Mar
12
12
Because I choose not to run
This would have been slightly more topical back in October, but it’s just too good to pass up:
Right, “Bush opts to defy his stated desire.” What was wrong “Bush was lying all along”?
Adz Networkz
Hall of Flame
- World O'Crap
- Syndication:
Dot said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:09
Woot!
Dot said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:11
Defying his stated desire probably sounds like a jug band playing “Turkey in the Straw”.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:12
They had to state it in terms of decision, him being the Decider and all.
Plus defying is for strong manly conservatives, lying is for squishy femmy liberals.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:14
George prolly thought Guantanamo was one’a them there tequila bars. You know, with the little taquitos and dishes of olives instead of popcorn and cocktail weenies.
Wyatt Watts III said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:15
Back! Back, my stated desire!
I opt to defy you!
Mistress Severin said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:19
Opt to defy your stated desire, worm.
Now lick my boots.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:22
I know I promised I wouldn’t cum in your mouth, but I opted to defy my stated desire.
Frankie Laine said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:26
To spend one night with you
In our old rendezvous
And share a kiss or two,
That’s my stated desire (which I may opt to defy.)
J. Alfred Prufrock said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:27
Do I dare to eat a peach?
Or take a walk along the beach?
And would I court the universe’s ire
Should I opt to defy my stated desire?
Loneoak said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:29
Guantanamo is W’s chastity belt.
Obligatory Fart Joke said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:32
The first opter to defy his stated desire is the feller.
Bitter Scribe said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:32
Oh, you have to consider the context. Bush was all ready to close Guantanamo just as soon as:
1) adequate provisions could be made for the terrorist enemy combatants;
2) the war in Iraq was brought to a satisfactory conclusion;
3) Saddam’s WMDs were discovered;
4) it rained beer in Texas.
Simba B said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:33
Parody?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:34
Stated desire,
Closing of Guantanamo.
Pull the other one.
Wyatt Watts III said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:35
Opt to defier of stated desire, opt to defier of stated desire, pants on fire.
Jim Morrison said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:38
Come on baby my defier
Let’s opt to thwart my stated desire
Loneoak said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:39
Parody?
Huh? Is confused. Do you mean is that link a parody? Isn’t a chastity belt for opting to defy one’s desire?
Galactic Dustbin said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:39
Sounds like an episode of the Red Shoes Diaries.
He was President that played by his own set of rules.
She was a prison camp from the wrong side of the tracks.
Defiance brought them together.
Sluggo said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:41
Um, yeah…that’s from October. Are you like, not in America, or something? Like some foreign continent, or whatevs?
SomeNYGuy said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:41
My stated desire was to lose weight and quit smoking, but I courageously opted to defy it.
Simba B said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:42
Yup.
George W. Bush said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:44
Confronted by my own intransigence, I chose to cut and run.
(Mikey Gerson wrote this for me.)
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:50
I had some detainees and they wouldn’t loose their tongues
So I poured hot water on their left hand lungs
Then I poured hot water on their right hand lungs
And them detainees like songbirds did sungs
Gitmo in the straw, combatants in some chains
Gitmo in the straw, combatants in some chains
Roll ‘em up and twist ‘em up in a long time standing
Frequent flyer them to a tune called Turkey in the Straw.
Loneoak said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:57
you mean is that link a parody?
Yup.
Don’t think so. Found it on the first search for “chastity+belt+men”. And was amazed. And horrified. I mean, they might as well come and say “Jesus wants you to put your dick in this plastic thingy so you don’t fuck anyone but the little lady.”
SomeNYGuy said,
March 12, 2009 at 23:59
“Jesus wants you to put your dick in this plastic thingy so you don’t fuck anyone but the little lady.”
Magic underwear!
handy said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:03
) it rained beer in Texas.
And this had the best chance of happening first under lame chimpy.
handy said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:07
Oh, and as for October surprises, I’m still waiting for NutQuarter to release that whitey tape.
Zifnab said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:08
The LIE-brul media always has to paint everything in the worst way possible.
mikey said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:09
“Jesus wants you to put your dick in this plastic thingy so you don’t fuck anyone but the little lady.”
Huh. Jesus is constantly counseling me to put my dick in all SORTS of people and places. It’s, like, his very first suggestion every time.
The waitress will come over to the table to hand me a menu and just like clockwork jesus is whispering “put your dick in HER!! Heh heh heh.”
Sounds to me like jesus is at least inconsistent as hell, and maybe even schizo…
mikey
Zifnab said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:11
Is that anything like “Dick in a box”?
Disemvoweled troll: Lord Harry said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:14
Th Lbr gvrnmnt f Grt Brtn s tlmtly rspnsbl fr th slmfctn f thr nc prd nd mghty ntn. Th PC mltcltrl rgm sks t rs ll spcts f Brtsh cltr whl smltnsly llwng mslm mmgrtn frm th trd wrld.
http://www.xprss.c.k/rcmmnts/vw/88938
Rd ths rtcl lbs, wh knws t my chng yr mnds.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:15
I’m not much of a believer, but I LIKE mikey’s jesus…
As long as he can stop the GWB chuckling, that is…
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:20
The waitress will come over to the table to hand me a menu and just like clockwork jesus is whispering “put your dick in HER!! Heh heh heh.”
Is that who’s whispering that all the time? I did wonder.
Teh Toaster said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:20
Come on, mikey; listen to Jesus…
Jesus said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:23
Sure I died to save mankind, but I opted to defy my stated desire.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:25
If only the troll links would return disemvoweled web pages, too.
And no, I don’t click on troll links. But I would if they’d come back disemvoweled.
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:26
just like clockwork jesus is whispering
Tell me more about this Clockwork Jesus. Does he come with Westminster chimes?
Another Kiwi said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:26
What’s so wrong with peace, love and hubba hubba?
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:28
PlasticRubber hubba hubba is the problem.Caliph Garrett said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:35
Clockwork Jesus is real horrorshow.
Loneoak said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:38
Sounds to me like jesus is at least inconsistent as hell, and maybe even schizo…
This poses an interesting philosophical question: If the voices whispering in your ear are schizo, what are you?
Jeffersonian Republican said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:39
You liberals won’t be so snarky in 2010 when the voters reject Obama’s socialist polices and vote the Republicans into power.
I tell you, I hope Obama continues down the path of socialism, it will only serve to further discredit the Democratic Party and liberalism itself as an ideology.
Face it libs, the American people don’t like socialism and don’t like big government. It looks like your’re gonna have to learn it the hard way at the ballot box.
Nick Lowe said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:42
What’s so wrong with peace, love and hubba hubba?
It ain’t funny, that’s what.
mikey said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:43
As long as he can stop the GWB chuckling, that is…
Always thought that was chortling.
Ah well. I stand corrected…
mikey
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:44
the hard way at the ballot box.
What’s that, Clockwork Jesus? You think I should stick my dick in it?
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:48
chortle me, mama, eight to the bar….
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:50
You liberals won’t be so snarky in 2010 when the voters reject Obama’s socialist polices and vote the Republicans into power.
The power of the Snark is undeniable!!
Zombie Thomas Jefferson knows what I mean, uh-huh….
ZTJ just wanted to smoke a little hemp and get it on with the ladies….
handy said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:56
So that must be a beer stain Clockwork Jesus is sporting on his shirt, and not a sacred heart. The teetotaling Evangelicals will surely be offended, as will the Catholics, but I bet the Lutherans will find Clockwork Jesus A-Okay.
Lawnguylander said,
March 13, 2009 at 0:56
His 12 droogs brought the donkey to Clockwork Jesus, put their coats on it, and he sat on it. The donkey purred away a real horrowshow – a nice, warm vibraty feeling all through his guttiwuts.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:03
The power of the Snark is undeniable!!
I need an old wit and a young wit-ersnapper.
The power of Snark compels you!
In the name of the Turkey in the Straw I cast thee out!
In the name of Cloclwork Jesus, I cast thee out!
In the name of smoking some hemp and getting it with the ladies – I cast thee out!
Fuck on Toast said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:05
Republican Presidents are incapable of lying.
Steampunk Jesus said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:06
Fuck a buncha clockwork.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:09
Republican Presidents are incapable of lying.
because doublethink allows them to believe, to truly believe, whatever is coming out of their piehole at any given moment, even if it is directly contradicted by something they said two minutes earlier or three minutes later.
It’s a gift, it’s exquisite performance art, but what it is NOT, is truth.
Clockwork Sex-Droid said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:10
What Steampunk Jesus said.
Till said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:10
If only the troll links would return disemvoweled web pages, too.
You could always Swedish Chef-ify them. For example:
http://www.tiffman.com/bork.cgi?url=http://www.sadlyno.com
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:11
Fuck a buncha clockwork.
Sunday, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!
Teh First National Jesus-Off!
Clockwork Jesus delivers teh Sermon on the Mount!!
Steampunk Jesus calculates log tables wjile walking on water!!!
Punctuation Jesus puts periods on both sides of the ) as well as turning commas to apostrophes!!!!
Vendo-mat Jesus feeds the multitudes with a few fish and loaves (of quarters)!!!!!
More Exclamtion Points Than Your Normal Week-End!!!!!
Tithing your salary gets you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge!!!!!!!
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:12
Republican Presidents are incapable of lying.
also incapable of telling the truth.
Clockwork Sex-Droid said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:13
Moustache rides, $5!
g said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:13
Republican Presidents are incapable
of lying.fixed that for you.
Clockwork Sex-Droid said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:15
FYWP does not trust my ‘Tik-Tok’ link. Hmmpph.
Thomas Friedman has stolen Tik-Tok’s moustache. That is all.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:16
Clockwork Sex-Droid said
Wow, brings need meaning to the term “grind my gears”.
Chump said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:18
Because fighting one’s own self in great masculine defyance sounds more macho, instead of saying he’s full of shit or is indecisive or had second thoughts (well that’d be just flat out unbelievable since there wasn’t a first thought).
Steampunk Jesus said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:23
I am aware that Steampunk relies heavily on a clockwork motif, but still. Also, Clockwork Sex-Droid (Glenn Reynolds wants to subscribe to yr newsletter, btw).
Freshitt said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:27
You are reading along all amused and up jumps Jeffersonian Republican trying to scare the beejesus out of libs. Like that’s possible after the past 8 years…of Cheney.
JR–Just remember tax cuts need incomes to cut taxes from. What else ya got?
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:27
Glenn Reynolds wants to subscribe to yr newsletter, btw
The cover art for “Tik-Tok of Oz” (thank you, Gazoogle Image Search) is the creepiest thing I’ve seen for, oohh, about 15 minutes.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:28
Other examples of where W thwarted his own stated desire:
To restore integrity and dignity to the White House.
Uniter not a divider.
Compassionate conservative.
Fiscal conservative.
Stop sucking off Saudi princes.
Victory over teh Pretzel.
Read an entire book, one that doesn’t pictures on every page even!
handy said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:28
As long as this doesn’t turn into a comic geek fight about which Jesus is more awesomer and divine, I’m cool with the discussion.
mikey said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:29
I’m not an authority by any means, but I THINK clockwork is not powered by steam (more likely a wound spring of some sort, or maybe some cams and shit.). While steampunk can utilize clockwork, but must be powered by pressurized steam.
At any rate, all praise to mechanical jesus in all his forms and guises…
Oh, and we oughta check with that holy spirit thingamabob…
mikey
Johnny Coelacanth said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:33
“fight about which Jesus is more awesomer and divine”
Apple Jesus is much more well designed and user friendly than Microsoft Jesus.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:34
Microsoft Jesus has all those viruses! Ick.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:38
Yeah, the security issues in Microsoft Jesus drove me into the arms of open source Jesus. Yahwehbuntu is my current distro.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:38
The new Apple Jesus require Proprietary headphones!
Hardcore Pr0n said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:39
I’ve got to say, the Swedish Chefalizer is extremely cool.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:42
Kweschun for grammar expertitos –
What’s the plural form of Jesus?
Jesuses
Jesii
Jesae
Jesinuum
Jesices
Also, what is their collective noun? Would they be a flock? A gathering? A pantheon? A pod?
J— said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:43
Someone’s going to Hell for this one.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:47
“Also, what is their collective noun? Would they be a flock? A gathering? A pantheon? A pod?”
A Martyr. A murder of crows, a martyr of Jesii.
"a friend" of krassen said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:47
Hmm, how shall I put this…
Upon close inspection of the male chastity belt, it just seems to me that, given the poor record of Republicans with women, this may well serve as an acceptable substitute… Or in other words, could it be, that the “chastity” belt actually defies its stated purpose?
Oh, wait, was that the whole point? Man, I am dumb… My friend that is… Oh, never mind…
Dregun-Keeng Vungchoock said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:51
PEEEN-ISH-A. Bork, bork bork.
Righteous Bubba said,
March 13, 2009 at 1:59
All hail Kiwi ingenuity:
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:05
Apparently the collective noun for a collection of undefined materials is a ‘crux’.
This is the crux of the matter.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:05
You know how much funnier this shit is without some lame-ass troll interrupting with an attention grab every other comment?
All hail the disemvoweler!! tintin rocks.
krassen said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:07
Dragon-King Wangchuck ,
Me think, it’s just “Jizz”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:07
Also, allow me to point out – first the disemvowelling, then the steampunk. It’s only a matter of days before we start seeing non-stop posts about DMCA and copyright abuse.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:10
Yes, Dragon-King, it is up to you to stop it with your PENIS.
mikey said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:14
before we start seeing non-stop posts about DMCA and copyright abuse.
Well, truth be told, I DID reverse engineer clockwork jesus and developed a little php routine that bypasses the Content and History Replication Inversion Tool.
As you may know, CHRIST technology prevents people from seeing through the patented mumbo and it’s technological successor for enterprise jesus platforms, jumbo.
As such, according to the DMCA I can’t even print my DE-CHRIST code on a freakin TEE SHIRT!
Now how is that ok?
Discuss…
mikey
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:17
What’s the plural form of Jesus?
A drywall crew.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:18
as a liberal, I feel guilty about that last….
Johnny Coelacanth said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:18
“A drywall crew.”
Heh. Also, lol.
tigrismus said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:22
Oh, and we oughta check with that holy spirit thingamabob…
Holy Spirit, Holy Ghost, Magic Smoke, it’s all the same. Behold the pneuminous!
J— said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:30
Torture, like Steven Crowder, is funny, funny, funny.
Woodrowfan said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:49
don’t, it was funny as hell.
Another Kiwi said,
March 13, 2009 at 2:50
Dear god, keep the Kiwis away from anything that might be, shall we say, “valuable”. Ostrogoths would feel embarrassed is all I’ll say.
Which of them Jesus’s can turn my tap water into 1945 Château Mouton Rothschild? That’s the one I will vote for.
Gary Ruppert said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:02
The fact is, look what your Obsama-led class war has resulted in:
http://www.reuters.com/article/wtUSInvestingNews/idUSL312427120090312
http://www.reuters.com/article/ousiv/idUSTRE52B4II20090312
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:05
Yes, Gary Johnson is right!
We should just keel-haul the bastardos. eff their bonuses, and their ‘rising salaries’ too!
itwasntme said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:08
W’s desire was to close Gitmo. What they left out was that it was his desire to close it after torturing everyone there until they were dead. That, sadly, he was not able to do, so against his will, it was kept open.
Freshitt said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:09
Did anyone else go to Loneoak’s chastity belt link? gawd, what an idea and all in see-through plastic with a ring you adjust. Hardly a turn-on, but what did I expect–some penises actually all locked up. hahaha
jim said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:10
Gesundheit!
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:17
non-stop posts about DMCA and copyright abuse.
I see what you do there.
PeeJ said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:22
From the testimonials.
Also,
http://www.christiansandbdsm.com/cbdsmintro.html
http://www.sexinchrist.com/submission.html
and such as.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:22
alright, non-zombie posting here;
Tonight, I am busy in the midst of a little design project. In the past, I have used MST3K and Monty Python as background entertainment in these interludes, because I have found that laughing is a great way to make the endorphins rush and the brain limber and the hands expressive….
Tonight, it’s the Sadly, No commie-entariat. So thanks all, and especially thanks to Tintin and the proprietors for cleaning up the nasties to allow the funny back in. It’s making my work better.
As the kids would say, LOL. Working for me, it is.
J— said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:29
The testimonials are great. Another masturbation preoccupation: “I also had a problem with frequent masturbation that had a big impact on my performance with my wife. We are not into any weird domination at all, as we are a Christian family.”
Sociopathetic said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:33
Bookmark this, libs!
Repoobleecun Preseedents ere-a incepeble-a ooff lyeeng. Bork Bork Bork!
PeeJ said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:37
What’s with this Bjork Bjork Bjork? I thought she was like so 10 minutes ago.
Robert Bork said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:41
I’m a noun, a verb, and an asshole.
laym said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:42
Tonight on “Stuff You Really Don’t Want to Know About and Will Be Sorry Once You Do” – male chastity belts.
MzNicky said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:44
My stated desire was to lose weight and quit smoking, but I courageously opted to defy it.
A man after my own heart.
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:44
“Bork” oor “Burked” es ferb
Veelliem Seffure-a ooff Zee Noo Yurk Teemes ettreebootes “pusseebly” zee furst use-a ooff ‘Burked’ es a ferb tu Zee Etlunta Juoornel-Cunsteetooshun ooff Oogoost 20, 1987. Seffure-a deffeenes “tu bork” by refference-a “tu zee vey Demucrets sefeged Runeld Reegun’s numeenee-a, zee Eppeels Cuoort joodge-a Rubert H. Bork, zee yeer beffure-a.” [10] Thees deffeenishun stems frum zee heestury ooff zee feeght oofer Burk’s numeeneshun. Bork Bork Bork![4] Bork ves veedely looded fur hees cumpetence-a, boot refeeled fur hees puleeticel pheelusuphy. In Merch 2002, zee vurd ves edded tu zee Ooxffurd Ingleesh Deecshunery under “Bork”; its deffeenishun ixtends beyund joodeeciel numeenees, steteeng thet peuple-a vhu bork oozeers “usooelly [du su] veet zee eeem ooff prefenteeng [a persun's] eppueentment tu poobleec ooffffeece-a.”
Perheps zee best knoon use-a ooff zee ferb tu bork ooccoorred in Jooly 1991 et a cunfference-a ooff zee Neshunel Oorguneezeshun fur Vumee in Noo Yurk Ceety. Femeenist Flurynce-a Kennedy eddressed zee cunfference-a oon zee impurtunce-a ooff deffeeteeng zee numeeneshun ooff Clerence-a Thumes tu zee U.S. Soopreme-a Cuoort. She-a seeed, “Ve’re-a gueeng tu bork heem. Ve’re-a gueeng tu keell heem puleeticelly. . . . Thees leettle-a creep, vhere-a deed he-a cume-a frum?”[11] Thumes ves soobseqooently cunffurmed effter oone-a ooff zee must deefisife-a cunffurmeshun feeghts in Soopreme-a Cuoort heestury. Bork Bork Bork!
mky said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:46
Um, excuse me.
Just a quick question. Help me out and I’ll be on my way.
What is this “problem” of frequent masturbation you speak of?
Why would “frequent masturbation” be a problem?
I’m thinking jesus decides what we can do, what we’re capable of, what we can “Squeeze out” of our lives.
And Clockwork jesus keeps telling me to do it some more…
mikey
George W. Wiggum said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:49
I choo choo choose not to do what I choose!
I like paste!
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:50
A man after my own heart.
How many calories does it contain?
laym said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:50
I never woulda stopped going to church if they preached about Mikey’s Jesus.
Disemvoweled Troll:The Authentic said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:51
gss mssd th rprt tht sttd Gtm prsn ws clsd.
Bgrm prsn s stll n prtn t.
Trps r stll n rq.
Crrpt Clntn rtrds hv bn ppntd. Wll, sm hd t wthdrw, bt thn gn, w dd gt Trsry Scrtry wh ddn’t fl th nd t py hs txs.
Grgntn sms f ntrcbl mny hs bn dmpd nt crprtns.
Hlth cr s n xctly th sm mss s t hs bn, wth Bg Phrm cntnng t b hg dnr t bth stblshmnt prts.
Yh, bm s rlly fllwng thrgh. Gd jb n th snrky* Bsh cmmnt, thgh.
* Nt tht t ws fnny. Stll wtng fr n ntntnlly fnny pst t ths “hmr” st.
MzNicky said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:54
I don’t have a fucking clue in hell what’s going on here. If I don’t understand SOMETHING in the next five minutes, I will be forced to go watch the season finale or whatever of “ER” with the spouse. Have mercy please.
MzNicky said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:56
PS — “Authentic”
deservesis begging for disemvoweling ASAP.mky said,
March 13, 2009 at 3:57
Good old fashion random madness, Mz.
Smart people saying dumb things ’cause they can!
Oh, and it’s funny.
mikey
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:00
Actually, The Authentic might be helping to serve a purpose here.
It’s true that Gitmo ain’t closed yet – but I am liking that this is now an affront as opposed to “well, of course!”
So yes, Mr. The Authentic – lend us your trollish trollery to help push that there Overton Window leftwards.
PeeJ said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:02
I don’t have a fucking clue in hell what’s going on here.
♫All you need is poop…
Poop is all you need ♪
J— said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:04
I don’t have a fucking clue in hell what’s going on here.
Try Three Bulls.
Clint said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:09
Oh waiter… I found some vowels in my Authentic troll bits. Could you take them back and remove them pronto?
The Authentic said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:13
GTMO STLL OPN
PRSDNT BRCK BS AGN
Oregon Guy said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:16
Frequent masturbation is a feature, not a bug.
mky said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:31
#
Oh waiter… I found some vowels in my Authentic troll bits. Could you take them back and remove them pronto?
And while you’re at it, could I put my dick in you?
mky
Major Kong said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:34
“If you don’t stop that you’ll go blind!”
“Can I just do it until I need glasses?”
The Authentic, Re-emvowelled and Ventriloquizing Larry Craig said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:36
Get More Stalls Open! Present Brackish Bullshit Again!
laym said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:38
could I put my dick in you
The power of Christ compels you
mky said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:41
I only seek to honor His name.
Oh, and get off. That’s important too…
mikey
El Cid said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:47
Look, it’s been a long run, but no matter what, even if the crowds keep applauding and begging for encores, even a show like “Guantanamo” has to close.
Asservating Arky said,
March 13, 2009 at 4:57
There once was a big tough decider,
who said ‘Heh, don’t you call me no liar.”
The question you pose
Bout the jail I said that I’d close,
Doesn’t matter, I defy my desire!
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:01
Because it is bitter, and because it is my BLART.
could I put my dick in you
Cue teh chorus from FAITH HEALER.
Jesus said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:10
What is this “problem” of frequent masturbation you speak of?
Well, now and then one is compelled to attend the funeral of a close relative, or renew one’s license at the DMV, or vote in a booth with a broken curtain.
Also, it’s not a Martyr of Jesii, it’s a Mess o’ Messiahs.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:11
I’m outed — I’m Jesus. Holy shit.
Betty Poop said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:12
A-poop-poop-a-doop!
SomeNYGuy said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:15
Look, it’s been a long run, but no matter what, even if the crowds keep applauding and begging for encores, even a show like “Guantanamo” has to close.
As my father said to my mother at intermission of the Broadway production of Mama Mia!, “Gloria, if you try to make me sit through the second act I’m going to hang myself from the mezzanine rail.”
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:17
How about a mass o’schisms?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:31
SomeNYGuy said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:11
I’m outed — I’m Jesus. Holy shit.
Hellfire and eternal damnation are your just desserts!
Would you like the jello™?
SomeNYGuy said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:32
That would indeed be a suitable punishment. I fucking hate Jello™.
Scumbag College Debate Team said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:38
I’M COMPLETELY BLOODY SICK OF THIS
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:52
What about Jello™ with cream cheese and pineapple, SomeNYGuy?
Hmmmm?
PeeJ said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:54
I’m outed — I’m Jesus
Don’t flatter yourself. Jesus was outed years ago.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 13, 2009 at 5:56
Okay, I’m ready to confess. I killed Chandra Levy.
Jon Stewart said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:16
Looks like my interview with Jim Cramer broke the internets. Or ended the world.
Willy said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:20
Munching down on that bag of dicks, eh? Didn’t momma tell you not to talk with your mouth full?
77south said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:25
Well, Jesus is a the greek form of the Hebrew word Joshua right? So just like the plural of the greek word ‘octopus’ is octopode, it must therefore follow that the plural of Jesus must be Jesode*.
*any resemblance to actual knowledege of greek is purely coincidental.
Scumbag College Debate Team said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:28
Jesode is pronounced “chode”
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:29
Joshuim.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:32
????????
Scumbag College Debate Team said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:32
“I’ve got a Porsche”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:37
My mommy is good lookin’.
And daddy is rich.
M. Bouffant said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:46
What about Jello™ with cream cheese and pineapple, SomeNYGuy?
DANGER: Mormons!!
M. Bouffant said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:47
I’m getting nauseous just thinking about that. Urrrp.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:49
It’s not a recipe. It’s a sign of the Apocalypse.
Patrick McHenry said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:54
And then, this one time at Jesus camp? Pastor stuck his penis in my poopy chute!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
March 13, 2009 at 6:58
No no no, when Teh Apocalypse™³²®© finally show up, he/she/it/bird will be showered with Ring Dings.
This will be OUR sign to begin the Boobie parades.
~
a different brad said,
March 13, 2009 at 7:05
This idea of “boobie parades” intrigues me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Also,
fck y, shlmp
DH said,
March 13, 2009 at 7:24
I commend all SadlyNo readers to Dr Orly Taitz (and commenters)! Living proof that there is no Peak Wingnut, and that the supply will never run out:
“Supreme Court of the United States
Gail Lightfoot, Neil B. Turner, Kathleen Flanagan, James M. Oberschain, Camden W. McConnell, Pamela Barnett, Evelyn Bradley
v.
Debra Bowen, Secretary of The State Of California
APPLICATION FOR EMERGENCY STAY AND/OR INJUNCTION AS TO THE 2008 ELECTORAL COLLEGE MEETING AND ALTERNATIVELY AS TO CALIFORNIA ELECTORS
http://defendourfreedoms.us/2009/03/12/motion-to-reconsider-lightfoot-v-bowen.aspx#Comment
Dr Taitz clearly received her law degree from a Cornflakes packet.
Oregon Guy said,
March 13, 2009 at 7:37
Why is Abraham Lincoln chasing that stripper with a bayonet?
Loneoak said,
March 13, 2009 at 7:45
This will be OUR sign to begin the Boobie parades.
Don’t fire till you see the pink of their aureolas.
M. Bouffant said,
March 13, 2009 at 8:50
I was going to ask if there were a reason I shouldn’t go to sleep now. Obviously, there isn’t …
Anne Laurie said,
March 13, 2009 at 9:22
The cover art for “Tik-Tok of Oz” (thank you, Gazoogle Image Search) is the creepiest thing I’ve seen for, oohh, about 15 minutes.
The original Tik-Tok was indeed clockwork, wound up with a key, and in many ways the prototype of the media Robot Servant. (I don’t think he ever actually monotones “Danger, Dorothy Gayle” but even at the age of 8 I could see the resemblance.) (And given Tik-Tok’s porn-stache, insert your own Friedman joke here.) But as far as I was concerned, the *really* creepy character in OZMA OF OZ was Princess Langwidere, a fashionable maiden who swapped heads instead of changing outfits… the concept of a functional consciousness which functioned completely independent of the brain gave me nightmares.
P.S. THANK YOU, oh Sadly Masters, for the disenvowelment plug-in!
commie atheist said,
March 13, 2009 at 9:40
Also, Durrrr.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lt2DL7c-lDI/SblwiNUauVI/AAAAAAAAAHU/hzi1NL7rp6Q/s1600-h/mcaddled4.jpg
Thank you, Lawnguylander,thank you.
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 10:27
I was going to ask if there were a reason I shouldn’t go to sleep now.
The clowns will eat you.
Smut Clyde said,
March 13, 2009 at 10:29
Why is Abraham Lincoln chasing that stripper with a bayonet?
I was not previously aware that any reason was required.
kiki said,
March 13, 2009 at 11:09
Look, it’s been a long run, but no matter what, even if the crowds keep applauding and begging for encores, even a show like “Guantanamo” has to close
Should be Guantanamo! (with exclamation mark). Think the Cuba scene from Guys and Dolls.
R.D. said,
March 13, 2009 at 11:13
I went to the doctor yesterday and he told me I had to stop masturbating so much.
I said ‘Why?’
He said ‘So I can examine you, for God’s sake.’
N__B said,
March 13, 2009 at 13:57
OT, such as the topic is, the disemvoweling is heaven on earth for those of us reading and posting from hotel lobbies using Safari on an iPod. Praise Mikey’s Jesus…or is that fuck for Mikey’s Jesus.
The Goddamn Batman's Stated Desire Was To Bring All Criminals To Justice, But Then The Goddamn Catwoman Came Along, And, Well, You Know, Black Latex From Head To Toe, What Could A Goddamn Batman Opt To Do? said,
March 13, 2009 at 17:14
I never got into the Oz books past the second one, because the idea that I might really be a girl under a magic spell just sorta freaked my shit out.
jim said,
March 13, 2009 at 18:28
I opt to defy my stated desire for a Mecha-My-Little-Pony. But only until someone designs & constructs one that conforms to my exact obscene & lethal specifications … after that point, heck, it’s all good.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 13, 2009 at 20:52
Mecha-My-Little-Pony
Win.
Bitter Scribe said,
March 13, 2009 at 23:25
What’s with this Bjork Bjork Bjork? I thought she was like so 10 minutes ago.
She’s the only thing from Iceland that hasn’t gone bankrupt.