Dec
27
27
The Gift That Keeps On Giving
In waging the GWOT, apparently there are not only no depths to which our country will not sink, there are also no heights which it will not mount:
‘Viagra lure’ for Afghan warlords
America’s CIA has found a novel way to gain information from fickle Afghan warlords – supplying sex-enhancing drug Viagra, a US media report says.
The Washington Post said it was one of a number of enticements being used.
In one case, a 60-year-old warlord with four wives was given four pills and four days later detailed Taleban movements in return for more.
Nice to see we stand up for traditional marriage abroad as strongly as we do here at home.
LittlePig said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:17
Like Ylegasias (or however you spell it) said “Who says the Agency is not hip and creative?”
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:18
Oh yeah! That’s what I want to see, a bunch of blood thirsty sociopathic warlords with hard ons! I imagine that will do wonders for the Afghan rape statistics.
LittlePig said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:20
The 60 year old said “it allows him to show his [four] wives who the authority in the house is”. I thought, so he beats them with the damn thing?
Jennifer said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:34
Well, it had to come to this, you know.
The whole exercise was started as an exhibition in dick-waving so it’s only natural that Viagara would enter the plot at some point.
Dan Someone said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:36
This is just Phase One. The real goal is to get Viagra and the other boner drugs into circulation (so to speak) among the Taliban and Al Qaeda forces, in the expectation that they will not have appropriate medical personnel to consult when they get those life-threatening four-hour erections.
WereBear said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:42
Will, Bill Maher maintains that this whole thing is a byproduct of not enough women to go around, and religious restrictions that would keep them frustrated.
This will certainly stir the pot.
Simba B said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:43
If there was ever an appropriate time to remind everyone of this story, it is now.
Simba B said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:43
Bill Maher needs to keep his mouth shut when it comes to women.
DocAmazing said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:46
I, for one, salute this drive to stiffen the resolve of our point men at the front. Probing for intelligence requires penetrating insight. We must not be soft on terror; we must bend them to our wills.
Tyrone Shoelaces said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:51
What do the Mormons think about this?
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 18:55
The whole exercise was started as an exhibition in dick-waving so it’s only natural that Viagara would enter the plot at some point.
Well I figured that Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfiled were mainlining the stuff, but I am surprised that they are sharing it with the Afghans. I mean, wasn’t the whole point of this exercise to make them our bitchez?
WereBear said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:06
Bill Maher needs to keep his mouth shut when it comes to women.
Well, on this subject he is capable of being a complete ass, I agree.
But the twisted sexual outlook, which we see in our own Wingnuts, is part of the problem with these religious extremists.
Look at the example there; a sixty year old with four wives.
That’s three poor guys who wind up with no woman at all.
And that’s not even counting how many women like the arrangement. I’m guessing NONE.
Snorghagen said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:10
Our tax dollars are being spent on inducing Muslamofascist boners? Someone needs to tell Pammycakes!
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:13
Our tax dollars are being spent on inducing Muslamofascist boners? Someone needs to tell Pammycakes!
As if the bloody minded Islamofascists were not already outbreeding our pure white-as-the-driven-snow, totally righteous and holy Talibangelicals.
zzx said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:20
Huh huh, he said “stand up”, huh huh…
tensor said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:26
Well, we’ve had eight years to see how well this Administration screws everything up, so this is the logical outcome.
Clem said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:29
Things got awkward when the warlord tried to return the favor with opium.
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:32
Things got awkward when the warlord tried to return the favor with opium.
Nah. Pickles said thank you very nicely (and VERY sincerely).
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:34
Maintaining that CIA gusto for stupid-ass fucking plans, apparently.
Ha ha, remember when they tried to cover Castro with Nair so his beard would fall out on national television, and he’d *die* of embarrassment? Ho ho, or that time when they tried to kill Castro with exploding sea shells? Hee hee, or that time when they tried killing Castro by invading his fucking country, thereby setting off the tone of geopolitics that resulted in the Soviets moving nuclear missiles within 90 miles of the American coast?
Man, you crazy, CIA.
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:37
Maintaining that CIA gusto for stupid-ass fucking plans, apparently.
I think that this perhaps has more in common with Air America in SE Asia or the Contras in Nicaragua. I mean the world is so much better off with cheap China White and Crack, now isn’t it?
Brian J said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:38
I like this idea. It’s not torture, and if it’s working, it’s working to help us.
dAVE said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:40
Hell, Viagra just might save the rhino and the tiger from extinction.
After all, Viagra actually works, as opposed to ground up rhino horn and tiger penis.
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:41
Hell, Viagra just might save the rhino and the tiger from extinction.
In that case we need to be giving it away in China & Taiwan, not Afghanistan.
One of the Goatish Old Warlord's Four Wives said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:42
It’s not torture,
Speak for yourself, bucko.
Me said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:43
Does this mean that every time we capture an Afghani village, that little “boing” sound effect will play?
jon said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:51
The makers of Cialis and Levitra got their pants in a tightened wad when they heard this. Another no-bid contract!
We must have Congressional investigations! Where is Dennis Kucinich when we really need him?
Me said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:55
Where is Dennis Kucinich when we really need him?
Ironically, fucking his really hot wife.
Mickey Kaus said,
December 27, 2008 at 19:58
Is there any way I can get in on this, this Viagra in, erm, goat country thing?
Mooser said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:06
I love reading the morning news and being right about which items will be grist for Sadly, No!’s mills.
theperilouspea said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:12
Goat cheese being churned by the light of the buttery moon
Jolly jolly churn by
To last me all my nights
One churn to learn
One churn to burn
And one churn to send home to my significantly more intelligent other
Joly jolly other
mikey said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:14
Hmm, some of my friends at Sadly, No! seem AWFULLY hard to please.
This is only about forty thousand times better than dropping bombs on them, locking them in camps and “interrogating” them or kicking their doors down and terrifying them.
Obviously, since we don’t seem to be able to articulate a mission or a strategy in afghanistan it’s well past time to get the fuck out of there, but since we seem stubbornly focused on making sure bin Laden and his buddies have an active recruiting tool, I’d much prefer we used pills over explosives.
I will acknowledge that’s just my opinion. The alternative is being displayed for all to observe and measure tonight on the Gaza border….
mikey
MzNicky said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:21
I’m a little confused™ about the arrangements here. The Afghan “warlords” are permitted conjugal visits? Or they’re running around loose and free, supporting their new drug addiction by providing their pushers with information about the Taliban, after which they go home and sexually assault their long-suffering wives for hours on end? And if they’re warlords, who are they warlords of, if not the Taliban? And we ARE the great Satan after all, aren’t we?
bago said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:22
I will bravely state that I am for the “Boners, not bombs” program.
Simba B said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:25
Yeah. I’m with mikey on this one. If the alternative is bombs, and with the American military, that’s what it is, then I’m willing to go along with it, while duly noting the feminist objection here.
Let’s get to the point where they’re, you know, not dead and then we can start talking civil rights.
theperilouspea said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:25
Lets wash the dishes in the morning
Let the kids learn through experiences in hush a bye ignorance
Lets close the barn door after dinner
Lets deal with our faith by having none in others
Lets set all our eggs in a nice basket
Lets count our chickens for Ponzi
Lets act on our first impulse with violence as our restraint
Lets not negotiate with ourselves
Ooh ! There’s Russia
Righteous Bubba said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:31
I believe this applies.
WereBear said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:36
I agree, it’s better than dropping bombs on them.
But, as usual, they are going after the goal without any thought to possible fallout.
If these warlords go blind or their genitalia stops working, what then?
I think they might get a tad exercised about that. It’s not like they are reading the package inserts.
Another Kiwi said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:47
And, uh, this is The CIA we’re talking about here, folks. Has anyone checked to be sure that it is Viagra they’re getting?
Boners not bombs is fine by me alright but so would some sort of programme to make the warlords irrelevant, some of that there freedom and Democracy that Mcflightsuit was drooling on about for a while there.
noen said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:55
I agree with Mikey — boners not bombs. Couldn’t we have done that from the start though?
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 20:56
Have to say that I agree this is better than bombing the shit out of folks, but I still think there are some potential “unforeseen” consequences (as is usual in CIA operations – anyone remember how and why the Taliban originally rose to power???).
Snorghagen said,
December 27, 2008 at 21:08
It really doesn’t matter. Those Central Asian woodies won’t last long. As the American way of life takes hold in Afghanistan – which, of course, it inevitably will – our Pashtun brethren will surely follow the lead of seventeen US states and the District of Columbia and outlaw “covered male genitals in a discernible turgid state.”
At which point the whole Viagra campaign will just go limp.
Joe Max said,
December 27, 2008 at 21:11
As Tip O’Neil said, “All politics is local.”
mikey said,
December 27, 2008 at 21:12
Boners not bombs is fine by me alright but so would some sort of programme to make the warlords irrelevant
Yep. Precisely the problem in afghanistan. What is your strategic goal, and how will you recognize that you’ve accomplished it? A strong central government? Not going to happen, there’s never been one, and you have too many factions in play in that blighted place.
So you click down to “a stable state that doesn’t export terror” as a strategic goal, and then you NEED regional and tribal warlords and strongmen with armed militias. You just pay them a stipend to make sure the factions you oppose all end up dead. But here you have the problem of economic sustainability. The people need a way to generate income, and in afghanistan under the warlords that’s going to be poppies. If you eradicate the poppy industry, you lose the warlords because they have no other source of income but you, and they won’t stand for that. If you leave the poppy trade in place you end up with a LOT of junk in europe and asia, and they get pissed about it.
And of course, as long as there is no viable economic infrastructure, there will be no cohesive nation, and the west does not have the stomach to invest tens of billions of dollars over two to three decades to build out clean water, electric, transportation, health care and education infrastructure in afghanistan. Since it’s completely obvious that’s not going to happen, and there is no long-term value to america in any of the other courses of action, I fail to see the value in fifty thousand american soldiers running around with guns, pills and money.
Pull out, leave some intel gathering and covert strike assets in the region and stop wasting everybody’s time, money and lives.
Sheesh, this shit’s just not that hard. We have history books functioning as “cheat sheets” that tell us what’s going to happen. As they told me in the recovery program, the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviors and expecting different results….
mikey
WereBear said,
December 27, 2008 at 21:25
I’m sure they are telling themselves over and over… this time, we’ll get it right.
As mikey pointed out, the goal itself is elusive, erratic, and ephemeral.
Still, can’t be a playah without the game, ya know.
Susan of Texas said,
December 27, 2008 at 21:36
I doubt the warlords would go to their wives when there are so many poor and unprotected young girls around. And young boys.
Mikey is right, but if this is what we’ve come to, we need to get out of Afghanistan. Because of its location Westerners have been meddling with it for years, and they always get their asses handed to them on a platter. But no, we’re the US and are long, hard and erect. We’ll win becasue———-well, because we’re special.
Susan of Texas said,
December 27, 2008 at 21:43
Sometimes I hate us. And yet there are so many wonderful people here. How are we getting drowned out by the Goldbergs and Coulters and Bushes and Cheneys? The gun nuts and racists and warmongers and women-haters?
Obama was a revolt of a sort, but he can’t overthrow the rest of the elites, only we can.
itwasntme said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:08
I think this Viagra idea is heading in the right direction, but with the wrong sex involved. One well-placed gold necklace on some wife or other would wreak havoc in the Kush.
Duros62 said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:12
Gives “Make Love, Not War” a whole new meaning, don’t it?
Better than the “Gay bomb,” I guess.
Still, there must be an awful lot of nervous goats in the hills right about now.
Arky the Lumberjack said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:13
Great, when one of those guys drops dead from the sudden strain, good luck convincing his nearest and dearest that he wasn’t poisoned. The other sucky thing is the Taliban will start whacking any old guys who start smiling a lot.
This actually makes me nervous. Will there come a day when I’ll do anything for the little blue pill of perkiness?
Another Kiwi said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:13
Nail meet Mikey. He’s hitting you on the head. It’s just bullshit that it’s so hard. The real reason is that Cheneyac was not in the rebuilding game. Just likes to smash stuff.
I blame the Liberal media, myself or teh gays or Globaloney warming or feminazis.
Sympathy to you Susan
Susan of Texas said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:19
Hmmm, as a liberal feminist supporter of gays and global warming, this might all be my fault.
Another Kiwi said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:24
Yeah, me too. It couldn’t possibly be the courageous members of the 101st Keyboards could it?
DrDick said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:39
Yeah, me too. It couldn’t possibly be the courageous members of the 101st Keyboards could it?
It is definitely all our fault. After all, conservatism can never fail! /s
Smut Clyde said,
December 27, 2008 at 22:47
If these warlords go blind or their genitalia stops working, what then?
If it’s any consolation, people have been checking the long-term visual effects of
viagrasildenafil citrate (inhibitor of phosphodiesterase type 6 blah blah blah essential enzyme blah blah blah phototransduction cascade blah blah blah). It can degrade colour vision in the short term but no lasting effects.A typical phrase from the literature:
“Four male observers (authors A.S., L.T.S., A.T., and G.J.) participated in these experiments.”
jim said,
December 28, 2008 at 6:00
Yep, pills are an improvement over cluster-bombs … but I think I see a teeny-tiny bug in this particular program.
Okay, so let me see if I’ve got this right … a lot of these rural Afghanis are deeply devout Muslims – & one of the Taliban’s main selling-points for their jihad against the Great Satan invading their country is that they’ll turn everyone into degenerate sex-perverts. The wily CIA responds by handing out free Viagra to helpful warlords. Your tax dollars at work & play.
Coming Soon: the “Porno For Freedom” airlift & a daring new “Bukkake For Democracy” surge!
I take it MENSA isn’t headquartered in Langley.
jim said,
December 28, 2008 at 6:50
Damn, someone on MetaFilter beat me to it.
TEH SURGE IS WORKING!
Sigh.
Mr. Todd said,
December 28, 2008 at 14:57
how dare any of you question our glorious freedom boners
Lex (Agent of Chaos) Azagthoth said,
December 28, 2008 at 15:32
Were–I’m on a MacBook at the moment. Did finally kick this flu I’ve had (knock on wood). I’m rather glad I don’t know what “clipboard” is at the moment. If I can’t fix it I’ll just restart, which I was too lazy to do in my flu-induced comatose state of yesterday.
Lex (Agent of Chaos) Azagthoth said,
December 28, 2008 at 16:17
TEH SURGE IS WORKING!
Yes!! Viagra knows no bounds. Is Cialis jealous? And what medical care do these guys get for the infamous “erection lasting more than six hours”?
Daniel said,
December 29, 2008 at 13:17
Hell, Viagra just might save the rhino and the tiger from extinction.
Yeah, but do you know how difficult it is to give a tiger Viagra?
actor212 said,
December 29, 2008 at 19:04
Yeah, but do you know how difficult it is to give a tiger Viagra?
You pop a kitty porn tape in the VCR, see…
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
December 30, 2008 at 6:26
I agree with Mikey — boners not bombs. Couldn’t we have done that from the start though?
Yeah.
Though, as you’ll recall, the start wasn’t only bombs – it was daisy cutters and food dropped from 20,000 feet in little packets that looked just like the bomblets. That meant we were GRATE HOOMANITARAINS.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
December 30, 2008 at 6:27
…wait, I thought a daisy cutter was a cluster bomb, but looks like I was wrong.
another jim said,
December 31, 2008 at 0:00
I propose that we rename the GWOT to the TWOT, for “Terroristic War of Tools”.
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