Feb
18

Shorter Pantload




Posted at 21:56 by D. Aristophanes

The “Truth to Power” Gap

  • Biting the hand that feeds you doesn’t impress me — making fun of fags and Muslims is what really takes guts!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

133 Comments »

  1. actor212 said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:00

    And yet, I’ve met innumerable writers and editors who are scared, even terrified, of one or more of these groups: gays, blacks, Latinos, Asians, Jews, feminists, evangelical Christians and the handicapped. You can write 100 columns calling the president a mass-murdering, sexually depraved sociopath, or demanding that we nationalize the oil companies, but don’t you dare invite the wrath of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, or the parents of autistic kids, or (shudder) cat lovers.

    Project much, fatboy?

  2. M. Bouffant said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:01

    I was about to poke fun at that as well. So I’ll do it here.

    Shorter J. G.: Why are journalists not scared of the president, but terrified by weaklings who are not even majorities in this country?

  3. Rusty Shackleford said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:02

    Loady buries the dhimmi way below the fold:

    Of course most Muslims are law-abiding and peaceful.

    Chickenshit. Wait ’til Juggy McTaTa gets ahold of him.

  4. El Cid said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:02

    …but don’t you dare invite the wrath of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, or the parents of autistic kids, or (shudder) cat lovers.

    Yeah, he’s right! When are people going to finally have the fucking balls to put those god-damned parents of autistic kids in their places? When is someone finally going to have the guts to say “Fuck you, you parents of autistic kids! I’m not gonna let your type filthy up this place anymore!!!”

  5. M. Bouffant said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:03

    You can write 100 columns calling the president a mass-murdering, sexually depraved sociopath

    Yes, especially if he is.

    Isn’t Jonah’s usual gig speaking shit to nitwits?

  6. D. Aristophanes said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:03

    Damn people who make me ashamed of my bigotry … damn them all to Muzzie-Fag-Cripple Hell!

  7. Ugly In Pink said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:06

    And yet, I’ve met innumerable writers and editors who are scared, even terrified, of one or more of these groups

    Reminds me of the joke about the old Jewish guys on a bench, one of whom notices the other is reading a violently anti-semitic newsletter.

    “Why on earth are you reading that?” he asks.

    “This paper says Jews own all the world’s banking and industry and are obscenely rich and powerful. I like reading such good news about our people.”

  8. TKK said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:08

    (I once wrote a column supporting the hunting of feral cats in Wisconsin, where up to 217 million birds are killed by wild felines each year.

    How many fucking birds do they have in Wisconsin?

  9. Rusty Shackleford said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:09

    At least Doughpants mentioned “evangelical Christians” as one of the groups he’s terrified of, which I guess is appropriate since he’s a Christ-killer.

    Don’t worry though, Jonah. It’s still perfectly socially acceptable to demonize atheists in public. Off you go then.

  10. Dain Brammaged said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:14

    That’s right fatboy, fear teh kitten lovers.

  11. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:16

    And yet, I’ve met innumerable writers and editors who are scared, even terrified, of one or more of these groups

    Liar. He’s never met any writers *or* editors.

  12. M. Bouffant said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:20

    Well, he’s not really lying. He said they were “innumerable.”

  13. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:21

    inenumerable?

  14. PeeJ said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:24

    People often behave in ways that are not in their own best interest. For example, I just clicked over there and read the entire column. I swear, this time is the last time! Until the next time.

    even terrified, of one or more of these groups: gays, blacks, Latinos, Asians, Jews, feminists, evangelical Christians and the handicapped. Mothers Against Drunk Driving, parents of autistic kids, cat lovers.

    So, has der HosenScheisse exhausted the list of who terrifies him? I’d say no. I’d say he’s scared (though not shitless as he keeps showing us) of everyone. Makes me want to get near him, look at him goofy and watch him shit his pants, this time literally.

  15. Ugly In Pink said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:24

    Zero is a number too, Jonah.

  16. Legalize said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:24

    Good to know that Fat Ass McGee has one of those real jobs unlike the fellas fixing roads and bridges and other worthless crap like that.

  17. Smut Clyde said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:25

    He might be right about some lobby groups having popular sympathy on their side, which makes them hard to criticise — but that’s part of the job. Is anyone else writing whiny-ass titty-baby columns (in such length and detail etc.) about how hard it is to be a columnist?

  18. PeeJ said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:25

    He said they were “innumerable.”
    inenumerable

    It’s an undecidable proposition. Or NP-hard at the least.

  19. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:28

    It’s an undecidable proposition. Or NP-hard at the least.

    If only the Deciderator were still here to help us.

    /snark

  20. Tom65 said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:28

    Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

  21. D.N. Nation said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:29

    Um, the thesis of the first part of this Pantlosion is that the big bad government isn’t really all that big and bad.

    Oopsie. Methinks Jonah might want to scribble that one out, lest he never be invited to wingnut WHARRGARBL cocktail parties ever again. Message control, dude! Gotta stay on topic. Porkulus, the advancing octotentacled eeeeevil of the gun-grabbing Obammy, not to mention all that money to ACORN and what have you. Government scawwy!

    Anyway, the second half travels through well-worn territory. Wuzza-wuzzup with those loony libs in Europe? (As if their institutionalized views on free speech were the same as ours. They aren’t.) Why can’t I insult Islam? (As if he isn’t doing it right then and there and as if he wasn’t perfectly within his rights to do so.) Why is CAIR gonna pick on me? (As if they care.) Yawn.

  22. Matt T. said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:29

    He might be right about some lobby groups having popular sympathy on their side, which makes them hard to criticise — but that’s part of the job. Is anyone else writing whiny-ass titty-baby columns (in such length and detail etc.) about how hard it is to be a columnist?

    Exactly. Jonah, it’s not that you need to fear the Latinos and the blacks and the gays and the mothers who don’t want their children to, you know, die in a useless, preventable tragedy while still teenagers, it’s simply that you need to not suck at your job. Seriously, and this goes for every two-bit “comedian” who pisses and moans about “political correctness” when no one laughs at their fag jokes, if it’s too hard for you to work around basic human decency – which is still a fairly new concept – maybe you should move into a new line of work. Fuckin’ crybaby.

  23. D.N. Nation said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:30

    Also, ClownHall is the worst designed site in the history of ever. It is to design aesthetics on the internets as Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is to the same in the video game realm.

  24. PeeJ said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:32

    Mstt, are you suggesting he join up with Blart Prelutsky?

  25. PeeJ said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:32

    er, I meant to type “Matt” but you probably knew that.

  26. That Girl said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:34

    Hasn’t Goldberg written this same column 100 times? Does he just cut and paste the “I’m skeered of the brown people” paragraphs from old colums?

    It almost breaks my heart that I live in a country where a sizeable chunk of the population finds any of these whiny, scaredy pants, moronic, boring, pathetic babies credible. On the other hand, I doubt the guy down at the factory who just lost his job is really worried about the Muslimofacistheadchoppingantifreespeech threat.

  27. commie atheist said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:34

    “…but don’t you dare invite the wrath of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, or the parents of autistic kids, or (shudder) cat lovers.”

    Yeah, he’s right! When are people going to finally have the fucking balls to put those god-damned parents of autistic kids in their places? When is someone finally going to have the guts to say “Fuck you, you parents of autistic kids! I’m not gonna let your type filthy up this place anymore!!!”

    And don’t get me started on the cat lovers. Fucking pussy enablers.

  28. Legalize said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:35

    “Um, the thesis of the first part of this Pantlosion is that the big bad government isn’t really all that big and bad.”

    To be fair, I believe teh Load is referring to government when it is controlled by wingnuts. Everyone knows that government is scary when controlled by non-white, non-wingnuts. Thus, because government has ALWAYS been controlled by non-white, non-wingnuts, i.e. ACORN, government has always been scary.

  29. That Girl said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:35

    Also, ClownHall is the worst designed site in the history of ever. It is to design aesthetics on the internets as Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is to the same in the video game realm.

    Rarely is the question asked: why is their fonts so large and like the text in a children’s book?

  30. Another kiwi said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:36

    Estimates of the number of songbirds killed each year by feral cats in Wisconsin alone range from 8 million to 217 million, though the number is actually believed to be around 39 million, said Steven Oestreicher, the chairman of the congress.

    abc news in 2005
    Crikey!

  31. That Girl said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:39

    Wait… 8 to 217 million? That’s kind of a large spread. Of course teh pantload goes with the bigger number.

  32. Another kiwi said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:42

    Wait… 8 to 217 million? That’s kind of a large spread. Of course teh pantload goes with the bigger number.

    Yeah he don’t go for that subtlety stuff.

  33. D.N. Nation said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:46

    To be fair, I believe teh Load is referring to government when it is controlled by wingnuts. Everyone knows that government is scary when controlled by non-white, non-wingnuts.

    Ahh. This would lend credence to the whole “Jonah just copypasta’d most of these grafs from an old column” theory.

  34. Smut Clyde said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:47

    the number of songbirds killed each year by feral cats
    Teach the feral cats to sing, and everyone will be happy.

  35. commie atheist said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:47

    Naturally, Jonah, rubbing his hands gleefully, mentions the outrage-du-jour of the wingnut set:

    Speaking of beheading, have you heard about the founder of a television network in upstate New York dedicated to showing Muslims as peace-loving and political moderates? You might have when he started his enterprise in 2004, as the venture received lavish attention. But when Muzzammil Hassan allegedly cut off his estranged wife’s head this month, coverage not only was muted, but the media bent over backward to dispel any notion that religion had anything to do with it. After all, isn’t wife-beheading an ecumenical practice?

    I don’t know what “media” Jonah peruses, but all the coverage I’ve seen mentioned the fact that the alleged murderer and his wife were Muslims, and did no bending over, either backwards, forwards or sideways.

    By the way, I remember a time when the word “decapitation” was used in these type of crimes, but I guess that doesn’t have the proper Muslimy overtones.

  36. M. Bouffant said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:50

    Factions, to borrow a word from the Federalist Papers, have a power all their own. When governments cave to that power, they become mere tools of bullies.

    Democracy: Jonah’s against it.

  37. D. Pantload said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:50

    Also, chemo patients come after you if you make jokes about going bald and if “drowning the beast” means shutting down a few oncology wards. Lighten up, chemo patients! Maybe you wouldn’t be terminal if you laughed more!

  38. That Girl said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:50

    By the way, I remember a time when the word “decapitation” was used in these type of crimes, but I guess that doesn’t have the proper Muslimy overtones.

    “Beheading” (or any of its various forms, i.e., “wife-beheading,” “Wisconsin-songbird-beheading,” etc.) is a wingnut term of art.

  39. commie atheist said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:52

    The notion that conservatives like Jonah have ever been afraid of insulting any creed, color, nationality or interest group is pretty fucking funny, when you think about it.

  40. M. Bouffant said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:54

    Rarely is the question asked: why is their fonts so large and like the text in a children’s book?

    A courtesy to their aging readers, probably. And a comfort, as most of them haven’t done much independent reading since before elementary school.

  41. commie atheist said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:55

    “Beheading” (or any of its various forms, i.e., “wife-beheading,” “Wisconsin-songbird-beheading,” etc.) is a wingnut term of art.

    Ah, yes, just like “a run”:

    A run is a banker’s term of art, and it is like a herd stampede, or panic, or a psychosis of a lot of people.

    http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2009/02/tight-before-the-election-of-president-hussein-an-electronic-run-on-the-banks.html

  42. J— said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:56

    Sweet harmony:

    Mr. Goldberg,

    This is Bruce Tinsley. I do the Mallard Fillmore comic strip. Today’s “truth-to-power” column was great, even for you, and jibes perfectly with my experience; the intimidation, cancellations and death-threats always come after I lampoon somebody that the media routinely describe as “powerless”.

    From The Corner.

  43. Legalize said,

    February 18, 2009 at 22:59

    Also AIDS patients and burn victims. Who the fuck do they think they are?

  44. Ken Lowery said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:01

    Speaking as a journalist who sees MORE than his share of angry letters and phone calls from, specifically, conservative Christians (and, hey, anecdotes are not data, but they outweigh liberal Christian complaints by about 100 to 1)…

    We are not “terrified” of anyone. Jonah really is a little pants-wetter.

  45. That Girl said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:03

    The notion that conservatives like Jonah have ever been afraid of insulting any creed, color, nationality or interest group is pretty fucking funny, when you think about it.

    Insulting everyone (except Evangelical Christians – the only part of teh load’s column with some truth to it) is pretty much their entire political philosophy.

  46. Till said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:10

    Poor Bruce. You draw a caricature of Jon Stewart that just happens to look like it was lifted from Nazi propaganda, and all of a sudden the PC police are whining again.

    It’s an undecidable proposition. Or NP-hard at the least.

    Did Jonah just prove that P != NP? Next up, the halting problem!

  47. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:21

    We’re going to hear a LOT of this “PC Police” crap in the wake of the now-infamous NY Post cartoon. D.P. must’ve seen it in advance before penning this screed.

    I wonder how he feels about fat jokes.

  48. Ugly In Pink said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:23

    You draw a caricature of Jon Stewart that just happens to look like it was lifted from Nazi propaganda

    Where can I see this?

  49. Jonah Goldberg said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:24

    But you know what REALLY terrified me the most?

    That time Juan Cole challenged me to a debate.

    No, wait!

    It was time when I had to write that column about all the reasons why I refused to go serve in Iraq!

  50. Dreamweasel said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:25

    Shorter Bruce Tinsley:

    If I receive hate mail from the people I insult every day, that proves that they are not powerless and I was right all along. HA HA I WIN LIBERALS SUCK

  51. Righteous Bubba said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:26

    But it’s worth remembering that government and corporations aren’t the only institutions that can abuse power. Factions, to borrow a word from the Federalist Papers, have a power all their own. When governments cave to that power, they become mere tools of bullies. And when journalists go along for the ride, there’s no one left to speak truth to power when that is what’s needed most.

    Democracy: not so hot.

  52. stackozone said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:26

    I believe the number of editors and writes TDPL has met is “unnumberable” – just like his writing is uncomprehensible, and the fact that he gets money for this crap is inbelievable.

  53. stackozone said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:27

    dammit “writers” not “writes”

  54. heydave said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:31

    And NPR wonders why I shout at my radio when they waste air time on a worthless Pantload like this.

  55. MajorKong said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:35

    Just because everybody hates Bruce Tinsley doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hate Bruce Tinsley.

  56. N.C. said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:36

    U.I.P.: Right here. For comparison.

  57. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:39

    Geert Wilders needs to be punched in the cock. Darling of the Right Wing Free Speech movement – what with his demands to ban the Koran.

    Hey, here’s an interesting thing Jonah might want to consider – when you want to pick someone out as the face of “speaking truth to power”, you might have picked out someone a little less unpleasant.

  58. German Grammar Police (the friendly kind) said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:45

    der HosenScheisse
    It should be “der Hosenscheisser”. But to be honest, it doesn’t sound that good in German. For one, it’s a pretty common insult in German.

  59. Jay B. said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:47

    By the way, I remember a time when the word “decapitation” was used in these type of crimes, but I guess that doesn’t have the proper Muslimy overtones.

    Headless Body Found in Mosquish Blart

  60. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:50

    Dear Sadlynauts, I dare you to make fun of this article

    You cannot, can you? For it makes fun of itself.

    Seriously, any article that uses the `term’ Marxofascist and expects the readers to take it seriously is beyond any mocking.

  61. M. Bouffant said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:52

    But even the gay bullies on “Seinfeld” can’t hold a candle to radical Muslims in terms of their ability to strike fear in the hearts of others.

    Uh, connection to reality here? Jumping from (fictional, comedic) “gay bullies” to “radical Muslims?”

    The important thing to JG is the striking of fear in the hearts of others, of course.

  62. Pim said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:54

    Wangchuck,

    Geert Wilders is like the idiot nephew of Pim Fortuijn, the guy who taught Dutch wingnuts the valuable lesson that racism was A.O.K. if you packaged it as “cultural criticism”. The right wingers don’t hate on Islam out of some enlightened secularism, it just happens that the minority group they’ve been hating for decades consists mostly of muslims. The tragedy is that their hijacking of the discussion to use as a dog whistle for getting the red neck voters out of the woods is hampering the possibilities for there ever being serious discussions about policy with regards to multiculturalism, religion and free speech. And there really need to be sensible debates about this subject.

  63. NPR said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:55

    And NPR wonders why I shout at my radio when they waste air time on a worthless Pantload like this.

    Actually, we don’t wonder at all. Ever since that fascist bastard Tomlinson came over here and made us do that shit we silently scream ourselves.

  64. Ugly In Pink said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:58

    N.C. Whoah. And it had to be deliberate, because John Stewart (fellow Jew though he may be) doesn’t really have that stereotypical a nose.

  65. Tom said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:59

    How many fucking birds do they have in Wisconsin?

    All of their birds are fucking. There isn’t much else to do in Wisconsin unless you’re a Packers fan.

  66. Ugly In Pink said,

    February 18, 2009 at 23:59

    Er, Jon.

  67. Tom said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:00

    Seriously, any article that uses the `term’ Marxofascist and expects the readers to take it seriously is beyond any mocking.

    Everyone know that the proper term is Grouchmarxofascist.

  68. M. Bouffant said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:01

    Righteous Bubba said,
    February 18, 2009 at 23:26

    No shit.

    M. Bouffant @ 22:50.

    I just wish there were more good ideas we could all share.

  69. Tom said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:01

    Damn, I wish I could type…

    That should be Grouchomarxofascist.

  70. PeeJ said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:02

    Question for the Teutonic pedant:

    I was attempting to make a compound noun for the load itself, not the person who makes one. Hence the capital ‘S’ in Scheisse. Does that not work and if not, is there an appropiate idiom?

    [struggles to recall from college decades ago...]

    Umm, it wouldn’t have a final ‘e’? And it would be a DoppelEss also but fuck that.

    I look forward to your kind reply.

    Fick dich WP.

  71. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:03

    the `term’ Marxofascist

    It is nowhere near as delectable a term as Jesus’ General’s “homosocialist.” But then again, actually seeing “Marxofascist” in its native habitat is quite the treat.

  72. MajorKong said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:04

    “MarxoFascist”? Is that like “CarnoVegan”?

  73. M. Bouffant said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:04

    Screw you losers!! I’m a HItlerosocialist from now on!!

  74. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:05

    Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
    February 18, 2009 at 23:50

    Dear Sadlynauts, I dare you to make fun of this article

    You cannot, can you? For it makes fun of itself.

    Hmmmm….sounds intriguing…

    AMERICA, ARE YOU AWAKE?
    HEED WHAT REP. KANJORSKI HAS SAID
    Or do you want to live on PLANET FASCIST-SOROS, subsector MARXOFASCIST-OBAMA?

    Oh yeah, what you said.

  75. UKBristolDave said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:06

    Fantastic misrepresentation of what is going on in the UK as well. I salute you Jonah but in a very disrespectful way.

  76. Righteous Bubba said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:07

    No shit.

    Thread-search fail.

  77. 59 Les Paul Copy said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:08

    TKK, we got’s us a shitload of birds here in Wisconsin. If only we could teach the feral cats to eat only Canada geese, all the righties would finally be able to play golf without getting poo on their cleats.

  78. PeeJ said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:13

    Holy fuck! Thanks for that link, Mr. Gill! Just this morning I watcheded a yousytubey thing of NEW PROOF the moon landings were faked!!!!!! I said to myself, self, I said, they don’t come any nuttier than that.

    *sigh* Proven wrong yet again.

  79. PeeJ said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:17

    For those that can’t can’t stay in their seats for laughing, here’s one of the more delicious bits:

    It should be obvious by now that Iran was involved in the manufactured financial crisis. Ahmadinajad had publically boasted that he was going to ruin the US via our financial system. I believe that he was assisted in this effort by George Soros. It wouldn’t be the first time that Soros was involved with Ahmadinajad. I also believe that Nadhmi Auchi was also involved while I can’t yet prove it. In turn there is also a connection to Obama via Valerie Jarrett. Again I can’t yet prove it.

    Comic gold.

  80. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:18

    MajorKong said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:04

    “MarxoFascist”? Is that like “CarnoVegan”?

    That’s what I was wondering. I realize that Marx was long dead before modern-day fascism came about, but I’m pretty sure that Mussolini hated Marx and Marx would probably have hated Mussolini.

  81. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:20

    Well, we have “JudeoChristians,” don’t we? Or do those actually exist?

  82. MajorKong said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:21

    It wouldn’t be the first time that Soros was involved with Ahmadinajad. I also believe that Nadhmi Auchi was also involved while I can’t yet prove it. In turn there is also a connection to Obama via Valerie Jarrett.

    Wow! If they just could have worked the Freemasons into that they’d have hit the trifecta.

  83. Smut Clyde said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:22

    Or do you want to live on PLANET FASCIST-SOROS, subsector MARXOFASCIST-OBAMA?
    Does this mean that our clocks will be confiscated and we will be forced to adopt Stardate time?
    What are the babes like on PLANET FASCIST-SOROS?

    Incidentally, someone needs to start a rumour that part of President-for-life Obama’s blackification program will be the abolition of the current US time zones. Instead you’ll have to use GMT, a.k.a. Zulu.

  84. OB-GYN Kenobi said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:23

    Why, I think you just did.

  85. Rusty Shackleford said,

    February 19, 2009 at 0:43

    Well, we have “JudeoChristians,” don’t we? Or do those actually exist?

    Only in values form.

  86. Another kiwi said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:00

    What are the babes like on PLANET FASCIST-SOROS?

    I imagine they would be tenderized to your taste.
    And what is the beer like? Do they have The Bacon Explosion on every street corner?
    I’m not going if they don’t have the Discovery Channel, no way.

  87. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:24

    Exploring the deeper recesses of the expose of MARXOFASCISM, I note that there is a link to a petition calling for ImpeachmentNow!
    http://www.obamaimpeachment.org/

    Why investigate Senator Obama?
    Barack Obama was in the Illinois Senate for 8 years and was
    elected to the US Senate from Illinois in 2004. Senator Obama
    has been rushed to the forefront of the Democrat Party
    without being vetted for his integrity and credentials to
    be the Democrat Party’s candidate for president. Little was
    known about the senator from Illinois until the past year.
    However, the investigations of the Federal Government,
    indictments by Patrick Fitzgerald, testimony during the
    Tony Rezko trial and research by those without ties to
    the Democrat Party, have unearthed volumes of incriminating
    evidence about Senator Obama that are of grave concern.

    So, what is this evidence? Hey, you expect us to do your research for you, Concerned Citizen?

    If you do not know the real Obama, spend some time to
    get the facts. The main Stream Media has done a poor job
    of covering Senator Obama. Read the petition and ask questions.
    You may have to do a lot of digging. The Obama Campaign has
    spent millions to distort and hide information on the internet.

    Something tells me that Jonah set up this website right before he went to lunch.

  88. SomeNYGuy said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:26

    Wasn’t PLANET FASCIST-SOROS the Robert Rodriguez half of Grindhouse?

  89. Mentis Fugit said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:26

    Multiple comments in one response so you only have to ignore me once.

    Tom65 said,

    Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

    I see no indication that he is drunk.

    commie atheist said,

    Fucking pussy enablers.

    Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    Smut Clyde said,

    Teach the feral cats to sing, and everyone will be happy.

    But will they buy me a Coke?

    Dreamweasel said,

    Shorter Bruce Tinsley:

    If I resheive hate mail from the people I inshult every day (blup) that provezh that they are not powerlesh and I (belch) wazh right all along. HA HA I WIN LIBERALSH SHUCK (hic)

    Fized.

    German Grammar Police (the friendly kind) said,

    It should be “der Hosenscheisser”. But to be honest, it doesn’t sound that good in German. For one, it’s a pretty common insult in German.

    Is the more literal “teigige Hosenlast” gramatically correct?

  90. Judas Peckerwood said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:27

    When did these Islamic cats start beheading songbirds? Is NOTHING sacred to these monsters?

  91. woody said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:27

    But it’s worth remembering that government and corporations aren’t the only institutions that can abuse power. Factions, to borrow a word from the Federalist Papers, have a power all their own. When governments cave to that power, they become mere tools of bullies. And when journalists go along for the ride, there’s no one left to speak truth to power when that is what’s needed most.

    The utter, idiot lack of any glimmer of reflection or self-knowledge makes such an utterance completely absurd.

    ow I know this level of inquiry is way past the competence of Little Lord Lodinpantz but, iirc, not to be pedantic, what the Federalist called factions were precisely what we now call parties, nest paw? And if that last sentence does not wholly describe the posture of the “SCUM” (SoCalledUnbiasedMedia) over the last 8 (and 20 of the last 30) years, I’ll eat a hat.

  92. Jennifer said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:28

    Factions, to borrow a word from the Federalist Papers, have a power all their own. When governments cave to that power, they become mere tools of bullies. And when journalists go along for the ride, there’s no one left to speak truth to power when that is what’s needed most.

    You know, the only time factions aren’t a problem, is when they’re the ones running the government and doing the bullying themselves. Like after 9/11 and when the Iraq War started. When both journalists and mere Pantloadian tools went along for the ride in helping to bully the few who did speak truth to power.

  93. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:30

    Ha! The “Petition” was last updated August 4, 2008, and calls for the impeachment of “Senator Obama.” One of the articles of impeachment:

    Whereas: As a US Senator, Barack Obama violated the stated intention of
    his 2006 Official Government Visa to Africa by publicly propagandizing
    for his cousin, Railla Odinga against the US democratic ally of Kenya.
    Whereas the stated “mission” of Senator Obama’s Official Visa, according
    to the Kenya Office of Public Communications, was to “nurture relations
    between the Continent and the United States” he, instead, made public
    protest before Kenya citizens to rally against their leadership,
    invoking a need for “Change!” and accusing this US allied nation of
    “corruption.” In Official Protest of Mr. Obama’s passport abuse and
    misconduct, Kenya’s government cited his “extremely disturbing
    statements on issues which it is clear, he was very poorly informed, and
    on which he chose to lecture the Government and the people of Kenya on
    how to manage our country.” Whereas, furthermore, there is no public
    record of any sanctions or reprimand by the US Congress of Senator
    Obama’s passport violation or campaigning on foreign soil against a US
    ally, history has since recorded the broadspread destruction of Kenya’s
    economy and large scale loss of life as a result of the violence
    instigated by Odinga’s ODM campaign there.

    http://www.obamaimpeachment.org/impeachobamapetition.html

  94. Me said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:30

    Legislators cower in fear of earning the wrath of gays, but will brag in their direct mail that they are at war with the White House or that they’ve stood up to the military-industrial complex.

    Yeah, because the very last thing we need in a functioning democracy is legislators who consider the other branches of government co-equal, while zealously guarding the rights of minorities. That would suck.

  95. woody said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:31

    “I was attempting to make a compound noun for the load itself, not the person who makes one. Hence the capital ‘S’ in Scheisse. Does that not work and if not, is there an appropiate idiom?”

    Bi-Idiomatically, i like “brotchen-britches”…

  96. Mr. Fiddlesticks' Cat Psychologist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:48

    …or (shudder) cat lovers.

    Oh. Great. Here we were making such progress. Mr. Fiddlesticks was even showing a renewed interest in catnip and yarn and now this Cheeto-stained asshole has to come along and ruin everything.

  97. That Girl said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:53

    main Stream Media

    What’s the Stream Media?

  98. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:58

    What’s the Stream Media?

    Here you go:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urolagnia

  99. M. Bouffant said,

    February 19, 2009 at 1:59

    Not dissimilar to the Trickle-Down Media, except, well, w/ a more powerful Stream.

    Piss is piss, by the way, & don’t try to tell me it’s raining.

  100. M. Bouffant said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:00

    Alright, commie a. beats me on that one.

    Sick-o.

  101. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:02

    It’s all about timing, M.B.

  102. Righteous Bubba said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:03

    Alright, commie a. beats me on that one.

    Was Smut not allowed to beat you?

    In New Zealand, publishing anything promoting or supporting urolagnia, whether in print or online, is an offence punishable by up to ten years in prison.

    Or is he allowed to beat you but not pee on you?

  103. That Girl said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:04

    AH! That link was definitely NSFW. But, then again, much of S,N! is, I suppose.

    What’s scarier than the Stream Media is the main Stream Media. Is that some kind of centralized Stream Media?

  104. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:06

    Now this is really sick-o – Kittens, inspired by Christian Bale:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ0Ik4ZxGNw

  105. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:12

    Cheeto-stained asshole

    Good band name, or GREAT band name?

  106. M. Bouffant said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:19

    Have all you “pussy enablers” seen this talking yet obedient cat?

    via TBogg.

  107. German Grammar Police (the friendly kind) said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:20

    I was attempting to make a compound noun for the load itself, not the person who makes one.
    I see, my mistake and sincerest apologies.

    Hence the capital ‘S’ in Scheisse. Does that not work and if not, is there an appropiate idiom?
    I’m afraid it doesn’t really work that way – no matter how long the compound (Donaudampfschifffahrtskapitän), only the first letter is capitalized.

    Now as for the load, that would be ‘die Hosenscheiße’. If you’d prefer to include the adjective, than it’s ‘die teigige Hosenscheiße’. Hey, I like that!

    Fick dich WP.
    Kreuzweise!

  108. M. Bouffant said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:22

    I know what urolagina means, so I didn’t have to click that link. How can Smut survive in NZ, if there’s no free speech there?

  109. German Grammar Police (the friendly kind) said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:25

    Is the more literal “teigige Hosenlast” gramatically correct?
    Morphologically and syntactically, yes. But not semantically – “Last” doesn’t actually equal “load” here. The latter implies that something is filling out an empty space and “Last” doesn’t really cover that. I was considering “die teigige Hosenfüllung” with the double pun (teigig = doughy, Füllung = filling, as in ‘jelly or jam’), but that makes it kinda cutesy.

  110. bayville said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:27

    Legislators cower in fear of earning the wrath of gays, but will brag in their direct mail that they are at war with the White House or that they’ve stood up to the military-industrial complex.

    Doughboy has a point. Thanks to those cowardly legislators, gay marriage was almost unanimously passed in Congress last year and the Pentagon is having to make wars on a shoestring budget.

  111. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:29

    AH! That link was definitely NSFW.

    Sorry. And it’s Wikipedia, even.

  112. Radical Leftie said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:31

    When will Obama withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan, and stop supporting the Israeli genocide against the Palestinians?

  113. Hal Turder said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:39

    So, Goldberg has no problem with anti-semitic speech?
    Nice to know.

  114. Smut Clyde said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:45

    I know what urolagina means
    I only worked it out after looking up ‘lagina’ on Urbandictionary.

    Ranting about the imbecility of NZ censorship laws comes under the rubric of “TL; Didn’t Write”

  115. stryx said,

    February 19, 2009 at 2:53

    If yunz are getting bored arguing about grammar and birds and trolls and the contents of Jonah’s hosen and whatnot, David Frum had a doozy of a piece that aired on American Public Radio’s Marketplace this evening. Establish a Free Trade Pact with China, he sez. It’ll work wonders!

    Comments and transcript found here.

    Prior delicious full Sadly thrashing of Frum found here and here.

  116. Snorghagen said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:00

    In New Zealand, publishing anything promoting or supporting urolagnia, whether in print or online, is an offence punishable by up to ten years in prison.

    The Free Soilers will not stand for this injustice.

  117. Radical Leftie said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:01

    So, when will Obama withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan, and stop supporting the Israeli genocide against the Palestinians?

  118. Radical Leftie said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:19

    Silence.

    Total Silence.

    Typical for corporate apologists. There isn’t any real difference between the Republican and Democratic Parties.

  119. commie atheist said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:31

    Did someone say something? I thought I heard pointless muttering…

  120. D. Aristophanes said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:33

    So, when will Obama withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan, and stop supporting the Israeli genocide against the Palestinians?

    Duh! Marchpril the eleventy-sixtenth, didn’t you get the memo?

  121. Radical Leftie said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:36

    No real difference.

    Thank the FSM I voted for Nader in 2000. It was worth it.

  122. Radical Leftie said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:38

    Barack Obama: the puppet of Hillary Clinton.

  123. SomeNYGuy said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:38

    Poor fake troll. Nobody wants to play with your shrunken testicles.

  124. D.N. Nation said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:40

    Meh. WGAS.

  125. Radical Leftie said,

    February 19, 2009 at 3:48

    Where is the open support for gay marriage from Obama?

    Cynthia McKinney was the true left candidate in 2008.

  126. Guy That Makes Controversial Statements said,

    February 19, 2009 at 4:58

    So, libs, I posit that the sky is green. What say you, fools and imbeciles?????

  127. Guy That Makes Controversial Statements said,

    February 19, 2009 at 4:59

    Ah-HAHH!!! Typical terrified blue-sky partisans refusing to acknowledge the truth!! Your silence speaks a thousand words, pitiful morons!!!!

  128. owlbear1 said,

    February 19, 2009 at 5:19

    Oppressed by the handicapped and cat lovers?

    Holy Fuck, Goldberg that was the most pathetic plea of victimization I have ever read.

    E V E R

  129. Fozzetti said,

    February 19, 2009 at 6:02

    “…And yet, I’ve met innumerable writers and editors who are scared, even terrified, of one or more of these groups…”

    Jonah: Name 3 of these writers/editors, and explain why their terrified.

  130. Anonymous said,

    February 19, 2009 at 9:11

    Well, we have “JudeoChristians,” don’t we? Or do those actually exist?
    ============

    There were JudoChristians for awhile, but when BJJ got to be the big thing they decided it looked gay and bowed out for good. They watch pro wrestling instead because it’s so butch and they think they’re fooling people.

  131. tigrismus said,

    February 19, 2009 at 17:59

    Everyone always talks about speaking truth to power as if were so great and hard and stuff, what about speaking “truth” to the powerless, huh? WHAT ABOUT THAT?!

  132. jim said,

    February 19, 2009 at 19:56

    ClownHall is the worst designed site in the history of ever.

    Seconded – if that page was much busier I wouldn’t even know which part was the alleged article – & including a Coultergeist popup is like foolproof vaccination against return visits from a LOT of potential readers right off the bat. She’s not edgy or witty, she’s a whiny hydrocephalic sociopath with all the cultural appeal of Goatse.

    Goldberg expects that he & his ilk will prevail against Jihadi maniacs willing to put on TNT wife-beaters, yet they’re petrified of MADD & cat-lovers? Wow, I bet Americans feel heaps safer knowing he’s out there fighting the good fight for them – if they’re fucking songbirds in Wisconsin.

    Speaking truth to power is just a societal circle-jerk unless it’s followed by arresting, convicting & sentencing that power when it becomes an outlaw – as 21st-Century American history has shown all too clearly – in fact, power will gleefully encourage that yankfest (& even subsidize it) if it knows no real harm will result, in order to keep up the pretense of an open society … & besides, most MSM journos can’t even be bothered to give their tepid puddings a tug for old time’s sake any more, let alone change hands.

    This message brought to you by jimco: bludgeoning metaphors to death so you don’t have to!

  133. Smut Clyde said,

    February 19, 2009 at 22:48

    they’re fucking songbirds in Wisconsin.
    That would not surprise me in the least.

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