Dec
3

One Ring To Rule Them All




Posted at 15:53 by Tintin
kim_priestap_car
ABOVE: Kim Priestap

Kim Priestap, one of the dimmest bloggers at Cheez Whiz? Dang!, has been sitting up in the wilds of lovely Mio, Michigan spitting and fuming ever since that story about Michelle Obama’s secret champagne and caviar lunch turned out to be a hoax. Imagine her delight when she caught wind of the rumor that B. Hussein Muslim X was going to buy Michelle a 300 trillion dollar ring and then install her as head of his harem:

Barack Obama is so thankful for his wife’s support during his campaign that he’s buying her a rare rhodium and diamond ring that costs $30,000. I love jewelry as much as the next girl, but this is a bit over the top. I know, it’s his money, so he can spend it as he wishes, yet this looks a bit…out of touch. Here we are enduring a terrible recession. Investors have lost trillions of dollars in the stock market. Americans are losing their jobs, and at Christmas time no less. Spending $30,000 on a piece of jewelry doesn’t represent the compassion or the hope and change that he espoused throughout the campaign.

Now that’s a story too good to check on Google, Kimbo was no doubt thinking, and so she didn’t. Of course, sooner or later some liberal troll was bound to come by and point out, with linkie and everything, that the story was, like the caviar lunch, a steaming pile of bullshit and CheezWhiz on a saltine cracker.

But, ooooh nooooo, some liberal troll is not going to outsmart a famous CheezWhizDang blogger like our Kimbo, who issues this update in response:

[T]he Obama camp is denying that President-Elect is purchasing the rhodium ring. As I said earlier in my post, this kind of purchase, although completely within his right, is inconsistent with the persona he presented to America during the campaign. I’m not surprised he’s denying it.

In other words: “Liar, liar, American Express Card on fire!” Of course Barry would lie about it. If he lied when he said he wasn’t a Muslim terrorist in order to get elected, you think he wouldn’t lie about a $30,000 ring also?

Needless to say, a trip by the keyboard-challenged Kimbo back to Google would have put a kabosh on her latest spin by revealing that the Italian designer who was supposed to design the ring also called the whole story a steaming pile of bullshit and carpaccio on a bruschetta.

I anxiously await Ms. Priestap’s next update where she says that Barry, who after all probably killed his own grandmother to keep his Kenyan birth certificate under wraps, threatened to kill the ring designer as well if he didn’t keep his big fat Italian bocca shut. “I’m not surprised the pasta-eating pansy is denying it,” she’ll huff. “If Barry X wants to prove he didn’t buy that ring, he’ll have to cut off both of Michelle’s hands. Muslims do that sort of thing, you know. It shouldn’t be all that hard for him.”

324 Comments »

  1. El Cid said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:01

    I don’t understand — why isn’t Obama just buying his wife an American flag with which to show his love, and why isn’t Michelle asking for that instead? Or mabye those flags are too ritzy and she can make do with a POW-MIA sticker.

  2. Stephen said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:07

    I heard a rumor that Obama was one of the terrorists on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11! He’s denying it, but he would, wouldn’t he?

  3. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:09

    Shorter Kimmy:

    “Heads I win, tails Obama loses. HAH!”

  4. goober said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:12

    Speaking of Kim, you do know that Kim DuToit has quit blogging, right?

    What? No snarky rejoinder? I figured that news would rate it’s own post.

  5. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:16

    you do know that Kim DuToit has quit blogging

    Too bad, so sad.

  6. Simba B said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:19

    It’s good to see goober is making comically delayed reactions his signature around here.

    Wasn’t there an SNL sketch where some guy responded to what his friends were talking about like 15 minutes ago? That’s goober.

  7. Ned Hades said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:20

    They have bloggers in Mio now? Dang, last I knew they had just been hooked up to running water. Sure killed the fun of outhouse-tipping, let me tell you.

  8. Ted the Slacker said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:21

    one of the dimmest bloggers at Cheez Whiz? Dang!

    Not wishing to be picky, but the how fuck do you rank these idiots?

  9. fish said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:33

    Of course no mention of Cindy McCain’s $300,000 worth of jewelry during the convention…

  10. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:36

    Clif, Clif, Clif.

    What’s important here is not the mere matter of whether or not Obama actually purchased the ring in question.

    It’s the fact that PEOPLE BELIEVE HE COULD HAVE DONE SO!

  11. Shorter goober said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:43

    I need attention.

  12. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:46

    you do know that Kim DuToit has quit blogging

    I’d say Kim DuToit never really started blogging. But I suppose that’s picking nits.

    As for $30K rings, if I bought my wife one I guarantee she’d consider that an act representative of compassion, hope, and change.

  13. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:47

    Damn tag-close failure.

  14. fdc said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:52

    i understand he bought the ring from african press internation. that mr. korir sure is industrious, branching out from handbags and all.

  15. Ted the Slacker said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:52

    As for $30K rings, if I bought my wife one I guarantee she’d consider that an act representative of compassion, hope, and change.

    I guarantee my wife would ask: What have you done now?

  16. MzNicky said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:56

    $30,000 for a ring? Bah. What a cheapskate. Surely Ms. Priestap misread this totally believable and not-made-up story and it’s really a bazillion-googleplex-jillion-dollar ring, given the well-known fact that the Obamas are vulgar and ostentatious in their materialism.

  17. Cargo said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:56

    I hear the Obamas ride around in LIMOSINES and everything. They’re so ostentatious!

  18. Incontinentia Buttocks said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:56

    Of course no mention of Cindy McCain’s $300,000 worth of jewelry during the convention…

    Of course, it’s socialistic to question the McCains’ use of their money, which is a reflection of their great entrepreneurial success at being born to wealthy beer distributors and/or marrying someone who was. Risk and reward, my friend.

    The Obamas, on the other hand, are uppity Negroes whose wealth by its very nature suggests corruption, and whose use of that wealth is an indication that they don’t know their place.

    Now can I have some wingnut welfare, please?

  19. RvB said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:58

    What about the two other members of this Luo tribesman’s harem, what are they getting? The fur is going to fly when those two girls–neither of them are even 18 yet, my friends–realize it’s no $30,000 trinkets for them.
    In all seriousness, who’d blame Barry if he bought his wife a little something ($3 grand at least) for her brave soldiering on the campaign trail. I guess that’s what I hate the most about this stupid trolling; it hypothesizes some kindness from a man to his wife as an elitist, anti-American gesture. Well, this won’t be the worst of it.

  20. Legalize said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:58

    Dan Riehl is giving it his all this morning:

    http://www.riehlworldview.com/carnivorous_conservative/2008/12/the-obama-birth-certificate-issue.html

    There’s still so much we don’t know about Obama!!

  21. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:59

    “Rhodium” sounds like “Rhodesia.” Coincidence?

  22. kiki said,

    December 3, 2008 at 16:59

    Kim Priestap has yet to deny holding down the goat at one of Mickey Kaus’s ‘special meetings’.

    I’m not surprised she’s staying so quiet on the matter.

  23. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:09

    There’s still so much we don’t know about Obama!!

    Y’know, there’s a lot that I, by which I mean we, don’t know about Abraham Lincoln. I think we should go back and de-president his ass until he comes clean about whatever it is that I (we) don’t know.

    Just because we think we see something and it turns out there’s nothing there doesn’t mean that there’s not something there that we don’t see.

  24. MzNicky said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:11

    First comment out of the gate at the CheezWhiz post:

    He has the tax payers [sic] money to be charitable with. That’s what liberals do. They spend other peoples [sic] money.

    Not even president yet and he’s already wasting our hard-earned taxpayers’ money!! On expensive baubles for Michelle!!11!! Socialist!!11!!!!1!!!

  25. g said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:16

    and even if it were true – Sakes alive!! Barack Obama’s going to use his own money to purchase an item of his choice!!

    ~ Faints away…..

  26. Ripley said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:17

    Rhodium?

    Damn near killed him!

  27. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:20

    “The mere fact that he actually didn’t do that thing I said just goes to prove how much he did what I said he did!”

    I’m pretty sure this is the kind of mindset that keeps people thinking something happened at Roswell.

  28. Edward Lear said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:31

    The only ring Kim Priestap can get
    Is the one at the end of her nose, her nose,
    The one at the end of her nose.

  29. Legalize said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:37

    Spending one’s money that one earned – on an expensive item for one’s own wife – is the most socialist thing one can do! This has ALWAYS been the most socialist thing one can do.

  30. Susan of Texas said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:40

    What can you do with someone like this?

    We need to tell her that Obama is going to send all white women to Pleasure Reeducation Camps, and she had better run for the hills. If everyone on earth denies their existance, that proves that Kim is only a few moments away from being pleasureized and sold to a some Middle Eastern accountant.

  31. angulimala said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:41

    Obama is buying his wife a ring with a compass that always points towards MECCA!!!!!

  32. GSD said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:41

    Kim Du Toit has stopped smashing his Cheeto and feces covered fingers randomly on the computer keyboard.

    Terrible loss.

    Now about that about that uppity president possibly spending his own money on his own wife.

    Outrageous!

    -GSD

  33. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:44

    I love jewelry as much as the next girl, but this is a bit over the top. I know, it’s his money, so he can spend it as he wishes, yet this looks a bit…out of touch. Here we are enduring a terrible recession. Investors have lost trillions of dollars in the stock market. Americans are losing their jobs, and at Christmas time no less. Spending $30,000 on a piece of jewelry doesn’t represent the compassion or the hope and change that he espoused throughout the campaign.

    Owning seven (or eight, or nine, or 33) houses? Not out of touch.

    Having the President fly in on Air Force One to celebrate your birthday instead of seeing to the victims of Katrina? Not out of touch.

    Buying your wife of decades a $30,000 ring, less than the price of a fucking CAR?

    OHNOES! HE BE OUTTA TOUCH!

  34. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:46

    Obama is buying his wife a ring with a compass that always points towards MECCA!!!!!

    Obviously! But no one realized that it was being hidden in his turban this entire time. You know, the one held for him at the NOI Mothership?

  35. MzNicky said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:46

    Susan of Texas: I like that idea. Someone should start a bunch of similar flamingly idiotic rumors and plant them cunningly around the InterTubes. Fucking wingnutz’ll believe anything! Then they’ll get all bent out of shape over stupid stuff and look like total morons! Ha ha! Oh yeah wait, that already happens everyday.

  36. Joe Max said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:48

    I can see it now – Obama finally takes pity on Faux News and calls on their “reporter” in a presser, and s/he asks: “So where are you buying that 300 trillion dollar ring for Michele from? And I have a follow up – does it mean you stopped beating her?”

  37. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    December 3, 2008 at 17:54

    “Rhodium” sounds like “Rhodesia.” Coincidence?

    No! Good catch. That’s why it’s called Zimbabwium (Zw) on newer periodic tables.

  38. Dreamweasel said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:02

    Wait, what’s this I hear about Obama buying his daughters a $30,000 puppy?

  39. rea said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:10

    Copulating with goats, although completely within her right, is inconsistent with the persona Ms. Priestap presented to America, or at least, Mio, MI. I’m surprised she’s not denying it.

  40. Legalize said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:14

    I love the commenters “agreeing” that Obama has the “right” to spend his own money on whatever the fuck he wants. Thanks, guys!

  41. Mahmoud, Camel Broker of Djibouti said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:16

    If everyone on earth denies their existance, that proves that Kim is only a few moments away from being pleasureized and sold to a some Middle Eastern accountant.

    I will give her father 10 camels for this pretty blonde beast. A prenuptial visit to the official Pleasure Reeducation Camp shall warrant a 5 camel premium.

  42. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:17

    I will give her father 10 camels for this pretty blonde beast. A prenuptial visit to the official Pleasure Reeducation Camp shall warrant a 5 camel premium.

    Could you throw in a pile of dung, too?

  43. Snarki, child of Loki said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:17

    Ned Hades said @16:20

    They have bloggers in Mio now? Dang, last I knew they had just been hooked up to running water. Sure killed the fun of outhouse-tipping, let me tell you.

    Shows what a you know. You must be one of those urban liberal types.

    Outhouses are not for tipping. They are for being picked up and moved precisely 2.5 feet backwards.

    And yes, that *does* put the hole just inside the door. Why do you ask?

  44. Rene ala Carte said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:22

    Ms. Priestap appears to very effectively represent the new conservatives. She, and they, will believe anything and facts be damned.

    Don’t knock Mio, Michigan. It’s on the Au Sable river, with great trout fishing, and is near several state and national forests where hunting is pretty good too.

    They even have a McDonalds if that counts for anything.

  45. Bella said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:23

    Oh my god, all you had to do was say she’s from Mio. My mother’s family had a summer cabin in Mio in the 1950s, and nothing has changed since then.

  46. Loneoak said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:24

    In all fairness, $30,000 would almost buy you a decent house in Mio.

    In no fairness, who the fuck cares about what people from Mio think? You could almost buy a house for $30,000 which says something about the desirability of living next door to people from Mio, MI.

  47. sagra said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:24

    One little anonymous comment and woah, hey there! Look at all the free advertising that Italian designer Giovanni Bosco gets for his gaudy rings.

    I’m sure that’s a complete coincidence.

  48. J— said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:25

    “Rhodium” sounds like “Rhodesia.” Coincidence?

    No! Good catch. That’s why it’s called Zimbabwium (Zw) on newer periodic tables.

    Funny, I always thought it was named for Randy Rhodes.

  49. GSD said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:32

    Obama is buying a lion for his children so that they can feed Christians to them in the new coliseum being built in the Cheney bunker.

    -GSD

  50. The Goddamn Batman Has A Kryptonite Ring In His Belt Buckle, And Don't You Forget It, Clark said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:33

    Given how completely she missed the point about Bible Spice’s infamous video, this is hardly surprising. She’s probably working on her next scoop about the rumor that Michelle is going to have a car that’s almost as nice as one of Cindy McCain’s.

  51. Ned Hades said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:33

    Urban liberal types? Yeah, if Auburn qualifies as a metropolis. We Tri-City denizens do tend to look down on the yokels, though. Must be something in the water.

    Mio isn’t a bad place, just has a bad apple or two. Canoeing on the Au Sable is a great way to kill an afternoon, or even a weekend.

  52. Loneoak said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:34

    Bella, is your mom from Detroit, too? The reason for those small towns was to provide summer cabins for the people who achieved middle-class status from the auto industry. Now their purpose is to produce resentment and bitterness.

  53. blowback said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:38

    As the story originated with the Daily Mail, it probably is a spoof unlike the story that Barack Obama has ordered that his face be added to Mt. Rushmore which really is true.

  54. Ned Hades said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:38

    Hey, we were resentful and bitter WAY before the auto workers started vacationing around here. Only East Lansing has more drunks per square foot, and we’re damn proud of that. PBR, anyone?

  55. blowback said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:42

    That should have been:

    As the story originated with the Daily Mail, it probably is a spoof unlike the story that Barack Obama has ordered that his face be added to Mt. Rushmore which really is true.

  56. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:43

    I always thought it was named for Randy Rhodes.

    You’re thinking of Crazytrainium (Cz).

  57. Mr. Wonderful said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:45

    thunder’s point–

    “It’s the fact that PEOPLE BELIEVE HE COULD HAVE DONE SO!”

    –gave me a moment’s experience of smartness in my brain:

    They live in a parallel universe. Call it the Conditional Cosmos, where what *could* be is as signif as what is. Thus, Kim might conclude, triumphantly, with the by-now-wingnut-cliche, “Apparently the rhodium ring story was a false rumor. But what does it say about Obama, that many people thought it *could* be true?”

    I know we know this. I’m just struck by the thought that that approach to what the rest of us carefully refer to as “reality” could constitute an entire mode of existence.

    “Could”? DOES! Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, parallel-universe physicists.

  58. hpe said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:47

    Oy. I’m from Mio. I feel like I owe you all an apology. We’re not all nuts, really.

  59. Joe Max said,

    December 3, 2008 at 18:51

    “Could”? DOES! Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, parallel-universe physicists.

    It only emphasizes her point.

  60. kiki said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:04

    Mr Wonderful – The thing is, like everything else the wingnuts do, it’s a perversion of a hint of a smidgeon of the truth. If a sensible person hears that Conservative Scumbag X is involved in shady dealings, they may give the story more credence than it eventually turns out to deserve, because Conservative Scumbag X has a proven, well-documented history of shady dealings.

    For wingnuts, on the other hand, each bullshit, wingnut-manufactured story about Liberal Y is backed up only by a string of other bullshit, wingnut-manufactured stories about Liberal Y.

    And if you think there’s any moral difference between these two examples, you’re a fascist.

  61. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:08

    If everyone on earth denies their existance, that proves that Kim is only a few moments away from being pleasureized and sold to a some Middle Eastern accountant.

    I think I read that issue of “Leg Show”.

    (…WHAT?!?!)

    And how do we know Obama didn’t buy that ring after all and use his nefarious Illumnati Antichrist Jedi neuromatomic mind tricks to hide the fact from us?

  62. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:09

    No, he’s buying his daughters $30k worth of the “Islam is Light” talking dolls from a few posts ago. Puppies! Never.

  63. itwasntme said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:13

    Ah, Fantasy Land! I used to think I’d like to live there myself.

    But from what I hear leaking out of there the last few years, I’ve decided to try for a shack at the beach instead.

  64. I Pity The Fool said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:24

    Of course no mention of Cindy McCain’s $300,000 worth of jewelry during the convention…

    Its not an apt comparison…Cindy McCain doesn’t give a fuck about poor people, so she can spend her money any way she likes.

    Once you’ve expressed sympathy for people less well-off than you, common decency demands that you must also live in abject poverty. Everybody knows that!

  65. I Pity The Fool said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:25

    Besides, if Obama really wanted to thank his wife, he’d call her a trollop and/or cunt in earshot of some reporters, the way Real American Heroes(tm) do.

  66. I Pity The Fool said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:29

    Dammit all…that ™ looked like a ™ in preview…

  67. Tommmcatt said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:30

    Something about this Kim Priestap woman suggests cold sores. Lots and lots of cold sores….

  68. stryx said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:35

    What the Princess of Mio left out of the story is 1) Barry bought the ring from Cheney and 2) the Obamas are going to Modor, Wyoming to throw the ring in a fire.

    Priestap will soon be heard talking about her Precioussssss….

  69. Kim Priestap's brain said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:38

    Ohmigod, now I just heard that it’s actually a $30,000 cock-ring!

    Michelle is going to have a sex change operation so she and Obama can be gay-Muslim-married and he’s spending $30,000 to decorate her brand new equipment!

    And in a recession! Imagine the nerve!

  70. Morris J. said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:39

    That’s funny. I could have sworn there was an election just last night, and a certain scorned someone helped propel the Republican to victory. Why not chittery chatter from the Sadly, No!ers? Why no snarky and smickety-smack? You couldn’t possibly be worried about Palin ’12, could you?

    No, because she’s dumb, and your brains are so big. Heard it before, guys, heard it before. It will be your undoing. Huge win for the GOP last night. Shame you missed it.

  71. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:40

    For the Fool Pitier,
    ™

    I wonder if Priestap was around for this:

    First lady Laura Bush has never looked better or more obviously regal…The tulle gown, designed for her by Oscar de la Renta, looked weightless…De la Renta designed the swearing-in suit — a winter white cashmere dress and matching coat — that she wore yesterday afternoon… But more importantly, Mrs. Bush accessorized the gown with a diamond and pearl necklace and matching drop earrings of significant carats…

    But hey, none of that compares to a fictional $30K ring. ‘Cuz the $30K ring is fictional.

  72. Susan of Texas said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:44

    Dear Mr. Morris J,

    Thank you for expressing your interest in the job of trolling at Sadly, No! Industries, but you do not have the qualifications necessary for the postiion. You trolling sample has been judged derivitive, annoying, and mindless, and therefore your application has been rejected.

    Best wishes on future endeavers, etc. etc.

  73. Pompous Naysayer Orbitting Earth said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:46

    Now can I have some wingnut welfare, please?

    There’s a storeroom at the end of the hall. We’ve still got crates and crates of McCain mugs. Help yourself.

  74. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:47

    While we’re picking on Republican wives, I seem to recall that there was a certain someone who had a sort of issue regarding expensive tastes in fashion:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nancy_Reagan#Fashion

    There’s some interesting stuff there, including this:
    http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,974751,00.html

    The former First Lady, who promised to stop accepting free designer goodies in 1982, told the tax officials that everything obtained after 1983 was purchased. The designers, however, said she did not pay them. Concluding that between 1983 and 1988 the Reagans failed to report some $3 million worth of free clothes, jewelry and furs, the IRS presented them with a hefty bill for back taxes and interest. A former assistant to Mrs. Reagan says the bill was settled.

  75. Tommmcatt said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:47

    Huge win for the GOP last night.

    Cleverly, the GOP has scored a massive win this election season by losing the presidency, giving up 7 seats in the senate, and 21 seats in the house. Currently, Democrats control both chambers in 27 state legislatures.

    Yeah, you sure showed us big brain guys! Keep it up just like that, Morris J! You keep on showin’ us!

  76. Blarney McOogle said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:49

    I could have sworn there was an election just last night, and a certain scorned someone helped propel the Republican to victory.

    I hear Saxby Chambliss was so grateful, he gave her a pearl necklace.

  77. Az said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:49

    Huge win for the GOP last night. Shame you missed it.
    __________________________________________________

    You are right Morris J. . With the state the GOP is in even a senate seat win in Georgia is huge . If the trend continues you will be celebrating a state senate seat win in Alabama as huge in a couple of years .

  78. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:54

    A tip of the hat to whomever it is that’s commenting at whizbang as AA’s Testicles.

    …The point is, even if Barry Hussein X Muhammed (a KNOWN MOOZLUM) didn’t actually buy this ring, it’s so easy for us to BELIEVE that he did that Kim’s point is made…

    That is fucking genius.

  79. Dan Someone said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:54

    So this is the great Republican Revival, feat. Sarah Youbetcha Maverick Palin? A runoff election in a massively red state that gives the GOP a slim ability to filibuster in Congress, and that’s a huge victory for the Forces of Right(wing)? That signals GOP resurgence in 2012?

    How low can can you put the bar before it’s officially impossible not to step over it?

  80. Morris Day and the Time said,

    December 3, 2008 at 19:56

    Heard it before, guys, heard it before. It will be your undoing.

    *yawn*

    But to address your other question, yes, its very disappointing personally that Saxby Chambliss won the run-off election in GA, shutting down the hope of a filibuster-proof Dem majority. What I hadn’t realized was that by doing so, he had actually succeeded in tearing the very fabric of space and time asunder and undoing Obama’s victory and the rest of the Democratic wins on Election Day. Crikey, that really WAS a huge win for the GOP last night. Thank fucking christ you stopped by to tell me.

  81. Loneoak said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:00

    Yeah, congrats GOP, you are now only one seat away from a super-minority! Let’s see what happens in 2010 when you are defending more seats that the Democrats and have used that 41st seat to filibuster universal health care. I’m sure Sarah Palin’s awesome policy credibility will pull through for ya.

    Had a heart attack? You don’t need statins and surgery, you just need to eat more moose.

  82. Pompous Naysayer Orbitting Earth said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:00

    My brain is so big I have to wear specail earmuffs.

  83. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:00

    So Chambliss’ bare squeaker was a “huge win” but Obama’s majority wasn’t enough for a mandate.

    O-Kay.

  84. Amy Alkon's Testicles said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:01

    That’s high praise, coming from you, D-KW.

    I do try to amuse myself.

  85. Loneoak said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:02

    How low can can you put the bar before it’s officially impossible not to step over it?

    Approximately 12 feet above Bill Kristol’s journalistic reputation.

  86. Pompous Naysayer Orbitting Earth said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:03

    How low can can you put the bar before it’s officially impossible not to step over it?

    Excavation contractors are submitting bids. Just don’t call it infrastructure spending.

  87. Arky4That1 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:03

    The Divinely Witty Susan of Texas asks:

    What can you do with someone like this?

    To which FanBoi Arky 4 That 1 replies: Write a little play about her (hint hint hinty hint hint).

  88. Blarney McOogle said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:05

    Perhaps you thought I was joking about Palin’s new pearl necklace. Perhaps not:

    From The Hill: “Sarah Palin came in on the last day, did a fly-around and, man, she was dynamite,” Chambliss told Fox News on Wednesday. “We packed the houses everywhere we went. And it really did allow us to peak and get our base fired up.”

    “fly-around”? “packed the houses”? “peak”? “get our base fired up”?

    There’s so much double entendre to work with there that it even makes me tired.

  89. Morris J.'s Trouser Tentpole said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:11

    I remain rigid!

  90. Crissa said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:16

    What, I thought conservatives loved overpriced diamond jewelry?

    At least, that’s what all the commercials tell us…

    …First she whines that he’s a crass commercialist, then complains that he’s not? WTF?

  91. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:18

    Why no talky talk and snicker-snack about the most recent election of dog catcher in a deeply contested anti-dog county? Could it be people don’t give a shit about some shitty political position that signifies the sum total of jack and shit in comparison to WE FUCKING GOT THE WHITE HOUSE AND CONGRESS NOW, MORRIS.

    So, in sum total, eat it, Morris, eat it raw.

  92. PeeJ said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:20

    Just because he didn’t buy her a ring that may not have existed doesn’t mean that he didn’t buy her a ring that did exist which we did not see or hear about. QED

  93. Another Kiwi said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:23

    “Rhodium” sounds like “Rhodesia.” Coincidence?
    Nice try at deflection but Rhodium is so close to Rhodham …so he’s got a thing for her now???
    “Baby, can you wear this ring and say shame on you?”

    You heard it here first

  94. PeeJ said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:23

    How low can can you put the bar before it’s officially impossible not to step over it?

    What step? They don’t step; they crawl, leaving a trail of slime.

  95. J— said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:23

    Fire on the mountain, run, boy, run
    The GOP’s back now that Saxby’s won
    The Democrats defeated, eatin’ up crow
    Granny, is the donkey alright?
    No, child, no

    From “The Palin Went Down to Georgia.”

  96. stryx said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:26

    From MediaMatters:

    The Daily Mail article cited an anonymous “spokesman” for Italian designer Giovanni Bosco, who reportedly said, “Our agent in the United States was asked by Mr Barack Obama about the ring because he wants it as a thank you gift for his wife Michelle for her support the last two years.” Smith wrote in his post that other than the quote from the unnamed source, “there seems to be no other evidence for the claim” that Obama plans to purchase the ring.

    Yeah, never did anything like that before- Look at something wildly expensive and beautiful and tell the sales person I’m looking to buy it for a gift. That’s how I got the Maserati, and the yaught, and the $2,705,040 condo on Coronado beach, the drug-fueled sextour to the DR, etc.

  97. sagra said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:27

    But what does it say about Obama, that many people thought it *could* be true?”

    It says something that shouldn’t be repeated in polite company, actually.

  98. Jacob Singer said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:31

    Yeah, that election that was so close for the incumbent Republican Governor that it turned into a run-off a month later after a holiday weekend just killed the Democrats’ chances in 2012, somehow.

  99. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:31

    I can’t wait for Palin to run in 2012.

    Perhaps you’ve forgotten, Morris (forgetting failure is a key wingnut requirement, after all), Bill Kristol is always wrong.

    So keep listening to him.

  100. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:31

    I wish they’d make up their minds about whether Obama is all about appearance and a master of PR (this being the only explanation of how he managed to steal the election) or he’s an incompetent idiot who would blow $30K on a trinket in these economic times.

  101. sagra said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:32

    Concluding that between 1983 and 1988 the Reagans failed to report some $3 million worth of free clothes, jewelry and furs, the IRS presented them with a hefty bill for back taxes and interest. A former assistant to Mrs. Reagan says the bill was settled.

    Any IRS agent who tried that with a Bush Wife would have found himself hanging upside down in a Gitmo prison cell.

  102. Arky4That1 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:34

    The Daily Mail article cited an anonymous “spokesman” for Italian designer Giovanni Bosco, who reportedly said …

    Um. Yeah. Did it cross anyone’s teeny tiny desk that this is a marketing ploy?

    “Look! This famous guy is buying our stuff. You should buy it too!”

    Nah, that would be too boring.

  103. chocolatepie said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:35

    The reason for those small towns was to provide summer cabins for the people who achieved middle-class status from the auto industry. Now their purpose is to produce resentment and bitterness.

    Since when are these mutually exclusive?

  104. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:36

    I’m still wishing for Keyes/Palin 2012.

    Hammer that last nail in, guys!

  105. His Grace said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:41

    But what does it say about so many people that thought it *could* be true about Obama?

    Fixed.

  106. chocolatepie said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:44

    Isn’t “Bush Wife” slang for sex doll?

  107. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:48

    Isn’t “Bush Wife” slang for sex doll?

    Your mileage may vary.

  108. mikey said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:48

    J–, I gotta steal that from you.

    It’s just too good:

    The Palin went down to Georgia
    She was lookin for some clothes to steal
    See, she was in a bind
    ‘Cause she was getting maligned
    Seems she’d lost most of her appeal

    When she came across an old man
    Filled with bigotry and hate
    And the Palin jumped up on the podium
    And said “Hey Senator, want a date?”

    “I bet you didn’t know it, but I hate them darkies too
    And if you’re as dumb as John McCain then I’ll campaign for you
    Now you’re a serious wackjob, Sax, but give Ole Palin her due
    In front of a crowd I’m white and proud and I hate them more than you”
    The Senator said “My name’s Saxby, and I’m probably a dope
    But nobody else will campaign for me and I’m runnin low on hope”

    Apologies to J– And Charlie Daniels

    mikey

  109. sagra said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:49

    Only the BDSM-themed ones, pie.

  110. The Reality-Based Dave said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:50

    If you thought her piece was rancid rumormongering, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Check out the shit shoveled by a rabid racist lesbian-hiding-deep-in-the-closet:
    http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives/2008/12/just_one_questi.html

  111. Lex (Palianated) Azagthoth said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:51

    I’m still wishing for Keyes/Palin 2012.

    Hammer that last nail in, guys!

    Sadly, I can see that happening.

  112. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:52

    Woo Hoo!

  113. J— said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:52

    Don’t apologize, mikey. That’s the collective power of a blog commentariat. Plus, my talents are usually only good for one verse or a chorus. You and some others here can do whole songs.

  114. Dreamweasel said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:57

    Hey Mikey, that was pretty good.

  115. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 20:59

    Rho rho rhodium,
    Diamonds are nice;
    Meeting military specs
    Pushes up the price.

  116. sagra said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:00

    Debbie’s off her game. Not a single mention of Flava-Flav or New York.

    It’s nice to see the commenters helping her out a bit.

  117. MzNicky said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:01

    Reality-based Dave: That link slimed me. Now I have to shower. Thanks. Thanks a LOT.

  118. Morris J. said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:03

    Palin/Jindal.

    Now, you laugh, because you’re liberals and that’s what liberals do, given the world view built on scorn and snark, the class envy, the vulgarity, the rudeness. So you laugh and laugh, but here’s the kicker…this is a movement, unlike the Obama hype, truly built on hope, truly built on what America wants and needs. You can have your celebrity, my liberal friends, we’ll have ourselves true change and be happier and better for it.

    I can’t wait for 2012.

  119. The Goddamn Batman Turned The Goddamn Batmobile Into A Low-Rider said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:03

    That link points to another “Huge win for the GOP”, Reality-Based Dave: now that they’ve lost, they don’t even have to pretend not to be racist.

  120. J— said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:05

    Now, you laugh, because you’re liberals and that’s what liberals do, given the world view built on scorn and snark, The Buttocks, the vulgarity, the rudeness.

  121. Susan of Texas said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:06

    Fuck yeah.

  122. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:06

    ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
    Isn’t “Bush Wife” slang for sex doll?
    Your mileage may vary.

    I am deeply concerned about the mentality of a person who has instant, cross-indexed access to Derenegade’s catalogue of Laura Bush wardrobe dysfunctions going back to July 2006.

  123. The Needle said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:07

    Thank you, thank you, Sadly, for giving me another comedy blog to read! No Quarter was getting so boring…

  124. Tommmcatt said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:07

    See, I had forgotten all about The Buttocks…

  125. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Crusade said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:07

    Looks like the Obama effect in Georgia is long over. All the black people who voted for Obama stayed home during the runoff election, (it was two white guys running, after all.) which is why Chambliss won by a relatively wide margin of 57%, while McCain only carried Georgia by 52%.

    It looks like you libs are 2 votes short on your fillibuster proof majority, with Norm Coleman winning in Minnesota.

    Don’t cry too much though my liberal peons, I’m sure Rinos like Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins will reach across the aisle to help Obama pass his leftist agenda. I’m just glad to see Rino Chuck Hagel lose his Senate seat to a conservative. Maybe some good came out of this election after all.

    Lets just hope more Rinos will bite the dust, and be replaced by conservatives.

  126. t4toby said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:09

    Bravo, J- and mikey.

    Bravo!

  127. t4toby said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:12

    Alright, who left the fucking door open?

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

    (See? I’m laughing and laughing. At you.)

    Palin/Jindal. That is rich.

    I can’t imagine a better present.

  128. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:14

    The Buttocks, the vulgarity, the rudeness.

    The itching, the burning.

    Try Cruex(tm).

  129. D.N. Nation said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:20

    I’m curious…are you ever- ever!- going to admit how ridiculously incorrect you were about the election? You’ve dropped a couple of oh well, guess it wuddn’t in the cards, but so far haven’t admitted how much fail you brought to this place over the past few months.

    and

    And, specifically: Your bloated analysis of The Bradley Effect(TM), saying that McCain would sweep the toss-ups (he got Missouri and, um, well…), saying that Obama would be screwed in the Rust Belt/north Midwest, saying that Michelle Obama and Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright and whatever Evil Person of the Week would be the final nail in Obama’s coffin, saying how you delighted in how worried we were about Obama’s impending doom, etc., etc. etmfc.

    Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, a million times wrong.

    It is adorable- positively adorable- that you’re still claiming victory because Obama will likely be more centrist than…now see what I’m doing here…than people like you said he would be. See that? We never thought Obama was radical. We never really he thought he was much of a lefty. But he was sane, and he was reasonable, and that was enough. Go back through the archives; it’s all there. You were the one who painted him as a radical Muslimarxist. You, dude. You. Not us.

    So if you want to claim victory because- hilariously- you were wrong, then go ahead. I have no idea how you expect anyone to take you seriously (not that we ever have), but there it is. Keep on spinning. I’m sure you’re getting a leg up on 2012.

    I (surprise, surprise) never received a response from Truthy pertaining to these matters. Wanna give it a go this time around, Truth?

  130. D.N. Nation said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:21

    Additionally,

    Meanwhile, the big liberal issues you want – troops out of Iraq

    Um, that one’s actually going to happen. Theoretically, exactly as Obama described on the campaign trail.

  131. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Crusade said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:21

    Speaking of Rinos, I’m still very PO’d that, that scumbag, Wayne Gilcrest endorsed the Democratic candidate, instead of Andy Harris, the conservative candidate who defeated him in the primary.

    What a spoiled, whiney, immature, backstabbing little wiener. If I ever see that Rino bum, Gilcrest in person, I’m gonna punch him in the gut.

  132. Tim (The Other One) said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:26

    Shalom Morris

  133. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:30

    Obama is an empty suit, an orator with boundless ambition and no real plans for change.

    And yet somehow he’s also a power-crazed machine politician due to become another Stalin!

    Why, how paradoxical.

  134. Tommmcatt said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:32

    Meanwhile, the big liberal issues you want – troops out of Iraq, universal healthcare, and so – aren’t going to happen.

    Wait, did everybody bookmark this page? Because I’m sure we’ll be cutting and pasting that phrase for truthie for YEARS to come….

  135. Dan Someone said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:35

    We’ve had this discussion, Truthiness. The “change” Obama was so eloquent about, and the American electorate responded to, was a change from the policies and excesses and sheer unadulterated hackery of the BushCo Administration. By contrast, the Clinton Administration, though flawed, was a paragon of competence and intellect, so even if the Obama Administration is exactly like Clinton’s (and if your mind had even a tangential relation to your nym, you’d know it won’t be), it will be a vast improvement over the last eight years and, yes, a significant “change.”

    Now run along and start looking for Bobby Jindal’s birth certificate to combat all the rumors that will pop up in 2010 about his birthplace and religion. Oh wait, that won’t happen because pandering to white folks’ fear of Scary Brown People is a Republican tactic.

  136. D.N. Nation said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:37

    Yes, unfortunately John McCain was defeated by Barack Obama.

    Oh no, that’s not what I’m asking you to admit. I’m asking you to admit how laughably Kristol-wrong you were about freaking everything. Everything! Everything from how Michelle Obama would be received at the DNC to how Obama would perform in swing states to the Bradley Effect to everything, everywhere. Everything! You couldn’t have possibly been more incorrect.

    I want you to take that long post you made a week before the election- the one wherein you played out exactly how election night was going to roll- and refute every moronic point.

    Elsewise you’re just hopping from troll post to troll post.

    Obama apparently plans to carry through on none of his vague campaign promises.

    And we know this a month+ before he even takes office. Awesome.

    Conversely, you liberals are greatly upset by this

    Some, yes. But- and here we go again, another example of The Truth sidestepping his own laughable FAIL- we’re proven right here. Again, take a look at the archives. Instead of wasting our time here, why not do something productive? Look at all the times Brad or Clif or whoever would mention that, despite all ramblings from the contrary from PEOPLE LIKE YOU, Obama was a centrist and would govern as such.

    So we’re left with the following argument:

    Truth: OBAMA IS TOO RADICAL TO BE ELECTED!
    Us: No, he’s not. And he’ll be elected.
    Obama elected
    Truth: YAY! I WIN! HE’S NOT RADICAL AND YOU’RE MAD ABOUT IT!

    It’s a bogus, weird, pass-the-buck-to-the-trash-bin argument, full of some of the most stunning dislogic I’ve seen since accidentally stopping by Gateway Pundit. You’re literally proud of being laughably wrong about everything. And you don’t even admit how wrong you were.

    You’re a treasure, Truth. I parody troll this site a lot, but I don’t think I’m even up to developing a character full of such fundamental and complex nonsense.

    And you still won’t just say it. I, The Truth, was wrong about everything pertaining to the election, and should be judged as such.

  137. D.N. Nation said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:39

    I don’t think I’m even up to developing a character full of such fundamental and complex nonsense.

    Though, to pat myself on the back, I think my “Iris” got awfully close.

  138. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:41

    …his appointments of centrists

    Wait, so Shillary of the Clan KKKlinton is a centrist now? Wheeee!

  139. Dan Someone said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:42

    And Obama’s election is not a “victory over you,” Truthless, but it does underscore the fact that all your smug predictifying here was 100% wrong.

    Which leads me to believe that all of those Obama worries you mention – troops out of Iraq, universal health care, and so on – are very likely to come to pass. You’re like a barometer of wrong.

  140. PeeJ said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:45

    Palin/Jindal.

    Please please please please please.

  141. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:45

    Now, you laugh, because you’re liberals and that’s what liberals do

    Laugh at funny right wingers?

    Yea. I suppose we do. Someone has to!

  142. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:46

    You liberals are having some fun trying to distract yourselves and everyone else from the reality: Obama is an empty suit, an orator with boundless ambition and no real plans for change.

    Oh Troofie…and Bush was a “compassionate conservative”!

    He lied. As do you. Liar.

  143. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:47

    Still waiting for Pravda to denounce the entire chimpo administration for not courageously resigning after 911 like the senior Indian officials did after their failure securing the residents of Mumbai.

    Of course, wingnuts/nutjobs/whackjobs live in Bizarro World where failure is a virtue, so perhaps that accounts for the nutjob trolls here celebrating conservatism’s massive and enduring failure for the last eight years.

  144. mikey said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:47

    Y’know, I don’t read these idiot trolls, prefering instead to keep our interaction limited to a discussion of delicious fruit-filled deserts, but I am heartened by their drooling focus on hate, exclusion, warmongering and domestic economic policies that benefit the wealthy at the expense of the rest of us.

    I was concerned that they might actually look at their massive losses in the last two national elections, and look at the demographics and the fading support for their divisive “wedge” issues among the younger and non-white population that is more and more defining the mainstream American electorate and seriously consider an approach to policy-making that would appeal to a broad constituency.

    After all, the bigoted tribal christian nutjobs are going to vote for them even if they don’t pander, merely by being against abortion. Of course, that alone makes it difficult for them to appeal to women (half the voters, last time I looked), but they could even tone that down and still keep the 28%ers.

    But it turns out I worried without cause. They are so desperately afraid of losing one white bigot trailer park vote that they are clearly going to further marginalize their party, embracing perhaps a quarter of the constituency while driving close to twice that into the arms of the Democrats.

    Good going, guys. Stay irrational, wouldya?

    mikey

  145. PeeJ said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:50

    I can’t wait to see the Palin/Jindal 2012 platform

    “Experience … in exorcism!”

  146. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:50

    > Which leads me to believe that all of those Obama worries you mention – troops out of Iraq, universal health care, and so on – are very likely to come to pass. You’re like a barometer of wrong.

    Just remember that failure is a Badge Of Courage for wingnuts/nutjobs/whackjobs. This principle helps to explain why Pravda, Kristol, Morris, etc just keep yammering their fail-filled insanity here and on the editorial pages.

    And for Rugged, failure is a Badger Of Courage.

  147. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:58

    The Red Badger of Courage — about the role of badgers on the Russian side during the Battle of Stalingrad — would make a good movie.

  148. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:59

    I was concerned that they might actually look at their massive losses in the last two national elections, and look at the demographics and the fading support for their divisive “wedge” issues among the younger and non-white population that is more and more defining the mainstream American electorate and seriously consider an approach to policy-making that would appeal to a broad constituency.

    I dunno, Mikey…as old as I am, I can recall a time when we had actual real dialogue of substance, when both sides of an issue HAD to be presented in the media (you know, the Fairness Doctrine and all that) and Americans were presented with a choice.

    I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as talk radio and yammering right wing controlled main stream media took over the national airwaves that people jsut stopped voting in greater numbers.

    Until this year. Until it really mattered.

    I like the two party system, so long as its about us and not the two parties.

  149. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 21:59

    The Red Badger of Courage — about the role of badgers on the Russian side during the Battle of Stalingrad — would make a good movie.

    WOLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINES!

  150. WereBear said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:22

    That part where he wins the Award of Ferret (sniff!) always chokes me up.

  151. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:24

    Your place ermine?

  152. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:26

    Hey, you stole my joke, SmutClyde!

  153. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:27

    Your place ermine?

    You went through an ocleot to come up with that pun, didn’t you?

  154. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:28

    Pere, you otter be ashamed…

  155. Dreamweasel said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:32

    I….I got nothin’.

  156. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:33

    Oh, ha ha ha about the badgers (you wouldn’t think it was so funny if you had a million-strong murder of badgers rushing your city, believe me).

    As to the ring controversy, everybody knows that American presidents get a big kickback from the Arabs if the president will promise to hold hands and kiss with their king, in public no less. So, Obama buying his wife this ring is just sort of a “hey, I’m not gay, even if I exchange spit with this Arab guy, and here’s a fancy ring to just shut up about it, ok?” thing that he has to do to keep the peace.

  157. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:34

    Oh, and that photo of Kim Priestap? I’d totally hit that car behind her!

  158. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:37

    Come on, Dreamweasel…take a swing of the bat!

  159. Johnny Pez said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:42

    Hey, how come Barry isn’t buying an imaginary $30,000 ring for his new Secretary of State-designate?

    This is a SLAP IN THE FACE to Hillary!

  160. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:45

    Hey, how come Barry isn’t buying an imaginary $30,000 ring for his new Secretary of State-designate?

    Following the Bush model, I guess he’s her husband now, right?

  161. A musty container said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:47

    My mustelid. Let me show you it.

  162. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:48

    Your place ermine?
    You went through an ocleot to come up with that pun, didn’t you?

    I admit, it took a while to sett it up.

  163. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:51

    > You went through an ocleot to come up with that pun, didn’t you?

    If you guys don’t stop with these awful puns the fur will start flying around here.

  164. The Needle said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:51

    It looks like you libs are 2 votes short on your fillibuster proof majority, with Norm Coleman winning in Minnesota.

    it looks like you douchebags are a lot of votes short on ANY majority. Including a majority of electoral, popular, congressional, or senatorial votes.

  165. Johnny Pez said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:52

    Btw, I just heard from an anonymous source at the Louvre that Obama is planning to buy the Mona Lisa for $500 million in taxpayer money so he can have Michelle painted in in place of Mrs. Gioconda.

    He’s also going to use the painting to locate the Holy Grail, which he plans to give to his fellow Muslim terrorists in Al Qaeda so they can use it in a magical ritual that will DESTROY CHRISTIANITY.

    It’s TRUE, dammit!

  166. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:55

    If you guys don’t stop with these awful puns the fur will start flying around here.

    I felt I had to jump in. I would be lion if I said otherwise.

  167. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:56

    If you guys don’t stop with these awful puns the fur will start flying around here.

    You really have to beaver careful with the rodent puns. Your reputation will be marten times more than any benefit you’ll experience. But if you liberal fascists insist, well that’s just my two guineas, pigs.

  168. Orange Tom said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:57

    It looks like you libs are 2 votes short on your fillibuster proof majority, with Norm Coleman winning in Minnesota

    Hmm? Last I heard, Franken was ahead. Vote counting ends on Friday, no?

  169. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:59

    You really have to beaver careful with the rodent puns. Your reputation will be marten times more than any benefit you’ll experience. But if you liberal fascists insist, well that’s just my two guineas, pigs.

    Listen, you’re coming off like a rabbit wingnut when you speak like this.

  170. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 22:59

    Werebear is stoatally to blame.

  171. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:01

    Werebear is stoatally to blame

    We’ll seal about that!

  172. Loneoak said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:04

    Whoa, whoa, whoa … hold up. From RealityBasedDave’s link to Schlussel’s insanely racist post comes this comment:

    All who know Debbie Schlussel know she will never post a correction. What a slimy, smear-merchanting bitch.

    The truth you can’t get from the Schlut:

    FACT CHECK: Michelle Obama won’t get pricey ring
    3 hours ago

    WASHINGTON (AP) — Looks like Michelle Obama won’t be setting aside her fake pearls in favor of a $30,000 thank you ring from her husband.

    London tabloids reported that President-elect Barack Obama was buying a pricey rhodium ring from Italian designer Giovanni Bosco for his wife. But there’s no truth to the report, said Obama spokesman Dan Pfeiffer.

    The rumor began overseas and made the rounds of American blogs, including the Drudge Report.

    The office of Giovanni Bosco, reached in northern Italy, also said the reports were incorrect.

    Posted by: Ann Althouse at December 2, 2008 05:55 PM

    Okay. Now. Is this for reals? Is there a genius parody troll in the house? Nobody does parody trolling better than the denizens of S,N! But I seriously hope its the real deal Ann Althouse. ‘Cuz that would be the awesomest cross-blogger post ever.

  173. Johnny Pez said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:04

    Oh, and if the producers of the “National Treasure” franchise want to contact me about optioning the film rights to my last comment, I can be reached via my blog.

  174. Dislocating Beg the Saxophonist said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:07

    Well. I am raccoon my brains here.

  175. t4toby said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:13

    We really need to ferret out all of the bad puns from this thread.

  176. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:14

    Well. I am raccoon my brains here.

    We’ll bear with you.

  177. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:14

    If you guys don’t stop with these awful puns the fur will start flying around here.

    I’ll tell muh paw on you!

  178. Orange Tom said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:14

    Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
    With tangerine trees and marmoset skies

  179. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:16

    We’ll bear with you.

    Time for a round of bear-hating?

  180. t4toby said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:18

    Would this be a confusion of comments? Or more of a boogle?

  181. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:19

    Time for a round of bear-hating?

    I fang so.

  182. Tommmcatt said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:20

    I’m trying to thing of one but it’s stoatally not happening….

  183. Tommmcatt said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:23

    Ah, think of one, I mean, but now all the funny ran out the typo.

  184. Joe Max said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:24

    River Daughter is on the case!

    http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2008/12/03/wednesday-obamalama-ding-dang/

    Nobody has bothered to inform the commenters that it’s bogus. (I was banned from their forum long ago.)

    How is it that PUMAs can be even slower and denser than wingnuts?

  185. t4toby said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:25

    In Scotland, Weasel (like snake elsewhere) is slang term for the male reproductive organ. Therefore, reference to a person as ‘a weasel’ or ‘weasely’ is significantly more offensive than in other English speaking countries.

    I knew that Commander guy was a weasel!

  186. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:26

    How is it that PUMAs can be even slower and denser than wingnuts?

    OK, did you want the Newtonian explanation or the quantum physics one?

    In QP, they exist in the event horizon of a black hole. To them, it’s really still June 1 and Hillary still has a shot.

    In Newtonian terms, they are as dense as cabbages heads.

  187. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:29

    Jesus.

    I’m sitting here listening to the WORST GODDAMN Christmas music on the face of God’s grey Earth. It’s kind of a mix of American-Idol wannabees, Disney Radio tunes, R&B-ish gospeloid, and college radio nasal Alternative pop. My, it’s just so festive I could just poke my eardrums out with a pencil.

  188. Curly Howard said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:30


    River Daughter is on the case!

    http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2008/12/03/wednesday-obamalama-ding-dang/

    Nobody has bothered to inform the commenters that it’s bogus. (I was banned from their forum long ago.)

    How is it that PUMAs can be even slower and denser than wingnuts?

    Thanks for the lynx.

  189. jim said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:31

    It’s twoo, it’s twoo!
    The ring’s designer HAD to deny the story, under threat of being designated as a Chicago Comptroller.

    Just because there was no ring visible there, it doesn’t mean that there could have been a ring there that nobody was able to see! Proof of Obama’s diabolical power to cloud men’s minds? It would be irresponsible not to assume so!

    I can’t wait for 2012.

    In what respect, Charlie?

    Yes, I’m sure that a woman whose only asset is her looks will be an even BETTER draw when she’s four years older (& from the looks of it, not one iota brighter) … & who doesn’t want to vote for someone that supports exorcisms? SOME of the children that get subjected to them don’t even die, after all! So what if there’s some “collateral damage” in the War On Satanic Terror? It’s a small price to pay for a demon-free America … just one teeny-tiny amendment to the Constitution & Abracadabra – mandatory exorcisms for all!

    Why not just get Tom Cruise to run for the GOP on a “Thetan-proofing America” platform while you’re at it? Or hook up with some of those sexy Raelians? Or the TimeCube guy? They’d fit right in by now.

    The GOP – now brought to you entirely via the Cartoon Network.

  190. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:31

    MSNBC.com once again delivers New You Can Use:

    How to tell a boy polar bear from a girl polar bear

  191. Pere Ubu said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:34

    Proof of Obama’s diabolical power to cloud men’s minds? It would be irresponsible not to assume so!

    Told you so.

  192. Galactic Dustbin said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:39

    MSNBC.com once again delivers New You Can Use:

    How to tell a boy polar bear from a girl polar bear

    The scream of the polar bear girl is higher when they drown or starve.

  193. Susan of Texas said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:43

    Palin believes in magic, and so does Jindal, so we could have the coolest cabinet. I want Harry Potter for Sec Def, and Hermoine for Education. Maybe Samantha, Endora and Aunt Esmerelda can join too.

  194. Smut Clyde said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:45

    This is all about shrinking government until it is small enough to put it in the bath-tub and call it a witch if it floats.

  195. Matt T. said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:46

    How to tell a boy polar bear from a girl polar bear

    Ya know, I’d imagine that, in most circumstances, if one found oneself close enough to a polar bear to discern its sex, the point’s sorta moot at that point.

  196. Teh Sound said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:52

    Palin believes in magic, and so does Jindal

    They’re burning witches
    Up on Punishment Hill
    Dying proof of the power of authority
    To exact its will

  197. actor212 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 23:54

    Ya know, I’d imagine that, in most circumstances, if one found oneself close enough to a polar bear to discern its sex, the point’s sorta moot at that point.

    Yea, but I’d still want to know before I crossed the floor to buy her a drink.

  198. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:00

    put it in the bath-tub and call it a witch if it floats

    How do you know it’s not a duck, then?

  199. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:02

    Ur seein’ it right there

  200. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:03

    And you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry polar…
    The government has a wart on its nose!

  201. Amy Alkon's Testicles said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:03

    Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

  202. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:03

    Or what’s ur sine, baby

  203. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:05

    Ur sine… polar coordinates… I see what you do there.

  204. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:05

    Actually, I think male polar bears are about twice the size of female polar bears.

  205. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:07

    Polare, oh, oh
    Caimane, oh, oh, oh, oh

  206. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:07

    Those are just ursinine jokes..

  207. Mentis Fugit said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:08

    Legalize said,

    I love the commenters “agreeing” that Obama has the “right” to spend his own money on whatever the fuck he wants. Thanks, guys!

    Proving once and for all that racism is no longer an issue in America!!!

    El Swear:

    It looks like you libs are 2 votes short on your fillibuster proof majority, with Norm Coleman winning in Minnesota.

    Does this mean Joe Lieberman is going to turn up stuffed behind a dumpster in the basement in a pool of formaldehyde?

    Pere Ubu said,

    MSNBC.com once again delivers New You Can Use:
    How to tell a boy polar bear from a girl polar bear

    Bi polar bears have more fun.

  208. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:12

    “It’s a new model government! They just brought it down, and they say it explains everything!”

  209. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:13

    Does this mean Joe Lieberman is going to turn up stuffed behind a dumpster in the basement in a pool of formaldehyde?

    I CAN HAZ? KTHX

  210. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:21

    “Those are just ursinine jokes..”

    Stop grizzlying

  211. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Crusade said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:22

    Unfortunately, the British are moving ever closer to cultural suicide. Political Correctness rears its ugly head again.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1091218/Muslim-prayer-rooms-opened-Catholic-schools-say-church-leaders.html

  212. jurassicpork said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:25

    Gallup: 7 in 10 terrorists believe Obama to be Muslim. Guess where they get their news from?

  213. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:35

    Who’s interviewing terrorists, anyway? And how?

    “Excuse me, sir, I can’t help but notice that belt of explosives around your waist. You wouldn’t happen to be a terrorist, would you?”

    [cheesy accent] “YES PRAISE ALLAH THAT INDEED IS WHAT I AM RUNNING DOG OF ZIONIST IMPERIALISM”

    “Well, could I trouble you to answer a few questions? Then I’d like to show you these shows slated for the new season on ABC and I’d like your opinion on them….”

  214. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Jihad said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:44

    Endless Haggis for volunteeers!

    No Haggis for the Infidels!

    Onward to Jerusalem!!!!!

  215. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:53

    I wonder if those terrorists are the ones that own Mattel?
    Play “DIE infidel son of a diseased whore!!! The hottest new self immolation game from Mattel. Batteries not included

  216. Loneoak said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:54

    Endless Haggis for volunteeers!

    No Haggis for the Infidels!

    Sign me up for the opposition.

  217. sagra said,

    December 4, 2008 at 0:54

    Ugh. Puns make me varmit.

  218. LittlePig said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:02

    Unfortunately, the British are moving ever closer to cultural suicide.

    Nope. The British stood up to the blitz (and in a manner a hell of a lot better than Americans handled 9/11, a joke by comparison) – they can handle some Muslims praying.

    Christ you conservatives are such total and complete pussies. A bunch of Bronze Age nimrods aren’t going to destroy Britan or American, much less Western Civilizations.

    Man up, Nancy.

  219. Loneoak said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:06

    Could it just be that conservatives’ testicles haven’t yet descended? Is that why they hate sex so much and are terrified by every bump in the night?

    It would be wrong not to speculate.

  220. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:10

    A bunch of Bronze Age nimrods aren’t going to destroy Britan or American, much less Western Civilizations.

    Bronze Age they may be, but they’re clever enough to frighten Americans into dismantling their own civilization.

  221. noen said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:13

    “Bi polar bears have more fun.”

    Have you ever been in group with bi-polar bears? Sure to the rest of the world they appear to be happy but it’s all an act I tell ya.

  222. goober said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:19

    http://sweetness-light.com/archive/get-your-obama-defecating-ornaments

    Of course, Obama’s don’t stink.

  223. t4toby said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:19

    Bronze Age they may be, but they’re clever enough to frighten Americans into dismantling their own civilization.

    And that’s…bad?

    The most resource intensive and meddlesome culture in recorded history?

  224. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Crusade said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:20

    Europe has been Islamicized.Islam will destroy Britain, if the British continue to allow muslim immigration. For over a thousand years, the population of the British Isles where White Europeans, whom along with Christianity, formed the basis for British culture.

    With non-white, muslim outsiders moving enmasse to Britain, traditional British culture is being deluted. And just a harmful, the British goverment has given in to the twin plagues of political correctness and secularism. They have abandoned their Christian faith, with only 10% of the British population regularly attending Church services.

    The British have censored free speech at the request of their Islamic virus. To top it all off, native white Britons currently have a birth rate that is below replacement level with 1.7 children born per woman. Meanwhile, Britons muslim population currently has a birth rate of 3.5 children born per woman. At the rate this is going, south asian muslims are going to be in the majority by 2050!

    Pretty soon Great Britain will be unrecognizable, traditional British culture will no longer exist. You liberals however, see Western Civilization and cultue as the source of all the world’s evils. You believe that slavery was an unforgiveable sin, therefore the West deserves to be destoyed, despite our doing more good for civilization than ill.

    Let us hope and pray, that America never becomes Latinized the way

  225. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Crusade said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:24

    Sorry I got cut off.

    I was saying, let us hope and pray that America never becomes Latinized the way Europe has become Islamicized.

  226. Simba B said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:25

    Of course, Obama’s don’t stink.

    No, that smell is desperation. Of course, it also could be fat bald man sweat from inside a fursuit.

  227. noen said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:26

    “Pretty soon Great Britain will be unrecognizable”

    Actually, “pretty soon” a great deal of it will be under water.

  228. Simba B said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:26

    Sorry I got cut off.

    We’re devastated such a thing would happen to you.

  229. noen said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:27

    “Sorry I got cut off.”

    Switched hands huh?

  230. The Reality-Based Dave said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:31

    “Just because there was no ring visible there, it doesn’t mean that there could have been a ring there that nobody was able to see! Proof of Obama’s diabolical power to cloud men’s minds? It would be irresponsible not to assume so!”

    AAARRGGHHHHHH!!!
    I hear the ghost of AAlthouse!
    Run away! Run away!
    AAARRGGHHHHHH!!!
    Ran into the ghost of Noonan’s empty bottle!
    RUN FASTER!!!

  231. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:32

    Sorry I got cut off.

    To date, the only comment of any degree of interest made by the Commander, if only for the curiosity it raises as to how exactly one gets cut off if one determines when to press the “Submit Comment” button.

  232. Simba B said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:33

    Somebody is not aware of all Internet traditions over at CheezWhizBang—

    Looks like you’re not exactly aware of all Internet traditions, particularly, that ‘shorter’ pieces are, well, short, and to the point. Also, cleverness helps.

    So how long will that take to go down the memory hole?

  233. Commander of the Scottish Contingent during the First Crusade said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:37

    If you must know, the reason I got cut off is because I am also watching my five month old puppy Rikki, who insists on jumping on the couch with me as I type, jumping around, playing, and otherwise being very annoying.

    She actually knocked my laptop off the stool, I’m resting it on.

    Cute dog, but occasionally a real pain in the arse.

  234. Simba B said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:39

    Cute dog, but occasionally a real pain in the arse.

    So that’s not illegal in Arkansas, I take it.

  235. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:44

    Perhaps you thought I was joking about Palin’s new pearl necklace. Perhaps not:
    $30,000 for Palin accessories.
    $30,000 is the new $64,000.

  236. D.N. Nation said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:49

    Awww…did Truth get his feewings hurt?

  237. Loneoak said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:49

    Gawd, it would terrible if England became a colony of, say, Pakistan, Inida, Iraq, Iran, Zimbabwe, Australia, Native American Nations, etc, etc.

    The irony would be unbearable.

  238. Loneoak said,

    December 4, 2008 at 1:54

    Didn’t it cost Elliot Spitzer around $30K to give pearl necklaces?

  239. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:14

    I was saying, let us hope and pray that America never becomes Latinized the way Europe has become Islamicized.

    Of course, let us apple water binomial that Kate Winslett chowder millipede becomes green tufts of alphabet, which mnakes just as much sense as what you’re babbling about.

  240. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:14

    With non-white, muslim outsiders moving enmasse to Britain, traditional British culture is being deluted.

    And British luthiers are really pissed about it.

  241. WereBear said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:17

    Didn’t it cost Elliot Spitzer around $30K to give pearl necklaces?

    It cost him a lot more than that!

    From the looks the Missus was giving him at the press conference, he would have to squeeze a lot of coal with his bare hands to keep all his parts attached and working.

  242. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:22

    Didn’t it cost Elliot Spitzer around $30K to give pearl necklaces?

    Ok, just to be clear, that’s a euphemism for anal beads, right?

  243. t4toby said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:24

    Tell me you’re kidding, Tom.

  244. Loneoak said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:26

    OT, think of an act that would result in leaving a string of pearly substance just below a person’s chin.

  245. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:26

    And British luthiers are really pissed about it.
    I fail to see how the British could be luthier, since ‘luthy’ is not a word.

    around $30K to give pearl necklaces?
    The IRS are very keen to contact Pearl.

  246. Simba B said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:28

    since ‘luthy’ is not a word.

    Oh, God, when was the last time that stopped you, Mr. Smut Clyde?

  247. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:28

    It cost him a lot more than that!

    Plus, she insisted he put on a condom, which complicates the bestowing of necklace.

  248. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:29

    think of an act that would result in leaving a string of pearly substance just below a person’s chin.
    This is why modern science has given us the Drool Cup.

  249. t4toby said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:31

    Man. This thread has really crashed and burned.

    See what happens when we don’t have any trolls to bash?

    I like prurient conversations as well as the next guy, but…

  250. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:32

    With non-white, muslim outsiders moving enmasse to Britain, traditional British culture is being deluted.

    And British luthiers are really pissed about it.

    Fear not, my British friends, for though your great nation may be deluted, you still have the ukuleles and their players to carry on the finest traditions in British composition.

  251. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:34

    Plus, she insisted he put on a condom

    Over the anal beads? Ok, now I’m clearly well out of my depth.

  252. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:40

    Antipodeans, represent!

  253. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:41

    Over the anal beads?

    Over his pearlcaster!

  254. WereBear said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:46

    I can’t think of Spitzer without flashing back to Jon Stewart saying, “And he’s out with a career-ending penis injury!”

    Though the guy with the diaper fetish is still representing Louisiana. Truly, some folks have no shame. I suppose if it had involved bestiality, wingnuts would have drawn the line. So any hetero activity, no matter how weird and adulterous, is okay?

  255. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:47

    Over his pearlcaster!

    Oh, we’re back to the luthier thing?

  256. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:50

    The lute is the Devil’s instrument.

  257. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:53

    Oh, we’re back to the luthier thing?

    Or maybe Randy Rhoads.

  258. Tim (The Other One) said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:54

    Jesus, look at the state of this thread.

  259. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:55

    http://www.edroman.com/guitars/pearlcaster.htm

  260. noen said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:56

    “if it had involved bestiality, wingnuts would have drawn the line”

    Next to the stump?

  261. noen said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:58

    “Jesus, look at the state of this thread.”

    What? It’s nearly 300 count. We bought it on sale, stop complaining.

  262. Tim (The Other One) said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:02

    “Can You imagine what Black Sabbath would have sounded like if Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward would have formed the band in the 14th century?”

    Is this mandatory ?

  263. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:03

    WereBear said,

    December 4, 2008 at 2:46

    I can’t think of Spitzer without flashing back to Jon Stewart saying, “And he’s out with a career-ending penis injury!”
    ============================================================
    I’m sure Plaxico Burress will be back.

  264. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:06

    Jesus, look at the state of this thread

    My fellow SadlyNaughts,
    The State of the Thread is Strong.
    We will battle trolls over here to keep them from following us to Unqualified Offerings or Whiskey Fire or some other site.
    Puns are just the beginning, we will cut the sophistication of our jokes until we’re sown to one word posts of PENIS or POOP.
    We must remain vigilant for signs of wingnuttery or insightful conversation and beat it with arguments such as Teh Buttocks.
    We do these things, not because they are easy, but because they get the more perverted of us hard.

  265. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:07

    PENIS

  266. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:07

    or

  267. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:07

    POOP

  268. Tim (The Other One) said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:09

    Paging Coach Meyer, Coach Urban Meyer.

    For me to POOP on !

  269. noen said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:12

    I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be sewn to any posts. No matter how many words are nailed on.

  270. WereBear said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:13

    Well, the church had already banned the “Devil’s Chord,” so I imagine they would have gotten in much more trouble back then.

    Ozzie would have had to bite the heads off of many bats to make up for it.

  271. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:13

    http://www.edroman.com/guitars/pearlcaster.htm

    Wow, I like this Ed Roman guy. Here’s what he has to say about Brazilian rosewood:

    I happen to believe that Brazilian Rosewood is overly priced and that the Corrupt Brazilian Government has decided to capitalize on the Stupid Gringo Americans once again. They have falsely driven the price up by saying it is destroying the rainforests to cut it down. Typical large corporate tactics… Make something a little hard to get. The Moronic, Rich, American, German & Japanese consumers will line up in an orderly fashion because then, and only then will they have to have it. Of course they will pay ridiculous prices for it.

    I call this a Scamwood !!!!

    More rants here, opening with one on our current president.

    He reminds me of Alex at Zachary Guitars, who has very strong opinions about guitar strings and shares them.

  272. protected static said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:13

    Teh Buttocks

    Are we counting that as one word, or two? Regardless, I see Teh Buttsecks as a reasonable alternative.

    If difficult without Teh Buttocks.

    Or PENIS.

  273. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:13

    until we’re sown to one word posts
    As ye sow, so shall ye reap POOP.

  274. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:14

    Yo international Ukes! They in your face!

    The reformation killed the great Lute bands. Curse you Martin Luthier!

  275. Joe Max said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:15

    Your place ermine?
    You went through an ocleot to come up with that pun, didn’t you?

    I mink you’re both crazy.

    And you don’t have the slightest chinchilla of truth you.

    *budda-BOOM*

  276. Simba B said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:17

    I notice we have no trolls…and guess who isn’t around?

  277. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:19

    If difficult without Teh Buttocks.

    Or PENIS.

    (cough) anal beads (cough).

  278. Mentis Fugit said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:20

    Werebear:

    I suppose if it had involved bestiality, wingnuts would have formed the line.

    Fized.

    Or is that what noen was saying?

  279. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:22

    I am deeply concerned about the mentality of a person who has instant, cross-indexed access to Derenegade’s catalogue of Laura Bush wardrobe dysfunctions going back to July 2006.

    I am very concerned about your deep concern.

    So you see, it goes both ways.

  280. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:22

    Reformation? Lute bands? Don’t tell me that John Dowland is getting together for another sodding farewell tour.
    See also.

  281. Orange Tom said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:26

    OMG!!! Sting singing Dowland? Someone was mightily wasted when they thought up THAT shite.

  282. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:28

    If Dowland had armed his audiences that would have prevented the Tolpuddle Martyrs

  283. Tim (The Other One) said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:28

    Pompous Spice (encore).

  284. mikey said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:34

    Mardon me, Padam, but you’re occupewing the wrong Pie.

    May I sew you to a sheet?

    mikey

  285. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:40

    And that’s…bad?

    The most resource intensive and meddlesome culture in recorded history?

    Unfortunately, those are the last parts to be dismantled.

  286. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:46

    ZZ Top was not singing about jewelry derived from oysters.

  287. Ruthie said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:47

    Rhodium and diamond ring? Having benefitted from the knowledge of family who have been in the jewelry manufacturing business for over 3 generations, I think not. While rhodium is more expensive than platinum, it is generally not used alone or to set diamonds because it is too brittle. Rhodium is most often used as a plating material, to provide a shiny finish to white gold and some silver jewelry. It is considered hypoallergenic.

  288. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:48

    John Emo-kid Dowland was made for Sting.

  289. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:57

    Ruthie: I think you know better than to ruin wingnut poutrage with facts.

  290. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 3:59

    On the other hand, the CheezWhizBang thread is still going and no one seems to be paying any attention to the comments. I think I’ll go pester them some more biting reality.

  291. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:02

    The concern troll thread is still going too, MzNicky.

    In case you need a timeout with the fun people.

  292. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:07

    ittdgy: I’m having fun on that one too. It’s cracking me up.

    (I love being an aggrieved whiner.)

  293. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:21

    the CheezWhizBang thread

    The “Sean Penn said hello to a COMMUNIST OMFG!!!11″ one?

  294. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:31

    Pere Ubu: Also the “Obama bought his wife a $30,000 ring” one. Scroll way down toward the end.

  295. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:44

    Now I’m worried that the deluting of England will flood the market with lute-strings and reduce their convertibility.

  296. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:46

    More useful information on the deluting of England:
    http://mp3fiesta.com/the_convertibility_of_lute_strings_song159253/

  297. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:53

    ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©, on December 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 pm Said:

    riverdaughter, have you considered entering the twit Olympics?

    I think you would do fine.
    ~

    What a maroon.

  298. Jennifer said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:54

    Re: concern and/or reality trolling – I think I’ll change my handle over at Flowbee’s joint to “Calm down, Mary”.

  299. Dan Someone said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:57

    So you see, it goes both ways.

    I think I’ll name my next band “Omnipresent Cameltoe.”

  300. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:57

    FYWP, Eater of Links!
    The only way I can take out my frustrations is by criticising Clif for writing “put a kabosh”, rather than kibosh or kybosh.

  301. Jennifer said,

    December 4, 2008 at 4:58

    I think I’ll name my next band “Omnipresent Cameltoe.”

    “Omniscient Cameltoe” would be even better.

  302. Pere Ubu said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:02

    Aw CRIPES.

    I go over to the Barack thread and what’s happened? Everyone’s gone home for the night.

    PFAUGH.

  303. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:12

    One one two two
    Omnipresent camel-toe…
    Hang about, wasn’t that a Spinners track from 1979?

  304. Another kiwi said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:19

    I thought that Omnipresent Camel-Toe was a group of French Mime Rock artistes. They used to back up Serge Gainsborough until he noticed them standing around gesturing, scaring the punters.

  305. mikey said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:26

    I would promise my allegiance, nay, my very life, in the name of Omnipresent Camel-Toe!

    Let’s….

    Uh…

    Let’s TOE!!

    Yay

    mikey

  306. Djur said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:30

    “Commander Guy” has a really familiar style. I’m trying to place it. Ruppertesque rants interspersed with irrelevant snippets of his life written in a peculiarly juvenile voice. I’m thinking of the original Rugged in Montana, I think. One of the Sauls did it, too.

    Anyone recall?

  307. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:39

    Anyone recall?

    I’m sorry, this is outside my observational event horizon.

  308. Jesus said,

    December 4, 2008 at 5:44

    Jesus, look at the state of this thread.

    Meh. ‘Salright.

  309. tigrismus said,

    December 4, 2008 at 6:03

    Spending $30,000 on a piece of jewelry doesn’t represent the compassion or the hope and change that he espoused throughout the campaign.

    Nor does it represent Truth, Beauty, The Buttocks, the many hardships in the lives of lobstermen, the mystery of Edwin Drood, or any number of potentially representable things. Maybe the Whiz considers itself the go-to blog for the hermenuetics of president-elect jewelry purchases in potentia, but sometimes stuff doesn’t represent other stuff, sometimes it’s just stuff, you know?

    And I wanted to do a mustelid pun, but who’sable to keep up?

  310. tigrismus said,

    December 4, 2008 at 6:08

    p00p too, also.

  311. Jacksonspiw Oddities-Sack said,

    December 4, 2008 at 6:12

    And I wanted to do a mustelid pun, but who’sable to keep up?

    You lead and we can polecat together.

  312. J— said,

    December 4, 2008 at 6:27

    Anyone recall?

    I have a recollection of Bastion Booger/Saul/Chris St. James being hung up on civilization under threat, punctuated by veers into directly insulting commenters.

  313. Fozzetti said,

    December 4, 2008 at 7:16

    News Flash! Millionaire Buys Wife a Diamond Ring! huh?

    Rubys would suit Mrs. Obama better, I think.

  314. Mentis Fugit said,

    December 4, 2008 at 9:14

    Barack HUSSEIN Obama must treat his wife like dirt or he is a hypocrite.

    i can has wingnut welfare sincecure nao

  315. Ruthie said,

    December 4, 2008 at 9:28

    Ruthie: I think you know better than to ruin wingnut poutrage with facts.

    MzNicky:

    I can’t help it. I like to think of it as the PETA/Vegan/passive-aggressive’s PC substitute for blowing up frogs with firecrackers.

  316. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    December 4, 2008 at 13:26

    I don’t have enough semi-sentient time to check whether this has been flogged to death already, but what’s with that (burlap?) textural ‘shopping? Sure, that sorta thing can be useful to integrate a selection with the background layer, but it really sticks out here.

    –Or am I missing something obvious as usual?

  317. MzNicky said,

    December 4, 2008 at 16:54

    Damn! Looks like the ring-nut post got pushed off the page. Oh well.

  318. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 17:17

    OMG!!! Sting singing Dowland? Someone was mightily wasted when they thought up THAT shite.

    He plays this massive fucking lute, too.

    I was at the taping of Elvis Costello’s “Spectacle” with The Police and Sting comes out for his solo segment and he brings this lute…well, it’s not justice to call it huge.

    The balcony in the Apollo was needed to tune the fucker.

    They did a nice job with the tune, tho.

  319. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 17:19

    If you must know, the reason I got cut off is because I am also watching my five month old puppy Rikki, who insists on jumping on the couch with me as I type, jumping around, playing, and otherwise being very annoying.

    Well, maybe if you stopped sexing her…

  320. actor212 said,

    December 4, 2008 at 18:02

    Stop grizzlying

    I can bearly stand it.

  321. 59lespaulcopy said,

    December 4, 2008 at 19:21

    To sum up:
    A $30,000 rhodium-encrusted lute, once played by Randy Rhoads when he was with Ozzy in the fourteenth century, was, or perhaps wasn’t, purchased by the president-elect as a present for his wife, with the hope that it would end a hopelessly off-topic string of excrutiatingly bad puns, and lessen the incidence of puppy rape. Seems logical.

  322. 59lespaulcopy said,

    December 4, 2008 at 19:27

    Poor spelling is excruciating.

  323. Another Kiwi said,

    December 5, 2008 at 6:48

    hopelessly off-topic string of excruciatingly bad puns

    This is the only flaw in an otherwise brilliant analysis. The puns were not torture. We don’t do torture.

  324. fenris said,

    December 7, 2008 at 12:36

    Um.. I don’t mean to complain or anything – but why rewrite the WhizBang! handle on their blog?

    I mean, it sounds exactly like what they’re doing.

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