Wow, don’t you love it when the Right brings out the shiny, original, never-before-heard-the-like Ted Kennedy jokes? Really tells you that this Cherry is one conservative who is on the ball!

Most liberals start every speech with the words, “We support the troops.” First of all, if they actually did support our soldiers they wouldn’t feel the need to keep reminding us how much they “support” the efforts of our young men and women in uniform.

Thanks for telling us what all those magnet “support the troops” ribbons really mean, Cherry.

The number jumped from the average of 43 to 69 for May and 67 in June. This increase in battlefield deaths coincides with the Newsweek story and the comments by Senator Durbin.

It also coincides with my sister’s birthday, the reappearance of the Mister Softee ice cream truck, and the beginning of summer vacation for U.S. college students. But we don’t hear anyone blaming those events for the increase in casualities, do we? Ah, well. I wouldn’t expect someone who clearly doesn’t understand physics or math to understand the difference between correlation and causality.

Personally, I believe the increased violence is due to all the excitement surrounding the upcoming release of the new Harry Potter book. Look for deaths to spike around the middle of this month. Every time someone reads, a soldier loses his life.

And finally: Clearly Air Force Brig Gen. Donald Alston, the chief U.S. military spokesman in Iraq, and Maj. Gen. William Webster, commander of U.S. troops in Baghdad, do not support the troops. Otherwise they’d be on board with Cherry’s insightful analysis of Dick Durbin’s effects on casuality rates. Alston & Webster, why do you hate the military?

Stick a hat pin in me, I’m done.

Yeah, try and find those anymore. I just take my GI Joes in the Humvee and go vrumm-vrumm, “Hey, here we are in Iraq! Any enemy action here?”

“No, Joe, the coast is clear.”

“Oh good, I’m on the lookout for enemies.”

Vrumm-vrumm.

“Hey Joe, watch out for that improvised explosive device!”

BOOM! Ba-ROOM! BLAM!

[shakes humvee, figures fly in air]

“Aaah!”

“Aaah!”

“I’m on fire!”

“Everything is ruined!”

“Retreat!”

“The USA is stinky and sucks and is gay!”

“You said it!”

Can this guy read my mind or what? I was just fantasizing about hatpins and Halliburton earlier today! Spooky, dude!

Whoa — do you think he picked up my fantasy about NotJenna and those ionic hair tweezers from the late night infomercials too?

scatter!!

Dear Mr. Cherry:

1. I’m glad you’re a history teacher; your physics sucks.

2. Gee, I hate my father? So good of you to let me know.

3. Who cut the pay of servicemen? As I recall, after GHW Bush cut force strength, the Republican Congress during Clinton’s administration fiddled with military pay. Ditto re intelligence. Oh. Yeah. But you’re a history teacher. You would know that. So since Clinton signed the bill, he’s the one who’s actually responsible. Uh huh. Although I seem to recall some vetoes being overridden, too.

4. North Korea wouldn’t be such a mess if Bolton hadn’t been such an unauthorized dickhead. And wait! I thought it was China who Clinton gave away all our nuclear secrets to. That N. Korea got its nookyoulur stuff from Pakistan. Ooooo, I am so confused. (Ah, a normal state for a liberal, yes.) I would be much more concerned for the teens of Michigan if the history you were teaching depended in any way on a knowledge of modern political history.

5. Your reportage of Newsweek article is wrong. One point in that article was incorrect, and a correction of that point was made. The remainder of the article still stands.

6. You misrepresent Senator Durbin’s speech. Senator Durbin did not compare our American servicepeople to anyone or anything. May I suggest that you re-read said speech, perhaps a few times, to better improve your comprehension. (Your biography states that you are a writer; I’m sure you realize that it is imperative for a professional writer’s reading comprehension to be excellent and impartial.)

7. Darlin’, it’s quite obvious that you wouldn’t recognize cause and effect if it laid down a clear pattern, with charts, databases and 3D CGI:

Despite the dismantling of insurgent strongholds in cities such as Fallujah and Ramadi during the past year, the monthly U.S. death tolls increased from 36 in March to 52 in April to 80 in May, according to a USA Today analysis of Defense Department data.

Car bomb attacks also increase and decrease, depending on insurgents? activity. November saw 105 car bombs, according to U.S. military figures. That number fell to 52 in January before rising to 55 in February and 59 in March. Car bombs jumped again to 135 in April and 140 in May ? the most per month in the war ? before dropping off again in June.

6. Where are my wings? I haven’t gotten any wings!

Ostensibly yours,
moi

Heeey, waidaminnit! That’s homo talk! Graah! Ah’m angry! Woo! Woo! Huck, snaw!

I read that Cherry email posted by Seattle Slough and watched as my irony meter exploded. So, Cherry pit, what was all that invective in your article? You shur have a purdy mouth.

So that’s something missing from the full, deluxe blog experience here, yeah, certainly.

Let them do what liberals do best, insult and malign with no purpose.

Mmm. Sounds like a plan. Hey Brian, looks like someone spilled a huge pitcher of Molly Hatchet all over you. Chortle, snuck, haw!

This should be a good reminder to
you of why Conservatives are the top of the food
chain.

Always thinking about food, that Brian Cherry.

I sent the following:

“You really ought to check out the comments over at SadlyNo. They are trashing the heck out of you.

Go defend yourself Brian!”

Brian replied (from bcherry68@yahoo.com) with this:

“Thanks for the warning, but there really is no point.
I am not overly with this site, but if they are
trashing me, I have upset them I can only assume they
are liberal. If they are mad I have succeeded.

The only hole in my column is the inside joke I put
into the first line. That was put there to get a
chuckle out of a very small number of people.

Let them do what liberals do best, insult and malign
with no purpose. This should be a good reminder to
you of why Conservatives are the top of the food
chain.”

For what it is worth.

*dies from shock*

Ah, but does he have a SiteMeter or similar? ;-P

No ivory towered snobbery for this boy. HIs own intellectual outhouse will do nicely as he’s taught the flies to hum patriotic tunes.