Nov
25

Young, Dumb, Hung And Full Of ____*




Posted at 16:32 by Tintin
breitbart_and_fitch
ABOVE: One of these three things doesn’t belong

Andrew Breitbart, LA’s most dapper wingnut, has some advice for the GOP if it wants to win any future elections. Enlist hunky models from Abercrombie & Fitch as the new GOP candidates and run them against the ugly, baby boomer Democrats. Seriously. And, best I can tell, Breitbart isn’t attempting parody. He’s as serious as Jonah “the Whale” Goldberg at the sundae station of an all-you-can-eat early-bird buffet.

[H]ere’s an unorthodox fast-track plan for a full-scale GOP recovery in 2010. The future of the Grand Old Party needs to be dangerously youthful, devastatingly attractive and outrageously fun.

Like these young Republicans.

With the economy in the pits, the young, the restless and unapologetically handsome should use their looks, vigor and Internet knowledge to wrest away elective office from joyless bureaucrats who gallingly repackaged the soiled utopian promises of their overly replayed Woodstock days as “hope” and “change.”

Woohoo! Zac Efron can be like the next Secretary of Treasury. My 401(k) got hard and throbby just at the thought.

So let’s stop first at Abercrombie and Fitch. See those shirtless models in the storefront tossing footballs in the air? There’s a better use of their time and efforts. Tanned, coiffed and seriously cut, these young studs could be tossing free-trade legislation across the halls of the Cannon House Office Building faster than you can Twitter “The Bella Twins.” Just tell these $15-an-hour beefcakes there’s a Democrat standing between them and a $169,300 job.

Um, Andy, if you’re going to salivate over A&F models and fantasize about being the slice of ham in their free-market sandwich, then you probably ought to know that the guys who pose for the photos are getting a lot more than $15 per hour. And that they’re going to charge more than that to play toss-the-legislation and hide-the-sausage with you.

Sure, a lot of our newly elected officials may not be completely up to speed on the issues, but once elected, they’ll have close to three months to cram. That’s almost a full semester – enough time to get the gist of the Constitution. Leave the details for the staffers.

Look at how well that worked for Caribou Barbie.

Under my plan, the party will grow as the parties grow. Weekly keggers and Guitar Hero and karaoke fundraisers can make a mockery of the self-serious poetry slam-faced Obama youth movement. …

We’ll even throw in some Republican punk rockers and conservative performance artists while we’re at it. They do exist.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather convert to Mormonism than attend a Republican punk rock concert or watch a conservative performance artist perform. And what would a conservative performance artist do exactly? Smear her chastely-clothed body in crude oil while chanting “Drill, Baby, Drill”?

If we’re going to make the Republican Party a big tent again, why not make it large enough to hold a rave?

That’s actually the best part of Breitbart’s column. He apparently still thinks that raves are cool, which is really kind of creepy. It’s sort of like your grandmother buying you a cocaine spoon necklace for your birthday and then saying, with a sly wink and a smile, “And you thought your granny was such an old stick in the mud.”


*Insert rhyming word in blank. Alternate porno spelling preferred.

120 Comments »

  1. another jim said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:39

    * (humdrum s)cum?

  2. D.N. Nation said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:41

    So in complete lieu of any policy talk, we get this:

    Sure, a lot of our newly elected officials may not be completely up to speed on the issues, but once elected, they’ll have close to three months to cram. That’s almost a full semester – enough time to get the gist of the Constitution. Leave the details for the staffers.

    You tried that. It really, really, really, really didn’t work.

  3. another jim said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:45

    Perhaps it could work well if the entire GOP went off to cram somewhere.

  4. another jim said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:46

    If that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

  5. Smiling Mortician said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:49

    Breitbart’s special. He thinks he’s doing a double-reverse half-flip with a twist by presenting a fauxsincere genuinesnarky realnot proposal, but ah! those tanned, coiffed and seriously cut young studs just will not stay out of his mind’s yearning eye.

    The commenters who can’t quite determine his level of seriousness are sort of fun.

  6. Chris said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:57

    Actually, a cocaine spoon necklace from my grandmother would be awesome.

  7. sagra said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:57

    Leave the details for the staffers lobbyists.

    Fized.

  8. Chris said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:58

    Oh, and the word to insert? “dum”. Duh.

  9. Chris said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:58

    Oops. forgot about that first ‘dumb’.

  10. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 16:59

    The future of the Grand Old Party needs to be dangerously youthful, devastatingly attractive and outrageously fun.

    So Republicans need to be Kelly Bundy?

    Well, at least they have the “stupid” bit working already…

  11. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:02

    Andrew Breitbart….”trance”…I do not think that word means what you think it means.

  12. Ted the Slacker said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:02

    The future of the Grand Old Party needs to be dangerously youthful, devastatingly attractive and outrageously fun.

    Just like K-Lo, yeah, yeah?

  13. Jas said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:05

    To preserve my fragile mind, I’m going to go with “Fail” as the word to fill in the blank. Yes, the rhyme is a little off, but it’s worth it in the long run.

    And what is with equating Obama with Woodstock? They do know how unlikely it was that he was, you know, there, being seven or eight at the time…

  14. sagra said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:08

    Breitbart has hit on one of the major problems with today’s GOP: Not. Enough. Gay.

  15. Andrew Sullivan's Cracked Mirror said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:20

    Wait, we’re going back to promoting self-loathing closeted homosexual neocons? What is this, 1991 or something? Let me get my poppers.

  16. slippy hussein toad said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:20

    Next we’ll see them designing Cylons to enact their plans, since actually talking about what they want to do with the governmental power they seem bent on sneaking off with is what gets them in trouble every time.

    What a maroon!

  17. opiejeanne said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:23

    I would love to think this was a parody.

  18. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:25

    I would love to think this was a parody.

    Sadly, no.

  19. ND said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:26

    I think that it would be impossible for a conservative to make performance art. The scene you described above, if I saw it at some sort of “rave” (hello 1997!), would suggest to me a liberal woman mocking conservative ideals. I think it is physically fucking impossible.

  20. Jsygrl said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:28

    priceless – nearly as funny as the current Conservative Women, in fur coats, calander that MM’s fanbase are wetting themselves over. (can’t seem to post link but you can access it thorugh her blog).

    Apparently this is proof that conservative women are hot.

    Hmmmm . . .

  21. The Kenosha Kid said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:35

    Slam-faced?

  22. npr said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:35

    “even more dumb”

    Cuz that guy is one dumb muthafucka.

    (Hey, I said “muthafucka.” Can I be a cool young Republican stud now?)

  23. forked tongue said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:36

    I think that it would be impossible for a conservative to make performance art

    Not so!

  24. ron said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:43

    why $169,300? why not $170,000?

  25. histrogeek said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:44

    With the economy in the pits, the young, the restless and unapologetically handsome should use their looks, vigor and Internet knowledge to wrest away elective office from joyless bureaucrats who gallingly repackaged the soiled utopian promises of their overly replayed Woodstock days as “hope” and “change.”

    Yeah, cause it’s really Democrats who can’t get over the 60s. I remember last campaign how Obama couldn’t shut up about Vietnam. And jeez what was Biden’s deal talking about the Weather Underground all the time?

  26. JenJen said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:50

    I’ll play!

    “Young, dumb, there’s a dick in my bum!”

    Because I’m pretty sure we all know what Breitbart was thinking about when he typed this slobbering drivel.

  27. Ripley said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:52

    Basically, they’re going to run on the Hot Chicks With Douche Bags platform, then?

    That’s gold, Jerry!

  28. Dreamweasel said,

    November 25, 2008 at 17:53

    In Conservativeland, any restriction on free-market capitalism for the greater public good = SixtiespeacelovehippiesdrugsfaroutMAAAAAAAAAAN

  29. uberuber said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:04

    “If we’re going to make the Republican Party a big tent again, why not make it large enough to hold a rave?”

    Erm, I’m assuming Andy would be volunteering his “big tent” for the new Republican Rave Party?

  30. WereBear said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:05

    Ah, it wasn’t the financial meltdown, the torture, or the river of blood in Iraq.

    It was that the GOP candidates just weren’t hot enough.

    Sarah Palin can’t carry that burden alone, ya know.

    And apparently, she doesn’t work for this guy, hmmm.

  31. OneMan said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:14

    “With the economy in the pits, the young, the restless and unapologetically handsome should use their looks, vigor and Internet knowledge to wrest away elective office…”

    That’s right, because as we’ve seen in the recent election substance has no hope when style and hotness come into play. All those brainless twentysomethings will just follow the A&F bellwethers (look it up) like the lemmings they are.

    I hope the world these boneheads occupy is pleasant for them. It surely isn’t for the rest of us.

  32. g said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:18

    Just tell these $15-an-hour beefcakes there’s a Democrat standing between them and a $169,300 job.

    Does he have any idea what models make? Just asking.

  33. Dreamweasel said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:22

    Just tell these $15-an-hour beefcakes doughy welfare wingnuts there’s a Democrat standing between them and a $169,300 job giant bag o’ Funyuns.

    Fixed.

  34. MajorKong said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:23

    Am I the only one to detect the barely suppressed homo-eroticism in his description of
    “Tanned, coiffed and seriously cut, these young studs”?

  35. Simba B said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:23

    Just tell these $15-an-hour beefcakes there’s a Democrat standing between them and a $169,300 job.

    Bwhahahahaha. What I wouldn’t do to make $15 an hour.

  36. Simba B said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:23

    Am I the only one to detect the barely suppressed homo-eroticism

    Not suppressed, really. I’m pretty sure he’s openly gay.

  37. Shorter Breitbart said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:26

    Young, dumb, and gay is the way to electoral suckcess!

  38. LD said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:31

    “tossing free-trade legislation across the halls of the Cannon House Office Building”

    Would that be Jeff Cannon House Office Building?

    Overall, considering the general tone of the post, that sentence is just poorly constructed.

  39. Quoth The Goddamn Batman: "Good Lord!" *Choke* said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:32

    So I GISed for Breitbart, just to see if that picture was representative, and I found this pic of a very young Leif Garrett in red manties[NSFW]. I’m not sure why Google pulled it up–the page it was on won’t load–but I have to say that I find the association disturbing in light of this post.

  40. MajorKong said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:38

    Not suppressed, really. I’m pretty sure he’s openly gay.

    Another member of Chickens For Colonel Sanders?

  41. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:38

    I wonder how thick Breitbart’s beer goggles are?

  42. Chris Moorehead said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:46

    I think that it would be impossible for a conservative to make performance art. The scene you described above, if I saw it at some sort of “rave” (hello 1997!), would suggest to me a liberal woman mocking conservative ideals. I think it is physically fucking impossible.

    I think I once saw Karen Finley doing something like this, minus the clothes, of course. And we know how much Jesse Helms loved her. I was hoping that she might show up at his funeral, along with Andres Serrano and Dread Scott…

  43. noen said,

    November 25, 2008 at 18:55

    “Imagine overtly attractive candidates marching door-to-door asking for your vote. You’d invite them in to deliver their pitch, right?”

    Just as long as you get to be catcher right?

  44. Johnny Pez said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:00

    Young, Dumb, Hung And Full Of ____*

    Jas is right. “Fail” is the logical word to go here, and to hell with maintaining the rhyme scheme.

  45. jim said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:02

    Nothing like a nose-diving economy to perk up the collective IQ of the electorate – so yeah, Breitbart’s idea of fielding beefcake runway-jockeys with zero experience in politics to mesmerize voters with their dimples, six-pack abs & overabundant man-points?

    BRILLIANT!

    Such inspired genius is surpassed only by the potential spectacle of “Republican punk-rockers & performance-artists” wowing the kiddies on the campaign-trail … coming soon to a hockey-rink near you: Betty BBQ & The Trickle-Downs with their new hit single, “Helicopter Hippie-Hunt” … yowza!

    Get this guy a job on the GOP selection-committee for their next primaries ASAP – he’ll fit right in … oh yeah, & I believe “mung” fits in that blank space nicely … as does “dung.”

  46. Sophist FCD said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:16

    See those shirtless models in the storefront tossing footballs in the air? There’s a better use of their time and efforts. Tanned, coiffed and seriously cut, these young studs could be tossing free-trade legislation across the halls of the Cannon House Office Building faster than you can Twitter “The Bella Twins.” Just tell these $15-an-hour beefcakes there’s a Democrat standing between them and a $169,300 job.

    Sounds like Andy’s pitching his own “Big Tent”, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more…

  47. Brian X said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:20

    Silly question — where the hell is he going to find these young hardbody Republicans? I don’t think there are too many College Republicans who aren’t epic douchebags that no one takes seriously. (No, really. You think the national GOP thinks the CRs are anything but useful idiots?)

  48. vastleft bugfucker said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:32

    Quick Answer – National Log Cabin convention

    That’s some funny shit, Clif.

  49. Dreamweasel said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:45

    “Vastleft Bugfucker” is the best pseud I’ve seen here in a long, long time.

  50. WereBear said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:47

    If they are going to recruit hardbodies, don’t waste them in Congress, I say.

  51. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:50

    Isn’t this more or less the plan Nixon’s people had for winning the youth vote?

    Only way more gay?

  52. Ginger Yellow said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:01

    “It’s sort of like your grandmother buying you a cocaine spoon necklace for your birthday and then saying, with a sly wink and a smile, “And you thought your granny was such an old stick in the mud.””

    My mum bought me an absinthe spoon for my birthday. Does that count?

  53. D.N. Nation said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:01

    Right. I think you liberals prefer experienced people – you know, like the Clintonites and actual Clintons that Obama is appointing.

    Oh noes! People from a successful administration in the White House! Why have you done this to us, Obama? Why?

    Obama’s slogan was “Change we can believe in.”

    Change doesn’t necessarily mean bringing in an entire slate of outsider buddies, as Palin would have done with her 3rd grade friends. Any analysis of Obama’s career- as in one that doesn’t begin and end with nonsense about Marxism or anti-Americanism- shows that he’s willing to work within the system in order to change it. Like a good politician should.

    How funny is that now, liberals?

    THIS is your talking point? That the same guy you decried as a radical turned out not to be, so, um, ha ha? You win infinity times?

    You have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I actually pity you. There was a time when you got under our skin. Now you’re just sad.

  54. Mooser said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:09

    Don’t be stupid!
    Be a schmarty!
    Come and join,
    The Nazi Party!

  55. Realist said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:14

    faster than you can Twitter “The Bella Twins.”

    Why am I not surprised to discover Andy’s a pro wrestling fan?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bella_twins

  56. Francisco The Man said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:16

    Ahem. “Spunk.”

  57. Dreamweasel said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:27

    How funny is that now, liberals?

    Almost as funny as “On November 4th, John McCain will win in a landslide, and I will enjoy every minute of it.”

  58. Reality has a well known liberal bias. said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:33

    How funny is it? allow me to quote our old friend Saul:

    The bottom line is, John McCain is going to win the November election by a landslide. He is a Moderate Conservative Patriot who is smart, capable and with alot of needed experience in the military and politics. I predict (you mark my words on this one) that in addition to the 31 States that Bush won in 2004, McCain is also going to win New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Michigan. New Hampshire is a Independent Libertarian State where John McCain is very popular I predict he will win New Hampshire with 52% of the vote. Pennsylvania with the exceptions of the Pittsburg and Philidalphea metropolitan areas is a Socially Conservative Rural State. It also has an idependent streak and a reputation as a Swing State. Because Pennsylvania is a Socially Conservative Swing State and because McCain is very popular amongst Independent voters I predict McCain will carry Pennsylvania with 51% of the vote. The States of Wisconsin, Minnesota and Michigan have become much more Conservative and Republican over the years and are now decisive Swing States. I predict that McCain will carry Wisconsin with 52%, Minnesota with 51%, and Michigan with 51%. So all in all you mark my words, I predict a 36 State landslide victory for McCain in November.

    Word markeds.

    I never get tired of this joke.

  59. roseyv said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:33

    As much as I would dearly love to, I cannot believe that this was intended seriously.

    I mean, it’s almost as dumb as “satire” as it would be if it were meant in earnest, but still. It’s a joke, it has to be.

  60. Erik W said,

    November 25, 2008 at 20:39

    I think that it would be impossible for a conservative to make performance art

    Not necessarily. Not for British toriesanyway.

  61. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:01

    The Truth said,

    November 25, 2008 at 19:46

    Right. I think you liberals prefer experienced people – you know, like the Clintonites and actual Clintons that Obama is appointing.

    Obama’s slogan was “Change we can believe in.” How funny is that now, liberals?

    My goodness, Troofie. Clinton left office nearly ten years ago…did you miss sucking his cock?

  62. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:02

    where the hell is he going to find these young hardbody Republicans?

    That’s easy.

    Ahnuld’s closet!

  63. Smut Clyde said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:15

    the current Conservative Women, in fur coats, colander
    I hope I have fized the spelling correctly.

  64. MzNicky said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:25

    Smut Clyde: If I recall correctly, the quality of mercy is not strained.

  65. sagra said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:33

    Silly question — where the hell is he going to find these young hardbody Republicans? I don’t think there are too many College Republicans who aren’t epic douchebags that no one takes seriously. (No, really. You think the national GOP thinks the CRs are anything but useful idiots?)

    If they hadn’t already pissed off every science-oriented mind in the country, they could get some chem majors to whip up some special mutant polico-’roids for them. Maybe.

  66. MaryRC said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:36

    That the same guy you decried as a radical turned out not to be, so, um, ha ha?

    Didn’t you know? It’s their new meme.

    After claiming for the past year that Obama is a Marxist leftist socialist Communist Muslim terrorist pinko radical, now that he’s proving to be none of these things their response is ha-ha he fooled all you Marxist leftist socialist Communist Muslim terrorist pinko radicals who voted for him.

    Be a mensch and leave them alone. They’ve gotta have something.

  67. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:39

    The Truth said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:25

    I know you are upset, liberals. I know you didn’t think electing Obama would result in all these Clintonites coming back in.

    Liar.

    Many of us supported Hillary in the primaries. Many liberals knew that Obama was a centrist from the get-go.

    See, we, unlike your pathetically underendowed corpse, don’t march in zombie lockstep with the rest of the chattering morons who infest your thought processes.

  68. Smut Clyde said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:51

    I see what you do there, crass blouses MzNicky.

  69. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 21:54

    Smut Clyde: If I recall correctly, the quality of mercy is not strained.

    I’m guessing your two posts mesh.

  70. Anne Laurie said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:07

    And what would a conservative performance artist do exactly?

    Watch a major American city drown while he stands around strumming a guitar & eating cake. Strut around in a codpiece-padded flight suit to proclaim the end of a war he started against a country that wasn’t responsible for the terrorist attack he was too lazy to attempt forestalling. Let his cronies loot the national treasury. You know, all the wacky crap the C-Plus Augustus has pulled over the last eight years!

    It’s pretty awful stuff even by ‘performance artist’ standards, but Repubs go to war against America with the feebleminded fuckups they have, not the cutting-edge satirists they wish they had…

  71. Gus said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:13

    Wow, talk about some desultory, perfunctory trolling. I’ve been busy lately, so I haven’t been perusing comments. The Troof is just phoning it in. Has the Troof’s trolling been this lame since the election? Oh, and I’m pretty sure the den Beste thing is tongue in, er, cheek. Seriously it has to be.

  72. PaminBB said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:18

    Annie Laurie has got it. Also, I think “Joe” the “Plumber” was pure performance art.

  73. Fozzetti said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:23

    why is He so sure male models are all stupid? Some of them have college degrees, even, gasp! MBA’s! There may be a PhD in there somewhere, along with a plethora.

  74. D.N. Nation said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:24

    I know you are upset, liberals.

    I’m not upset. Obama won the election. Say, tell me, who did you predict would win the election? I seem to remember it not being Obama, though I could be mistaken.

    I know you didn’t think electing Obama would result in all these Clintonites coming back in.

    Can’t say I minded the Clinton years.

    Way to not address my point, by the way. Obama works through the system. Always has, probably always will. I’ve never denied this. YOU are the guy who thought he was bringing bombthrowers and radicals to the White House. So it’s actually YOU bringing the fail here. So thanks for pointing out your own wrongness.

    I know you expected Gitmo to close, for taxes to go up on the “rich” (anyone making more than your academic salary), for the troops to be brought out of Iraq.

    I’ve seen no evidence that Obama will fail to attempt any of these things during his administration.

    Now that it is shaping up that none of these things will happen, do you feel like you were fooled? It is OK to admit it.

    Again, it was this guy named The Truth who framed Obama as a radical MarxiMexiMusliSociLiberal. Not us. Quick, take a quick perusal through the Sadly, No! archives. The point was always that Obama wasn’t as radical as wingnuts like YOU painted him as, and that he’d probably end up governing from the center. Which, um, YOU’RE POINTING OUT HE’S DOING.

    So thanks for proving our point, smart guy! There has to be an additional term for this level of self-ownage. We’re left with a Shorter Truth that goes like this:

    I was wrong about Obama, so HA HA liberals! I was right!

    I mean, guh? Wha? Whoosawhatzit?

  75. D.N. Nation said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:28

    The Troof is just phoning it in. Has the Troof’s trolling been this lame since the election?

    Yes. Truth trolled the election night thread for a while, promising a big surprise at the end. When it was clear that the surprise would have nothing to do with someone other than Obama actually winning the election, Truth whipped out this grand argument: LOL, Obama’s like Carter!

    Obviously that didn’t fly, so Truth came back with some additional lame nuggets- homina homina Jena 6 homina homina, some stuff about Ted Kennedy, how the GOP is set to return in 2010, that we don’t respect Bush (!!!) enough, and that Sadly, No! isn’t funny anymore. None of these worked, either, so he left…didn’t even work in his mandatory Confederate Yankee thread appearances. I have no idea why he’s back now.

  76. Doctorb said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:33

    How does he know those models are “seriously cut”? They always have pants on, or at least underwear. Is he just taking their word for it, or does he know more than he’s letting on?

  77. Mentis Fugit said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:34

    “Dung”

    Rhymes with two out of three, and accurately describes what you have to be full of to speak for the GOP these days.

  78. Dreamweasel said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:36

    NEWS FLASH:

    Concern troll is concerned.

  79. Arthur Name said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:44

    What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

  80. Smut Clyde said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:52

    Some [male models] have college degrees, even, gasp! MBA’s!
    I tried to interpret Matthew Barney’s “Drawing Restraint 9″ as an attempt to promote a Republican agenda, but my imagination failed.

  81. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:59

    The bit I don’t get..

    “Republican punk rockers”? What planet does this guy live on? Punks love their political grandstanding, and they are pretty damned solidly anti-authoritarian. I’ve seen punk anarchists, liberals, socialists, even straight up oldschool marxists, but not a republican to be seen.

    It isnt impossible to find a punk that approves of GWB. But they will explain they just like the way he did more to smash capitalism and destroy the government than any activist.

  82. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:00

    http://www.instapunk.com/

  83. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:08

    Bubba: Seeing a lot of republican at that link, but not a lot of punk. The URL seems to be misleading.

  84. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:09

    Bubba: Seeing a lot of republican at that link, but not a lot of punk.

    But check out the list of musicians!

    Musicians

    Roger Waters
    Bob Dylan
    Mick Jagger
    Rolling Stones
    Neil Young
    Bonnie Raitt
    Bruce Springsteen
    Linda Ronstadt
    Pavarotti

    Punk punk PUNK!

  85. Snorghagen said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:09

    karaoke fundraisers

    John Ashcroft is ready! He’s got a new punked-out version of Let the Eagles Soar that he can’t wait to try out on an audience.

  86. Chris Moorehead said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:24

    “Republican punk rockers”? What planet does this guy live on? Punks love their political grandstanding, and they are pretty damned solidly anti-authoritarian. I’ve seen punk anarchists, liberals, socialists, even straight up oldschool marxists, but not a republican to be seen.

    I presume he means Skrewdriver. Alas for the Republicans, Ian Stuart Donaldson died in 1993. Maybe he can find some musicians on the infamous BNP membership list…

  87. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:25

    Pavarotti’s not punk?

    *tossing out his album “Luciano Duets: The Rich Kids”*

  88. Upgrayedd said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:26

    Sockpuppet #47 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 22:59

    …“Republican punk rockers”? What planet does this guy live on? Punks love their political grandstanding, and they are pretty damned solidly anti-authoritarian. I’ve seen punk anarchists, liberals, socialists, even straight up oldschool marxists, but not a republican to be seen…

    Unfortunately, we have this.

    “Although Johnny Ramone was musically adventurous he was politically conservative. When the remaining Ramones -Joey had died are shown accepting their inauguration into the rock-and-roll hall of fame Johnny tells the audience that he wants to thank George W. Bush and America! Punk magazine reports that Cummings used to enjoy beating up hippies when he worked in construction.”

  89. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:29

    There are more Republican punks like Billy Zoom and one of the Circle Jerks guys and a Mr. T Experience guy, etc. Loud and aggressive music is a pretty good vehicle for fascism, and if Republicans weren’t such barbershop-quartet freaks they’d have taken advantage of that.

  90. Mentis Fugit said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:37

    Joey allegedly wrote “The KKK Took My Baby Away” after Johnny stole his girlfriend, and Johnny was not very happy with “Bonzo Goes To Bitburg”.

  91. actor212 said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:42

    RB,

    Well, I mean, if you’re going to define that as a potential precondition for punk, then you’d have to throw in an awful lot of skinhead bands.

  92. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:44

    Are there no more Nazi punks?

    If not, who shall we tell to fuck off?

  93. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 25, 2008 at 23:58

    Well, I mean, if you’re going to define that as a potential precondition for punk, then you’d have to throw in an awful lot of skinhead bands.

    Sure. Also metal. Did you see Decline of Western Civilization II when London were trying to burn a Soviet flag? Hey, the whole thing’s at Google video.

  94. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    November 26, 2008 at 0:00

    In my experience, the neo nazis go for heavy metal, not punk. I suppose there are some skinhead types that would probably pass for punk in the right light, but I’m not really sure where the musical divide is between skinhead noise and punk.

    But it is surprising how little right wing music and art there is at ALL. They co-opt more than they create. Only country music is badly infested with right wingers, and country is something so exclusively american, that it isn’t surprising that jingoism is one of its main themes.

    The closest you really get to right wing artists are the libertarian ones, who, like most libertarians, are just projecting their own anti-social nature onto society, and calling it politics. That sort of thing is more a result of emotional issues and mental problems than a considered political stance though.

  95. Warren said,

    November 26, 2008 at 0:09

    “And what would a conservative performance artist do exactly? Smear her chastely-clothed body in crude oil while chanting “Drill, Baby, Drill”?”

    Oh wow, I just _____ a little.

  96. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 26, 2008 at 0:09

    In my experience, the neo nazis go for heavy metal, not punk.

    That’s my general experience with nazis but I’ve run across more seriously fascist punk bands than I’ve seen seriously fascist metal bands.

  97. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    November 26, 2008 at 0:19

    Only country music is badly infested with right wingers…

    Modern country music is so phenomenally formulaic that it is not so much art as engineering (another field that is badly infested with right wingers).

  98. MzNicky said,

    November 26, 2008 at 0:56

    I have no idea why he’s back now.

    For the attention?

  99. g said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:00

    And what would a conservative performance artist do exactly?

    let’s not forget – give an interview while animals are being slaughtered in the background. Comedy gold!

  100. Hob said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:11

    The key to the whole thing is this:
    “See those shirtless models in the storefront…

    To me, this means Breitbart is confused in one of three ways:
    1. He thinks the mannequins in store windows are alive.
    2. He thinks the windows in the red-light district of Amsterdam, which do have attractive people standing in them, are clothing stores.
    3. He just doesn’t know how to spell “Stormfront”.

  101. Doctorb said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:18

    Wow, so Breitbart “challenged” anti-Prop 8 gays (just the gays, I guess) to protest a mosque. Because, you know, the Grand Muslim Headquarters in the Muslim-dominated state of Utah, which was founded by Muslims, spent $20 million dollars to buy mendacious TV ads promoting Prop 8.

    I love you, Doctor Zaius.

  102. Doctorb said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:39

    I imagine “Republican punk rockers” would perform Dead Kennedys songs like “Kill the Poor”, “California Über Alles”, “Terminal Preppie”, and “Police Truck”, but as earnest commentary, not satire.

    The sun beams down on a brand new day
    No more welfare tax to pay
    Unsightly slums gone up in flashing light
    Jobless millions whisked away
    At last we have more room to play
    All systems go to kill the poor tonight

    Gonna
    Kill kill kill kill kill the poor tonight!

    Woo!

    And while they’d use the anarchist “A” symbol, they’d be Austrian School anarcho-capitalists.

  103. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:40

    Wow, so Breitbart “challenged” anti-Prop 8 gays (just the gays, I guess) to protest a mosque. Because, you know, the Grand Muslim Headquarters in the Muslim-dominated state of Utah, which was founded by Muslims, spent $20 million dollars to buy mendacious TV ads promoting Prop 8.

    As PZ would say, “Fatwa envy!”

  104. Smut Clyde said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:44

    1. He thinks the mannequins in store windows are alive.
    Add Kraftwerk to the honour-roll of Republican musicians.

  105. Kramer said,

    November 26, 2008 at 2:07

    There’s a clothing store downtown. They got a mannequin in there that looks exactly like Elaine.

    It’s uncanny! It’s like they chopped off your arms and legs, dipped you in plastic, and screwed you back all together again, and stuck you on a pedestal. It’s really quite exquisite.

  106. Upgrayedd said,

    November 26, 2008 at 2:11

    g said,

    November 26, 2008 at 1:00

    And what would a conservative performance artist do exactly?

    let’s not forget – give an interview while animals are being slaughtered in the background. Comedy gold!

    When you put it that way, it seems worthy of Andy Kaufmann…

  107. D.N. Nation said,

    November 26, 2008 at 3:56

    Aww, whatsa matter, Troof? Did I scare you away?

    Pathetic tool.

  108. Another kiwi said,

    November 26, 2008 at 5:04

    Oh Shit!! Conservative performance art, mannequins!!
    The last eight years have been theatre.
    Who was to know?

  109. Visceral said,

    November 26, 2008 at 5:14

    The irony of the GOP embracing youth and sexuality, however superficially, is just completely lost on Breitbart, isn’t it?

  110. Mark Foley said,

    November 26, 2008 at 5:25

    What’s ironic about it?

  111. Doctorb said,

    November 26, 2008 at 6:23

    Oh good, now that The Truth has slunk off, The Fool arrives with his “omg punk is soooo stoopid, bitchezz” shtick. Coincidence?

  112. ckc (not kc) said,

    November 26, 2008 at 6:43

    if I had a rocket launcher

    this is

    a.) fortuitous
    b.) a sophisticated and subtle reference

    Discuss.

  113. r€nato said,

    November 26, 2008 at 9:29

    how, exactly, is the GOP supposed to go about making gay-bashing, bigotry and hippie-bashing sound dope to the young ‘uns?

  114. actor212 said,

    November 26, 2008 at 16:46

    In my experience, the neo nazis go for heavy metal, not punk.

    It also depends on what you what to define how, I suppose. Most of the metal I’ve heard from skinheads has been thrash metal which is, I dunno, at least an interbred cousin of punk. The spectrum is pretty smeary.

  115. chocolatepie said,

    November 26, 2008 at 17:25


    The key to the whole thing is this:
    “See those shirtless models in the storefront…”

    To me, this means Breitbart is confused in one of three ways:
    1. He thinks the mannequins in store windows are alive.

    Unfortunately, Abercrappy DOES employ hot duudz just to stand around the store shirtless. Improv Everywhere sent a bunch of regular duudz in there to do the same thing and they got kicked the fuck out. Pretty awesome.

  116. actor212 said,

    November 26, 2008 at 17:30

    Unfortunately, Abercrappy DOES employ hot duudz just to stand around the store shirtless.

    I witnessed this last Christmas at the local mall. I was at once disgusted and strangely attracted, and then I confronted the manager and asked “Why only the men?”

    After mall security let me go home…

  117. RvB said,

    November 26, 2008 at 17:49

    I’m thinking that Thomas Pynchon is writing brilliant social satire for the Washington Times, and that none of us are getting it. By the way, with all the newspaper layoffs, how does this gang still draw a paycheck?

  118. Teaflax said,

    November 26, 2008 at 18:28

    Oi was an entire right-wing Punk movement. And the Ramones were a rock n roll band, as I have been saying for years. There’s nothing Punk about them, except maybe the fact that their songs are short.

  119. fdc said,

    November 27, 2008 at 1:21

    if I had a rocket launcher…

    some son of bitch would pay…

  120. Nathan said,

    November 28, 2008 at 5:02

    Raves are still way cool, I am having one for new years. Except no glow sticks … or candy ravers … or dj’s … or techno … I guess I’m having an X fueled orgy but if it helps this disadvantaged blogger make a point then I am glad I could help … ohh, no disadvantaged bloggers are allow at the orgy.

    Happy thankstaking

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