Comments on: Porn Generation, Pt. 2: Everything Bites

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 10:55:15 +0000

Damn, I wish I had saved the now-vanished UCLA Bruin Republican party snaps from Ben’s undergrad days, where it’s clear the other ladies and gentlemen are getting their drink on just prior to getting their swerve on–and there’s Ben, sitting in a Barcalounger wearing a suit, completely outside the action. Oh what a world, where not even the campus conservatives bother to pay more than lip service to the ideal of chastity.

If anybody has those pictures saved, please post them. They are a priceless relic from a vanished time of Ben’s willed ignorance and thus bliss.

By: Marq

Marq — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 20:31:15 +0000

Bill S: "Jim, I'll concede that Ben is cuter than Justin Darr, but, hell, I'M cuter than Justin Darr." Shit--who isn't? Hell, by comparison to Justin Darr, effing Carrot Top is practically a major hottie. Not that I'd sleep with either of them either. Cripes, at this rate, I'm gonna have to turn in my Slut? lifetime membership card.

By: Bill S

Bill S — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 05:36:18 +0000

Jim, I’ll concede that Ben is cuter than Justin Darr, but, hell, I’M cuter than Justin Darr. But there are still standards, cute or not. Ben Shapiro is so stupid he couldn’t find his own ass without a map, and that’s a HUGE point against him.

By: Jim

Jim — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 05:18:51 +0000

Marq, I’m pretty picky about what young wingnuts I’d be willing to blow. VBen, sure. Justin Darr, not if I was tied to the stakes and the matches were ready.

By: redneck

redneck — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 21:08:36 +0000

That lil’ virgin boy looks like Jeff Gordon in that pitcher! And Gordon is a quer! Yee-haw!!!

By: Marq

Marq — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 09:34:15 +0000

Jim, as a card-carrying faggot, let me be the first to say, “Eeewww!”
But better you than me, I s’pose….

By: Jim

Jim — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 05:59:04 +0000

Mr. Mordant, thanks for posting those lyrics. Whenever I get the stupid “Black Sabbath are devil worshippers!” nonsense, I quote that song.

Um, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

Ben is good looking. Seriously. He looks very handsome in that picture.

And since, according to the kids these days, getting a blow job isn’t really sex, I can give him the best hummer he’ll ever experience and the Sadly! No crew can *still* call him the Virgin Ben.

Win/win in my book.

By: Mr. Mordant

Mr. Mordant — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 04:17:22 +0000

Oh, ferfucksakes. As a long-time atheist, I was rolling my eyes at Black Sabbath’s heavy-handed preaching in songs like “After Forever”:

Have you ever thought about your soul – can it be saved?
Or perhaps you think that when you’re dead you just stay in your grave
Is God just a thought within your head or is he a part of you?
Is Christ just a name that you read in a book when you were in school?

When you think about death do you lose your breath or do you keep your cool?
Would you like to see the Pope on the end of a rope – do you think he’s a fool?
Well I have seen the truth, yes I’ve seen the light and I’ve changed my ways
And I’ll be prepared when you’re lonely and scared at the end of our days

Could it be you’re afraid of what your friends might say
If they knew you believe in God above?
They should realize before they criticize
that God is the only way to love

Is your mind so small that you have to fall
In with the pack wherever they run
Will you still sneer when death is near
And say they may as well worship the sun?

I think it was true it was people like you that crucified Christ
I think it is sad the opinion you had was the only one voiced
Will you be so sure when your day is near, say you don’t believe?
You had the chance but you turned it down, now you can’t retrieve

Perhaps you’ll think before you say that God is dead and gone
Open your eyes, just realize that he’s the one
The only one who can save you now from all this sin and hate
Or will you still jeer at all you hear? Yes! I think it’s too late.

Sure, they were singing stuff like this while indulging in enough groupies and coke to make the ancient Romans look like Puritans, but if hypocrisy were important to idiots like Ben, people like Limbaugh, O’Reilly and Bennett wouldn’t have careers anymore.

And, of course, bassist Geezer Butler was the band’s lyricist, not Ozzy, although he’s more trendy to bash.

By: Vestal Vespa

Vestal Vespa — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 02:26:08 +0000

So not only is Ben completely out of touch with popular culture (Madonna’s most recent “literary” efforts have been children’s books.), he’s also lacking any bit of common sense.

Like most conservatives his age, he’s just parroting what he’s heard other, older conservatives saying. The boy hasn’t had an original thought in his head in his whole life, it’s just too scary. It’s much easier to smugly live in one’s little bubble, with reassurances from Coultergeist and O’Lielly that he’s the finest of his generation for perpetuating the idiotic lies they’ve been spewing forever.

By: matt

matt — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 01:02:38 +0000

This guy has to be the biggest square in America. I know Hasids who have more fun. He must jerk-off to the photos of Coulter on her books muttering, “Spank me harder Mistress Ann, I have been bad, I have had Leftist thoughts.” What a scary guy in so many ways.

By: Gail

Gail — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 22:33:13 +0000

I’m pretty sure that Ben wrote this book as a means of getting laid.

You see, I’m pretty sure that his pretty boy looks combined with his whole “Wah, I’ma conservative virgin” schtick is sure to appeal to some young liberal woman who will want to save him.

Or to lecherous older women who want to, um. Hrm.

Anyways, geez, most folks don’t need to write a conservative book to get laid. Talk about trying too hard.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 22:20:24 +0000

I’m beginning to think that the Conservative Movement has been infiltrated by Discordians, and that Shapiro in particular is a highly skilled Erisian pope. Nothing other than a plan to destroy it from the inside with absurdity explains Ben’s repeated, spectacular missing-the-point, absurdly outdated references and hilarious combination of naivety and judgementalism.

Other potential Discordian agents:
Dennis Prager – real mission to highlight the cracks in organised religion by spouting bollocks about Judeo-Christianity
Rick Santorum – real mission to highlight the cracks in the Republican Party by spouting the craziest shit he can think of and seeing if anybody calls him on it
Bill Frist – real mission to highlight the cracks in noted Illuminati front the American Medical Association by performing bogus telediagnoses, thus discrediting the entire medical profession

By: Bill S

Bill S — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 19:18:22 +0000

If I recall correctly(it was, after all, about 12years ago or so), Madonna’s “Sex” coffeetable book, for all its hype, was a monumental flop. Nobody bought the damn thing; the price alone drove most people away from it. Whatever diehard Madonna fans DID buy it, were probably adults, not corruptable teens and preteens. (No parent of kids that age would through away money on something like that.) So not only is Ben completely out of touch with popular culture (Madonna’s most recent “literary” efforts have been children’s books.), he’s also lacking any bit of common sense.

By: Mirari

Mirari — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 14:56:18 +0000

Consider a world made up entirely of eighteen-year-old men and women, hormones raging, walk around in towels and pajamas like sisters and brothers

That shoud be “walking,” not “walk.” And here I thought getting into Harvard Law School was hard. I should have paid more attention to that idiotic “Legally Blond” movie.

Honestly, I teach second-graders that have a better grasp of pop culture and grammer than this nutjob.

By: D. Sidhe

D. Sidhe — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 14:51:59 +0000

Seriously, from Madonna to Jodie Foster with nary a Julia Roberts in the middle? Is Ben still bitter about the whole Hinckley thing?

By: Capt. Trollypants

Capt. Trollypants — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 14:05:58 +0000

I love the slam on Sabbath, as if he is trying to preempt the fact that War Pigs, a million year old song, literally shits all over W. and the rest.

CT hereby offers 1 billion dollars for proof that Ben’s genitals are not mangled, or that he is not asexual.

By: Walter Sobchak

Walter Sobchak — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 13:46:27 +0000

Man oh man… the last time I saw someone as ostentatiously virginal as this plump little cherry blossom, I was ripped out of my gourd and watching that Urkel show in Spanish with a bunch of Europeans who thought it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. Good times, man, good times… where was I? Oh yeah, Ben Shapiro: the white, real-life Steve Urkel, with ten times the lunacy!

Wow. Just fucking wow.

By: Jack of None

Jack of None — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:43:44 +0000

I honestly think that if Ben Shapiro ever gets laid, he will simply explode.

And he has no clue what goes on in a co-ed dorm. I was on a co-ed dorm floor and ‘dormcest’ was severely frowned upon by the inmates because of the drama potential.

By: Brian

Brian — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:09:03 +0000

I’m old so I don’t know what the kids are listening to. So I was hoping Ben would hip me to that scene. Then it turns out he rants about Kurt Cobain and Friends and Madonna? While’ve I’ve actually heard of these people, that was 10+ years ago, when I was Ben’s age. (Madonna is more like 20 years ago).

Dude sounds like my grandpa ranting about hippies well into the 1980s.

I have a feeling this guy is going to be really really pissed he didn’t have a tiny bit of fun when he was young.

By: teh l4m3

teh l4m3 — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 11:00:15 +0000

“I wanna take Ben to a GWAR concert.”

“I wanna take Ben to Amsterdam.”

I wanna take Ben’s rear virginity.
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Kidding! Ha, ha.
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Ha