Jan
20
20
Shorter Michelle Malkin
Feel the post-racialism: “My president is black, but his house is all white”
- Because all black people think alike, these lyrics by Jay-Z prove that Obama hates white people.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Nimrod Gently said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:47
Michelle Malkin calling someone a racist. That’s the pot calling the kettle a nigger if I ever saw it.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:49
Michelle Malkin makes the KKK seem tolerant.
Rusty Shackleford said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:51
Shorter every conservative: RACE WAR!!!!!
Jennifer said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:51
A Beltway liberal journalist thinks America’s racial atmosphere is “less poisonous” than it was in the late 80s and early 90s. Homie, please.
Not if Michelle has anything to say about it.
Davis said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:52
Don’t you get it? The liberals who applauded Brown v. Board of Education and supported the Civil Rights Act of 1964 are the real racists, not MM.
Rusty Shackleford said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:57
One of Malkin’s commenters referred to Jay-Z as an “obscure rapper,” right before noting that this is what we would expect from “them.”
Probably refers to Tiger Woods as an “obscure golfer” too.
Michael G. said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:01
That’s a nice hat! Also, as to less poisonous, I recall the 90′s as free of any race riots, especially in LA. And the 80′s … it’s not like the Republicans were carrying the torch for apartheid South Africa. No way. Yes, those were golden years when we all got along.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:03
Today it is PARTY HAT WINGNUT Head Explosion day!
IT IS TO FUNNY FOREVER!
Righteous Bubba said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:04
Obviously, then, this television show proves Malkin’s a torturer.
WereBear said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:09
Yes, Michelle, by all means pretend that all Caucasians are in danger from people with just an extra drop of melanin. That will help you get that Fox gig. Rlly. Iz tru.
Michael G. said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:10
Jennifer — I keep laughing about that comment. MM will never see it, though.
Freelancer said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:14
Uhm,
Fatwa Malkin does know she’s not white, right?
Somebody better tell her before she stirs all the real murkins into a rabid frenzy and then looses them, shouting RACE WAR!
I can just picture the egg on her saucer-eyed face when some scorned and oppressed Christian, Palin-Voter mob approaches menacingly with shotguns and torches, having confused her with a stereotypical Korean shopkeeper, albeit one with tourettes.
Rusty Shackleford said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:15
From another of Malkin’s commenters:
Words fail.
The Goddamn Batman Is Kickin' It Gotham Stylee, Yo said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:25
I’m not saying that I’m tempted to look up Malkin’s phone number and pretend to be Chuck D offering to compose a voice mail message for her, with the possible participation of Flavor Flav. But, I’m not saying that I’m not tempted, either, if you pick up what I’m putting down.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:26
35 minutes.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:29
I hope Troofie loaded up on Depends or maybe in his case Pull-Ups, because he’s going to be shitting the bed when this all comes down. A lot!
TomMil said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:31
I know I shouldn’t doubt you but I clicked the link and it’s hard to believe someone could be that obtuse but the “shorter” you provide here is right on the money.
Legalize said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:36
Michelle, Barrack Hussein Obama will be the next president of the United States in a about 30 minutes or so. He is black, by the way. Kindly, fuck off and die. :)
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:40
Have they swore Biden in yet? Is the long dark reign of Cheney over? Oh frubjous day, Caloooh Callay!!!
owlbear1 said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:42
History, bitches.
Froley said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:47
Where’s the interview of Charlie Daniels for the white people’s perspective?
That commenter calling Jay-Z “obscure” is one of the most hilarious things I’ve read. Seriously, what pop culture-deprived universe does that guy live in?
alec said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:51
Apropos of nothing, allow me to reintroduce how the Pravda editorial board sees the world these days.
Eric (an halibut) said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:52
Rick Warren is a long-winded douchebag, isn’t he?
Just hit us with the Lord’s Prayer and never mind the other stuff. Fuckin’ hell.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:52
Seven minutes of national humiliation still to endure.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:54
Five.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:55
Four.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:56
Three.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:57
Two.
Eric (an halibut) said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:58
One?
Here we go.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:58
One. (Last sixty seconds.)
Dobby said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:58
Republican respect for the office of Commander-in-Chief to expire in 3 … 2 … 1 …
Eric (an halibut) said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:58
No, some music first…
tigrismus said,
January 20, 2009 at 18:59
Obviously, then, this television show proves Malkin’s a torturer.
Also, the existence of Imelda Marcos proves Malkin has enough shoes to fill a warehouse.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:00
Best Tuesday since Nov. 4, 2008.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:00
It’s over.
N.C. said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:03
Or is it?
Gary Ruppert said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:04
It’s 12:05, and we have no President.. and now we have a Kenyan usurping the White House
Eric (an halibut) said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:05
Fuckin’ A, bubba.
Befouled Waters said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:05
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:06
The US Presidency is now a Dubya-free Zone. And who better to preside over the transition than Little Miss Pouty up the top there. Woot!
Eric (an halibut) said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:06
Which is to say, Fuck You Gary Ruppert You Lame Ass Troll!
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, motherfucker.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:08
Gary, you misspelt “uslurp”.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:08
Here come da Prez. Suck it, Malkin.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:09
And suck it, Racist Ruppert.
Gary Ruppert said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:15
Obama couldn’t even take the oath in the legal fashion. Roberts kept having to repeat lines to him.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:15
This is fantastic. I’m so happy I actually clicked the Malkin link. And the Michelle Malkin site was in my browser and I DIDN’T CARE. And I read what she had to say and I laughed out loud in her fat face.
Barack Obama. He really must be The One.
Legalize said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:17
“The time for silly things is over.” That’s you, Twoofie. That’s you, Malkin.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:18
Obama couldn’t take the Oath in the normal way because HE IS THE OATH.
owlbear1 said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:21
The ‘buffering’ certainly lessens the impact.
Andrew said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:22
Obama is now, officially, the Fourth member of the Holy Trinity.
I understand now why people are saying his presidency has failed. Because clearly he is omnipotent: all acknowledge that. So if all our problems are unsolved, it must be because he is not willing to solve them. QED!!
OneMadClown said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:25
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! IT IS DONE!!!!!
Expect the truck to transport you to the Islamogaybortion Camp for Wingnut Re-education and Dirty Bad Fun later this afternoon, Gare-bear.
klyde said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:27
For racist rupert, troofie and the other trolls:
Today is:
THE BEST DAY EVER
Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me
Said “it’s gonna be a good one, just wait and see”
Jumped out of bed, and I ran outside
Feeling so ecstatic, satisfied.
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
I’m so busy, got nothing to do
Spent the last 2 hours just tying my shoe
Every flower, every grain of sand
Is reaching out out to shake my hand
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
Sometimes the little things start closing in on me
When I’m feeling down, I wanna lose that frown
I stick my head out the window and look around
Those crowds don’t scare me, they can’t disguise
Its magic that’s happening right before my eyes
Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright
So the best day ever can last all night
Yeah, the best day ever’s gonna last all night, now.
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:28
Wait. Didn’t Jack Bauer come running in with Obama’s real birth certificate showing that he was actually born in a poppy field in Afghanistan? You’d have thunk that after torturing the evil mastermind Soros for the past 23.5 hours, he’d have gotten the incriminating document.
Wasn’t there a point where Rick Warren said “If anyone has any objections..” And then Hugo Chavez shows up and saying “Stop this inauguration, Barry can’t President America, he’s already Presidenting Venezuela!” Ooooohhhh, SNAP! And then Kim Jong Il says “Venezuela, Barrys already the father of the New Republic of Black Korea – get your hands offa ma man, skank!” Oooooohhhh, DOUBLE SNAP!
Legalize said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:30
I’ve volunteered with my local Islamohomofication office to transport wingnuts to the de-stupidification camp in my liberal fascism district.
kc said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:34
You lose, Michelle.
OneMadClown said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:38
That’s the spirit of volunteerism that our illustrious Black Overlord’s been talking about, Legalize. I salute you, and flash my liberal fascist decoder ring!
Jennifer said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:52
Was anyone else watching as they showed everyone moving through the Capitol to the stage? Bush looked absolutely terrified, and I wondered for a split second why…then it hit me…there weren’t any “free speech zones” set up blocks away. And then I started to hear the booing, which he probably was already hearing, hence the look on his face.
The commentators were all tsk-tsking about what “bad form” it was for the crowd to be booing the outgoing president. Me, I’m thinking, hey, he’s been shitting on them for 8 years and this is the first time they’ve ever had the opportunity to let him know exactly how they feel about that, and him.
I also noticed a look cross his face when Obama pwn3d him on his torture regime. I think that was one of the biggest applause lines in the speech.
Good riddance, bitch.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:02
I repeat, for the hard of thinking: SUCK IT, RACIST RUPPERT.
g said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:03
Is it me or does she look like a LOLcat without the LOL?
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:06
…there weren’t any “free speech zones” set up blocks away. And then I started to hear the booing…
Wow, I missed that. The audio I was hearing was not all that clean, and possibly from mikes that weren’t picking it up. I’ll have to see if I can find a recording with it in.
Bush does get SS protection as a former president, IIRC, but he no longer has the luxury of bringing 1000 soldiers, attack helicopters, tanks, &c. with him everywhere he goes. I suppose he can keep the “bubble” going and only speak to crowds that are pre-screened.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:08
No, LOLcats are cute.
James K. Polk, Esq. said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:20
Just got my UPS delievery of burqas. Can’t wait till B. Hussien issues the orders that woman aren’t allowed to expose the bridges of their noses anymore…
/cause a chadri is too slutty.
Major Kong said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:34
I don’t know what I’m looking forward to more, the Sharia law or the Soviet-style Communism. Which way is Mecca comrades?
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:34
I’ve always viewed the emergence of black culture as a child growing up.
This is so failtastic that it’s actually funny. I imagine this bunghole listens to Elvis Presley on teh 8-track.
Poor Michelle Malkin, nee Manananggal, the post-racial society in which she could become more than just a water-carrier for the white patriarchal dominance structure has come to pass, and her usefulness as said water-carrier has come to its conclusion.
She does have a bright future in fetish-p0rn, though.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:35
I’ve always viewed the emergence of black culture as a child growing up.
Except that for Malkin, “culture” = “turd”, so her future is in bukkake.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:36
I don’t know what I’m looking forward to more, the Sharia law or the Soviet-style Communism
Why not have both? We could pass Twain around the room like an inflatable toy girl.
Oh. Sharia. Sorry.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:41
Sorry, HREF FAIL
The librul Islamofascists can take my pork chop when they pry it out of my hot, greasy hands.
Galactic Dustbin said,
January 20, 2009 at 20:59
I don’t know what I’m looking forward to more, the Sharia law or the Soviet-style Communism
Why not have both? We could pass Twain around the room like an inflatable toy girl.
Oh. Sharia. Sorry.
No, No. I like where you are going…
Let the Islamohomofication of America begin! Free government abortions for all!
Major Kong said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:03
Oh. Sharia. Sorry.
Shania Law is where Twain rules over us like a cruel dominatrix. Mind you that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
conspiracy to hide that gummybears are grown on the moon said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:17
How long before goopers say Obama taint preznit cuz he muffed the oath?
dave said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:18
Sorry, goopers…it was ROBERTS who muffed the oath.
dave said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:21
Roberts probably thought that martial law was going to set in at any moment, and wasn’t quite prepared for when it didn’t.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:23
Remind me again: Why IS that sorry shitsack even on the SCOTUS, let alone in charge of it?
Rip Van Winkle said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:34
*ssnnoorrrrkkk*
Huuu….
What? Did I just miss something?
alec said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:35
The Harriet Miers effect: if you want to paint your own shit on the walls, try offering to serve it for dinner first.
Dreamweasel said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:39
I’m sorry, but that Photoshopped tinfoil-hatted Malkin just looks adorable in a baby-Rottweiler kinda way.
“Who’s a vicious little conspiracy theorist? Yes you are! YES YOU ARE!”
Legalize said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:47
I think it’s very clever how Malkin’s commenters uniformly refer to hip hop as “(c)rap” music. That’s very clever. How’s that workin’ out, Malkintents? Being clever.
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:55
Personally, every time I scroll past her sadsack face with the tinfoil crown, I’m reminded of a prom queen jilted by her boyfriend after the ceremony.
jim said,
January 20, 2009 at 21:57
I LOL’ed.
So, the first association Malkin makes when she thinks of Obama being sworn in as POTUS is with a rapper? Check it out, bro – Malkin puts fail in her fail so you can mock her while you mock her! Damn, girl, you just don’t get out much, do you now?
It’s just a given that her army of drones is going to agree with whatever surreal shit she posts, but … wow. Is this an attempt to inspire laughter – or pity?
Frankly, I’m just not feelin’ the pity for her – especially not today.
g said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:04
Can we have another name for her? I really hate having to write “Michelle” when it means Malkin and not Obama.
And who’s impersonating me up above?
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:08
Shania Law is where Twain rules over us like a cruel dominatrix. Mind you that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
She hinted at it in that hideous and pale imitation of a beerhouse song “Feel Like A Woman” or “Feel Up A Woman”, whatever that video was.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:08
Can we have another name for her? I really hate having to write “Michelle” when it means Malkin and not Obama.
Mickey. I vote Mickey. Mickey Malkin makes her sound all Disney and shit.
g said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:19
She’s suddenly a scholar on the “emergence” of black culture, which, according to her is going through “adolescence” in the 1980s.
1980s. Right.
Malkin, I see you’re new here.
Dr. Squid said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:39
Who wants to scour the Letters to the Editor for letters that say that President Obama’s first act should be to resign?
I’m guessing about 40% of conservatives said that on Clinton’s inauguration day.
Dr. Squid said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:41
Mickey. I vote Mickey. Mickey Malkin makes her sound all Disney and shit.
There’s already a Michelle Malkin who [at least used to] post at alt.atheism and called herself Mickey.
Matt T. said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:49
’ve always viewed the emergence of black culture as a child growing up.
And he starts with the ’80s. Fucking white people, I swear. Hope this ding-a-ling never comes across Ishmael Reed or Dick Gregory or Richard Pryor or Zora Neale Hurston or Skip James or Billie Holliday. The fuck this asshole think black folks have been doing for the past couple centuries, watching television?
It’s gonna be eight years of embarassing honkies, ain’t it?
Clueless Honky said,
January 20, 2009 at 22:56
Latin culture started with the George Lopez show, didn’t it?
Blue Raven said,
January 20, 2009 at 23:05
I may be an SPF 50 user myself, but I expect to be adept at referring to someone as a “stupid-ass cracker” within six months from now.
chimpevil gone said,
January 20, 2009 at 23:19
Mickey. I vote Mickey. Mickey Malkin makes her sound all Disney and shit.
sick twisted witch would work also
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 23:20
I may be an SPF 50 user myself, but I expect to be adept at referring to someone as a “stupid-ass cracker” within six months from now.
According to the Genographic Project, I can trace my deep ancestry back to the savannahs of Kenya, so I consider myself a black Finn American.
Smut Clyde said,
January 20, 2009 at 23:38
I go along with the general Scandiwegian suspicion that no-one knows where Finns came from, but one day the Mother Ship will arrive to take them all home again.
actor212 said,
January 20, 2009 at 23:42
We are kind of the boil on the bum of Scandahoovia
Principal Blackman said,
January 20, 2009 at 23:43
Latin culture started with the George Lopez show, didn’t it?
Actually, I think it started with “La Bamba,” which was first recorded in 1987 (don’t believe that RIchie Valens 1958 bullshit–that’s a hoax).
JPrice Vincenz said,
January 21, 2009 at 0:14
“That commenter calling Jay-Z “obscure” is one of the most hilarious things I’ve read. Seriously, what pop culture-deprived universe does that guy live in?”
When I’ve actually had conversations with rightwingers about the “cultural decline,” I always take away how clueless and out-of-touch they are.
This was probably almost a year ago, in a link from a good site to Freerepublic or whatever the f+ck it’s called, and it was about that godd+mned liberal Sarah Silverman and the episode about her dating and then sleeping with (Black) God. (Very funny episode, IMO.) After a few dozen angry screeds about Silverman, it became elegy time and I sh+t you not the commenters began going back and forth about the good old days of comedy when Red Skelton and Jackie Gleason made “real comedy.” Dozens of comments lamented the cultural loss of that era’s comedic giants.
That was when I really understood that the demo of the enemy was some old white motherf+cker with entitilitis (For a definition, go to 7 mins 45 seconds of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA6Z0LGqkkA) in his 60s or early 70s, and aside from a useless pr+ck like Ben Domenech or Jonah Loadpants, just waiting for them to expire was the easiest form of resistance for me.
It’s kind of impressive that she even knows who Jay-Z is.
Snowwy said,
January 21, 2009 at 0:20
sick twisted witch would work also
All us sick, twisted Witches would be objectin’ to that straight away, mate.
GSD said,
January 21, 2009 at 0:20
Michelle Malkin looks like she has a shrimp toast on her head.
-GSD
tigrismus said,
January 21, 2009 at 0:21
I have to admit, I do miss Ernie Kovacs.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
January 21, 2009 at 0:46
Hey, I have been harping on this quite a bit, but the proper nickname for her is Manananggal .
Not only does it bear a superficial resemblance to her maiden name, the Manananggal is often confused with the Wak Wak, which would be another good nickname for her.
chimpevil gone said,
January 21, 2009 at 0:51
All us sick, twisted Witches would be objectin’ to that straight away, mate.
no offense dawg
Ref said,
January 21, 2009 at 1:07
I’m a leftist, feminist male, so I must apologize in advance. She’s nothing but a sour little cunt who should be beaten soundly every time she opens her mouth.
JPrice Vincenz said,
January 21, 2009 at 2:10
“I have to admit, I do miss Ernie Kovacs.” That sh+t is funny, Tsigmaris or whatever the hell your name is. Myself, I miss the Marx Bros., but I roll old school like my obscure pal Dre.
Miguel de Icaza said,
January 21, 2009 at 2:18
I for one, missed the Michelle Malkin coverage and applaud its return.
Todd said,
January 21, 2009 at 3:15
yea geez, Obama has been president for like 20 minutes already, and he has yet to apologize for everything every black person has ever done. tisk, tisk.
JPrice Vincenz said,
January 21, 2009 at 3:31
Me too, Todd. I’m hoping the Inaugural Ball show on ABC I’m watching–with its almost wall-to-wall African American pop/hip-hop lineup has them squirting diarrhea in anxiety right now. I’d bet the comments at Redstate, etc… are a gas.
M. Bouffant said,
January 21, 2009 at 3:46
A reduction in country-style pop music written & recorded after about 1985(?) can only be a good thing, if nothing else comes from President Barack Obama..
Ah said, son, “President Barack Obama.”
piltdown said,
January 21, 2009 at 4:15
Michelle McCarthy fits her well too.
/I love listening to this anchor-baby bitch about anchor-babies.
Bina said,
January 21, 2009 at 4:57
I call her Bitchy Mitchy, myself.
Strider said,
January 21, 2009 at 6:04
I’m sorry, I truly am, but in that picture she is teh bitchy hotness and I just wanna do stuff to her.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
January 21, 2009 at 7:51
Ernie Kovacs was teh shiznite. I only saw a little bit of his stuff but it was killer far-ahead-of-its-time insanity.
Johnny Pez said,
January 21, 2009 at 8:34
I thought everyone was agreed that her first name was Stalkin’.
a concerned citizen said,
January 21, 2009 at 18:47
klyde, I see your spongebob and raise you an Electric Light Orchestra.
Jim Puetz said,
January 21, 2009 at 23:31
Looks like most of you folks gwine to eat dem melons. Wit OBAMA the porches will have plenty., but you all better watch your backsides.
Kip W said,
January 22, 2009 at 2:42
Melvin’s a nice name. Melvin Malkin. Little Orphan Melvin.
Obongo is a USURPER said,
January 23, 2009 at 23:11
America has no president. The one pretending to be president is a USURPER and is constitutionally ineligible as a non-natural-born citizen. I will not obey or enforce any “laws” passed under his administration, because they, too, will be illegitimate. (I know that’s an awful strain on the vocabulary of the morons here, but I don’t care, I won’t stoop to your level).
Righteous Bubba said,
January 23, 2009 at 23:28
Roses are red
And violets are purple
Somebody who goes
To look up usurp’ll
Find you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
Strider said,
January 24, 2009 at 17:28
Fuck off, Obongo, you no longer matter. Get used to it, bitch.
Burdell said,
February 10, 2009 at 19:31
Strider, that’s what I said to Obama! HAHA!