Jan
13

Ponzi Schemes: A Look At The Bright Side




Posted at 20:21 by Tintin
mike_laprarie
ABOVE: Mike Laprarie

There’s been way too much unseemly schadenfreude in Greater Wingnuttia that Bernard Madoff stole lots of money from rich Hollywood liberal Jews. Another strain of this comes from face-mulleted ass-beanie* Michael Laprarie over at CheezWhizBang with a post titled “America’s unborn say “thank you” to Bernie Madoff.” Apparently while Mikey was surfing the net for some fresh wanking material he came across this (emphasis by Mikey):

“As with many other nonprofit organizations, Planned Parenthood has had to make staff reductions at our headquarters due to the challenging economic times facing our country,” said Maryana Iskander, chief operating officer at the agency. “While taking this action is never easy, we want to ensure the millions of women and men who rely on Planned Parenthood as a health care provider that the reductions will not impact our ability to deliver care to those in need.”

Part of Planned Parenthood’s funding declines stem from the closing of the Florida-based Picower Foundation, which shut down in December because its assets were managed by Bernard Madoff. The $1 billion foundation was one of the few major funders of reproductive rights issues. (emphasis added)

Of course, Mikey is under the impression, common among wingnuts, that Planned Parenthood is nothing but a gigantic abortion clinic that kidnaps women from the sidewalks, sedates them, and aborts their third trimester fetuses which they then send to China to be turned into hair product. So he sniffs:

“Women and men who rely on Planned Parenthood as a ‘health care provider’”? Whatever.

Perhaps we can wipe both the smirk and the face-mullet from Mikey’s face with a strong dose of facts. Abortions account for only three percent of the services provided by Planned Parenthood. Other services include screening for breast cancer and cervical cancer, STD detection and treatment, and contraception. (I suppose if condoms and birth-control pills kill unborn babies, Mikey might want to think of the millions of unborn babies that he’s thrown out on soiled tissues after each episode of 24).

But Mikey isn’t finished:

On the other hand, if the current recession is to have at least one redeeming episode, perhaps this is it.

The connection between Madoff and the recession is unclear to everyone but, perhaps, Mikey. But I think Mikey’s ultimate point is that each time someone loses a job, a fetus is born. But doesn’t that now mean that it is his religious duty to advocate full unemployment? You know, to save all the innocent blastocysts from being murdered by employed people?


*Actually Mikey likes to refer to himself as a “post-Republican libertarian/conservative & post-fundamentalist emergent Christian.” But any way you slice it, that pretty much works out to the same thing as ass-beanie.

103 Comments »

  1. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:24

    “post-Republican libertarian/conservative & post-fundamentalist emergent Christian.”

    Or how normal people would say that “a prick that doesn’t want to be attached to the failed pricks of his ideology”

  2. Celia said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:25

    “Health of the mother”

    - John McCain’s opinion

  3. D.N. Nation said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:28

    Celia said it before I could. These schmucks couldn’t care less about women. Everything involving the fairer sex has to start and end with the fetus.

  4. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:33

    Or how normal people would say that “a prick that doesn’t want to be attached to the failed pricks of his ideology”

    Or a deserter who’s stripped to his skivvies and is looking for a sufficiently unbloodied uniform from a corpse from the winning side of the battle?

  5. Principal Blackman said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:33

    Mark Noonan was all over this as well. The subscription to the idea that PP is nothing but an abortion mill (in his estimation, it’s a big ol’ c-o-n…spiracy in which abortion money goes to Planned Parenthood, which donates to the Democratic Party, which forces women to get abortions, which provides money for PP, which donates to the Democratic Party, and so on), the idea that this is a redeeming aspect of the Madoff clusterfuck, the whole magilla.

  6. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:35

    I’ve never watched an episode of 24, and I appreciate that the reference to soiled tissues is about the “rough men and torture” fetish of the garden variety wingnut but Kiefer Sutherland is pretty fucking hot.

  7. dlauthor said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:52

    I’m kind of expecting that the rightie 24-wankers are getting a softie this season every time Janeane Garofalo shows up. It must be driving them crazy. Er.

  8. tigrismus said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:57

    30 people lost their jobs but the CEO promises services, including abortion services, will not be affected. On the other hand, the Picower charitable foundation has closed up shop completely, costing more jobs and ceasing funding for numerous health and education related groups, like MIT’s Picower Institute for Learning and Memory, the NY public library, the Palm Beach, FL public school system, and numerous other medical, educational, and Jewish charities. Some of these non-profits will also fire employees, and some will not be able to promise their services won’t be affected, but Planned Parenthood was hurt in a way that will not bring about Mike Laprarie’s wishes so YAY? The mind, she is boggled.

  9. Tommmcatt said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:57

    a “post-Republican libertarian/conservative & post-fundamentalist emergent Christian. turd”.

    Ah, see? Much better.

  10. Tommmcatt said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:58

    What happened to my strikeout? It was there in the preview.

    That’s it! I am swearing off this HTML thing for the New Year.

  11. the BOTTOM LINE, liberals said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:00

    Heh.

    That is all.

  12. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:01

    I think Mikey’s ultimate point is that each time someone loses a job, a fetus is born.

    Well, one does have to do something with one’s day.

    And speaking of Torture-Four, good God, I watched the whole wacky season opening jizz-fest in sheer amazement. 75% “What I done wuz right, and I’d do it agin” and 25% “Just in time for the new administration, Jack is no longer fighting Teh Swarthy for the government, but rather, fighting Teh Eeeebil Goobermint Corruptocrats what are trying to put him in da slammer for bein all patriotic”.

    Holy Shit.

    I wasn’t sure whether to cackle until my spleen left my throat or weep myself knee-deep. Just wow.

  13. Der Kater said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:02

    These schmucks couldn’t care less about women.

    In fairness, they don’t really care about anyone.

  14. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:03

    Tommmcatt,

    You actually have to spell out “strike” in your tag, or else the Dread Pirate Wordpress won’t comply. Just an “s” will show up in preview, but not post.

  15. Hattie said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:05

    My major donations go to Planned Parenthood. I pay monthly and all my donations are earmarked for local services. Women need this help very badly.
    After all, what if Mike Laparie’s mother had had contraceptive services in time?

  16. MC B.Mad said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:11

    I think the technical term for “face-mullet” is prison pussy.

  17. Sator Arepo said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:28

    F— that dude. What the F ever. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.

  18. owlbear1 said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:29

    “Women and men who rely on Planned Parenthood as a ‘health care provider’”? Whatever.

    Yep, I’m betting it’s been a LONG time since he’s needed to think about ‘birth control’ on a personal level.

  19. Cpl. Cam said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:29

    What the fuck is “emergent christianity?” Christianity has no emergent properties, it’s revelation all the way down.

  20. Sophist FCD said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:31

    Wordpress can go jump in a bag of dicks.

  21. jim said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:31

    Obviously, Planned Parenthood has declared a JIHAD on helpless unborn American tumors as part of its nefarious plot to exterminate the real-life analog of Teh Glorious Free-Market, a necessary prologue to bringing their Maoist dictatorship to the USA – probably in league with Hamas: perpetrating a Tumor Holocaust … I bet if we could get a squint at the vault-copy of PP’s charter it’d be in Arabic, & their salutation would be “Allahu Akbar” … thus, Bernie Madoff is a True Amurrikin Heero!

  22. bklyn said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:34

    what kind of hat is that dood wearing?
    looks almost like hair or something.

  23. Dr. BDH said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:34

    Is that a prickly pear cactus stuck to the back of his head?

    And the proper designation is “wingnut face mullet,” but I like “prison pussy,” too. Also, “living fleshlight.”

  24. Tim (The Other One) said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:37

    “emergent Christianity” ? we’ll see….

  25. gjdodger said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:43

    Actually, there is a connection between the recession and Madoff–it helped to uncover him. As with all Ponzi schemes, it collapsed when he could no longer pay off the suckers.

  26. Tommmcatt said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:45

    You actually have to spell out “strike” in your tag, or else the Dread Pirate Wordpress won’t comply. Just an “s” will show up in preview, but not post.

    That seems unfair, and makes me want to complain. Thanks for the help, tho.

  27. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:45

    All these complaints about “emergent Christianity”, well that’s just the term he uses for what’s happening in his pants while he’s watching twenty-four. Sheesh talk about post-fundamentalism.

    But back to more important issues – Kiefer Sutherland? Still fucking hot.

  28. Legalize said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:45

    “What the fuck is ‘emergent christianity?’”

    Something equally as backward as regular christianity.

  29. PeeJ said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:46

    A quick google on this wanker (who I never heard of or forgot about if I did) turns up a Mike Laprairie in…Vancouver BC!

    Yet another Canuck Yuck Yuck ? What is it with those people?

  30. PeeJ said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:47

    Okay – he spells his name funny. Naver mind.

  31. Ripley said,

    January 13, 2009 at 21:51

    That dude’s hair is the worst Photoshop I’ve ever seen.

    Back on point, that dude is a stupid tosser. With a small penis.

  32. Legalize said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:08

    Is this the Canadian who turns his AC up all the way in the summer and leaves his windows open when he takes a jaunt down to Seattle to see Pearl Jam cover bands?

    I’m pretty sure I made all of that up.

  33. Simba B said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:11

    I’m pretty sure I made all of that up.

    er, sort of.

  34. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:12

    Also, back on topic. Ass-beanie? Is that a comment about all the complaints over ass-helmet? Well, I think you may have opened an ass-can of ass-worms…

    Ass-Fedora
    Ass-Sombrero
    Ass-Mitre
    Yarmulk-Ass
    Wide Brimmed Buttocks

  35. noen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:14

    No Legalize, that would our good friend Yoshida.

  36. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:14

    That seems unfair, and makes me want to complain.

    The proper method for that seems to be a hearty “FYWP”.

    Now you know.

  37. noen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:15

    Gahh!! too slow.

  38. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:19

    Ass-Fedora…

    How about Ass-Tricorne, Asscap, and (although I think it’s already a name for a donkey race) Ass Derby?

  39. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:20

    DKW,

    As in “Tongue-jack my ass-akubra.”

    Or maybe “ass-snood” is better.

  40. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:22

    How about Ass-Tricorne

    I was going to say Bicorne, as it is also known as a “cocked hat”.

  41. noen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:22

    BTW, I don’t believe these wingnuts even care about the unborn. All they know is that when they push that button they get results. So they keep pushing it until it stops working. The desired result being “I get a job writing shit instead of the entry level construction or anything involving actual work.”

  42. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:23

    Ass Derby? Wouldn’t we have to save that one for The Derb?
    I was particularly proud of Wide Brimmed Buttocks, but apparently you guys need more prodding.

    Ass ‘do-Rag

  43. Simba B said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:23

    although I think it’s already a name for a donkey race

    Googling this (or any of these terms) is probably a bad idea.

  44. Legalize said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:23

    Oh yes I remember Yoshida. Funny; he and Mikey both look kinda frumpy.

  45. noen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:24

    “Ass-Fedora” Is that a new Linux distro? Strikes me as a bit downstream.

  46. g said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:25

    You all read this hilarious account of one of Not-Jenna’s college friends hanging out with Bush in 2001?

    http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2009/01/dubya-and-me200901?currentPage=1

  47. Simba B said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:26

    Is that a new Linux distro?

    Debiass.

  48. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:26

    “Ass-Fedora” Is that a new Linux distro? Strikes me as a bit downstream.
    No, it’s a new flavor of Ass-buntu.

  49. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:27

    Ass-Casquette has a certain ring to it, as does Tuchus-Toque.

  50. noen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:29

    Debiass – I like “ass-get” though one should stay away from the unofficial asspositories.

    ass, make me a sandwich.

  51. Cedar said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:30

    So these douchebags with their intense, seething hatred of Planned Parenthood refuse to see any other aspect of its work (STD testing, cervical cancer screeening, etc etc). Yet, at the same time, they’re so blinded by this “PP = EVIL” mindset that they don’t pay attention to any other reproductive service facilities in their community. I was so sick of being swarmed by protesters every time I went to Planned Parenthood for my pap smears and annual exams that when I actually did have an abortion, I went to a women’s medical clinic that literally ONLY performs abortions, and there was not a single protester anywhere near the building. And this place wasn’t that difficult to find–a ten second google of “abortion” and my city search located it for me–and there wasn’t a lot of security around it.

    So these assholes are wasting all their resources attacking women who AREN’T having abortions and pissing off people and making themselves look like assholes, and not the ones who are (not that a protester outside the clinic would have made me change me mind, or find Jesus or whatever, but there’d be more a chance of talking women out of abortions if the women were actually going to get abortions, you know?).

  52. lobbey said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:31

    Googling this (or any of these terms) is probably a bad idea.

    Particularly googling it with an Image Search, oh no……

  53. Simba B said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:33

    root@shitbox:~$ tonguejack

  54. tigrismus said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:34

    What the fuck is ‘emergent christianity?’

    Not sure, but the word “turtlehead” springs to mind.

  55. Simba B said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:34

    That is the prompt from the latest release of Debiass.

  56. zeppo said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:36

    We would like all wankers, Canadian or not, to please not come to Seattle. We have enough home-grown wankers as it is (see Eyman, Tim).

    We are SOOO over Pearl Jam. I think the latest big craze is Roller Derby.

  57. Simba B said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:37

    I think the countries with lots of empty space—I’m looking at you, Canada and Russia—should get together and create a homeland for wankers.

    Wankistan.

  58. justme said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:40

    For these Fools, Colon-Cockscomb?

  59. tigrismus said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:40

    Ass-Casquette has a certain ring to it

    Or just Cassquette. Buttsby? Fassz? Pananamass? One thing is for sure, this guy can forget the beaver hat- not going to happen.

  60. a concerned citizen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:41

    root@shitbox:~$ tonguejack

    I see you are using the Feisty Felcher release.

  61. Candy said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:46

    OT, but Debbie Schlussel has a Limp Bizkit video posted on her site. (She also wants us to believe she “works out” to it.) I thought this was interesting in view of last night’s drunkversation re: Durst.

    I’m surprised she didn’t post a creed vid. She did, however, post a Tommy Lee.

    Limp Deb

    Back on topic, I’ve long held that these asscaps don’t care about any fetus. They’re all about punishing women for having sex with other guys, but refusing to have sex with them. The anti-choice women I don’t understand at all, at all.

  62. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:52

    …they’re so blinded by this “PP = EVIL” mindset that they don’t pay attention to any other reproductive service facilities in their community.

    Maybe we need to set up a decoy organization called e.g. “BORSHUNS R US”, where no actual medical procedures of any kind take place as sort of flypaper for the anti-abortion protestors. Non-pregnant women, trained in self-defense and wearing pillows up the fronts of their shirts, could fight their way through the throng of dumbshits, go inside for awhile (have a cup of coffee and play a tape of horrible screaming and evil laughter and weird Satanic chanting), then go back out again sans pillow and saying “Yeah! Sign me up for more of that! I’m proud to be a liberal!”

    Then PP could go about its business in peace, maybe.

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    January 13, 2009 at 22:59

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  64. Kevin said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:12

    PeeJ: If you click on the last embedded link it goes to his website, where he gives his location as the U.S.
    Please don’t try to pin this one on Canada; Yoshida’s enough. More than enough. Too much, really.

  65. M. Bouffant said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:15

    Simba B said,
    January 13, 2009 at 22:23

    although I think it’s already a name for a donkey race

    Googling this (or any of these terms) is probably a bad idea.

    zeppo said,
    January 13, 2009 at 22:36

    We would like all wankers, Canadian or not, to please not come to Seattle. We have enough home-grown wankers as it is (see Eyman, Tim).

    We are SOOO over Pearl Jam. I think the latest big craze is Roller Derby.

    I’m certainly spotting a trend.

    And wankers stay out of the general Southern Cal. area as well! Don’t let the sunny, pleasant, breezy, January weather tempt you. Do let it stand as proof of “global warming.”

  66. Shygetz said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:19

    Perhaps we can wipe both the smirk and the face-mullet from Mikey’s face with a strong dose of facts.

    Based on the last eight years, I think you are being unreasonably optimistic.

  67. Candy said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:28

    I will always give Bill Clinton a lot of credit for ordering out the federal marshals to protect the Planned Parenthoods. We had a nasty little bunch of inbred fundy freaks called Operation Rescue here in Des Moines at that time. They were constantly harassing people at PP and also at a local doctor’s residence. They were headed up by a truly awful, ugly little man named David Shedlock. After the marshals came, Shedlock made some sort of threatening move and got his ass thrown in the slammer. A few years later, he was arrested for molesting an old woman in a nursing home while working as a nurse’s aid. Somehow that didn’t surpirse me at all.

    Typical of members of the moral majority, while head of Operation Rescue he and another member had swapped wives. I always love the sordid hypocrisy that seems to surround these creeps like a miasma.

  68. PeeJ said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:32

    I formally apologize for typing a similar but different name into the google then jumping to the conclusion that Canada would host someone like that. I mean, given Mark Stain, Adam Y, that ten feet of shit in a five foot person woman whose name I can never remember et al., it’s really quite unthinkable that Canada would, you know, have more of them.

    O Canada, I have wronged you.

    Also, Portland is NOT the coolest place on the earth just now; whoever told you that is a liar. There’s no good local food, no good local music, no good local beer, no good local whiskey, no good local wine, and people are really uptight asshats. Stay the fuck away.

  69. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:39

    I’m certainly spotting a trend. And wankers stay out of the general Southern Cal. area as well!

    And out of Salt Lake City, too. Sure there’s good skiing, but the numerous wankers who already live here are wanky in a manner incompatible with garden-variety wingnutitude.

  70. Michael G. said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:45

    If you’re looking for someplace to store the wankers, I’d suggest that there’s a lot of space in that Pacific Ocean. Also, if I read The Moon is a Harsh Mistress correctly, the fact that it is easier to die at sea will help make people there more polite and further a libertarian utopia.

  71. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:52

    I’d suggest that there’s a lot of space in that Pacific Ocean.
    Captain John Galt Nemo and the Not-Atlas!!!!

  72. krassen said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:53

    It’s all meaningless anyway; once this thing takes off, nobody will ever have babies anymore:

    “The company is coming out with a virtual sex device for men, RealTouch, that matches, frame by frame, what’s happening in a video through built-in vibration, motion, lubrication and heat.

    “A lot of movies are just getting stolen, and this is an experience that cannot be stolen,” explained Jim McAnally, a consultant to the Charlotte, N.C., company. “It’s a better user experience.”

    The device, set for release as early as February, was developed by a NASA engineer, the company says. It’s expected to sell for $149.95.

    It takes eight hours to program every 15 minutes of video for the device.”

    from: http://www.techflash.com/Tech_trends_at_the_porn_show37386899.html

  73. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:55

    Jim McAnally, a consultant to the Charlotte, N.C., company.

    I know that’s probably supposed to be pronounced like “macka-nalley”, but … come on.

  74. Tommmcatt said,

    January 13, 2009 at 23:58

    …built-in vibration, motion, lubrication and heat.

    I’m trying to imagine this as a feature of some of the Gay porn I’ve seen, and the phrase “mindboggling” does not even begin to cover it.

  75. justme said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:01

    explained Jim McAnally

    Ur doin it, er, different.

  76. Simba B said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:05

    Jim McAnally, a consultant to the Charlotte, N.C., company.

    Irony fail. C’mon, a third grader could do better.

  77. protected static said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:06

    I’m surprised no one’s suggested ass-bowler yet.

  78. zeppo said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:08

    Seems like a terrible thing to do to the Pacific Ocean, dump a bunch of wankers in there. I mean, that could decimate several species of fish, including the blue fin tuna. And then what would all the Japanese people eat? What is the half life of a wanker anyway? Do you know how long those things stay toxic? Expose of just several milliwanks has been known to turn sane people into assclowns, which is not a pretty sight, no indeedy.

  79. protected static said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:08

    Jim McAnally, a consultant to the Charlotte, N.C., company.

    Irony fail. C’mon, a third grader could do better.

    Isn’t that part of the Obama sex-ed curriculum? Teaching third-graders about anal?

  80. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:08

    Jim McAnally, consultant to the Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network – talking about a NASA engineer designed cyber-wank device? I think Todd Bishop is getting his leg yanked – and I don’t mean that as a euphemism for a hand (or foot) job.

  81. J— said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:17

    Candy’s name done turned blue!

  82. Michael G. said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:22

    The word of the day is apparently “teledildonics”. See also wikipedia entry.

  83. LittlePig said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:47

    “Mr. McAnally died tragically when The Story Of O was placed in the video machine by mistake”

  84. a different mikey said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:48

    How about the ass-kangol, known as an ass-lid.

    I don’t want to think about a ‘ten gallon ass’.

  85. Smut Clyde said,

    January 14, 2009 at 0:57

    And then what would all the Japanese people eat?
    The National Diet of Japan belongs in the previous thread.

  86. Duros62 said,

    January 14, 2009 at 1:00

    Ass-trucker-hat would be an oxymoron, wouldn’t it?

  87. Gus said,

    January 14, 2009 at 1:08

    Hey, it’s not like he has to worry about birth control.

  88. justme said,

    January 14, 2009 at 2:20

    I’m surprised no one’s suggested ass-bowler yet.

    Four lanes, no waiting?

  89. Lancelot Link said,

    January 14, 2009 at 2:57

    Around here we call that beard style the “poo poo dish”

  90. another jim said,

    January 14, 2009 at 3:08

    “Or a deserter who’s stripped to his skivvies and is looking for a sufficiently unbloodied uniform from a corpse from the winning side of the battle?”

    And can’t understand why the uniforms of the corpses around him won’t change color, even though he’s wishing really hard.

  91. another jim said,

    January 14, 2009 at 3:10

    “Actually, there is a connection between the recession and Madoff–it helped to uncover him. As with all Ponzi schemes, it collapsed when he could no longer pay off the suckers.”

    Quite right.

    But I very much doubt the original article writer made that connection. Seems more like the thought process was: ‘Ungh. Bad money thing hurts. Me make ha-ha!”

  92. hank said,

    January 14, 2009 at 3:31

    Face mullet, prison pussy… I have always considered those things to be a manifestation of heretofore-undocumented, male vagina-envy.

    I’ll say just say, “Hubba-hubba!” and leave it there!

  93. Smut Clyde said,

    January 14, 2009 at 3:59

    Mike Laprarie and Tony Cox — separated at birth?

  94. Lesley said,

    January 14, 2009 at 4:05

    Can we not call this cheesehead “Mikey”?

  95. Smapdi said,

    January 14, 2009 at 4:47

    In rural areas where Planned Parenthood operates they are the primary source for ladies health services. Planned Parenthood saves the lives of thousands of backwoods wingnuts every year. I guess the wingers cant grasp that many of their supporters are without health care and female.

    Fuck these people.

  96. sarah said,

    January 14, 2009 at 9:10

    Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 13, 2009 at 22:12

    Also, back on topic. Ass-beanie? Is that a comment about all the complaints over ass-helmet? Well, I think you may have opened an ass-can of ass-worms…

    Ass-Fedora
    Ass-Sombrero
    Ass-Mitre
    Yarmulk-Ass
    Wide Brimmed Buttocks

    i hope no one interpreted my comment as a complaint about “ass-helmet.” i totally approve of all permutations of “ass +[headwear].”

    thank you for this opportunity to clarify my stance.

    and +1 on not calling lame dudes mikey. because there is already a mikey who is not lame, and, like highlander, there can be only one.

  97. Righteous Bubba said,

    January 14, 2009 at 9:17

    i hope no one interpreted my comment as a complaint about “ass-helmet.” i totally approve of all permutations of “ass +[headwear].”

    By all means head over to Dies irae, Pt. II and enjoy more.

  98. protected static said,

    January 14, 2009 at 18:39

    @justme:

    Four lanes, no waiting?

    Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘gutter ball’…

  99. Bina said,

    January 14, 2009 at 19:15

    Looking at his picture, I can see why he’s got such a raging hate-on for PP…

    HE AIN’T GETTIN’ ANY.

  100. Interrobang said,

    January 14, 2009 at 19:35

    Boy, guys like him are suuuuure afraid that women everywhere will stop having guys like his’ babies.

    For my part, I’d say not having babies with guys like him is a really fucking excellent idea and more people should do it. On the other hand, I also think not having babies with guys like him is a really fucking excellent idea and more people should do it, so I may be just a titch biased.

    One of these days I intend to get a t-shirt that says COMMITTED NULLIPARA in big sparkly letters, especially since half of the natalist contingent thinks I ought to be committed (as in, involuntarily), and the other half thinks I’ll change my mind. (I’m thirty-frickin’ four. In another decade or so, I could be going through menopause. And damn glad to see it I’ll be, too.)

  101. Luna said,

    January 15, 2009 at 2:55

    Oh. My. God. If these assberets take the term “emergent Christianity” and corrupt it too, this Christian is going to be goddamned good and pissed off.

    Here’s a link that does it some sort of justice: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emerging_church

    Oh, and for what it’s worth (which is seriously not much), Canadian wingnut hater SUZANNE is on about this topic too. Go mock her.

  102. Lesley said,

    January 15, 2009 at 3:18

    Canadian wingnut hater SUZANNE is on about this topic too. Go mock her.

    done.

  103. Bina said,

    January 15, 2009 at 4:23

    One of these days I intend to get a t-shirt that says COMMITTED NULLIPARA in big sparkly letters, especially since half of the natalist contingent thinks I ought to be committed (as in, involuntarily), and the other half thinks I’ll change my mind. (I’m thirty-frickin’ four. In another decade or so, I could be going through menopause. And damn glad to see it I’ll be, too.)

    Word. I had my tubes tied without waiting to “change my mind” first. That was five years ago. Still haven’t changed a thing. And I doubt very much I’ll ever meet the guy who can do it, either. Much less one who looks like this Cheeto-eater.

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