25
Deer Grate Pumpkin,
mrpepper2 (posted 4 months ago)
why can’t we produce our own oil. And bring back good paying jobs and avoid the lead posioning that we are getting from China . And why do we hae to recue every country that cries out for help . We are in a jam and no one comes to help us . I have become disabled and can’t get any one in Washington D.C. to help me get a loan to save my home . But we can help everyone else . When do we stop and say ok we are going to help the average person . We have 175thousand acres that we have in this coutry that are signed for oil drilling . Come on wake up I need help can’t find a single sole in Washington to help because I don’t Qualify because we are so full of red tape we can’t get through it. sincerly
Richard Culpepper
Mahomet Illinois 61853
P.S. Is thier anyone out that cares about the People of this country.
The 14 people who were pardoned and 2 who had their sentences commuted by President Bush on Monday, as reported by The Associated Press:
Pardoned:
Leslie O. Collier, Charleston, Mo., pleaded guilty to unlawfully killing three bald eagles.
Milton K. Cordes, Rapid City, S.D., convicted of conspiracy to violate the Lacey Act, which prohibits importation into the country of wildlife taken in violation of conservation laws.
Richard M. Culpepper, Mahomet, Ill., convicted of making false statements to the federal government.
[...]
Alba Ching the Marmot said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:03
Aww. I think that’s kinda sweet really…
KC45s said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:18
Not to shit on Mr. Culpepper, because if what he’s saying is true about being disabled, that’s a tough thing; but Champaign-Urbana, located about ten miles from Mahomet, is just about as disabled-friendly a town as there is. Not just plenty of ramps and elevators, but plenty of activists (some of them quite, ahem, assertive). He might want to consider that making a local phone call to one of the groups in C-U would help him his situation more than, say, drilling for oil off the Florida coast.
agum said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:20
AP missed this one:
I, GEORGE W BUSH, President of the United States, pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon me by Article II, Section 2, of the Constitution, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto all Youtube commenters, whether anonymous, inane or insane, for all offenses against the United States and crimes against humanity.
d said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:24
spectacular…
bargal20 said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:26
Leslie O. Collier, Charleston, Mo., pleaded guilty to unlawfully killing three bald eagles and then fucking an apple pie, which he later fed to his mother.
Randy Owens said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:28
OK, Gavin: How did you make this connection? Or, if it be the case, how did the origin of this make it? I must know.
(Of course, the usual call-out reply: Get used to disappointment.)
Smut Clyde said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:33
I had no idea that Air Force courts-martial were such festive occasions.
Also, blah blah blah Mahomet blah blah mountains.
alec said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:37
Bush pardoning a Mahometan? Jeez, I wonder what Pam Oshry will say.
Gavin M. said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:49
No, see, now you won’t check back, and will never know that I replied at 2:46 AM!
It’s actually from SquareState.net, or more properly, via email from Aaron there.
The tragedy: I know that I will never find anything funnier than this no matter how hard or long I look.
TheInternets said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:51
Wow that was hot. Seriously, wow. The tubes they are a workin!
Pinko Punko said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:52
This really does shoot to the top of the charts. Maybe it ties that one skunk/cigar guy. I mean come on. Let’s not forget that episode.
Gavin M. said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:55
Oh man, that was singular. But no, then The Eds found the conFURvatives…
Pinko Punko said,
November 25, 2008 at 9:57
I would like to know about what this case was about:
• Andrew Foster Harley of Falls Church, VA. Harley was convicted of wrongful use and distribution of marijuana and cocaine.
Because, certainly there are likely billions of people in the same position as Mr. Harley. What makes him special?
Gavin M. said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:02
???
D Johnston said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:02
Surprising number of drug offenses on that list – five for possession, distribution or facilitation. You have the expected white-collar stuff there, but why the drugs?
Here’s another interesting one:
-Obie G. Helton, Rossville, Ga., unauthorized acquisition of food stamps.
I give it a year before the wingers start using this as proof that the government doesn’t work (having forgotten who pardoned the guy in the first place, of course).
owlbear1 said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:05
Do you think George went to Mahomet to see Dick?
Rick Astley said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:05
making fun of bush is stupid and boring.
bush knows you are making fun of him, and guess what:
he’s crying all the way to the bank.
Doctor Missus Marita said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:08
I’m curious about the existence of “wrongful” use and distribution of marijuana and cocaine. Is there also a righteous use and distribution of marijuana and cocaine? How do you know the difference?
agum said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:11
Dear Rick Astley,
I wandered around
The streets of this town
Trying to find sense of it all.
The rain on my face,
It covers the trace
Of all the tears I’d had to waste.
Why must we hide emotions?
Why must we never break down and cry?
Yours truly, George W. Bush
Leslie Collier said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:34
Hey, how the hell are you supposed to make Freedom Tacos without killing a few bald eagles?
noen said,
November 25, 2008 at 10:37
why can’t we produce our own oil?
Indeed, a question of the ages.
Inspiral Carpets said,
November 25, 2008 at 11:42
Commercial Reign.
No seriously, Richard M. Culpeper of Mahomet Mahomet is making my brain trip around like a baggy, housey, madchestery organy synth. Tripping.
Pinko Punko said,
November 25, 2008 at 11:57
The Minuteman crowd seems to be up in arms about some non-pardons:
http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=792667&page=2
cthulhu said,
November 25, 2008 at 12:36
Did Bush just pardon some random crank? What did the semi-illiterate Dick Culpepper do in the first place? Can one really be convicted of making false statements when the person is barely coherent in general? This makes my brain hurt.
M. Bouffant said,
November 25, 2008 at 13:21
Hah! Beat you to it & a a href=” http://mbouffant.blogspot.com/2008/11/scuse-us.html“>different angle on it as well.
M. Bouffant said,
November 25, 2008 at 13:22
Oh, whatfuckingever.
kiki said,
November 25, 2008 at 13:29
bush knows you are making fun of him, and guess what:
he’s crying all the way to the bank.
Yes, if we all stop making fun of Bush, all his money will simply evaporate.
In fact, if you want to make money by stealing other countries’ oil and profiteering from an illegal war, there’s a special form you have to fill out that says “Do people make fun of you on the internet?”. If you tick the ‘No’ box, they don’t give you your illegal war money.
making fun of bush is stupid and boring.
And hanging around on websites exclusively dedicated to doing something that you think is stupid and boring makes you a fucking genius, presumably.
Drummer Hoff said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:00
I use and endorse kiki’s arguments. Also.
Southern Beale said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:10
Astonishing!
How do you folks find these things?
I am in awe.
Ted the Slacker said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:11
I can only imagine your post when Gary Ruppert gets pardoned.
(Lex) Palianated (Azagthoth) said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:14
I’m in for a few Freedom Tacos, with a side of American Flag Sauce, please.
Gary, pardoned? Never.
WereBear said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:32
I don’t think there should be pardons for killing bald eagles. I mean, come on, this is a most recognizable bird!
If Bill Ayres had done it, we’d never hear the end of it.
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:36
Ronald A. Mohrhoff, Los Angeles, convicted for unlawful use of a telephone in a narcotics felony.
What exactly is this – filling the receiver with weed and using it as a bong or what?
MajorKong said,
November 25, 2008 at 14:58
I hear that Bald Eagle tastes just like Whooping Crane.
Honus said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:01
He didn’t shoot the bald eagles, he apparently poisoned them by mistake trying to kill coyotes. I still hate him just as much, but recognizable doesn’t come into it. And if one of Bill Clinton’s business partners from 35 years ago had accidentally poisoned some bald eagles…
Honus said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:03
I think Culpepper is right. We’d have more money to get him a loan if we hadn’t tried to “recue” Iraq when it cried out for help.
Medullah Ibrahim said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:03
The 14 people who were pardoned and 2 who had their sentences commuted by President Bush on Monday,
What is the reasoning behind these pardons? How are they selected?
I guess bank fraund and theft of goverment property is no big deal these days.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:05
Mr. Astley is just angry that he has not yet been pardoned.
Cynicor said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:09
You realize what our goal has to be now, right?
We have to figure out some way to get Bush to issue a pardon for Heywood Jablome.
Pere Ubu said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:32
Richard M. Culpepper, Mahomet, Ill., convicted of making false statements to the federal government.
Ah! I SEE!
He’s the one responsible for distracting Bush from the August 6th PDB, for misinforming the EPA about air quality at Ground Zero, for assembling the evidence of Iraq’s purchase of yellowcake from Niger, for certifying the levees in New Orleans as safe, and for setting monetary policy at the Fed.
He’s been behind EVERYTHING!!!11
(Seriously – when the federal govenrment itself is false, why is making false statements to it a crime? Compare this to Oliver North’s “testimony” in front of Congress, which lies Limbaugh defended by saying it was a patriotic thing to lie to a Democratic-controlled Congress.)
sac666 said,
November 25, 2008 at 15:35
“Wrongful use” is a term used in military charges. It means usually that they have no physical evidence against the person, just somebody’s (snitch, udercover narc, etc…) word. It is most likely the guy was either a cadet or a troop assigned to the academy.
David said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:09
“I have become disabled . . .”
probably shot himself in the foot
Legalize said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:13
Wow, Marc Rich. Someone get Christopher Hitchens away from the bar to tell us how Rich’s pardon was the single most worstest event in American history.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:16
Get his lawyer, Scooter Libby, too.
(Lex) Palianated (Azagthoth) said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:19
Does a Rick Roll count as a pardon?
Ed Marshall said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:19
So is this like Bush as God knowing even when the sparrow falls and finding the lowliest, stupidest, wingnut commenter to show grace upon?
uberuber said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:20
We were able to, with the delicious miracle olestra chips, but the demoncrats took them away, and with them, our ability to produce our own oil.
Damn liberals! (Hmm, did they ever make a Cheetos version, I wonder?)
sagra said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:28
Why does George W Bush hate America?
Really, this is a sham and a travesty of a mockery of a sham. Stephen Colbert would be outraged.
uberuber said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:31
that was supposed to read:
why can’t we produce our own oil?
blah blah blah.
Oh, comment box, why do you tease me so?
kenga said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:41
It’s like Ed Meese and pornography – can’t define it, but you know it when you see it.
J— said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:44
We have to figure out some way to get Bush to issue a pardon for Heywood Jablome.
Mr. or Ms. Jablome can fill out the form just like everyone else.
The Department of Justice has a big backlog of pending pardon and commutation applications. Ronald Rodgers, the current Pardon Attorney (real title), hasn’t been on the job long. The previous Pardon Attorney, Roger Adams, got moved when it was revealed he was an asshole.
J— said,
November 25, 2008 at 16:54
The “wrongful use” phrase comes from the Uniform Code of Military Justice, and the section in question refers generally to “controlled substances,” which includes stuff that’s illegal (like cocaine) and other stuff that is legal but subject to certain restrictions (like amphetamines).
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:05
Not just plenty of ramps and elevators, but plenty of activists
Community organizers?
MzNicky said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:10
In addition to its being not done correctly, this episode of wrongful use and distribution of marijuana and cocaine must have been an especially egregious offense, its having been done in a general court martial at the Air Force Academy and all.
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:13
Culpepper was fined $1,000 and ordered to pay $4500 in restitution according to this.
His Congresscritter, Tim Johnson (moderate Republican, which I guess makes him a socialist), probably asked Bush to do this.
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:14
Johnson was the only Republican to oppose the FISA “enhancements” earlier this year.
Bigby said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:33
Hahaha, Troof, ya great cunt (say it with a British accent and it ain’t so bad)…there you go again. While the Sadlynauts are simply making FUN of Bush’s trite, moronic pardon selections (which everyone already knows are absolutely his Constitutional Power to make), you asswipes wanted to IMPEACH CLINTON for his pardons. How retarded was that?
It sounds like you’re saying the Marc Rich pardon was particularly heinous. When Bush gets around to doing like his daddy done did and pardons someone particularly egregious, say on Christmas Eve, you’ll be back here screaming for his impeachment, right? Right?
At least Rich didn’t piss on the Constitution like Weinberger, et al. And I’m just certain you’ll be the first one on this site to condemn Obama for “violating the Constitution”, while you probably masturbated to Weinberger’s enabling of Nun rapers (if you were out of diapers in 1992).
ortho_bob said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:54
Obviously you need a silly name and a meaningless crime to get a presidental pardon, so I nominate:
Phlegm X. Snatchpuddy, Fla., convicted of leering at a mole.
Mudd P. Lileks, Mn., convicted of taking a short nap and blogging about it at length.
Lampiter L. Scrotemowgli, Ca., convicted of improper use of 2,000 gallons of chocolate syrup and a spoon at a naval base.
Glennard H. Indeedy, Okla., convicted of aggravated smirking, impersonating a muppet and attempted bonhomie at an alleged place of learning.
Meptune K. Pammicakkes, NY., convicted of inappropriate use of enhanced cleavage and depreciated HTML stylings during a religious holiday.
Dough E. Pantload., D.C., convicted of being Dough E. Pantload.
Simba B said,
November 25, 2008 at 17:59
Uh-oh. I suspect we’re going to see RB and his JanusNode script show up soon.
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 18:19
Troofie, you don’t REALLY want to go over past pardons (Casper Weinberger *koffkoff*) do you?
The Goddamn Batman Hates Schnapps Of All Varieties said,
November 25, 2008 at 19:03
Just you wait–day after Xmas, W will get serious about the pardons. He’ll issue pardons for shit that you’ve never heard of, shit that makes Abu Ghraib look like a Cub Scout picnic where some of the kids spiked the punch and little Jimmy Kadiddlehopper puked Everclear and Koolaid all over the den mother.
The next day, Dana Perino will hold her last press conference. Red eyes, smeared makeup, messed-up hair, clothes slept in and runs in her nylons, holding a mostly-empty bottle of peppermint schnapps as if it’s her only friend, which it is. After glaring at the White House press corps for two minutes, she says, “Y’know what? Fuck all y’all. I don’t have to explain shit to you motherfuckers. Y’all can lick my poo-hole. ” She starts to sob and unscrews the cap on the bottle. “G-goddamnit… I had dreams once…” The press corps moves toward the podium, some to put an arm around her shoulders, some to take a hit off the bottle.
A rather perfunctory orgy follows.
s9 said,
November 25, 2008 at 19:07
“I’m curious about the existence of “wrongful” use and distribution of marijuana and cocaine.”
It’s the Air Force. They always pass to the right.
Steambadger said,
November 25, 2008 at 19:09
Well, yeah…
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 19:29
A rather perfunctory orgy follows.
I’d pay to see that, but only if Helen Thomas gets to munch on Dana’s furburger.
it would be fair compense for the shitty treatment she’s gotten.
jim said,
November 25, 2008 at 19:31
“Too damn funny.”
Pardon me?
I have two words for Herr Trout:
Scooter Libby.
*You must be THIS tall to ride on the Lollercoaster.*
Brian X said,
November 25, 2008 at 20:10
Batman:
How does an orgy manage to be “perfunctory”?
Also, I wonder if that was what Scott McLellan meant to do when he left. I still remember seeing him on Leno shortly after quitting; his body language screamed “you’re not going to hear me defending this turkey…”
shortstop said,
November 25, 2008 at 20:45
Surprising number of drug offenses on that list – five for possession, distribution or facilitation. You have the expected white-collar stuff there, but why the drugs?
The ‘rents of said stoners/Are huge-ass Bush donors
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 21:04
The Truth said,
November 25, 2008 at 19:38
Canadian Jim,
Tu quoque.
And thus we see Troofie come up short in his attempt to outthink true American patriots.
It’s too bad the rest of that equation hasn’t sunk in yet…
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 21:05
How does an orgy manage to be “perfunctory”?
I dunno. I’ve seen a few that came awful close to ennui.
Smut Clyde said,
November 25, 2008 at 21:06
There was a time when Pilate’s annual pardoning of Barabbas at the spring festival actually meant something, but then it turned into a meaningless ritual.
actor212 said,
November 25, 2008 at 21:42
Pilate’s annual pardoning of Barabbas
Did he get a doctor’s excuse from the class?
Doctorb said,
November 26, 2008 at 1:59
Interestingly, tu quoque is not always a logical fallacy. Rather than saying:
Troofy criticizes Clinton’s pardon of Marc Rich.
Troofy supports GHW Bush’s pardon of Caspar Weinberger.
Therefore, Marc Rich didn’t evade taxes,
which is plainly illogical, you can argue:
Troofy criticizes Clinton’s pardon of Marc Rich.
Troofy supports GHW Bush’s pardon of Caspar Weinberger.
Therefore, Troofy is not so much interested in justice / rule-of-law / accountability as in OMG TEH BAD BAD CLENIS.
Also, since he’s the guy who brought up Marc Rich in a discussion of Bush’s pardons, it’s funny for him to bring up tu quoque. It’s like the 2008 version of whining that someone is attacking you with ad hominum (sic) arguments and is therefore stupid and wrong and a jerk.
word hussein yeti said,
November 26, 2008 at 3:15
Ortho_bob:
Phlegm X. Snatchpuddy, Fla., convicted of leering at a mole.
Mudd P. Lileks, Mn., convicted of taking a short nap and blogging about it at length.
Lampiter L. Scrotemowgli, Ca., convicted of improper use of 2,000 gallons of chocolate syrup and a spoon at a naval base.
We have a winner of this thread, even if it does draw on the SNL lampooning of Zell Miller: http://is.gd/8Hsc
J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock said,
November 26, 2008 at 6:13
You don’t see me running to Bush to be pardoned for the unfortunate orangutan episode, do you?
Colonel Richard Hindrance (Mrs) said,
November 26, 2008 at 16:37
Greetings from London. I’m a long-time listener, first time caller.
Just wanted to say: “Lampiter L. Scrotemowgli, Ca.”
!!!!
That is genius. I’ve been sniggering (or as you put it over here, ‘snickering’) at my desk for the past five minutes.
Scrotemowgli! Joy!
Sonnenblume said,
December 1, 2008 at 20:10
I love this site and happened upon a thread about Andrew Harley, who was recently pardoned by President Bush. He was pardoned because the punishment was quite excessive for the crime.
He and a friend at the academy split the purchase of a small amount of drugs for personal use (it was less than a gram of cocaine). Because the drugs were “distributed” between the two of them, he and his friend were charged under federal distribution laws.
Another Kiwi said,
December 4, 2008 at 7:00
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Another Kiwi said,
December 4, 2008 at 7:01
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