful and hurtful that would be.
Bitter Scribe said,
April 15, 2009 at 19:20
I turned on the TV during lunch. Both Fox News and Fox’s Chicago affiliate were all teabaggers, natch. CNN was reporting on it too, but none too graciously: The anchor sourly told the correspondent, “Nothing like promoting Fox News, eh, Brandi?”
Righteous Bubba said,
April 15, 2009 at 19:25
The grass roots strike again.
Fair is Whatever the Fuck I'm Calling Myself Today said,
April 15, 2009 at 20:16
“Who would embarrass the teabaggers most (if anyone)?
Klan?”
TEH KLAN ARE LIBRULS IT R A FACT
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 20:20
Who would embarrass the teabaggers most (if anyone)?
Michael Steele
obabo said,
April 15, 2009 at 20:46
The recent Department of Homeland Security warning about the growing danger from ‘right-wing extremists’ has less to do with a real threat and more to do with laying the groundwork that will enable the government to paint any future civil unrest as the work of a bunch of right-wing loonies rather than a manifestation of legitimate grievances by ordinary Americans.
Expect more of the same in coming months. Should, for example, some mentally unstable unemployed and foreclosed father-of-four lose it all and go on a shooting rampage at the office of his former employer, he will of course be somehow linked to right-wing extremists. Should a crowd of angry investors storm and burn down some financial company’s headquarters building, it will of course be the work of right-wing extremists. Accordingly, any emergency police-state actions such as declaring martial law or activating detention centers will be to protect the people from right-wing extremists.
This is not to say that right-wing extremists don’t exist. They do, but what the government can NEVER admit is that there also exists a growing body of decent ordinary law-abiding people who feel they have been screwed by the government and who are getting in an increasingly ugly mood.
When it comes to creating boogymen, it seems that Democratic administrations prefer right-wing extremists as their hate object, whereas Republicans prefer Muslim fundamentalists. I guess one works just as well as the other. Come to think of it, there’s no reason you can’t use both: one to justify a domestic police state and the other to justify continued American imperialism.
St. Jesus II said,
April 15, 2009 at 20:56
“This is not to say that right-wing extremists don’t exist.”
If you concede that right-wing extremists exist, there’s nothing in the DHS report that should offend you. If you’re another wingnut troll (or more likely the same one), on the other hand, you’re a dick and have a persecution fetish. Plus also, penis, also.
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 20:59
They do, but what the government can NEVER admit is that there also exists a growing body of decent ordinary law-abiding people who feel they have been screwed by the government and who are getting in an increasingly ugly mood.
Ummmmmmm, there’s a real disconnect here, Ob. Law abiding people wouldn’t never shoot up an office or a church or bomb a building.
Bitter Scribe said,
April 15, 2009 at 21:04
…there also exists a growing body of decent ordinary law-abiding people who feel they have been screwed by the government and who are getting in an increasingly ugly mood.
Translation: We didn’t want a nigger as president, but you elected one anyway! We’re going to protest! We’re going to secede! We’re going to do whatever Glenn Beck tells us to do! We are not irrelevant! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mark D said,
April 15, 2009 at 21:30
Hate to burst your persecution complex there, Einstein, but that DHS report was commissioned and started by …
…
(wait for it)
…
(you ready yet?)
…
George W. Bush, 43rd President of these United States of America!
Oh, and they have one on left wing nuts as well. (See here.)
Yet I don’t see any liberal bloggers, pundits, or other representatives whining about how they are now targets of DHS oppression. Probably because they don’t lump themselves in with the nutjobs the way you all do. Hell, right-wing extremists are the GOP base.
It must suck to wake up every day and be you …
The Paraphrased Jon Stewart said,
April 15, 2009 at 21:30
…there also exists a growing body of decent ordinary law-abiding people who feel they have been screwed by the government and who are getting in an increasingly ugly mood.
You’re confusing “being screwed by the government” with “losing.”
jim said,
April 15, 2009 at 21:34
So, what with this happening in America At War With Terror & all, naturally these folks will all be confined to tiny fenced-in “Free-Speech Zones” where they’ll have to stare down huge gangs of riot-cops fondling their batons & pepper-spray canisters while police choppers hover menacingly overhead, amirite?
After all, those teabags might contain hidden ANTHRAX!
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
April 15, 2009 at 21:54
And who might that be? 9/11 Truthers? Anti-Zionists? Neo-Confederates? Who would embarrass the teabaggers most (if anyone)?
Since they keep trying to call us fascists, Illinois Nazis.
obabo said,
April 15, 2009 at 22:51
The infantilism you attempt to project on others is your own.
Many of you live in a bubble, where world events have no significance, except as proxies in a propaganda war between Republicans and Democrats.
This is an attempt to view the world only in terms of the interests of America’s political class, obscured by the real but relatively small differences between the Republican and Democratic parties.
Lusty Shacklefold said,
April 15, 2009 at 22:52
The infantilism you attempt to project on others is your own.
Well duh
actor212 said,
April 15, 2009 at 23:14
Obabo, you never addressed the whole “decent ordinary law abiding citizens” who arm themselves to the teeth and take to the streets strawman….
Cuz, you know, it’s contradictory. “Decent, law-abiding, ordinary” citizens DON’T need guns, but they abide BY THE LAW and trust that justice will be done?
Naive?
Yes. But then George Bush was selected president twice. That means he had to garner at least enough votes to make it close enough to steal, if not win outright.
Righteous Bubba said,
April 15, 2009 at 23:17
Unless you panic, you are not a conservative.
Lightednutz said,
April 16, 2009 at 11:27
Along those same lines:
…My research regarding Barack Obama’s upbringing and personal history suggest at least some possibility that he’s executing long-established plans to overthrow the US Constitution and replace it with something more like the Communist Manifesto. Short of that, though, there’s also the possibility that he’s just an addled leftist who genuinely believes that conservative ideas are evil and should be criminalized. In practice, there’s no difference between those two positions; both lead to the same, tyrannical, one-party government that suppresses opponents. And both can, will, and by proper moral concern for the rights of humanity must be opposed with force should some tyrant attempt to impose such a government on a free citizenry…
http://www.plumbbobblog.com/?p=4163
I guess it all depends, as usual, on how you define: possibility, more like, criminalized, moral concern, and, oh, force.
Sirius Lunacy said,
April 17, 2009 at 18:47
There was a lady on CSPAN right now crying because her anti-choice bumper sticker would make her a terrorist
Doesn’t shee know that she’s welcome to display her anti-choice bumber sticker all she wants as long as she’s inside the designated “free speech” zone? It’s easy to find the “free speech” zone, it’s right next to the re-education camp.
Sirius Lunacy said,
April 17, 2009 at 18:52
I saw a little bit of the teabag coverage on Faux yesterday and they were showing a country singer singing about the injustice of the big auto makers shutting down factories and laying off workers. That’s the same message Michael Moore was putting out 30 years ago. Hmm… I wonder why they didn’t invite Michael to the party?