Feb
25
25
Shorter Bobby Jindal
- Hey, look at me. Both my parents were from a foreign country, not just my father. Neither, however, were from Africa. The stimulus bill doesn’t create jobs because the new cars bought for the government will be built by elves and fairies, not real workers. Also, that train to Las Vegas, it will be built by elves and fairies too. How else do you think it will “levitate”? And who do you think is going to monitor the volcanoes? Elves and fairies, I tell you. Oh, and another thing, tax cuts don’t create deficits. Vote for me in 2012. God bless Louisiana.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
[Thanks whichwayisup for the Photoshop inspiration.]
noen said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:11
He wrote that speech all by hisself he did.
noen said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:14
And also, you can trust republicans because of Katrina. No srsly, trust us. also.
Mooser said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:15
And those mag-lev trains! You know if something is levitatin, the Debbil must be involved. And Bobby Jindal knows how to deal with the devil.
Mooser said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:16
http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/06/bobby_jindals_dance_with_the_d.php
The link to Jindal’s career as an excorsist. Of course, from what I heard “extortionist” is wear he’s headed now
fillerbunny said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:17
Jindal’s “response” had about the same relevance to Obama’s speech as Republican policies have to reality. This is a good thing for Republicans.
Lesley said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:23
Jindal: The stimulus bill is wrong, bad, the absolute worst thing to do. You’ll never see me accepting Obama’s offer of $3.8-billion for my state.
Never say Jindal’s not a man of his word. He took $3.7 billion.
stackozone said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:34
Jindal: government can never help the American people, and I hold up the glaring example of the Republican response – or lack of it – to Hurricane Katrina as proof!
Anyways, I propose we sign a non-aggression treaty with the Gnome King to prevent more volcanoes, not any of yer fancy-schmancy “science”! Who’s with me?
{crickets}
Another Kiwi said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:35
The comments are where the comedy gold is:
Disagree generally or with specifics? I guess some of the Republicans that would disagree that they lost their way might get a bit antsy at being called socialists.
islmfaoscist said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:39
Piyush Jindal chose his nickname from the Brady Bunch kid.
Oh, and he hates hates that stimulus money… but is willing to compromise by stripping out the commiesocialist unemployment assistance part and keeping the rest.
noen said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:44
Bobby Jindal => the tan Gollum.
E'twi d'maela said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:51
It’s kind of incredible realizing that we’ve already seen the first casualty of the 2012 election only a month after the winner of the 2008 election took office.
Not Sure said,
February 25, 2009 at 10:52
I’m…not sure…I will ever be able to hear Jindal’s name and not immediately rhyme it with swindle.
tensor said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:03
Shorter Entire American
RightWrong Wing:Since we’re abject failures at every non-rape activity we occasionally bother to attempt, that means everybody else in this country sucks, too.
Just Alison said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:12
Wow, I just listened to Jindal’s speech, and I’m embarrassed on behalf of all of you Americans. Lordy lordy, where did they dig him up from? I was apologising to my cat, fergodssakes!
What a complete doofus. Yeah, Jindal/Palin 2012!
Honestly, though, hasn’t it been a lovely circus the last few weeks? The breaking waves of foaming right-wing frothitude, each wailing about something different, as though the world’s about to end because there’s a democratic darky in the Whitey House.
About a month, it’s been, hasn’t it? And there’s all the righty commentators in one corner shrieking how Obama’s burned the economy, while in the other corner there’s ol’ Bobby Jindal, just the brownish reincarnation of good ol’ Ronald Reagan, makin’ us all feel jus’ peachy, as if the world is young and innocent, and how Americans can do anything.
In that case, I’d like American Bobby Jindal to shut the fuck up.
Just Alison said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:15
But wasn’t Bobby the Brady kid who eventually went on to become a complete druggy? Or was he the one who committed suicide? I know he was the annoying brat, but I had a feeling something unpleasant happened to him in later years.
Sorry, I’m not as knowledgeable about my Brady lore as I should be.
He *really* named himself after Bobby Brady?!? Really? And the Repubs think he’s their best hope? Bwahahahahahahaha!
Honestly, this year is comedy gold.
owlbear1 said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:16
They’re going for the pity voter!!
Joe Max said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:24
Palin/Jindal in 2012!
Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!!
justme said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:43
This
Troy said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:50
“Jindal is going to blow President Teleprompter out of the water tonight.”
Conservative Clown Troll is . . . Clownish!
a different brad said,
February 25, 2009 at 12:50
I’m still having trouble with the governor of Louisiana mocking attempts to predict and prepare for natural disasters. Hah, volcanoes!
Even Fox was down on Jindal’s performance. He’s toast.
The often overlooked part of the exorcism story is at the end, where he claims they also cured their friend’s cancer.
TR said,
February 25, 2009 at 14:30
I heard he’s going to chase away the deficit by unleashing the Hill Witch.
LittlePig said,
February 25, 2009 at 15:04
That was my first experience with the MSNBC opinion tracker graphic. I thought it was a hoot that when Bobby J said “Republicans have lost their way” that ol red line dropped down from it steady 90% to around 50%.
Sonsabitches can’t accept *any* kind of responsibility.
Major Kong said,
February 25, 2009 at 15:13
While I don’t really care that his real name is Piyush Jindal, since we got to hear Barack Hussein Obama over and over and over I think we might want to go with it.
biff diggerence said,
February 25, 2009 at 15:36
You really should listen to me.
I’m the governor of a Confederate Shithole.
OTB said,
February 25, 2009 at 15:53
Alt.shorter.jindal: I admit that Republicans have screwed everything up; however, that cannot deter us from our goal of winning back your trust by continuing our failed past policies while reflexively blocking every attempt to correct the problem because it was proposed by a halfrican with a D next to his name. Many the many-armed monkey goddess bless America!
MzNicky said,
February 25, 2009 at 15:53
Let me see if I’ve got this right: The Republican party’s fairness-doctriney “We Get To Give a Rebuttal to the Butt-head President On National TV Too” response to President Obama’s address to Congress, February 2009, was given by a 37-year-old Indian anchor-baby named Piyush Jindal who’s been governor of Louisiana for about a year and who, having converted to Catholicism from Hinduism, has participated in an exorcism, and who used his own party’s piss-ass response to Katrina, which devastated his own state, to trot out the threadbare trope that “big gubmint sux” and thus he’s not taking B. Hussein X’s stimulus money. Is that about it?
Even (especially?) when the Rethugs are trying to emulate the Dems without overtly appearing to do so (i.e., “let’s us get some colored boy too”) they fuck up, to the hilarity of all. Hmmm… wonder if there are any actual working minds left that may be trying to slither out from under all the charred timbers and rotted shambles of the party formerly known as Republican and start anew? Like with some fresh non-insane ideas, if they can come up with any?
El Wanko said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:05
Gov. Jindal says:
Gov. Jindal should have said:
Suck on that, Malkin!
Dan D said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:10
I liked the beginning of the address where he talks about his parents having to beg doctors because they couldn’t afford to pay for the delivery. MoveOn should work that into an ad for UHC; “Bobby’s Story”, set to sad music.
moondancing said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:14
He’s nailed the Howdy Doody thing. He’ll be invited to all the GOP fund raisers…as long as he uses the service entrance…
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:21
Jindal-Palin, Jindal-Palin, Jindal all the way…
Legalize said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:23
Watching Bobby Jindal was like watching a really really really fucking boring trainwreck. Seriously, “pre-existing condition”? Seriously. You’re quoting the insurance industry? Dude. Seriously.
Legalize said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:26
Also. Creepiest entrance into a room ever. Also.
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:35
What was it, the sunken, soulless, slum-dog eyes? Or maybe that combined with the strange, sing-songy, Sunday-school/kindergarten teacher voice and the rigid posture? Or was it maybe the dated, dada engine speech that was really just a series of tired Republican talking points and strawmen, or the fact that it was written (or should I say generated) by someone or something that had obviously not read President Obama’s speech?
Whatever “it” was, I gotta say I LOVED it!!!
g said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:47
So…..I demand to see Bobby Jindal’s birth certificate!!!
He’s an anchor baby!
Dan D said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:48
The wingnuts didn’t like it at all. Substantively, it is the same speech Palin gave in terms of conservative boilerplate, but the stylistic difference is that Jindal wasn’t snide and sneering. Wingnuts hate that. They demand contempt for liberals from their leaders and if Jindal can’t load up on scorn, he has no future in the GOP.
CCinNC said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:53
From another sharp-as-a-tack commenter:
Jindal was fantastic. obama needs to get a new speech pattern.
Dan D said,
February 25, 2009 at 16:58
Of course then there’s the matter of the governor of Louisiana mocking disaster preparedness in bewailing of money for volcano monitoring. I expect the mayor of Pompei would have been a Republican were he alive today.
uberuber said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:02
I have to say, I was thrilled he hit on what has to be my current GOP favorite talking point, the !OMG AND THEY TOTALLY ARE GONNA BUILD A HIGH SPEED MAG-TRAIN FROM DISNEYLAND TO LAS VEGAS OMG!
Which always gives me an image of little kids in Mickey ears being forcibly strapped into high speed bullet train seats and whisked off to SinLand where they would be forced to gamble their paper route money while being seduced by a roomful of prostitutes and dandies
.
Oh, republicans, you just make political theater such delicious entertainment!
The AEI Call Center Rep said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:06
Lawd amighty, the opposition response has been outsourced.
Good evening and thank you for calling the Republican Party. My name is Piyush… I mean, “Bobby.” How may I help… I mean, I will be in the process of honoring the response for the Grand Old Party for the next interim.
uberuber said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:10
You. Can’t. Make. This. Shit. Up.
In the essay (purchase required), Jindal describes an emotional friendship with a classmate, “Susan,” recently diagnosed with skin cancer and reeling after the suicide of a close friend. Susan’s behavior becomes stranger, and she is surrounded by “sulfuric” smells. Finally, one night at a prayer meeting, she collapses in a seizure — and the exorcism begins:
The students, led by Susan’s sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, “Satan, I command you to leave this woman.” Others exhorted all “demons to leave in the name of Christ.” It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.
Jindal then describes how the whole situation made him physically uncomfortable, and he wondered if the same demon afflicting Susan was responsible for his state of nervousness:
Whenever I concentrated long enough to begin prayer, I felt some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe. . . Though I could find no cause for my chest pains, I was very scared of what was happening to me and Susan. I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.
After a lull in the event — it in fact lasted “a few hours” by Jindal’s reckoning — Susan attempted to run away, but was dutifully pinned back on the floor by her friends:
Maybe she sensed our weariness; whether by plan or coincidence, Susan chose the perfect opportunity to attempt an escape. She suddenly leapt up and ran for the door, despite the many hands holding her down. This burst of action served to revive the tired group of students and they soon had her restrained once again, this time half kneeling and half standing.
After what sounds like a number of hours, and a failed attempt at getting help from a preacher (he refused to assist), the exorcism finally concludes in dramatic fashion:
It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand.
While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence “Jesus is Lord.” Over and over, she repeated “Jesus is L..L..LL,” often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed “Jesus is Lord.”
With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, “Has something happened?” She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief.
Jindal writes proudly about the experiment’s conclusion: “When the operation occurred, the surgeons found no traces of cancerous cells. Susan claimed she had felt healed after the group prayer and can remember the sensation of being ‘purified.’”
(lifted from tpm election central)
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:13
I think I can sum up the GOP prospects for the 2012 elections this way:
Bobby, we hardly knew ye.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:14
Even Fox News said his speech was amateurish and childish. He sunk his chances at higher office, but good.
The Democratic Party said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:17
I feel faint. How will we ever recover from this ass-drubbing?
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:21
Or better yet: Jindal/Wurzelbacher!
I can see the yard signs now: Not Bobby/Not Joe
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:27
Slumdog Governor/Not The Plumber 2012!
Poopy McPants said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:42
you should add “I may look like I’m intelligent, but as soon as I open my mouth you can tell I’m as much a yokel as anyone! And I wrote this speech for a third grade class I was supposed to visit last week!”
OTB said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:51
Palin/Slumdog Millionaire 2012!!!
Oh shit,Actor212 beat me to it.
still…must…post…
JK47 said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:52
This dorkus malorkus is the guy who’s supposed to beat Barack Obama in 2012?
Presidential elections are won by the guy who appears to be the alpha male. And Piyush ain’t it.
Cargo said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:54
I for one demand to see Piyush “Bobby” Jindal’s long form birth certificate, and will not be satisfied until I am transported back in time to the day of his birth to witness it first hand. And even then I will be pretty sure it’s a hoax. Also, he was raised a Hindoo! You can’t trust those people, they won’t even eat a nice juicy real American steak!
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 17:59
Palin/Jindal, eh, OTB?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…
Polesmoker/Soulpoker 2012!
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:00
I for one demand to see Piyush “Bobby” Jindal’s long form
birthreincarnation certificateFixed for religious accuracy.
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:17
Palin/Jindal 2012–now with twice the FAIL!
PeeJ said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:22
It just keeps getting better. That juicy pork for volcano monitoring? In Alaska. Oh gawd I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Thank you Sarah, thank you Piyush, thank you thank you thank you.
OTB said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:27
The best part of all this is that Palin-Steele-Jindal were NOT chosen specifically on the basis of their sex or race. The biggest affirmative action program in history is NOT what this is. This blatant sex/race pandering is the OPPOSITE of what it appears.
Mr. Wonderful said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:46
Oh but wait. Now, I bow to no one in my seething hatred of David Brooks. But do not fail to click here–
http://tinyurl.com/asnlll
–to see his epileptic, can’t-talk-fast-enough statement of disbelief in the horribleness (“nihilism”) of Jindal.
Dave! My man!
cdc said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:46
So that Jindal guy’s freakin ridiculous, but the Slumdog Millionaire/Indian call center ethnic jokes? Lame – the kind of horseshit Republicans resort to.
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:00
How about Apu from the Simpsons? Would it be OK to make Apu jokes or would that bruise your delicate sensibilities?
Cargo said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:17
cdc – agreed. slumdog, apu, outsourcing jokes, fuck that noise. That’s not like our side.
If it wasn´t for the French you´d all be speaking English said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:19
It doesn´t matter one jot what ethnicity he is, peepuls! What´s more of interest to me is how come he´s been issued with the standard-model Republican hairdo, which looks like it belongs on a frigging Lego man and hasn´t been remodelled since the mid-1970s.
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:22
Can I point out that he looks like he’s auditioning for the Bollywood release of Gilligan’s Island?
JK47 said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:37
Whatever the opposite of “gravitas” is, that’s what Bobby Jindal has.
MzNicky said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:41
uberuber: Perhaps Susan was possessed by the Jezebel spirit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95FXn5AtOxw
(Why can’t my linkies get a proper burial anymore? Phooey.)
Lawnguylander said,
February 25, 2009 at 19:50
cdc said,
February 25, 2009 at 18:46
Hear, hear, cdc. The guy went on tv last night and made an asshole of himself and cheap ethnic jokes are necessary? The Palin = polesmoker joke is pretty fucking stupid too. Why would anyone think that’s a funny thing to say on a liberal blog?
Not Bobby the Catholic converso said,
February 25, 2009 at 20:08
Yes, if there’s one thing I have it’s ethnic pride.
Galactic Dustbin said,
February 25, 2009 at 20:19
it was Fat Tuesday, the man should have been on a float sucking down hurricanes like any good public figure in LA would do.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 20:33
That’s not like our side.
I believe in a post-partisan world, one in which even decent human beings can be assholes too. Sure there’s a strong correlation between “being a total dick” and “consevatism” – but that don’t mean that progressives have to be all huggy-kissy all the time (except Scarlett Johansson – she can be huggy-kissy at me all the time if she wants).
Anyways, if I understand Bobby correctly, he’s saying that the best advice you can get is from someone who took his second trimester wife and immigrated to a new country where he had no contacts or prospects of employment. Yeah, that’s the type of thinking we need to get through these economic tough times.
PaulG said,
February 25, 2009 at 20:45
You elected Republicans to champion limited government, fiscal discipline, and personal responsibility. Instead, Republicans went along with earmarks and big government spending in Washington.
Went along with? “Went nuts with”, might be a bit more accurate. Also, “got rich off” “paid off friends with” “put on diapers and lapped up”
Jacob Singer said,
February 25, 2009 at 20:56
Didn’t CNN online run a big front-page story yesterday about Jindal being the new rising GOP superstar? Wish I’d bookmarked that thing.
Principal Blackman said,
February 25, 2009 at 20:58
The wingnuts didn’t like it at all.
Oh, I don’t know about that:
You can always count on Mark Noonan to bring the stupid.
Anonymous said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:00
If he can actually repair Louisiana by 2012 (and not just say he has) then he might actually deserve to be president. Don’t hold your breath, he hasn’t got a prayer.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:05
Hear, hear, cdc. The guy went on tv last night and made an asshole of himself and cheap ethnic jokes are necessary? The Palin = polesmoker joke is pretty fucking stupid too. Why would anyone think that’s a funny thing to say on a liberal blog?
Um, cuz she was pregnant before she was married, asshole?
Just a thought….if you have a problem with me, Lungie, tell it to someone who gives a shit.
Steerpike said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:11
OK, fine, no more ethnic references.
It now officially uncool to refer to the honorable Governor of the Great State of Louisiana as “Gunga Dim”
Let this be noted.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:13
Jacob Singer,
Bookmark to your heart’s delight.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:14
And no more sexual orientation jokes, Steer, don’t forget that.
Cuz I sure won’t!
octopod said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:15
“Whatever the opposite of “gravitas” is, that’s what Bobby Jindal has.”
Levitas? No, that’s what Joe Biden has — looking like a goofball and knowing it. I don’t know what to call what Jindal has; however, I do know he gives off a cloud of Campus Christian Fellowship that I can smell from the opposite coast.
Also, WORD on knocking it the fuck off with the ethnic cracks. Leave that shit to the likes of Rush.
MzNicky said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:15
intellectual lightweights like Obama
Ha. Ha ha. HaHaHaHa. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahaha!!!
Rising Star of the GOP said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:16
I’m proud to be the Great
AsianWhite Hope of the Republican Party. I’m proud of my deeply heldHinduCatholic faith. Why should I be ashamed of a fine name likePiyushBobby?It’s you libs who are
paying attentionracists.Smut Clyde said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:21
I’m still having trouble with the governor of Louisiana mocking attempts to predict and prepare for natural disasters.
It sets a bad precedent. Next you’ll be trying to predict hurricanes.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:28
I know this is a trivial question, but it’s troubling me:
Why, if Bobby Jindal is only 37 years old, is his neck approaching 70?
FlipYrWhig said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:28
Will Bobby Jindal now hit the talk-show circuit to complain about how the mean press was mean to him because he wasn’t one of their kind? Isn’t that what all Republican gubernatorial embarrassments do for a second act?
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:32
Isn’t that what all Republican gubernatorial embarrassments do for a second act?
I’m afraid that’s what he’ll have to settle for, since I don’t think any of his kids are old enough to get knocked up out of wedlock. But it’s the South, so there’s always hope.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:33
Some,
After all, 13 is just a number.
tigrismus said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:33
after the people get a bellyfull of Obamunism, they will, too.
Just you hold your breath for that, Nooners!
Another Kiwi said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:33
See it was Washington’s fault. Not teh super-hero, cherry tree one, the town. Now that Exorcism Bobby is here, though, it’s going to be all right. And it’s better than being a terrorist blond, anyway.
Passerby said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:38
Um, cuz she was pregnant before she was married, asshole?
What does that have to do with fellatio, or anything, for that matter?
And don’t call longuylander an asshole. Asshole.
MzNicky said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:40
Some NYGuy: OhMyGOD. It’s really … DICK CHENEY!! In a faux thirtysomething Hindu-guy MASK!!! Run away!!!!
Doctorb said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:40
You know, an exorcism isn’t just something you get together with your college buddies and do, like a Catholic version of a ouija board. You’re supposed to have approval from a bishop, and also to be, you know, a priest who is trained as an exorcist. This whole thing sounds like those Pentacostalists who are technically Catholics or something. Or the story’s distorted somehow.
Neil said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:41
See, I tried to warn you about the PC police. Niggers.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:41
Oh, you’re absolutely right, random troll!
According to Lawnguylander and the other bluenoses here, sexual propensities and how they play into hypocrisy is no longer a fit subject for ridicule on Sadly, No! Clearly I am being totally unPC!
But “asshole”? I’m afraid you have to take back this comment, along with any cracks about Larry Craig, David Vitter and any number of other perverted Republicans you might have made.
Asshole.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:43
Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.
“Get the fuck off me, I need to go to a fucking hospital, you fuckers!”
Why, if Bobby Jindal is only 37 years old, is his neck approaching 70?
It’s because his throat needs to distend so he can swallow all the GOP crap he later regurgitates.
Alternate shorter Jindal:
“The American people can do anything,
Children can do anything,
American fighting men and women can do anything.
I repeat, the American people can do anything.
Me? I can do almost anything. Not sucking? That I cannot do.”
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:44
Since I have an asshole — and I’m guessing the rest of you also have assholes — I think we’re entitled to say “asshole.”
Kenneth said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:46
I don’t drink coffee, sir. I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the devil’s temperature.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:47
It’s because his throat needs to distend so he can swallow all the GOP crap he later regurgitates.
You know, this is closer to medical fact than you might think. One of the potential side effects of bulimarexia is premature aging of the neck. The dancer Vera-Ellen is an example of this, and her costumes were designed accordingly.
Seriously.
a different brad said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:48
I forget who said this already in this thread, but the reason Jindal really failed last night was because he didn’t come off like a bully.
The Repub base wants to vote for assholes. The mean kids in elementary school. People whose every public utterance is a joke at the expense of their opponent.
In other words, imho, Palin is all but guaranteed to get the nod. It’d take…. a lesbian affair with Rosie O’Donnell or summin to stop it.
passerby said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:50
Clearly I am being totally unPC!
Don’t know about that. But clearly you are being an asshole. A thin-skinned one, at that.
Ouch.
Lawnguylander said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:50
Um, cuz she was pregnant before she was married, asshole?
New rule, anyone who starts off a comment with “Um” is automatically a douchebag. Also, “cuz” is off limits unless you’re ironically using it as an abbreviation for cousin. Of course if someone has already shown himself to be an unfunny, bigoted and sexist douchebag who’d fit in better at Ace’s place I guess it doesn’t really matter.
According to Lawnguylander and the other bluenoses here, sexual propensities and how they play into hypocrisy is no longer a fit subject for ridicule on Sadly, No! Clearly I am being totally unPC!
Doy.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:50
It’d take…. a lesbian affair with Rosie O’Donnell or summin to stop it.
But if Palin had a lesbian affair with Mary Cheney, that would be just fine.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:51
New rule, anyone who starts off a comment with “Um” is automatically a douchebag.
Since you made no provisions for quoting someone else, you’re a douchebag too.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:52
Poor Lawngie…you don’t realize just how badly you’ve been exposed. Read on, son, read on.
You bridge and tunnel people…
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:53
But if Palin had a lesbian affair with Mary Cheney, that would be just fine.
It would be irresponsible for us not to speculate.
Or speculum.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:55
A thin-skinned one, at that.
Says the anonymous troll….
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:57
It would be irresponsible for us not to speculate.
Or expectorate.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 21:58
I’m just glad you didn’t say “ejaculate”. It’s bad enough one liberal is in hot water with the PC police here…
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:01
New rule, anyone who starts off a comment with “Um” is automatically a douchebag.
Awww, shit. I love starting comments with Um.
I appreciate the need to be understanding of other people – but aren’t progressives allowed to be total dicks too?
I know that I still have my fair share of bigoted and sexist proclivities. I guess your point is that it’s important to at least recognize that having those prejudices isn’t something to be especially proud of. Okay, I get that – but sometimes some very offensive things do need to be said – and with both Palin and Jindal, there are some very offensive things that ought to be said.
passerby said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:01
actor: Jesus Christ, put a sock in it already. What a douchebag.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:03
actor: Jesus Christ, put a sock in it already. What a douchebag.
Says the anonymous troll….
passerby said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:04
You already used that snappy comeback once. Boring douchebag.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:05
Sarah Palin is an abstinence-only family-values moralizer who got pregnant before she was married and whose “barely-legal” daughter recently bore a child out of wedlock.
Piyush Jindal is a Hindu anchor baby who changed his name and religion to win elected office via the party that ran on Barack Obama being a foreign-born Muslim not-entirely-white terrorist fascist communist bisexual.
I’d say it’s impossible to slur people of that ilk, so all bets are off.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:05
D-KW,
I can guaran-damn-tee you that if anyone else had said them but me, this wouldn’t be an issue for Bridgeandtunnelguy.
I’ve let him fester in his own pus for a couple of weeks now. I just wanted him to know I haven’t missed his slashes by giving him an elbow to the jaw.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:06
You already used that snappy comeback once. Boring douchebag.
Says the anonymous troll.
Again.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:06
And anyone who starts a comment with “new rule” has to send Bill Maher an ounce of really primo weed, and show us the receipt.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:07
Piyush Jindal is a Hindu anchor baby who changed his name and religion to win elected office
Slumdog Governor, in other words.
Apparently, some people haven’t seen the movie.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:15
SomeNY,
Did you know Maher and Ann Coulter are going to hold a debate at Radio City in two weeks?
I’m tempted to see if he asks her out. Again.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:16
I can guaran-damn-tee you that if anyone else had said them but me, this wouldn’t be an issue for Bridgeandtunnelguy.
Possibly, I dunno – but there’s a difference between being an asshole and being a paranoid asshole. I fully support your calling out Jindal and Palin – I kinda envy your damn-the-torpedoes approach to it, but there’s no need to get defensive about it.
IOW: Calling Palin a loose slut? How’s that more offensive than speculation about Kaus’ goat blowing? Poking at Anchor Baby Piyush, the new face of the Party of Strong Borders? I agree that that should totally be fair game. Painting yourself as the Big Bad for the PC Police? That’s wingnut-style Martyr Syndrome and it makes your argument look a bit shaky.
MzNicky said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:31
Bill Maher is a douchebag.
Lawnguylander said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:34
I appreciate the need to be understanding of other people – but aren’t progressives allowed to be total dicks too?
Um, I strive to be a dick so I hope so. Anyway, I’m not trying to be the thread police but if someone like you says something borderline offensive that’s different. Being funny on a humor blog absolves a lot of sins.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:35
Bill Maher is a douchebag.
I’m not sure that justifies stealing his material, and I’m damn sure declaring “new rules” on someone else’s blog is de trop.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:39
You bridge and tunnel people…
Um, this unacceptable 212/646ism must not go unopposed… perhaps a brief blast of 718 will cause you to back down from your Jee-o-graphic Jingoism.
Lawnguylander said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:42
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:16
Oh no! Better apologize quickly or do you want to be called a troll now too? Be careful or you’ll end like me, devastated with a broken jaw and saddled for life with some hurtful new nicknames. He may bide his time, for weeks even, but he’ll get you eventually, oh he’ll get you.
!!! said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:42
Have not seen such charisma since Fred Thompson! Bobby in 2012! 2016! 2020!
MzNicky said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:45
NYGuy: Did I say stealing someone’s material was justified? I merely observed that Bill Maher is a douchebag. Geez, why’s everybody so TOUCHY today! Furthermore, I don’t think Maher’s got a trademark on the words “new rule” anymore than BO’Reilly and Faux News did on “fair and balanced.”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:50
…but if someone like you says something borderline offensive that’s different
Flattery will get you anywhere.
New Rule: All comments have to include at least one bit of Dragon-King fluffing. Or contain the word PENIS.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:51
I just hope we can all agree that the ethnic jokes are pretty much off limits. Except for jokes about Finns, because they are shifty and sly, speak an agglutinative language, and, besides, who the hell could resist making fun of someone who looks like this?
A passing troll said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:56
This is too weird for me.
Smut Clyde said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:00
I am aware of the internet tradition that “Aware of all internet traditions” is material stolen from ‘vanderleun’ on a LGM thread.
Also, Finns are notorious for drunken inapprpriate behaviour.
Lawnguylander said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:00
I had no idea Bill Maher invented the making of new rules. That’s embarrassing. I thought I stole it from some commenters here a while back. I just wanted to be as de trop as everyone else. I can’t seem to fit in anywhere.
Hte buttocks?
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:06
I can’t seem to fit in anywhere.
Sure you can!
Just know you role and shut your mouth!
How hard is that?
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:06
B^4,
Make all the jokes you want about Finns. We could use the exposure.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:07
Um, I strive to be a dick so I hope so.
You succeed almost to a right-wing degree.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:08
Lawnguylander said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:42
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
February 25, 2009 at 22:16
Oh no! Better apologize quickly or do you want to be called a troll now too?
Wow. Satire just flies right past you…
Smut Clyde said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:08
Teh Great Gazoogle informs me that Finns actually look like this.
Spirula said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:08
volcano monitoring
I know SmutClyde already addressed this, but it really shows the lack of self-awareness prevelant in these conservatives. His constituents benefit virtually every year from the hurricane monitoring and predicting done by NOAA and The National Weather Service. Both funded by federal dollars.
But funding this is an egregious waste of taxpayer money.
Seattle , Bobby, Seattle.
Thank gord we don’t have some kinda, oh I dunno, supervolcano in our heartland showing signs it becoming more active (and overdue).
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:15
Make all the jokes you want about Finns. We could use the exposure.
Yeah, any extra exposure of Kiira Korpi would be extremely welcome.
Now, about that bridge and tunnel crack…
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:18
I stand by that, B^4.
And I say that as someone who owns a pied a terre in Queens and a brownstone in Brooklyn. ;-)
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:19
Now, about that bridge and tunnel crack…
Yes, it’s way past time to repair our nation’s infrastructure.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:20
Teh Great Gazoogle informs me that Finns actually look like this.
Could be worse. Celine Dion won that as well.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:21
a pied a terre in Queens
I hope you don’t call it that when you’re in Queens; you could wind up with a mouthful of loose teeth.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:21
Whoa, so you are B&T, and a Manhattanite? How can you live with yourself?
Maybe I should have started that second sentence with an “um”.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:22
How can you live with yourself?
I’m usually beside myself with grief.
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:23
I hope you don’t call it that when you’re in Queens
No. I call it a “Pahtmint”.
I speak fluent Queens.
SomeNYGuy said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:24
“I’m from Queens.”
“Really? I’m from normal parents.”
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:37
Being funny on a humor blog absolves a lot of sins.
In that case, I hope you went to confession today before you went and got your ash handed to you, cuz your absolution is in the mail along with your stimulus check, Republicant.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:52
I’m usually beside myself with grief.
If you used that pied a terre in Queens more often, you wouldn’t have to be beside yourself.
I went to confession while I was beside myself and said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:57
Mea Tulpa!
actor212 said,
February 25, 2009 at 23:59
I often file my receipts bilocation, B^4
Smut Clyde said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:00
you went and got your ash handed to you
This is what happens if your doppelganger dies, and you opt for cremation.
actor212 said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:02
This is what happens if your doppelganger dies, and you opt for cremation.
I prefer milk and two sugars in my copy.
Another Kiwi said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:07
Ah! I get the volcano thing.
1) The largest volcano in the Solar System is on Mars. It is called Olympus Mons.
2)Mars is being monitored by NASA
3) Bobby knows that some rude bits of women are called the mons.
4) A very famous strip club in Tampa is called the Mons Venus.
He doesn’t want people to get paid Public money ,or even pubic money for that matter, to go to strip clubs, even on Mars.
Frankly, even a wishy washy liberal such as I, can see that monitoring strip clubs would be of doubtful benefit to the community unless it is to make sure that when the econocalypse happens, there will be a solid base of Adult Entertainment left, to build on.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:09
Frankly, even a wishy washy liberal such as I, can see that monitoring strip clubs would be of doubtful benefit to the community unless it is to make sure that when the econocalypse happens, there will be a solid base of Adult Entertainment left, to build on.
My duty to my country is now clear. I can haz
stimulationstimulus monee?actor212 said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:19
If we’re going to outsource nudie bars, I’m leaving.
jim said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:19
I watched Jindal’s speech, all
three hundred yearstwelve minutes of it … & he’s definitely got a voice made for silent movies. Palin, Jindal, Limbaugh – are Republicans congenitally tone-deaf or what? Combine that dulcet vox with the charisma of Adolf Eichmann & the intellectual firepower of Pee-Wee Herman & you’ve got yourself a recipe for GOP triumph in 2012!WTF? PC in my “Sadly, No!”??? No wonder it smells weird in here.
Go, Purity Brigade, go – please, save all us impure ignorant hateful heathens from ourselves, just in time for the Global Hug-In … let us know how that works out for you here (consult the “Survivalist Jokes” thread for details).
Yes, how DARE anyone make Sri Lankan call-centre jokes about the glib chirpy little bastard whose party sent so damn many American jobs overseas! Let alone descending to the conceptual Auschwitz of crude sexual innuendo in regards to Sarah “Rape-Kits Only $79.99 While Supplies Last / Abstinence 4-Evar” Palin … oh teh shame!
Snark is cruel, snark hits below the belt early & often, & (best of all) snark never hesitates to cross the line … preferably after either napalming or urinating on it. Noone has earned it like the Republicans have since 1999, & I look forward to watching them gag on it for many many years to come.
PS: “New rule”? Neither new, nor an actual rule.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:34
Via Great Orange Satan: even though Jindal is an “Intelligent Design” proponent, his account of his actions during Katrina is an example of evolution.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:35
GARN! Href FAIL!!!
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/2/24/23132/9395/253/701495
Megann McAlthouse said,
February 26, 2009 at 0:44
“The Republican government fucked up Katrina, so why trust a Democratic government to get this right?” I see Jindal is adept at the Republicans’ favourite game of blaming the Democrats for everything, even when they’re not in power.
Athena said,
February 26, 2009 at 3:32
Jindval is an idiot, and a distraction. I liked Obama’s speech, I thought that it addressed what it needed to and lay forward priorities and morals, which is the first step towards solutions. I feel really inspired about is when he talks about energy and infrastructure. I’m really glad he’s finally taking Dean Baker’s advice (most eloquently written in “From Financial Crisis to Opportunity” in the book Thinking Big) and stopping the tax breaks for corporations that send their jobs overseas.
Doug Watts said,
February 26, 2009 at 10:10
The pukes who decided that making fun of Jingal’s ethnicity and place of birth is funny need to park it.
Doug Watts said,
February 26, 2009 at 10:15
Jim says: “WTF? PC in my “Sadly, No!”??? No wonder it smells weird in here.”
Jim, you’re the type of rootless person that would go on Red State and rail about niggers and then come to Sadly, No! and rail about whatever is on the menu here. Nobody except a right wing tool or a juvenile, never-fucked loser guy uses the expression “PC” anymore.
You want to come here and make a bunch of cheap, shitty racial and ethnic jokes and be excused because the brown skinned nigger you are insulting is a Republican. And then you whine when people call you on it.
Nobody wants you around.
RL said,
February 26, 2009 at 21:15
Shorter Jindal:
“I’m brown too!”
Sorry if that sounds unPC. I’m really knocking the GOP. I just can’t shake the idea that if Jindal were white, he’d be just another young cracker, with no pedestal from the party poobahs. They think BHO is prez only because he’s the flavor of the month.
Maybe.. shorter GOP: “We’ve got a brown one, too!”