Nov
26
26
Return Of The Giant Invisible Robot Hitlers*
Above: Jules Crittenden
Thank you, George W. Bush, for keeping America safe from terrorists carrying firearms can easily board planes at Logan Airport, thanks to [mumble mumble] cops.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
* Cf.
commie atheist said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:06
Ah, wilderness.
actor212 said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:09
Hey! Wasn’t there this whole meme about how Bush has kept us safe from terror attacks since, like, never?
javafascist said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:10
Will that worthless, no good “president” Obama do nothing to stop this madness!!!!! Is it too soon to talk impeachment?
MzNicky said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:13
I think it’s time we acknowledged the failed Obama presidency.
actor212 said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:13
Damn waste of money, creating this whole huge bureaucracy and for what? They, those people, can still get on a plane with a gun!
Damned Demoncrats and their Big Gubbmint and their President Obama bin Laffen!
The NRA said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:16
If we make pretending to be a cop and taking a gun while getting on a plane a crime, then only criminals will pretend to be a cop and take a gun on a plane.
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:17
Boston!
Mary Jo Kopchne!
Nuff said!
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:28
Of course, just sayin’, the guys last time didn’t even need guns.
So when can we expect Gozhpodin P. to show up and demand we give tribute to Bush’s pertectin’ us, regardless of what the linked article says?
Ripley said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:30
I’m haunted by his in depth analysis.
I’m not sure if it’s intentional, but he seems to be implying that racial profiling doesn’t actually provide a real level of security at airport screening kiosks, because not all terrorists are Muslimy brown.
If he’s so worried about al Quaeda learning of this lapse in airport security, why is he drawing attention to the article? Jules Crittenden hates America – and he’s too dumb to know it.
OneMan said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:30
Rusty, don’t forget Chappaquiddick!
OMG, there are idiots at DHS! Quick, everybody crap your pants in fear! It’s the only rational response!
JF Sebastian said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:30
I think we need to be more concerned about the impending danger of stripper cops:
Pilot: Welcome aboard Flight 845, Officer. May I point out where the Air Marshals are sitting and all of our major security flaws?
Fake Cop: No, Captain. [pulls out 1980s-era boombox; sleazy drum-heavy music begins to play] I just wanted to inform you that take-off this trip may be a little… bumpy.
Pilot: Is that a gun in your pocket?
etc.
Stephen said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:33
God dammit, I’ve been working my way up the Homeland Security ranks at the behest of my al-Qaeda masters all this time, and it turned out all I needed was to become an assistant harbormaster.
DrDick said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:34
I feel safer already.
And Jules Crittenden is too stupid to cross the street without help.
Interrobang said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:35
Oddly or not, this is why my right-wing ex-pilot dad doesn’t like the idea of sky marshalls with guns being on flights. It’s really simple — you want to hijack a plane, find the sky marshall, cosh him/her when s/he’s not looking, take the gun, and voila, you’ve managed to arm yourself without having to bother trying to get a gun through security.
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:35
Why “Robot” Hitlers, anyway?
Why not giant clones, like in that animated “Star Trek” episode?
actor212 said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:36
it turned out all I needed was to become an assistant harbormaster.
I guess he’s the guy who helps guide the large boats into the tight little slips in Boston harbor…it’s a job that’s kinda like a fluffer on a porn flick, only it doesn’t pay as much and you get zero tips.
N.C. said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:37
OFFICIAL REPUBLICAN HISTORICAL TIMELINE
as of January 21, 2009
1776: Christians found a Christian nation for Christians based on Christian Christianity
1776-1860: Founding Fathers do foundingly fatherish things
1861-1865: some unpleasantness mumble mumble (Southern version) and/or the greatest Republican president ever freed the slaves (“racism is dead” version)
1866-1929: bunch of dudes with mustaches
1930-1941: the worst US president in history destroys our economy with liberal fascism
1941-1945: the greatest generation in US history destroys fascists
1946-1963: “The Good Old Days”
1964: the worst US president in history passes the Civil Rights Act, makes middle-class white men into a persecuted minority
1965-1975: hippies repeatedly stab our troops in the back, forcing us to lose the Vietnam War
1976-1979: the worst US president in history subjects the proud American people to stagflation and dusky Iranian hostage-takers
1980-1988: Morning In America, bitches!!!!
1989-1992: Morning In America 2: Electric Boogaloo
1993-1999: the worst president in history subjects the proud American people to a blowjob
2000: Al Gore claims to have invented the internet
2001: the year everything changed
2002-2007: War on Terror is won continually, repeatedly, each win more winning than the previous win, despite backstabbing liberal fascist hippies stabbing the backs of our proud American soldiers
2008: worst US president in history is elected; all bad things that happened between 2000 and 2008 that weren’t Clinton’s fault are now his fault
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:37
…my right-wing ex-pilot dad…
Did he get fired for using only the one wing?
ba-dump *tish*
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:38
OneMan,
Chappaquiddick was totally inferred.
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:38
1866-1929: bunch of dudes with mustaches
You forgot 1917-1919: Reasons we should hate the Germans V1.0, as opposed to the 1939-1945 V2.0
DrDick said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:41
You forgot 1917-1919: Reasons we should hate the Germans V1.0, as opposed to the 1939-1945 V2.0
Which would make 1980-1988 and 2000-2008 when we discovered that we should act just like the Germans V2.0.
commie atheist said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:44
Speaking of Hitlers, here’s a Little one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5qNk7H9gF8
commie atheist said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:47
One Little Hitler deserves another (or two)…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsBgOxrnXR4
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:49
1980-1988: Morning In America, bitches!!!!
Another addition: Treasonous Democrat-controlled Congress keeps Beloved Leader from assisting valiant freedom-fighters of Nicaragua, which put the Giant Invisible Robot Soviet Bear only two days drive away from Brownsville, TX, but the valiant freedom-fighters in Afghanistan DO get funded and defeat GIRSB and then go on to… something or other, we forget exactly what but it must have been inspirational.
actor212 said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:50
I see your two Little Hitlers, and raise you Hitler and Three Little Pigs:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8068970415170305381
J. A. Baker said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:05
@ </strike>: You’re late!
commie atheist said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:05
Blitz Wolf!!!! Hahahahaaaaa!!!
I wonder if Wolfie’s parents were inspired by that cartoon.
Upgrayedd said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:13
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 18:35
Why “Robot” Hitlers, anyway?
Why not giant clones, like in that animated “Star Trek” episode
I prefer an invasion of HitlerSaurs, created in Muslin/Marxist laboratories with stem-cell technologies, led into battle by invisible married gay flag-burning Mexicans…
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:23
Crittenden’s previous post is entitled “Nudists at War with Swingers.” And he somehow makes it boring.
Gary Ruppert said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:26
The fact is, when liberals try to censor conservative voices, its just like Hitler.
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:27
“Nudists at War with Swingers.”
Didn’t Russ Meyer direct that?
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:30
> The fact is, when liberals try to censor conservative voices, its just like Hitler.
I contend that when right wing nutjobs buy every media outlet and replace truth-telling with endless republican lies 24×7, it’s just like a googleplex of Hitlers.
Thus republicans are only a (googleplex – 1) times as evil as liberals, which is slightly less than I originally thought.
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:31
You know, no terrorist attacks on the United States happened during Chester Alan Arthur’s Presidency. I don’t know why liberals are so unwilling to give him credit for keeping us safe.
WereBear said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:33
If he didn’t, he should have.
Erik W. said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:37
Dissent is the new black
(via some reaganite asshole i stumbled upon)
Ted the Slacker said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:41
Gary Ruppert said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:26
The fact is, when liberals try to censor conservative voices, its just like Hitler.
Yeah, that surgeon who wired Coulter’s mouth shut was like totally a Nazi.
sagra said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:41
I, for one, welcome our assistant harbormaster overlords.
Gary Ruppert said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:45
The fact is, this man was obviously a terrorist and I’ll betcha he was not white. He must have Islamist sympathies and used the PC fear of airline personell to get on a plane and give the game away to avoid offending him or a lawsuit. I’ll tell ya, Obama will not get a PC pass in the world for being black, nor will he get one at home. I weep for my country that is now inthe hands of terrorist lovers.
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:48
It’s PC to fear airline personnel?
It’s so hard to keep up. I’m still getting used to saying “differently abled.”
Righteous Bubba said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:50
You’ve gotta be flexible. If your principles gotta change, they gotta change.
sagra said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:54
Alas, they have stuck it to us liberals yet again. Woe.
attaboy said,
November 26, 2008 at 19:57
Didn’t Atta actually board the first plane in Portland, ME before coming to Logan?
So any terrorist-weapon-screening would have happened there first. They would have no reason to be screened in Logan.
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:04
The fact is, this man was obviously a terrorist and I’ll betcha he was not white.
Funny thing is, every goddamn time since 9/11 when something’s happened and the wingnuts cry “HE MUSS BE AN AY-RAB”?
“He” never is. Never.
Funny, that.
J— said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:05
The US Attorney’s Office claims Grant made these false claims on both legs of the trip, from Boston to San Diego and from San Diego to Boston.
Where’s the outrage over Lindbergh Field? Did you know the head of the Tijuana cartel can see the airport from his house?
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:16
Dissent is the highest form of patriotism – Anti-Obama style! Liberals thought this was a pretty clever slogan during the Bush years. Now let’s see how THEY like it!
Someone is failing to understand the distinction between “dissent” and “screeching red-eyed poo-flinging Rage Virus hatred”.
Snorghagen said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:22
That’s very true, but it will never be won quite enough for us to cease being totally paranoid. That’s important to remember, because total paranoia is our most effective defense against irrational fear.
And from Crittenden’s comments section:
Why, yes, now that you mention it there are indeed quite a few missing links hanging around at that site.
YADFH Rev 3.0 said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:24
Carrying guns on airplanes is a good thing.
When the IslamoCommieFacistTerrorerrorist reveal themselves then God Fearing® Ahmurkins can pull out thier own guns and mow ‘em down.
WOLVERINES!11ELEVENTYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ted the Slacker said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:24
From the Designer
Dissent is the highest form of patriotism – Anti-Obama style! Liberals thought this was a pretty clever slogan during the Bush years. Now let’s see how THEY like it!
So the wingnuts are getting ready to wrap themselves in the flag… Fuck people, how do we deal with this new threat?
Candy said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:28
Someone is failing to understand the distinction between “dissent” and “screeching red-eyed poo-flinging Rage Virus hatred”.
It’s easier and faster to list the things wingnuts do understand than it is to list the things they don’t understand. It takes, like, zero seconds.
My pre-New Year’s resolution is to try to find something kind to say about everybody*, so here goes: This Crittendon guy at least looks somewhat less doughy than the average pantload.
*In the spirit of the new “let’s find something to praise about GWB” trend that seems to be sweeping the punditsphere this season. Praising idiots is the new black.
Ripley said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:38
Assistant Harbormasters are the white Jews of Black Airport Security
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:39
the new “let’s find something to praise about GWB” trend
To be fair, he’s left large parts of the world un-invaded, and a number of Americans haven’t been killed by his idiot neglect.
So there’s that.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:44
Also: falling off a Segway gave us an important lesson in the limits of technology.
jim said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:50
So, does this mean the DHS is a great agency – or the greatest agency EVAR?
Yeah, I know that when bullets start to fly, the one place I TOTALLY want to be is 15,000 feet up in a pressurized cabin made of thin alloy. Good times.
Candy said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:50
So there’s that.
Yep. Credit where due and all that!
Rightwingsnarkle said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:53
Y’know, I think Jules really likes straddling that horse.
Dreamweasel said,
November 26, 2008 at 20:56
AHA!
So now we know who’s been posting all this time…
Snorghagen said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:06
“let’s find something to praise about GWB”
He wasn’t responsible for that really shitty sliced beef with snow peas I had last week. So far as I know, anyway.
He had nothing to do with the Hindenburg disaster, the San Francisco earthquake, or the fall of the Roman Empire. Or the Lincoln assassination. Or the Spanish Inquisition.
He’s done an absolutely magnificent job of discrediting the American right. Unintentional maybe, but still magnificent.
actor212 said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:10
To be fair, he’s left large parts of the world un-invaded, and a number of Americans haven’t been killed by his idiot neglect.
So there’s that.
I hate to say it, but The Truth is right about one thing: we liberals sure can lower the bar with the best of them.
kiki said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:11
“He” never is. Never.
Funny, that.
Perhaps wingnuts think that there’s only a finite number of times one can be wrong, and that each time they say something idiotic it increases the odds of the next thing they say being the smartest, truest thing ever. Little do they know that FAIL is infinite.
Or perhaps they know they’re wrong, and they’re just a bunch of lying c*nts.
Smut Clyde said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:12
I like to think that Air Marshals spend their time on a flight either striding up and down the aisle, or standing in the galley with the cabin-crew playing Go (to demonstrate that they are subtle, strategic thinkers).
This way I can call them “Go-Striders in the Sky”.
kiki said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:16
Someone is failing to understand the distinction between “dissent” and “screeching red-eyed poo-flinging race hatred”.
That’s how I saw it in the corner of my eye, but it’s also fized.
Candy said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:18
He’s done an absolutely magnificent job of discrediting the American right. Unintentional maybe, but still magnificent.
Yes. For that alone, I tender my heartfelt thanks.
J— said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:22
That’s no harbor master! That’s one of the Mamas and the Papas! Stop him before he starts singing “California Dreamin’” to the pilots!
OneMan said,
November 26, 2008 at 21:22
Hey, Bush never launched even one nukyoular weapon, even by mistake. He’s like, totally my hero for that.
Smut Clyde said,
November 26, 2008 at 22:10
The image of Crittenden on his hobby-horse would be improved if you gave him a cutlass to brandish in his free hand.
Pere Ubu said,
November 26, 2008 at 22:17
The image of Crittenden on his hobby-horse would be improved if you gave him a cutlass to brandish in his free hand.
I’m thinking a full Flash animation of the foregoing set to Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song”.
Unfortunately my mojo ain’t working in that department, or I’d provide such a creation myself.
Viking Kitties said,
November 26, 2008 at 22:23
We are not amused.
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 22:25
I’m thinking a full Flash animation of the foregoing set to Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song”.
http://users.wolfcrews.com/toys/vikings/
MzNicky said,
November 26, 2008 at 22:29
He had nothing to do with the Hindenburg disaster, the San Francisco earthquake, or the fall of the Roman Empire. Or the Lincoln assassination. Or the Spanish Inquisition.
As far as we know. A session with a past-life regressionist might reveal otherwise, and I for one would be unsurprised.
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 26, 2008 at 22:36
A session with a past-life regressionist might reveal otherwise, and I for one would be unsurprised.
I don’t know – Bush seems to me to have a “young soul.” Infantile, one might say.
The Goddamn Batman Has A Giant Invisible Robot Hitler In The Batcave, Right Next To The Giant Penny And Dinosaur said,
November 26, 2008 at 23:37
Robin and Alfred keep forgetting that it’s there and run smack-dab into it. Fun to watch.
Pere Ubu said,
November 27, 2008 at 0:50
http://users.wolfcrews.com/toys/vikings/
EX-ACTLY what I was thinking of, but with wingnuts instead of kittehs.
Duros Hussein 62 said,
November 27, 2008 at 0:52
Thanks, Julie. You mean this guy?
Al-Qaida is sad because McCain lost.
Remember, Al Qaida, in Arabic, means “The Base.”
RUGGED IN MONTANA said,
November 27, 2008 at 3:05
When the IslamoCommieFacistTerrorerrorist reveal themselves then God Fearing® Ahmurkins can pull out thier own guns and mow ‘em down.
DEMONcraps took away my G*d given rite to carry a fully erect M1A1 Battle Rifle™ onboard the aircraft of my choosing!! I need to get ABOVE the pelicans to surprise them with my mighty sniper skillzz.
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,
November 27, 2008 at 3:07
The fact is, this man was obviously a terrorist and I’ll betcha he was not white.
Why, he ain’t even old-timey!
And I have it on good authority, that that negro *sold his soul to the devil!*
actor212 said,
November 27, 2008 at 3:41
Remember, Al Qaida, in Arabic, means “The Base.”
All your Qaeda belong to us.
eyeball said,
November 27, 2008 at 6:10
Clearly this is all Clinton’s fault.
BTW, why is Sadly sending traffic to this braindead right-wing outlier?
justme said,
November 27, 2008 at 9:15
ftfy
Dhalgren said,
November 27, 2008 at 16:35
So this shit is discounting the two 757s that took-off from Newark?
And yes, the DHS is a giant bureaucracy full of dipshits. 1 in 10 non-military Federal employees work for DHS. If the Justice Department has 100,000 employees, then DHS has 300,000 employees surfing the net, sharing phone sex recordings, and otherwise doing NOTHING.
And that’s all Barry’s fault now. He now owns everything, according to MSNBC’s Chuck Todd.
tigrismus said,
November 27, 2008 at 19:34
The only possible worse threat would be giant robot hitler punks.
Depends on how well they fuck off.
Smut Clyde said,
November 27, 2008 at 20:40
DHS has 300,000 employees surfing the net, sharing phone sex recordings, and otherwise doing NOTHING.
If that’s not a bug, then gosh, what else could it be?