13
Just What You’ve Always Wanted…
Ladies, consider your fantasies fullfilled: Carey Roberts is talking about hot, steamy sex:
The female libido becomes unleashed
Carey Roberts
October 11, 2005The femmes fatales, those sexually-irresistible Delilahs of lore, are staging a comeback. And this time with a vixen-like vengeance.
Wait… is that supposed to be a bad thing?
Remember Mata Hari, the curvaceous exotic dancer who was accused of spying for the Germans in World War I?
Ah yes, the one who seduced Carey back when he was a sprightly 74 years old.
And of course there was Mae West, who once boasted of her controversial screen-writing career, “Women became more sex-conscious ? sex was out in the open and fun.”
Because sex shouldn’t be fun, right Carey? It should be full of sweaty, wrinkly anger, yeah?
For many years, the female sexual instinct was driven underground by feminist sensibilities. After all, why would a career-minded woman ever want to become entangled in a romantic interlude that might end up with her becoming a stay-at-home mom?
Now female sexuality is back, but this time with a whole new twist: it’s women who are doing the objectifying. Consider the ever-popular Vagina Monologues, where the playwright, actresses, and most audience members are female.
Consider penis jokes, which are mostly written, told, and laughed at by men.
In her new book Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy explores the current storm-surge of female sexual liberation. The concern is no longer A-cup teeny-boppers sporting thong underwear with the Playboy logo.
That was a concern? When?
The problem is the growing sexual aggressiveness of women, like the girl from Oakland who bragged to Levy, “To dress the skankiest, that would be the one way we all compete. Since seventh grade, the skankier, the smaller, the more cleavage, the better.”
Carey, you seem to be having a wee bit too much fun writing about skanky cleavage…
The concern goes beyond pubescent cleavage.
I sure hope so, ’cause if Carey keeps talking about pubescent cleavage, I’m gonna lose my erectile capabilities for like a month.
There’s a perverse side to free love that can be summed up in three words: pornography, rape, and prostitution.
Hey, Carey? Since you have to pay for prostitution, can it really be considered an outgrowth of free love? Just askin’.
Gloria Steinem once warned, “Pornography is the instruction. Rape is the practice.” That admonition may explain why a growing number of female school teachers are preying on their male teenage charges.
Scarcely a month passes without hearing of yet another assault. Last month it was Margaret De Barraicua who pleaded guilty to four counts of unlawful sex with a 16-year-old male student in Sacramento. In August it was Beth Geisel, a writing teacher in Albany and mother of four, arrested for allegedly raping a teenaged boy in May.
Carey, do you know why stories like this make the news? Because they’re really, really rare. Ditto school shootings.
Earlier this year Debra Lafave of Florida, Angela Stellwag of New Jersey, and Kathy White and Pamela Turner, both of Tennessee ? were arrested for seducing and deflowing teenage boys.
Oh, if only I’d had an older woman in high school to deflow me…
As disturbing as these incidents are, what troubles me most is the mainstreaming of prostitution. Take Jenna Jameson’s steamy memoir, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, which informs us that a hooker “can actually become a role model for women.” Apparently a lot of folks liked what they read, because the book stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for six weeks last year.
Yeah, because I know so many women right now who are throwing away their careers to enter the dangerous field of prostitution- and it’s all because Gloria Steinem told them to.
If you still don’t believe that the ersatz allure of prostitution isn’t undermining the moral basis of our culture, check out the July issue of the women’s magazine Marie Claire. There you’ll see an article which describes how Dutch sex workers are “using their bodies to foster trust, compassion, and happiness in the world.”
Oh no! Not trust, compassion and happiness!
(By the way, Carey, you seem to know an awful lot about prostitution and pornography. I’m sure there’s a perfectly innocent explanation for it, of course…)
Am I the only one feeling sick right now?
I dunno… you look pretty damn happy to me:
(Thanks to Gavin for the image… I think…)
But wait! It wouldn’t be a Carey Roberts column without some crazy rambling about Communist plots, would it?
When the Bolsheviks came to power in 1917, one of their first actions was to replace the institution of marriage with the ideology of sexual license. As Soviet prosecutor Krilenko explained, “Free love is the ultimate aim of a socialist state.”
Uhm, you realize that once Stalin came to power, marriage was reinstated and free love was denounced as a petty bourgeois practice, right? Surely you’re not advocating Stalinism, are ya, Carey?
The League of Communist Youth organized “Down with Innocence” circles to promote sexual experimentation. Men began to exchange wives with the same zeal they displayed in the consumption of vodka. Newly-emancipated women pursued liaisons with wealthy men, with the aim of becoming pregnant and then suing the men for alimony.
Eventually families disintegrated altogether, leaving thousands of homeless foundlings roaming the countryside in a desperate search for food and comfort.
All that was considered progress.
I got nothin’ to say to that, so I’m just gonna show the pic of Carey going wild again:
tg said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:08
He’s obviously never seen the award-winning documentary “Pretty Woman.” Prostitution leads to true love, nourished not by the sinful yearnings of the flesh, but by discovery of the beauty and good that reside in all of us, beneath the skin, in our hearts – an extraordinary experience that two people share, comprising growth, soulful exploration, and finally … finally! … the culmination of life itself: true and everlasting love.
So I say to you, Brad – go! Go tonight and set foot upon that journey! Find her! Except look for a hooker with teeth not as big as Julia’s. Them’s nasty.
tigrismus said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:08
He wants this to be true so badly I can actually sense the drool on his keyboard. Oh Jesus, I hope it’s drool, anyway.
Brad R. said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:14
He wants this to be true so badly I can actually sense the drool on his keyboard. Oh Jesus, I hope it’s drool, anyway.
OK, THAT officially killed my erectile capabilities for like a year.
tigrismus said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:22
Well, my work here is done.
The tECHIDNA said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:24
The concern is no longer A-cup teeny-boppers sporting thong underwear with the Playboy logo.
Um, is there anybody else who’s more than a little scared that the real-life Montgomery Burns knows this much {{cough}} personal info about barely legal teens?
The only thing that’s preventing an all-out revolt by my reproductive system is that I think–and especially hope–that Grandpa Wingnut doesn’t know about hentai or ecchi…teen-on-teacher sex and tentacle rapes global!
( Oh, and Gavin: I think Snoop Dogg wants to kick your ass. ^_^ )
Jillian said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:37
The Bolsheviks outlawed prostitution, because they considered paying for sex a bourgeois perversion. (As a side note, I’ve always thought that the only people who can muster up a coherent objection to prostitution are communists – when liberals object to selling sex, they just sound like prudes.)
Although I’m sure Carey would be happy to learn that the Bolsheviks also decriminalized sodomy. It only took the more righteous U.S. eighty years to catch up with communist Russia in that respect (yeah, I know Stalin recrminalized teh gay a few years later; the point remains, I think).
Is anyone else freaked out by the frequency with which right wingnuts sound like communists of late? Things look more and more like a Bizarro episode of Marvel comics around here every day.
thedarkbackward said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:46
Well…I happen to KNOW how Carey obtained knowledge of such seedy matters…
I smell a Dentucreme sandwich.
Brad R. said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:49
darkbackward- I got a “page not found.”
(Nice to see you again, btw :-))
Mr. Mordant said,
October 14, 2005 at 1:59
Eventually families disintegrated altogether, leaving thousands of homeless foundlings roaming the countryside in a desperate search for food and comfort.
Technically, he could be describing the results of the wars that were fought in that time period, but no. He’s bitching about people having sex. What a typical fucking wingtard.
You know, Pops, if I lived in a country that suffered around thirty million dead in two world wars fought within a thirty year span, only to then have to deal with a good chance of being murdered by my own psychotic leaders just for the fun of it, I’d probably want to have mindless sex all the time with no thought of the future either, while being loaded out of my mind on whatever drugs I could get my hands on. Just bein’ honest here.
GuinnessGuy said,
October 14, 2005 at 2:42
OK, THAT officially killed my erectile capabilities for like a year.
Well shit- there goes your anti-Smoking strategy.
Damn you, tigrismas, for condemning Brad to an early death!
Hans Moleman said,
October 14, 2005 at 3:13
Awww…Nobody’s ever gay for the Moleman…
teh l4m3 said,
October 14, 2005 at 3:17
Bradley: I didn’t, and let me tell you, that was one chewey-looking sandwich! Yumm!!!
The tECHIDNA said,
October 14, 2005 at 3:26
Hey GuinnessGuy, I got a new anti-smoking strategy for Brad:
Every time you puff, Grandpa Wingnut erotically moans until the big finish.
Please don’t make him cum. You don’t know where he does. It could be on YOU.
Marq said,
October 14, 2005 at 4:21
But you would have narced on her to the cops, right? I mean, law & order & all that junk.
Um, Brad? Hello?
I mean, dude, it’s rape. Dude?
Oh, great–he’s gone all “Hot 4 Teacher?.” tigrismus, I believe your work has been undone.
Dorothy said,
October 14, 2005 at 4:32
1) Why are wingnuts so obsessed with female sexuality?
2) “For many years, the female sexual instinct was driven underground by feminist sensibilities.”
Oh? Feminists repressed female sexuality, did they? Good gods, what does he think the Victorians did, then?
Kristin Sausville said,
October 14, 2005 at 4:47
For many years, the female sexual instinct was driven underground by feminist sensibilities. After all, why would a career-minded woman ever want to become entangled in a romantic interlude that might end up with her becoming a stay-at-home mom?
Carey raises an interesting — and true! — point. I for one have had enough of these self-proclaimed feminists, who want every woman’s face veiled by a burqa. Groups like NOW have forced their anti-birth control and anti-choice agendas on us all. I personally don’t know a single woman who works outside the home who has given birth!
Oh wait, this isn’t Bizarro World . . . [rolls eyes at Carey]
Modern Major-General said,
October 14, 2005 at 4:52
For many years, the female sexual instinct was driven underground by feminist sensibilities.
Wait, I’m confused. Are feminists driving down female sexuality or are they still encouraging sluttiness? You can’t have it both ways, Methuselah.
Wingnuts really need to keep their story straight. Is a little consistency too much to ask?
D. Sidhe said,
October 14, 2005 at 5:47
You know, normally I’m content to just insist that men not be allowed to tell me what I can do with my body.
In the case of ol’ Carey here, I think I’m going to have to insist that he just shut up about my gender altogether.
Eew.
Love-o-matic Grandpa Wingnut said,
October 14, 2005 at 5:59
“Dear Mr. President, there are too many states in this country. Please eliminate three.”
Mentis Fugit said,
October 14, 2005 at 6:01
Said tigrismus: He wants this to be true so badly I can actually sense the drool on his keyboard. Oh Jesus, I hope it’s drool, anyway.
Riposted Brad R.: OK, THAT officially killed my erectile capabilities for like a year.
Well I’m made of sterner stuff.
[looks down]
Oh. I’m not.
Damn you.
Cameron said,
October 14, 2005 at 6:28
“The League of Communist Youth organized “Down with Innocence” circles to promote sexual experimentation… leaving thousands of homeless foundlings roaming the countryside in a desperate search for food and comfort.”
Um. This is just false.
teh l4m3 said,
October 14, 2005 at 7:06
“There’s a perverse side to free love that can be summed up in three words: pornography, rape, and prostitution.”
And who taught him how to count? Marie Jon’? Hello: I count four words there after the colon.
Mmf…”Colon.”
Elmer Fudd said,
October 14, 2005 at 7:09
Heeeeew, widdle homeless foundlings woaming the countwyside in a despwate search for food and comfort, I have a supwise fo you…Heh, heh, heh.
*BLAM!*
Honey said,
October 14, 2005 at 7:26
Well, sex with HIM isn’t supposed to be fun, anyway. Unless you’re blind, deaf, and insane.
cowalker said,
October 14, 2005 at 7:38
All of Carey’s info appears to come from this 1926 “Atlantic Monthly” article–The Russian Effort to Abolish Marriage
http://www.mens-network.org/russianmarriage.html
The article suggests that post-Revolutionary Russia was extremely chaotic, and that traditional communities didn’t deal well with sudden changes in laws that defined marriage, paternity and parental responsibilities.
But what has that got to do with:
“The femmes fatales, those sexually-irresistible Delilahs of lore, are staging a comeback. And this time with a vixen-like vengeance.”
I think that femmes fatales would thrive more lustily in a capitalistic economy, where the privileged have great rewards to bestow on the sexually accomodating. Whereas “vixens” always brings to mind prison movies where women scuffle with each other in provocative poses.
celticgirl said,
October 14, 2005 at 10:14
darkbackward: can I just say “EWWWWWWWW!!!!” Now that I’ve seen that pic I’m gonna need a total brain scrub…
Auguste said,
October 14, 2005 at 12:28
He doesn’t really look like him and yet that picture juxtaposed with that column make me think irretrievably of Professor Farnsworth from Futurama.
Woodrowfan said,
October 14, 2005 at 13:29
Roberts has some SERIOUS problems with women. I kinda wonder what happened to him as a young man to scar him so? Did his mother always warm him that all girls were “dirty” or something? Did a pair of mating Stegosaurus frighten him? what??
SteveG said,
October 14, 2005 at 13:57
Here he is working his day job.
Libby said,
October 14, 2005 at 14:13
I just had an unnerving revelation:
This is what VBen could possibly become.
heydave said,
October 14, 2005 at 15:12
Oh, if only I’d had an older woman in high school to deflower me… Um, wouldn’t she have to be really old to be in high school AND be older than you? She must be a LGF fan. And hey there celtic girl! You in your new life?
Brad R. said,
October 14, 2005 at 15:28
No, heydave- I wanted her to deFLOW me, not deflower me! What kinda perv do you think I am?
Woodrowfan said,
October 14, 2005 at 15:44
I asked an older woman to deflower me when I was in High School…
.
.
.
..
..
.
.
.
.
.
..
She ripped up my folks garden. DOH!
Anne said,
October 14, 2005 at 15:45
pornography, rape, and prostitution
It’s true — there was no pornography, rape, or prostitution before the 1960s.
Timmah420 said,
October 14, 2005 at 18:24
Finally, I can speak from life experience! I DID get deflowered by an older girl in highschool. She was almost twice my age, but a really nice looking asian girl.
A problem occurs when you have an older woman first, then get a girlfriend your own age, problem being that sex with the older woman was better. She knew the drill (as it were). Am I the only one?
D. Sidhe said,
October 14, 2005 at 21:03
You are not, Timmah. Mind you, this is a genderless phenomenon, and an easily solved one as well.
Two tips for anyone finding themselves disappointed by a partner:
1. Practice makes perfect!
and
2. Never be selfish with your knowledge!
I got those embroidered on little pillows, dammit.
celticgirl said,
October 15, 2005 at 16:51
heydave: Yep, livin in Scotland now…in Burns Country. Had to laugh, just joined a Scots pagan group and this was the email I got from them:This is fur Pagans wha bide in Scotland ONLY !!
New members ur moderated tae stert wi, usually moderation will lift
efter the first few message. Yi maun post within a month or wu’ll hae
tae gie yi boot.
A wee few rules… keep a civil tongue in yir heed, dinae advertise
ither lists here. Muck aboot an yi’ll git yin warnin tae play thi geme,
ignore it an yir gone.
Yes, they really talk like that here….
3D said,
October 17, 2005 at 1:43
Who knew that the little old man that Benny Hill used to slap on the head was such a wingnut.
Maybe there is something to this anti-sex stuff, after all. He is living proof that being around half-naked girls on television for years and years leads to crazy-assed columns.
rebecca said,
October 19, 2005 at 19:59
Hate to be a humorless feminist, but Gloria Steinem never said that. In fact, her most famous piece of writing was teh hilarious “I Was a Playboy Bunny.” The person who did say that was probably either MacKinnon or the other one.