Mar
21

A Planet For The President*




Posted at 21:49 by Tintin

Shorter Gregory Young And Dr. Craig Idso

**

Global Warming Alarmists Propose Limiting Population … to the Point of Extinction

  • Global warming is just a lie spread by Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Hussein Obama as a pretext for passing a law requiring all women to be sterilized. This will, of course, bring about the utter destruction of the United States.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*Cf.

**The video has been “improved” over the one posted at The World’s Worst-Named Website™

147 Comments »

  1. theperilouspea said,

    March 21, 2009 at 21:58

    Dear old Al Gore !
    Still good for a game of kick his can down the road
    The Good times for thinkies a never ending thinkathong !

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 21, 2009 at 21:58

    It is clear that the authors follow the Liberal mantra of the ends justify the means.

    In stark contrast to torture, and other conservative values.

  3. Paul T Lazaro said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:02

    Al Gore can’t control my emissions!!1111!!!

  4. PeeJ said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:03

    WTF? Lenins? LENINS?

    He’s exercising his god given right to be phenemonenally stupid. Holy fekkin shite, did he get his Ph.D. from a Cracker Jack box?

  5. Tim (The Other One) said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:05

    That shit stacked behind him lends credence to his claims much in the same way a library provides a valid setting from which to opine.

  6. theperilouspea said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:05

    If torture were effective , it would end the involvement of self respecting Thought Smiths
    For the end is not what they hammer at , they look to the infinite for their means
    Oh man ! When they find the mean will this pull up their average thinks ?

  7. J— said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:12

    The staff of the Center for the Study of Carbon Dioxide and Global Change:

    Craig D. Idso, Chairman
    Sherwood B. Idso, President
    Keith E. Idso, Vice President
    Julene M. Idso, Operations Manager

    That is a complete listing. I am not making this up.

  8. Christina said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:15

    Oh, good. My husband and I already ahead of the curve on the Liberal Agenda.

    Sweet.

  9. Lesley said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:17

    Matt Taibbi’s The big takeover is a must read, especially considering what the (completely unsupervised) Fed is up to. (Brad covered this earlier I think).

  10. Lawnguylander said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:17

    Stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard. What a dumb couple of motherfuckers. I spent the day boring holes down to the water table. Tomorrow I’m piping fertility drugs down there because how are we supposed to carry out our forced gay abortions on a sterile populace?

  11. Paul T Lazaro said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:21

    From the comments over there:

    How small would our collective carbon footprint become if every liberal/leftist the world over were lined up against walls and shot? The sudden rise in peace and quiet, along with the decrease in carbon dioxide emitted by these air bags, would go along way toward improving eveyone else’s quality of life.

    Nice.

  12. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:22

    I can see Young and Idso on a Saturday night,

    “Hey, baby, wanna make it with me, for great justice the future of the species?”

    Also, why do these a-holes villify single mothers and immigrants with large families? The cognitive dissonance can be cut with a knife.

  13. Snarla said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:30

    Not even slightly close to the most annoying voice ever. Sarah Palin’s voice is at least a hundred times more annoying.

  14. ignatov said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:30

    their proposal puts humanity on a fast-tack extinction curve, as reproduction rates fall below population replacement rates.

    That’s a chilling thought. There must be some flaw in his logic… AHA! I have it! When humanity is down to a couple thousand people, they’ll HAVE to have more than one kid because they’ll need help tilling the soil!

    Check and mate!

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:31

    How small would our collective carbon footprint become if every liberal/leftist the world over were lined up against walls and shot? The sudden rise in peace and quiet, along with the decrease in carbon dioxide emitted by these air bags, would go along way toward improving eveyone else’s quality of life.

    ========================================================
    Just goes to show you, Liberals are all about death and destruction. They absolutely live for it!

    Hmmm. Kinda make you think.

  16. Jennifer said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:32

    Indeed, the authors purposely fail to mention that their proposal puts humanity on a fast-tack extinction curve, as reproduction rates fall below population replacement rates. Surely, as statisticians they know this well. Within a few generations, there wouldn’t be any one around to measure, least wise care, about carbon emissions. We would all be dead.

    But golly, we would save the planet! Just goes to show you, Liberals are all about death and destruction. They absolutely live for it!

    Teh stupid, it burns!!!!

    Why, in only 200 years, there would be no people left at all, aside from about 150 million of them. Who would want to live in this hellishly underpopulated world of the future, where far fewer people compete for global resources? Aw, hell no! Who among us wants to condemn our descendants to never knowing the joys of living in a post-Thunderdome world?

  17. Lawnguylander said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:33

    In the minds of your wingnuts single mothers fall into two categories. Dark skinned whores popping out huge litters of welfare recipients and Upper West Side elitist sperm donees sipping lattes and leafing through their Utne Readers in the delivery room. Each group sucks more than the other as far as they’re concerned.

  18. PaminBB said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:34

    Since when have wingnuts thought we should have the right to make our own reproductive choices? So, in the wingnut values cannon, Oil is now greater than Abortion? Or do they alternate days, like with on-street parking. So confusing….

  19. M. Bouffant said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:44

    The music underneath is astoundingly annoying. Do they think their rabid followers are so dumb they have to be musically influenced as well?

    SASQ.

    And, Tintin, you’ve brought the web to a slightly higher plane here w/ this “video fixing.” (Take a peep at Jerry here if you need more fodder for further fixing.)

    In conclusion, I say to you all,Off w/ Their Nuts!!

  20. Snorghagen said,

    March 21, 2009 at 22:56

    Global Warming Alarmists Propose Limiting Population … to the Point of Extinction

    But if the human race is wiped out, how will Satan recruit his evil leftist minions?

  21. Joe Max said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:01

    In the minds of your wingnuts single mothers fall into two categories. Dark skinned whores popping out huge litters of welfare recipients and Upper West Side elitist sperm donees sipping lattes and leafing through their Utne Readers in the delivery room.

    Or Bristol Palin.

    But IOKIYAR, of course…

  22. PeeJ said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:04

    stoopid™ stoopid™ stoopid™

    Our plan is not forced birth control. The plan is to force everyone to become gay. It’s obvious to anyone with the brains god gave to seafood.

  23. El Cid said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:04

    If Al Gore weren’t so damn fat and didn’t sigh so much and didn’t have a big house there would be no global warming, which there isn’t, but it’s his fault, and he made it up, and global warming is a natural process, and we should deal with it by handing all our money to the nuclear industry corporations so that they can promise to but never build functioning nuke plants, and we need to burn all our coal because China uses coal, and also people who believe in global warming hate Jesus.

  24. OneMan said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:14

    PaminBB hit it right on the head: It’s not OK to mandate limited family size but it is THE WILL OF GO-OD (two syllables, please) that a woman, once impregnated, must carry the child to term.

    Not to mention that no one actually proposed any such law to limit families.

    I’m sure my eyeballs will stop spinning any moment now.

    Finally, I’ll reference the inevitable.

  25. islmfaoscist said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:15

    From the Cf:

    The United Kingdom, for example, America’s closest ally, suffers “the loss of much of East Anglia” due to flooding,

    In Conservapædia, this will be corrected to “East Anglica” of course.

  26. ckc (not kc) said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:28

    …and “closet” ally

  27. Shell Goddamnit said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:43

    Dammit, I am driven to just flat-out asking – does anyone remember a throw away comment from someone who said his (I think) dog was a Republican… and had a list of traits that led him to that conclusion, one of which was, IIRC, “vain”. I don’t remember the rest of the list but I remember jumping like I’d been bit cause it so perfectly described a person I know, and now *I NEED THAT QUOTE!* Anyone here guilty of said comment or remember it in any way? I’m not even sure it was on S,N! But it was somewhere in the round of like-minded blogs on which I see some of the same people commenting alla time.

    Sorry about the totally off-topic nature of the thing but there it is. A Shot In The Dark.

  28. Shell Goddamnit said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:46

    Oh yeah, and I didn’t find the voice annoying, but the facial expressions! The pomposity, the condescending smug of him…it reminded me of a boss that everyone hated but me, and now I hate him too, this video was so powerfully annoying. What a fucking tool.

  29. Cat Ion said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:48

    PaminBB hit it right on the head: It’s not OK to mandate limited family size but it is THE WILL OF GO-OD (two syllables, please) that a woman, once impregnated, must carry the child to term.

    No fucking kidding. They are willing to throw “reproductive choice” under the bus in the name of compulsory pregnancy but they sure do howl at the mere suggestion that maybe, just maybe, raising a passel of kids to be typical American consumers is contributing to global warming. Shocking, I know.

    Plus, I’ve heard many conservatives grumble about aid to third world countries. They often snicker and say something to the effect of “geez, can’t we put birth control in the bread or something?”. ‘Cuz, you know, restricting reproductive choices of third world folks is a-ok, but doing the same to lily-white Americans is the epitome of absolute evil. And the non-lily-white Americans? Well, they don’t care about their reproductive choices as well.

  30. tigrismus said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:52

    and also people who believe in global warming hate Jesus.

    It’s a fair cop.

  31. tigrismus said,

    March 21, 2009 at 23:53

    And I’ll start worrying about replacement rate once we’re not pushing SEVEN BILLION.

  32. mikey said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:07

    Usually, I’m almost uncontrollably ecstatic at my lifelong childishness – er, I mean childlessness – when I see a parent with three or four comically obnoxious children at the grocery store, hollering and threatening with not the slightest effect.

    But this makes me even happier that I have not ever even CONSIDERED reproducing.

    Hee hee..

    mikey

  33. SomeNYGuy said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:15

    If someone were to kick this dweeb in the nuts repeatedly, that would certainly have a dramatic effect on his reproductive choices.

    Also, that’s quite a collection of Cher CDs stacked up behind him.

  34. Gallery said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:27

    Oh, Idso nice to be with you!
    I love all the things you say and do!
    And Idso nice to hear you say,
    You’re gonna please in every way!

  35. Palin Special Olympics event #29 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:29

    Wheelchair wolf shooting competition

  36. M. Bouffant said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:31

    Is the shooter or the wolf in the wheelchair?

  37. N__B said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:32

    Wolfs shooting at wheelchairs? I’d rather they tried to bite them.

  38. M. Bouffant said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:35

    Never give a wolf w/ a weapon. They can’t aim for shit, you’ll get plugged.

  39. tigrismus said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:35

    Wheelchair-bound wolves are the shooters! I say we motorize those puppies and release them in Alaska…

  40. Jennifer said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:36

    Speaking of hated bosses, the downward spiral continues unabated at my former workplace. Last Wednesday, the two remaining carpenters walked out after my ex-boss pulled some of his typical bullshit. That is, they walked out after telling him what a full-of-shit retard moron he is and threatening to pull off his head and shit down his neck.

    Imagine, a construction company with no carpenters. At this point, they’re down to two plumbers and a guy who does finish work. Don’t know how long you can last in the construction business when you don’t employ anyone who can, you know, build anything. Not long would be my guess.

    The real kicker is that the kid he hired out of the bar – you know, the one he was going to “teach the business to in two years and have him managing jobs for half what you’re being paid” (presumably, he was also going to learn to be an architect and writer in those same 2 years) is STILL THERE, being paid $2500 a month for doing nothing other than stroke the boss’ ego. Though from what I understand, the business partner has put his foot down on that and buttboy was being assigned to work as a laborer starting this past week. Though on what I don’t know – a construction company with no carpenters isn’t going to have any job sites that need cleanup.

  41. g said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:36

    So two Oregon academics giving a paper at a conference means compulsory sterilization by the Obama administration can’t be too far ahead?

    Is this guy afraid of his shadow, too?

  42. Brucetta said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:36

    That’s a chilling thought. There must be some flaw in his logic… AHA! I have it! When humanity is down to a couple thousand people, they’ll HAVE to have more than one kid because they’ll need help tilling the soil!

    No, no, no. Conservatives realise that if one is to be serious in advocating a policy, one must advocate that policy without regard to external reality. Just as ‘tax cuts for the rich’ is the answer to every policy question no matter what is happening in the world, so Liberals must now claim that population control is always necessary regardless of how many people there actually are.

    The idea that someone might be in favour of population control when there are more than six billion people, but then be in favour of a different policy when there are only one hundred million people, is not only inconceivable, but also evidence of Liberal hypocrisy and weakness.

    Oh, and what mikey said.

  43. N__B said,

    March 22, 2009 at 0:40

    So two Oregon academics giving a paper at a conference means compulsory sterilization by the Obama administration can’t be too far ahead?

    “Oregon” is the most frightening word in that sentence.

  44. OTB said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:10

    Dude’s been taking elocution lessons from Bobby Jindal.

    Love how he’s standing in front of the Target credenza with his John Tesh CDs stacked behind him.

  45. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:22

    I just got the memo from George Soros’ secret dormant-volcano base. We liberals are not to proceed with the depopulation of the human species until we have caused a significant percentage of animals to become gay.

    Project Penguin has been a rousing success so far.

  46. Just Alison said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:34

    I bet the climate scientists are pretty happy about being called lemmings. I bet they’re just beaming with joy about this wankstain and his supercilious smile pretending that all their work is for naught (except to make Al Gore famous or something).

    I’m just waiting for their critique of string theory, because that’s gonna be mind-blowing. Or do I mean head-exploding?

  47. J— said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:38

    Great news for all you sweets and rum fans.

  48. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:41

    Usually, I’m almost uncontrollably ecstatic at my lifelong childishness – er, I mean childlessness – when I see a parent with three or four comically obnoxious children at the grocery store, hollering and threatening with not the slightest effect.

    A-fucking-men.

    Today’s incident was on a train instead of in a grocery store, but otherwise spot on. And I thank all the gods of audio for the invention of headphones.

  49. Mr. Wonderful said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:42

    Craig D. Idso, Chairman
    Sherwood B. Idso, President
    Keith E. Idso, Vice President
    Julene M. Idso, Operations Manager

    Gallery got there first, but still:

    Idso many Idsos
    Ah dodo
    Wudoo
    Do

  50. This has kept me from procreating, too said,

    March 22, 2009 at 1:48

    And I thank all the gods of audio for the invention of headphones.

  51. mikey said,

    March 22, 2009 at 2:06

    Attention All Right Wing Dummies.

    Having children is a CHOICE.

    NOT having children is a CHOICE.

    Loving someone is a CHOICE.

    It is NOT your place, your right, nor even a place where you have a right to an opinion do weigh in on these how I choose to live my life. You are welcome to make these decisions for yourself. Beyond that, you have NO FUCKING STANDING…

    mikey

  52. Arky said,

    March 22, 2009 at 2:08

    BREED! BREED DAMN YOU!! THAT’LL SHOW THOSE LIEBERULS!*

    *Some restrictions apply.

  53. sfHeath said,

    March 22, 2009 at 2:18

    Okay, not going to check this because I don’t really care, but didn’t the graph on the video show the carbon emissions saved when a woman chose to have one LESS child? And as I was reading that graph, did I hear the dear Doctor say that the study showed women should NOT EVEN HAVE one child?

    p.s. There’s always adoption, Dr. Idso.

  54. Buddy Holly and Linda Ronstadt said,

    March 22, 2009 at 2:46

    Idso easy to fall in love;
    Idso easy to fall in love!

  55. mikey said,

    March 22, 2009 at 2:50

    Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo…

    mikey

  56. Ripley said,

    March 22, 2009 at 2:50

    Idso long way to the top
    If you wanna rock n roll

  57. jim said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:06

    What could possibly be more evil than trying to get folks to make an intelligent decision not to over-breed themselves into a world of disease, constant resource wars & Soylentburgers? Why do you liberals hate cutesy-wutesy widdle babypoos?

    China actually DID impose a severe (one-child-per-family) population-control policy, & kept it in place for decades … & their population still kept right on shooting up anyway – they’re well over a billion now, as is India. RUH-roh.

  58. Arky said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:10

    Did not!
    Did so!

  59. PeeJ said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:17

    neologism: idso facto – total non-fact due to coming from idso

    One paper quantifying per human CO2 is idso facto proof of Pelosi’s eugenics plan.

  60. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:30

    Hey guys, this is slightly off topic but here it goes anyway. A buddy and I have a great idea to start a business. We are going to get a loan to open a fancy french resturant. Our resturant will serve the finest French regional dishes/

    Here’s the catch. My friend and I tend to get very annoyed when we have to use the men’s room at a resturant for urination purposes, and someone takes a shit and stinks up the joint! I mean come on, nobody wants to smell shit when they are sitting down enjoying a good meal.

    So our resturant will be a completely shit free environement, meaning the public restrooms will be for urination purposes only. In order to enforce our shit free policy we will have ten full time security officers on duty at all times in our resturant. There will be two in the men’s room which will have only urinals, two in the ladies room, two monitoring the cameras, one in the dining are, one in the lobbey and two patroling the perimeter of the resturant.

    We will also have a paid police officer on staff at all times to make arrests if necessary. Any offender who shits in our resturant will be banned for life under penalty of arrest. Lets face it, there is nothing more disgusting then smelling shit when you have to use the resturant’s restroom for urination. It is disgusting and repulsive, people should not shit in an establishment that serves food.

    Patrons will be allowed to shit in restrooms outside of the resturant. This way there will be no shit in the resturant, and people who have to urinate will not be grossed out by the smell of shit before enjoying there meal.

    The reason I am writing this is to get some kind of a survey of public opinion on this matter. We want to see whether or not our idea for a resturant would be appealing to the general public. Feedback will be most appreciated.

    Thank you.

  61. PeeJ said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:37

    Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:30
    [...]

    Oh merde.

  62. MaineMan said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:43

    “Why do you liberals hate cutesy-wutesy widdle babypoos?”

    Medium rare with a bit of tarragon, onion and butter.

    Yum!

  63. MaineMan said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:45

    Well, Jack, it sounds like you’ll be helping out a lot of soon-to-be-unemployed Blackwater guys, so, y’know, not ALL bad.

  64. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:49

    Feedback will be most appreciated.

    Poop!

  65. Viva La Revolution! said,

    March 22, 2009 at 3:53

    The Republican Revolution!

  66. mikey said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:00

    Feedback will be most appreciated.

    Um, ok.

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    WoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooWoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Lemme know what else I can do to help, Jack…

    Dickwad….

    mikey

  67. Jennifer said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:00

    What I can’t understand is how anyone can shit in any public restroom. And I’m completely mystified by those who shit in Port-a-lets. How could anyone bear the smell of a pre-shat Port-a-let long enough to be in it to get the necessary business done? I’m of the personal opinion that Port-a-let shitters should be publicly garroted. I mean, come on – there are lots of people here at this festival drinking lots of beer, and the Port-a-lets are unusable thanks to YOU dumping in them.

    On the other hand, I suppose this aversion to shitting in public places is kind of the textbook definition of “anal retentive.”

  68. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:05

    I figure that a majority of people are like me and friend who want to enjoy a nice meal in a resturant without having to be grossed out by the smell of shit in the restroom, thus ruining our appeitite.

    I’m simply doing some research to see whether the majority of people would either support or oppose such a policy in a resturant. Shiting will still be allowed in specialized restrooms which will be located across the parking lot, outside of the resturant.

    I basiclly want a show of hands as to who here supports the measure and who opposes the measure.

  69. M. Bouffant said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:08

    Unclench your sphincter, dude, it’s backed up to your cranium.

  70. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:08

    And I obviously want to see if most people would eat at such a resturant. I am in the resturant business to make money you know.

  71. henry lewis said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:09

    Jack,

    Is it going to be strict, traditional French cuisine or will there be some ‘nouvelle’?

  72. Jennifer said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:11

    I think you’re missing the real issue here, Jack. Which is women who “hover” over the seat in public restrooms, spraying the seat with urine and making it unusable for those who follow. Some poor old lady with weak thigh muscles comes in later, and ends up with some repellant stranger’s piss all over her backside when she cannot “maintain the position” throughout the evacuation of her bladder.

    Hoverers should be publicly garroted, also.

  73. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:12

    “henry lewis said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:09″

    A combination of the two, my friend.

  74. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:13

    Thank you, Jennifer. It looks like I have one patron already.

  75. Jennifer said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:14

    And another thing about those Port-a-let shitters, Jack:

    When was the last time you saw any paper in a Port-a-let?

    These Port-a-let shitters aren’t even wiping after befouling the Port-a-let.

  76. J— said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:15

    Jack: You need to get together with A Transhumanist. Your research topics overlap. Perhaps you could join efforts and come up with a collaborative project. Don’t underestimate the power of two!

  77. PeeJ said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:18

    Now now, why is everyone poo pooing his idea? Can’t you just relax and go with the flow? He’s just a businessman trying to squeeze something out of the restaurant biz. I’m sure the idea just kind of plopped into their heads so they need to see if it holds together – is it a firm thing? Can they run with it? Or is it some watered down stream of feculant nonsense?

  78. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:19

    I agree, porter-shitters are absolutely disgusting. Our resturant will be a completely clean, safe and enjoyable dining experience for all of our patrons.

    Nobody should ever have to smell shit while dining at a resturant, as it has the tendency to ruin ones appeitite. Our “no shit” policy will be extensively advertised so our patrons will know it ahead of time before they arrive at our resturant.

    I believe, that not being grossed out is an essential part of enjoying ones dining experience. Food and shit do not belong in the same establishment.

  79. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:20

    How small would our collective carbon footprint become if every liberal/leftist the world over were lined up against walls and shot? The sudden rise in peace and quiet, along with the decrease in carbon dioxide emitted by these air bags, would go along way toward improving eveyone else’s quality of life.

    Oh fun! A GOP Fantasy-Land Adventure.

    Well, once all of the bullets bounce off Al Gore, Leftists will start the Patchouli Oil baptisms.

    Your fate is sealed!

    All Hail Al Gore’s Girth!!

    AHAGG!! AHAGG!! AHAGG!!

  80. PeeJ said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:20

    Personally, I think they should pass on it then wipe the slate clean.

  81. J— said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:22

    Hoovers for the holdovers from hoverers!

  82. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:28

    I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that all of our patrons will be one hundred percent satisfied with their dining experience.

    Not only will nobody be grossed out at our resturant, the quality of our cuisine will be top notch. We will used only the freshest ingredients for our regional and nouvelle French cooking. Our chefs and cooking staff will be only of the top tier, our security staff will be professional, curtious and efficient. And most importantly of all, prices will be reasonable.

    All of these factors will contribute to the satisfaction of our patrons dining experience.

  83. PeeJ said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:31

    What a load of crap. Jack, you may be flush with ideas – I’m sure you’re surrounded with piles of them. But a fundament of the restaurant business is, “you can’t just drain their wallets.” You need to digest the concept, absorb it slowly so to speak. Run it through the system and see what comes out the other end.

  84. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:31

    Jack, got a motto for your restaurant, “We don’t take shit from anyone.”

    Probably gonna want to do that in French tho.

  85. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:35

    owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:31

    Jack, got a motto for your restaurant, “We don’t take shit from anyone.”

    Lol. Personally, I find that slogan humorous. However, it may just be a little too vulgar for advertising purposes unfortunately.

  86. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:36

    ..it may just be a little too vulgar for advertising purposes

    French is funny that way…

  87. Major Kong said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:37

    How small would our collective carbon footprint become if every liberal/leftist the world over were lined up against walls and shot? The sudden rise in peace and quiet, along with the decrease in carbon dioxide emitted by these air bags, would go along way toward improving eveyone else’s quality of life.

    Too bad for them I’m not the gun-control kind of liberal.

  88. SomeNYGuy said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:37

    The success or failure of Jack’s venture will depend on where he plans to open this establishment. In some areas of America, shit is an integral part of the dining experience.

  89. J— said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:42

    I suggest an online survey, like the one Hot Air did to see who’s the leader of the GOP. No other methodology is more reliable. Call it Jack’s Shit: A Digital Probe.

  90. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:42

    Our first establishment I hope to open in NYC as a matter of fact. Eventually, I hope to expand our resturant across the country. It will take alot of time and money to achieve all of our goals.

  91. Jack said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:43

    J, I think that would be a good idea. Lets give it a go.

  92. J— said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:45

    Four errors by the fifth? What the hell happened?

  93. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:47

    Nous ne prenons pas la merde de n’importe qui!

    Or so sayeth babelfish, at any rate.

  94. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:50

    “Jack’s Shit-Free Eateries”
    Nous ne prenons pas la merde de n’importe qui!

    Ok Jack, looks like you’ve got a name and slogan for the place.

  95. mikey said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:51

    Wow. I think I’ve learned something tonight.

    Of course, it has no value.

    What a shitty thread. This crap’s gotta end. Wipe it right off.

    It’s all a bunch of crap…

    mikey

  96. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:53

    Dumped on again.

    sniff.

    ew.

  97. henry lewis said,

    March 22, 2009 at 4:53

    If you want gross, try NO port-a-lets.

  98. Tintin said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:00

    Uh, folks, “Jack” is “Jeffersonian Republican” better known as “Lord Harry.” He’s going bye-bye now.

  99. PeeJ said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:01

    Philosophical quandary of the evening: Is it possible to unbeshit oneself?

  100. Jennifer said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:07

    You know, they could designate certain Port-a-lets as no-shitters. Though I’m sure that people base enough to shit in Port-a-lets would just ignore the designation and shit in them anyway, I think the logo of the stick man in profile squatting and squeezing one out, with the red circle and cross-out over it, would be just fucking hysterical.

  101. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:08

    Uh, folks, “Jack” is “Jeffersonian Republican” better known as “Lord Harry.” He’s going bye-bye now.

    Well duh, who else would be so obsessed in controlling other peoples’ shit?

  102. Shell Goddamnit said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:11

    re: unbeshitting

    Uh…bathing? Is there a philosophical cleansing regime – Zen perhaps?

    Personally I find high-speed twisties to clear my head quite nicely, but I can hardly recommend it for the beshitten crowd.

  103. Shell Goddamnit said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:13

    Re: designated shitting portolets (wtf, btw…we callem portapotties where I comes from)

    I have considered trying to enforce a “shitter” “not shitter” stall differential at the work bathroom. For the love of god, go to the furthest stall if you’re gonna stink up the joint. Nothing like the smell of shit lingering in the hallways.

  104. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:17

    Tintin said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:00

    Uh, folks, “Jack” is “Jeffersonian Republican” better known as “Lord Harry.” He’s going bye-bye now.

    I am shocked, and even somewhat stunned.

    I was certain that Jack was a restaurant entrepreneur who not only dared to dream, but to dream big.

  105. commie atheist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:17

    I have come to really hate the Fairlight and all who use her to create suitably portentous (or should I say pretentious?) music.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairlight_CMI

  106. commie atheist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:19

    And as far as “Most Annoying Voice Ever,” I just don’t see how you can top Dr. Mrs. Old Perfessor:

    http://www.pjtv.com/video/Ask_Dr_Helen/Going_John_Galt%3F/1504/5357/

    Being married to that woman would be enough to turn me gay.

  107. Lawnguylander said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:26

    Four errors by the fifth? What the hell happened?

    The question that occurred to me was, Victor Zambrano? WTF? I don’t care who wins this game but seeing him on the mound made me weep . Is Julio Machado not a free man yet?

  108. M. Bouffant said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:28

    Being married to that woman would be enough to turn me gay.

    I think it made the Ole Perferator want to turn himself into a robot.

  109. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:31

    No shit, I’m reading this thread, and the DJ of the college radio station starts playing the Police’s “Doo Doo Doo Doo Dah Dah Dah Dah”… in Japanese.

  110. Dylan said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:35

    Those damn climate alarmists!

    (Government abortionists will come get your extra kids. Even if they’re already old!)

    What the fuck? Do these people have no sense of irony or shame?

  111. N__B said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:39

    I have considered trying to enforce a “shitter” “not shitter” stall differential at the work bathroom.

    A little application of good-old ‘merican know-how could solve this problem with a properly designed, permanently affixed cover. A solid one, with a hole placed too far forward for comfortable shit-sitting, or perhaps some sort of mesh screen over the bowl.

    We would need a name for an apparatus designed to prevent shitting – that is to say, to stop a normal human function – in a room designed for shitting. My suggestion is “What’s the Rush, Limbaugh?”

  112. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:43

    Do these people have no sense of irony or shame?

    uhm, These are the same people who get indignant if you don’t tell them how impressed you are by their Invisible Superman’s manhood.

    Just sayin’

  113. owlbear1 said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:46

    They’ve all got Doc Manhattan on their minds.

  114. commie atheist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:49

    Falling in love again…

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/billadams/2960743503/

  115. Sheesh said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:51

    Hey Lesley,

    Damnit, I tried to get you to read this last night: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/18654.html#comment-855385

    Let me requote the money quote!!

    On the weekend of September 13th, AIG’s senior leaders were summoned to the offices of the New York Federal Reserve. Regulators from Dinallo’s insurance office were there, as was Geithner, then chief of the New York Fed. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson, who spent most of the weekend preoccupied with the collapse of Lehman Brothers, came in and out. Also present, for reasons that would emerge later, was Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs. The only relevant government office that wasn’t represented was the regulator that should have been there all along: the OTS.

    “We sat down with Paulson, Geithner and Dinallo,” says a person present at the negotiations. “I didn’t see the OTS even once.”

    On September 14th, according to another person present, Treasury officials presented Blankfein and other bankers in attendance with an absurd proposal: “They basically asked them to spend a day and check to see if they could raise the money privately.” The laughably short time span to complete the mammoth task made the answer a foregone conclusion. At the end of the day, the bankers came back and told the government officials, gee, we checked, but we can’t raise that much. And the bailout was on.

    [... more than last time...]

    Once the capital requirements were gone, those top five banks went hog-wild, jumping ass-first into the then-raging housing bubble. One of those was Bear Stearns, which used its freedom to drown itself in bad mortgage loans. In the short period between the 2004 change and Bear’s collapse, the firm’s debt-to-equity ratio soared from 12-1 to an insane 33-1. Another culprit was Goldman Sachs, which also had the good fortune, around then, to see its CEO, a bald-headed Frankensteinian goon named Hank Paulson (who received an estimated $200 million tax deferral by joining the government), ascend to Treasury secretary.

    Freed from all capital restraints, sitting pretty with its man running the Treasury, Goldman jumped into the housing craze just like everyone else on Wall Street. Although it famously scored an $11 billion coup in 2007 when one of its trading units smartly shorted the housing market, the move didn’t tell the whole story. In truth, Goldman still had a huge exposure come that fateful summer of 2008 — to none other than Joe Cassano.

    Goldman Sachs, it turns out, was Cassano’s biggest customer, with $20 billion of exposure in Cassano’s CDS book. Which might explain why Goldman chief Lloyd Blankfein was in the room with ex-Goldmanite Hank Paulson that weekend of September 13th, when the federal government was supposedly bailing out AIG.

    When asked why Blankfein was there, one of the government officials who was in the meeting shrugs. “One might say that it’s because Goldman had so much exposure to AIGFP’s portfolio,” he says. “You’ll never prove that, but one might suppose.”

    Market analyst Eric Salzman is more blunt. “If AIG went down,” he says, “there was a good chance Goldman would not be able to collect.” The AIG bailout, in effect, was Goldman bailing out Goldman.

  116. commie atheist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 5:51

    Here’s aone-on-one I’d pay to see…

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/billadams/2680331582/in/photostream/

  117. N.C. said,

    March 22, 2009 at 6:34

    Huh, let me guess. Suddenly, Jack would disappear once he got one semi-serious response of “that’s silly, people should be able to shit in bathrooms”, and Jeffersonian Conservative would sweep in and chide all us fascists for supporting smoking bans in restaurants since using a ventilated bathroom for its intended purpose is equivalent to blowing smoke around a dining room.

  118. Disemvoweled troll: Jeffersonian Republican said,

    March 22, 2009 at 6:41

    Y lbrls ttmptd t blcklst m, bt y cnnt. Thr s lwys bckdr nt wbst.

    Bwhhhhh!!!

  119. Disemvoweled troll: Jeffersonian Republican said,

    March 22, 2009 at 6:48

    h, btw, tht rstrnt d prpsd s rl d. M nd frnd f mn r trly cnsdrng t. nly n cptlst scty lk mrc cn n bcm sccssfl ntrpnr. Tht s wht th mrcn Drm s ll bt.

    sd dffrnt nm bcs ssmd y wldn’t lstn t m f y knw ws cnsrvtv. smply wntd t gt n d f wht ppl wld thnk f sch rstrnt. Prdctbly, gt mxd rslts. Hlf n fvr nd hlf ppsd wld sy.

    thnk ths wll bcm vry sccssfl bsnss. M nd my frnd wll bcm mlt-mllnrs nd flfll th mrcn Drm.

  120. commie atheist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 6:57

    Damn, N.C., you’re good.

  121. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 22, 2009 at 7:03

    I think I’m gonna take a shit on this thread.

  122. commie atheist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 7:23

    I think I’m gonna take a shit on this thread.

    Too late, now that Jeffraham Reptilicus has dropped his mighty load.

    But may this serve to unshit the bed, ever so slightly:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOYAuk809fY

  123. Lesley said,

    March 22, 2009 at 7:28

    Damnit, I tried to get you to read this last night: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/18654.html#comment-855385

    I’ve been passing that article to everyone I know. It’s damn good isn’t it?

  124. tensor said,

    March 22, 2009 at 7:46

    Only in a cRapitalist society like America can one become a successful entrepueOOner.

    Fixed that (sewer) for ya. (Now strangely applicable to what Atrios calls “Big Shitpile”.)

  125. g said,

    March 22, 2009 at 8:30

    We reserve the right to refuse service the ability to shit to anyone.

  126. Anne Laurie said,

    March 22, 2009 at 8:35

    I was certain that Jack was a restaurant entrepreneur who not only dared to dream, but to dream big.

    I was just reading down, waiting for someone to point out that Dr. Idso has apparently been able to give up shitting altogether, but as an unfortunate side effect he’s started spewing foul crap from the other end of his digestive tract.

    Besides, let’s be honest — I can’t remember ever eating in a white-tablecloth restaurant and catching the scent of human effluent. But there have been a few meals that suffered from the clouds of Obsession, Brut, Girgio, or various other so-of-the-moment chemical attractants hovering over my fellow diners…

  127. g said,

    March 22, 2009 at 8:36

    I actually think Jack should work a totally different tactic entirely. Call it “niche marketing,” if you will. He should open an establishment that embraces the idea of shit. Not only does it allow patrons to freely shit in the restrooms, it wafts the scent tantalizingly through the establishment. The food should be plated to evoke piles of shit on a plate. Their signature dishes could be liver pate, chocolate mousse, etc. The napkins should be coiled up on cardboard rolls, like toilet paper. The crockery should be pristine, heavy white porcelain.

    He and his partner will be known for having “The Shittiest Joint in Town” and other edgy, hip endorsements. This would make a great marketing campaign!

  128. Sheesh said,

    March 22, 2009 at 8:45

    Hey Lesley,

    Same here.

    Further, I try to be informed and what not, but my jaw was dropping when I read this section below. I had no idea this kind of “market engineering” was going on.

    If you look at the weekly H4 reports going back to the summer of 2007, you start to notice something alarming. At the start of the credit crunch, around August of that year, you see the Fed buying a few more Repos than usual — $33 billion or so. By November, as private-bank reserves were dwindling to alarmingly low levels, the Fed started injecting even more cash than usual into the economy: $48 billion. By late December, the number was up to $58 billion; by the following March, around the time of the Bear Stearns rescue, the Repo number had jumped to $77 billion. In the week of May 1st, 2008, the number was $115 billion — “out of control now,” according to one congressional aide. For the rest of 2008, the numbers remained similarly in the stratosphere, the Fed pumping as much as $125 billion of these short-term loans into the economy — until suddenly, at the start of this year, the number drops to nothing. Zero.

    The reason the number has dropped to nothing is that the Fed had simply stopped using relatively transparent devices like repurchase agreements to pump its money into the hands of private companies. By early 2009, a whole series of new government operations had been invented to inject cash into the economy, most all of them completely secretive and with names you’ve never heard of. There is the Term Auction Facility, the Term Securities Lending Facility, the Primary Dealer Credit Facility, the Commercial Paper Funding Facility and a monster called the Asset-Backed Commercial Paper Money Market Mutual Fund Liquidity Facility (boasting the chat-room horror-show acronym ABCPMMMFLF). For good measure, there’s also something called a Money Market Investor Funding Facility, plus three facilities called Maiden Lane I, II and III to aid bailout recipients like Bear Stearns and AIG.

    While the rest of America, and most of Congress, have been bugging out about the $700 billion bailout program called TARP, all of these newly created organisms in the Federal Reserve zoo have quietly been pumping not billions but trillions of dollars into the hands of private companies (at least $3 trillion so far in loans, with as much as $5.7 trillion more in guarantees of private investments). Although this technically isn’t taxpayer money, it still affects taxpayers directly, because the activities of the Fed impact the economy as a whole. And this new, secretive activity by the Fed completely eclipses the TARP program in terms of its influence on the economy.

    What happens if the recipients of these Fed loans and guarantees fail or are defrauded, etc…? Oh that’s right we’re only out a couple more trillion. Yeah. That’s 3 to 6 million million dollars of ‘secret’ money rolling around. Pretty much dwarfs the retention pay we taxpayers on the hook for.

    (But remember, “deficits don’t matter” so this won’t be blamed on Obama.)

  129. Sheesh said,

    March 22, 2009 at 8:50

    To clarify, of course I know the Fed manipulates the interest rate with its repos and wise, opaque pronouncements, but I didn’t know anything about this new (?) flavor of “off-book” manipulation.

  130. Sheesh said,

    March 22, 2009 at 9:05

    Hey look!

    Doopdedoo, browsing the intarwebs… oh shit! Glenn Greenwald is hammering this too. Boom! Here he goes quoting another great bit from the same piece:

    It might not bode well that Geithner, Obama’s Treasury secretary, is one of the architects of the Paulson bailouts; as chief of the New York Fed, he helped orchestrate the Goldman-friendly AIG bailout and the secretive Maiden Lane facilities used to funnel funds to the dying company.

    Go go Geithner! Bad banks for all!

  131. Johnny Pez said,

    March 22, 2009 at 9:05

    Wow, Lord Hairy gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “shit for brains”.

  132. OneMan said,

    March 22, 2009 at 9:20

    Idso long way
    to Tipperary
    Idso long way
    to go…

  133. justme said,

    March 22, 2009 at 9:43

    The answer to Jack’s pressing issue is as clear as the nose on his face. I mean, if one is looking for an all-purpose, two turds with one stone solution, there can be but one course of action.

    Dig. The. Moat.

  134. sarah said,

    March 22, 2009 at 9:59

    and the people who believe in science are the “alarmists” in this situation.

    right.

  135. justme said,

    March 22, 2009 at 10:11

    Sheesh,

    Here’s a lovely article,

    http://www.cnbc.com/id/27719011 (no linky. fywp)

    from last November on just how much was being chucked into the sinkhole behind closed doors. (Seven+ trillion, and counting, from then.)

    And from the same time period, one on the Fed telling Congress to go fuck a tree when asked where two trillion bucks went.

    We are being robbed, and seemingly, nobody of any consequence gives a rat’s ass. Quite the contrary. Everybody seems to be falling all over themselves to help the turdwhistles out the door with their awful, awful burden that was once our treasury.

    Fuckers.

    I rather like drifty’s idea…

    Well, diplomacy failed.

    And sanctions failed.

    Inspectors failed.

    And regulatory systems failed.

    This being the case, I believe according to the Bush Doctrine only one course of action remains open to us.

    Regime change, baby! *

  136. Bony Baloney said,

    March 22, 2009 at 16:18

    The Idso thing has been whipped to death with bootlaces, but it’s worth recalling Mark Twain’s reaction to the Book of Mormon v3.1: “I could not feel more satisfied and at rest if the entire Whitmer family had testified.”

    Sorry. I spent an hour last night debunking, untangling and dis-confusing LDS stuff during a replay of “Big Love” until I was finally struck by a hurled Tivo remote and banished from the room. I guess the difference between RLDS and FLDS is that the latter is the subject of some white-slavery true crime narrative that’s burning up the charts at Amazon.com, while the former… isn’t. Bloody ignorant Protestant scumbags. It’s always Twilight just under my dangling nuts, ya tools.

  137. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 22, 2009 at 16:21

    Huh, let me guess.

    Golfclapworthy and more, N.C.! I wouldn’t have guessed the whole scheme like you did, but I did immediately recognize “Jack”‘s horrible punctuation. He can’t shake it off – it’s like a special infrared signature, or an unavoidable horrible smell.

  138. Our Dead Selves said,

    March 22, 2009 at 17:14

    and his partner will be known for having “The Shittiest Joint in Town” and other edgy, hip endorsements. This would make a great marketing campaign!

    Sorry I’m late, but the shitty restaurant idea has been taken!

  139. Sirius Lunacy said,

    March 22, 2009 at 17:19

    This commercial should be a mandatory public service ad on every damn channel.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqKWXirsU

  140. Candy said,

    March 22, 2009 at 18:04

    He should open an establishment that embraces the idea of shit. Not only does it allow patrons to freely shit in the restrooms, it wafts the scent tantalizingly through the establishment. The food should be plated to evoke piles of shit on a plate.

    Jack Shit should open his restaurant next to a mortuary. Then he could call the restaurant Eat Shit and Die.

  141. Another Kiwi said,

    March 23, 2009 at 3:24

    Waiter waiter, there’s a fly in my shit soufflé

    Looks more like a moth to me, Mr Breitbart.
    .

  142. Smut Clyde said,

    March 23, 2009 at 12:07

    a fast-tack extinction curve,
    Did anyone have more luck than me at decoding this? Is Uriel the Archangel of Extinction coming at us in a yacht?

  143. stackozone said,

    March 23, 2009 at 12:32

    What an epic fail bucket of shit this video is, even with the improvements from TinTin…

  144. digitusmedius said,

    March 23, 2009 at 17:22

    It’s clear we’re just a “baby” step (hahahahahaha) away from liberals stealing wingnutopian infants and performing blood-drinking rituals upon them. Yep, the was “unthinkable” just a few months ago, but NOW…….(puking sounds for several hours)

  145. Parrotlover77 said,

    March 23, 2009 at 19:17

    Shorter shorter: Help! The [insert slippery slope argument of choice] will lead to the doom of our nation!

    I’m child-free and sterilized. Are they going to force me to have a kid I don’t want? Because if so, I want my One Free Ghey Abortion ticket Obama promised me right now!

  146. tep said,

    March 24, 2009 at 8:59

    Boy, anyone see the Al Gore shot? He’s just exploded. His next academy will be for appearing on “America’s biggest losers” series.

  147. Kip W said,

    March 28, 2009 at 5:00

    Idso neo paper moon
    Sailing over a cardboard sea
    But it wouldn’t be make believe
    If we’d gone GOP.

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