Jan
12

Dies irae




Posted at 21:52 by Brad

OH THE HUMANITY:

Joe the Plumber: Ban media from war

‘Joe the Plumber’ Wurzelbacher told a group of journalists covering the conflict in Israel and Gaza that he didn’t think the media should be allowed to report on war.

“I think media should be abolished from, you know, reporting,” Wurzelbacher said. “You know, war is hell. And if you’re gonna sit there and say, ‘well, look at this atrocity,’ well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it.”

Wurzelbacher arrived in Israel on Sunday to start a 10-day assignment for pjtv.com, a Web site run by the conservative media outlet Pajamas Media. The plumber-turned-foreign correspondent said he wanted to cover Israel’s side of the conflict, because he thought the media was slanting the story to make it look like “Israel’s being bad.”

In his first day as a reporter, Wurzelbacher described the hardships of daily life in the southern Israeli town of Sderot.

“I’m sure they’re taking quick showers, I know I would,” Wurzelbacher said. “So you can’t plan your day, you can’t take a picnic.“

Wurzelbacher said he thought Israel should have attacked Gaza sooner. He told a group of reporters that he was a “peace-loving man,” but that “when someone hits me, I’m going to unload on the boy.”

He got a first-hand taste of reality in Sderot, when his group heard sirens warning of a rocket attack. With cameras rolling, Wurzelbacher and his group ran into a shelter.

“I’m in the bunker, I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles,” Wurzelbacher said. “It was fear at first, then outright anger, and then me wanting some kind of retribution. I’m not a person that runs from things, but when it’s a missile, you run.”

I had hoped — honestly, I had really hoped — that completely losing their grip on power might have pushed our conservative countrymen to take a more, shall me say, introspective view of politics and to not embrace stupidity so forthrightly. Being a pro-democracy kind of guy, I would like to see some kind of competing ideology for liberalism in this country that rises above the intelligence of your average Ford Truck commercial.

But no. You guys insist on getting stupider and more embarrassing and you are hurting our democracy in the process. If the Democrats become too drunk and corrupt on power, will you guys have anyone whom you can promote as credible replacements? Because watching you guys right now is a lot like watching this video, only less funny and more tragic:

In short: please please please please, for the love of God, stop being ridiculously stupid. Just, like, read a book or something. Maybe listen to Bach’s Brandenberg concertos a few times. Take a sculpting class. I really don’t care at this point: you must do something to make yourselves marginally more intelligent than you are right now. The fate of our nation may very well depend upon it.

58 Comments »

  1. Marco said,

    January 12, 2009 at 21:57

    Zombie Murrow has risen and he wants your motherfucking brainz, now!

  2. MZ said,

    January 12, 2009 at 21:57

    To be fair, many conservatives may be embarrassed about this guy by now, but that’s not going to stop a handful of them from keeping him in the spotlight if it fattens their wallets in the short term.

  3. Brad said,

    January 12, 2009 at 21:58

    To be fair, many conservatives may be embarrassed about this guy by now,

    Name one.

  4. PeeJ said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:00

    I disagree completely. Please folks, let it rip. Every day when I wake, I look forward to new frontiers of stoopiditude. It is to laugh.

  5. Dr. Squid said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:01

    Even funnier than this?

  6. Jennifer said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:01

    What, is that like the South Korean version of “Ow My Balls”?

  7. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:02

    I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles…

    Hey, tough guy, no terrorist told you what to do. I bet it was an Israeli cop or soldier or other citizen – them, plus your pants-a-poopin’ fear. Next time, sack up and stay outside!

  8. Brad said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:03

    Hey, tough guy, no terrorist told you what to do.

    Plus: Why is he running from the rockets when God will protect him?

  9. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:03

    Wheeeee!!!!!
    Let me see if I understand: Wuhrzelfukenshitzbagger reporting from the war zone says that media should be banned from the war zone. Do I got that right?

  10. Dr. Squid said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:04

    Even Joe the Plumber loving conservatives aren’t funnier than Silent Library.

  11. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:06

    Do I got that right?

    I think it’s OK with him if they’re there, they just shouldn’t report anything. Because they don’t know the background half the time, and the last thing on earth any reporter should do is stick around and ask questions to find out the background.

  12. JK47 said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:08

    “I’m in the bunker, I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles,” Wurzelbacher said. “It was fear at first, then outright anger, and then me wanting some kind of retribution.

    Gee, asshat, I wonder how you might feel about being herded into a decrepit ghetto, having your electricity and fuel rationed and being forced to endure a never-ending series of humiliating security checkpoints on a day-to-day basis. I think your reaction might be something like fear, then outright anger, then a desire for some kind of retribution.

  13. D.N. Nation said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:09

    Brad- you’re just scared:

    But there is an obvious fear among so many members of the media so defensively and preemptively dismissive of “Joe the Plumber” trying his hand at reporting. Deep inside, they must wonder if an Ohio plumber could really be much worse than the so-called professionals we already have. There lies the fear that underlies those mocking Wurzelbacher in the media. It is a bruise to their egos when they realize that almost anyone can do what they do.

  14. a.j. said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:11

    i think this is a positive development.

    the citizens of the united states need to know what joe the plumber thinks about pretty much everything. it is obvious to me that he has a wealth of knowledge that he will bring to bear on even the most complex situations. i mean, just read what the guy says about the current crisis in gaza that has claimed about 900 Palestinian lives: “war is hell.”

    now that is some penetrating analysis.

    i, for one, can’t wait for joe the plumber to clarify further these topics that previously seemed so difficult to understand. he has a way of reducing even the most sophisticated international relations theories to comprehensible, third grade slogans. it’s really been too long since we’ve gotten the news straight from someone who may or may not be able to find israel on a map.

    good for you, joe. and good for all of us.

  15. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:11

    Deep inside, they must wonder if an Ohio plumber could really be much worse than the so-called professionals we already have.

    Actually, I agree with this, if not for the reasons the PJ folks want me to.

  16. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:14

    Thanks Xecky. Sometimes I don’t understand what wingnuts are trying to say.

    I wonder if Joe can clarify which situations shouldn’t be reported on. Is it only military issues and does the need for total media blackout vary with the importance of the issue?

  17. Matt said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:14

    Bah, who cares. JtP is the lowest of the low-hanging fruit. Of course he’s an idiot. What’s next, a post about Ann Coulter?

    Oh wait.

  18. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:19

    At this stage, I don’t care anymore. Joe and his ilk can all go away. I don’t see any point in twenty-five years where they’ve offered anything but blatant stupidity, anti-intellectualism, corruption and war crimes.

    The Democrats, even drunk on power, cannot hope to match the pits of evil even the best Republicans embody.

  19. JK47 said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:20

    he thought the media was slanting the story to make it look like “Israel’s being bad.”

    I think what he meant to say was, “DUH, WHY PEOPLE SAY ISRAEL BEING BAD? ISRAEL IS AMERICA FRIEND THEY ARE GOOD GUY. BAD GUY IS TERRORIST BROWN PERSON. MEDIA ARE JERKS ME ARE BETTER THAN MEDIA. ME LOVE AMERICA.”

  20. Me said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:20

    Joe the Dumber is actually only marginally more stupid than much of the “respectable media”. His “reporters shouldn’t be allowed to report” is indeed mockable, but when you consider the self-censorship of much of the corporate media, he and they really aren’t too far apart on this issue.

  21. Malaclypse said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:23

    Being a pro-democracy kind of guy, I would like to see some kind of competing ideology for liberalism in this country that rises above the intelligence of your average Ford Truck commercial.

    In a sensible universe, political ideology in this country would run from Obama and the Democrats on the right to Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn on the left. If the Republicans keep escalating the stupid, maybe people will start looking for real alternatives.

    Or we will elect even stupider Republicans…

  22. mark f said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:26

    How long til Joe decides to make a go at Voinovich’s seat?

  23. Brad said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:28

    How long til Joe decides to make a go at Voinovich’s seat?

    He’ll declare his candidacy during his next Israel dispatch. Honestly, he couldn’t be too much worse.

  24. Raijin said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:31

    I hope Joe the Plumber’s last moments are captured on film, and are then uploaded to Youtube with Yakety Sax playing in the background.

  25. Me said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:31

    Also:

    please please please please, for the love of God, stop being ridiculously stupid

    I disagree. I really feel that the next few years can provide a very useful contrast for Americans. On the one hand we’ll have President Obama, who despite many imperfections is universally agreed to be at least thoughtful and intelligent. On the other hand we have barely literate individuals going “brghrrgahhh” and eating paste. Even many of my wingnut acquaintances over the past few years were aware of Bush’s stupidity, and some were even embarrassed by it, though granted, that didn’t necessarily change their votes.

  26. Lesley said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:34

    you really don’t want these guys taking sculpting classes.

  27. Lesley said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:36

    oh yeah, and don’t forget the sculpting materials!

  28. David said,

    January 12, 2009 at 22:38

    There’s a No Bell Piece Prize in that man’s future!

  29. Sirius Lunacy said,

    January 12, 2009 at 23:39

    ’ well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time’
    I on the other hand don’t know the whole story behind it ALL of the time.

    “I’m in the bunker, I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles,”
    Actually I’m sitting there happy, outright joyous, that I’m letting my publicist dictate what I’m going to do because he’s firing money.

  30. g said,

    January 12, 2009 at 23:43

    so, let’s seeeeee…..He’s going to expose how biased and unobjective the media is by going over and reporting on his own personal feelings at being shot at?

  31. kamper said,

    January 12, 2009 at 23:48

    Turn about being fair play and all.

    Dan Rather Volunteers to Install New Toilet in Joe the Plumber’s Guest Bathroom

  32. El Cid said,

    January 12, 2009 at 23:52

    When is the big fancy New York City planetarium gonna get rid of that talky-talk black professor guy and hire Joe Not Joe the Plumber Not Plumber?

    We don’t need our astronomy cluttered up by a bunch of ivory tower nonsense.

  33. The Goddamn Batman Has A Secret Crush On Lois Lane said,

    January 13, 2009 at 0:15

    Not-Joe the Not-Plumber: Making Geraldo Rivera Look Not-So-Bad Since 2009.

  34. Rick Massimo said,

    January 13, 2009 at 0:30

    I was just thinking that what the Middle East needs is an American whose knowledge of the region comes from about a half-hour a day of Fox News heading over there and telling everyone what to do.

  35. theperilouspea said,

    January 13, 2009 at 0:31

    I enjoyed silent library almost as much as I enjoyed slipping “Poop” into a conversation when I was graduating from Collegiate grammar school to detention .

  36. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 13, 2009 at 0:48

    He told a group of reporters that he was a “peace-loving man,” but that “when someone hits me, I’m going to unload on the boy.”

    I think it’s worth noting that Joe the Reporter also just admitted he beats children.

  37. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 0:51

    I was just thinking that what the Middle East needs is an American whose knowledge of the region comes from about a half-hour a day of Fox News heading over there and telling everyone what to do.

    Joe will never know how lucky he is that there are people with cameras following him everywhere. I assume that makes people somewhat more hesistant to kick the shit out of him.

    I think it’s worth noting that Joe the Reporter also just admitted he beats children.

    Or worse, depending on his usage of “unload”.

  38. WereBear said,

    January 13, 2009 at 2:27

    Let the Republicans continue to devolve.

    Once the reach the point where all their time is spent finding lice and looking for sticks that are already pointed, they will cease to be an organized force.

  39. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    January 13, 2009 at 2:51

    Once the reach the point where all their time is spent finding lice and looking for sticks that are already pointed, they will cease to be an organized force.

    They’ll disappear when the big-money backers realize it’s better to prop up the useful fools on the Democratic side instead, I reckon.

  40. g said,

    January 13, 2009 at 2:52

    “when someone hits me, I’m going to unload on the boy.”

    Love this – there will be many Israeli Hebrew speakers scratching their heads trying to figure out what this American idiom means…

  41. shaun said,

    January 13, 2009 at 3:58

    “War is hell.”

    “Waaah, they’re firing home made rockets at me!!!”

  42. honus said,

    January 13, 2009 at 4:25

    Pajamas media has just demonstrated how callous and shallow they are by sending a totally unqualified quasi-celebrity into a seriously tragic and dangerous situation. They really can’t care about what they tout as a fundamental struggle over the fate of humanity when they turn it into a third rate rate reality show by dispatching such a clearly inadequate correspondent solely for the entertainment value, and to profit from the very real suffering of the combatants and civilians. Remind them of that the next time they accuse liberals of being callow or unserious.

  43. El Cid said,

    January 13, 2009 at 4:49

    Update:

    Via Ta-Nahesi-Coates, PJTV features Not-Joe the Not-Plumber bitching out a bunch of Israeli journalists on how they’re making him the story and how ‘they shouldn’t ought to be making the Hamas, you know, and making the Israel look bad you know, ain’t Israel got a right to defend itself, have you ever said that on the air???!!!’

    Dude just looks down and keeps writing and say, “I’m just a reporter,” which prompts a big dismissive sniff from Talker, Texas Plumbass.

  44. jim said,

    January 13, 2009 at 5:38

    I’m honestly torn – part of me agrees that the GOP needs to play “Find The Missing 40 IQ Points” … yet another part of me longs for the lollercoaster-ride that is sure to accompany their descent into the plight of a one-legged man in an ass-kiScoff if you must – but I bet Israel feels just peachy with Joltin’ Joe The Ersatz Plumber on their side now – I mean, heck, just look at what an awesome job he did for John McCain’s campaign!

    When I see that pinkish dome of his shining in the sun, for some reason, it makes me think of this.

  45. jim said,

    January 13, 2009 at 5:39

    FYI, “a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest” was redacted to protect the defenders of rural idiom … & because my laptop was being an emo bitch.

  46. Neon Ovenlight said,

    January 13, 2009 at 5:45

    How does this shitwad write or hold a microphone with his knuckles dragging behind him?

  47. Arky said,

    January 13, 2009 at 5:47

    A prediction:

    Once the chickenshits and pants wetters of PJTV realize they’d never dare get that close to things going boom and they see how all the ladies are listening wide-eyed to his tales of daring-do, they’ll ditch him.

  48. bayville said,

    January 13, 2009 at 5:49

    Is this guy the dumb Gannon brother?

  49. g said,

    January 13, 2009 at 6:42

    This guy is Gannon without the smarts and sex appeal.

  50. gbear said,

    January 13, 2009 at 7:27

    PajamasTV = Roto-Reuters.

  51. watchdog said,

    January 13, 2009 at 7:36

    “I’m in the bunker, I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles,” Wurzelbacher said. “It was fear at first, then outright anger, and then me wanting some kind of retribution. I’m not a person that runs from things, but when it’s a missile, you run.”

    You should come out here to Baghdad, it’s been months now since any of us had to scramble and run to our concrete bunkers due to rocket or mortar fire, when one of our trailers took a direct hit (no casualties thankfully). Of course other parts of Iraq still get shelled regularly, and our siren goes off from time to time, but still Joe, I’m sure you’d feel safe here in Baghdad, didint Bush make it safe for people like you to vacation here (beware of flying shoes though).

  52. Chimera said,

    January 13, 2009 at 9:56

    Oh the Humanity

    Dr. Squid, that Silent Library game show had me literally laughing out loud… for ninewhatever minutes. Yeah, I watched the whole thing; it’s a riot!

    Premptive FYWP

  53. chocolatepie said,

    January 13, 2009 at 17:13

    What, is that like the South Korean version of “Ow My Balls”?

    Nope, it’s the Japanese version of “Say this tongue twister correctly or it will be Ow My Balls.” I think we need to have this sort of punishment system set up for some of our world leaders.

  54. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    January 13, 2009 at 19:15

    I think arranging for that kind of punishment system in American education systems would probably do wonders for everybody.

  55. EnfantTerrible said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:28

    Silent Library game show had me literally laughing out loud

    Ah, the inner meaning of the quote “the beatings will continue until morale improves” is finally illuminated!

  56. Parrotlover77 said,

    January 13, 2009 at 20:40

    The “unload” comment simply cannot be repeated enough. Nothing says “I’m a peace-loving guy” like disproportionately kicking the ass of somebody who hits you. I’m trying to remember what the fella Jesus he loves so much would have to say about what you should do when somebody hits you. Man what was it? Turn the other knuckle to their jaw? No… Turn the other elbow to their eye socket? No… Turn the other foot to their face in a round-house kick? No… Turn the other waterboard and dunk them? No… Man… What was it???

  57. Manly Jesus said,

    January 15, 2009 at 0:08

    If someone smites you in the face, crush their balls with your foot!

  58. Bina said,

    January 15, 2009 at 4:30

    “I’m not a person that runs from things, but when it’s a missile, you run.”

    Please, Mr. Worthlessfucker…next time you see a missile coming straight for you, be a super-duper macho man and DON’T RUN!

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