Mar
27
27
Jai Schmo
Shorter Pantload:
- In my heart, I know I’m funny.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
javafascist said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:01
Dear John Boehner, Eric Cantor, Mitch McConnell, et al.,
Jonah Goldberg believes you are the tail and he is the dog. Just thought you should know.
Sincerely,
The American Public
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:06
Unintentionally, Jonah reveals he understands that he’s just a dumb incomprehensible doosh:
My initial reaction to the JournoList story was that I thought it was hilarious. Lots of folks thought that meant I took it very seriously.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:11
I initially drafted a too-long post explaining why I thought it was so funny, but never got around to putting it up because it just didn’t work. Maybe, I’ll give it another whack later.
Is Pantload talking about writing or masturbation here?
Olexicon said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:18
“Is Pantload talking about writing or masturbation here?”
Aren’t those two mutually exclusive in Jonah’s case?
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:20
He could be ambidextrous.
mark f said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:32
What’s the deal with calling out Yglesias without linking? I have no idea what he’s referring to.
kiki said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:35
Aren’t those two mutually exclusive in Jonah’s case?
‘Writesturbating’.
Or, with due deference to Hemmingway, ‘typesturbating’.
D.N. Nation said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:38
Shorter Pantload:
I like that this post is right after Kloandjonahwrotethesamethinggate.
Sarcastro said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:40
The liberal egghead version of Heathers?
As opposed to the deeply conservative values inherent in bombing a school, murdering the popular and loving your dead gay son?
By Grabthar's Hammer, By The Sons Of Worvan, You Shall Be Avenged By The Goddamn Batman said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:46
DoughPants gets kicked down to a lower circle of hell for citing Galaxy Quest.
Bill said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:46
Someday, Jonah, if you eat your Wheaties, you’ll be big enough to wear Matt Yglesias’s panties. No, really! Eat your Wheaties, man. We’re all watching.
cowalker said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:54
A comedic blast from Jonah in the past, posted Wednesday, August 22, 2001
Hahahahaha. “Smash into a slow-moving cow.” ROTFLMAO
Bush’s vacation won’t stall the nation
What a comedian.
Harry Upshirt said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:55
I initially drafted an intricately-crafted 5000-word monograph with references and bibliography, but never got around to putting it up because I accidentally deleted it while ordering from gianthoagiesonline.com.
So, instead: COLD PENIS SOUP.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:55
What’s the deal with calling out Yglesias without linking?
He doesn’t want to get caught.
mark f said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:58
Someday, Jonah, if you eat your Wheaties, you’ll be big enough to wear Matt Yglesias’s panties.
Seriously, I know Yglesias can be flat-out wrong sometimes or write a post based in some pretty erroneous thinking, but he’s always putting some pretty legit effort into his posts. Goldberg’s always posting about how he would’ve posted something else, but he was tired or the was just too long and awesome or he might post about it later but for now Matt Yglesias wears pantiez LOL what a fag.
TruthOfAngels said,
March 27, 2009 at 16:59
Hey, don’t be too hard on the doughy one.
For all you know, it’s K-Lo who wrote that and Pantload is currently helping old ladies across the street.
Shorter Pantload said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:01
I’d debate you, but it’s late I have a cold I’m tired gotta walk Cozmo.
Gus said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:01
He should hang with Richard Cohen. The laughs just wouldn’t stop.
Zifnab said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:15
I mock you for posting on a newsgroup from my posting on a political blog. Bwahahahaha! Eat post modernism, bitches!
tigrismus said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:36
I initially drafted a too-long post explaining why I thought it was so funny, but never got around to putting it up because it just didn’t work.
OK, that was funny.
Honus said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:37
Speaking of frank Zappa, how about this:
Musician and composer Frank Zappa (1940-1993) was born in Baltimore, and spent boyhood years in a Park Heights Avenue row house and at nearby Edgewood Arsenal. His family moved to California in 1952, but Charm City plans to honor its native son with a statute from Lithuania, which will be placed somewhere in Fell’s Point.
Lithuania? Did Mr. Zappa visit that Baltic land or have kinfolk there? Nope.
It turns out that young revolutionaries in the capital city of Vilnius adopted the music of FZ as a symbol of freedom:
We never saw Zappa, but nobody ever saw God, and they still go to church. Lithuania is a nation of mythology, legends and fairy tales. Everything is mystified. People believe really quickly, and one of the myths is that independence is good for everyone, with no exceptions. That’s why, in such an environment, the Zappa seeds were so successfully planted.
– Vytautas Kernagis, Lithuanian musician, quoted by Adam B. Ellick in Rolling Stone.
After the fall of the USSR, grateful Lithuanian patriots erected a statue of the inspirational Mr. Zappa in the hip Užupis neighborhood of Vilnius which, except for a medieval monastery or two, seems a lot like today’s Fell’s Point.
Courtesy of NotionsCapital.wordpress.com
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:43
Speaking of frank Zappa, how about this:
Damn, that’s cool.
I think I would hate to be famous but I guess it would be neat to see what utterly bizarre interpretations your work had in other cultures.
Sentimental Cynic said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:46
Jonah came to speak here at Penn State a few nights ago. On all the fliers, the picture of him was vertically skewed to make him look thinner. No joke.
Real Conservative said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:50
Heh, liberals hate Goldberg because he exposed the totalitarian foundations of their philosophy.
D.N. Nation said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:52
About what? Why would anyone consider this man’s insight into anything even remotely interesting?
D.N. Nation said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:52
And I’m not saying that because he’s a legacy wingnut, but because he’s a hack and a bore and is not within a galaxy of being as amusing as he thinks he is.
Knights in White Satin said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:53
Didn’t Pantload compare Liberal college students turning Conservative when they graduate to someone exiting a sidewalk-escalator and finding it “hard” to walk?
If his humor matches his metaphor talent, he’ll be the next Seinfeld!
Phil said,
March 27, 2009 at 17:54
You guys just aren’t intellectual enough to get Goldberg.
cowalker said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:01
Sentimental Cynic said: “Jonah came to speak here at Penn State a few nights ago. On all the fliers, the picture of him was vertically skewed to make him look thinner. No joke.”
Wow. I’d love to see what they’d do if Rush Limbaugh came to speak. He’d look like he was eight feet tall.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:10
About what? Why would anyone consider this man’s insight into anything even remotely interesting?
I dunno.
I’d be interested in his opinion on bagged snack foods.
If, you know, I cared.
jim said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:14
You think maybe the nomination committee meant to short-list him for a Pulitzer, but then decided to alphabetize their CDs & deworm their pets instead?
“I MADE U A REAL AWESUM POST, BUT I EATED IT”
Yeah, just as I thought – translating it into lolspeak actually makes it sound LESS stupid.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:16
You think maybe the nomination committee meant to short-list him for a Putzlitzer
Fixed your post.
Stephen Ockham said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:21
On a random note, I read that as “Shitter Pantload” and thought it fit nicely.
Ken Lowery said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:26
Spending multiple posts and thousands of words on a topic means you WERE taking it seriously, Jonah. These the-lady-doth-protest defenses that just go on and on are, um, revealing.
MzNicky said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:34
What’s the deal with calling out Yglesias without linking?
He doesn’t know how?
He’s reluctant to link to anyone who actually can write, fearing the inevitable comparison?
chocolatepie said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:50
Yeah, just as I thought – translating it into lolspeak actually makes it sound LESS stupid.
Where’s the obligatory bukkit reference?
moondancing said,
March 27, 2009 at 18:56
He found it hilarious. The only thing hilarious is your delusional self-image.
Snorghagen said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:01
I just think it’s a funny symptom of a larger malady.
He’s amused by disease symptoms?
Harry "Big Bagger" Dix said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:07
I’d suggest that he eat me, but I fear he might actually attempt to.
J.D. Rhoades said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:11
Jonah mocks Yglesias. By wingnut logic, that means that Jonah is terrified of him.
PeeJ said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:25
cycnic, who the fuck sponsored Jo-Lo? And where did herm speak? I’m guessing it wasn’t Eisenhower. Or Schwab. Maybe the back room at the Diner?
[I hate the SeedyTea web site and don't even know if they'd have it so....]
Thers said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:30
What’s the deal with calling out Yglesias without linking?
He’s referring to this comment by Yglesias from a JournoList thread that Kaus, who is a douche, published, and that all the Cornerites are shrieking and giggling over:
I also read on TNR.com today that Jonah Goldberg, who believes that everyone on this list is a fascist, is “good-humored,” while Keith Olbermann’s work is best analogized to Glenn Beck or Michael Savage.
Basically the Cornerites think it’s outrageous but hilarious that these liberals are calling Marty Peretz a bigot, TNR a bunch of crap, and giving Jon Chait a hard time for acting like a twit.
Weird, weird people, at the Corner..
Jay B. said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:35
“Aren’t those two mutually exclusive in Jonah’s case?
‘Writesturbating’.
Or, with due deference to Hemmingway, ‘typesturbating’.”
Nah, it’s the classic: Jonahism.
white knight said,
March 27, 2009 at 19:42
Jonah Goldberg is a dork, but so is Ezra Klein. I’d still rather hang out with Jonah, since I’m pretty sure the choice comes down to doing off the boat quality coke paid for with trustfund cash vs doing herbal E and watching Ezra awkwardly dance to late 90s hip hop while trying to pick up some Vassar girl.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 27, 2009 at 20:02
Hey Democrats! You’re scum.
Caitlin Sith said,
March 27, 2009 at 20:02
K-Lo, Jonah, bedfellows, panties– this is ASSAULT!!
Righteous Bubba said,
March 27, 2009 at 20:05
Waah! K-Lo edits my pop-ups!
Caitlin Sith said,
March 27, 2009 at 20:09
Righteous Bubba, that article is like the Sistine Chapel of unintentionally funny.
“”Blabber” and “Blattaria”– the similarities can be confusing”
I am peeing in my pants. There is piss pooling under my chair.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 20:09
watching Ezra awkwardly dance to late 90s hip hop while trying to pick up some Vassar girl.
See, but that would be funny, where Jonah doing blow is just pathetic.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 20:11
“Skip Press”?
Oh come ON! Who the fuck thought that was a cool name to make up??? He’s really Colin Mochrie in reverse-drag!
Batocchio said,
March 27, 2009 at 21:13
When Richard Cohen insisted he knew comedy and Colbert wasn’t funny, that Good Morning, Vietnam scene sprung to mind.
If you follow the links back, what’s funny is that Goldberg thinks NR, Heritage, etc. weren’t shills for the Bush White House while liberals are for Obama. It’s true that “think tank” conservatives influenced the White House, but most of them did that by taking administration jobs or by chatting with their pals who did – the White House, the Congressional GOP, Heritage, AEI, NR were lockstep on pretty much everything. And most conservative bloggers were eager to be shills. For the most part, iberal bloggers and think tanks have continued to criticize Obama constructively on policy matters. But hey, Jonah’s a bold, independent thinker, so independent he’s not encumbered by reality, unlike those liberal fascists.
Candy said,
March 27, 2009 at 21:19
See, but that would be funny, where Jonah doing blow is just pathetic.
That was my thought, too. You just know that when Jonah handed you the (obligatory) rolled-up $100, it would be all wet with bloody snot. Also, before the night was over, he’d be telling you all his darkest secrets, including the ones about how he hated mommy, and bawling like a big baby.
Then he’d probably ask you to diaper him. I used to like to do blow, but sometimes you just have to draw the line, so to speak.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 21:23
Candy, I stopped doing blow when I found myself sitting across the mirror from Republicans and stockbrokers.
Same deal as yours. Couldn’t take the incessant whining and, oh yea! the paranoia….
Candy said,
March 27, 2009 at 21:39
Coke seems to bring out the worst in some people. I’m positive Jonah would be one of them.
The worst wingnut to do blow with would be Malkin. Imagine her all lit up. The hackles rise at the thought
g said,
March 27, 2009 at 21:46
Um, Jonah strikes me as the kind of guy who’d rinse out the empty vial and drink the water. Just so he could tell himself he got all of it.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 21:51
DA,
That update photo….so wrong, man. You make it seem like Fudgie’s got a package.
Froley said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:24
Jonah Goldberg is a dork, but so is Ezra Klein. I’d still rather hang out with Jonah
Based on his Corner posts, hanging out with Jonah would entail hearing a lot of drunken whinging about “I could have [fill in the blank], but those damn [liberals/fascists/fascist liberals/diet cops] just kept getting in my way.” But on the plus side, 3 a.m. Hot Pockets for everybody!
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:26
But on the plus side, 3 a.m. Hot Pockets for everybody!
Is that because that’s when Lucianne wakes up to feed?
PeeJ said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:41
Sure, just send me right over the edge. Okay then. The notion of Hot Pockets streaming out of Lucianne’s mammaries is just too much to bear. Please knock that shit off.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:46
See, but that would be funny, where Jonah doing blow is just pathetic.
I don’t see Jonah as a coke user, I see him doing whip-its, and then consuming the entire can of not-so-whipped cream afterward.
Froley said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:49
True story: one night back when I was in high school my friends and I brought several girls over to my house. We were trying to be quiet but still ended up waking up my dad. He stumbled out into the middle of the room wearing only his tighty-whities. Twenty years later and that picture is still seared into my brain.
The reason I brought that story up is now I have in my mind that same image, only this time with Lucianne Goldberg standing in for my dad.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:55
PeeJ,
I was thinking more that she nuked them as she got ready to go out and find some tender young necks to nibble.
actor212 said,
March 27, 2009 at 22:56
only this time with Lucianne Goldberg standing in for my dad.
Could be worse. You could be envisioning an actual woman impersonating your dad.
Tommmcatt said,
March 27, 2009 at 23:10
Michelle Malkin would literally chew through drywall on cocaine. She’d probably end up eating her own left arm.
mikey said,
March 27, 2009 at 23:15
I dunno. Cocaine can actually have a kind of an anger-moderating effect on people. Personally, I’d be much more terrified of The Malkin Thing two thirds of the way through a bottle of vodka.
Of course, you wouldn’t wanna be in the neighborhood at 4:30AM when she ran OUT of blow.
Yeeessshhhh.
That would be pretty ugly…
mikey
John D. said,
March 27, 2009 at 23:22
For me, Jonah always brings to mind that comment Bill Hicks once made about Rush Limbaugh, i.e. that he seemed to be the kind of guy who’d enjoy being urinated on.
cur said,
March 27, 2009 at 23:23
So this has no bearing with anything on this post, and forgive me if you have already seen this, but:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/assholes-wearing-snuggies
That is all, as you were.
cur
nationalplumbingcodehandbook said,
March 27, 2009 at 23:57
Oh, no…
Revelations 1:11–3:22, the first vision: “one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle”, speaking with “a great voice, as of a trumpet”…
I’m pretty the appearance of the Jo-Lo is a sign of Pretribulation. (Has anyone checked to see if Tim LaHaye and Hal Lindsey are sharing one body?)
The second vision is “a door … opened in the sky”. I think that refers to Aristophanes’s underwear photo.
We are so fucked.
Loneoak said,
March 27, 2009 at 23:59
I was at my barber today when some old junkie friend of hers wandered in to tell her that his lips were on fire. She said he likes to take some meth with his methadone regimen. Given the whole lips on fire thing, I suggest everyone avoids that combination.
I bet Jonah’s preferred poison is amyl nitrite and rough group sex with some Young Republican club.
g said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:02
You know, going down this path is dangerous.
tigrismus said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:02
I’m pretty the appearance of the Jo-Lo is a sign of Pretribulation.
PTS makes me SUCH a cranky-pants.
Loneoak said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:09
Oh fuck, S,N! couldn’t even make this shit up:
Politico writes a story about conservatives acting as if it’s wittily funny to don the Snuggie.
g said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:20
Joe the Plumber agrees to have his picture taken?
Who’d have believed it?
g said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:21
Seriously, is that Snuggie story a joke or real?
justme said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:22
where Jonah doing blow is just pathetic.
A sweaty, twitchy Pantload who finds the sound of his own voice even more fascinating than usual sounds to me like something Dante dare not even imagine.
kamper said,
March 28, 2009 at 0:34
Imagine how much funnier The Onion would be if every story began with, “Okay, this is a funny story.”
M. Bouffant said,
March 28, 2009 at 1:08
take some meth with his methadone regimen
That’s called balance. Just keeps one on an even keel.
M. Bouffant said,
March 28, 2009 at 1:21
J-NRO has sad & funny backward.
g said,
March 28, 2009 at 2:32
that it’s proof of plagiarism and lord knows what else.
It doesn’t take the lord to recognize stupid.
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,
March 28, 2009 at 3:39
“I’ll give it another whack later.” – El Pantolodo.
Truer words ne’er spoken.