Sadly, No! » Our Plan To Fix Your Car: Do Coke, Sell Parts From Your Car To Buy Coke

Mar
28

Our Plan To Fix Your Car: Do Coke, Sell Parts From Your Car To Buy Coke

Posted at 6:15 by Gavin M.

road-to-recoveryx3

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57 Comments »

well, be that as it may said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:18

obama uses a teleprompter!
Fast Eddie said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:24

“…alternative energy such as oil shales”? What the fucking fuck do these people think oil shales are? THEY’RE SOURCES OF FUCKING OIL, JESUS CHRIST IT’S IN THE FUCKING NAME! What the hell is “alternative” about MORE FUCKING OIL?
Jennifer said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:24

Ah…a meme is born.
Lurkbot said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:28

I think a lot of people are missing the point. The fact that there’s nothing in this “budget” is completely irrelevant. The fact that you see with your own eyes that there’s nothing in it and still genuflect before it as if it were stone tablets brought down from The Mount is the point.

You can see that Obama can handle an unscripted Q & A session with grace and aplomb, but your willingness to assert, despite the evidence of your eyes, that he’s a drooling moron without a TelePrompTer is the measure of your devotion.

“How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?” You are not truly Of the Body™ if you don’t see the right number.
Snorghagen said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:37

“We want to save consumers money, create jobs, make penises larger and harder, breasts more firm and perky, and induce a universal sense of unending and nearly unbearable orgasmic pleasure. And the Democrats are telling us no.”
Loneoak said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:40

Could Jonah Goldberg’s underpants be used for ‘alternative’ energy?
Smut Clyde said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:48

This aspirational election-campaign literature is all very well, but would it not have been more useful about 6 months ago?
Another Kiwi said,

March 28, 2009 at 6:50

Maybe it should say “Correct Underpants” i.e. “Make sure you’re wearing them” And not on your head btw. I’ll never live that day down.
GoatBoy said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:06

Just install pay glory holes in all red state public men’s rooms and we’d have this problem licked!
Caliph Garrett said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:12

The GOP budget: made of Tinker Toys.

That’s it–they’re the Party of Lincoln Logs.

Let’s give them a Spirograph and see what they can come up with.
Till said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:16

I guess the clean coal lobby didn’t pay them enough.
g said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:23

This is a budget like the budget I just sent into our Finance department where we wrote some sentences saying that our annual performance will be measured by the criteria of how many sessions of bullshit are scheduled to take place in our meeting rooms.

We get that figure by figuring how many previous meeting organizers will come back, and figuring how many unknown new meetings we may schedule.

Meaning, I pull the number out of my ass.
DrDick said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:45

If they are Pantload’s underpants they should provide large quantities of hydrocarbon fuel. Definitely won’t be clean fuel, however.
OneMan said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:48

Well I for one am mightily impressed by the intelligence and foresight of the Republican plan. After all, who could dispute that oil, from shale, is a brilliant source of alternative energy. What a coup! Why, we’ll reduce fuel prices, cut those damn towel-heads off at the knees and reduce greenhouse gases all at once! Brilliant, I say!

What? You say they’ve been trying to get oil from shale for 30 years? And it’s too expensive? And it’s still carbon?

Begone! I shan’t listen to you! LALALALALA…
islmfaoscist said,

March 28, 2009 at 7:54

“We want to save consumers money, create jobs, make penises larger and harder, breasts more firm and perky, and induce a universal sense of unending and nearly unbearable orgasmic pleasure. And the Democrats are telling us no.”

Snorg, that’s the GOP Health Care Plan and you weren’t supposed to be leaking it til next month. Now you’ll have to go apologize to Limbaugh.
Joe Max said,

March 28, 2009 at 8:11

Notice the repeated phrase, “…the Democrats are telling us no.”

It’s the classic “I know you are but what am I?” defense.

Obama and the Democrats have successfully hung “Party of No” around their necks. They’re flailing. And they walked right into the trap.

I have to admit, the Dems are in control of framing of the GOP, for once. I’m shocked, I am.
Tim (The Other One) said,

March 28, 2009 at 8:14

“grow the economy” is my new favorite cliche ! One more “L” and we can growl the economy !
Grace Nearing said,

March 28, 2009 at 9:02

We want to save consumers money, create jobs, and grow the economy, and decrease our reliance on regimes that are not our friends. Now, some naysayers will argue that we could have done all this during the previous 8 years, to which we respond: Go f*ck yourselves.
doctorb said,

March 28, 2009 at 10:54

We want to use orgone accumulators, pyramid power, and perpetual motion machines to achieve energy independence, and to bring about economic recovery by giving tax breaks for the purchase of beanie babies.

And the democrats are telling us no.
purpleOnion said,

March 28, 2009 at 11:03

All the republicans want to do is make the people who buy them richer. As long as the air is not going to kill us tomorrow, the water will not be gone tomorrow, the land cannot produce tomorrow, and even when tomorrow comes it won’t matter, because at the very last moment their adult invisible friend will save us all, or at least them.
Smut Clyde said,

March 28, 2009 at 11:06

Such a tragedy that all these stimulating avenues were closed off during 8 years of democratic misgovernment.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

March 28, 2009 at 11:37

Here I wake up in the middle of the night, and see this diagram and headline.

Brilliant, Gavin!

Now I can set about trying to go back to sleep, while laughing.
owlbear1 said,

March 28, 2009 at 11:57

Red noses and fright wigs could have really added gravitas to this plan.
aw said,

March 28, 2009 at 12:26

Oil shale?

That’s their alternative energy plan? OIL SHALE?

You photoshopped that, right?

Please tell me it’s photoshopped.
Smut Clyde said,

March 28, 2009 at 12:51

Excuse me, but this is Futura. We are still waiting for our Comic Sans.
Sirius Lunacy said,

March 28, 2009 at 13:34

Tim (The Other One) said,

March 28, 2009 at 8:14

“grow the economy” is my new favorite cliche ! One more “L” and we can growl the economy !

Or as the Repugs say:
“grow the econ o’ me”
owlbear1 said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:12

OT-Viral marketing for a game or movie?

http://www.cyclonedairy.com/
El Cid said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:16

We are for more money–not less. We are for more success–not less. We are for better things–not worse. We are for improvement–not decline. We are for happy–not sad. We are for food–not hunger. We are for nice Mommy–not mean Daddy.
El Cid said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:19

From the site:

Are there any ethical issues about cloning?

No.

That’s very funny.
Sirius Lunacy said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:33

Has to be a hoax, none of the cows in the picture looked the same.
owlbear1 said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:36

Still say it’s a viral campaign for: “HiVeCoWs: Cloned just a little ToOO well!”
owlbear1 said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:38

The MOOrg: Resistance is MOOt.
domodisco said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:40

We are for more money–not less. We are for more success–not less. We are for better things–not worse. We are for improvement–not decline. We are for happy–not sad. We are for food–not hunger. We are for nice Mommy–not mean Daddy.

My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
owlbear1 said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:41

M-O-O, that spells Death!
John B. said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:45

No Coke, Pepsi!
pendragon said,

March 28, 2009 at 14:46

Funny.
Harry Upshirt said,

March 28, 2009 at 15:16

Oil Shale, Tar Sands, Clean Coal.

The oil shale process is very destructive and costs at least $60 just to produce a barrel. They’re talking about building nuclear reactors in northern Alberta to make the tar sands process more economical and ‘less’ damaging. ‘Clean coal’ is an oxymoron.

These are the energy sources the world should be running away from. I guess that’s part of their attraction to the GOP.
59 Les Paul Copy said,

March 28, 2009 at 15:19

PLEASE don’t start the whole resistance/futile thing again. Because I just, I dunno, can’t resist it.
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,

March 28, 2009 at 15:42

Actually, the GOP plan is very simple.

Step one: shit in hat.

Step two: clap on head.
El Cid said,

March 28, 2009 at 15:46

All you libruls won’t be laughing when the Republicans blow you away with their new and secret plan to move to an entirely wish-based economy.
Erik W. said,

March 28, 2009 at 15:48

Rhyme ‘Em To Death reconstructs the trial from Victor Hugo’s Hunchback of Notre Dame from a new perspective, that of a minor character – the goat. The trial of the goat, a postscript in the Hugo novel, has been extended and enlivened [...]
Willy said,

March 28, 2009 at 15:52

We are for more money–not less. We are for more success–not less. We are for better things–not worse. We are for improvement–not decline. We are for happy–not sad. We are for food–not hunger. We are for nice Mommy–not mean Daddy. But the Democrats say no.

fify.
ice weasel said,

March 28, 2009 at 17:05

Given the retards this pamphlet is aimed at I’d say the graphics are perfect.
jim said,

March 28, 2009 at 19:36

“And the Democrats are telling us no…”

“…you frakking idiots. Get away from the steering wheel! No wonder you guys screwed up for 8 years. That’s not a plan, that’s a string of sentences. You couldn’t plan a kid’s birthday party. How do you even reproduce? Does she have to tell you that tax cuts are somewhere near her ovaries, so you get all excited and jizz in the right place? “
Rosenbaum said,

March 28, 2009 at 20:30

Also and also.
Sockpuppet #47 said,

March 28, 2009 at 20:38

Most Republicans think the tax cuts are somewhere near the prostate actually..
Smut Clyde said,

March 28, 2009 at 21:27

PLEASE don’t start the whole resistance/futile thing again
My borgone accumulator. Let me show you it.
Smut Clyde said,

March 28, 2009 at 21:30

We are for nice Mommy–not mean Daddy.
Yes, but warm mother or cold mother? Pia mater or dura mater?
The people demand details.
Another Kiwi said,

March 28, 2009 at 21:43

They are for Pater Familias before it got all pansy and “the power over life and death was abolished”.
tigrismus said,

March 28, 2009 at 22:06

I like pie Jesu.
Fast Eddie said,

March 28, 2009 at 23:19

I too have developed an alternative energy plan far superior to the liebrul sociohomslamunistofascist fantasies which are nothing more than plots to reduce us all to a “Flinstones”-esque standard of living whereby our cars are propelled via foot power.

My plan? Instead of continuing to pay terrorists to supply oil to make the gasoline for my car, I will siphon gas from the tanks of my neighbors’ cars. Used gas is a wonderful alternative to using new gas, and if everybody in the country simply started siphoning the tanks of everybody elses’ cars, soon we’d be on the Republican Road to Recovery with a completely self-contained gasoline supply.
Robert said,

March 29, 2009 at 0:01

I read this great book recently where some really smart people in Colorado had a cool device that sucked oil right out of the oil shale without any messy drilling or refining. Also, something about using the static electricity in the air to power things. We should all read that book and start using the cool technology they used.

But not the Thompson Harmonizer. I don’t think we need that one.
Barney said,

March 29, 2009 at 0:15

“We have to burn this country to save it.”
Anonymous said,

March 29, 2009 at 0:49

Gavin, you should h/t Jennifer for the “Underpants Gnome Budget.”
jim said,

March 29, 2009 at 6:00

We want to institute a Surprise Buttsecks policy – but the Democrats say no.
We want a new NASA mission to enable President Obama to personally plant Old Glory on the surface of the sun – but the Democrats say no.
We want to fund an expedition into the Hollow Earth to exploit its abundant natural resources – but the Democrats say no.
We want to have our cake & eat it too, then do the same to yours, & we want to do it all via your bank-account &/or pension – forever – but the Democrats say no.
We want to take on all the many powers of our lord & master Cthulhu so as to become gods & rule over you unto eternity, making you our slaves & concubines, laughing at your helpless misery & tormenting you for our delight – but the Democrats say no.
Obviously, President Obama is one of the nattering nabobs of negativity long ago foretold by the great prophet Saint Agnew.
The Goddamn Batman Is Considering Converting The Goddamn Batmobile To Run On Biodiesel Rendered From The Fat Of The Joker's Victims (Hey, Waste Not, Want Not) said,

March 30, 2009 at 18:10

For most of these clowns, “alternative energy source” means filling up with regular instead of premium.

Our Plan To Fix Your Car: Do Coke, Sell Parts From Your Car To Buy Coke

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