Truthy — “schooled Sowell-style”? Dear heart, “schooled” and “style” should never be used in the same sentence as “Sowell”, no matter how alluring the alliteration. (Also, being schooled in his style would require both a bribe and a lobotomy, and we’re still sans payoff, sans surgery.)

What? Failing companies don’t give their execs bonuses, they get retention payments!

If we only paid criminals a large bonus to stick around at the scene of their crimes and cooperate with the authorities, we could save a fortune on law enforcement salaries.

What pisses me off is when some numbnut runs a company into the ground, lays folks off, cuts wages, etc, and expects to get paid big bucks and then whines about “socialism” when somebody suggests that maybe, just maybe, a real free market wouldn’t reward them for making things worse!

What pisses me off is that his company’s stock is lurking in 3 of the 8 mutual fund choices I have for my company’s 401K and his company’s bonds are in 2 of the others. So I have the choice of either funding his shitty choices, funding the shitty choices of some other equally shitty CEOs or putting my retirement in the modern equivalent of a mayonnaise jar.

But don’t wonder why people don’t take you too seriously. That would be a bad thing for you to try to figure out.

But I bet you hear that a lot.

Or should I say, “Po’ Foo”? I speak Ebonics, you see.

After all, I’m a fucking liberal.

But here’s the thing: for you to expect anyone to have fully divested themselves of racism means you think there are superhuman people out there, which is in itself a racist thought.

Now, if you want to talk about context, I’d be happy to, but you have to pass a test first and that test is whether y’all can understand a joke or not when it’s in writing AND how that joke is being aimed.

Dude, you don’t suss me, so don’t even be pretendin’ to “analyze” me, bro! Y’all ain’ all dat ana bag o chips, shonuff?

You’re not particularly fluent in LOLCats, iz u?

I kin haz link?

It’s unfair how poorly CEOs are treated.

I can haz wingnut welfare now?

Hey, baby, come here often?

Mao and Brezhnev and Dubcek show up in Heaven, and St. Peter offers to grant each of them one wish.

“Let China be destroyed by earthquake and floods, until not one brick remains standing on another!” says Brezhnev.

“Let Russia be so completely obliterated that it doesn’t even remain as a memory in the minds of men!” says Mao.

“Well,” says Dubcek, “as long as you’re granting these gentlemen their wishes, I’d like a cup of coffee.”

Which is obscene considering that CEOs in other industrial nations make only double digits times what the workers make, and yet we must remain competitive against them!

In most developed countries, it is 40 times average worker income. Interesting that the CEO of Toyota only makes 40 times what his workers do, while the CEO of GM make 270 times as much. Makes you wonder just exactly what they are getting paid for.

See, the CEO of GM gets paid so much because he comes up with genius, risky ideas to stay competitive with Toyota. Like busting the unions, screwing the pensioners, cutting the average worker’s compensation by 20%.

That kind of innovation deserves a bonus.