Nov
21
21
Shorter Daniel Henninger
Mad Max and the Meltdown: How we went from Christmas to crisis
- I am the only man in America who is brave enough to reveal the ironclad link between our current financial crisis and the Left’s 50-year War on Christmas.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Via.
I’ve read so much gobshite retarded wingnuttery over the past… God, how many years has it been? Anyway, the point is that I’ve read so many stupid arguments in my lifetime that it takes a lot to surprise me. Henninger’s attempt to link the financial crisis to the War on Christmas actually did surprise me and I hope to God that Bill O’Reilly and Michelle Malkin start talking about it soon.
Gary Ruppert said,
November 21, 2008 at 0:50
The fact is, is IS all the left’s fault, they want to destroy our society. With Obama’s ill-gotten victory over the will of the people, they may get it. But not if here in the Heartland we can help it.
Grand Moff Texan said,
November 21, 2008 at 0:55
How did name of Vida Guerra’s luscious ass did the Wall Street Journal go from smug passive-aggressive pussies in ties to barking shithouse rats with bat wings?
How, Satan? How?!?!?
.
Pere Ubu said,
November 21, 2008 at 0:59
Uh?
Waiter… a plate of snotchos for Mr. Henniger, please.
PeeJ said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:04
He doesn’t invoke gay marriage as the villain? Yaawwwnnn.
Vida Guerra’s luscious ass said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:08
Boing boing boing boing boing
chimpevil said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:11
Man I was just reading a post by dday @ Hullabaloo about this fuckwit’s witless mindfucking about WTF and I thought I bet sadlyno is on this and them bam I click over and here it be. Sometimes life just works out so sweet. Thanks Brad.
Arky4That1 said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:14
Everybody! A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!
I have a little dreidel
I made it out of clay
And when it’s dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play
CHORUS
Oh dreidel dreidel dreidel
I made it out of clay
And when it’s dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play
It has a lovely body
With legs so short and thin
And when it is so tired
It drops and then I win!
CHORUS
My dreidel’s always playful
It loves to dance and spin
A happy game of dreidel
Come play now, let’s begin!
CHORUS
Jim/The Velvet Blog said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:14
Jesus H. Christ–I assumed that was from Renew America or some such. Then I saw it was the WSJ. Wow.
Is it me, or does he look like a villain in cheap Bond knockoff?
PeeJ said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:16
Okay, I’ve now read it. I’d wonder how he could look himself in the mirror if I didn’t know he can’t see out his asshole.
By the by, This American Life – the radio version – had an excellent explanation of the mortgage meltdown. As told through interviews with mortgage brokers, bankers, et. al. It’s not anything like the version Miss Henninger tells. $0.95 to download the podcast.
jp said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:17
Man, that is one big assload of crazy.
Jay B. said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:22
I’m all over the map on this one. There’s so much to mock.
First, it was published in the amoralist’s paper of record, so if I’m a doctrinaire running dog capitalist reading this, I’m thinking “how can I bilk this rube?” Second, “please” is the magic word, not “Christmas”. Third, slavery. Discuss. Fourth, capitalism — motherfucking capitalism — is in ruins because of a magic incantation? If I were a libertarian, I’d just give up right now. They whine about going Galt on us when their own allies in the business world are saying that without religion we miss the true meaning of capitalism.
I can’t stand the free marketeers, but at least I completely understand their motive: gimme, gimme, gimme. The rubes, though. Fuck.
Nimrod Gently said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:22
It has been 300 years.
alec said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:30
Are you kidding? Christianity is vitally important to capitalism. You just have to ignore every thing Jesus is on record as having said or done, including the prepositions.
J— said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:34
Henninger:
Oh, really.
Take that, Kathleen Parker. No evangelical GOP base, no Christmas.
noen said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:48
One had better explain that.
No please, really, I’d rather you didn’t.
It has been my view that the steady secularizing and insistent effort at dereligioning America has been dangerous. That danger flashed red in the fall into subprime personal behavior by borrowers and bankers, who after all are just people. Northerners and atheists who vilify Southern evangelicals are throwing out nurturers of useful virtue with the bathwater of obnoxious political opinions.
Oh dear god you had to anyway. “Nurturers of useful virtue”??? I need another shower. I’ve already taken five and I still can’t get the stench off.
noen said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:49
Crap, foiled again. I need a faster PC to keep up.
Smut Clyde said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:49
Is it me, or does he look like a villain in cheap Bond knockoff?
More like Peter Cushing’s role in Scream and Scream Again.
Jennifer said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:54
Thanks. Thanks a lot, Sadly, No, for shaving a good 30 points off my IQ with the link to that blather.
Smut Clyde said,
November 21, 2008 at 1:57
So after all these years, Henninger tells us that the Invisible Hand of the Market is not an optimum mechanism after all, because the pursuit of their own personal interests by the various actors in the market will lead to corruption. Unless they are self-regulated by a shared belief in an Invisible Sky Fairy.
Has he considered the alternative of regulating them by, ummm, regulation?
LittlePig said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:14
More like Peter Cushing’s role in Scream and Scream Again.
I’m getting more a “Vader! Release him!” vibe.
OneMan said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:15
“Has he considered the alternative of regulating them by, ummm, regulation?”
HA HA, socialest!
Thursday said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:19
What’s ‘Christmas’?
J— said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:19
Crap, foiled again. I need a faster PC to keep up.
Variations on a theme, noen. I don’t see it as a race.
Mark said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:21
Holy shit! You weren’t making that up. Wow.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:22
I don’t see it as a race.
Oh come on. Threads are for win win WINNING!
Thursday said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:24
As compared to whom, Nimrod? Molluscs?
MzNicky said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:28
WSJ always prints mounds of this crappola. I mean, two words: Peggy Noonan, fer crissake. Okay that was four.
And I want to know why all these whingers about socialism this and socialism that aren’t turning themselves inside out with rage over all the socialism-ing going on with government bailouts of banks and other financial institutions and automakers and so forth. Where’s yer free-market invisible hand there, huh? Huh? Stupid wastewads.
roseyv said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:32
Hee.
I just screeded on this myself earlier today:
http://roseyv.livejournal.com/90627.html
Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable.
Smut Clyde said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:37
In this instance, the system has been badly used — by mere people.
It will come as a great consolation to those who have lost their jobs, houses or retirement funds to know that the System did not fail (it cannot fail!), but rather, was failed (by mere people).
nurturers of useful virtue
There’s a strong whiff of “noble lie” rhetoric around this guy. I am picking up that sub-text of “The sentimental nonsense of the Sky-Fairy belief system does not apply to my readers or me — we are intelligent enough to stand above it — but the economy runs more smoothly if we teach it to the commoners, and to investment bankers in particular, to instill them with a sense of virtue.”
noen said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:52
Sub-text? The Jonah, KLo crowd? gurrrlgle wrrrrr, fart… that’s the only sub-text they know.
FlipYrWhig said,
November 21, 2008 at 2:59
Aren’t Tek Markitz supposed to make their own morality — everyone participating in the market acts according to his own self-interest, but in totality it ends up benefiting everyone?
Sammy said,
November 21, 2008 at 3:02
Only Real Americans – by which I mean Real Christians – know that Christmas is all about spending.
gocart mozart said,
November 21, 2008 at 3:11
First they gave the baby Jesus a sub-prime loan,
but since all my assets were in General Motors, I said nothing.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
November 21, 2008 at 3:12
Is it me, or does he look like a villain in cheap Bond knockoff?
More like Peter Cushing’s role in Scream and Scream Again.
I’m thinking Grandpa Munster’s even more vampirier and sense-of-humorless brother.
Charles Giacometti said,
November 21, 2008 at 3:20
Why does a whiny little shit who doesn’t have the balls to say “Merry Christmas” when he wants to blame it on someone else? Just say it, for fuck’s sake.
It’s not a conspiracy. It’s not a war on Christmas. It’s that people like Henninger have an empty ballsack.
pedestrian said,
November 21, 2008 at 3:51
By that logic homeless people aren’t allowed to panhandle anymore because assholes sometimes tell them to go get a job.
If your all-powerful sky fairy can’t protect you from snide Jews, how’s he supposed to prevent rich people from being greedy?
Arky 4 That 1 said,
November 21, 2008 at 3:54
It is true that places where there is no war against Christmas the economy is thriving. Look at Saudi Arabia, Yemen, the UAE… And the last I checked China owns our asses unto the 7th generation, so it’s evident that without the WAC there’s no market meltdown.
What do you mean “I’m missing something”?
tigrismus said,
November 21, 2008 at 4:00
Oh come on. Threads are for win win WINNING!
I thought threads were like an orgies, where EVERYBODY WINS. I will point out that I remarked on the “Northerners and atheists who vilify Southern evangelicals are throwing out nurturers of useful virtue” in the Wankee post, but I will refrain from using the phrase “sloppy seconds”.
And he looks like a downmarket Christopher Plummer to me. As a vampire.
tigrismus said,
November 21, 2008 at 4:20
Preview, come back my dearest darling. It’s just not an orgies without you.
J— said,
November 21, 2008 at 4:25
One day I was on the ground
When I needed a hand
And it couldn’t be found
Guest said,
November 21, 2008 at 4:29
that might be the worst thing i’ve ever read on the Net. my eyes are literally boggling around in my head like floppy grapes. wall street journal? huh?
Me said,
November 21, 2008 at 5:48
Christmas, the holiday that dare not speak its name.
Huh? What is this “Christmas” you speak of? I live on an isolated desert island, and I’ve never heard of this “holiday”. And plus, I don’t know any other people.
justme said,
November 21, 2008 at 5:54
Leave Bond to me.
Batocchio said,
November 21, 2008 at 6:46
Well, back in 2005 Fox News did link a potential economic crisis to the evil liberals and their War on Christmas (I have an old post on it), but blaming the existing crisis on the WOC would be a big step up.
Doctorb said,
November 21, 2008 at 7:12
It’s important for (some) Christians to get the government to pass laws against
drinkingand teh gays and saying bad words and seeing a nipple, becauseJesusSaulPaul said those were bad, but if you suggest actually making people “sell all they have and give to the poor” like it says in the Gospel, or even, you know, “give the poor a portion of what you got by having some coked-up investment banker move imaginary money around a balance sheet on your behalf” they’re all “OH NOES I EARNED THAT UNEARNED INCOME AND TEH SOSHALEST HITLERS ARE PUTTING ME IN A GOOLOG”.Hoosier X said,
November 21, 2008 at 10:40
I gotta say:
I don’t personally know ONE SINGLE PERSON who is the least bit offended by the casual use of the phrase “Merry Christmas” between, say, Halloween and January 1.
Now, then, conversely, I know loads of people, most of them are where I work, who get genuinely pissed off and offended by “Happy Holidays” and Holiday Break and so on.
(I like to say “Happy Holidays,” after which I apologize for not being politically correct enough … and it is very politically incorrect to call conservative out on their inconsistency.)
Doctorb, vice principal of rock-n-roll said,
November 21, 2008 at 12:53
I like to mix it up. Sometimes “Happy Holidays” and sometimes “Death to America”.
actor212 said,
November 21, 2008 at 17:28
Did anyone tell Bill that France is the most Catholic country on the planet, and that they have even more progressive policies than most European nations???
Tom said,
November 21, 2008 at 23:04
So the problem is the people who make you say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? So it’s all the fault of the Jews? Where have I heard that one before?
Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,
November 22, 2008 at 18:00
Christmas, the holiday that dare not speak its name.
Christmas is not alone in this. The bulk of holidays are unable to speak their names.
The Dark Avenger said,
November 23, 2008 at 2:49
He could play a Batman villain: