Comments on: Another Brilliant Wingnut Plan to Fight Terror

By: W. Kiernan

W. Kiernan — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 12:58:52 +0000

A person of Polish extraction and another person who professes the Hebraic religion encounter an Italian gentleman or lady in a certain architypical setting. Serially, each performs zany antics, exemplifying in a humorous way his or her ethnicity!

By: gordo

gordo — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 00:28:17 +0000

Janak’s got a brilliant plan, all right, but she’s forgotten something:

Let’s say everyone on the subway is armed. Janak’s riding to Bensonhurst to check out a used car that she saw advertised. She tells her funniest wop joke. Remember a game on Sesame Street called, “What happens next?”

By: Yosef

Yosef — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 04:09:24 +0000

“Of course, he was wise enough to produce a context where folks weren’t drawing on each other all the time,”

Just as long as they weren’t drawing on hogs either.

By: The Dark Avenger

The Dark Avenger — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 03:12:51 +0000

Heinlein wrote of a society where everyone was either armed or wore a brassard that indicated they weren’t to be shot at, being weaponless and all that.

Of course, he was wise enough to produce a context where folks weren’t drawing on each other all the time, (reduce the collateral damage and all that), and of course armed robbery was out of the question, it being a cashless society and all that.

I suggest that she move to Haiti, where terrorist bombings aren’t common, and the populace is awash in easily-obtainable firearms.

By: Paul the Spud

Paul the Spud — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 02:51:24 +0000

The law-abiding citizens are able to stop the terrorist in his tracks and call the police on their cell phones.

Her cell phone works in the subway? Man, when I was living in NYC, I couldn’t get halfway down the subway entrance stairs and still have a signal. Methinks Cynthia is well on her way to having a phone-shaped tumor the size of a mango sticking out of the side of her attractive pinhead.

By: erf

erf — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 23:11:06 +0000

Marq’s got it right. Basically, it’s your best bet if you want to start a fistfight with an Italian. But by all means, righteous church-going women should be able to use it for titters.

I think the jokes she’s been forced to repress go something like this:

Janak: “Wop!”
Congregation: [uproarious laughter]
Janak: “Kike!”
Congregation: [crying laughter, sides splitting]

wop : italian :: mentally deficient grammar challenged greedy bigoted lying hypocrite gunslinging wingnut bastard : republican

By: Marq

Marq — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 16:12:44 +0000

“Just a thought. Also, what the heck does ‘wop’ mean?
Posted by Christopher
Actually, some time back on some show on the History Channel whose title escapes me, it was said that “wop” originated during a period of time when great quantities of Italians were emigrating here somewhere toward the beginning of the 20th century. Many of then just came over, essentially “illegal aliens” in today’s idiom. They had no official documentation. At Ellis Island, New York, the staff started referring to them as WOPs: With-Out Papers. It has since become a more generic insult to those of Italian heritage.

By: Vladi G

Vladi G — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 13:30:09 +0000

You still think that you are free?

Fuck no! America stands for Freedom. But if you think you’re free, try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese.

By: Gavin M.

Gavin M. — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 13:09:44 +0000

With a soccer ball, you’re only allowed to kick it.

Or something like that.

By: Yosef

Yosef — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 12:01:02 +0000

What’s the other punchline?

By: Gavin M.

Gavin M. — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 05:07:04 +0000

Wah! That’s better than the other punch line.

By: Yosef

Yosef — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 04:26:19 +0000

The soccer ball goes away when you kick it?

By: Gavin M.

Gavin M. — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:33:01 +0000

Q: What’s the difference between a wingnut and a soccer ball?

[...]

By: Strange Forces

Strange Forces — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:27:55 +0000

As an American, who happens to be half-pole and half-wop (Woppole? Nah. Polop? Ugh!), I’d like to say that I can make you an offer I don’t understand.

But seriously, folks! “Wah wah wah, I’m a well-to-do white woman, and I can’t make fun of anyone!” Suck it up and get a life.

By: amblongus

amblongus — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 01:52:30 +0000

“There’s a black feller, a Pakistani and a Jew, standing in a night club having a drink. [Pause] What a fine example of an integrated community!”
— Bernard Righton, about 10 years ago.

By: helenomicon

helenomicon — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 23:55:10 +0000

I LOVE when white people talk about how “oppressed” they are because they can’t tell ethnic jokes anymore. What’s that I hear? Is it the smallest violin in the world?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 23:54:08 +0000

I did my masters thesis in Fisheries Oceanography on the Pollock, and I can personally say that I’ve been persecuted for trying to make jokes about them. MANY TIMES. I just thank God I didn’t include the Walleye Jew and Striped Wop in my grant application, or I never would have been funded in the first place.

By: Doug

Doug — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 22:47:25 +0000

We can’t tell jokes about “Pollocks,” Jews, or Wops anymore? Dammit, there goes the toast I’d written for my friend Vaclav Wasserstein-Fanuzzi’s rehearsal dinner.

Can we still tell jokes about Micks, Krauts, Spics and Chinks, though? Or are we restricted to Canucks and Frogs?

By: Yosef

Yosef — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 21:29:41 +0000

If everyone had guns, as we see in cowalker’s example, there would be a much greater chance of a Pollock-Jewish-Wop-Mexican Standoff.

By: cowalker

cowalker — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 14:28:20 +0000

“Let us say that the populace is armed. Jayne is at the 7/11 buying a gallon of milk, Frank is at the same 7/11 getting diapers for his new baby and Martha is there getting a cup of coffee before the start of her shift at the hospital and Raoul is behind the counter. Bill and Abel enter the 7/11, demand the money from the register, and point a gun at Raoul. Jayne, Frank and Martha drop to a firing position and pull out their guns.”

Suddenly Jayne’s five-year-old son hurtles around the Frito-Lay display and drops a liter bottle of soda in surprise at seeing the stand-off. Martha fires at him instinctively, fearful that a third member of the criminal group has gotten the drop on them. Bill brings Martha down with two shots while Abel shoots Raoul, who hasn’t had time to reach for his gun. Frank takes out Bill with a shot in the back, but Abel escapes with $359.00 from the cash register.

The mayor awards Jayne’s five-year-old with a posthumous medal for bravery under urban fire. Raoul’s widow and two children get double-indemnity on his $15,000 employer paid insurance policy. Martha’s husband is stricken with grief at her death, and is on suicide watch in a mental health institution. Bill is paralyzed from the shoulders down, and is being maintained in a semi-conscious state with a feeding tube.

The mayor is chuffed, because it’s not nearly as bad as the incident a few days before when nine people died during an attempted bank robbery, including a security guard killed by a nervous bank patron.