I go straight to has-been rockers for my political insights.

Or at least guys like Brian Cherry, who have the same kind of haircut.

Goddamn it- Yglesias stole the phrase again!
The son of a bitch!

Did anyone read his bio? It’s priceless. Though I feel for the kids in his high school history classes.

Someone’s got to find his book, Blood Eagle. Too bad it’s too late to catch him hawking it at the last Viking Fest.

Maybe the Viking thing explains the hair. Maybe not.

BTW, maybe someone can explain to me why the Viking Fest goes on in Waco, TX.

Wait, wait! Ya’ll “covered” another of this guy’s column’s more recently. I remember because I had a hilarious email debate (if you can call it that) with him. Damn, what was the column about??? I may have to do hard work, and go search your archives….

While teaching he began to exercise his writing skills by contributing freelance articles to publications on subjects that range from politics to professional wrestling.
Brian Cherry, Delivering a stunning guillotine leg drop off the turnbuckle to liberal reasoning.
Brian Cherry, Delivering a stunning guillotine leg drop off the turnbuckle to liberal reasoning.

Boy, Michael Moore is fattening exponentially of late.

My open letter to Brian Cherry
—-
Brian Cherry,

I’ve just finished reading your latest masterpiece,”Is Alan Colmes smarter than a hamster?” and i’ve come to the conclusion that you are probably better off stiColmesto writing about complex things like professional wrestling. I’m going to discuss your email point by point.( And you can bet I ain’t gonna break down and cry.)

We can skip the first 2 paragraphs, Why?, you ask? Well first because the premise is stupid and stolen (simpsons). Second it’s so poorly written that I would give a mediocre mark to it if I were, say grading a middle school essay as opposed to reading a column. Held to actual standards of journalism, it’s appallingly simple minded. So on to bigger and better things… well bigger anyway.

“Alan is right now one of the most high profile liberals in American pop culture.”

Newsflash genius, Alan Colmes is not a liberal. He’s a moderate hack that was installed by FOX news as some sort of limp-wristed answer to Sean Hannity’s bellowing nonsense. There is no room in Murdoch’s media empire for a true, powerful liberal voice. That would hurt their propaganda efforts.

“So one could say he is the recipient of television welfare. ”

This kind of statement is the nadir of intelligent discourse. If this article had a laugh track, this is where everyone would be groaning at that offensive and lame shot at humor.
I also couldn’t help but notice you also STOLE blockbuster’s stupid CG hamster for your poorly edited picture. I wonder if Blockbuster knows about that… Guess i know where my next email is going if I don’t get an answer from you about that…

“Anybody who does not support the war on terror and in Iraq simply does not understand the circumstances. ”

So says Colonel Brian Cherry? Or is it Major General Cherry? Seriously, what military experience do you have that you have such a fine grasp of middle east affairs? I’ll bet you couldn’t even name the 3 warring ethnic groups in Iraq without having to look it up.

Obviously, you are the one who doesn’t understand the situation. America is creating dangerous terrorists every day by continuing to occupy Iraq. Ask any expert and he’ll tell you that terrorism’s roots lie in foreign occupation first, instability second, and poverty third. (with variations on the order). Don’t believe me? Do some actual reading, defense publications and the like, we catch whole busloads of terrorists with no prior records and the majority of them say the Iraq war is what caused them to join in the terrorism in the first place.

We are not only creating dangerous terrorists but we are giving them free training against our troops in Iraq right now. Their numbers grow and their methods are getting more sophisticated and synchronized by the day. Methods they will eventually export to the rest of the world.

“The correct answer would be zero. Liberals see no connection between the two”

That’s because scientifically there isn’t. Do you really think if some rogue terrorist wanted to make a fertilizer bomb or just go crazy and start gunning in the street they wouldn’t be able to? The reasoning that because we haven’t been attacked lately, then we must have stopped many plots is specious at best. The terrorists don’t want to attack us now because they accomplished their real mission the first time. To goad America into a muslim holy war.

Here’s something you probably didn’t know, recruitment for Al quaida was at it’s lowest levels ever after 9/11. World support for US and it’s military operations skyrocketed after 9/11. America then waged a (in my view justified) fairly successful war in afghanistan. Taliban out of power, Bin Laden on the run, Terrorist recruitment still down. Mission Accomplished. Then America started a unilateral invasion with falsified intelligence against Iraq against the advice of the UN. Terrorism recruitment is up every day since and world support for US actions is now in the shitter. Talk about squandered opportunity.

So let me spell it out nice and slow. Al quaida won’t attack the US on it’s own soil right now because that would hurt their cause. They work on a much different timeline than we do. They have no problem waiting years for a plan to come to fruition like it did on 9/11. If anything America is more vulnerable now than ever, look at the bungled response to katrina. Can you imagine if that had been a low grade nuke?

“There is no doubt that many attacks have been prevented and that intelligence attained in Iraq has prevented tragedy here in the United States. What we have also done, though, is created a terrorist ?bug zapper?.”

I think that’s a typo, what that should read is “my name is Brian Cherry and I stole the name for the flypaper theory (which has been proven dangerously wrong) and gave it a way more retarded name. I like wrestling. Derp!”

“For the first time in contemporary history terrorists have been lured into a fight with a proper military.”

Yes a proper military. They may be undermanned, overextended and under-equipped, but they sure are proper. Gentlemanly even!

“We have already seen how a liberal deals with the threat of terrorism. During the Clinton reign… (blahblahblahblah) ”

Maybe you should start counting the corpses commander codpiece has left in his wake. Go ahead. Then stack em next to clinton’s. Remember the serbian conflict? That’s starting to look pretty damn well handled around now. If clinton has a few skeletons in his closet, bush has a mass grave in his.

“and the ?Gorelick wall? which set the stage for 9/11 to happen.”

Ummmm… no.
“But if Able Danger did in fact identify Atta, the Gorelick memo and the subsequent 1995 Clinton administration guidelines based on it did not prevent the group from sharing that information with intelligence agencies or law enforcement officials. As former Attorney General John Ashcroft noted in his testimony before the 9-11 Commission, the Gorelick memo provided the “basic architecture” for the 1995 guidelines established by then-Attorney General Janet Reno that formalized rules for intelligence sharing that were already in place. But, as the 1995 guidelines clearly state, the Gorelick memo and the guidelines applied only to intelligence sharing “between the FBI and the Criminal Division” within the Justice Department, not a military unit established by the Defense Department”

“So the fact that we have been safe from attack during the Bush presidency and the victim of numerous attacks while a liberal was in office is a pattern they are somehow missing.”

When did islamic terrorists attack Americans on their soil during Clinton? I don’t think that happened. If you want to talk about worldwide, then you should realize that terrorism incidents worldwide (not even including Iraq) has risen threefold. Three times the amount since the start of the war on terror. That’s a report put out by the American government. Mysteriously the Bush administration doctored the numbers and when the real numbers were found they ordered them to stop doing the report after that. That makes me feel just so safe!

“Even if they couldn?t wrap their brains around that concept, having bin Laden actively campaign for John Kerry should have been a dead giveaway to them. They missed that, too.”

I don’t remember that happening but even if it did, wouldn’t that be evidence they actually want Bush to remain president? Obviously whatever Bin Laden says America should do, they’ll be strongly inclined to do the opposite. It seems my five year old cousin has a better grasp of reverse psychology than you.

“When you challenge them about it with cold hard facts they usually start spinning their opinions, or simply break down and cry.”

Ever stop to think it was your haircut or BO that had them in tears? Looking at your picture I’d be laughing not crying, but everyone has a defense mechanism.

“Is Alan Colmes smarter than a hamster? Obviously he is. I assume he dresses himself before the show, this puts him several points up on any rodent. It is not that liberals don?t see the patterns, it is that they are intellectually dishonest.”

Wait, let me get this straight, you write a whole article on the premise that liberals aren’t seeing patterns and aren’t understanding the situation, then you cap it off with “they understand it all, they’re just liars!”. Bravo. That kind of double think is Orwellian. Or just retarded.

“In the mind of a liberal, the military is to be used as a stick against the American people, not as a sword and shield against our enemies. Thank god these folks are no longer in power.”

Considering the polls lately (59% think Iraq is a mistake, bush under 50% approval) combined with the indictments… Looks like maybe not too much longer.

So in conclusion, you’re an idea thief, a moron, and possibly in trouble with blockbuster soon. What say you sir?

~Timmah