Apr
5

Glenn Goes Full Godwin




Posted at 15:16 by Tintin

Faux Newser Glenn Beck continues his awesome on-air nervous breakdown in this clip, which we have improved somewhat and in which Glenn explains the horrifying present-day implications of the reverse side of a coin that has been out of circulation for fifty-nine years.

In an upcoming episode, Glenn will unpack for his gullible viewers the terrifying significance of the pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill which, no doubt, proves that there are sleeper cells of jihadists in the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. Camels too.

192 Comments »

  1. Mike's Dumbmerica said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:25

    One wonders why there is nobody on Beck’s staff who’ll hold up a hand every once in a while and say, “Whoa, there, Tex; not this time.”

    Saddest of all is the fact that he undoubtedly scored points with many viewers, who are now convinced that Woodrow Wilson invented the fasces as the first move in a gradual attack on all that we hold dear in this country.

  2. owlbear1 said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:26

    Beck is auditioning or Limbaugh’s crown as Douche-bag-in-Chief of the Republican party.

  3. J— said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:40

    In Rome the fasces were carried by lictors, which sounds very dirty.

    Thanks for the video improvements, Tintin. They certainly make the crazy easier to bear.

  4. Till said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:42

    Ganesh is teh seekrit fascist!!!

  5. The Kenosha Kid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:46

    And we all know that Woodrow Wilson was a member of the “Democrat Party”… (twilight zone music)

  6. J— said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:47

    Re: Woodrow Wilson

    Jonah Goldberg in his Liberal Fascism proves Woodrow Wilson was the original fascism disco king before there was any fascism on the other side of the pond. The site is still sluggish, but when it gets back to speed, search Sadly, No! for Goldberg, liberal fascism, and Woodrow Wilson.

  7. Jennifer said,

    April 5, 2009 at 15:54

    Someone feed the goddamned hamsters, already.

  8. ploeg said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:08

    Didn’t the History Channel already have a special on this?

  9. LittlePig said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:20

    Well done Tintin me lad. Well done.

    Instead of a Rube Goldberg device, Glenn uses a Jonah Goldberg device.

  10. Dan Someone said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:23

    Great Suffering Jebus Christ, how does this guy have a television show? Shouldn’t he be relegated to a Time Cube-style web site?

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    April 5, 2009 at 16:24

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  12. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:28

    The fasces weren’t a symbol of Italian Fascism, but they were a symbol of the power of the lictors in the Roman Republic and later a symbol of the authority of the imperator, which is not all that different from saying that it’s a fascist symbol.

    But the symbol doesn’t imply fascism and has no connection to that particular government style, but rather has been a symbol of the authority of various states for some time, which still makes Glenn Beck an idiot.

    But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. –Glenn Beck

  13. Steerpike said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:30

    The roman fasces was basically a visual representation of the expression, “United We Stand.” In other words, an individual stick would be weak, but a bundle of sticks is strong. It is one of the oldest cliches on earth. A roman official would be escorted by lictors who caried the fasces to demonstrate how much imperium, or influence, the official had. An axe embedded in the bundle signified that this person was a general on campaign. Virtually every would-be empire since then has adopted some version of this symbol, including the American empire.

  14. N__B said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:33

    There are so many legitimate reasons to despise Woodrow Wilson and Beck is so dumb he has to invent a fascist connection through time-travel?

    To quote Joseph Heller, it boggles the mind.

  15. GSD said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:36

    Glenn Beck should be surrounded by orderlies holding a white jacket with long sleeves that can we wrapped aound him and locked.

    -GAS

  16. Arky said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:46

    Ah-ha! A Fasces is a what? A bundle of sticks! And what’s another word for a bundle of sticks?

    That’s right, not only is it a Roman symbol of Italian fascism, it’s a Roman symbol of GAY FASCISM!

  17. Michael G said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:50

    Can’t we take the crazy one step further?

    The fasces is used in a lot of symbols here as a symbol for little “r” republicanism.

    But why not go full-crazy. Little “r” republicanism is just Republicanism, and look, their symbol is the fasces! It’s got fascism right in the name!

    Wow. Making these arguments, even in jest, gets a lot of stupid on your hands. Beck must have a high tolerance to do this day-in, day-out.

  18. Arky said,

    April 5, 2009 at 16:52

    OMG! Even the National Guard is run by gay bondage fascists!

    Also:

    San Francisco’s Coit Tower has two fasces-like insignia (without the axe) carved above its entrance, flanking a Phoenix.

    And that is central to my point, to wit: We have you surrounded!

  19. Steerpike said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:05

    QED: everyone who ever put one of those idiotic “United We Stand” stickers on their cars is, by this definition, a fascist!

  20. Davis X. Machina said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:07

    There are two enormous fasces on the wall on either side of the Speaker in the US House.

    Between his zeal to get the US involved in WW1, his proclivity for intervening in Central America, his shameless racism and his cavalier-at-best approach to free speech and civil liberties, I nominate Woodrow Wilson for the twentieth century’s first modern Republican president.

  21. GlennBerk said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:09

    Glenn Beck is a fucking retard and the rednecks that watch his show are as well.

  22. SomeNYGuy said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:13

    Arky, you beat me to it — you faggot!

  23. joestork said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:17

    Hi everybody!

    You know, I really had no idea how crazy Glenn Beck was until I saw these “fascism” segments he’s been putting out (I had never actually watched him before).

    It was like what?

    WHAT?

    Republicans WATCH this?

    There’s gotta be some… is there… I mean… they WATCH this guy?

    What’s the appeal? Rush Limbaugh is a jocular, humorous motormouth. Glenn Beck is literally just a crazy person in a chair.

  24. SomeNYGuy said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:17

    San Francisco’s Coit Tower has two fasces-like insignia (without the axe) carved above its entrance, flanking a Phoenix.

    Plus “Coit” is just two letters short of “coitus” — and “Phoenix” sounds a lot like “PENIS”!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Fascist buttsecks for all forever!!!!!!!

  25. Major Kong said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:22

    Beck is rapidly heading into Art Bell territory.

  26. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:30

    Shorter Glenn Beck:

    “You ever look at a dollar… on weed?! There’s some crazy shit on there! Someone’s in the bushes, does he have a gun, I dunno! What’s that, Red Thirteen, Delta Bravo, codes and signs, they’re coming to get me man, holy shit, this nickel has a buffalo on it, the Indians are coming to get us and I taste copper!”

  27. Cletus von Clausewitz said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:30

    As Chris Wallace threatened Shepard Smith “The Glenn Beck train is running on Fox news, and you’d be smart to get on board.” And you guys are pointing out how he’s demagoggin’ the rubes, show that you ain’t on board! Very nice multi-media presentation you’ve put together there (enthused clapping). With the ‘tea party critique’ posting below and this one, youse guys are on fire. Expect a visit from the Fox News Security Service (FNSS).

  28. Arky said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:37

    Plus “Coit” is just two letters short of “coitus” — and “Phoenix” sounds a lot like “PENIS”!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fascist buttsecks for all forever!!!!!!!

    [Sigh] No, please pay attention. What does a phoenix do?

    Right. So the correct interpretation is Hot FLAMING Ghey Fascist Bondage Sex for All Forever!

    Before next class please review pages 1552 – 1769 of Vol. XV of your Homosexual Agenda manuals.

  29. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:51

    In a related story, did you know that the boy scouts invented Nazism and spread their evil ideology with the Pledge of Allegiance?

    http://rexcurry.net/pledge-of-allegiance-scouting.html

  30. SomeNYGuy said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:55

    Before next class please review pages 1552 – 1769 of Vol. XV of your Homosexual Agenda manuals.

    I never did get very far into the text; I’m still hung up on the illustrations!

  31. BJS said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:56

    The “dollar on weed” made me think of Slater’s glorious rant in Dazed and Confused about Martha Washington packing a fat bowl for George…

  32. EnfantTerrible said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:58

    Hey! That piece of paper Beck shows us at about :48… that’s really Barack Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate!!! Phillip Berg is vindicated!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    April 5, 2009 at 17:59

    Before next class please review pages 1552 – 1769 of Vol. XV of your Homosexual Agenda manuals.

    Crap. All I’ve got here are Volumes I-LXI of the Communist Takeover Manual For Obama Worshippers, the Collected Works Of The Obamaislamofascist Cult, and Selected Letters Of William Ayers To Obama Sets I thru 88.

  34. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:00

    These are very stupid people. Willfully stupid.

  35. paul said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:10

    for the win: Instead of a Rube Goldberg device, Glenn uses a Jonah Goldberg device.

  36. Arky said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:21

    Crap. All I’ve got here are Volumes I-LXI of the Communist Takeover Manual For Obama Worshippers, the Collected Works Of The Obamaislamofascist Cult, and Selected Letters Of William Ayers To Obama Sets I thru 88.

    Don’t whine to me when you get sent to re-education camp.

    As for the rest of you, how will you avoid being ruthlessly slaughtered and/or sodomized when the revolution starts if you don’t know the secret code words?

  37. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:21

    “This is also an example of how the American stiff arm salute was spreading beyond use in the Pledge of Allegiance, where it developed from 1892. In the USA, children would dress in uniforms (scouts), wave flags, and were forced to perform the stiff arm salute in government schools that imposed segregation and taught racism, and it occurred long before the behavior was adopted in Germany’s Hitler Youth (and by Young Pioneers in the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics).

    It is frightening to note that the Scouts also used the swastika symbol, including a badge with the swastika.”

    http://rexcurry.net/pledge-of-allegiance-scouting.html

    I post this without comment.

  38. PeeJ said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:23

    Glenn Beck is the most brilliantist parodist EVAH! I WANT MOAR!111!1!

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    .
    .
    .

    .
    No. You cannot be serious. Nope, I don’t buy it. No one can be that whacked out st00pid. No one.

  39. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:36

    I don’t understand Beck’s particular form of brain malfunction.

    Let me try.

    1. Hitler had a small penis.
    2. Hitler was a Nazi.
    3. Eric the Troll has a small penis.
    4. Therefore, Eric the Troll is a Nazi.

    Is that how it works?

  40. Ted Haggard said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:42

    As for the rest of you, how will you avoid being ruthlessly slaughtered and/or sodomized when the revolution starts if you don’t know the secret code words?

    What makes you think we want to avoid being ruthlessly sodomized?

  41. SomeNYGuy said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:44

    how will you avoid being ruthlessly slaughtered and/or sodomized

    I plan to stick very close to Ruth.

  42. owlbear1 said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:51

    Didn’t Beck just call Reagan a Nazi?

  43. PeeJ said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:53

    Also, PENIS.

  44. jim said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:54

    Of course the REAL nursery of fascism must be early Hinduism … & those ferocious Jainists are soon going to rise up & suspend elections, completing their fascist takeover of India & signalling the rise of the hidden flotilla of Luftwaffe UFOs from their secret Hollow Earth portal on the slopes of Mount Erebus … yep, same old same old.

    Y’know, I already saw this whole NWO / Illuminati / Reptiloid-Shriners movie drop out of popular culture’s lowbrow hindquarters like a dog passing a peach-pit way way back in the 90s – & oddly enough, it smelled like ass then too … but hey, who says wingnuts don’t recycle?

    I imagine there’s already a tasty over-under on this microcephalic git bringing out a “POTUS signs top-secret bill for mandatory bar-code tattooing of all Americans” fairytale some time this year.

    Alex Jones — megaphone = Glenn Beck.

  45. whimsical elephant said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:55

    Rush Limbaugh is a jocular, humorous motormouth corpulent fuckwit whose mouth is connected to the wrong end of his alimentary canal.

    ftfy, but i get your point.

  46. Sir Craig said,

    April 5, 2009 at 18:55

    A friend of mine last night said he saw this bumper sticker, and seriously I think someone needs to slap one across Beck’s forehead.

    I wish I’d thought of this one…

  47. justme said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:08

    gocart mozart,

    Wow, that is one hell of a site. It’s going to take a week to scrape the crazy off my monitor.

    One would be irresponsible not to wonder whether Doughpants: Fully Loaded used it as primary source material.

  48. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:09

    No one had never done thunk about Rome and Roman symbols before Demo-crap Woodrow Wilson decided to anticipate Obama-fascism by making the fasces the symbol of Luo-fascism

    Fasces in France

    A review of the images (see images below) included in Les Grands Palais de France Fontainebleau [5][6] reveals that French architects used the fasces as a decorative device as early as the reign of Louis XIII (1610-1643) and continued to employ it through the periods of Napoleon I’s Empire (1804-1815). The fasces typically appeared in a context reminiscent of the Roman Republic and/or of the Roman Empire, frequently in conjunction with other Roman symbols such as Roman armor and SPQR standards.

    Our Founding Fathers were correctly leery about incipient Kenyo-fascism and so they made sure to never ever quote or discuss ancient Roman politics and symboles.

  49. Marc with a C said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:12

    It’s not even a Roman symbol, moron. It was a symbol originally used by the Etruscans which the Romans then co-opted and decided to use for their own purposes.

    You know what else has the fasces on it? The seal of the National Guard.

    I guess Glen is implying that the US military is in on this conspiracy as well.

  50. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:15

    I will not sit idly by during the Roman mis-appropriation of an Etruscan symbol of unity applied to Pelosi-fascism.

  51. tb said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:17

    I feel like an asshole for even responding to this latest Glenn Beck fuck-you to reason, but for the record it took me all of 30 seconds on the google to find out that the fasces symbol has been in use in the US since at least the 1780′s. Somewhat before… SOMEWHAT BEFORE, I say, the 1919 beginning of the Fascist movement.

    Another few minutes of poking around might reveal to a more dedicated scholar other important pieces of information like, say, whether there are any non-fascist interpretations of the symbol.

  52. Nom de Plume said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:20

    Is there a more worthless pursuit than an excessive obsession with symbology? I don’t mean worthless in the sense that it can’t be interesting from a purely historical perspective, or that it’s not worth knowing historical facts for their own sake.

    I’m talking about purposeless fetishes like the one Leon Trotsky parodied above, which is actually not a parody, as I’ve personally been a witness to such stoned idiocy. Every time somebody goes on about bundles of sticks and illuminati symbols and such, I want to ask, “Yes, and….?”. What’s their point? What is their intended goal? Where the fuck are they going with it?

  53. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:26

    Ditto to Jim and also justme.

    A sane person would conclude that Hitler stole the swastika, a very old symbol that meant “good luck”, and used it for the Nazi party. Wingnuts however, are not sane.

    About a dozen years ago, I was in Bali, Indonesia and was taken aback when I saw the Swastika symbol on many homes in the countryside. That is, until I was told what it meant and where it originated. After all, the Balinese were on our side in WWII (anti Japanese invaders) and most don’t even know the difference between what a Jew believes and a what a Christian believes.

  54. NobodySpecial said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:31

    I have seen how Liberals use the fascia in entertainments to promote class warfare against captains of industry.

  55. N.C. said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:32

    Of course, there’s also the proof that the government’s been planning this whole fascism thing since George Washington

    Do you know why George Washington doesn’t have a middle name? Because the Illuminati stole it.

  56. Lolly said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:33

    Re: Sir C’s “Stupid Should Hurt” bumper sticker–

    I’m beginning to think it does. Why do you think Glen and Rush and their followers seem to be SCREAMING all the time?

    You’d scream too if you were in that much pain.

    And anyone who’s seen the various photos of M. Malkin’s contorted and hideous visage must feel sorry for the poor creature–imagine how she must hurt!

  57. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:41

    Aha! I see. So, NobodySpecial, It appears that Asians invented both Nazism AND Fascism.

  58. SomeNYGuy said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:48

    It appears that Asians invented both Nazism AND Fascism.

    And spaghetti! Don’t forget spaghetti!

  59. Steerpike said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:51

    The United States has over half a million troops stationed in 700 bases in 150 countries, not even counting Iraq and Afghanistan. We spend more on “defense” than the rest of the world combined, If that’s not an empire, I don’t know what is. By way of comparison, can you name the number of foreign countries that maintain bases for their militaries on our soil? The imperial fasces is more appropriate as a symbol for the US than it has been for anyone in history.

  60. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 19:56

    I can think of no reason why conservatives would be obsessed about the symbolism of lots of otherwise weak, small, inadequate rods bound together to form a giant, powerful, strong, impressive weapon. None whatsoever.

  61. alec said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:03

    Hey, to be fair, Hindutva is pretty much fascist, the incessant carping of Flemish Nazis aside.

    And Beck’s almost certainly getting this from Doughy “My Primary Source Is Harry Turtledove” Pantload, who is inexplicably a huge vector for right-wing nonsense about Wilson these days and someone Beck either holds in high regard or thinks he can con his audience into buying.

    The purpose of this “Blart blart blart Wilson was a fascist blart” thing is threefold:

    1) We can go to war for “freedom”, but heaven forbid we have to deal with any international organizations we haven’t directly established for this. (See also ‘The UN takes a break from wiping our ass every other Saturday, therefore we should stop meeting our relatively minor financial obligation to them ‘cuz they’re the Enemy’.)

    2) Obviously, if we fail to win our Freedom Wars for whatever reason, in addition to it being the Dirty Fucking Hippies’ fault, we were betrayed in our noble efforts by that asshole Wilson and deserve none of the blame.

    3) What do you mean, there’s something wrong with viewing Birth of a Nation as history? What is this, ACORN?

  62. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:04

    Conservatives are always obsessed with fags, I mean little piles of sticks.

  63. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:09

    By the way, it would amuse many contemporary leftists in the period when Wilson governed to know that about a century later conservatives would think it shocking to leftists to note that Wilson possessed imperial tendencies.

  64. alec said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:15

    By the way, it would amuse many contemporary leftists in the period when Wilson governed to know that about a century later conservatives would think it shocking to leftists to note that Wilson possessed imperial tendencies.

    It’s part and parcel with the sleazy the-enemy-of-my-enemy-is-Blart-Mall-Cop ideology of the imperialist right. They constantly whine about the very idea that we might be asked to send troops somewhere as peacekeepers and act scandalized – totally shocked – that the UN hands out a lot of money to well-connected corporations and sometimes commits men to an area without having a clear plan for fixing it. Total NWO conspiracy.

    And then, as soon as they control the White House, the main problem with the UN is that it’s obsolete and feckless and completely worthless and that it opposes our noble ambitions to fix countries without any real sense of what’s wrong or why by handing money to well-connected corporations and sending massive numbers of troops.

    And then they shift back to pretending to check out the drapes for the NWO every morning effortlessly.

    It’s a beautifully complete mixture of stupidity and evil you rarely see anywhere else, and as an added bonus they constantly present assholes like John Bolton is a wise, respected populist. It’s sickening.

  65. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:29

    alec: Yes, but you gotta give conservatives credit for pushing a true character upon the world like Bolton. I mean, violence fetishizing right-wingers are a dozen, but that guy’s got pizazz.

  66. alec said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:40

    (n.b.: I use ‘Doughy Pantload’ exclusively for Jonah Goldberg to avoid the embarassing occasional mixup with the totally different Jeffrey ‘Doughy Perleload’ Goldberg, who totally voted for the hated Moslem, he swears.)

  67. m1k3y said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:42

    The thing that I find deeply fascinating about this current species Wingnutis Paranoidis is their belief that there are certain words that are in and of themselves terrifying, words that stand alone to serve as a kind of incantation to make the awful liberals who want to spend american taxpayer money to help americans go away and let them have their arbitrary power back.

    Socialism. Fascism. Wealth Redistribution. Never mind what the words might actually mean, in fact, avoid that topic entirely as it renders the entire argument nothing but the obvious crazed rant and fear mongering it is. It’s only a matter of time until they start referring to unions as collectives.

    The good news is that outside of a small, paranoid, jingoistic and bigoted base of right wing extremist lunatics, mere words don’t seem to carry within them the power to terrify an entire population into doing things counter to their own interests.

    But remain vigilant. Those who in the past have underestimated the stupidity and herd-like behavior of the american population have done so at their own peril…

    mikey

  68. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:43

    I am puzzled why the wingnuts don’t regard Wilson as a hero. It seems like Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck and the little green lizards share many of his values.

    http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1343.html

  69. alec said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:46

    I recently started yet another failed daily project called Glenn Beck Week, in which I showcased his full-on batshit insanity. The problem is that, after a couple of days, I realized it was like trying to out-vapid Paris Hilton.

    I mean, I still do plan to explore the man in a column I call Boners / Noners / Help Elder I’m Confused. This is essentially an admission of defeat in any area where I cannot deal with him exclusively discussing his respective sexual feelings on Sarah Palin, Tina Fey, and Todd Palin. It’s a qualified surrender, but I’m still ashamed.

  70. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:46

    This is the best coin-related conspiracy theory I’ve heard since the rumor that the Communist hammer and sickle was engraved into Kennedy’s neck on the 50-cent piece. (It turns out that it was the stylized initials of Gilroy Roberts, the U.S. Mint’s chief engraver at the time.)

  71. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 20:55

    Also, Wilson’s view on pre-emptive war,
    http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1343.html
    and colored folks.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woodrow_Wilson#Wilson_and_race

    He seems like a wingnut wet dream.

  72. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:01

    gocart mozart: Damn, you’re right. After all, Wilson was an unregenerate racist and segregationist, which should have been music to these guys’ ears.

    So what is their problem with Wilson? He delayed too long getting us into World War I? He didn’t slap Carranza around enough during the border tension with Mexico? He tried to get us into the League of Nations, the wimpy precursor to the wimpy UN? After all, if the heroic Republicans hadn’t been there to block him, we might not have had World War II, with its heroic narrative and stream of convenient metaphors like Munich to twist out of all recognition.

    Maybe it was just that Wilson was a Democrat.

  73. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:03

    Um, duh, Wilson was a Democrat. This makes him complete socialist evil. It took Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, and Herbert Hoover to repair the damage that a Democrat liberal fascist caused to the nation, until that super-Communist Franklin Roosevelt ruined it all again, and then we had to wait for Reagan to save us all.

  74. alec said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:06

    The thing that I find deeply fascinating about this current species Wingnutis Paranoidis is their belief that there are certain words that are in and of themselves terrifying, words that stand alone to serve as a kind of incantation to make the awful liberals who want to spend american taxpayer money to help americans go away and let them have their arbitrary power back.

    There’s a lot of cross-fertilization between the modern wingnut and the kind of evil para-evangelical exploiters who, beginning in the 70s, ran a cottage industry on the ascendant belief that God was real and would plague you with demons in this life and the next unless you spake His name backwards said their special magic words exactly right, cash, checks, and Visa accepted. When you get in the habit of believing the world operates by magic words, you find it difficult to keep that belief out of other parts of your life.

    Socialism. Fascism. Wealth Redistribution. Never mind what the words might actually mean, in fact, avoid that topic entirely as it renders the entire argument nothing but the obvious crazed rant and fear mongering it is. It’s only a matter of time until they start referring to unions as collectives.

    The good news is that outside of a small, paranoid, jingoistic and bigoted base of right wing extremist lunatics, mere words don’t seem to carry within them the power to terrify an entire population into doing things counter to their own interests.

    But remain vigilant. Those who in the past have underestimated the stupidity and herd-like behavior of the american population have done so at their own peril…

    Herds have certain limits. You can’t get sheep to cluster and run by approaching slowly and loudly, pretending to be a big, menacing ferret.

  75. alec said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:10

    gocart mozart: Damn, you’re right. After all, Wilson was an unregenerate racist and segregationist, which should have been music to these guys’ ears.

    Like I said, mythologizing him as an evil reserve-banking fascist both allows them to pretend his hawkish ideology is responsible for all of their problems and allows them to quietly emulate and attempt to mainstream his more repugnant behaviors.

    It’s kind of like the distasteful effort by the modern right to present Lincoln as a hyperreligious western schlub who fought a Forever War. There’s a lot of power in reinventing positive or negative figures if you can get away with it. (And the Republicans haven’t learned they aren’t in charge of all human history any more.)

  76. gocart mozart said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:23

    Wilson was a racist warmonger who imprisoned anti-war and/or pro-union leftists. Today he would have his own show on talk radio or Fox News. Just because he had a D by his name? They can’t be that dense. Who am I kidding? Of course they can.

  77. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:37

    To the right wing, obsessed with matters of racial and cultural purity, it’s important to maintain the ‘one drop’ rule of liberalism. Except for people like David Horowitz who recant their leftism and spend the rest of their lives trying to hysterically “protect” the rest of us from their own sins of egotism and idiocy.

  78. Smut Clyde said,

    April 5, 2009 at 21:58

    Fasces?
    Like the ones on the Lincoln Memorial?

  79. Smut Clyde said,

    April 5, 2009 at 22:02

    You know what else has the fasces on it? The seal of the National Guard.
    Oh noes, the conspiracy runs even deeper!

  80. AV 1611 Defender said,

    April 5, 2009 at 22:42

    You leftists are dead wrong on this one, America is now regretably no longer a free country. President Wilson pushed for and got the 16th amendment passed which taxes the income of the productive.

    FDR enacted a program (inspired by Mussolini’s fascist Italy nonetheless) of massive government expansion into the private sector. Lyndon Johnson enacted the so-called “great society,” which instead of lowering poverty levels actually increased them. The number of out of wedlock births and fatherless homes also increased due to the “great society”, eliminating all incentive to raise children.

    Now Obama is the final nail in the coffin, nationalizing our nation’s banks and automotive industries with his socialistic bailouts.

    Just like Glenn Beck, I encourage all patriotic Americans to read the “5000 year leap”, and do your part to help restore our Constitutional Republic.

  81. FlipYrWhig said,

    April 5, 2009 at 22:49

    Anyone else hear calliope music just now?

  82. AV 1611 Defender said,

    April 5, 2009 at 22:51

    You reap what you sow. With our nation’s embrace of socialism came forth secularism and the increased acceptance of abortion and homosexuality as societal norms.

    God intended us to provide for ourselves and our families without government interference. With the increased secular attack on Christianity our nation is turning further away from God. Even some churches are now longer commited to Christ, instead preaching a watered down, politically correct “gospel” which is an abomination in the Lord’s eyes.

    Unfortunately it appears that America once a great nation founded on Christian beliefs is soon to follow the example of Europe and fully embrace secularism and socialism. I pray that the Lord tarry not much longer, for the whole world is going to hell.

  83. Concern troll said,

    April 5, 2009 at 22:59

    I am concerned for you crazy libs because making fun of a great American like Glenn Beck will make you crazy libs look crazy.

    So what if he got a few facts wrong? Patriotism is not about dotting all the t’s and crossing all the i’s. It’s about sticking to your talking points in a moderately coherent manner.

  84. Hoosier X said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:12

    Patriotism is the first refuge of the scoundrel.

    I would like to thank Glenn Beck for providing some very compelling proof for this statement.

  85. Lesley said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:15

    Maybe “Harry who runs the jib camera” can accidentally run into Glen Beck with it.

  86. SomeNYGuy said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:16

    Anyone else hear calliope music just now?

    Calliope music, joy buzzers, whoopee cushions and a singing saw.

    Note to the AV squad: focus, please!

  87. Joe Max said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:24

    Also, Wilson’s view on pre-emptive war,
    http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1343.html
    and colored folks.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woodrow_Wilson#Wilson_and_race

    He seems like a wingnut wet dream.

    A neo-conservative’s dream, actually, but they overlap with the wingnuts, which is how we ended up with this mess.

    Neo-con foreign policy is known as “Hard Wilsonianism” is PoliSci-speak.

    From the WSJ (in 2002):

    The most prominent champions of this view inside the administration are Vice President Dick Cheney and Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz. Their agenda is known as “neoconservatism,” though a more accurate term might be “hard Wilsonianism.” Advocates of this view embrace Woodrow Wilson’s championing of American ideals but reject his reliance on international organizations and treaties to accomplish our objectives. (“Soft Wilsonians,” a k a liberals, place their reliance, in Charles Krauthammer’s trenchant phrase, on paper, not power.) Like Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan, “hard Wilsonians” want to use American might to promote American ideals.

    http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110002840

  88. AV 1611 Defender said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:26

    On Jan 20, 1993 the US gov’t became evil – overnight.
    On Jan 20, 2001 the US gov’t became good – overnight.
    On Jan 20, 2009 the US gov’t became evil – overnight.

    Wait a minute, I think I have something wrong with this chronology. Who was president again from 2001 to 2009? I seem to have forgotten.

  89. Smut Clyde said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:29

    Camels too.
    You’ve forgotten Rule 1 of R. A. Lafferty Club — Don’t mention the camels!

  90. AV 1611 Defender said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:30

    Any Gospel preached other that Jesus Christ and Him crucified, is false and not of God.

    God’s plan of salvation is simple.

    1. Know that God loves you. John 3:16: For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

    2. Know that you are a sinner and need God. Romans 3:23: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.

    3. Know there is a penalty for your sin. Romans 6:23: For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

    4. Know that neither you, nor works can save you. Ephesians 2:8,9: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: It is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

    5. Believe that Jesus Christ payed the penalty for your sin on the
    cross. Romans 5:8: But God commendeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.

    6. Recieve Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Romans 10:9: That if though shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

    All men are sinners, and as a sinner you are destined to die and spend eternity in a devil’s hell. However God loves you so much that He sent Jesus Christ His Only Son into the world in the form of a man. He died on the cross in your place to pay the penalty for your sin. He was buried and three days later He physically rose from the dead.

    If you believe this with all of your heart and wish to trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior, pray a simple prayer such as this one and ask Him to save you, and He will. Romans 10:13: For whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved.

    Dear Lord Jesus, I admit that I am a sinner. I believe that you died on a cross in my place to pay the penalty for my sin. I believe you were buried and rose from the dead. Please save my soul and come into my life as my Lord and Savior. I thank you for forgiving me and giving me eternal life. In Jesus name Amen.

    My friend if you prayed this prayer and truly meant it you are now a child of God and have eternal life.

  91. g said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:35

    If Wilson’s actions were the beginning of the movement of the U.S. into socialism and fascism and away from the true American values we all hold dear, how does that explain the fact that true prosperity and power didn’t come to be in the U.S. until AFTER the policies of Wilson and FDR came to fruition?

    If you want to turn back to the time before Wilson and FDR, better develop your taste for corn pone with sorghum syrup on it for dinner. Cause the US was neither powerful nor prominent before the 20th century.

    Of course, it could have been the influx of all those non-English-speaking immigrants that really spurred economic growth and power….. whaddya think?

  92. Jehovah, Lord of Hosts said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:40

    Now watch this drive!

  93. Olexicon said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:44

    Actually I’m hearing “wacky sax”

  94. Rusty Shackleford said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:46

    Glenn, you seem a little agitated. Maybe you should have a drink.

  95. g said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:47

    Oh fer fucks’s sake. Who let the missionary in? The last time we opened our screen door to one of them, they let the pet cockatoo escape.

  96. Jesus said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:48

    Give it a rest.

    And stop obsessing on my horrible, horrible death.

    I always hoped I’d be remembered for my message.

    At least, try to ACT like you think “Judge not, lest ye be judged” is something I said.

  97. m1k3y said,

    April 5, 2009 at 23:51

    What an AWFUL moment to discover that I need a Greasemonkey update.

    Shit.

    Hold that (those?) thoughts, AVandabunchanumbers.

    I’ll be right back to hit the kill switch…

    mikey

  98. AV 1611 Defender said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:01

    I am really, really scared about dying. I don’t want to think I’m just worm food.

    Wait a minute, a bunch of nomadic bronze-age illiterates came up with a solution for my fear! I’m glad their mythology will make me live forevah!

  99. Dan Someone said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:03

    I’m waiting for Glenn Beck’s next shocking expose, when he finds the crescent moons on ancient Roman coins — conclusive proof that the Romans were really Scary Mooslims, 800 years before the founding of Islam.

  100. Candy said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:05

    Is this AV thing a parody or a real whackadoodle? I can’t tell anymore. Actually, I don’t think it really matters.

    Reading the Jebus ranting, I guess it probably is a real nut. s’okay, I just scrolled past it.

    Sadly,no has been more than a bit difficult of access this weekend. I’ve had trouble getting on here in the first place, and when I did manage to get it to load it was so slow as to be unworkable. It made me sad, and not in a happy sad sadly way, if that makes any sense.

  101. El Cid said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:10

    John 3:16 v2: For God so loved the world he knocked up Joseph’s fiance, Mary.

  102. Georgie teh Tourettes Cockatoo said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:13

    Rawwk! Poop!

  103. tensor said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:18

    Wilson’s racism and imperialism were the norms for their time; we may as well attack him for the clothes he wore. Hell, “don’t immediately kill ALL of the wogs with poison gas, most of them are still good for hard labor,” WAS the liberal position for decades thereafter.

    Had Beck known anything at all about anything at all, he would have identified what others here have noted: Wilson’s mendacious warmongering and actual authoritarianism. His entire re-election campaign in 1916 was against our intervening in The Great War; Elements of General Pershing’s First Division paraded in Paris on 4 July 1917, blatantly turning our national day of liberation from European political foolishness into an armed endorsement of it. (John Keegan, “The First World War”.) He authorized the Creel Committee to sell the war, which they did with modern mass-marketing methods. It was this, along with the Palmer raids on pacifists, which marks Wilson in the tradition of 20th-Century authoritarianism. If one wants to leap to calling Wilson a proto-fascist, his real actions would make a better springboard for that leap than Beck’s coin-wankery. (Then again, we can think of one reason for Beck to avoid the “great big propaganda evil” angle: his paycheck.)

    With our nation’s embrace of socialism came forth secularism and the increased acceptance of abortion and homosexuality as societal norms.

    And the Lord did then send a plague of batshit-crazy wingnut trolls upon every lefty humor blog, to punish them mightily and to make them feel bitter and act foolish, amen.

    /Michael Palin

  104. Wyatt Watts III said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:31

    For the wages of sin is death…

    …but, look on the bright side, at least you’re getting paid, which in this economy is really saying something.

  105. Jennifer said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:34

    Even some churches are now longer commited to Christ, instead preaching a watered down, politically correct “gospel” which is an abomination in the Lord’s eyes.

    Says who? Your preacher? Oh, yeah, he’s infalliable, just like Jesus himself, I suppose. Unlike the rest of us poor schmucks.

  106. Georgie teh Tourettes Cockatoo said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:43

    John PENIS 3:14159: For God so FELCH loved the world he BUTTOCKS gave us pie.

  107. m1k3y said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:44

    Memo to the Masters of teh Sadly Domain.

    There are a very limited number of things that can cause your website’s performance to degrade to this level. They are relatively simple to identify and cure. A few hours, maybe. But DAYS? In 2009? Really?

    Does it strike you as odd that you see these problems with neither smaller, less active sites, nor with very large sites that host huge amounts of content and an order of magnitude more concurrent users than S,N?

    It could be your server is overtaxed. This is cured with additional memory, storage or moving to a multiple server environment. It is the least likely explanation for this site’s performance.

    Your network connectivity may be the problem. Are the router tables correct and up to date? Is the router “flapping”, continuously resetting or reloading? Is the router or one of the internal network switches defective? Noise is your enemy, as are spurious or poorly managed packets. This is somewhat more likely than the servers being over capacity, but it’s very easy to trace and solve. One assumes this has already been checked.

    So it’s very likely an internet traffic problem. Your host is responsible for this, unless you are hosting at home. It might be malicious, and that might be aimed at you or some other site hosted on the same network. It might be completely innocent. Either way, network traffic management is quite mature. There are tools and scripts that can be used to look at the packets and take appropriate actions, from ignoring dummy requests to discarding malformed packets to prioritizing traffic. This is the likeliest source of the performance problem, but if it is the case, your host is not living up to their end of the agreement. Your contract may even include boilerplate SLAs you can bludgeon them with – if you have no SLAs, you clearly need to negotiate a minimal performance level, or find a webhost who is not a Dick.

    Hell, dood, I’ve FIRED people for letting server performance degrade. You shouldn’t stand for it…

    mikey

  108. Jennifer said,

    April 6, 2009 at 0:46

    For those of you who haven’t seen Religulous, this clip is well worth a view. Yes, Bill Maher is a douchebag, but trust me, you’ll enjoy the priest in the clip.

  109. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    April 6, 2009 at 1:05

    Hell, dood, I’ve FIRED people for letting server performance degrade. You shouldn’t stand for it…

    mikey
    ====================================================
    It’s an attack by the trollo-nazis.

  110. gocart mozart said,

    April 6, 2009 at 1:31

    Also, PENIS

    http://www.churchhopping.com/ten-verses-never-preached-on/

  111. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    April 6, 2009 at 1:49

    O mikey, let the Sadlies have a weekend with their friends and famblies. We can killfile the trolls on their own, and isn’t there a drink or a meal pending that can command our attention?

  112. J— said,

    April 6, 2009 at 1:53

    For the wages of sin is death

    Let’s put that to music.

  113. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:17

    Wait a minute, I think I have something wrong with this chronology. Who was president again from 2001 to 2009? I seem to have forgotten.

    You have Busheimer’s Disease.

  114. m1k3y said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:20

    Well, my undead friend, there is an opening day baseball game on the noisy-box.

    I’m making spring rolls, and then I’m going to make some egg foo yung and serve it all over rice with some decent sake. I’ve been planning this meal for two weeks. I love these things…

    mikey

  115. Frustrated Troll said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:32

    Hey! None of you libs have dared to refute my scintillating premises or my devastating rejoinders. C’mon libbies, I’m waiting!

    And stop using my name to post silly stuff I don’t even agree with! That’s just childish!

    How dare you all ignore me and refuse to engage my arguments. What’s the matter? Are you all scared I’ll change your liberal minds?

    C’mon, argue with me! Talk to me! Validate my existence! Hurry up, my mom wants to use the computer!

  116. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:35

    Well, my left coaster, OD or no, it’s cold and windy up here in the Cheeseland, so I’m winging a stew-type roast thing, and while it is on it’s way, I’m patiently working my way through a bottle of rum, while doing a little Klark Kent work and watching old MST3K eps. It kinda works, yanno? Dog on one side, cat on the other….

  117. Smut Clyde said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:39

    For the wages of sin is death
    Once I joined the Union, we were able to negotiate a much better salary package. You should see the overtime rates.

  118. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:44

    Well, my frustrated trolly friend, I confess I HAVE changed my mind.

    On to a second bottle of rum, I’m not so sure the stew is all that important anymore….

  119. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:54

    Actually, mikey, I kind of like the new, less-frantic Sadly, No pace. read a couple, write a comment, hit submit, go freshen the drink and check on the food while waiting…

    It’s got kind of a workable pace….

  120. PeeJ said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:55

    m1k3y, thanks for keeping up this blogs food and wine cred even while the hamsters are apparently suffering from caridac arrest.

    It’s spring in the great Pacific NW and I’m heading out to grill some chicken parts. Just a light lemon and oil marinade/basting with lots of kosher salt and frech ground tellichery pepper. They will be served with dollops of tarragon butter. Alongside a nice french style potato salad (I highly recommend my friend Jaques Pepin’s from Cooking with Julia and Jaques which is available online). And maybe some blanched green beans with shallots and toasted almond slivers.

    I think I’ll whip up some chocolate pudding and top it with coffee/rum whipped cream.

    Bon appetit!

  121. Arky said,

    April 6, 2009 at 2:55

    Memo to the Masters of teh Sadly Domain ^please give the hamsters some more pellets.

    Amended.

  122. Another Kiwi said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:29

    Or make the hamsters into jam which can ,as a sideline, be used to grow tulips.
    Yes folks, Tulips from Hamster jam! Thanks dad.

    Glenn Beck is a damaged individual and should be put to work in a community workshop where he can make mailboxes and not talk to anyone. He could earn $150 dollars a week and have the weekends off when he can watch the carton channel.

  123. Eric said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:32

    Anyone else hear calliope music just now?

    SATANIC calliope music! (well, just the last minute or so of the video)

  124. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:32

    Glenn Beck is a damaged individual and should be put to work in a community workshop where he can make mailboxes and not talk to anyone. He could earn $150 dollars a week and have the weekends off when he can watch the carton channel.

    If he’s already making mailboxes, why would he want to watch educational TV about making cartons on his day off?

  125. M. Bouffant said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:34

    Ha ha, I am on dial-up & don’t notice how slow the hamsters are.

    Bacon for breakfast (at 1700, I’m totally decadent). Preceded by a banana. Followed by four Vache Qui Rit cheese thingies. And some water. Possible Campbell’s Chunky Clam Chowder later, may be w/ bacon, garlic & some onions added.

    You gourmets feeling queasy yet?

  126. ckc (not kc) said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:35

    oh, man… I LOVE the carton channel! (very boxy!)

  127. OneMan said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:44

    ‘Is the router “flapping”…’

    Heh, I really dig those flapper routers, what with their strings of perls, cute little hats, silky dresses and feathers and lace just everywhere. And the way they dance, with their knees and elbows going one direction, heels going the other, it’s just darling.

    What? Oh. Never mind.

  128. Another Kiwi said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:51

    The carton channel. Sodding hell , I used to be able to type in English.

  129. Steerpike said,

    April 6, 2009 at 3:56

    Ooooh, foodies, yes! I made pork loin meddallions for dinner with a nice orange marmalade glaze, with steamed rice pilaf and roasted vegies. Unfortunately too cold here in Denver right now for BBQ, although my son made some nice chicken, shrimp and pineapple skewers last week during a break in the freaky spring storm weather pattern we’ve been enduring.

    bon appetit!

  130. Froley said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:06

    Axes of evil?

    Thank you and goodnight.

  131. Smut Clyde said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:07

    I inspissated a batch of capsicum jam today — exerting great self-control in the use of chillies — but I know of no recipes for hamsters.

  132. Steerpike said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:13

    “inspissated”?

    Man I don’t know how to react to a verb like that. Sounds like something they did to prisoners at Bagram…

  133. Smut Clyde said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:22

    Oscar Just Alison said it first.

  134. Steerpike said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:30

    And speaking of which, can we please stop referring to these prisoners as “detainees”? Sounds like they’ve experienced some minor inconvenience. “Sorry I couldn’t make our lunch date, I was detained at the office.” Legally, someone can be “detained” for questioning, or pending investigation of suspected wrongdoing, but this is by definition a temprary situation. Police can’t “detain” anyone for more than 24 hours without charging that person with a crime. Some of these people have been in “detention” for over seven years! Let’s agree to call them what they are: Political Prisoners.

  135. Honus said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:30

    There are dozens of swastika tiles in the floor of the Catholic cathedral in Wheeling, W. Va. I remember seeing them as a kid, and verified the memory when I went back a few years ago for a friend’s daughter’s wedding. I don’t know what the symbolism was when they were put there, but I assume the Diocese of Wheeling wasn’t a big supporter of Hitler.

  136. m1k3y said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:32

    I’m pretty sure the Pueblo County Sheriffs bags fulla dicks inpissated me repeatedly after I hit that deputy with a shovel.

    Man, I was lumpy for a month, but I’da hit that cocksucker with any large metallic object even knowing the outcome.

    Whatever you call it, I pissed blood for four months.

    Dogfuckers…

    mikey

  137. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    April 6, 2009 at 4:45

    there are certain words that are in and of themselves terrifying

    K-Lo’s Bikini Wax

    John Bolton’s Mustache Comb

    “Hey, I found this in the cushion of Jonah Goldberg’s chair.”

  138. g said,

    April 6, 2009 at 5:07

    Sigh. It’s leftovers for me. The spouse is out of town and I’m on my own. Doggie-bag Italian restaurant food for dinner – but it was damn good the first time, so it should be good the second time.

  139. john in california said,

    April 6, 2009 at 5:09

    I hope no one lets him see a pack of camels…

  140. robert green said,

    April 6, 2009 at 5:10

    oh it’s on now. this thread was getting BORING

    got a prime rib at a great butcher in town (5 ribs), black italian rice cooked in the pan then tossed with sea salt and olive oil, mixed green salad with sweet one hundred tomatoes, toasted pine nuts, and goat cheese

    caramel bread pudding for dessert with fresh strawberries washed down with a sparkling syrah that was delicious (and cheap! like 15 a bottle).

    crowd went home happy.

    also, since glenn beck himself doesn’t actually believe the crap he spouts, it’s even more hateful.

  141. Steerpike said,

    April 6, 2009 at 5:28

    Currently watching “Breaking Bad” on AMC and checking the thread during commercials. Anyone else hooked on this show?

  142. She said, She said,

    April 6, 2009 at 6:33

    Hmm..Cymbalism. Is that anything like Turntablism?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turntablism

  143. triozyg said,

    April 6, 2009 at 7:08

    “Herds have certain limits. You can’t get sheep to cluster and run by approaching slowly and loudly, pretending to be a big, menacing ferret.”

    But you can do some really cool things with sheep, sheepdogs and flashing light thingies:

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8pdw9_samsung-extreme-sheep-led-art

  144. protected static said,

    April 6, 2009 at 7:31

    @gocart mozart: If Bali threw you for a loop, skip the historic Jewish Quarter in Cochin, India where you can see buildings decorated with both swastikas and Stars of David. Even knowing the reasons behind it, the juxtaposition still made my brain hurt…

  145. Brandi said,

    April 6, 2009 at 7:47

    just testing something.

    Also, for foodie interest: I may try to make anadama bread this week.

  146. Anne Laurie said,

    April 6, 2009 at 7:49

    Between his zeal to get the US involved in WW1, his proclivity for intervening in Central America, his shameless racism and his cavalier-at-best approach to free speech and civil liberties, I nominate Woodrow Wilson for the twentieth century’s first modern Republican president.

    I just read Auchincloss’ short biography of Teddy Roosevelt, where he theorizes that the “Progressives” (i.e., sane people) never whole-heartedly returned to the Republican Party after decamping for Roosevelt’s third-party protest in 1912. What he doesn’t stress is that arguably Roosevelt also enabled Wilson to go full metal authoritarian after the election. It’s dispiriting to realize that someone I’ve always had a soft spot for (as a native New Yorker) may have been instrumental in the slow-motion destruction of the best of both major American political parties, and all in the name of populism… and, of course, God!

  147. commie atheist said,

    April 6, 2009 at 7:53

    But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. –Glenn Beck

    Actually, he’s a rodeo clown:

    http://gawker.com/5189897/glenn-beck-calls-himself-a-rodeo-clown

  148. Johnny Pez said,

    April 6, 2009 at 8:02

    I’m still waiting for Beck to tie all this in with the moon landing hoax.

  149. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    April 6, 2009 at 11:58

    More proof of global cooling!

    Someone alert G.F.tWill.

  150. alec said,

    April 6, 2009 at 12:19

    Wilson’s racism and imperialism were the norms for their time; we may as well attack him for the clothes he wore. Hell, “don’t immediately kill ALL of the wogs with poison gas, most of them are still good for hard labor,” WAS the liberal position for decades thereafter.

    Someone has a crush on adorable li’l Winston Churchill.

    I just read Auchincloss’ short biography of Teddy Roosevelt, where he theorizes that the “Progressives” (i.e., sane people) never whole-heartedly returned to the Republican Party after decamping for Roosevelt’s third-party protest in 1912. What he doesn’t stress is that arguably Roosevelt also enabled Wilson to go full metal authoritarian after the election. It’s dispiriting to realize that someone I’ve always had a soft spot for (as a native New Yorker) may have been instrumental in the slow-motion destruction of the best of both major American political parties, and all in the name of populism… and, of course, God!

    My personal hypothesis is this: beginning in 1865, the Republican Party essentially became the default party for politically active people; you were either a Republican, a machine man, or a radical of some kind. And ‘radical’ would mean something completely untranslatable in terms of modern American politics – the radical Republicans (who tended to stay home rather than voting Dem as a protest, which made them unique and ultimately curtailed their influence) were the equivalent of the DNC having a wing with membership in the Socialist International, and that wing making up between a tenth and a fifth of the vote. And being accepted generally as in the right – with the exception of a few devoted assholes like the Postmaster-General Fremont threatened to spoil the 1864 election over, the Republicans thought of the Radicals as admirable if overzealous cousins for most of the realignment era.

    Because of this situation, in national terms the political establishment became completely occupied by the GOP. (Various local political and economic establishments were incorporated into the Democratic Party, mainly in the reconstruction-era South and proto-Boswash immigrants.) The political/economic elite eventually became a Republican staple – but after about twenty years of that, it came to the point that the Republicans’ complete dominance of ‘serious’ political agents no longer meant they’d rule forever. Losing the Presidency wasn’t a big deal – between the impeachment of Johnson and the decision that Grant (kind of a mixture of Lincoln’s morality and Powell’s political acumen) was too ignorant to be blamed for Credit Mobilier (the biggest fraud in national history for some time), it was a sort of second golden era of American parliamentarism – but even the threat of having to share legislative power posed all kinds of grave threats. (I mean, to be fair, they’d be sharing it either with single-issue hicks or Lost Cause dipshits, but still.)

    So the Republican Party became basically about keeping the Republican Party afloat, and that meant gradually paring down on any influences outside of business. Which wound up turning the party into a mercurial pair of nested tents, one very big and one very small and their common axis in constant motion. One generation they crushed a couple of client states on the exclusive say-so of an unimportant fruit monopoly; the next they were pouring money into grand global engineering schemes and getting suddenly concerned about abusive trusts.

    A good bellwether is Mark Twain – he was almost certainly a Republican most of his adult life (he published Grant’s memoirs and was by all accounts a friend); but at some point the Party no longer had room for a reflexively cynical anti-imperial socialist, no matter how big or important.

    Because we’re only separated from Glenn Beck by a willingness to admit our limitations and the possession of marbles, we tend to conflate the ‘liberal’ (i.e. pre-Reagan) Republicans for the Lincolnian tendency now deceased. The reality is that the liberal Republicans were their day and age’s Goldwaters – their vocation was gobbling down corporate shaft more or less indiscriminately, as opposed to the Reaganites’ awful cliquish junior-high circle-jerking.

    But you can do some really cool things with sheep, sheepdogs and flashing light thingies:

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8pdw9_samsung-extreme-sheep-led-art

    Fun fact: guard llamas.

    And speaking of which, can we please stop referring to these prisoners as “detainees”? Sounds like they’ve experienced some minor inconvenience. “Sorry I couldn’t make our lunch date, I was detained at the office.” Legally, someone can be “detained” for questioning, or pending investigation of suspected wrongdoing, but this is by definition a temprary situation. Police can’t “detain” anyone for more than 24 hours without charging that person with a crime. Some of these people have been in “detention” for over seven years! Let’s agree to call them what they are: Political Prisoners.

    I dunno. It’s an obvious attempt to euphemize away the crass, nasty belief by Washington that it has the power of life or death over whoever it likes whenever it likes, but ‘permanent detainees’ has a certain quasi-Orwellian ring to it. ‘Detain’ has a specific timeliness to it; it’s not something you’re allowed to do to someone forever. And yet here we are.

    John PENIS 3:14159: For God so FELCH loved the world he BUTTOCKS gave us pie.

    for every teabagger who isn’t Odom, Ezekiel 16:33-34; for giving Mickey Kaus blue balls, Ezek. 23:20; the list goes on.

    They called ‘em ‘prophets’ for a reason.

  151. a different mikey said,

    April 6, 2009 at 13:37

    It was food craziness here tonight and it is all the fault of the upcoming Jazzfest in NOLA. Cheeseburgers from one of our neighbor’s cows were on the menu when I realized I had a couple of dozen Apalachicola oysters in the fridge. Once I had the fryer going onion rings seemed like a good idea.

    The Tremé Burger

    with tomato, melted jack, fried oysters, onion rings and mayo on our house sourdough toast

    It worked, it really worked. New Orleans makes all kind of things seem possible.

  152. tb said,

    April 6, 2009 at 15:56

    That does it, I’m going to New Orleans. As long as you’re talking about real oysters and not alligator nuts or something.

  153. Zandar1 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 16:08

    Oh garcon, one for the DOOM BUNKER please.

  154. g said,

    April 6, 2009 at 16:10

    Mmmm…..I’ll have one. Hold the burger.

  155. Joe Piscopo, Sports! said,

    April 6, 2009 at 16:27

    The BIG STORY: Fasces! Dimes! March of Dimes! FDR! Polio? NO!!! New Deal! FASCISM!!!

  156. actor212 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 16:37

    But TinTin! The coin was taken out of circulation by a DemocRAT president who was a 33rd level member of the Freemasons (Scottish Contingent)! And a founding member of the Trilateral Commission! And a proponent of the prototype for the New World Order, the United Nations!

    How can you ignore such concrete evidence?????? OHMYGOD!!!!!!!

  157. Gilgamesh Jr. said,

    April 6, 2009 at 17:41

    I don’t know if anybody pointed this out already (I can read no more comments because my eyeballs have exploded), but in addition to the fasces (adopted as a symbol by France in WWI, as well), the swastika is another commonly used symbol.

    According to Beck’s logic, India 5,000 years ago was a Nazi regime, the Hopi and Navajo were Nazis, and as the ‘crooked cross’ was used as a symbol in early Christianity, probably the Christians are Nazis too.

    Hmmm.

  158. Flying Junior said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:01

    Historical fact – almost irrelevant! Mercury dimes were still in circulation for twenty years after they quit minting them. I remember being a child in 1964 counting out change and seeing them all the time. It was only when we quit making silver dimes that people horded them.

  159. Woodrowfan said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:06

    While Wilson’s racial record is awful as is his record on civil liberties during WWI, he also pushed through most of the Progressive reforms still waiting in the wings including the first 8 hour day law, child labor law, the Federal Reserve, the first income tax, which was heavily weighted towards the wealthy and, combined with tariff reform, substantially shifted the tax burden from the working classes to the wealthy. He was a late convert to national woman’s suffrage but it was his intervention that pushed the 19th amendment through Congress.

    He pushed back against substantial political pressure to invade Mexico from TR and Hearst and the American business community and his ordering the taking of Veracruz in 1914 was designed to stop an arms shipment from reaching a pro-American business dictator in order to help the revolutionaries. What? Smedley Butler said it was to protect American oil industry? Sorry, General butler was dead wrong. The oil port was Tampico, NOT Veracruz. Look at the maps of the oil pipelines from the Mexican oil fields (I have) and they all go to Tampico. The US fleet pulled out of Tampico to take Veracruz, much to the anger of the US oil business. And when the US military insisted that they had to take over the rest of Mexico to protect our keeping Veracruz, Wilson refused. Wilson turned to John Reed (yes, that John Reed) for advice on Mexico and sent Reed’s articles to his ambassadors to read telling them that Reed understood Mexico.

    Yeah, he sent US troops after Panco Villa in 1916. He’d resisted intervening despite numerous raids by the Mexican military into Texas before March 1916. Villa’s raid was just too much to ignore.

    Yes, he campaigned on his keeping the US out of WWI. Look at the political pressure he was under after May 1915 to intervene from TR and the real war mongers. No, he didn’t intervene to protect US loans. The US didn’t realize the allies were losing the war until AFTER the US entered the war. besides, all those bankers were big Republican donors, Wilson didn’t owe them squat. As for the League, it would have given a far larger voice to small nations than they’d ever had before.

    Yeah, he was a racist SOB who loved “darkie” jokes. No, he wasn’t a Klan member. he thought they were a bunch of thugs and DW Griffith cherry-picked his quotes for “Birth of a Nation.” And it wasn’t the first movie shown at the White House. They screened the Italian drama Cabirea (sp) in 1914. And no, he didn’t praise “Birth” with “it’s all so terribly true.” he allowed his cabinet to segregate most of the federal government, but didn’t insist if his cabinet secretaries refused, such as the Secretary of Labor who refused. I notice the Republicans after him didn’t bother to reverse the segregation either. He also appointed the first Catholic and Jewish faculty members at Princeton (while keeping it all white) and the first Jewish member of the US Supreme Court.

    Wilson fought against the reactionary privileges of the rich at Princeton, which cost him his job as University President, and as President with his tax policies. Yeah, his record on the IWW was dreadful, but the AFofL strongly supported him and he had the most pro-labor record of any president before FDR. For that matter, he had the most Progressive record of any President prior to FDR, beating even Teddy. THAT’S why the RW hates him. He set the model followed by FDR and Truman.

    Don’t let the fact that his civil liberties record during the war, and his race record for his entire 8 terms blind the modern left to the fact that he was a Progressive. the RW hated him for siding with workers and consumers and for small business against big business. They called him a socialist, just like they do Obama.

    Oh, and for the troll above, the 16th Amendment was passed and ratified BEFORE Wilson became President. it was ratified in February 1913, he became President in March. he was the first to use it though, and his income tax put the burden on the top 10%.

  160. Longstreet63 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:08

    It’s just as I’ve always said. It’s the Romans’ fault.

    Everything.

  161. nationalplumbingcodehandbook said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:23

    …Jonah Goldberg device…

    I’m beginning to think that there should have been _a lot_ more push back against the Goldberg device. Just blowing him off was a mistake. It’s like ignoring those hideous Heritage Foundation books from Reagan years. Just because they are stupid, really mind boggling stupid, doesn’t mean that every winger isn’t going to take them heart. (In fact, it probably means they _will_ believe every bit.)

    It’s depressing seeing Liberal Fascism show up in every other second and third tier winger blog. They usually say “Goldberg’s argument is very detailed and researched and the lefties just don’t how to react given such intellectual brilliance. They just dismiss Goldberg and don’t argue that his work is incorrect.” And so on.

    I have a feeling that we’ll still be dealing with the Goldberg device twenty years from now. Argh. Not funny.

  162. Concern Troll Is Concerned said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:25

    See? There you go again. You liberals just can’t stop making fun of the mentally ill.

  163. stryx said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:31

    George Bush gave a speech in Cincinnati once.

    Cincinnati was named by Arthur St.Clair in honor of the Society of the Cincinnati, an organization of military officers who served in the Revolutionary War. They named their group after Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus.

    In a park along the Ohio River there is a very nice statue of Cincinnatus.

    Benito Mussolini doesn’t enter this story until much later.

  164. actor212 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 18:44

    And it’s pronounced SinSinNa(s)ty!

    THERE’S YOUR PROOF!

  165. Phylum Chordata said,

    April 6, 2009 at 19:00

    The sound editor for that video must have been out taking a whiz.

  166. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 6, 2009 at 19:20

    Call the board of directors and have them send a strongly worded memo to the media group!

  167. stryx said,

    April 6, 2009 at 19:25

    There’s a reason it’s called the Queen City.

    (Don’t miss the bonus Althaus in my last link….)

  168. PeeJ said,

    April 6, 2009 at 19:51

    Didja get this thing fixt yet?

    Apparently not.

  169. Oregon Guy said,

    April 6, 2009 at 20:26

    Waitagoddamminute… you FRIED Appalachicola Oysters?!?!

    AAARRHGGH.

    That, friends, is a sin.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the burgers were delectable. But frying the most savory and delicious oysters teh werld has ever known… BLASPHEMY

    My foodie note: my sweet bride is entering her thirties for realz today so I’m taking her out for a grown-up dinner at the Hau Tree Lanai in Waikiki.

  170. actor212 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 20:37

    My foodie note: my sweet bride is entering her thirties for realz

    For steaks made from unaged meat, I recommend a nice Chianti, or even a Merlot.

  171. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    April 6, 2009 at 20:39

    You liberals can’t stop your bigotry toward the undead. Also.

    A few bad revenants Munch a few brains and everybody ASSUMES that all we want is BRANES…. How many zombies are in Obama’s administration?

    You libbs really need to own up to your bigotry before I’ll take you seriously.

  172. cowalker said,

    April 6, 2009 at 20:43

    From Distributorcap NY’s blog
    http://distributorcapny.blogspot.com/2009/02/brother-can-you-spare.html

    Soon after Frankin Roosevelt died in April 1945, legislation was introduced to replace the Mercury dime with an image of Roosevelt. . . .

    The obverse shows FDR facing left. The dime’s reverse is a torch, olive branch and oak branch (representing liberty, peace and victory). The designer of the coin – John Sinnock placed his initials “JS” near the base of Roosevelt’s neck.

    Almost immediately after the coin’s release in 1946, rumors started that the JS letters on the dime were really the initials of Joseph Stalin and the US Mint was actually infiltrated by communist spies (this is America folks, land of complete stupidity).

    So, the first thing those seeking to overthrow a government do is to sneak ambiguous symbols into the currency/statuary/architecture because . . . . Shut the fuck up, that’s why?

    Did the Muslims anticipate the fascists and the communists by slipping the pyramid into U.S. symbols back in 1778?
    http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Continental_$50_note_1778_pyramid.jpg

    Wait a minute. Doesn’t that picture look more like a ziggurat than a pyramid? And where did they build ziggurats but in Mesopotamia, which today is IRAQ !!11eleventy-one!!111
    http://www.nlcs.k12.in.us/oljrhi/brown/mesopotamia/meso.htm

    So our “pre-emptive” invasion of Iraq was actually Bush’s response to Iraq’s symbolic expression in 1778 of their intent to overthrow the United States! Get off his back people, and start praising his ability to see back past the communist and fascist threats to the true enemy of America since 1778!

  173. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 6, 2009 at 20:46

    You liberals can’t stop your bigotry toward the undead.

    The undead need to step up and take responsibility for their gangrene activity.

  174. actor212 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 20:51

    The Republicans would like to lower taxes on the wealthy undead.

  175. mikey said,

    April 6, 2009 at 21:08

    Oh sure, the Undead have a pretty good PR operation, but down here in the ‘hood we have to live with them!

    First a couple move into the condo complex. Then, the next thing you know, rotting limbs in the pool, shambling at all hours of the day and night, and y’know, as a group their hygiene is, well, questionable at best.

    Now I’m not gonna complain about the occasional missing kid or dog, but what is this thing the undead have for Barry Manilow tunes?

    Gad, it’s appalling…

    mikey

  176. bayville said,

    April 6, 2009 at 21:38

    Thank God this Beck guy’s drivel is confined to the internets.
    I mean, it would be scary if Beck actually had a daily radio and television show because it wou…….huh, … what’s that?….oh… never mind.

  177. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    April 6, 2009 at 22:07

    Hey, a few rotting apples don’t spoil the whole condo complex!!

  178. Smut Clyde said,

    April 6, 2009 at 22:26

    Latin is a dead language.
    Therefore zombies all speak Latin.
    The Pope also speaks Latin.
    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  179. gocart mozart said,

    April 6, 2009 at 22:38

    Hey Gavin or Brad, howzabout a new thread fer crissakes. Has Michelle Bachmann said anything krazy recently?

    Why yes, yes she has.

    “I believe that there is a very strong chance that we will see that young people will be put into mandatory service. And the real concerns is that there are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people have to go and get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward and then they have to go to work in some of these politically correct forums.” —Michele Bachmann on Senator Kennedy’s Serve America Act, cosponsored by Republican Senator Orrin Hatch
    http://www.bobcesca.com/

  180. actor212 said,

    April 6, 2009 at 22:40

    Latin is a dead language.

    So was Austrian until Obama resurrected it this weekend.

  181. Rusty Shackleford said,

    April 6, 2009 at 22:51

    I hope S,N! gets the tech difficulties worked out soon. I can’t get ALL my snark from lolcats.

  182. internal exile said,

    April 6, 2009 at 22:59

    but I assume the Diocese of Wheeling wasn’t a big supporter of Hitler.

    Why do you assume that?

    When was the Diocese built?

    The Catholic church was thick as thieves with Mussolini, in fact it was Mussolini who created the governmental entity known as the Vatican City.

  183. Fredegunde said,

    April 6, 2009 at 23:27

    One can say many things good and bad about Wilson, but I don’t think “warmonger” was one of them. Because WWI wasn’t a “good” war for Americans, not in the sense that you can tell rousing tales of heroism, we tend to dismiss it as “unnecessary”–i.e., we just should have let the two sides fight it out.

    WWI was in fact a fight for democracy, just as it was a fight with clear baddies and goodies. Much, much work has been done on the causes and stakes of the war, much too much to be summarized here.

    As for America’s stake in it, we had just as great a moral interest as in The Good War (all those atrocities early in the war that everyone now thinks were propaganda and never happened? They happened. Germans *did* murder babies in Belgium). There were also more pragmatic reasons, such as trade, and the fact that Germany had also been rattling its sword at us as well as England and France (after the Spanish-American war, an Imperial battleship sailed into Manila Harbor and tried to claim the Philippines on behalf of the Kaiser).

    So, yeah, the American government had a lot of interest in Germany’s defeat. The problem, of course, was that public sentiment wasn’t on its side, not until 1917. But we certainly weren’t neutral: our trade with the la Boche was pretty token, enough to pretend evenhandedness. All of our serious trade was in support of France’s and England’s war effort. And boy did we profit handsomely! It was the last golden age of family farming, for one. And it was a golden age for everyone linked to trade and industry, too, since all the money lent out had to be spent in the United States, on American goods.

    It’s interesting that America decided to forget the Great War–believe me, the monuments to American heroism are endless in northern France. They have not forgotten, even all these years later. I have a few good things to say about Wilson, and our entry into the Great War is certainly one of them.

  184. Mouthful of Kelp said,

    April 6, 2009 at 23:37

    It’s official. Michelle Bachmann thinks South Park is a documentary.

  185. PeeJ said,

    April 6, 2009 at 23:46

    There’s an interesting latin lesson here.

  186. Southern Beale said,

    April 6, 2009 at 23:55

    ZOMG whatever you do, do NOT show Glenn Beck an old Native American blanket with the symbol of the four winds on it, which looks exactly like a swastika, in fact, it’s possible the Nazi’s bogarted the symbol from some mythological source, but the fact that the American Indians used the Swastika BEFORE the Nazis even existed is just PROOF that we’re all Nazis and we’re all dooooomed!!!!!!!

    Or something.

  187. Smut Clyde said,

    April 7, 2009 at 1:26

    You BASTARD PeeJ.

  188. a different mikey said,

    April 7, 2009 at 2:43

    Re: Oregonian guy

    I buy Apalachicola’s by the bushel @US$29. I eat them raw, I roast them over coals, I fry them in any number of ways, I make Rockefeller. I grind them up and put ‘em in soufflés. If you’ve got any other ways of cooking them that are a sin let me know, I’ll do it.

  189. Another Kiwi said,

    April 7, 2009 at 4:03

    You BASTARD PeeJ.

    Be good for Peace Monkeys sake.

  190. Johnny Pez said,

    April 7, 2009 at 6:41

    The undead need to step up and take responsibility for their gangrene activity.

    It’s not easy being gangrene.

  191. Another Kiwi said,

    April 8, 2009 at 6:07

    It’s a gas being gangrene

  192. Randolph Carter said,

    April 12, 2009 at 21:06

    A few bad revenants Munch a few brains and everybody ASSUMES that all we want is BRANES…. How many zombies are in Obama’s administration?
    Zombies? Hm.. I’ll spot you Gates, Summers, Geithner, and Locke. Jury’s still out on Volcker.

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