12
The inevitable showdown
Hello, tens of thousands of Atrios and Crooks & Liars readers. Welcome back, and we’re very glad you’re here.
From IMAO, the conservative site that’s supposed to be funny:
You Attack One IMAO Blogger, You Attack Us All!
Posted by Frank J. at 06:51 PM | TrackBack (0)[Summary of opening paragraph: Who's this 'Sadly, No?' They made fun of us. Wha?]
Still, a humor contest does seem like the thing to prove that we conservatives are funnier. I can see it now: three humor pieces. One making fun of an issue from the conservative side, the other from the liberal side, and then a humor piece that’s of a non-political topic. A panel made up of half liberals and half conservatives (and one moderate for tie breakers) picks a winner in each category without knowing the author. Best two out of three wins.
Know what? We have more traffic than these mean, nasty liberal people which means we’re funnier. Case closed.
Um, not so fast, pal.
Welcome once again, multitudes of Atrios and Crooks & Liars readers. We’ve put out bowls of popcorn, please be careful of the rugs.
Oh, and this guy challenged us to a duel. We’re not going to let him get out of it that easily, right?
Tachikoma said,
August 12, 2005 at 8:50
Perhaps I’m too much of a geek, but we could have Lincoln and some weird Vulcan dude on our side, and they could have Ghengis Khan and some weird genocide dude on their side. Not to mention that tall, unkempt chick throwing sticks. Just substitute Michelle Malkin. Now to find a six-eyed lava beast as a judge…
Anonymous said,
August 12, 2005 at 8:51
Judges? We don’t need no stinkin’ judges! Ha, Ha, Ha, I kill myself.
rimone said,
August 12, 2005 at 13:05
sorry dude…WND’s index page (or any one of michelle malkin’s posts [the toxic twat, as i call her] wins hands down every damn day, LOL
Frank J. said,
August 12, 2005 at 13:34
We are funny too! I’ll make you admit it! That’s my new goal in life… at least until I get my coffee and head to work.
Why do you think you guys got blocked, anyway? I think you’re the only blog I’ve seen that the coal mine I work at doesn’t allow.
Unless there’s a blog crackdown coming…
teh l4m3 said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:10
-Knock, knock.
-Who’s there?
-Orange.
-Orange who?
-Orange you going to call the police because Kyle Williams is being sodomized in Captain’s Quarters with the old perv’s peg-leg?
Blar, har, har.
Harry Cheddar said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:12
Frank, you wouldn’t know funny if it stole your lymph nodes and left you with a violated mangina. Or something.
Brad R. said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:18
I *heart* the logic!!
Know what? We have more traffic than these mean, nasty liberal people which means we’re funnier. Case closed.
And to use an analogy I used yesterday, because Everybody Loves Raymond had higher ratings than The Simpsons, it’s obviously the funnier show. And because Britney Spears has sold more records than Bjork or Tori Amos, she’s obviously the superior musician. O, this is fun!
Vivek said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:23
Damn, Brad beat me to it. And here I was going to make fun of their particular mob. I mean, I could say things like “Descartes was more influential than Hume, therefore he’s the better philospher,” but I don’t think they’d understand it.
Brad R. said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:26
John Grisham’s THE FIRM sold more copies than THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS. Know what that means? That’s right- it’s a better book!
petercollada said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:31
They may have more hits per day, but you’ll also notice the visits to their site are very short.
MoonBat said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:34
As for popularity, people stare at car crashes and road kill (I like to bring a pointy stick) at least as much as they like to go to museums.
batshit
jjoats said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:35
Toon of the Day:Crawford, TX
Gavin M. said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:43
Brad’s posts get lots of links, while mine don’t. Therefore Brad is better-looking.
Dan Someone said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:44
And how many of their hits were people from Our Side, going because Sadly, No! linked to it? I suppose Frank J. could claim Our Side was there to steal state comedy secrets from Their Side. That sounds like a conservative humorist’s move, no?
Brad R. said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:47
Gavin draws lots of traffic by starting blog fights, while Brad is a milquetoast. Therefore, Gavin has a sweeter ass.
Gavin M. said,
August 12, 2005 at 15:58
Gavin gets S,N! threatened with lawsuits, while Brad is beloved by all. Therefore Brad has more money.
Brando said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:08
I believe Frank has slapped you in the face with a rubber chicken.
Judging from the content at IMAO, their idea of funny is putting a detainee’s inside a surgical glove and forcing them to blow it up.
Brad R. said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:10
Oh, that reminds me, Gavin- the MG Law Firm called. THey’ll see your ass in court next week.
Yosef said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:18
Guys, evidently there’s another metric of funny. You have to be rated high on TTLB or it’s not funny. That’s the only way to be funny at all. Unless you’re Marie Jon’ or Conservative Humor
apostropher said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:26
Of course Sadly, No is much, much funnier than IMAO, but we don’t even need to get into this. Our side has The Editors. Game, set, match, bitches.
Lucy said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:37
Oh, don’t even bite at this “contest” nonsense. They’re fishing for attention. And what sort of amusement value would there be in it for us? We’d just have to read a bunch of pallid attempts at humor (did you see the home pages of some of the posters the others were lauding as LOL Funny?). It’s perfectly OK to call them unfunny and not have to get into a big thing about it. Hit and run, boys, hit and run. Swift Boat ‘em.
Ralph Dosser said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:39
In my heart, I know I’m funny. Reader’s Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.
Perhaps some night we could maybe get together and swap humorous stories, for fun.
Katinula said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:39
“Oh, and this guy challenged us to a duel. We’re not going to let him get out of it that easily, right?”
To borrow a phrase, “um, Sadly, No!”
Gavin M. said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:40
Of course Sadly, No is much, much funnier than IMAO, but we don’t even need to get into this. Our side has The Editors. Game, set, match, bitches.
Yeah, like he’d be anywhere without us.
Gavin M. said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:50
Hey, is Yosef still here?
blah said,
August 12, 2005 at 16:51
Yes, duel away. I said DUEL. All right, who’s idea of funny is blog wars? If you really want to beat Frank, post something funny. “He doesn’t know who Descartes is, he must be retarded” har har indeed. The fallacy is not reverse causal. Until you can prove why you’re funnier, his logic about the traffic on his blog proving the funny still stands. Come on, really, what this is about is you don’t like conservatives. This has nothing to do with humor. “Never!” you’ll say. Dogmatic extremists?
Either post something that approaches funny, or shut it. Ad hominem does not a joke make. The traffic is small enough on both sites that if you were funny, liberals would come and visit your site and you would have more traffic than Frank. Give me a break. Just because it’s obscure doesn’t make it good. So go ahead, make me laugh.
Lucy said,
August 12, 2005 at 17:18
The point, “blah,” is that the discussion started with Sadly, No’s opinion that the conservative humor site is not funny. It’s a facsimile of funny, made up of cliche “joke templates,” as one of the commenters so astutely opined. We the readers agreed. No “proof” of who’s funnier is necessary, because it’s inarguable that IMAO leaves us cold. Is this some kind of Battle of the Blog Stars where there’s a trophy at stake? Who’s the judge? I have other things to live for than to jump through hoops for anyone who comes along and challenges me, “Make me laugh.” What’s in it for me?On the other hand, I suppose not fighting for the Ultimate Funny Blogger Challenge on command will bring the charge that Sadly, No was too scared or something, because that’s the way conservatives view the world (“I’ll fight you for it! What, are you too much of a pussy?”). So whatever, let’s jump in, Sadno leaders, if that’s what you want. I’m sure we’ll back you up if that’s what you want.
Yosef said,
August 12, 2005 at 17:22
I’m here, Gav.
Yosef said,
August 12, 2005 at 17:23
“In my heart, I know I’m funny. Reader’s Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.
Perhaps some night we could maybe get together and swap humorous stories, for fun.”
“Oh ho ho, Frenchy!”
kiche said,
August 12, 2005 at 17:36
In the words of the commander in chimp, “BRING IT ON!!!”
tigrismus said,
August 12, 2005 at 18:13
A spanking! A spanking! “Know what? We have more traffic than these mean, nasty liberal people which means we’re funnier. Case closed.” Wait, what? Did they just wuss out in the self-same post they used to issue the challenge? And declare the wussing a victory? And include a bonus logic fallacy as a lagniappe? Jesus Mary Joseph, they are funny.
Lucy said,
August 12, 2005 at 18:15
Funny, but tbogg has highlighted a recent James Wolcott column that says perfectly what I meant to say about this “prove you’re funnier than us,” though it was written on a different conservative internet-based challenge:
http://jameswolcott.com/archives/2005/08/how_do_you_like_2.php
He says: “Michael J. Totten, doing his best to fill Glenn Reynolds’ penny loafers over at Instapundit, is chagrined over at his own blog at my disinclination to engage in ‘dialogue.’
“Get used to that chagrin and keep it in a cool, dry place.
“I have no desire in dialogue as either noun or verb. ‘Dialogue,’ like ‘conversation,’ is one of those fuzzy-wuzzy feelgood words that means absolutely nothing. Scarcely a year goes by without the call going out that we need a national dialogue or national conversation about race, and before you know there’s a phony town hall meeting hosted by Ted Koppel with the usual suspects on stage and after a suitable period of earnest droning everyone goes home and forgets about it until the next call for ‘a conversation about race.’
“In blogging, the dialogue fetish seems to me even sillier. I write what I write, you write what you write (whoever you may be), and let readers decide who sings most like a nightingale.”
Tweet!
Brando said,
August 12, 2005 at 18:52
Okay, read IMAO’s “What’s Wrong With Democrats These Days” post from a couple days ago. Would anyone with a sense of humor higher than Bob Saget’s find that funny? The answer is, sadly, no! I mean, when you have to drag in a “more cowbell” line or an exceptionally weak and inoffensive gay joke, you have officially reached the gritty bottom of the Ovaltine repertoire.
MoonBat said,
August 12, 2005 at 19:11
I get it.
We are now in a state of Kramden, requiring a full Rankout ritual.
batshit
Inside every fat man is a skinny man trying to get out so he can eat everything in sight. That is why the man was fat to begin with.
Emperor Shaddup IV
Doon the Dessert
Planet
Meat for dinner sometime soon! Boffo!
Dan Someone said,
August 12, 2005 at 19:57
Meat for dinner! Shmai-Genug willing.
xsleeptech said,
August 12, 2005 at 20:19
Have they mentioned the Clenis yet?
Because that’s GOLD baby! Pure comedy GOLD!!
olexicon said,
August 12, 2005 at 20:26
Judging from the content at IMAO, their idea of funny is putting a detainee’s inside a surgical glove and forcing them to blow it up.
the comedy of howie madel is clearly agaiinst the geneva conventions!
agrippacash said,
August 12, 2005 at 20:45
OK I just visited IMAO. After I got over the fact that their logo apparantly predates my own I realized that their site was rendering very slowly due to heavy traffic. This means that they are getting funnier by the minute.
Come on guys, if your readers keep visiting their site then you’ll never be as funny as they are. Since apparantly they have more visitors and are therefore more teh funner I have a few suggestions to help you guys close the gap.
1) More TOP 10 lists: Every day you don’t post a list of ten is a day that you fall further behind.
2) Advertisements for unfunny T-Shirts. Your posts will look that much funnier.
3) Print unfunny excerpts from other websites (see above)
4) a) Take an old joke
b) Re-tell it, changing as little as possible
c) Comedy Gold
5) Be considerably less funny
Sorry I could only think of 5, you guys should do a TOP 15 tomorrow to make up for it.
aaron said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:09
Great, the old “half libs half conservatives” canard.
Well, now that the treasonous assholes in the GOP have moved the goalposts of “mainstream conservativism” to mean arbitrary detention and torture, we’re all liberals now. If you’re not, you can explain your case to the prison guard when you’re being rendered — I’m sure they’ll clear up the mixup before your genitals are attached to any electrified clamps.
Ryan said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:16
“OK I just visited IMAO. After I got over the fact that their logo apparantly predates my own I realized that their site was rendering very slowly due to heavy traffic. This means that they are getting funnier by the minute.”
Does that mean their conservative humor is funny?
I used to think Bushisms were conservative humor. But I guess the definition of conservative humor is just whining about liberals.
I’m tired of thinking more ways to use “conservative humor” in sentences. I’m done linking conservative humor to Sadly, No! Seriously. No more conservative humor for me.
Jefe said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:20
I checked out IMAO, and lemme tell ya, I’ve taken funnier shits. Hooha! No but seriously folks, what’s the deal with airplane food?
MoonBat said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:21
You might be a conservative if
You’re sure your driving down the middle of the road and your passenger side tires get stuck in the mud.
No, make that the driver’s side tires.
6. Logos involving your mascot involve inflicting fatal wounds
7. You have cigar envy because all you have in your pocket is a bent Virginia Slim.
8. Your favorite soul song is “Dribble on a Blue Dress”.
9. You cotourier is a major consumer of petroleum.
10. You write in Perle scripts.
batshit
Yosef said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:22
I know what you mean, Ryan. It’s so much typing to put in the HTML for Conservative Humor
Yosef said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:32
I just posted this on another thread, but I want to be sure someone can answer my question:
What I don’t get about that website is why, if they’re so right wing and conservative, the main color on the page is red and it says in big letters at the top “MAO”. Is that some secret code that they are really Maoist Commie-Symps?
MoonBat said,
August 12, 2005 at 21:42
No, they aren’t comsymps. The MAO is a spelling problem. They’ve been reading too many of Missy Amber’s recipes.
batshit
chb said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:06
Why does Tony Perkins of the FRC hate the lord? http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2005/08/12/thou_art_no_romeo/
chb said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:07
i mean, why? http://cardcarryingmember.blogspot.com/2005/08/tony-perkins-lords-hypocrite.html
erquirk said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:10
F*** ‘em up, Gavin! IMAO, they’re LAME.
Vestal Vespa said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:14
Therefore, Gavin has a sweeter ass.
I think that sounds like a challenge.
Line ‘em up boys!
Lucy said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:19
When I see the abbreviation IMAO, I don’t know what it stands for but I think it has to do with “I My Ass Off.” What could the I stand for, though? Itching is all that comes to my mind.
GregH said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:30
Irritating?
GregH said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:32
IEDing?
tigrismus said,
August 12, 2005 at 22:44
“IMAO” is the less humble counterpoint to “IMHO”.
Lucy said,
August 12, 2005 at 23:18
Then what’s the A for? Asinine? Aggrandized, self-?
MoonBat said,
August 12, 2005 at 23:55
Arrogant (asshole)
batshit
tigrismus said,
August 12, 2005 at 23:58
Ooh crap, sorry for not saying, it’s for “arrogant”. I have a bad habit of assuming everyone knows everything I do, plus the extra stuff I don’t. My driving directions are a nightmare for my poor victims, let me tell you.
Gavin M. said,
August 13, 2005 at 0:00
‘In My Ass Off?’
piotr said,
August 13, 2005 at 0:28
I guess that Sadly, No! has a very good apolitical entry — the saga of feline conspiracy.
Political bashing the conservative: done.
Bashing the left: any posts about DLC? Or a “far left” rant? I guess that you can find it.
My point is that people who invent “ha-ha funny after one six-pack” jokes are perhaps not a lost cause. You offered friendly advise to Marie Jon’ and Amber Pawlik, you can offer three entries to our IMAO friends. Judging: a web poll, what else?!
MoonBat said,
August 13, 2005 at 2:48
I haven’t read a lot of Marie Jon`
Amber is a lazy writer. I use her recipes as an example. Unles someone had a Glock wedged up under her jaw, forcing her to type, she was not required to post the recipes. She consistently failed to elucidate ingredients properly. (Oneida is a variety oof raw tubers, not a brand of processed potato porducts, that’s Ore-Ida.) There are two sizes of frozen hash browns (only two ounces different, but there are two sizes.) More importantly, there are two styles, chunked and shredded. She does not differentiate which is the preferred variety.
Am I to brlieve she was unaware of the irony that juxtaposed a recipe for potatoes slathered in Velveeta and mayo with instructions to remove all fat from a chicken breast?
Any one who takes responsibility for such a blog deserves the derision it inspires.
batshit
Guano is a valuable product
jexter said,
August 13, 2005 at 3:27
Did blah really say:
” Ad hominem does not a joke make.”?
‘Cuz check this shit out:
Guy is getting a checkup from his doctor; doctor says “You’ve got 6 months to live.” Guy says “What?? I want a second opinion!” Doctor says “O.K., your ugly too!”
bah doomp. “G’night everybody! Try the veal!”
Frank J. said,
August 13, 2005 at 6:38
My “What’s Wrong with Democrats” post was hacked out in one minute while and is admittedly lame compared to my other stuff, but when I’m just writing junk to keep the page updated, I still outcless everything here. I mean, funny is like… uh… right here – not here on this site but where I’m pointing right now – and all you guys are over somewhere… you know… like a desert… far from the funny and not easily accessible to it by plane or automobile. A boat is out of the questions, because it’s a desert.
Anyway, none of you have a sense of humor. You’re just monkeys imitating the behaviorisms of telling a joke and laughing afterwards, but you aren’t actually telling jokes and you aren’t actually laughing. It would be sad, except that you’re monkeys, so it’s funny.
Monkeys are funny. If you were a smart humor guy like me, you’d know that sort of thing.
Now excuse me while I count my sweet blog money, losers.
Gavin M. said,
August 13, 2005 at 9:25
“Monkeyth are funny. If you were a thmart humor guy like me, you’d know that thort of thing.”
Sure thing, Daffy. Does this mean you’re backing out of the contest?
Brando said,
August 13, 2005 at 19:18
Give it up, Frank, your whole site reads like that What’s Wrong With Dem’s list. And I’m not saying that from the political slant. I will laugh at something if it’s funny. One of my favorite SNL sketeches of all time was Dukakis After Dark. It’s just that you wouldn’t know a punchline if it socked you in the balls (which would actually be funny).
Kathleen said,
August 14, 2005 at 2:58
the contest is over folks: http://www.thepoorman.net/2005/08/14/get-your-tickets-now/
Nabakov said,
August 14, 2005 at 6:07
“You Attack One IMAO Blogger, You Attack Us All!”
Sounds suspiciously like collectivism to me.
However, if S,N is gonna be confronted with more sidesplitters like this random IMAO quote -
“”Did you see that 60 Minutes segment with President Clinton and Senator Dole on Sunday?”
“No, but I shot the first reporter who asked me about it,” Rumsfeld said as he drew his luger and shot the reporter. “For the last time, keep your questions about war!”
- I suggest you declare victory and pull out.
mdhatter said,
August 15, 2005 at 5:07
He loaded both barrels with wit
and only fired off one.
Honey said,
August 15, 2005 at 12:43
I can be funnier than FrankJ in one word: :Booger!
Thank you, good night.
Yosef said,
August 15, 2005 at 14:34
“You Attack One IMAO Blogger, You Attack Us All!”
Sounds suspiciously like collectivism to me.
See! They are Maoists!!
a spanking said,
November 14, 2005 at 3:50
This isn’t really what I was hoping for