Dec
4

Shorter Paul “Deacon” Mirengoff




Posted at 21:42 by Brad

The Washington Post seeks that elusive final victory

  • The MSM seems obsessed with talking about President Bush’s supposed “mistakes,” when they could be asking far more pressing and important questions about Bill Clinton’s penis.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

141 Comments »

  1. PeeJ said,

    December 4, 2008 at 21:57

    Clenis clenis Clenis
    Who the fuck, apart from these obsessed pricks can really get hard over the goddamn clenis? Join the21st century and tell me about Obama’s penis already.

  2. Me said,

    December 4, 2008 at 21:57

    His main gist seems to be that the MSM supposedly harps on Republicans to “admit their mistakes”, but never does the same to Democrats. The point he’s missing is that the MSM only asks Bush to list his errors because they have been utterly derelict in doing it themselves, which I’ve heard is supposed to be their job.

  3. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:01

    Why is this cocksucker so obsessed with…?

    Oh.

    Nevermind.

  4. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:07

    As George W. Bush completes the last weeks of his presidency, the phrase “bloodied but unbowed” comes to mind.

    Or “oblivious” or “shameless” or “doesn’t know he is tracking turds on the carpet.”

  5. TritoneSub said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:07

    Just watch, after Hill has been SoS for a while, it’ll be the clintoris. Nah, she’s not randy enough but it would be funny. Or not. Yeah, I vote for not.

  6. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:08

    Join the 21st century and tell me about Obama’s penis already.

    That’ll never happen. Too scary.
    (It’s twue, it’s twue)

  7. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:08

    By late 2009 the name of chimpo will be Verboten among the wingnuts/nutjobs/whackjobs. All the problems in America, legion as they are and pretty much all caused by repigs, will be instead the fault of the Clenis and Malcolm Hussein X. Any questioning about the period 2000-2008 will be met will hateful stares and vague implications that you hate America.

  8. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:09

    the phrase “bloodied but unbowed” comes to mind.
    Oddly enough, that also describes the violin after my unsuccessful attempt to learn to play it.

  9. TritoneSub said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:11

    Ah Lily VonStupp. I would loosen my bullets…

  10. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:12

    after Hill has been SoS for a while, it’ll be the clintoris.

    They’ve already been there and done that, during the primaries. Major fear of teh vagina- dentata.

    How soon we forget.

  11. El Cid said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:13

    Sometimes Democrats act like there was some mysterious Republican President in between Bill Cleninton and Barack Hussein Islamobama X, like some mystery guy just showed up and invisibly messed everything up. Hmph.

  12. sagra said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:15

    Please, Santa. All I want for Christmas is for that guy to get punched in the face repeatedly. And next year, if I’m good enough and I drink my milk and do all my chores, I’m gonna wish for him to get punched in the nuts. Repeatedly.

  13. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:19

    Or whether Bill Clinton regrets giving al Qaeda a virtually free pass while disgracing himself and his office by having sex with an intern and then lying about it?

    Somebody missed that Chris Wallace interview.

  14. El Cid said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:22

    I will never forgive Bill Clinton for not letting George W. Bush Jr. do anything about all the reports of terrorist activities in his first 8 months in office. Had Bill Clinton allowed George Bush Jr. to hold a meeting about this instead of telling them “Okay, you’ve covered your ass,” we might not have had those 19 Democrats hijack planes and fly them into buildings.

  15. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:25

    Any questioning about the period 2000-2008 will be met will hateful stares and vague implications that you hate America.

    How are they going to refer to 9/11 and our grand democratic victory in Eey-Rack, then?

  16. Fozzetti said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:37

    HaHaHaHa! “Bloody but Unbowed”. good one.

    How about: Shat his trousers repeatedly, but isn’t embarrassed. Claims it smells like Jasmine flowers and looks like a glorious sunrise.

  17. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:38

    The bottom line on Bush is that he has cited a few mistakes, could no doubt cite a few more if he were so inclined, but has no obligation or good reason to do so.

    Indeed there is no reason Americans should know a god-damned thing about the folks they elect. It’s nobody’s business.

    Surprisingly only two cites of the famous Santayana quote at Powerline.

  18. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:38

    How are they going to refer to 9/11 and our grand democratic victory in Eey-Rack, then?

    Clinton–SHUT UP!

  19. Fozzetti said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:40

    OT but interesting: Roy Edrose is being heavily TROLLED (Or Ogre-d if you prefer) at the VV:

    http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2008/12/rightbloggers_c_1.php

  20. funluvn said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:40

    Hey Deac?

    Is it true that Bill Clinton’s penis has gone where No Man’s has gone before?

    That is far more important than:

    o Contrived fear fed to the public in large doses.

    o Invading Iraq.

    o Invading Iraq on the premise of absolute lies made up by the neo-cons.

    o Invading Iraq because you wanted to profit from the war.

    o 4,200 dead American’s in Iraq. Likely a million dead Iraqi’s.

    o Mission Accomplished, you arrogant bastard!

    o Katrina. Brownie. Hell of a job. New Orleans still in shambles.

    o Alberto Gonzales,Donald Rumsfeld,Condi Rice, Vlad(the Impaler)Cheney.

    o Stem cell research set back years.

    o Spying on Americans. Jeebus, Bush! WTF?

    o Blackwater mercenaries / Halliburton kickbacks.

    o Cronies profiteering from the American people.

    o Wiping your ass with the Constitution.

    o Laughing at the Rule of Law. Two Americas, indeed…

    o In general hatefulness shown to anyone not in your personal circles

    o Financial ruin of a nation that may never overcome the damage.

    Yep, that Bush is a real dandy, Deac. Too bad we don’t know about Jimmy Carters days in the peanut fields with the “ladies” before his wife tamed him.

  21. justme said,

    December 4, 2008 at 22:44

    I believe the quote was “looks like Jasmine flowers and smells like a glorious sunrise”, but they fixed it in the transcript.

  22. PeeJ said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:02

    Deacon of the Mired Goniff queried “[...]but which politicians in 2000 were expecting a war?”

    He’s got a point there. Bush didn’t really expect in 2000 that he’d get to have the war he so desperately wanted. So, in that sense, Bush wasn’t expecting a war. Just hoping for one.

    Clenis!

  23. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:03

    Wow, Fozetti…I didn’t realize our very own DocAmazing was a serial rapist…of men!

  24. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:05

    FFS – I thought that the morans woulda shutta dere-ah mouths-ah after getting slaughtered in last month.

    Dan Eggen (in a crappy piece trying to make Boosh not look like the evil shitbag he is) – Bush is now admitting some mistakes, this is a change from previous when he could not name anything he did wrong.

    Powertool – That Dan Eggen is full of it – I remember Dear Leader admitting to regret over “Bring it on” (June 2008) and the Mission Accomplished banner (November 2008).

    Well, since the wingnuttosphere must be hurtin (see NRO), here’s some editting for Mirengoff – gratis:

    The bottom line on Bush is that he has cited a few mistakes, but only in these closing months of his Presidency – exactly as the Wash Post piece claims, could no doubt cite a few more if he were so inclined, but has no obligation or good reason to do so.

  25. Matt T. said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:17

    OT but interesting: Roy Edrose is being heavily TROLLED (Or Ogre-d if you prefer) at the VV:

    Ya know, if those yay-hoos spent as much time trying to quash domestic violence (of any stripe) as they do complaining that poor, helpless, oppressed men are being made to look bad because someone with a vagina points out that there’s still an awful lot of guys slapping the shit out of anything that moves, while it might not end said violence, it’d certainly be a better use of their collective time and energy. I understand neither their long-term goal nor who they think their helping with the never-ending whining about the plight of Penised-Americans in this cold, hard world on women who think they got a right to not get beat on a daily basis by her MAN.

    Sheesh. Pandagon’s got more about folks who are PISSED that someone dares to suggest that domestic violence might be taught in violent households so they’re calling and harrassing donors. Here’s a link to the Family Place’s donation page. I gave ‘em $30, and that bunch of howler monkeys can kiss my country ass.

  26. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:21

    It really is a shame how the dreaded emmessemm totally ignored teh Clenis and his sexual depravities. If it weren’t for wingnut bloggers, we’d never hear of it – even say eight years later when his wife decides to try for the Democratic presidential nomination.

    Bloodied but unbowed? Can Mirengoff name one quantitative measure where Bush’s administration outperforms Jimmy Carter’s? GDP growth? Stock market increase? Apporval rating? Support for America abroad? Number of terrorist attacks? Number of US servicemen not sent to Arlington National Cemetary? Number of jobs created? Come on, defender of the legacy of Bush – just one objective quantifiable standard where King George has done a better job than the hated peanut farmer.

  27. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:22

    Ack…fucking WordPress…..

    I was saying that maybe Bush is just subject to Baron Bodissey’s Taboo Hypothesis and adding lots of pretty pleases for a post on this incredibly horrendous post. Yes, it’s that bad! I promise. Enough for even The Truth to like.

  28. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:25

    Can Mirengoff name one quantitative measure where Bush’s administration outperforms Jimmy Carter’s?

    Carter got Reagan elected and Bush got Obama elected…

  29. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:27

    Can Mirengoff name one quantitative measure where Bush’s administration outperforms Jimmy Carter’s?

    Halliburton’s dividend?

  30. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:39

    RB and actor212,

    You both have great points – but there’s no way that Mirengoff’s gonna admit to either of them.

    GDP growth: Carter averaged 3.2% Bush averaged 2.3%
    National Debt: Carter increase of 0.18 Trillion, Bush term 1 increase of 1.15 Trillion
    Approval Ratings Carter’s lowest? 28% – Boosh? 19%

    Seriously, can any rightie actually find one positive thing about the past eight years?

  31. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:43

    Baron Botty-Jelly haz hypothesis?

  32. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:46

    End of Term Approval Rating Carter 34%, Bush? we’ll see
    Net job creation Carter’s one term – +10.3 million, Bush’s up to October +4.4 million

    So barring an influx of 6 million jobs since the election – which would probably do wonders for Georgie’s apporval rating, Carter’s got him beat on all of these.

    Fuck, I think the price of gas might even have gone up more on Bush’s watch than it did during Carter’s term despite the fucking oil crisis.

  33. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:47

    PS I have no idea why I keep tpynigs apporval. I hope that that meets with your apporval.

  34. kiki said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:50

    Um… no offense, D-KW, but is this you?

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/14208.html#comment-721674

  35. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:55

    Ironic, then, that Reagan was elected partly running against Carter’s budget deficit, which stood at a shocking $80 billion dollars…

  36. PeeJ said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:58

    Unbefuckinglievable. I have never seen a whinier bunch of pansy-assed XY organisms. OK, there was this one drag show where the girlz got all “woe is me” but other than that, I mean. Those guys are pafuckingthetic.

  37. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:58

    Um… no offense, D-KW, but is this you?

    Oh, I fucking wish it were. No, you can tell because I take the hyphen in my name very seriously.

  38. stryx said,

    December 4, 2008 at 23:58

    “bloodied but unbowed”

    George Bush after a night with Jeff Gannon

    “bloodied but unbowed”

    George Bush after one night with a pretzel

    “bloodied but unbowed”

    Dick Cheney after a mob drove a stake through his “heart”

  39. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:02

    Also, here’s the correct formulation:

    I’m fucking Dragon-King Wangchuck. Don’t lecture me on embarassing myself.

  40. cowalker said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:07

    I saw some of Gibson’s interview with Commander Codpiece on The Daily Show last night. It looked and sounded as though Codpiece couldn’t be arsed to think hard enough to remember what happened during the past eight years. To him, it’s water under the bridge and no sense worrying about it. No skin off his nose that some people had the skin burned off their bodies in the war he started based on lies.

    He’s coasting happily into retirement where he’ll think intriguing thoughts about Boomers who decide to volunteer their time to help the less fortunate, while personally dividing his time between drinking and getting wildly overpaid for giving incoherent speeches to audiences made up of the Republican base.

  41. PeeJ said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:11

    I’m fucking Dragon-King Wangchuck

    So am I.

  42. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:26

    We are all Spar^H^H^H^H John D^H^H^H^H^H^H Dragon-King Wangchuck!

  43. Orange Tom said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:27

    I’m fucking Dragon-King Wangchuck

    I thought Sarah Silverman was taking care of that, no?

  44. Northern Observer said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:29

    Powerline is one sad little website ain’t it. Almost seems unsportsmanlike to mock something so puny looking. Almost.

  45. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:33

    Fuck you Vurdpress!!!

    People keep thinking I am Sarah Silverman. I keep telling them that we both just say cunt a lot. Seriously though, it’s getting weird.

    Pere–oh, please check that post. So much fun.

  46. Dan Someone said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:35

    I’m fucking Dragon-King Wangchuck

    So am I.

    Is this from some kind of porn remake of Spartacus?

  47. tigrismus said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:38

    I’ve never seen a hypnotoad wearing a suit and tie before.

  48. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:39

    Dan–no. It’s not. I am fucking Dragon-King Wangchuck.

  49. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:41

    I’d like to take a moment to reiterate my affection for Matt T. And not just cuz he’s a Suthren boi and that basically his name is representative of my son’s, whom I adore.

    Taking myself over to the VV thread. Tx Fozzetti — am I in the mood.

  50. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:42

    Well, I for one am NOT at the present time fucking Dragon-King Wangchuck. Sounds like he’s busy already.

  51. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:44

    I’ve never seen a hypnotoad wearing a suit and tie before.
    Then you have not watched enough Fritz Lang movies.

  52. mikey said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:44

    I guess it’s pretty clear that Senor Wangchuck is getting a great deal more than I am.

    I’m SO depressed…

    mikey

  53. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:45

    Sounds like King Wangchuck is dragon a train.

  54. Another kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:46

    Ah the hynotoad never lie……………………………….do ya.

  55. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:50

    Surprisingly only two cites of the famous Santayana quote at Powerline.
    Those who have every intention of repeating their mistakes are strongly motivated not to learn from them.

  56. tigrismus said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:51

    I get a 404 on your link, Smut; Mabuse? M? Nurtz.

    Also: Porn-Dragon-King?

  57. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:53

    I get a 404 on your link,
    Erk. Supposed to be ‘Testament of Dr Mabuse’.

  58. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:56

    Supposed to be ‘Testament of Dr Mabuse’.

    Hypnotoad Bikini Party too subtle?

  59. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 0:58

    Holy. Crap.

    But Bush didn’t collect the intelligence; he simply relied on the intelligence collected and analyzed by others. The fact that he wishes the intelligence community had served up better intel is not much of a mea culpa. I regret that the restaurant where I had lunch today didn’t serve up a better meal, but I mostly blame the restaurant.

    Oh, WELL THEN. Bush didn’t fucking fly to Iraq himself and search for weapons therefore the war isn’t his fucking fault? EX-SQUEEZE ME?

    Yeah, well, Pauly Numbnuts, your restaurant analogy is missing the little detail of how your vice president went in back and threatened to shoot the chef in the face if he didn’t fuck up your meal. Why someone would do something SO MONUMENTALLY STUPID as that is a marvel, but not as much a marvel as starting a pre-emptive war on flimsy justifications backed by cherry-picked intelligence and then claiming that the war was justified anyway because terrorists/democracy/freedom yadda yadda blurp blurp blurp.

  60. Spartacus said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:02

    No, I’m Dragon-King Wangchuck!!!

  61. tigrismus said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:03

    Gotcha; the opening to that film is fantastic, perfectly setting the mood for what is to come. But Mabuse is a genius, Mirengoff, well…

  62. Another kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:04

    And when they brought the meal to your table and it was deep fried road kill possum and you nibbled some and said it was Kobe beef. That wasn’t your fault either?

  63. Gary Ruppert said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:06

    The fact is, he is the Deacon, and David Broder is the Dean, of the liberal biased press corps. They still tilt far to the left and do not completely understand and amplify the significance of Bush’s hugley successful presidency.

  64. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:07

    Yeah, well I’m motherfucking Dragon King WangChungKickingBird up all your asses! Yeah!

  65. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:10

    And when they brought the meal to your table and it was deep fried road kill possum and you nibbled some and said it was Kobe beef. That wasn’t your fault either?

    The point is, it might have been Kobe beef! If he had never ordered he would have never known, would he?

  66. Another kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:12

    The fact is that as a troll parody, this is not good.
    Or is the hivemind at Sadly No! argufying against itself, splitting off into more and more bizarre manifestations of itself, admittedly lowering the quality because as you increase the magnification you will lose quality of definition.

  67. Another kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:15

    If he had never ordered he would have never known, would he?

    And who’s to say that, in an alternate universe, it wouldn’t be Kobe beef?

  68. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:18

    See, the chef had already shipped all the Kobe beef across town, but had been pretending all along that the restaurant HAD it so as to impress the other businesses on the street. So it’s really the chef’s fault!

  69. Batocchio said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:19

    And Mirengoff is probably the sharpest of the Powertool boys…

    He’s correct, sorta, in that Bush didn’t admit personal error, and that’s a flaw of the Eggen piece, but Mirengoff isn’t going to point out that Bush wasn’t candid and accurate. He’s also not going to note that the WaPo editorial board is still cheerleading our presence in Iraq and ignored it’s own news department to defend outing Valerie Plame Wilson.

  70. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:20

    Bush stole the Kobe beef.

  71. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:23

    Okay, so I checked out that Village Voice/Edroso comment section. Then I tucked my tail and ran back for the safety of S,N!. I mean, wow. It’s scary out there. I shall now pour a stiff drink and weep for the future.

  72. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:23

    Or this gem:

    “Yes, the word “liberal”, as co-opted by the Left, has been ruined, at least in the USA. Like “gay”, “retarded”, and countless other once useful words, its meaning has been altered.

    Conservatives are liberal, and up is down.”

    I’m not goofing off with that one. That was said in earnest online. Whew.

  73. sagra said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:26

    Clinton’s worst failure was getting Bush elected.

  74. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:31

    Well, not if conservatives are now liberal. I don’t know, I’m going to change my entire worldview for that one.

  75. sagra said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:36

    Conservatives can’t be Liberal. They’ll get Liberalism all dirty.

  76. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:39

    sagra: Bush wasn’t elected.

  77. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:41

    “Yes, the word “liberal”, as co-opted by the Left, has been ruined”

    Wait, what? ’twasn’t “the Left” that turned “liberal” into a dirty word.

  78. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:43

    With the exception of a trip to “re-education camp,” nothing Bush could do would delight his liberal detractors more than such a confession.

    Campfire scene:

    Someone’s lying Lord, kumbaya
    Someone’s lying Lord, kumbaya
    Someone’s lying Lord, kumbaya
    Oh Lord, kumbaya

    [Singer looks sternly at Bush, who is using a stick to push beetles into the fire.]

  79. ckc (not kc) said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:54

    The point is, it might have been Kobe beef! If he had never ordered he would have never known, would he?

  80. tigrismus said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:54

    With the exception of a trip to “re-education camp,” nothing Bush could do would delight his liberal detractors more than such a confession.

    Nothing? Really? The man has no imagination at all. I, on the other hand, could make a mighty list of things I’d rather see happen to Bush, from aflatoxin to naked Antarctic zazen.

  81. ckc (not kc) said,

    December 5, 2008 at 1:55

    The point is, it might have been Kobe beef! If he had never ordered he would have never known, would he?

    And the chef did spit on the possum before he cooked it.

    [just to finish the thought]

  82. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:04

    And the chef did spit on the possum before he cooked it.

    And why? Because the Clenis!

    See? we’ve come full circle!

    ..or something.

  83. Susan of Texas said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:07

    I, on the other hand, could make a mighty list of things I’d rather see happen to Bush, from aflatoxin to naked Antarctic zazen.

    1) While driving drunk to Crawford, Bush crashes his car and is rescued by K-Lo, his biggest fan. She imprisons him until he makes love to her.
    2) Ma and Pa Bush move in with George and Laura in Dallas. Barbara spennds the next twenty years calling her son a failure.
    3).The ranch is overrun by off-shoots of the Militia Man, who kidnap Bush and force him to join them in invading Mexico.
    4.)Dallas runs out of booze.
    5.) Jeb is elected president and does a great job.

  84. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:19

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to mix the Baron Oddity with the Kobe Beef. But Bush did steal them both.

  85. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:19

    Shit, I forgot the Clenis! My bad.

  86. bobbo said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:28

    The Post wants to make Bush look bad? In an article in which they claim that Bush has admitted his mistakes, when in fact he has done no such thing? This is the MSM covering for Bush, not trying to destroy him. My head is going to explode.

  87. Doctorb said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:34

    With the exception of a trip to “re-education camp,” nothing Bush could do would delight his liberal detractors more than such a confession.

    Really, a “re-education camp” is a bit much, what with the totalitarianism that implies. I’d be happiest to see him hauled before a tribunal in The Hague to stand trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity.

    Other acceptable scenarios:

    Gets job as a consultant for oil interests in Iraq. Has encounter with a militia he funded and armed. Oops!

    Gay meth fetish waterboarding involving John Yoo, Alberto Gonzales, John Ashcroft, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condoleeza Rice (wearing Steely Dan III from Yokohama). Ashcroft is singing “Let the Eagle Soar”.

    Travels around giving speeches for exorbitant honoraria, but has to sit on stage through long, long, LONG introductions by William Kristol, Jonah Goldberg, and Burt Prelutsky. Survives by gnawing off his own leg.

    All his major errors or malfeasances are described by a calm and dignified interviewer over the span of 28 hours while he sits in a chair. Does not actually admit error, but is also unable to utter a single complete sentence during this time. Becomes more and more petulant until he actually takes a swing at the guy and is then tasered. The tasering and subsequent green-screen mashups dominate YouTube for years. History remembers him as Worst President Ever, subtitled The President Who Got Tased On TV.

    Goes to Africa to fight against “malaria or AIDS” like he said he wasn’t suggesting in that Charlie Gibson interview. While there, he does a lot of good for some of the world’s poorest and most miserable people, and feels a deep sense of peace and happiness. Manages to do more good as ex-president than evil as president, inspires other wealthy people to radically change their lives to benefit the poor.

    Hit by a snowmobile in a national park.

  88. tigrismus said,

    December 5, 2008 at 2:35

    Susan of Texas said,

    That’s what I’m talking about. I bet Mirrengoff doesn’t know even a single Liberal or he would never have said anything so ridiculous. I scoff*.

    *I have a scold.

  89. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:16

    And he has said that although, he didn’t have it put up, he shouldn’t have stood near that “Mission Accomplished” banner.

    Yeah, that was totally someone else’s fault.

  90. mikey said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:19

    Goes to Africa to fight against “malaria or AIDS” like he said he wasn’t suggesting in that Charlie Gibson interview. While there, he does a lot of good for some of the world’s poorest and most miserable people, and feels a deep sense of peace and happiness. Manages to do more good as ex-president than evil as president, inspires other wealthy people to radically change their lives to benefit the poor.

    I really like, and am actually somewhat comforted by this vision. In a world that more often delivered justice than bloodshed, this would be the outcome. And we would be, collectively, better for it. I wonder if the Kurdish widows and orphans find any relief in Saddam’s gruesome death.

    Sadly, this is the world of bared teeth and savagery, executive outcomes and final solutions. We try to find “closure” by killing, incarcerating, torturing. This is the world that seeks to kill what it doesn’t like and eradicate that which it doesn’t understand. The world where “airstrike” is a much more legitimate approach than “dialog”. Where “peace” is a temporary condition, and a willingness to wage war shows determination and resolve.

    So, I suppose, no. Bush and cheney brought horrors down on so many, for such selfish, ugly, hubristic reasons. Justice has to wear a darker face.

    It just has to….

    mikey

  91. Righteous Bubba said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:22

    Mikey, Creedish widows and orphans deserve what they get.

  92. mikey said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:26

    Well, hell, Bubba, if we could call some serious carpet bombing down on creed we could end our long national nightmare. Where was cheney and rumsfeld when forces were available to mobilize to end this scourge.

    It’s not too late – Predators can put hellfire missiles into arms wide open and we can finally begin to heal…

    mikey

  93. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:27

    Whee, look away for a few hours and you get fucked and forgotten – that’s what I get for being a voter.

    PS MzNicky – no disrespect for MrNicky intended, but you can have a rain check for anytime.

  94. WereBear said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:49

    Hmmm, maybe it’s not enough punishment (well, sure, it isn’t, but I have a feeling that Miss Laura will hire W a minder and establish some kind of independent life with her book money.

    I mean, he’s just going to get older and uglier and crankier. And he’s going to drink & drug, there’s no question of that.

    Especially as he gets older and can’t get the endorphin rush from exercise.

    If there is such a thing as Karma, he’ll go for meth.

  95. larkspur said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:57

    I’d like to see Dubya wearing a cheap polyester uniform jacket and bagging items at a 24 hour supermarket/drugstore, and when there’s a lull between customers, he has to do “go-backs”, which, if you’ve been in retail, sucks majorly, because it means re-shelving all the crap people decided they didn’t want after all, and sorting through which unwanted crap was unwanted because it was damaged or defective, and every time he starts to do go-backs, customers arrive and he has to return to the checkstand and bag stuff. Then his shift ends and the ice weasels come.

  96. larkspur said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:59

    There seems to be a wee thread of sympathy in the discourse about Laura Bush – and I’m not singling you out for criticism, WereBear, especially on account of I like you. But if Laura establishes some sort of pleasant independent life, hell, I won’t interfere. But I have no sympathy for her. None. She’s been the Enableress in Chief.

  97. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 4:04

    I’d like to see Dubya wearing a cheap polyester uniform jacket and bagging items at a 24 hour supermarket/drugstore, and when there’s a lull between customers, he has to do “go-backs”, which, if you’ve been in retail, sucks majorly, because it means re-shelving all the crap people decided they didn’t want after all, and sorting through which unwanted crap was unwanted because it was damaged or defective, and every time he starts to do go-backs, customers arrive and he has to return to the checkstand and bag stuff. Then his shift ends and the ice weasels come.

    I did that very thing for 5 1/2 years of hell. Yup, it’s what His Highness deserves.

    Tough but fair.

  98. WereBear said,

    December 5, 2008 at 4:09

    Like you too, larkspur!

    I never implied sympathy for Laura Bush (and her response for any sorrow on my part would probably be that I have a hell of a nerve.)

    I was just prognosticating… and he’s the kinda guy who needs some adoring sycophants around. Serve him right if she opts out.

    In fact, whenever I see her Panic-on-Thorazine countenance on TV, I say aloud, “Was the money worth it?”

  99. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 5, 2008 at 4:58

    larkspur said,

    December 5, 2008 at 3:59

    There seems to be a wee thread of sympathy in the discourse about Laura Bush…

    Our Lady of Cameltoes: coming or going.

  100. DrDick said,

    December 5, 2008 at 5:12

    Laura Bush, the Carmela Soprano of the Bush Crime family? Ms. willfully ignorant and stoned blind? Little Ms. Laura deserves every shred of misery coming her way. If you live off blood money the blood is on your hands. For George, however, there is a very special place in Hell reserved, right next to Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacey.

  101. mikey said,

    December 5, 2008 at 5:22

    Nope. Dahmer and Gacey were pikers.

    Hell, Doc, MY body count is higher than theirs.

    We judge bush and cheney not just for brutality, but the raw numbers.

    I have killed people in the double digits.

    They have taken innocent lives in the THOUSANDS.

    The only comparisons would be Stalin, Hitler, Amin, Mladic, all the men, with power, enabled by men with wealth, who took the lives of helpless people in order to move an ideological agenda.

    Yeah. Bush and cheney belong in that category….

    mikey

  102. DrDick said,

    December 5, 2008 at 5:24

    Mikey -
    I bow to your superior authority on the subject. I think perhaps, sharing a small cell with Stalin, Hitler, and a very hungry Amin might be appropriate.

  103. McJohn said,

    December 5, 2008 at 6:10

    sagra said, “Conservatives can’t be Liberal. They’ll get Liberalism all dirty.”

    I love this. I’m stealing it. Coming soon to a bumper near you.

  104. Another Kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 6:32

    There seems to be a wee thread of sympathy in the discourse about Laura Bush

    Well, there she is, every minute of every day, with the perfect person to use for a “I’m with stupid” T-shirt, and she can’t!

  105. PeeJ said,

    December 5, 2008 at 6:48

    Fuck Laura Bush.

    No…wait. Strike that.

  106. PeeJ said,

    December 5, 2008 at 6:54

    I like the scenario where Bush can’t even get an invite to a block party. No one will pay him to speak, no one will listen to him speak. He will be the first ex-Pres not to jjoin the Carlisle Group as they told him to stray the fuck away. The Bilderbergs throw dog feces at him when he tries to crash their fest. He spends the rest of his life panhandling on the streets Dallas, asking people to tell him why no one will speak to him.

  107. El Cid said,

    December 5, 2008 at 7:10

    Maybe Bush Jr. should volunteer to be tied to the giant sculpture of the owl burned every year in the Bohemian Grove during the “Cremation of Care” ceremony at this social institution bringing together the U.S.’ political and economic upper classes.

  108. Euripides said,

    December 5, 2008 at 7:38

    El Cid, the owl is not burned, but merely overlooks the sacrificial altar upon which the deed is done, while badgers romp in the darkened woods and the pelicans circle overhead…

  109. PeeJ said,

    December 5, 2008 at 8:02

    To fill the void, so to speak, I’ll offer up my FQotD. (Freeper Quote of the Day)

    What is needed is partiotic, conservative, American science, not leftist/liberal science that produces un-American results.

    15 posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 3:23:13 PM by FFranco

  110. Johnny Pez said,

    December 5, 2008 at 8:14

    PeeJ, I’m gonna have to call shenanigans on that one. A Freeper channeling Trofim Lysenko while claiming to be Francisco Franco?

    Gotta be a liberal troll.

  111. M. Bouffant said,

    December 5, 2008 at 8:16

    FQotD:

    Truly beyond parody, innit?

  112. M. Bouffant said,

    December 5, 2008 at 8:17

    Unless, of course, it is parody.

  113. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2008 at 8:21

    The Editors have been a very bad boy.

  114. Matt T. said,

    December 5, 2008 at 10:03

    MZNicky,
    Thank you very much. You are very kind. Sorry I’m so tardy getting back, but I’ve been out all evening. Had me a good time and got a nice compliment (though, really, it sometimes depresses me that my blind fury at domestic violence is considered “unusual”), so thus endeth a good day.

  115. WereBear said,

    December 5, 2008 at 14:29

    sometimes depresses me that my blind fury at domestic violence is considered “unusual”

    We do need to change certain assumptions in our society.

    For instance, it drives me crazy when the TV talk discusses the pResident like he’s really, you know, presidentin’.

    Which is why I so enjoyed the outburst of Paul Begala during the campaign.

    “The President is a high functioning moron!”

    And the other talking heads just stared down at the table.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfCMHGrs7VU

  116. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2008 at 15:08

    Paul Begala comes so close to the nut that he can almost taste it:

    “The President is a high functioning moron!”

    Fixed.

  117. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2008 at 15:14

    OT, via Talking Pants Memo,
    Barney Frank is full of win:

    “”[Obama's] going to have to be more assertive than he’s been. At a time of great crisis with mortgage foreclosures and autos, he says we only have one president at a time. I’m afraid that overstates the number of presidents we have.”

    and

    It is a grave mistake to assume that parties are irrelevant to this process,” he said. “My one difference with the president-elect, about whom I am very enthusiastic, is when he talks about being post-partisan.

    “Having lived with this very right wing Republican group that runs the House most of the time, the notion of trying to deal with them as if we could be post-partisan gives me post-partisan depression,” Frank said.

  118. Willy said,

    December 5, 2008 at 15:36

    Mikey, your hammer hits the nail squarely every time. You rock.

    I can’t say any more without sounding like a total asskisser.

  119. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2008 at 15:46

    Back on topic,
    This Eugene Robinson column is orders of magnitude better than the Eggen toast to Bush – which is orders of magnitude better than the Tooler-power rant.

    Observe the astounding selectivity of the president’s memory. Just imagine all the do-overs he could have asked for. He might regret not paying more attention to the Aug. 6, 2001, presidential daily briefing memo, which was titled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” and reported “patterns of suspicious activity in this country consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks.” He might wish he hadn’t put the nation’s emergency response capability in the hands of Michael Brown, a former executive of the International Arabian Horse Association, and then watched from afar as New Orleans drowned. The president might have volunteered, as he did in a previous interview, that his “Mission Accomplished” photo op on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln was a moment he’d like to have back.

    But no. Instead, he told Gibson that his “biggest regret” was a mistake made by others: intelligence analysts who got it wrong about Iraq.

  120. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:04

    The Labor Department said Friday employers cut 533,000 more jobs in November — the most since 1974.

    Heckuva job, bushie.

  121. Pere Ubu said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:07

    sagra said, “Conservatives can’t be Liberal. They’ll get Liberalism all dirty.”

    Liberalism was found dead this morning in a hotel room in New Jersey, wearing two wetsuits and with a dildo in its rectum…

  122. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:09

    > But no. Instead, he told Gibson that his “biggest regret” was a mistake made by others: intelligence analysts who got it wrong about Iraq.

    As we’ve exhaustively seen, failure is considered success by winguts/nutjobs/whackjobs. Big failures are considered to be big successes.

    Since every republican is a wingnut/nutjob/whackjob, what chimpo said is actually logically consistent. When asked about regrets, none of his failures came to mind because he considers his failures to be successes. Why regret success?

    Pure psychotic delusion, and the wingnuts/nutjobs/whackjobs’ divorce from reality shows no sign of ending.

  123. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:10

    Perhaps Smut Clyde can answer a question about The Editors for me that I am reticent to ask over there, and that is: What’s the deal with that site’s gravatars? What, everyone who posts there got together at one time and chose from the same collection of brightly-colored squiggly little cartoon monster images? I suppose it’s one of those many many traditions found on these here InterNets that what with my advanced age and all I do not comprehend?

  124. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:14

    As to Chimpy’s repeated stubborn refusals to acknowledge “mistakes” on his part: He’s a classic narcissistic sociopath. He’s simply incapable of admitting error. It’s always someone else’s fault.

  125. Susan of Texas said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:24

    I think good little girl Laura Welch Bush got off on Georgie being a bad boy, since she felt enormous pressure to be good, always.. She encouraged her daughters to thwart and disrespect other authority as well, after all. She managed to find a way to live with the Bushes all these years; she probably wouldn’t change anything, anymore.

  126. DAS said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:37

    whether Bill Clinton regrets giving al Qaeda a virtually free pass while disgracing himself and his office by having sex with an intern and then lying about it?

    If what is said about elephant memories is true, then the elephant is a piss poor symbol for the GOP.

    IIRC, Bill Clinton went after Al Qaeda (he was somewhat restrained in going after them, but didn’t give them the same sort of free pass that BushCO gave them until 9/11 … and even then, BushCO gave them a free pass out of Afghanistan): but when he did so, it was the GOP who, having blown (if you’ll pardon the pun) Bill Clinton’s picadillos up into a national scandal, complained that, in going after Al Qaeda, Clinton was merely trying to “wag the dog” to distract people from the GOP’s attacks on Clinton.

    I.e. to say the GOP argued that Clinton should give Al Qaeda a free pass and now that is what the right complains about? Talk about your Side Show Bob for mayor mentality still living in the GOP.

  127. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:42

    Laura Bush was a bit too sentimental and attached to W in a recent interview on the news. Made me cringe. Certainly the “enableress”. Or blindly stupid. Either way….

  128. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 5, 2008 at 16:52

    > Laura Bush was a bit too sentimental and attached to W in a recent interview on the news. Made me cringe. Certainly the “enableress”. Or blindly stupid. Either way…

    She probably had gotten a visit from one of the family heavies warning her about being too Fredo-like anytime in the indefinite future.

  129. sagra said,

    December 5, 2008 at 18:17

    I would just like to be a fly on the wall when Bush finally talks to the guy who told him to invade Iraq. The expression on his face when Bush finds out that he finds out that voice wasn’t exactly God after all? Yeah, boy. Seeing him being driven at pitchfork-point into a lake of fire would just be icing on the cake.

  130. purpleOnion said,

    December 5, 2008 at 18:48

    Pay very close attention, very close and repeat after me:

    These were mistakes; they were not criminal acts.

    These were mistakes; they were not premeditated.

    These were mistakes; they were not the result of bungled crimes.

    These were mistakes; they were not the bad guys eventually getting caught.

    These were mistakes; they were not crimes punishable by the Hague.

    These were mistakes; they were not fraudulent money dealings.

    These were mistakes; they were not the result of greed head going insane.

    These were mistakes; they were not the result of assholes gambling with other people’s money.

    These were mistakes; they were accidents.

    These were mistakes; they were a force of nature.

    These were mistakes; god said so.

    That is all one needs to know.

    Thank you for you money, your stupidity, and your trust; we’ll be back to test them again.

  131. purpleOnion said,

    December 5, 2008 at 18:58

    Please pay close attention. The mainstream media was an innocent bystander. It only passed on information that it felt was in the best interest of the current administration. It did not intend to deceive anyone. We were not cheerleaders for the war. The bailout is not a fraud. No one in the Bush administration committed treason. Scooter Libby is a great guy. Dick Cheney will go down in history as a hero. KBR did not rip-off American taxpayers. The administration and the media do not feed off of American suckers. We do not believe that American suckers are a natural resource provided by god to do with as we please. Remember we are patriots and you are the enemy. This will aid you in keeping a proper perspective on our actions over the past eight years. We also do not believe that killing a couple of hundred thousand brown people who no one cares about in an unnecessary war amounts to racism and war crimes, because we are the good guys. Trust us, because you are stupid. Trust us, because you are suckers. Trust us, because we will eat your ass alive. Trust us, because what else are you suckers going to do? Trust us, because you are naive. Trust us because you are fools. Trust us, because you do not have a brain in your head. Trust us, because we tell you to. Praise the lord for the same reasons.

  132. purpleOnion said,

    December 5, 2008 at 19:20

    It is important for liberals to remember that George Bush is not stupid. It is an act to avoid the charge of premeditation. The media are not innocent bystanders, they are collaborators. Our representatives are not fools they were complicit. Torture is not necessary it is a criminal act carried out by sadistic scum not patriots. Treason is outing a C.I.A. agent. Retroactive immunity is a criminal act. The bailout is a fraud intended to cripple a “liberal” administration. The war was a war crime, because its sole intent was to steal eleven to fifteen trillion dollars from a poor and primitive country that could not defend itself. The attempt to steal Social Security funds was thwarted, therefore another method of stealing the same money from Americans is the bailout. The bailout is the largest tax increase in U.S. history. The country’s leaders are in fact criminals who have orchestrated numerous crimes to steal from the American people. Our leaders are not substitutes for American’s parents, they are common thieves and murderers.

    Some cynics believe that at the very worst our leaders would not deliberately harm the country or its people. I harbor no such belief.

  133. MzNicky said,

    December 5, 2008 at 20:59

    I bet purpleOnion is always the life of the party.

  134. Smut Clyde said,

    December 5, 2008 at 21:49

    What’s the deal with that site’s gravatars? What, everyone who posts there got together at one time and chose from the same collection of brightly-colored squiggly little cartoon monster images?

    I guess The Editors have outsourced the task of squiggly-monster-image generation to gravatar.com. The gravatar stays the same if you post under a different nom-de-net, but changes if you provide a different e-mail address. Coincidentally, the one I received (horns, black bandit mask and a boingy spring for locomotion) is actually such a good likeness that I have no desire to change it.

  135. Another Kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 21:55

    Another one of the lost artisan crafts, squiggly-monster-image generation. I fear that the new world will not be pleasant.

  136. Chris Moorehead said,

    December 5, 2008 at 23:06

    Please, DO something about that “Time Tunnel” graphic…I feel like I’m being menaced by the psychiatrist (aka John Waters) in the original version of “Hairspray”. And why does Mirengoff look like an evil version of Al Franken?

  137. purpleOnion said,

    December 5, 2008 at 23:37

    at least i wasn’t mistaken for someone who likes to have a “good time”. Hooch in one hand, poll data in the other so i know what to think, and you can read the the New York Times in Chinese characters in reverse on my pupils. i carry a fat ass, my finger tips are worn flat, instead of feet I have wheels, and I am only sentient on All Hallows Eve and the Winter Solstice, which is coming up so watch out, so you are right I am not a whole lotta fun.

  138. For The Goddamn Batman, "Bloodied But Unbowed" = "An Average Saturday Night" said,

    December 5, 2008 at 23:42

    As George W. Bush completes the last weeks of his presidency, the phrase “bloodied but unbowed” comes to mind.

    Actually, the phrase that comes to mind is “not even pretending to be on the wagon“.

  139. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    December 6, 2008 at 18:14

    I’d say evil Harold Ramis instead of evil Al Franken.

  140. Another Kiwi said,

    December 6, 2008 at 21:19

    Whilst I cannot look at the image for too long before I start intoning stuff. I can see a Mathew Perry resemblance there. “Could I be more 1940′s traveling salesman?”

  141. gsxr 750 Fairings said,

    December 10, 2008 at 23:52

    I don’t get it. Instead of using the comments area, why don’t you talk to each other through messenger?

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