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Oh, The Jails You’ll Go!
Why it’s the Littlest Emperor, as we live and breathe! What say you, Misha, to Barack Obama’s fledgling presidency?
You Got What You Wished For, Usurper, Now Enjoy It
Posted by: Emperor Misha I in Public Notice, The Obamessiah
7:28 pmNot much to add to the posts below, really.
Until Barack Hussein Obama has proven his eligibility for the office, he is not my president.
Until Barack Hussein Obama’s paid henchmen in ACORN have been investigated thoroughly and, if found guilty, punished to the full extent of the law, he is not my president.
He can play president all he wants, ignorant fools often get a huge kick out of indulging in their delusions, and his mindless followers can bleat and bray about their Anointed One at the top of their lungs, but he still isn’t my president.
I owe him no loyalty, I owe him no allegiance and I owe him no respect. All of that he has to earn, because he puts his pants on the same way as I every morning, one leg at a time.
The only thing owed by me is covered by my Oath, and that was not given to any son or daughter of man, it was given to the Constitution, the sacred foundation of our nation. The pathetic trappings of office that he surrounds himself with, the waves of adulation washing over him from his braindead sycophants in the Obamedia, all of that is but dust in the wind and I regard it with the same indifference that I show toward a worm writhing under my foot as I step on it. Here today, gone tomorrow. He, too, shall pass.
Oh, huzzah, LE! What marvelous adventures are in store for us over the next four years at the expense of the upstart blackamoor, with our fingers in our ears, shouting at the dust in the wind! Pray tell us more!
But my Oath is forever, and so is the document, the nation to which I swore it. His every word, his every deed, every “law” that his Congress passes shall be weighed, by me, against the words put down by our Founders centuries ago and, if found wanting in any way, I shall ignore them as I would ignore a fly hitting the windshield of my car.
And if he and his tyrannical henchmen try to force me to obey his illegal orders, laws and regulations, I shall meet them with force as well. If I die, I shall die a free man. If I live, I shall have done my country a great favor.
Either way, I shall have done my duty.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
So help me G-d.
Hip-hip-hooray! What fun we shall have with the Littlest Emperor and his gang of rascals … we shall shout and stomp and swear all we like and eat all the lollies and marzipan we want … and the grown-ups will be ever so cross but we shan’t care because we shall build a post-apocalyptic sex cult compound where no grown-ups can ever come to live … and there will be pirates versus soldiers and patriots versus ATF agents and no bedtimes at all forever and ever and parcel bombs if we fancy ‘em, for there’ll be no one to tell us we can’t, and Dave Neiwert will never want for material or a job for even so long as the recession may last!
thesebastiancat said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:11
oops!
Caliph Garrett said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:12
Except–once Obama’s pants are on, he makes gold records.
J— said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:17
all of that is but dust in the wind
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.
Come tax time this year, we should have an online wingnut Whiskey Rebellion on our hands. Whee!
Total Dick-Head said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:18
I’m just glad he isn’t bitter.
henry lewis said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:24
Flies and worms don’t stand a chance around the Little Emperor.
tigrismus said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:25
If I die, I shall die a free man. If I live, I shall have done my country a great favor.
By living he does the country a great favor? How does he fit that giant maraca head of his through doorways?
Simba B said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:26
Wikipedia really is the best ever:
Simba B said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:27
So if he’s the Little Emperor, what do you suppose he calls his cock?
MzNicky said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:28
Okay, wait — who is this person? He’s just messin’ around, doing a Simpsons’ “comic book guy” spoof-thing or something, right? Please don’t make me click.
Marsupial said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:29
So if he’s the Little Emperor, what do you suppose he calls his cock?
The Littlest Emperor?
D. Aristophanes said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:30
Misha’s one of the original hard-core warbloggers that bubbled out of the post-9/11 swamp … been around forever, we just haven’t held our noses and wandered over to his place in some time …
J— said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:30
So if he’s the Little Emperor, what do you suppose he calls his cock?
That’s his Oath, and it is forever.
MzNicky said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:30
By the way, good to see you back again, Mr. Aristophanes.
Righteous Bubba said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:32
Who’d pay?
D. Aristophanes said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:33
Why thankee, MzNicky … I needed a bit of a sabbatical after the intensity of the election.
henry lewis said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:37
MzNicky, surely you don’t doubt that such a clown could exist? I think, post-election, we’ve entered a kind of comic inversion where authetic wingnut now outfunnies any possible parody.
Witness the hunger strike guy from last week.
Faglin Smellyho Notsosvelte said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:39
Please, please, please, please, please let Emperor Misha pull a Koresh.
Legalize said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:40
“So if he’s the Little Emperor, what do you suppose he calls his cock?”
Semper Fudge?
Celia said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:41
Watch him attempt to disobey one of the less dangerous, less interesting laws Obama’s government passes! Watch as nobody gives a crap!
Alternatively, watch as he has fantasies about totally not paying his employees the same wage for the same work…if he had any employees. And if he weren’t obviously such a wilting great pansy, such as would crumble to a pathetic heap of dust if “the law” so much as glanced in his direction.
R. Porrofatto said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:42
Hey, Mishky, ya like gladiator movies?
The Little Twerp seems to pull this “and I shall die a free man*” schtick often. This one’s to protest imminent enslavement by McCain.
*And when a Texacrappee blowhard like this specimen gives up the gas it ain’t something to be near.
Shorter Pajamas Media said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:44
Lurkbot said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:46
Well, as angry as reading this kind of crap makes me, I can kind of understand it. Substitute the stolen election of 2000 and the RNC for ACORN and I could very well have written exactly the same thing any time in the last 8 years, about George W. Bush.
Mister DNA said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:47
It would never occur to me that someone who goes by the name “Emperor Misha” would have authority issues.
Arky said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:48
Let’s hope that Obama says something this sad little twerp can interpret as an order to breathe. Until then he’ll have to make due with jaywalking and taking 11 items through the 10 items or less line at the grocery.
Ralph Nader said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:48
Shorter Pajamas Media said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:44
There’s only one person I know of here that takes something that was mildly funny once and repeatedly flogs it over and over again to remove all the funny that ever existed in it.
Arky said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:49
And “make due” should be “make do.”
I know this isn’t WP’s fault, but FYWP!
MzNicky said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:50
henry lewis: I somehow missed hunger strike guy as well. Holy cow. Well, I wish all these assorted ding-dongs the best of luck in their goals of being incarcerated and starving to death. Really.
Edmund Schluessel said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:51
I don’t buy the sedevacantist argument at all. Let’s say that we did have an illegitimate non-President in the White House (it’s not unimaginable! :-p).
Then Congress would continue to pass laws, which would go unsigned, and unsigned laws are still laws, yah? I mean, hell, this is even conceding all the executive orders…
Matt T. said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:51
Substitute the stolen election of 2000 and the RNC for ACORN and I could very well have written exactly the same thing any time in the last 8 years, about George W. Bush.
Yeah, except that wasn’t total race-tinged bullshit like the ACORN stuff was. You might as well say, “Well, of course, they’re upset Obama eats arugala. After all, we all got mad at Bush illegally invading Iraq.”
MzNicky said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:52
“If I die, I shall
die a free man. If I live, I shallhave done my country a great favor.”Fxd.
J— said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:52
Make dew.
M. Bouffant said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:54
Yo, welcome back, D. A.! ‘Bout time the East Coast elitists here (We’ll not even mention the foreign influences. What time is it?) got some fresh & new Left Coast thinking. (NB: As far as I’m concerned, quantity is quality, so keep spewin’ it.)
I find especially amusing that many in the Littlest Whitesnake’s commentariat refer to B. O. as “The Chosen One,” as if he’d been, oh, elected by a significant majority. And yet that’s not the meaning they take. They act as if the Supreme Court “chose” him.
And the number referring to their “Oath,” apparently taken either when they were drafted or swore their allegiance when This Great Nation of Ours® made the mistake of giving their alien asses citizenship. Which leads us to think the commenters there are fucking losers of every kind. How many honorable discharges there? How many general discharges? And how many “medical,” if you know what I mean?
I’d say the first move by the Obama Admin. should be to radically increase the size of the Secret Service. Just looking for semi-veiled threats on the Web o’ Weasels could be a full-time job for hundreds. And more SS bad-asses are needed to visit these folks & fill them in on the laws they claim to respect (firearms laws included) & see just where these people fall on the “harmless-but-nutty to dangerous-to-themselves-or-others scale.
Matt T. said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:54
It would never occur to me that someone who goes by the name “Emperor Misha” would have authority issues.
Depends on the “authority”. It admittedly has been a while since I stepped into the “emperor’s” particular gut-wagon, but he seemed pretty keen on Bush’s authority back when everyone was still down with killing the shit out of Iraqis. And the whole “black guy” thing is probably sticking in his craw, as well. I really can’t remember one way or another how the hateful little turd swings on race relations, though.
agum said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:54
I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat.
“So help me God.”
What do I win?
g said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:54
Oh, the hunger strike guy is pretty amazing:
It’s time for ObamaBot 2009 to admit that a colored man simply should not be president, nor should he hold any real job.
I am wondering if he’s really thought this thing through. Is he arguing for a return to slavery? Or maybe just black folks should live lives of leisure?
Righteous Bubba said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:55
Note that the Michael Crook episode is over.
tigrismus, Queen of the Universe and Boss of You said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:59
It would never occur to me that someone who goes by the name “Emperor Misha” would have authority issues.
I have authority volumes.
agum said,
January 31, 2009 at 21:59
p.s. you know AIR is an awesome site because their banner includes the following links:
* Home
* A Word From the Front
* Imperial Colosseum
* Imperial FAQ
* Imperial Mail FAQ
* Warspite In Memoriam
* Why was I Moderated?
In general, the top menu should be used for frequently accessed items. If one of your most frequently accessed items is “Why was I moderated?,” then your website is creating more drama than content.
J— said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:00
Note to Michael Crook: Next time, call it a fast. That has more spiritual resonance.
JenJen said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:00
Insta-classic.
Oh, what fun and mirth this post will bring down the road. I so look forward to reading it again in 2011, for example.
Teh internets is forever!!
g said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:01
Thanks for the update on Michael Crook, RB. And may I say – it’s comedy gold!
Sometimes you have to make choices. With the purchase of an extra value meal at around 11 this morning, I ended my hunger strike, which lasted three days. Might I say that a Big Extra value meal at McDonald’s never tasted so good.
Oh, that’s rich!! Are you sure this isn’t a script for something like Arrested Development?
Arky said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:05
Bravissima!
Gundamhead said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:07
“And if he and his tyrannical henchmen try to force me to obey his illegal orders, laws and regulations, I shall meet them with force as well.”
Oh please. Just who does he think he’s fooling?
Snorghagen said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:08
The only thing owed by me is covered by my Oath, and that was not given to any son or daughter of man, it was given to the Constitution, the sacred foundation of our nation. The pathetic trappings of office that he surrounds himself with, the waves of adulation washing over him from his braindead sycophants in the Obamedia, all of that is but dust in the wind and I regard it with the same indifference that I show toward a worm writhing under my foot as I step on it. Here today, gone tomorrow. He, too, shall pass.
Ooooh, that’s great stuff… just like the screenplay to a fifty-year-old Hercules movie, except that he actually expects people to take it seriously.
I truly hope that Misha talks like this in real life. I’d love to hear him ordering a piza.
tigrismus, Queen of the Universe and Boss of You said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:08
Note to Michael Crook: Next time, call it a fast. That has more spiritual resonance.
It also works descriptively: “Three days? My goodness, that was over fast!”
M. Ghandi said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:08
Three days? I didn’t start to get hunger pangs until at least day five you whiny ass bitch. I bet you cheated by eating things you don’t consider real food, like fresh fruit and vegetables you fat, sweaty, beef eating sack of shit.
Three days. Get the fuck out of my face.
M. Bouffant said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:09
wilting great pansy
Why I love the Brits!! (Even if they weren’t busily handing their country over to the Un-washed Islamic CommieHhordes, I’d luv ‘em!)
Emperor Assmunch doesn’t need a name for his pee-pee. He doesn’t even need a pee-pee. He has all his guns.
Speaking of which, I’m amused by all the brave ex-G. I.s there (from various supply companies & desk gigs, no doubt) talking about their guns, & how they’re off to the range, as if that’s some sort of actual combat situation. If one of those fucks took one round of return fire, you could follow them directly to their basement “bunkers” by the stream of pee & pop they’d be leaking. (Yeah, I meant “poop,” but sometimes a Freudian typo tells all. Mtn. Dew!)
Above paragraph my lame attempt to sub for mikey.
Matt T. said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:09
Note that the Michael Crook episode is over.
Three days and he caved for friggin’ McDonald’s. Told y’all, it’s gonna be eight years of incredibly embarassing yet highly entertaining honkies showing the entire universe why racism is the domain of the incredibly stupid asshole.
Legalize said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:09
Ah. McDonalds after not eating for 3 days. That’s gotta do wonders for one’s system.
Galactic Dustbin Althouse said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:10
Wow! You have to take an Oath to blog? Man, the Internets are STRICT! I had no idea.
Legalize said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:12
An oath to uphold all internet traditions?
tigrismus said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:13
“And if he and his tyrannical henchmen try to force me to obey his illegal orders, laws and regulations, I shall meet them with force as well.”
Oh please. Just who does he think he’s fooling?
He is dense enough to have an event horizon.
Matt T. said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:14
I truly hope that Misha talks like this in real life. I’d love to hear him ordering a piza.
“I say unto you, upon my oath, my Meat Lover’s Supreme shall be at my domicile in no less than 30 minutes or, by my father and my father’s father’s father, I shall not, will not pay full price. This I swear, no more, no less. Warn your pitiful, mewling pizza boy, brainwashed by socialist claims of “minimum wage”, that he shall feel the full force of my righteous rage should he debase himself by asking for a tip. I will not tip a worm under my foot, so I shall not tip you.
Yes, I would like a 2 liter Coke, too, thank you. Charge.”
PS said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:18
“dust in the wind”?
Now we know what is the matter with Kansas, though admittedly it’s not their fault in this instance
M. Bouffant said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:19
Talk like you type, bee-otch!!
Indeedy, heh. Stan Lee & his pseudo-Shaksperean/KJBible dialog have a hell of a lot for which to answer.
Snorghagen said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:19
Wait! Does this mean that Obama acceded to Crook’s demands and resigned? This is earth-shaking! Why is the liberal media not reporting this event?
George Smiley said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:23
“… I will do my best, to do my doody, for G_d and my Country…”
D. Aristophanes said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:25
‘… and no son or daughter of Man shall deny the validity of the 2-for-1 coupon I possess, vouchsafed by my Oath and thine to uphold as a contract between free men under the sacred document upon which this nation is founded!’
Cletus von Clausewitz said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:25
Born in a Honolulu hospital to a Kansas-born mother, more than 35 years ago. How could he be eligible? Taking the oath of office twice, once with his hand on the bible, (King James?) with the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. How could he be legitimate? Out of 131,257,328 total votes cast, he received 69,456,897 votes or 52.92%. How could he have won? The runner-up received 59,934,814 or 45.66%. ACORN must have stolen 9,522,083 votes. How could ACORN not have stolen 9.5 million votes? The Supreme Court rejected all of their complaints. Is there any member of Congress who agrees with these guys? Where is this “shouting in the wilderness” coming from, if not for bigotry?
Lesley said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:26
The imbeciles shout “spending spree!” How short their memories are.
joel hanes said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:26
Just who does he think he’s fooling?
Galactic Dustbin Althouse said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:29
Michael Crook has GOT to be a performance artist. There can not be that high a concentration of assholeness in one person outside of Dick Cheney
g said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:32
Wow, Michael Crook is a full bag of crazy!!
Check out his “about me” pages:
I have divorced thrice, and as a result I am presently single. I presently surround myself with two lively tabby cats. Like most cats, they demand much attention and food. They are in no short quantity of either of these things, for I am not what one would call a social creature. I avoid socialization and friendship like the plague, so I do not tend to go out, nor do I find it acceptable to engage in what you humans refer to as “fun”.
Truth be told, I think he’s probably someone with Aspberger’s Syndrome or something like that. Here’s what he’s bragging on:
My activism goes back many years, speaking out against a proposed school rezoning plan in Las Vegas when I was in fourth grade, as well as getting involved in local civic matters pertaining to a school stabbing and inferior protection for ducks in Mays Landing, New Jersey. I was also one of the first private citizens to file an indecency complaint with the FCC when broadcast television stations aired unedited obscenities uttered by citizens during the September 11, 2001 incident.
So the guy fights The Man to protect ducks and to complain about people saying “Fuck!” when watching planes fly into buildings.
Galactic Dustbin said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:36
“… and by my Oath, G_d save any man who shall deny me those rights which generations of patriots have fought for, for I shall too!”
“Sir, I just asked if you wanted Cheesy Bread with that.”
“Yes and extra dipping sauce.”
henry lewis said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:40
Hold fast, delivery knave, whilst I thrust three worthy coppers upon thy trembling mitt. Let it not be spoken, in lo these suburbs, that Misha, emperor and frequent customer, never deigns to smile favor even unto this most antlike vassal.
Lurkbot said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:41
Anybody but me hearing Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory except without the…you know…brains?
D. Aristophanes said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:42
‘By Grapthar’s Hammer, the inclusion of a stray bell pepper ‘pon my Meat Lover’s Special shall be avenged!’
g said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:44
Actually, I read a little more at Crook’s site, and I am now entirely repelled. The man has seriously fucked up issues about children.
Woodrowfan said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:44
he’s also an ordained minister and an author! oh…my..
gotta be an internet DD-degree and published via a vanity press.
Legalize said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:44
Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war … upon the ingrates who dare make me take a number and wait in line at the DMV!
Some Guy said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:45
Kinda reminds me of Dr. Noah Faulkner from Biodome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bio-Dome
Except more insane and paranoid.
Woodrowfan said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:45
I’d do more research but Googling “DD” gets some, um, intriguing, results…
Leonard Pierce said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:45
I’m going to go WAY out on a limb here and predict that Mischa’s brave-sounding, tough-talking defiance of the Obama regime over the next eight years will take the exact same form as his brave-sounding, tough-talking defiance of the Islamofascists over the last eight years: sitting on his ass and typing.
Loneoak said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:46
What Oath is he talking about? Clearly, he knows nothing about being Emperor—people swear oaths to you, not the other way around.
Anonymous said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:47
By Grabthar’s Hammer! By the Triple Scoops of Butter Brickle! I shall have a meal!
Smut Clyde said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:49
This must be one of those Zen riddles. If a histrionic loon swears a mighty Oath upon the Constitution, but no-one visits his website, does anybody care?
Which reminds me, I reckon there’s enough common ground between Judaism and Zen Buddhism that it’s time to start a syncretic religion that combines the best elements of both. I like the idea of being a Zen Cohen.
Anonymous said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:50
I like the idea of being a Zen Cohen.
=—-=
Zenard Cohen rules our world.
M. Bouffant said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:53
Lurkbot, I was pretty much hearing myself in that one. Except, of course, more branes for me too.
M. Bouffant said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:55
Smut, I’ve been a Zen Rastafarian for some time now.
Arky said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:58
Divorced thrice?
I assume the divorces in question were from reality.
Ironicus Maximus said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:03
If this guy is so enamored of the Constitution, why does he call himself the littlest EMPEROR? Maybe he is referring to his…erm…appendage.
Galactic Dustbin said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:04
and his new kid will “make his others look like roadkill”
Thanks Dad!
Anonymous said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:04
I was also one of the first private citizens to file an indecency complaint with the FCC when broadcast television stations aired unedited obscenities uttered by citizens during the September 11, 2001 incident.
And with the quasi white-supremest, neo-crusade shields on his blog, I suppose he’s fine with exterminating the little brown people so long as there is no cursing.
g said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:06
Well, actually if you read a few more of his posts, you’ll find that he actually did consider at least one of his kids as “roadkill.” Guy is sick.
Simba B said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:10
Ah, the ever-so-slight possibility that maybe, just maybe, this guy isn’t 100% Genuine Wingnut, and may be what we humans refer to as a “parody”.
To me, that’s the best part.
mdh said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:11
I’ve been waiting 8 long years to read something like this.
Thanks S,N!
Mister DNA said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:12
Which reminds me… it’s good to see that Foehammer’s Anvil is open for business once again.
Simba B said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:14
Good times. Leonard Pierce’s post and the subsequent thread where Fudgey showed up to do battle with us was fun.
Although nothing holds a candle to Our Lady of the Shit Moats.
Simba B said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:17
Hey, look.
Yet another phpBB security flaw, uhhh, “Turkish Hackers” from the “religion of peace” closed the Foehammer Network!Two things come to mind here: One, idiot thinks all Turks are Muslims, and two, does he not realize that if the IP that exploited his outdated server wasn’t Turkish, it may have well as been Chinese or something? So what then, bitch?
J.D. Rhoades said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:17
Sometimes you have to make choices. With the purchase of an extra value meal at around 11 this morning, I ended my hunger strike, which lasted three days. Might I say that a Big Extra value meal at McDonald’s never tasted so good.
I hope the cook spit in it.
Alan in SF said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:18
LE alludes to the little known fact that Geoge W., Bush put his pants on both legs at a time, but both on the same leg, then had to take them off and try again, this time attempting to put them on from the other direction, getting all the way up to the point where the cuffs met his tidy whities before noticing it wasn’t working, then taking them off again and asking the Secret Service for help.
The Secret Service, of course, would assure the President that there was nothing wrong with the way he was trying to put his pants on, and so it would continues.
Thanks for the memories, LE!
g said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:24
The Extra Value Meal post makes me wonder if it’s parody – because if it is, it’s brilliant.
Doctorb said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:28
As we live and breathe.
Davis said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:30
There should be a warning posted before clicking on the link. There’s some crazy shit going on over there.
Doctorb said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:30
HAHAHAHAH HIS OATH IS TO FUNNY FOREVER
Smut Clyde said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:35
But my Oath is forever, and so is the document, the nation to which I swore it. His every word, his every deed, every “law” that his Congress passes shall be weighed, by me, against the words put down by our Founders centuries ago
I have been trying to satirise or exaggerate this, and found it impossible. Apparently the dude’s personal copy of the US Constitution outweighs any functional expressions of the normal in-use constitution, such as laws or Supreme Court rulings or presidential orders. I can only speculate that the awesome potency of his own version comes from its platonic, aspirational nature and its lack of any messy operational details. He has the vault copy.
lawnguylander said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:43
So the guy fights The Man to protect ducks and to complain about people saying “Fuck!” when watching planes fly into buildings.
On the FCC complaints, I have a hunch that it’s worse than that. I remember reading that someone had filed a complaint because one or more networks broadcast audio of a Cantor Fitzgerald employee responding to a call from a reporter soon after the 1st plane hit by saying something like, “help us, we’re fucking dying up here.” I was amazed and wondered what kind of asshole would complain about that. Now I know. I guess it makes sense that such a douchebag would resurface at some point.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:44
Until then he’ll have to make due with jaywalking and taking 11 items through the 10 items or less line at the grocery.
Damned groceryterrorfascists!
Zoro Astrian said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:45
You guys familiar with the myth Ra’s Ben Cohen on about?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:45
He has the vault copy.
Extra credit…his has Bush and Cheney’s excrement all over it. Think of what that’s worth on Ebay!
Bordo said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:46
What would we do in these dark days of economic woes without these impotent pud pullers furnishing us with a daily laugh track of wankery? This guy makes that crazy lady from Atlas Shrugs seem reasonable. Oy.
PeeJ said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:47
The little Emperor is so cute. Penguins are inherently funny, it seems.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:49
Doctorb, you’re violating the Hippocratic Oath, ‘cos yer killin’ me!
He can play president all he wants, ignorant fools often get a huge kick out of indulging in their delusions
This from a man who calls himself “Emperor”.
Speaking of which, I’m amused by all the brave ex-G. I.s there (from various supply companies & desk gigs, no doubt) talking about their guns, & how they’re off to the range, as if that’s some sort of actual combat situation.
Top Truck!
Dave said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:52
Hmmmm. How do these frothing pseudo-cons feel about the warrantless wiretapping of the previous administration? How about breaking with internal and international laws about holding people without charges aaaaand torturing them? If that’s what they call sticking to the Constitution, then so much for the
Low on OdorLaw and Order party, eh!Smut Clyde said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:53
Flies and worms don’t stand a chance around the Little Emperor.
Perhaps you are confusing him with someone else.
Thrillhouse said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:54
That is a lot of ego squeezed into such a little emperor. I don’t know about anyone else, but the whole time I was reading that I was picturing it as read by a small child with an oversized construction paper crown who’s wielding a toilet paper tube scepter and trying not to trip over his bath towel ceremonial robes. That dude has read too many old Thor comics. Seriously, for a guy who seems so big on the Constitution he really doesn’t seem to understand how laws are made, interpreted, or enforced. I’d like to know what he thinks is in there.
I tried reading the pizza order comments out loud to my girlfriend, but couldn’t get through the first sentence without cracking up and being unable to continue. Thanks, guys.
PlusDistance said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:55
The only thing owed by me is covered by my Oath, and that was not given to any son or daughter of man
But Barack Obama was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped!
In Kenya!
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:56
Day three of the Revolution- mixed paper and plastics, idled the car for five minutes.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
noen said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:56
Emperor Misha – Drama queen extraordinaire! Huzzzzah!
I’m touched, really I am. It’s almost like they do this for our sake. We are here now Imperator Misha, entertain us.
Iason Oubache said,
January 31, 2009 at 23:58
See! This is exactly why I hate Calvinists.
J— said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:01
Day Four of the Revolution: Put out the garbage at 4:45 PM the day before pick-up, in flagrant violation of the municipal ordinance to have it out no earlier than 5:00 PM.
Day Five of the Revolution: Retrieve the garbage can from the curb at 9:00 PM the evening of garbage pick-up, in flagrant violation of the municipal ordinance to remove it no later than 7:00 PM.
FlipYrWhig said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:01
For Misha,
BirnamMorning Wood came toDunsinaneDumb Insane.noen said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:02
Smut, do you really think His Excellency Misha IIII would settle for being a side kick like Renfield? Heavens!
We will accept nothing less than Lord Emperor of teh Flies, tribunicia potestate Misha IIII. May his Majesty have mercy on thee!
Rusty Shackleford said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:02
I have divorced thrice…
Interestingly though, only married once. But his wife insisted.
PeeJ said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:02
Reprinted from above because the original can’t be improved. Comic genius!
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:02
I’d like to know what he thinks is in there.
I’d like to know what he thinks is inside a girl.
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:03
But Barack Obama was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped!
Minions: We were just getting ready to march on Dunsinane, carrying branches over our heads to fulfil the “Burnham wood come up to Dunsinane” part of the prophecy, but the ecological advisors warned us that the branches were an important part of the forest ecosystem.
Obama: Curses, thwarted again!
J— said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:04
inside a girl
This is one of those links that calls out for a pop-up title.
PeeJ said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:04
Wow. I bet in the old days he bent, folded, spindled AND mutilated his telephone bill.
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:04
FlipYrWhig said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:01
I hate you all, you fast-modem-using bastards.
Emperor Misha IIII said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:05
Until Garbage Man has proven his eligibility for the office, he is not my trash collector.
FlipYrWhig said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:05
Nearly simultaneous Macbeth jokes. That’s why I spend all my procrastination time here at SadNo Enterprises and Amalgamated SnarkWorks.
Emperor Misha IIII said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:07
“I’d like to know what he thinks is inside a girl.”
It be witchery!!
lawnguylander said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:08
Also, I can’t link to it right now but there’s a clip on youtube of Michael Crook issuing an apology to 10zenmonkeys for filing a bogus DCM complaint against them if you’d like to see just how freaky he is. He did the same thing to a bunch of posters on Fark after they had a photoshop contest using an image of him from an appearance on Fox News. The contest entries and the story behind his coming to the attention of the Farkers are worth googling.
And now, I’m out of here. This thread fucking sucks. Where are the hundreds of boring responses to a troll that I’ve come to expect? Instead everyone is being all funny and shit. The post itself is really funny too. See you later, assholes.
Auguste said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:09
I have no words.
Well, I have one word (“fuck”), but that’s almost the same as having no words.
I’m surprised this guy survived long enough to see September 11; I’d have thought he’d have stroked out when NBC aired “Schindler’s List” unedited.
Mr. Wonderful said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:10
If you haven’t, go read some of Misha’s commenters. That way madness lies.
It is nice, though, to be reminded of the uber-pretentious We-Are-Sparta-speak that is the true Wing-Gnutt’s gift to the world of rhetoric. Good, high-cholesterol stuff.
And what, in their user names, does “LC” stand for? Please tell me it stands for Lieutenant Colonel. Licensed Commenter? Loony Character?
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:11
J___, good J____ was there not a pop-up?
Would I have let that particular one slide?
D. Aristophanes said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:16
LC – ‘Loyal Citizen’ … of Emperor Misha’s ‘realm’, I think.
Rusty Shackleford said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:16
LC = legally certifiable
Green Eagle said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:17
Obama puts his pants on one leg at a time?
I am surprised that these people haven’t figured out that, as the new Holy Sovereign Supreme King of America, Obama just lays in bed until his slave minions place his pants on his legs for him.
J— said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:17
And now, I’m out of here. This thread fucking sucks. Where are the hundreds of boring responses to a troll that I’ve come to expect? Instead everyone is being all funny and shit. The post itself is really funny too. See you later, assholes.
Here’s a little poem. I just wrote it.
What happens to a blog derailed?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it implode?
Rusty Shackleford said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:20
If Obama were really the Messiah he’d miracle his pants on
J— said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:21
J___, good J____ was there not a pop-up?
Would I have let that particular one slide?
Sorry, Big Bad Bald Bastard, but I’m not seeing it. Maybe I’m doing something wrong.
PeeJ said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:27
LC => Little Cock
It’s a support group thing.
J— said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:27
Also, I can’t link to it right now but there’s a clip on youtube of Michael Crook issuing an apology to 10zenmonkeys for filing a bogus DCM complaint against them if you’d like to see just how freaky he is.
This?
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:32
he puts his pants on [...] one leg at a time.
Does Misha even realise that he is comparing Obama to Lincoln?
MzNicky said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:33
I sit here now with aching sides
tears of mirth roll down my face;
my cats have long since fled in fear
at the unfamiliar sound
of their mistress’s mighty chortles.
Thanks Sadlies! That’s more like it.
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:41
Talk like you type, bee-otch!!
These are not extra’neous apostrophe’s. Theyre actually glott’al stops.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:42
Here you go, J____, because no one should be deprived of a Cramps video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jHbsI-tLfk&feature=related
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:43
I’d have thought he’d have stroked out when NBC aired “Schindler’s List” unedited.
Perhaps you could rephrase that.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:54
does he not realize that if the IP that exploited his outdated server wasn’t Turkish, it may have well as been Chinese or something? So what then, bitch?
Chinese Muslims! Michelle Malkin calles them Chuslims.
Pammycakes calls them Chuzzies.
commie atheist said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:55
Wow, Michael Crook is a full bag of crazy!!…Truth be told, I think he’s probably someone with Aspberger’s Syndrome or something like that.
Fuck that. I have Asperger’s, and I refuse to be included in the same mental health category as that prickface.
J— said,
February 1, 2009 at 0:55
Thank, Big Bad Bald Bastard, but it wasn’t the link I was missing. That worked fine the first time around. It was the extra little title in a fancy yellow box provided by the linker, which is now an internet requisite, at least in the internet empire in my mind.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:01
J____, I live to serve.
noen said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:01
Michael Crook
He also hates the police
Yeah, it’s a real good idea to insult a cop when you’re pulled over for a traffic violation.
Sooner or later he’s going to go out in a blaze of glory.
Simba B said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:09
Fuck that. I have Asperger’s, and I refuse to be included in the same mental health category as that prickface.
Seconded.
Also, inre: noen’s Wiki link. I have learned my lesson linking there, but for the brave and adequately advertising/malware/etc. protected he does have an article at Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Also the YouTube has been mentioned, but a search there for his name leads to his appearance on Hannity back in like 2003, or something.
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:12
all of that is but dust in the wind
In the internet empire of my mind, the anthropomorphised figure of Death is not tall and cadaverous and dressed in black, but rather is short, fat, and clad in a yellow-and-black rugby jersey so he resembles a bumblebee.
When a plonker like Misha is orating away at the top of his cod-Shakespearean form, his eyes in a fine frenzy rolling, sooner or later he will declaim “Oh Death, where is thy sting?” This is Death’s cue.
“Funny you should ask that. My sting, let me show you it.”
digitusmedius said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:15
Is there some kind of award for cramming the largest amount of triteness into the smallest amount of text?
Righteous Bubba said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:18
Yes. Promotion to LOL status.
Anne Laurie said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:23
So if he’s the Little Emperor, what do you suppose he calls his cock?
You know that proverb “Never let the little head think for the big head”? Guess which of Mischa’s organs is writing… and be grateful that the Intertoobz are not yet fully interactive.
lawnguylander said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:24
This?
Probably but I’m commenting from a blackberry so I can’t check. If you’re not sure check 10zenmonkeys. They have it posted there.
Righteous Bubba said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:27
Boing Boing has a buncha Michael Crook stuff too.
Smut Clyde said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:28
“Never let the little head think for the big head”?
My conjoined twin and I both find this offensive.
abanterer said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:31
Jesus Carpenter! This Misha guy is possibly worse than Pam!
Jrod said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:32
The guy is proud that he complained to the FCC that people said “fuck” as a giant fucking airplane slammed right into the fucking WTC and people were jumping out the fucking windows to give themselves a quick death?
Zounds.
I’m surprised he doesn’t include the time he snitched on Billy Jones in the seat ahead of him for passing notes in his biography of activism.
pbg said,
February 1, 2009 at 1:36
I can’t help it: They’re sitting there on the set of Napoleon Dynamite. That’s all I can see.
Daphne Chyprious said,
February 1, 2009 at 2:17
One hell of a martyr complex. That’s my guess.
thebewilderness said,
February 1, 2009 at 2:37
Criminy! I know just how the littlest emperor feels.
Al Gore was my Prezident from 2000 to 2004, and I assure you I did not obey one single think WPE ordered me to do. Not one!11!
wtf said,
February 1, 2009 at 2:43
can this guy be prosecuted for treason, like now?
Another Kiwi said,
February 1, 2009 at 2:57
For lo! the malignant Turtle did appear to them and quoth “Who hast ta’en The Oath of the Two for one Tuesday”
And said They “Aye Sire it was ever thus”
And the malignant Turtle did vouchsafe “Hast thou coin of the realm for profference or must extract my price from your living flesh!”
Now the scurvey knaves did jump behind the door and slam’t behind crying “Bite our arses dude.
And lo there was great arse biting for the malignant turtle of baked dough products with assorted toppings is not to be denied.
jimmiraybob said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:00
Let us not undermine our legitimate policy disagreements with the liberals by giving them an easy way to paint us as unhinged lunatics.
Oy. That ship has sailed. That train has left the station. That bullet has left the barrel.
jlo said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:03
“ignorant fools often get a huge kick out of indulging in their delusions”
Lil’ E might want to announce this bit of insight to the man in the mirror.
M. Bouffant said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:18
Chinese Muslims! Michelle Malkin calles them Chuslims.
Pammycakes calls them Chuzzies.
Which made me think of Martin Chuzzlewit, which is awfully descriptive of the two name-callers in question.
Also, dig the irony that pre-11Sept01 those two would doubtless have been screaming about how the ChiComs are persecuting religious minorities. Now, in the Age of Soaked Undies, their “stories” are a bit different. And the Uighurs, etc., are still fucked.
M. Bouffant said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:29
Is there some kind of award for cramming the largest amount of triteness into the smallest amount of text?
Permanent employment in the Elite Liberal Bias Mainstream Drive-By Old Legacy Media, of course.
Or, a Lifetime Guarantee of Entitlement to Slurping at The Trough of The Wing-Nut Welfare Barons, counter-signed by R. Mellon Scaife & Frum’s ancestors & in-laws.
silver age said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:42
The last time I saw the word “Usurper” was in 1968 on the cover of a paperback edition of “Conan the Usurper.”
I’m guessing that’s where he got it.
Honus said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:56
“I really can’t remember one way or another how the hateful little turd swings on race relations, though.”
The comment referring to “president Buckwheat” might be a weather eye on this.
A.W. Merrick said,
February 1, 2009 at 4:01
Sooner or later he’s going to go out in a blaze of glory.
Beaten to death by the pizza delivery guy wielding a large Meat Lover’s?
A Texan in Bavaria said,
February 1, 2009 at 4:46
Unfortunately, I have at least one co-worker who really, sincerely says this kind of stuff, and will not STFU about it.
He claims to have put in early for retirement from the Army Reserves so that he doesn’t have to call “That One” Commander-in-Chief. Then again, he also claims that he’s leaving this defense contracting job to be project manager in Ireland (where his wife lives) and will not set foot in the USA while “That One” is “occupying” the White House.
I think he’s just sore about being passed over for promotion. I haven’t the heart to tell him that an American with a chip on his shoulder and no software engineering experience is going to have one hell of a time getting a job managing programmers in a country with an economy cratering even faster than Germany’s or the US’s.
J Theis said,
February 1, 2009 at 4:59
Dust sprayed over three heaving mounts in blinding clouds, while they bore the burdonsome cargoes of their struggling overseers. “Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian”, gasped the first soldier.
“Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!” returned Misha. A sweeping blade of flashing steel riveted from the massive barbarians hide enameled shield as his rippling right arm thrust forth, sending a steel shod blade to the hilt into the soldiers vital organs.
The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid &c …
silver age said,
February 1, 2009 at 5:05
EXACTLY.
Anonymous said,
February 1, 2009 at 5:17
Armed rebellion, or preferably, military coup is the order of the day at the Rottweiler
Scott said,
February 1, 2009 at 5:39
Shorter Lil Misha: (drops trou, moons FBI, ATF, and Secret Service)
Johnny Coelacanth said,
February 1, 2009 at 6:57
Misha is another one of those Adam Yoshida, Kim DuToit foreigners who have become, self-consciously macho, hysterical hyperjingoists to compensate for not being born here. Assholes, in other words.
Batocchio said,
February 1, 2009 at 8:30
Oh, wait, all of a sudden Misha gives a shit about the Constitution?
Congressman Mike Pence's Hair said,
February 1, 2009 at 10:25
Whitey tape drops in 5-4-3 any minute now -2-1….
tunabreath said,
February 1, 2009 at 12:37
Snorghagen said,
January 31, 2009 at 22:08
Ooooh, that’s great stuff… just like the screenplay to a fifty-year-old Hercules movie, except that he actually expects people to take it seriously.
I truly hope that Misha talks like this in real life. I’d love to hear him ordering a pizza.
Didn’t The Three Amigos revive this style?
Erik W. said,
February 1, 2009 at 14:30
Sizzling Synchronicity, Batman! I just found this in this post
Anyway, isn’t Emperor Misha the silly bugger who wanted to blow up the moon to freak out the supposedly moon-worshipping muslims?
DD said,
February 1, 2009 at 16:15
Please, don’t pay yout taxes, run red lights, forcr your maid to score oxycontin in a parking lot, whatever! Flaunt every law you can, and brag about it online and everywhere you can dream up to do it. Please!
Just get yourself locked up and out of our faces. I’m not kidding.
Don’t pay your taxes and admit it in a letter to the editor, then cc the IRS.
Come on, tough guy, big talker….
Dot said,
February 1, 2009 at 16:53
“But my Oath is forever, and so is the document, the nation to which I swore it. His every word, his every deed, every “law” that his Congress passes shall be weighed, by me, against the words put down by our Founders centuries ago”
It kind of makes sense however, since this gets him out of any amendment after the Bill of Rights. After all, those weren’t added to the Constitution by the founders. What an idiot.
Comrade Rutherford said,
February 1, 2009 at 17:21
“He can play president all he wants, ignorant fools often get a huge kick out of indulging in their delusions, and his mindless followers can bleat and bray about their Anointed One at the top of their lungs, but he still isn’t my president.
I owe him no loyalty, I owe him no allegiance and I owe him no respect. All of that he has to earn, because he puts his pants on the same way as I every morning, one leg at a time.”
Exactly what I said about Acting-President Reagan, Bush I and Bush II. Reagan was never the real President, just as Bush II was never actually in charge of anything. Bush I was the real President from 1981 to 1992, and Cheney was the real president for the last 8 years.
I’m just happy we have someone in the White House that isn’t obviously retarded, like Bush II is. Obama can at least conjugate a verb and say ‘nuclear’ correctly. I feel that there should be a clause in the Constitution that says that you can’t control the world’s largest nuclear weapons arsenal if you can’t at least say ‘nuclear’ properly!
John D. said,
February 1, 2009 at 17:21
“I truly hope that Misha talks like this in real life. I’d love to hear him ordering a pizza.”
“You DARE ask if I want anchovies with that? Fiend, I say thee nay!!!”
synykyl said,
February 1, 2009 at 17:32
What a pathetic display. If Misha ever comes to his senses, boy will he be embarrassed.
Dan Someone said,
February 1, 2009 at 19:43
OK, I went over to that comment thread at Little Emp’s place (and now I have to go wash my computer with lye and bleach). I think my favorite comment was the one that started with this:
You have to wonder what the poster would do if someone informed him that the entire Department of Defense is presided over by… a civilian! Would his head asplode?
Singularity said,
February 1, 2009 at 21:49
How can I take seriously a guy who speaks boldly of taking up arms against an illegitimate usurper but isn’t even brave enough to keep an open comments section on his blog?
Doug Alder said,
February 2, 2009 at 1:05
I say, isn’t that a veiled threat against your President’s life? Shouldn’t the Secret Service be informed of this threat ;)
Kip W said,
February 2, 2009 at 3:14
His problem is he didn’t prepare enough. A job like this — I’m talking about fasting here — should have been entrusted to someone like Jonah, who’s obviously been preparing for it for a long time. What, you think he likes Cheetos and Slim Jims? It’s just the kind of sacrifice he makes for just such an eventuality as having to do without food for a month or two, until the universe agrees to see things his way.
And thanks for the tooltips on the links, gang! A grateful Kip W salutes you.
TelltaleHeart said,
February 2, 2009 at 5:56
Jeepers. What a nutjob.
Certainly makes all those silly lectures from the right about “Bush Derangement Syndrome” look like pure projection!
.
watchdog said,
February 2, 2009 at 8:50
Wow, this emperor person is saying everything that I said, about the previous holder of Obama’s office. What incredible powers of projection this emperor commands, truly magnificent.
Parrotlover77 said,
February 2, 2009 at 20:29
Whenever I see “G-d” the words “God damn” immediately pop into my thought bubble. Am I alone on this one?
59 Les Paul Copy said,
February 2, 2009 at 23:27
The weirdest thing is that my band is named “The Tyrannical Henchmen” and our latest album is called “The Pathetic Trappings of Office”. Punk is not dead, not by a long shot.
bottle labels said,
January 3, 2012 at 5:41
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