Jan
22

Point, Counterpoint




Posted at 2:49 by Gavin M.
Above: Spadesey

Ace of Spades HQ, October 20, 2008:

“He’s Not My President” – How the Values of Conservatism Will Keep Us From Becoming the Looney Left Should Obama Win

What I wanted to write about today is Obama Derangement Syndrome. Yeah, it’s not a mental illness YET, but IF he wins in November Conservative America is going to be sorely tempted to look back at both Dubya administrations and copy the tactics of the Lunatic Left.

And who can blame them? If you went back and chronicled the claims made by the Chomsky/Soros Wing of the Democratic Party over the last 8 years, Bush was going to shred the Constitution, suspend the 2008 election (I WISH!!!), lose the war in Iraq horribly, round up dissenters and place them in Internment Camps and use our military to steal the oil of Iraq and other Mideastern Countries. I have to admit that I feel that using these tactics against Obama would be Karmic Justice, especially when he’s shown tendencies to be the Fascist that Bush never became. I could get with reprinting some of those “Selected (by the MSM), Not Elected” and “Not My President” tee shirts. Obama as a Chimp has WAY too many negative connotations to ever catch on like Bush as a Chimp did, but I’m down with printing up a couple million posters of some of Slub’s “Captain Bullshit” photoshops, or maybe some motivational posters of Urkel Obama on his bicycle.

While I’d LOVE to see how the media would react to this grassroots campaign of disdain for the President, I realize that it will never happen. Never. No. Freaking. Way. Conservatives will NEVER go bugshit crazy on Obama like Liberals did against Bush, because Conservatives have too much respect for the office and it’s representatives.

Ace of Spades HQ, Inauguration Day, January 20, 2009:

President Obama Strolls Down Pennsylvania Avenue Wearing Smart Engish-Cut Suit; Michelle, Meanwhile, Wears Ceremonial T’k'arnanth Klingon Battledress
—Ace

Hey, nice dress. Who shot the curtains?

I didn’t realize Lt. Worf was so “hippy.” The Dodge Viper looks up to her for having a wide rear wheelbase.

Hey, is this mean? Here’s my response to that: Go fuck yourself sideways with a hot brick from a pizza oven.

First Lady Bush — and her daughters — were savaged, as was Sarah Palin.

Michelle Obama is not a good-looking woman, unless you like them “fierce” in the literal, rather than gay-fashion-lingo, sense. Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it was in Predator.

I don’t want to be bitchy, but Michelle Obama looks like she just got a full-body bukake from 30 horny couches.

She looks like she just got raped by the cast of Joseph and the Amazing Monocolor Dreamcoat.

I’m not saying she’s bulky, but is she wearing a coat, or is that the jibsail from a gay pirate ship?

I don’t want to say she looks immense in that gold circus-costume, but Auric Goldfinger just had a stroke-inducing orgasm.

Oops, he had another one. And another one. Once is happenstance; twice is coincidence; the third time it’s a fashion nightmare.

Chewbacca just called. He wants his wife’s housecoat back.

Tune in next time for Point, Counterpoint.

167 Comments »

  1. t4toby said,

    January 22, 2009 at 2:54

    Ace is truly a classless individual. I have nothing funny to say. he’s a true ass-hat.

    Why doesn’t he just come out and say, “I don’t like my women to be negroes”?

    I wonder if he will ever grow up.

  2. Galactic Dustbin said,

    January 22, 2009 at 2:55

    Zig! Ace “Shecky” of Spades, ladies and gentlemen. He’ll be here all week.

  3. Jennifer said,

    January 22, 2009 at 2:55

    Conservatives will NEVER go bugshit crazy on Obama like Liberals did against Bush, because Conservatives have too much respect for the office and it’s representatives.

    SUCK IT, BITCHES!!!!

    Oh my, these next 8 years are going to be the BEST of my LIFE!!!

  4. jnfr said,

    January 22, 2009 at 2:57

    Wow. Just, wow.

  5. Lancelot Link said,

    January 22, 2009 at 2:57

    They sound like those girls at the beginning of Baby Got Back;

    “She’s just so…black!”

  6. aimai said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:01

    Isn’t ace the one who simply doesn’t like girls, I mean isn’t he the “bacon and playdough guy?”

    aimai

  7. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:01

    Bush was going to shred the Constitution (suspension of habeas corpus), lose the war in Iraq horribly (we did), round up dissenters and place them in Internment Camps (The number of people in Gitmo, Free Speech zones) and use our military to steal the oil of Iraq and other Mideastern Countries (we did)

    But hey, Bush didn’t get Harriet Miers on the Supreme Court, privatize social security, or invade Iraq (aside from those brief brush invasions when some American military goob crossed the border the wrong way).

    So, y’know, *all* of our suspicions didn’t materialize.

  8. a different brad said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:02

    If I had any interest in searching through that mud, I’d look for Ace gettin all uppity about attacks on any of the Bush wimmin.
    White trash are going to be offended by African-Americans possessing a far better sense of style than them quite often in the next few years.
    Heehee.

  9. ed said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:04

    Wow. Is that Ace of Spades pseudo-tough guy an asshole or what?

  10. That Girl said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:06

    I think Thesaurus.com should just go ahead add “Republican” as a synonym for “hypocrite.”

    Also, what is possibly the most offensive thing about the “counterpoint” post is his jokes completely suck. He is the unfunny.

  11. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:07

    I don’t want to say Ace is fat, but he looks like he was raped by the entire prison population of San Quentin. Repeatedly.
    Until his bowels ruptured.

    Hm, maybe that’s too mean.

  12. bayville said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:07

    On the upside, atleast he didn’t make a watermelon joke.

  13. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:11

    On the bright side, new episode of Lost tonight. Even Ace of Spades self-loathing misogyny can’t tear me down from being happy about that.

  14. a different brad said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:12

    The comments to Ace’s Michelle post are a treat. She’s called a bitch every fourth or fifth comment, and they’re all bringing up Palin to say the left did it first. (Hillary doesn’t count, apparently, if we’re gonna play that.)
    Point is, the First Lady and the VP are equivalent positions.

  15. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:13

    Point is, the First Lady and the VP are equivalent positions.

    As are smart person and idiot.

  16. jnfr said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:14

    Ace is indeed the bacon-and-play-doh guy. But while his post is certainly full of woman hatred, the racist quotient seems higher to me. Hard to tell, but it was purely evil.

    And while Palin did get a lot of bad press, she was actually running for office. I don’t recall anyone savaging Laura and the girls, though I could have missed something. Presidential families are generally off-limits for that sort of vitriol.

  17. Nix said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:15

    This tripe would be the Anti-Obama Derangement Syndrome? Ace is really going all out. Glad he is really showing off how the Republicans really think. This is a sure fire way to take back both houses in 2010! LOL

  18. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:16

    I don’t recall anyone savaging Laura and the girls

    I do, but you know, one of their relatives started a war of choice and brought torture into practice, so you know, fuck them for not piping up.

  19. D. Sidhe said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:16

    I dunno. The curtain thing was mildly funny, the first eighty times I heard it yesterday. So he gets a technical point for that. But then, I thought the bacon and Play-Doh thing was funny too, while completely indicative of someone I would never, ever, ever fuck. Don’t get me wrong, I like having sex with women. But there’s absolutely a certain anatomical absurdity to it, just as there is with having sex with men.

  20. Mr. Wonderful said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:16

    I love it when they talk about “the values of Conservatism,” which are so potent and durable in their sheer absence. More proof, as if any were needed, that what remains of the Republican Party is a cargo cult of jerry-can worshiping Trobrean Islanders murmuring the eternal formulas and scanning the skies for the Big Loud Bird.

  21. Smiling Mortician said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:18

    Rape jokes. Now that’s entertainment.

  22. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:18

    Jennifer said,

    January 22, 2009 at 2:55

    Conservatives will NEVER go bugshit crazy on Obama like Liberals did against Bush, because Conservatives have too much respect for the office and it’s representatives.

    Conservatives have too much respect for the office
    ~

  23. Mr. Wonderful said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:18

    “I don’t recall anyone savaging Laura and the girls, though I could have missed something.”

    Well, I don’t know if “savaging” is the right word, but there was this:

    http://tinyurl.com/bqwasd

  24. Woodrowfan said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:19

    Well, I don’t think Soros and Chomsky went in for the Alex Jones-style MIHOP, FEMA-Death-Camp, “marshall law will be declared” tinfoil nonsense. More often I saw them denounced by the tinfoilheads as “left wing gatekeepers” hiding the people from the twoof! Of course between 1992-2001 the RW indulged all sorts of conspiracy theories about the Clintons and some of the mainstream RWers were happy to egg them on…

  25. ice weasel said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:20

    You know, in one sense who gives a fuck what the dorks at ace’s place say? The election is over. Obama is in office and if ace wasn’t crying like a little girl with a skinned knee, I’d be surprised. This? It doesn’t surprise me at all. In the end, Michelle Obama is the First Lady and pickles is home pouring george another Jack and valium hoping he’ll pass out before he vomits, again.

  26. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:22

    I’m down with printing up a couple million posters of some of Slub’s “Captain Bullshit” photoshops

    Does the fat, pus-y toad mean he’ll put up the money? Or does he just think it’s a good idea?

    Had they any respect for the Office, they’d have left Clinton alone to get his action in peace.

    Which came first, the hypocrisy or the denial?

  27. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:22

    http://www.nypost.com/seven/01212009/news/politics/caroline_kennedy_ends_senate_seat_bid_151234.htm

    Caroline Kennedy tonight withdrew her name from consideration to replace Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Senate after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to choose her, The Post has learned.

    What a courageous withdrawing of her name after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to choose her. When I think of other withdrawings of names down through history, this withdrawing of a name is the most graceful.

  28. g said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:23

    Conservatives have too much respect for the office and it’s representatives.

    Yes, they demonstrated that so well during the Clinton administration.

  29. Interrobang said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:24

    Bush was going to shred the Constitution, suspend the 2008 election (I WISH!!!), lose the war in Iraq horribly, round up dissenters and place them in Internment Camps and use our military to steal the oil of Iraq and other Mideastern Countries.

    So of those five items he only achieved 3.5 of them, and that snotrocket is whining about the left’s expectations being unrealistic? Wow. Hell, 3.5/5, expressed as a percentage, is a better grade than Bush ever got before in his entire miserable life.

    Frankly, I don’t think getting a B- in Right-Wing Shitbaggery is anything much to be proud of…

  30. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:24

    You know, in one sense who gives a fuck what the dorks at ace’s place say?

    In another and more useful sense it’s funny.

  31. Sporkey said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:25

    Ok, I could get behind “Michelle, Meanwhile, Wears Ceremonial T’k’arnanth Klingon Battledress” as an actual funny comment. I don’t agree with it necessarily, but it did make me laugh.

    But the rest? Jesus, did he have to go on? He could have just stopped right there. It’s like he had one great line, passed it by a few friends, and they chuckled…which encouraged him to go completely overboard until they stared at their shoes, and one brave friend suggested that he have another drink, if nothing else, just to get him to shut the fuck up.

    It’s not that Ace has Obama Derangement Syndrome…he just is deranged.

  32. Milo Johnson said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:25

    I guess Ass didn’t realize that Michelle was just making a respectful homage to the ever-stylish Cindy McVicodin:

    http://www.motherjones.com/mojoblog/cindy_mccain_dress.jpg

  33. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:26

    Conservatives have too much respect for the office.

  34. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:26

    the ever-stylish Cindy McVicodin

    Funnier.

  35. Brian X said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:28

    Funny thing…

    -Laura Bush, when she wasn’t being outright ignored, was mostly ridiculed for her absolute lack of personality or impact, rather than her rather bland fashion sense;
    -The Bush girls were crazy party animals who came from a “Family Values” family, and brought ridicule on themselves;
    -Sarah Palin was ridiculed far more for her inept ditziness and screaming hypocrisy than she was for her Clampetts-go-to-Saks fashion sense;
    -Michelle Obama’s outfit looked like it was just about perfect given the bitter cold of the day;
    -Who gives a rat’s ass about First Lady fashion to begin with? It’s not like Michelle is going to get any more slack than Hillary did anyway, so fuck ‘em.

  36. Malaclypse said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:29

    Well, I don’t think Soros and Chomsky went in for the Alex Jones-style MIHOP, FEMA-Death-Camp, “marshall law will be declared” tinfoil nonsense.

    Off topic, but there is no such thing as “marshall law.” “Martial law” is what you are thinking of.

  37. Luna said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:30

    Wow. Disgusting misogyny and racism all wrapped up into one post with absolutely no humour to redeem it at all. What a pig.

    And for what it’s worth, I thought all the Obamas looked quite nice. Michelle’s dress was gorgeous. The girls looked pretty as can be. And Barack… Yum.

    Yanno, suddenly I’m thinking of a President/FL threesome porn story. Hehehehehe…

  38. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:30

    Sarah Palin was ridiculed far more for her inept ditziness and screaming hypocrisy than she was for her Clampetts-go-to-Saks fashion sense

    Subsidized clothing is a dream for all comrades. One day, brothers and sisters, one day…

  39. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:31

    what remains of the Republican Party is a cargo cult of jerry-can worshiping Trobrean Islanders murmuring the eternal formulas and scanning the skies for the Big Loud Birda firm, strong, many & inspiring leader. Like Ronald Reagan.

    Although “Big Loud Bird” is a pretty good description.

  40. Dragon-King Wangchuck, Godless Heathen said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:31

    Well, since I’m in such a good mood – I think we ought to give Ace the benefit of the doubt. He’s a very passionate guy, the things he cares about, he cares very deeply. So perhaps it’s forgivable that he should lash out and act like a small and petty asshole on the very historic day that was yesterday. Emotions were running high – he didn’t really mean it. I’m sure that in the cold light of morning, after a good night’s sleep – he’ll recognize his superficial ugliness.

    Or not. Smug and ignorant buffonery with an extra helping of hypocrisy? He’s soaking in it.

  41. g said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:33

    I won’t click over to his comments, but I can see just from the previews of the comments in the sidebar that they’re going two for one, reviving the Hillary misogyny along with the Michelle misogyny.

    Klassy.

  42. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:33

    Off topic, but there is no such thing as “marshall law.”

    Wrong wrong wrong.

  43. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:38

    Dear Sadlynauts.

    It’s that time again! Time to listen to the ramblings of the wingnuts too kooky for Sadly, No! standards.

    It begins with Dr. Orly Taitz, the dentist who is representing Alan Keyes in his bid to prove that Obama isn’t eligible to be president.

    For those of you that actually read it, you might recall that my last blog entry presented a cogent argument — supported by the Uniform Code of Military Justice, and by military-security rules — for why members of the military should DISOBEY any order issued by Barack Obama. And, specifically, I suggested that its guardians should REFUSE to hand over to Obama the nuclear “football”.

    Intentionally, I back-channeled that blog entry to someone that was previously well-placed in the military intelligence community (but, “officially”, no longer is).

    My hope was that he would help to spread the word among patriotic, law-abiding military members — who could then act as an unofficial “First Team” to slow down the erosion of our country from the White House outward.

    Instead, he apparently passed it along to military cyber-warriors (most likely the 83rd Network Operations Squadron out of Langley AFB, Virginia). And, apparently, they erased my blog.

    Yup, that’s right. this bozo is advocating treason. Merry Sadlymas to you, too.

  44. Dave C said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:39

    I think we should keep in mind that Ace was probably completely drunk and seriously contemplating suicide when he wrote that post, so we should also cut him some slack.

  45. Gundamhead said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:42

    I really don’t need need to hear that kind of shit from fucking Ace of Spades of all people.

    “Michelle Obama is not a good-looking woman, unless you like them “fierce” in the literal, rather than gay-fashion-lingo, sense.”

    What the fuck? That’s almost worse than “Bacon and Play dough”. I really don’t want to know what Ace looks for in “a good looking woman.”

  46. Mr. Wonderful said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:42

    Marshall Law is Shania Law’s husband. Lucky bastard.

  47. D. Sidhe said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:43

    But the rest? Jesus, did he have to go on? He could have just stopped right there. It’s like he had one great line, passed it by a few friends, and they chuckled…which encouraged him to go completely overboard until they stared at their shoes, and one brave friend suggested that he have another drink, if nothing else, just to get him to shut the fuck up.

    Okay, that’s what it was. One crack about the dress, knowing you’re being stupid and catty. (The full embroidery seemed excessive to me, but I also admit I have no taste.) But it’s like a five year old whose first knock knock joke was such a success, he has to tell you every one he knows and then start making new ones up.

    I still maintain Ace is capable of occasional funny, if you don’t get enough exposure to him to realize it’s all the product of staggering misogyny and homophobia. The mentally ill quite often say things that are so outside-of-how-normal-thinks that they morph into a funny observation. Severely dysfunctional schizophrenics do this constantly, in my experience, mostly because they/we have both language and filtering/perception issues. It doesn’t necessarily make them/us* people you want to spend a lot of time with, but there are some funny “she said, you’ll never believe this” anecdotes to be had.

    Meanwhile, “Michelle Obama is not a good-looking person” is just weird as hell. She isn’t? My tastes are indeed wide-ranging, but the woman is, and I think this is not a minority view, hot. I would kill to look like her. She may also be “fierce”, but only men with ego issues find that to be a turn-off, and I assumed they had the common sense not to say it out loud (she says, after observing that Ace’s whole problem is that he doesn’t know enough not to say anything that floats into his brain).

    *I’m schizophrenic, but not severely so. My dysfunctionality is the product of other mental disorders.

  48. Dragon-King Wangchuck, Godless Heathen said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:44

    Umm, RB – first that wasn’t Marshall Law, that was Marshall Fucking Law (from the Preamble – Whereas Marshall Ain’t Getting It On Enough;). Second, what the fuck is wrong with the crowd at Bloodstock? I’ve seen more animated audiences on C-SPAN (but not before yesterday).

  49. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:44

    It begins with Dr. Orly Taitz, the dentist who is representing Alan Keyes in his bid to prove that Obama isn’t eligible to be president.

    Instead, he apparently passed it along to military cyber-warriors (most likely the 83rd Network Operations Squadron out of Langley AFB, Virginia). And, apparently, they erased my blog.

    And now poor Dr. Orly is feeling sad.

  50. Democrashield said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:47

    You mean “count, pointercount.”

  51. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:48

    I still maintain Ace is capable of occasional funny

    The guy can keyboard like nobody’s business so I will concede this in the “monkeys typing until Shakespeare is produced” sense.

  52. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:49

    Second, what the fuck is wrong with the crowd at Bloodstock?

    You watched that? WTF is wrong with you?

  53. owlbear1 said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:49

    Hey, is this mean? Here’s my response to that: Go fuck yourself sideways with a hot brick from a pizza oven.

    The Republican Creed…

  54. Dragon-King Wangchuck, Godless Heathen said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:51

    I’m a sucker for a guy wearing vinyl pants and muscle shirt. Plus I thought it was a link for Tekken.

  55. maryc said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:52

    Hey, is this mean? Here’s my response to that: Go fuck yourself sideways with a hot brick from a pizza oven.

    Well. SOMEONE is one big pile of bitter, bitter, whiney tears.

    Drown in ‘em, asshole.

  56. D. Sidhe said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:52

    RB, MSNBC is now reporting that Caroline Kennedy has *not* withdrawn her name from consideration. So it’s even more fun.

  57. El Cid said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:53

    I am still interested in this Chomsky/Soros wing of the Democratic Party. Has anyone located that yet?

  58. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:57

    I am still interested in this Chomsky/Soros wing of the Democratic Party. Has anyone located that yet?

    YES!!!

  59. Ezzthetic said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:59

    Conservatives have too much respect for the office and it’s representatives

    But none, none, I say, for the correct use of apostrophes.

  60. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:59

    RB, MSNBC is now reporting that Caroline Kennedy has *not* withdrawn her name from consideration.

    What a courageous non-withdrawal of her name after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to choose her. When I think of other non-withdrawals of names down through history, this non-withdrawal of a name is the most graceful.

  61. Smiling Mortician said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:01

    The Republican Creed…
    What, nobody’s gonna run with that? Pikers.

  62. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:02

    You mean “count, pointercount.”

    A good analogy for S,N! style debate

    John: Well Sheila, I guess even you and your liberal cronies have found the light at the end of the tunnel of love with our beloved president. The intellectuals have been much agitated and now, having gotten the presidency by exploiting the problems they themselves have manufactured, he has done his best to fuel their anxieties about him. Sheila, will you and your pack of bleeding heart liberals never learn that expanding welfare roles only accelerate inflation and inevitably hurt most those they purport to help?
    Sheila: Why John, you old stick in the mud. I’ve been listening to that horse shit of yours for months, and you can take that crap and blow it out your ass. And for good measure, sit on THIS, John.

  63. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:02

    Ace, Michelle, and Pamela should get together and make playdoh and bacon hate porn.

    Hey, was that mean?

  64. honus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:03

    I’d like to know where Ace lives so I could go to his house and ask him to repeat that stuff and then kick his ass. For that and appropriating the symbol of a very proud military unit he would never get near.

  65. Dragon-King Wangchuck, Godless Heathen said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:04

    Merry Sadlymas indeed. Kov-hat. That guy may once have lived on the same planet we do, but no longer “officially” does. Anyways, the blackity black helicopters of Obama’s evil Stealth Dissenting Blog Destruction Task Force apparently did a crappy job. Kov-hat’s “DISAPPEARED” article is still on his blog right here. It’s a masterpiece of gas huffing it is. His brilliant legal argument for why military personnel have a duty to disobey commands is based on Crimson Tide.

  66. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:05

    Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:57

    I am still interested in this Chomsky/Soros wing of the Democratic Party. Has anyone located that yet?

    YES!!!

    thenthelightningwill (3 minutes ago)
    AWESOME!1!1ONE!!
    ~

  67. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:05

    The guy can keyboard like nobody’s business

    He got an early start.

  68. Jennifer said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:07

    So of those five items he only achieved 3.5 of them, and that snotrocket is whining about the left’s expectations being unrealistic? Wow. Hell, 3.5/5, expressed as a percentage, is a better grade than Bush ever got before in his entire miserable life.

    Frankly, I don’t think getting a B- in Right-Wing Shitbaggery is anything much to be proud of…

    I think you’re giving him way more misunderestimation than is deserved. 3.5/5, expressed a percentage, is 70% – almost a D.

    BTW, would someone please link me to some explanation for “bacon and play-doh”? I’m embarrassed that I’ve been around here all this time and still don’t know the genesis.

  69. Fozzetti said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:09

    Does this person really think he’s funny? Conservatives can’t do funny.

  70. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:09

    Second, what the fuck is wrong with the crowd at Bloodstock?

    Marshall Fucking Law, that’s what.

  71. Smut Clyde said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:15

    And now poor Dr. Orly is feeling sad.
    Has he been forced to make an Orly flight?

  72. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:16

    BTW, would someone please link me to some explanation for “bacon and play-doh”? I’m embarrassed that I’ve been around here all this time and still don’t know the genesis.

    Why, certainly!!

  73. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:16

    Ace is just angry because his sexual fantasies are no longer in the Whitehouse.

  74. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:17

    Yoo hoo, Jennifer!

    Link as requested.

  75. honus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:19

    Better yet, I’ll take Craig Robinson with me. I have 4 sisters and I know how I would feel if somebody talked about them like that and then told me to fuck myself with a hot brick from a pizza oven.

  76. Matt T. said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:19

    Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 3:33

    Off topic, but there is no such thing as “marshall law.”

    Wrong wrong wrong.

    Hey, leather britches, This Is Spinal Tap wasn’t a documentary. Pointy guitars are rarely a good sign.

  77. Smut Clyde said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:20

    I’ve been around here all this time and still don’t know the genesisitals.
    Fiksed.

  78. bayville said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:22

    Caroline Kennedy tonight withdrew her name from consideration to replace Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Senate after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to choose her, The Post has learned.

    Didn’t Fred Dicker report a couple of days ago she was the pick?
    Oh my God he did: http://www.nypost.com/seven/01192009/news/columnists/caroline_the_certain_pick_for_dave__riva_150822.htm

    Here’s his lede on Jan. 19

    DESPITE claims that he’s still undecided, Gov. Paterson is “certain” to pick Caroline Kennedy to replace Hillary Rodham Clinton in the US Senate, several unhappy contenders for the job have told friends and associates in recent days.

    (his emphasis)

    Dicker has now broken both stories. Give Fred a Pullitzer!

  79. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:22

    I’ve been around here all this time and still don’t know the genesisitals.

    Teh Buttocks!

  80. kc said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:23

    Wow. Classy guy.

  81. D. Sidhe said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:23

    What a courageous non-withdrawal of her name after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to choose her. When I think of other non-withdrawals of names down through history, this non-withdrawal of a name is the most graceful.

    Extremely classy, as the reason for the alleged now-withdrawn alleged withdrawal was how concerned she was about her uncle, and how being there for him would be the most important thing she could do. So, I guess maybe it’s not that big a deal?

    (I admit, I’m just being mean because the Kennedys drive me crazy.)

  82. Jennifer said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:24

    Ok, thanks for the links. It was every bit as disturbed as I expected.

  83. t4toby said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:25

    What a courageous withdrawing of her name after learning that Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to choose her. When I think of other withdrawings of names down through history, this withdrawing of a name is the most graceful.

    It was quite impressive.

    And MAN! Does Marshall Fucking Law suck!

  84. Ref said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:25

    Does anyone know where this fuckwad lives? Speaking of fashion, I think my axe-handle would look really good on his kneecaps.

  85. t4toby said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:27

    Double MAN! Nico sucks too!

  86. Irregardless said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:27

    Jennifer, I cant find the SN! article but read this at Feministe http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2007/04/27/ace-of-spades-fears-the-vagina/

  87. Incontinentia Buttocks said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:28

    Why doesn’t he just come out and say, “I don’t like my women to be negroes”?

    To be fair to Ace, he pretty much doesn’t like his women to be women.

  88. Irregardless said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:28

    Eh, M. Bou beat me to it.

    Carry on.

  89. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:29

    Ace certainly lacks introspection.

    “First Lady Bush — and her daughters — were savaged, as was Sarah Palin.”

    He doesn’t give examples of the alleged savagery, but we can assume he means Couric asking Palin about her reading, for example.

    He then uses this as justification for behaving like a rabid skinhead in heat at a Nazi rally.

    Someone should put a hot brick in his mouth sideways.

  90. Major Kong said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:31

    When conservatives try to do humor it usually just comes off as creepy.

  91. honus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:33

    He’s making rude bukkake-snark about a really attractive woman, thinks pussy is like play doh and bacon, and remarks in print that he doesn’t “dig” cunnulingus. He may not be gay, but I don’t see him getting laid real soon. Maybe by Ann Coulter or Barbara Bush. Was that mean?

  92. Green Eagle said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:35

    I hate to bum you guys out, but I agree with Ace here. Ace, Barack Obama is NOT Ace’s president.

    Ace,next time your city is underwater, or your bridges start collapsing, or your bank disappears with your money, or you need a big tax cut for your favorite multinational corporation, please turn to YOUR president for relief. Write to her at the Alaska governor’s office.

    Oh, by the way, don’t forget to let us know how that works out for you.

  93. El Cid said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:35

    When conservatives try to do humor it usually just comes off as creepy.

    More commonly, when conservatives do something creepy, they try to call it humor.

  94. Woodrowfan said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:39

    Off topic, but there is no such thing as “marshall law.” “Martial law” is what you are thinking of.

    NS. But the tinfoil heads often mis-spelled it “marshall”

  95. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:40

    I have a hunch Ace has read about the birds and the bees (without comprehending) but hasn’t experienced anything yet or even played doctor.

  96. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:41

    More commonly, when conservatives do something creepy, they try to call it humor.

    And they call it humour only after someone’s told them it’s creepy.

  97. Jon H said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:42

    An awful lot of rape in them ‘jokes’ by Ace.

    Is it possible that he’s overcompensating for actually finding Michelle – a black woman – attractive?

  98. Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:43

    Off topic, but there is no such thing as “marshall law.” “Martial law” is what you are thinking of

    That’s crap. Mars is wild, untamed. I’m forming a cadre of Martian knights charged with enforcing Martian law.

  99. Crissa said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:45

    Did he really say he wished Bush suspended the election?

  100. henry lewis said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:46

    Off topic, but there is no such thing as “marshall law.”

    This is Marshall Law

  101. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:52

    It’s very gay of Fugly Ace to critique the first lady’s dress choices. How many straight man without fetishes who dress like Ace notice or care what women are wearing?

  102. John O said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:52

    LOL.

    The moral compass, the situational ethics, the intellectual rigor!

    Ace should run for office. He’s got good wingnut name recognition. Huge base. Just ask him.

  103. Anne Laurie said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:53

    Why doesn’t he just come out and say, “I don’t like my women to be negroes”?

    Why doesn’t he just come out and say, “I don’t like women?” Because if he mouthed off in front of actual female people, as opposed to the eternal pre-adolescents who populate his blogworld, he’d get kicked in the junk on a regular basis. And then punched in the mouth, frequently by the actual male people associating with those female people.

    Of course, Big Swinging Chinline Ace is ragging on Michelle Obama’s looks in the first place because he hasn’t got the courage to type his “humorous” comments about our new President anywhere that the Secret Service might find it. At least us moonbats had the balls to insult Chimpy, the C-Plus Augustus directly.

  104. honus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:54

    he can’t spell “Giger” either
    http://beinart.org/modules/PHP-gallery/gallery_ImageView.php?gallery_id=714&image_id=2228

  105. henry lewis said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:57

    Ace talks like a guy who wears insulated feedlot boots, sweat pants, and a 1987 navy blue, purple and dayglo green ski jacket around town. I guess that makes him a fashion authority.

  106. PeeJ said,

    January 22, 2009 at 4:59

    Counterpoint: Ace, you ignorant slut.

  107. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:03

    Hey, thethunder beat me.

    Carry on carrying on!

  108. Smut Clyde said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:08

    And MAN! Does Marshall Fucking Law suck!
    Don’t tell us, tell him.

  109. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:11

    For Kennedy-crazed D. Sidhe, & anyone else who’d like to peep.

  110. honus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:13

    “Geiger” may have worked in play doh and bacon, but Giger doesn’t:
    http://beinart.org/modules/PHP-gallery/gallery_ImageView.php?gallery_id=714&image_id=2228

  111. DrDick said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:14

    Good ol’ Ace, always the classiest racist fuckwit Rethug in town.

  112. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:36

    I’m not saying she’s bulky, but is she wearing a coat, or is that the jibsail from a gay pirate ship?

    I can see Ace on a gay pirate ship.

    The NR cruise experience:
    Luxurious Euro-Top beds and premium linens

    Daily housekeeping to tidy belongings and keep staterooms immaculate

    Large, extra-fluffy Egyptian cotton towels

    Lighted magnifying mirrors; massage shower-heads; salon-quality hair dryers

    Luxurious terry cloth bathrobes

    Televisions with DVD and VCR players

    GenerASS storage

    Complimentary fresh fruit

    Complimentary 24-hour!!! in-room dining

    Nightly turndown service

    Complimentary shoeshine service

  113. Bina said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:40

    I think we should keep in mind that Ace was probably completely drunk and seriously contemplating suicide when he wrote that post, so we should also cut him some slack.

    And also pour him another stiff one, and then empty the pill bottle in his slack and gaping mouth, then tilt it back, and BOTTOMS UP!

  114. DrDick said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:50

    so we should also cut him some slack.

    Actually, I think we should cut his sack, provided we can find it.

  115. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:55

    (I admit, I’m just being mean because the Kennedys drive me crazy.)

    Yeah. Being a member of an imperial family is not a qualification for anything.

  116. PeeJ said,

    January 22, 2009 at 5:56

    Roll me over, roll me over,
    Roll me over buy me a beer and do it again.

    film @ 11

  117. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:00

    I think we should keep in mind that Ace was probably completely drunk and seriously contemplating suicide when he wrote that post, so we should also cut him some slack.

    Honestly, Ace is handling the inauguration better than I expected him to.

  118. DrDick said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:10

    Honestly, Ace is handling the inauguration better than I expected him to.

    I don’t think he has actually sobered up enough yet to realize what has happened.

  119. Bina said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:14

    Ace is like Cloony the Clown.

    Remarkably like him, in fact.

  120. 4jkb4ia said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:14

    You see, this kind of behavior will let Obama be all about the bipartisanship. Just by being Barack Obama, a classy person, he will expose these people for how small and mean they really are.

  121. Bina said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:15

    Ace of Spades = Cloony the Clown.

  122. Bina said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:16

    Ace of Spades = Cloony the Clown.

    Shel Silverstein would weep.

  123. DrDick said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:34

    Shel Silverstein would weep.

    Hell, Ace makes baby Jeebus and all the angels weep every time he says something.

  124. Fred Hampton said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:36

    im surprised i havent heard this asked yet:

    has the presidential limousine always been a cadillac, or is that a new development?

  125. ron said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:41

    laura bush’s guide to republican glamour.

    pretty savage.

  126. ron said,

    January 22, 2009 at 6:43

    A true lady is always worried about showing up in public in the same outfit as someone else. Avoid this potential problem by completing your Liz Claiborne stretch slacks with a Butterick jacket you can make yourself using fabric from an old lilac bridesmaid’s dress.
    –Laura

    http://www.bettybowers.com/fl2.html

  127. Goseph Gerbils said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:03

    No, Ass of Spuds, you can’t play the fucking revenge card. Why? Because you did it first; remember Hillary Clinton?

    What’s that you say? Teh Librulz shouldn’t have been mean to George the Turd’s offspring; the chilluns should be off limits? Golly gee, you didn’t feel like that when Chelsea Clinton was dossing in the White House.

    You got nothin’,. Why don’t you dress yourself up as a 12-year-old Dominican boy and introduce yourself to Rush Limbaugh? (See, that was a sort of rape joke. I don’t like them at all myself, even the ones set in prison, but I’m trying to work on your wavelength.)

  128. Me said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:05

    If you went back and chronicled the claims made by the Chomsky/Soros Wing of the Democratic Party over the last 8 years, Bush was going to shred the Constitution,

    This just in: the NSA has been listening to your every word for the past 8 years (yes, even if you’re nobody):

    http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/1/22/002/24210/125/687385

  129. jim said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:10

    I for one can definitely see the humor value in that picture … oh man … can you imagine if Laura & George had ever had the stones to pull a crazy stunt like that on one of HIS inaugurations? The Bushes going on foot down Pennsylvania Avenue in broad daylight? They’d've wound up looking like walking raw omelets!

    Ace? Funny? Oh please, someone get Warrior Boy a fucking calendar already. Klingon jokes are so 1989. THAT shit makes me want to spit on the flag, roll up my throat & start hoisting sleeves.

    He couldn’t be funny going arse-over-teakettle from slipping on one of his own comerags.

  130. g said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:13

    f you went back and chronicled the claims made by the Chomsky/Soros Wing of the Democratic Party over the last 8 years, Bush was going to shred the Constitution,

    Never mind about that habeus thingummy, we don’t really need that.

  131. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:27

    Fred Hampton said,
    January 22, 2009 at 6:36

    im surprised i havent heard this asked yet:

    has the presidential limousine always been a cadillac, or is that a new development?

    My long & aging memory tells me the Prez’s ride has been a Lincoln at one time or another.

    And Fred, how’s the Black Panther thing working out for you?

  132. M. Bouffant said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:31

    memory … returns …

    Wasn’t Kennedy in a Lincoln when he (Kennedy) was plugged?

    Lincoln was in a Ford when he got plugged, wasn’t he?

  133. PeeJ said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:31

    This just in: the NSA has been listening to your every word for the past 8 years (yes, even if you’re nobody):

    I can’t tell you just how I know this. Well I could but, you know…. Anyway, that aint the half of it.

    Which is why, several years ago, I agitated to get everyone to spice every electronic communication (and these days, what aint?) whether voice, text or mooslahmicqueerofascticsteganographicpr0nical, with liberally but judiciously sprinkled phrases guaranteed to trigger “false” leads.

    “Yeah the communist party at Julie’s Friday was great though we didn’t plan the bomb placement of the big thang very well.

    And so on. Again, I can’t tell why it is I know this but it would have overwhelmed …um….certain surveilllance systems pretty effectively.

    I am happy to say I have no personal responsibility for enabling such systems to exist. I am also ashamed to say that I never did anything to prevent or preclude them in the first place.

    mea culpa

  134. PeeJ said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:34

    PS – it’s been going for much more than the past eight years. It’s only in the last eight or so years they’ve gotten really fucking good at it.

  135. Zuzu's Petals said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:34

    Presidential families are generally off-limits for that sort of vitriol.

    Unless of course, you’re Hillary and Chelsea Clinton.

  136. G said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:37

    The short, bighead white guy is calling someone ugly?

    Isn’t that the LEAST ATTRACTIVE person in the pantheon of LEAST ATTRACTIVE people? Isn’t he the LAST guy that should be saying anything?

    Sigh.

  137. ahem said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:41

    Ace is so scared of vaginas that he disguised his face as one.

  138. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 22, 2009 at 7:43

    Zuzu: Frankly, I’m not sure Carter’s family ever got a bit of good grace either.

    Then again, even I, pillar of sensitivity, can’t pass up a snicker at ‘Billy Beer’.

  139. Lesley said,

    January 22, 2009 at 8:41

    Klingon jokes are so 1989

    Come again?.

  140. Smut Clyde said,

    January 22, 2009 at 8:49

    Excuse me while I assess Ace’s remarks on the level of gutter-minded, potty-mouthed invective — this being my special area of invective.
    Michelle, Meanwhile, Wears Ceremonial T’k’arnanth Klingon Battledress.
    8/10. [not that I have any idea what fan-boy stuff he is on about]. More of a compliment than an insult, mind you, what with the implications of staunchness and honour.

    I didn’t realize Lt. Worf was so “hippy.” The Dodge Viper looks up to her for having a wide rear wheelbase.
    I’m not saying she’s bulky, but is she wearing a coat, or is that the jibsail from a gay pirate ship?
    I don’t want to say she looks immense in that gold circus-costume, but Auric Goldfinger just had a stroke-inducing orgasm.

    3/10. Fail in the absence of any evidence that the target is actually bigger-boned than usual. Say more about the source than the target. In particular, why should the ship bearing this jobsail be specifically associated with gay pirates?

    I don’t want to be bitchy, but Michelle Obama looks like she just got a full-body bukake from 30 horny couches.
    4/10. Fails at the metaphoric level. I have no problem AT ALL with visualising 30 horny couches masturbating to orgasm, but then the jibe takes it for granted that these couches would ejaculate some manner of fabric, and at this point my suspension of disbelief breaks down. It makes no sense in terms of how I imagine furniture physiology to operate. There is a disconnect between the elements of the metaphor.

    The whole tirade is a problem, though. It reeks of [child psychologist] externalising symptoms and oppositional / defiant behaviour [/child psychologist]. It is as if his friends or his conscience warned Ace that “This is not the right time to be doin’ the dozens on the wife of our newly-hired high-ranking governmental employee,” and his immediate reaction was YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

  141. Anonymous Miguel said,

    January 22, 2009 at 8:59

    I saw Ace at his little party he had in Boston.

    He was a pretty insignificant human being himself. Just like his blog.

  142. Zuzu's Petals said,

    January 22, 2009 at 9:19

    The guy can keyboard like nobody’s business so I will concede this in the “monkeys typing until Shakespeare is produced” sense.

    No kidding. Guy gets points for the sheer number and variety of sockpuppets alone.

  143. uberuber said,

    January 22, 2009 at 9:24

    ahem,
    insult vaginas like that again and I’ll kick your fucking ass, dude.

    Ace’s face is more like the static version of the visceral remnants of ‘Two girls, One Cup’. Or the classic goatse.

  144. opie_jeanne said,

    January 22, 2009 at 9:36

    Psshhyeah, Ace, you never saw the right with their He’s not my president bumper stickers when Clinton was in the White House because your side respects the office too much….. hmmm?

  145. Marco said,

    January 22, 2009 at 11:40

    Here’s shitbag Ace in another post from Inauguration Day, after Bush was helicoptered out to a chorus of Na Na Hey Hey. I’d link but, do you really care?

    “So, I know there are a lot of readers (not just trolls) who think we, collectively, should be above this, but most conservatives are in fact bending over backwards with politeness. I’m not in the fucking mood. And besides, there is room for at least some nasty carping.” ACE IP FREELY

    So remember winguts, stay true to your “principles” and respect the office of POTUS, unless you’re not in the mood. Then it’s hissy fits away.

    Also, make as many references to science fiction and fantasy works as possible (he goes LOTR in the post referenced here to bash Michelle).

    Nothing says “I’m a fucking nerd who hasn’t seen the sun or a woman’s face in years” quite like that.

  146. kiki said,

    January 22, 2009 at 15:59

    I’m down with printing up a couple million posters of some of Slub’s “Captain Bullshit” photoshops

    Ooh, he’s ‘down’ with that. Ace is ‘down with that’. He’s ‘down’, y’all. ‘Down’.

    Better watch the negro gutter talk, Ace. I’m sure you’ve had members of your whackadoo readership desert you for less.

  147. Sporkey said,

    January 22, 2009 at 16:40

    has the presidential limousine always been a cadillac, or is that a new development?

    Yes. And the spinners and hydraulics have always been there too.

    Fails at the metaphoric level. I have no problem AT ALL with visualising 30 horny couches masturbating to orgasm, but then the jibe takes it for granted that these couches would ejaculate some manner of fabric, and at this point my suspension of disbelief breaks down. It makes no sense in terms of how I imagine furniture physiology to operate. There is a disconnect between the elements of the metaphor.

    Exactly. It could have worked, but it didn’t. And that’s sad. I mean, there’s really nothing wrong with saying that the couches attacked her or something. Couches ejaculating belongs with a different joke. And the curtains joke, while approaching funny, could have been way funnier. Not even a phrase on where the curtain rod is? Or for the cheap shot of a Scarlett O’Hara joke?

  148. chocolatepie said,

    January 22, 2009 at 16:56

    I have no problem AT ALL with visualising 30 horny couches masturbating to orgasm, but then the jibe takes it for granted that these couches would ejaculate some manner of fabric, and at this point my suspension of disbelief breaks down. It makes no sense in terms of how I imagine furniture physiology to operate. There is a disconnect between the elements of the metaphor.

    Exactly what I was thinking.

  149. D.N. Nation said,

    January 22, 2009 at 17:02

    Yes, we all need to be lectured on teh hawtness from someone who looks like Ace.

  150. Jersey Tomato said,

    January 22, 2009 at 17:24

    Does this idiot have no mirrors in his home? How does anybody who looks like Ace have the nerve to comment on anybody else’s appearance? Really – before worrying about Michelle Obama, maybe he ought to do something about his moobs, his freakishly small end effeminate hands, his extra chins (not hidden by the face mullet) and the spare tire that has prevented him from seeing his own goodies in the last decade.

  151. SpareTirade said,

    January 22, 2009 at 19:18

    Ace of Spades: the Mr. Blackwell of the Cheetoh-Eaters

    As for what he looks for in a “good-looking woman?” That’s easy – a beard.

  152. Celia said,

    January 22, 2009 at 19:30

    Medical fact: Michelle Obama is beautiful.

  153. gewbur said,

    January 22, 2009 at 20:41

    Tsk tsk.

    Tut tut.

    The Kings and Queens of Leftwing Nastiness are heaping scorn on Ace for a little good-natured ribbing of the FLOTUS.

    “Good-natured”, at least, when compared to the bile, vomit, and up-front, in-your-face assassination fantasies and “art” coming from your side the last eight years.

    My my my, the irony of it all. So ironic my Ronco™ Iro-Meter© has shut down, packed its bags, and left the building.

  154. Shaggy said,

    January 22, 2009 at 21:05

    Is it a coincidence that cracker Ace has another sex story on his website this morning?

    It’s a story full of nasty ‘giners and stuff!! Ick!

    Do you think he is trying to defend what he sees as his (hetero?)sexual prowess AGAIN?

    Lovely coincidence. He is a nasty, lying piece of work, as are his minions.

  155. tigrismus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 21:23

    Personally, I don’t mind dishing on the first lady’s fashion sense(I mean, ye Gods, Lumpy Laura’s was so bad it was the stuff of legend), but when he disses the coat he is just WRONG. Not crazy about the matchy-matchy sheath, or the green gloves and shoes(no, just NO) but that coat is fanfuckingtastic.

  156. Smut Clyde said,

    January 22, 2009 at 21:56

    But there’s absolutely a certain anatomical absurdity to it, just as there is with having sex with men.
    If there is NOT a certain anatomical absurdity to sex, then ur doin it rong.

  157. Dragon-King Wangchuck, Godless Heathen said,

    January 22, 2009 at 21:57

    4/10. Fails at the metaphoric level. I have no problem AT ALL with visualising 30 horny couches masturbating to orgasm, but then the jibe takes it for granted that these couches would ejaculate some manner of fabric, and at this point my suspension of disbelief breaks down. It makes no sense in terms of how I imagine furniture physiology to operate. There is a disconnect between the elements of the metaphor.
    That fucking hurt, I laughed so hard.

    For your furniture physiology education:
    http://www.furnitureporn.com/

  158. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 22, 2009 at 22:12

    I didn’t realize Lt. Worf was so “hippy.” The Dodge Viper looks up to her for having a wide rear wheelbase.

    Somebody should let Ace know that a natural-born female tends to have wide hips for evolutionarily advantageous reasons.

    Does anybody here have the heart to tell Ace that TS in those ads doesn’t mean “Total Service” and that the reason his hirelings didn’t “Pass him the V” was not because they took Purity Pledges?

  159. Turbine Yukon Palin said,

    January 22, 2009 at 22:32

    Paying any attention to opinions about looks and/or fashion from Ace is slighly less pointless than trying to get grooming tips from a soft-boiled egg.

  160. tigrismus said,

    January 22, 2009 at 22:38

    It’s not like Ace isn’t draggin’ a wide load his own damn self, either. I bet his ass is close to a Pinkwater wide.

  161. gil mann said,

    January 22, 2009 at 23:08

    The distinguished gentleman from the great state of Missing the Point would like to remind Ace et al. that everyone, regardless of party affiliation, agreed that Palin was pretty hot.

    Again, not the point and well-nigh antithetical to it, but if they’re gonna do a tit-for-tat thing, it seemed worth mentioning.

  162. brantl said,

    January 23, 2009 at 0:00

    Anybody remember that Laura Bush actually ran over a guy and killed him, and didn’t even get probation for it? She should have been raked over the coals. Shit!

  163. Todd said,

    January 23, 2009 at 2:35

    haha the Chomsky/Soros wing? yes, the leftist academic and the bazillionaire currency speculator. that’s quite a wing, dude.

  164. Doctorb said,

    January 23, 2009 at 4:10

    You stay classy, Ace. Anyway, now that Laura’s no longer First Lady she can replace Heath Ledger in the next Batman (baDUM-tsch). No, no, I kid, but seriously Ace: George Lucas wants you to know a beard is not a substitute for a jawline.

  165. Ramil Gulle said,

    January 23, 2009 at 7:16

    The scathing comments about Michelle Obama’s physique and fashion sense betray one thing:

    The writer is an insecure, self-hating, closeted gay bitch.

  166. F'in Librul said,

    January 23, 2009 at 7:44

    Shana, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let ‘em crash!

  167. Tehanu said,

    January 24, 2009 at 10:22

    I never click the links. I never click the links. There’s a reason (Goddammit!) I never click the links. Gavin, I love you, but how could you make me forget NEVER TO CLICK THE LINKS???!!!!!!

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