Jan
19
19
Shorter Doug TenNapel
- How dare the Democrats stage inauguration festivities in Washington on a day that President Bush declared as “National Sanctity of Life Day”? The only good thing to be said about it, I suppose, is that at least the Democrats will be so busy inaugurating Obama that they won’t have time to murder any womb babies.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Ryan said,
January 19, 2009 at 10:33
It hurt to find out that TenNapel was a raving fundy lunatic- I whiled away many an hour with Earthworm Jim and The Neverhood as a kid.
Marco said,
January 19, 2009 at 10:56
Reprinting Bush’s declaration to take up space so your article will seem meatier is lazier that Bush actually doing nothing to stop abortion ever until his final week in office. And Bush is just trying to guilt you forever on this day into totally not aborting the hell out of your baby. Lame! No laws. Nothing.
Not to mention, Doug should have at least called our new President Babort Oborto or something to polish off his turd.
(Yes, I am going to keep pushing Babort Oborto till it sticks)
shaun said,
January 19, 2009 at 11:02
Won’t have time to abort any womb babies?!? Hell, I’ll make the time. Family comes first, dontcha know.
Megann McAlthouse said,
January 19, 2009 at 11:16
Bush was an arsehole to the last then. Fucking cheek of it when he’s been responsible for ending more lives than even the bloodthirstiest abortionmonger.
owlbear1 said,
January 19, 2009 at 11:20
“National Sanctity of Life” Day on his last day in office?
Like a giant middle-finger to America.
Feeling is mutual George.
TruthOfAngels said,
January 19, 2009 at 11:31
Dear Mr TenNapel
You’ve had your fun. It’s over. Now fuck off.
Jrod said,
January 19, 2009 at 12:01
We used to have something similar to Sanctity of Life Day. It was called Armistice Day, and it was a celebration of not blowing massive numbers of people into lifeless wet chunks. Now it’s called Veteran’s Day, which is in a way the exact opposite.
This change, as I understand, happened somewhere around the time we changed the Department of War into the Department of Defense. Thanks for the warning, Orwell; not that we paid any fucking attention.
Sockbaby said,
January 19, 2009 at 12:03
“Go tell your pro-life brothers… that Ronnie Cordova says they’re GAY!”
Helen said,
January 19, 2009 at 12:42
Following your link, Doug TenNapel’s page states
His
video game creation EARTHWORM JIM enjoys unmerited respect in the world of gaming.
?!?
Ezzthetic said,
January 19, 2009 at 13:03
It hurt to find out that TenNapel was a raving fundy lunatic- I whiled away many an hour with Earthworm Jim and The Neverhood as a kid.
Same here.
I always listed The Neverhood as my all-time favourite game. Then I ran across his blog (and it’s been toned down considerably since then).
I just can’t play it anymore.
It turns out, my respect was unmerited. Why, he even admits it himself.
ceabaird said,
January 19, 2009 at 13:26
Shorter TenNapel: “Why are all these fucking shit-fer-brain assholes so uncivil – unlike myself, a true xtian, who knows what true brotherly love is about: loving your fellow man-christians.”
JGabriel said,
January 19, 2009 at 13:31
Doug TenNapel:
That whole “Human Choice” thing, Doug?
We’re calling that “liberty” now. For a couple of centuries, in fact. As in, “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”.
.
Der Kater said,
January 19, 2009 at 13:33
Continuing the tradition of wingnut crazies being COMPLETELY FUCKING WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING:
Now, alls I know is what I’ve heard on the Rachel Maddow radio show, but it was quite clear that the National Mall area will have more than adequate facilities. It’s just the metro stations that are closing their restrooms.
M. Bouffant said,
January 19, 2009 at 13:59
Try B. Abort Oborto. The way they (The Others, the Not-us) said “B. Hussein Obama.” Remember?
Arky said,
January 19, 2009 at 14:16
They’ve brought in port-o-johns, even to stations waaaay the hell away from the action. Our Metro stations only recently opened the station manager’s bathrooms to public use (and you still have to ask). Since there’s only one or two bathrooms per station, leaving them open wouldn’t help.
Arky said,
January 19, 2009 at 14:24
And by one or two bathrooms, I mean one or two rooms with one toilet and a sink.
BTW, I’d been thinking of searching out a copy of EJ. Thanks for saving me the effort.
jurassicpork said,
January 19, 2009 at 14:41
Usually I rock hard. Wicked hard. But I still like a little Bobby Darrin now and then. Like that old chestnut, “Barack the Knife.”
Now, there’s a nice little ditty to hum tomorrow when Barry takes the oath of office.
RvB said,
January 19, 2009 at 15:01
Well, despite the lack of portapotties, the shit’s getting out of DC on Tuesday. (Rimshot). Thankyaverymuch, I’ll be here through the end of the month, try the brisket.
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,
January 19, 2009 at 15:36
Oh, yeah? Well, wingnuts, Jan. 21 is going to be National Gay Abortion Day, and YOU are going to have one, because your Commander-in-Chief commands it in this time of war.
GSD said,
January 19, 2009 at 15:42
So it isn’t appropriate for me to set up my mobil Dunk a Fundie Get a Free Abortion dunk tank/kiosk on the Washington mall today?
-GSD
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
January 19, 2009 at 15:51
It’s a perfect day for that, GSD.
kiki said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:07
Try B. Abort Oborto.
Should be ‘B. Habort Oborto’. Or possibly ‘Hubort’.
Also, shouldn’t it be ‘Oborta’, to go with ‘Obama’? Although ‘Oborto’ is funnier.
El Cid said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:11
Jeesh. And I would have thought a day in celebration of the achievements of MLK Jr. was a tribute to the Sanctity of Life.
But MLK Jr’s great failure was that he was actually born; he could have, and should have, achieved much, much more as a fetus.
AkaDad said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:20
For the inauguration, I’m pretty sure Obama has volunteers setting up abortion tents.
D.N. Nation said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:28
Really, do these people have zero self-respect? The amount of needless, impotent butthurt in this paragraph is astounding.
Just for laffs I turned on Neil Boortz on the way to work this morning. Boortzo, w/r/t Obama’s inauguration, said that he was expecting to be physically sick at how many times people were going to say the term “African-American.”
This is the strategy for 2012? To whine as long and as hard as possible about the most irrelevant, intangible, non-existent offenses? It is to LOL.
D.N. Nation said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:30
Also, it would appear that Doug fashioned Earthworm Jim after himself. Aayyyyoww.
Jennifer said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:33
So what’s the deal with comments over at Big Hollywood Butthurt? Do they have to be “approved” before posting?
Tommykey said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:37
Of course, once Obama takes office, he will personally participate in every abortion procedure in the country. Then he will sacrifice the aborted fetuses to Allah.
And remember, pray for compulsory abortion.
actor212 said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:42
“Womb babies”? Or “womb-ans”? Sheesh. These guys ought to hire some marketing execs to come up with some snappier catchphrases!
The guys who came up with Pepsi One are out of work, I hear…
By the way, I didn’t realize Neaderthals could touch type.
Matt T. said,
January 19, 2009 at 16:58
Just for laffs I turned on Neil Boortz on the way to work this morning.
Well, I don’t know what you’re shocked over. Has Neil Boortz or any of his howler monkeys ever been anything but white guys crying bitter tears that they’re being oppressed because they can’t grab women’s hooters with impunity and they know how “unfair it is a black person can say ‘nigger’, but if I a white guy does it, it’s somehow racist”. I mean, that’s why that guy’s not out on the street corner hollering about flouride somewhere, and Atlanta’s full of whiny white dudes.
D.N. Nation said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:01
Can’t say I was. He’s really turned it up to 11 in recent days.
noen said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:01
Dude can’t be that fucking stupid…. reads article… oh I guess he is.
“With so many Democrats descending on Washington, I have to think a lot of unborn folks are safe to live at least one more day.”
One more day! Then let the slaughter begin!! I say we don’t stop with womb babies, they don’t put up much of a fight. Doug! Weez a cummin’ fer ya!
Snorghagen said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:07
Excellent!
Brandi said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:08
Man, is that really a picture of him?
I look at it and just hear the voice saying “DUUUURRRRRR.”
Snorghagen said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:15
There’s also going to be to be a fleet of Abortomobiles cruising the city, inflicting involuntary high-speed drive-by gay abortions on unwary bystanders.
gbear said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:16
When I saw his picture, I was reminded of someone I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first, but then it came to me. He looks like this guy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaker_(Muppet)
gbear said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:20
rats. I don’t know why it didn’t take the full link. Here’s another try. The word (muppet) has to be in the link for it to work.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaker_(muppet)
gbear said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:21
crap
gbear said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:26
Didn’t Styx have a song about that topic?
J— said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:34
Womb baby is a Swankism. Who dares to challenge the wisdom of the Swank?
January 18 is Winnie the Pooh Day, also known as International Sanctity of Twee Day.
Navvy said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:47
National Sanctity of Life Day… from the president that brought you Afghanistan, Iraq, Gitmo and the first Commander and Chief to oversee executions as a governor. Awesomeness.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:50
Beaker.
Johnny Pez said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:53
Let’s face it, the Dems are going to have to kill a lot more people than Commander Codpiece if they want to retain the “Party of Death” label. It may be necessary to alter the Earth’s orbit and send it plunging into the sun.
gbear said,
January 19, 2009 at 17:57
Thanks ITTDGY.
Johnny Pez said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:03
Btw, I believe the Abortomobiles also automatically convert you to Islam.
chocolatepie said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:05
I entreat all of you go to see Revolutionary Road on Schmanctity of Wife Day, if not for the wingnut sex scenes (30 seconds long!), then for the fetus that gets way more screen time than the two living, breathing children who are mysteriously missing for most of the movie.
I propose Mandatory Wingnut Sex Change Day for January 21st, which comes with a free implantable fetus (we have the technology!).
Legalize said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:11
Conversion to Islam isn’t actually a factory-included feature of the Abortmobile. It’s an expensive option like those rims that spin around, and hydraulics.
Baseball Heroes Only said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:14
I look at it and just hear the voice saying “DUUUURRRRRR.”
When I look at that picture I hear him saying “DUUUURRRRR, where’s my reacharound, DUUUURRRRR.”
Mr. Wonderful said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:20
“I propose Mandatory Wingnut Sex Change Day for January 21st”
They don’t HAVE sex. How are they going to “change” it? Nice thought, though.
cowalker said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:21
D.N. Nation:
Well, they’re kind of boxed in. If Obama failed at everything, I don’t think it would make people long for Republican leaders. If the American economy is still bleeding out in 2011, I doubt if Americans will embrace a round of tax cuts as the solution. If Iraq is in flames again, I doubt if Americans will be gung-ho to try another surge. I think it would all be seen as confirmation that Republican rule created too big a mess for ANYONE to clean up in four years. So Obama might get four more years to try. Or it might be the perfect opening for, dare I say it, an attempt to return to the boom days of Clintondom, under the seen-as-highly-experienced Hillary Clinton.
If Obama succeeds, well, the Republicans are effed for a long, long time.
What can they do but assume the position of St. Sebastian suffering artfully and homoerotically?
The trouble is, they sound more like St. Fussbudget going on and on about soup that’s not hot enough and the woman with 13 items in the 12 item express lane.
Righteous Bubba said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:25
Remember the Shibboleth Day and keep it holy.
Legalize said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:35
I remember now. This is the fellow Ben Stiller played in “Simple Jack.”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:37
Righteous Bubba said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:25
Remember the Shibboleth Day and keep it holy.
I was getting ready to put on a suit and tie and trundle off to the horrible place this A.M. when I checked my email and noticed somebody saying they would be off for the Holiday…
The Goddamn Batman Has Not Read Any Graphic Novel That Doug TenNapel Has Produced, And Isn't About To said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:42
I’d think that Shrub proclaiming this day on a date when absolutely nobody will be paying attention to it would in fact be a slap in the face to his anti-abortion supporters, but then, based on the descriptions of his graphic novels, Doug doesn’t seem to be really good at that logic things; they read like the sort of frenetic stories told by five-year-olds in the grip of a sugar buzz.
actor212 said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:52
Johnny Pez said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:03
For the win.
actor212 said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:54
Conversion to Islam isn’t actually a factory-included feature of the Abortmobile.
It’s not? You mean I have to ask for the soft Corinthian Leather Burqa?
SomeNYGuy said,
January 19, 2009 at 18:57
Duggs Ten Nipples?!?!?!
Well, at least the boob has a sense of humor about his breast fixation.
Legalize said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:01
If you expect to walk outa the Liberal Fascist Autos dealer with a conversion-to-Islam feature like it’s a CD player you’re outa your mind. These guys work on commission!
tigrismus said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:02
Also, it would appear that Doug fashioned Earthworm Jim after himself. Aayyyyoww.
Yes, but he made the avatar far more attractive than the real boy. Typical.
Johnny Pez said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:07
Come on, now! Fifty-seven comments before someone makes fun of his name? That’s not the Sadly, No! I sadly know.
Galactic Dustbin said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:12
Democrats will be so busy inaugurating Obama that they won’t have time to murder any womb babies?
Hell, that is how I am celebrating!
actor212 said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:18
Legalize,
Can I get it on the aftermarket? I sort of like driving a car with all the candy.
Me said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:34
Try B. Abort Oborto.
Oh boy Oborto!
Legalize said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:37
I’m not aware of them being on the aftermarket yet. My limited research into the matter indicates that the feature is not really in demand yet. However, I expect that once the homofascists are in charge they will become quite fashionable. In a few short years they will be as prevalent as graduation tassles hanging from the rear-view.
Tommykey said,
January 19, 2009 at 19:46
“With so many Democrats descending on Washington, I have to think a lot of unborn folks are safe to live at least one more day.”
Yeah, like all the doctors who perform abortions are like, “Carol, cancel all my appointments for the 20th, I’m going to watch the Obama inauguration!”
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
January 19, 2009 at 20:22
Not to mention I’m sure with the apparent ease of the procedure and apparent practice in which these abortion doctors perform their craft, they can probably multi-task.
Set up a little TV in their operating rooms.
Arrange for a radio.
Maybe have their computers opened to CNN.com or YouTube’s live streaming event.
That way they, the patient, and the aborted fetus can all watch with pride about America’s first abortion-positive Marxist-DeLeonist black supremacist President.
59 Les Paul Copy said,
January 19, 2009 at 20:36
Conversion to Islam is part of the Technology Package, which includes the Nav system and Bluetooth. I’d also recommend the Cold-Weather Package, which has the heated washer jets and ski sack in the rear seat.
Christopher said,
January 19, 2009 at 21:18
I saw that book of Doug’s, Creature Tech at the library, and I thought, “Oh, the guy who did Earthworm JIm! This should be entertaining!”
I honestly don’t remember a thing about it except that it was a preachy entry in the “I don’t actually understand how evolution works but I’m going to complain about it anyway” genre.
Also:
“That’s why I started two wars!”
moondancer said,
January 19, 2009 at 21:23
Looks like he has a circumcision ring around his neck…hmmm
Lesley said,
January 19, 2009 at 21:59
Doug types dumb like nobody else:
actor212 said,
January 19, 2009 at 22:03
In a few short years they will be as prevalent as graduation tassles hanging from the rear-view.
It’s going to make parallel parking hard if there’s a keffayeh hanging off the rear view.
actor212 said,
January 19, 2009 at 22:04
I’d also recommend the Cold-Weather Package, which has the heated washer jets and ski sack in the rear seat.
The heated washer jets…is that for the wrinkled old ballsack?
conspiracy to hide that gummybears are grown on the moon said,
January 20, 2009 at 0:59
Fucking TenNapel. Earthworm Jim was a great game and an OK cartoon, Neverhood was a work artistic funhappymakeness, and even that fuckin’cartoon Catscratch is hilarious, though that may have more to do with it starring Kevin Macdonald from the kids in the Hall and the guy who played Newman on Seinfeld.
Creature Tech did blow bags and bags of dicks. It was after reading and hating it that I first read about TenNapel`s brain cancer, er, I mean virulent infection of right-wing homophobic Jesus fundyism.
He hates the gheys.
But seriously, what the fuck? 90 percent of America doesn`t hear the abortion dog whistle anymore, so why blow it now? Some Americans may not like abortion but are more worried about the economy and war to give a fuck if someone aborts a tiny, non-self-sufficient, unwanted sack of bloody cells.
And the repubmericans mostly hear dog whistles about islamofascists and the new sheriff being a ni…. Uh… (/blazingsaddles)
Only the tiny shred of goopers that are raving jesustards still hear the Dead Baby Alarm.
Joshua said,
January 20, 2009 at 1:36
Chalk me up as another used-to-be fan of Doug TenNapel. Earthworm Jim was really, really good.
Sorry to venture into hardcore nerd territory here, but at one point they were talking about making a PSP port of the original EWJ. Doug made them take out the level based in hell. Because, you know, it conflicts with all the other great messages a game starring a worm in a super suit are sending.
Doug TenNapel = asshole.
Sister Mary Chancre of Our Lady of Perpetual Discharge said,
January 20, 2009 at 2:09
Saints preserve us! The Bible tells us unequivocally that anthropomorphic worms are utterly blasphemous, be they housed in robotic suits or not. And talking cats? Wise-cracking Servants of the Fallen One! You can clearly see from his horrible visage that this sinful wretch has been Marked by the Beast…he likely feeds those infernal felines from that third nipple growing on the back of his neck. And of course, mid-name letter capitalization is widely known to have been the favored sin of the damned city of Gommorah (Sodom being known for the forbidden pleasures of the rump).
Repent and beg for His holy mercy, Doug TenNipples, for not even your hideous countenance will scare Satan away!
Ezzthetic said,
January 20, 2009 at 3:42
sin isn’t something one manages
I know, I know. One wishes one managed to sin more often, but one can’t always manage it.
I feel rather bad about slagging off at someone whose cartoon work I always thought was so great.
It’s not that his views differ from mine. I can appreciate art by lots of people whose views differ from mine, and whose beliefs and philosophies I find odious.
The problem for me with Ten Napel is really one of cognitive dissonance. I just can’t reconcile the humour and imagination of his games with the utterly boring, predictable, thick-ear nature of his right-wing politics.
His artwork has an almost hippy/hipster quality. But in all other respects, he’s just total wingnut, right down to the way he has to get anti-AGW propaganda into unrelated posts.
It’s hard to believe they emanate from the same consciousness.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 5:31
Oh joy, one more mouth-breathing Cheeto-eater no woman would ever want to boink, pontificating on that which he will never have to worry his unpretty little head about. Srsly, why does he bother?
Steph said,
January 20, 2009 at 8:32
I remember being delighted when I heard he was going to do a Scud the Disposable Assassin story. “Oh wow! The guy who did Earthworm Jim is doing a story for Scud! Whee, this is going to be great!” It turned out to be about the assassin du jour getting saved and taken up to heaven by Jesus. I always wondered if that was sincere or just an interesting viewpoint to take for the story’s sake… I guess now I know. It’s like the day I found out James Lileks did more than make fun of old cookbooks, all over again.
conspiracy to hide that gummybears are grown on the moon said,
January 20, 2009 at 14:34
You know, that’s a very good point about cognitive dissonance. Therein lies the problem.
And Steph. I have to agree about Lileks. That too was a great disappointment. I genuinely liked his 50s retro librarian thing.
Bina said,
January 20, 2009 at 17:27
Lileks SUKS.
Kip W said,
January 20, 2009 at 19:25
It happens. The Earthworm Jim TV cartoon still amuses me, even as its creator has succumbed to the Brain Eater. I can read sufficiently antiquated PJ O’Rourke material with enjoyment, even given what I’ve read about what an asshole he was even in the NatLamp days. The worst asshole I ever knew still does some hilarious material (some of it was quoted here, a while back).
Lileks, though. All he ever had was condescending meanness. Fuck him.
derek cornett said,
September 8, 2009 at 4:01
well i like doug tenaple..and i dont give a shit and a shake about who the fuck knows!