Nov
17
17
Shorter Suzanne Smalley Of Newsweek
Above: Was like OMG
- I was talking to my friend at Eagle Publishing about, okay, Obama victory: good for Republicans, and she was like, “you so totally ought to talk to Patrick Ruffini, no wait, no wait, he doesn’t work for us, hang on a sec, Robert Bluey is busy this week, crap, hang on,” and the next thing I knew, she had connected me with Erick Erickson of RedState.com, the young, hip grassroots organizer who collected more than 3,400 signatures on a recent e-petition.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Bonus Shorter Newsweek:
- As is the case with so many things, there are reasonable people on both sides of the question.
actor212 said,
November 17, 2008 at 23:59
Hairbands?
That’s so pre-Clinton…
Mo's Bike Shop said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:03
Okay then, I’ll just have a sweet roll.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjUO2WMzyXM
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:04
Sasy, who do you have to blow to get a write-up in Newsweek?
Apparently…ANYone!
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:04
Errrr, “say”, not “sasy”….sheesh.
rotten mcdonald said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:07
No, actor, I like it: Sasy Suzanne!!
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:07
You know, when they sit around and act like this makes sense, it contributes to eeejits going, “That makes sense!”
No, it doesn’t. This morning I heard Pat Buchanon natter on about tarrifs as though Japanese car companies don’t manufacture in the US. I’m sure Pat does not know this. But why, then, is he considered a pundit that people should listen to?
Why doesn’t anyone simply say how stupid all this is?
It would be so refreshing.
Dreamweasel said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:08
The Newsweek piece is called “Belief Watch”.
And remember: You can’t say it’s wrong if it’s somebody’s Belief.
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:09
This morning I heard Pat Buchanon natter on about tarrifs as though Japanese car companies don’t manufacture in the US.
What makes this even funnier is just yesterday, Buchanan was arguing against the bailout by saying “Look, Toyota, Hundai, and Volkswagen all make their American market cars here profitably! Why can’t the big three????”
zeppo said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:10
Why, OF COURSE, these people are worried that Obama might be the Anti-Christ. It is one of many things that members of our society might concerned about. I mean, one of MY big worried is that there might be a box jellyfish hiding in my penny loafers, waiting to sting me when I put them on in the morning. That’s why I always put my shoes in the freezer every night. Box jellyfish cannot sting people when the temperature is below 27 degrees F.
Barack Obama the Ant-Christ? Sure, that’s a perfectly reasonable thing for any rational adult to be concerned about….
The Fool said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:11
I used to see that chick at Emo’s.
Julian "Hussein" Perez said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:12
This is actually an idea that has some traction among the idiotic and easily panicked.
I was at a grocery store the other day here in Miami, and some ghoulish old Cuban lady with a blue and silver wig was buying a spinner-rack Spanish-language book about the prophecies of the Antichrist.
I asked her who she thought was the Antichrist was, and she responded that she thought it was my buddy Barry O.
I told her that he’s a pretty lame, middle-of-the-road antichrist then.
Apparently, Barack wanted to be a comics artist, and he was a big fan of Conan the Barbarian.
I ask you: how can anyone that likes Conan the Barbarian be EVIL?
Rugged in Montana said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:13
Listen, The Fool. Nothing is quite as impressive, as pulliing into a parking lot in a pickup truck blasting heavy metal music. Especially when their are good looking ladies around to be impressed by what a tough man you are. I love that feeling.
J— said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:13
Not open thread?
AhabTRuler said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:15
There is all sorts of wonderful crazy in that comments section.
Legalize said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:15
“Look, Toyota, Hundai, and Volkswagen all make their American market cars here profitably! Why can’t the big three????”
Oh dear, I can hear that fucker’s voice laughing while Rachel Maddow points out how everything he just said was factually erroneous. while Chris Matthews points out that Pat and he are both Catholics and that’s good enough for Chris!
Clem said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:16
Man, that gak sure is hard to wash out. What? She doesn’t know she was gakked? Oh, wow.
rotten mcdonald said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:17
So if Obama is the Anti-christ (or AN anti-christ), what does that make Sasha and Malia? Imps?
Adorable imps with a new puppy?
The Fool said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:20
Terpsichordian is good with me. But I think you can dance better to jazz than classical.
a different brad said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:21
That’s the first time I’ve ever seen that rapture website referenced without an obvious appreciation of the comedy value.
I just wish I wuz a hacker and could get into that server and have the rapture emails sent.
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:24
I thought the Antichrist was supposed to be Jewish?
Isn’t that the religion, aside from worshipping cargo planes, that has not been attributed to Barack Obama?
And even conversion really won’t do. To really nail it down, you have to find a Jewish mother… but I supposed that one is coming along now that they are already obsessed with the birth certificate.
Duros Hussein 62 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:25
So if Obama is the Anti-christ (or AN anti-christ), what does that make Sasha and Malia? Imps?
Hellhounds?
Duros Hussein 62 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:25
Seriously, would the Antichrist drive a fucking hybrid?
Bitter Scribe said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:25
As the editor and founder of RaptureReady.com, his job is to track current events and link them to biblical prophecy in hopes of maintaining his status as “the eBay of prophecy,” the best source online for predictions and calculations concerning the end of the world.
The “best source”? As opposed to what?
I mean, seeing as how the world is still here, aren’t “predictions and calculations” concerning its end all equally full of shit?
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:26
I thought the Antichrist was supposed to be Jewish?
He is.
And the “Rapture” was only going to save twelve thousand of the twelve tribes, so I’m thinking there are an awful lot of godly self-righteous Christians in really deep shit.
purpleOnion said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:27
Lisa Miller must be a great reporter, because she refrained from writing statements like: Boy, get a load of that!, Imagine that!, You don’t say!, That’s a little weird, don’t you think?, You don’t say, or You’re kidding, right? I’m so desperate for reality that even if a television pundit raised an eye brow I’d be ecstatic and a roll of the eyes could satisfy me for days. OK, so I’m easy.
cowalker said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:27
“Is John McCain a reptilian humanoid alien from Alpha Draconis?”
Some say he might be.
http://www.dailypaul.com/node/64536
Remember the flickering tongue? How much proof do you need?
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:27
“the eBay of prophecy,”
Personally, I currently have the low bid in on the Armageddon Dutch auction.
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:28
I’ve had enough of this vague stuff that can be interpreted any number of ways.
If God can’t be bothered to make a Youtube video, just how much does he care?
rotten mcdonald said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:30
Seriously, would the Antichrist drive a fucking hybrid?
well, if he were blasting heavy metal out the windows….
dave said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:33
I was hoping to see something a little less ambivalent from Jehova than a 666 winning lottery number before I pack my bags. And, oh yeah…will I have to get a new ISP in heaven?
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:35
Remember the fuss over Reagan’s retirement address was 666 something. And they changed it?
So really, he’s been here and done that, already.
Daniel De Groot said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:36
Of course, this is the magazine that wanted to hire Karl Rove so they “balanced” the most egregiously dishonest lying hack partisan criminal fuckwad in living memory against Markos Moulitsas, a blogger maybe 10% of the country recognizes or knows more than the name and some vague sense that he is somehow “on the left”
Karl’s currently publishing at a 2:1 clip compared to Markos too.
Jay B. said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:41
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Clearly, Obama’s people (probably Beezlebub, maybe Lucifer, possibly Oprah) got to someone. WordPress is like Nazis, but worse.
Jacob Singer said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:41
I’ve never understood the whole “antichrist” business. Wouldn’t Christians want the antichrist to show up, to start that whole end-times shit they always carry on about? Did they votr against the antichrist to keep him at bay somehow?
Man, theology is so tricky.
Jacob Singer said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:41
Erg, vote.
J— said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:41
eBay is probably the premiere place for digital fencing today. Likewise, Rapture Ready peddles goods of suspicious provenance and quality. Buyer beware.
Andy said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:42
Obama is supposedly the Antichrist because one of the winning Illinois lottery numbers on election day was 666. However, if we’re going to identify the Antichrist using winning lottery numbers, Ronald Reagan would seem to be a much clearer choice (except fot the inconvenient fact that he’s dead):
http://www.lightoftheworld.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1591481%3ABlogPost%3A2564
Note that on election day 1980, the winning lottery numbers in BOTH Maryland and New Jersey were 666. And, New Jersey’s hockey team is known as the Devils. Coincidence? (Yes, obviously.)
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:48
Listen assholes, the mark of the beast (me) is 616 not 666 for fucks sake. Get it right.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_of_the_Beast
I created google for a reason.
See you soon
Dr.BDH said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:48
Please, please, please let the next three years’ worth of reporting about the Republican party involve Redstate and the Rapture! More Erik Erikson, more Antichrist! (Hell, more Fred Thompson, with or without cancer, while we’re at it.) I want to see that shit in Newsweek every week! On the cover! Please, please, please!
They can preempt it for a Sarah Palin ethics investigation or an indictment of Rumsfeld from the Hague, but otherwise, All Wingnut All The Time! It would be so sweet!
Candy said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:51
I’ve never understood the whole “antichrist” business. Wouldn’t Christians want the antichrist to show up, to start that whole end-times shit they always carry on about? Did they votr against the antichrist to keep him at bay somehow?
Well, yeah. It’s about as logical as the abortion thing. If this world is the vale of tears and all, and innocent fetus souls go to heaven, why would abortion be such a tragedy? Being a fetus soul all united with god in heaven seems like it would beat the snot out of being a fetus soul that becomes live unwanted baby then becomes a poor child who then becomes an adult working for minimum wage and supporting two or three kids of its own and eventually croaking anyway.
These people make no sense.
I worked with a guy who got fired because he wouldn’t type the number 666, and you’d be amazed how many social security numbers have ’666′ in them. Seriously. He’d get up and wander around, trying to get someone else to come to his desk and type it for him. (Evidently if we, his coworkers, typed the dread number it wasn’t going to matter because we were all going to hell anyway, probably.) I was so glad when they canned him. That guy really creeped me out.
I guess preview died and went to limbo or something.
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:55
OK so my first example was not so good. But still, get it right assholes.
This is far better evidence: http://www.csad.ox.ac.uk/POxy/beast616.htm
No kerning whatsoever. Positive proof.
Now as you were, sheeple.
Candy said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:57
Isn’t kerning what you get in a bag of inferior popcorn? jes wonderin’.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:57
I worked with a guy who got fired because he wouldn’t type the number 666
Holy shit, if that doesn’t call for key-remapping I don’t know what does. Not enough geeks in your office.
MzNicky said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:58
Okay, this did NOT appear at Newsweek. No detectable tongue-in-cheek or anything, just flat-out written like that.
So much wrong with that, so little reason to point it all out. Just, no.
Candy said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:02
Holy shit, if that doesn’t call for key-remapping I don’t know what does. Not enough geeks in your office.
It’s safe to say that in my insurance claims office circa 1998, there were no geeks in my office. We still had CRTs at that point. When we got PCs it frightened some of my older coworkers.
MzNicky, I know what you mean. I can’t believe Newsweek printed that shit. That’s World Nut Daily material, that is.
SomeNYGuy said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:03
Who would Jesus crucify?
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:03
Candy, how the fuck should I know. I am the Beast not some asshole geek.
I just keep sitting around waiting for all the 616 tats, but at this rate everyone will get 666 and I will be SOL. Don’t pass go. Don’t collect $200.
It is kind of a waste of my time really until you guy get it figured out.
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:04
That’s because it’s not about sense. Or morals. Or actually trying to do What God Wants.
It’s about rooking the sheeple, and always has been.
In fact, the more confusing and absurd you make your con game, the more people will cling to it in defiance of all facts and logic. They have bought in, and now will defend it and even rope in others, all to bolster their sense that it has to be true.
That is why wingnuts, upon finding themselves in a hole, keep digging. They cannot reverse course, even if they are heading for the whirling saw blades of disaster. To do so would be to admit they have been wasting large chunks of their life.
Of course, they will continue to waste large chunks by continuing down a path they already know is pointless. But they don’t allow that knowledge to rise to a conscious level.
Eric (an halibut) said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:04
Suzanne Smalley. Good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like her!
And oddly enough the other item made me remember how Al Franken once asked Jerry Falwell to confirm his belief that the Antichrist was a living male Jew. Falwell said yes, and Franken asked: “It’s not Marvin Hamlisch, is it?”
Say what you will about him; he’s much funnier than most people who become involved in extremely close Senate races.
Fozzetti said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:05
Bush fits the description of antichrist to a ‘T’. Make it 2 ‘Ts’ and a “W”
MzNicky said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:05
Because for ONE thing, they say “Antichrist” so casually, as if it’s something EVERYONE naturally takes at face value. And then that little “perhaps” — “perhaps are jumping to conclusions” — YA THINK?? — “but they’re not nuts” — UH, YEAH. THEY BELIEVE IN SOMETHING CALLED ‘THE ANTICHRIST.’ THAT PRETTY MUCH DETERMINES THAT THEY ARE INDEED FUCKING NUTS. And with a mere colon, the writer attributes that assessment to an “expert”‘s quote, when the two statements are not even tangentially linked. Further, just because a “concern and a fear [are] widely shared” doesn’t mean they exclude NUTTINESS. Holy fucking hell I can’t stand “journalism” this smugly idiotic and disingenuous.
Button pushed, nevermind me. Time for a drink.
Meghan said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:07
I’m sorry, I’m still hung up on anyone believing that Sarah Palin is a “live-and-let-live Republican.”
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:08
MzNIcky,
I’m watching you. Just keep it up.
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:11
Well, since Weekly World News is no longer at the checkout line, someone had to step up.
My all-time favorite cover:
I WAS BIGFOOT’S LOVE SLAVE
with a distraught looking lumberjack.
Inset, indignant housewife: “He’s not the man I married!”
Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:11
I pull this out a lot when thinking about theology, but once again: Judas made the real sacrifice.
SomeNYGuy said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:16
But the end times are coming … for Newsweek!
Mr. Wonderful said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:16
Folks…
For a good time vis a vis 666 go here:
http://www.vidlit.com/rapture3/
And for a more comprehensive good time, go here:
http://www.profitfromthecomingrapture.com
Candy said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:20
In fact, the more confusing and absurd you make your con game, the more people will cling to it in defiance of all facts and logic. They have bought in, and now will defend it and even rope in others, all to bolster their sense that it has to be true.
Very well put. I think that’s exactly right.
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:22
It just occurred to me; that fellow at Candy’s job who wouldn’t type in “666″… could he NOT be fired now?
I mean, they let pharmacists get away with not filling prescriptions…
Mr. Wonderful said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:23
The 616 alternative is news to me. I thought the number was derived from the wording of Revelation, not from numerological symbols. WhatEVER.
Actor–The Pre-Millennial Dispensationalist Evangelicals believe the Rapture will save anyone who accepts JC as his/her personal savior, not just a fraction of the tribes. Or are you thinking of the 140,000 Jewish Virgins (12,000 from each tribe) who will roam the earth proselytizing for Him? Because what else is there to think about?
And Mz. Nicky–
Yes, that “they’re not nuts” thing made me, uh, nuts.
Candy said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:30
WereBear, I think that they might have had other reasons for firing him as well. I know that his production was very low. I think he did some other weird things, too. I know he used to bother a very pretty friend of mine who also worked there, hanging around her desk and offering to save her soul and nifty things like that.
Also, low-level corporate drones don’t get any special consideration. Managers just shitcan people whenever they feel like it. You’re lucky to get unemployment. Pharmacists are professionals even when they don’t act like it.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:34
I think he said the Antichrist is nearer……
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:36
Listen assholes, the mark of the beast (me) is 616 not 666 for fucks sake. Get it right.
That new translation caused quite a furor in my hometown, Grand Rapids MI, which happened to have the area code 616 and is chock full of religious nutjobs. They truly started a campaign to change the entire region’s area code.
Hmm. By Rapture Ready standards, I have a better than average case to claim I am the antichrist. Neato! Got suggestions about what counterfeit miracles I can do to unwind tonight?
Brock said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:40
I’m so sad to find out from reading that Newsweek article that Victoria Jackson is a religious wingnut.
Mr. Wonderful said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:41
Loneoak–
Good question! You can start by:
1. Signing a seven-year covenant with Israel.
2. Finding a chief assistant (the False Prophet), who will create an idol-like simulation of you and endow it with life
3. “Turn on” Israel in 3.5 years and invade it.
Oh, and, FYI: Shortly after no. 3, you will be attacked and actually die, and then come back to life. At that time you will be indwelled by Satan. Enjoy!
Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:42
Men of Sodom! Are you behind us?
MzNicky said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:45
Brock: I saw a clip of Victoria Jackson on a talk show or something not too long ago where she was babbling some nonsense like this — it was hard to tell if she was joking or not. I guess she wasn’t. Then again it always was hard for me to tell when she was trying to be funny.
Candy said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:48
Loneoak, can you come over and magik my admin law worksheet done? I think that would qualify as an actual miracle, though, not a counterfeit one. Or maybe you could just cure my procrastination?
My partner was raised a Jehovah’s Witness. I just don’t get what the fuck is in it for them. They think the Rapture happened invisibly, whatever that means, c. 1918-19. They do think Armageddon is coming, but although they keep predicting the exact freaking year, it keeps not happening. (The only necessary skill for the following of their faith seems to be denial.) But what a bummer! Armageddon but no Rapture. I guess they just get to inherit the earth. All the rest of us and any lapsed Witnesses just get violently croaked during Armageddon. At least they don’t have a hell, as near as I can tell. You just die. Well, I agree with them on that point.
J— said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:48
I’m sorry, but a resource center for millenarianist evangelicals (or is it evangelical millenarianists?) that does not categorically condone onanism sounds pretty fishy to me.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:49
I’ve always thought Victoria Jackson was funny. She’s nuts, but oh well.
tigrismus said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:49
1. Signing a seven-year covenant with Israel etc.
What, no water into wine or other boozestuffs? Indwelling with naughty spirits should at least be intoxicating.
J— said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:49
Duh, make that condemn, not condone.
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:54
Loneoak, I have a shirt with a stain that just won’t come out.
You don’t want to start too big, you know.
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:58
WereBear, is that a naughty or a not-naught stain?
MzNicky said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:58
Loneoak:
1) House-train my new puppy dog? And in that regard:
2) Clean my carpets?
3) Have all my family members suddenly decide they have other plans for Thanksgiving and won’t be coming to my house after all?
Any of the above would be miraculous.
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:59
Oops, not-naughty that is.
Not-naught is a weird double negative. Hey, maybe that’s my first false miracle: a unique double negative!
Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:59
Please don’t raise The Dead.
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:00
MzNicky,
The solution to #3 is to not solve #1-#2.
Miracley yours,
Loneoak
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:03
Dear Righteous Bubba,
Hey, has anyone seen Jerry Garcia?
I have now raised The Dead.
May your Armageddon be fiery and full of sulfur,
Loneoak
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:05
It’s a mysterious stain of unknown origin.
And, when you wrinkle the fabric a little bit, it looks like Bronson Pinchot.
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:06
Mr. Wonderful,
I actually was in Israel precisely seven years ago, so I may have already signed such a thing. I did take a bunch of acid while there, so I may have forgot.
Perhaps I violated that covenant by voting for John Kerry?
Yours in Endtimes Exegesis,
Loneoak
Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:08
THE BOOK OF PSONGS
O bloody bloody Jesus, I love your blood so red,
I love the bloody corpuscles streaming from your head;
O bloody bloody Jesus, I love thy crimson tide,
I love the bloody Roman spear that got stuck in your side;
O rare and bloody Jesus, I love thy hands that bled,
I love the nails that pierced them O Jesus red and dead;
I’d love to drink the blood O Lord that drips from off thy feet,
and wash my hands and brush my teeth O Lord would that be sweet!
O bloody bloody Jesus, I love thy blood so red;
I loved you when you were alive, but I love you better dead!
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:16
WereBear,
My intensive study of early Greek Christian numerology indicates that Balki Bartokomous is the numerological equivalent of the Whore of Babylon.
Thus, if your stain happens to be of naughty origin, you may well be my Apocalyptic Personal Assistant. If your stain is simply foodstuff, then I suggest you sell it on eBay to a disconsolate Perfect Strangers fan.
If you happen to be my Apocalyptic Personal Assistant, please assist MzNicky with that poop on the floor issue.
Most assuredly your friend to The End,
Loneoak
Smut Clyde said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:23
Seriously, would the Antichrist drive a fucking hybrid?
My curiosity on this point is not strong enough for me to watch Omen II Remake to find out.
The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to conclusions, but they’re not nuts
If the bar for nuttiness has been lowered that far, I might start drinking there.
MzNicky said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:28
WereBear — Actually it’s more the pee stains on the carpet.
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:35
Mr. Wonderful 616 was how I told them to wright it in the book of Revelations. Then some wanker was sloppy in their hand written translation, that King James prick I suspect, and then wham bamb….. 666 for evermore.
The point is you are all wasting my time with this 666 nonsense.
It’s a win win situation for you SNers. Spread the news about the 616 being the number of the beast (me) I get to take over…. everything is cool (except for the Israel / Jewish thing) and we get rid of the mamby pamby thumper crowd in one fell swoop.
Spread the word kids.
And Loneoak I am the antichrist, not you.
Loneoak said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:38
My bad.
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:43
s’alright
henry lewis said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:45
Your liberal media:
Liberals criticize blatant administration incompetence, corruption or treachery: “OMG!! Bush Derangement Syndrome!!”.
Wingnuts speculating whether president-elect is the Antichrist: “They’re not nuts”.
Snorghagen said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:47
At 1:11 RB wrote I pull this out a lot when thinking about theology…
At 1:48 J- commented on millenarianist evangelicals and onanism.
Is this pure coincidence… or is it the work of The Beast?
J— said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:56
It’s that damned Borges. He’s a terrible influence.
Arky 4 That 1 said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:56
I have to admit, if someone would pay me to do that shit I wouldn’t need the damn Rapture. A paycheck to wind up the WingTards? Heaven can wait!
Woodrowfan said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:59
Derf did a good “the City” cartoon not too long ago about a sales clerk freaking out when his purchase came to $6.66 so she didn’t charge sales tax to change the final amount. Oye.
Smut Clyde said,
November 18, 2008 at 5:40
It’s that damned Borges. He’s a terrible influence.
I reckon he’s babelicious.
Honus said,
November 18, 2008 at 5:48
I don’t know what’s crazier, a serious article about the antichrist, or thinking RedState is a real player because he’s semi-tight with has beens like Rush, Fred Thompson and John Boehner. And i live here and I can tell you that Eric Cantor isn’t exactly an 800 pound political gorilla in Virginia. Morelike he’s about the only republican here you can interview who doesn’t start babbling about the rapture.
Me said,
November 18, 2008 at 6:16
You forgot the fog lights. These are necessary to draw additional attention to yourself, which you’re too stupid to realize you don’t actually want, since everyone who looks at you is laughing.
thoth said,
November 18, 2008 at 6:26
“Righteous Bubba said,
November 18, 2008 at 1:11
I pull this out a lot when thinking about theology, but once again: Judas made the real sacrifice.”
And Jesus Christ Superstar backs you up on that.
Mo's Bike Shop said,
November 18, 2008 at 6:53
Demon-possessed, Zombie Antichrist is so Marvel.
I prefer the subtle, da-daist influences of Morrison’s Bizarro Christ:
“Me Am the staying dead in the dark. Damned you!”
Doctorb said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:03
Okay, as a thought exercise, I decided that my religion was centered around the belief that, oh, let’s say White People Are Evil, and that someday there would come a Reckoning with a Totaling of Sums and a Snapping of Necks and so on. I mean, that’s a pretty crazy belief, right? Or not, I guess, but still, most of the country does not want to hear stuff like that.
Or if, you know, a Muslim of a particular bent goes around saying that at the end of the world all the Jews will be hunted down and if they try to hide behind rocks the rocks themselves will yell Hey, over here! and stuff like that, people tend to get upset about that and write long articles full of cut and pasted text and demand that Somebody Do Something.
But! while it’s okay apparently to point out that those beliefs are Not Helping Anyone, it is not okay to point out that “speaking in tongues” is different from “falling on the ground and yelling gibberish”, or that the Book of Mormon is mediocre Bible fanfic, or that Revelation is obviously a guy talking about the persecution of the early Church by Rome, and having to kind of put things in code, and also he is shrooming. If you say that some other crazy belief is, as it patently is, crazy, you’re a terrible bigot who hates religion and doesn’t believe in freedom of religion and are Hitler.
Bizarro Christ said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:05
Sell all that you have and give it to the rich.
Corporal Laticia Jeffrey the Interrogator said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:06
Figgered that one out yourself, huh Hitler?
Smut Clyde said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:14
Jesus Christ, Vampire hunter!
Doctorb said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:20
Actually I was going somewhere with that, but I got distracted and forgot what the point was going to be. I think, though, that it was that we should be willing to say something like “I recognize that this is your belief, and I assure you that I respect your right to have that belief. However, the fact that you believe it in no way compels me to accept it as true, valid, or even plausible.”
jim said,
November 18, 2008 at 10:31
Antichrist Schmantichrist – Sarah Palin represents “the live-and-let-live Republican Party”?!?
Even Newsweek’s Obama-Will-Devour-Your-Children-Alive-Right-Before-He-Steals-Your-Soul piece sounds like a thesis dissertation next to that insanity. With enough confirmation-bias, you could at least glean a few meager morsels of “evidence” to “prove” the former … but Palin provides zero-point-zero percent to indicate the latter. Her MO has been “my way or the highway” right from Day One of her political career, & she’s now a legend in her own mind.
She’s so live-and-let-live that it’s no heavy tax on one’s imagination to see her on TeeVee accusing Obama of being the black Damien Thorn in four years’ time, so long as it get her more hugs & hoorays (& more checks & money-orders) from the Talibangelicals when – not if – she runs in the GOP primaries as a candidate for POTUS.
Et tu, Newsweek?
krassen said,
November 18, 2008 at 11:51
I am getting all giddy about Obama the Antichrist…
Here’s what I learned from this awsome website about the AntiChrist.
http://www.prca.org/pamphlets/pamphlet_3.html
“Performing miracles, Antichrist will establish himself and validate his claim as God’s anointed. This is the emphasis of II Thessalonians 2. Men have always performed miracles to establish their authority, presenting them as the credentials of their divine appointment. Moses did in Egypt. Elijah did on Mount Carmel. Jesus Christ and His apostles did. So will Antichrist. Revelation 13:13 says that the second beast “doeth great wonders…” and verse 14 that “he deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast.” Matthew 24:24 indicates the same thing: “For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.” This is the teaching of II Thessalonians 2:9, “even him whose coming is after the working of Satan, with all power and signs and lying wonders….” The works of Antichrist will be the works of Satan, who has power beyond the natural ability of man.
Nor will these be fake miracles. These will not be just magic tricks of talented men like Harry Houdini and David Copperfield, but amazing deeds that simply defy explanation in human, scientific terms. Buttressing the claims of Antichrist will be nothing less than the superhuman power of the devil himself.”
Hopefully I can get good seats to these miracles; promises to be quite a production…
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 16:51
Krassen, in case you have not been paying attention, I did invent google, that is pretty cool.
What more would you like to see, an ACC school do good at football? That may take some time, but I will see what I can do.
Dreamweasel said,
November 18, 2008 at 16:56
Dear Antichrist,
Please do something about Stanton LaVey. He sounds like a total douche.
Gregory GOrDon said,
November 18, 2008 at 17:08
One thing that those who believe that Reagan was the anti-Christ have in their corner that those who believe that Obama or anyone else was the anti-Christ don’t is a man who made war with Reagan who claimed to be the “second” Christ. That man is myself. Gregory Stuart GOrDon. On July 4th of 1990 I, broke into his Bel-Air California retirement home to get publicity for the fact that he was indeed my opposite the anti-Christ.
According to 2 Thessalonians 2:1-11 it is this “second” Christ who will expose and defeat the anti-Christ. A Google search for Reagan Anti-Christ will bring up numerous entries on the first page concerning my book Ronald Reagan: Anti-Christ which can also be obtained as a free downloud from http://www.RonaldReaganAntiChrist.com
Now that Reagan is dead most people want to move on and find a new antiChrist but that is not how it works. The Devil is tricky. He actually has found a way to buy your soul should you use money with Reagan’s picture on it (The Mark of the Beast). This money is already a virtual reality and the flip side of the same coin is already circulating it is a dollar coin with the picture of each of the already dead presidents on it. Reagan’s coin is scheduled to come out in 2016. The U.S. Mint would have you believe that they will not retire paper dollars but it is inevitable as witnessed by Canada, England and The European Union all of which have retired their small bills.
Those of you not familiar with the meaning of The Mark of the Beast would do well to read Revelation Chapter 13 followed by Revelation 14: 9-11. The punishment is swimming in a lake of Fire and Brimstone.
So what of my “claim” to being the “second” Christ? What can I do? First of all I have created my own light form known as the Dynamic Light Reflectors. And I have created Earth. The creation of Earth comes in the form of creating new pasture land for Cattle through my newest invention which is the “S*it Bag.” It is a portable cow toilet or diaper made from hemp which can be simply detached at the end of the day and thrown into an Anaerobic Digester to produce Methane Gas to produce electricity from my other invention the Constant Burn Methane Gas Flywheel Generator. To find out about any of this visit http://www.lightoftheworld.com
Finally, before you go around calling Obama the anti-Christ let me take the flack full on as I know I must sooner or later. He has never to my knowledge claimed to be God, but I have. And I am intentionally and openly fulfilling the prophecy. One could even make the statement that I must be Lucifer himself as the meaning of Lucifer is “Light Bearer,” and I do have my own light form. Bring it on, if you dare. I am that I am. But what I am you may not be ready to deal with.
Weep or Rejoice as the case may be.
Dr. Lumplevin said,
November 18, 2008 at 18:23
Well even the Anti-christ will be better than Bush – we will be finally free of Christianism abrogating the separation between church and state, and hopefully, the Anti-Christ will have better diction with no southern accent.
Grand Moff Texan said,
November 18, 2008 at 18:36
I am insufficiently ashamed to say that I have already designated Ms. Smalley as “a right-wing cum-dumpster.”
.
les said,
November 18, 2008 at 18:41
“#
WereBear said,
November 18, 2008 at 0:28
I’ve had enough of this vague stuff that can be interpreted any number of ways.
If God can’t be bothered to make a Youtube video, just how much does he care?”
Geeze, dude, are you not familiar with Mr. Deity? The videos have been done.
antichrist said,
November 18, 2008 at 18:43
Stanton is just another example of how organized religion ruins a good thing. I work more with apathy and distracting shiny things. Plus I don’t smite. But he is a good bogeyman. So it just a glass half empty / half full thing for me. Wish I could be of more help.
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 19:35
Actor–The Pre-Millennial Dispensationalist Evangelicals believe the Rapture will save anyone who accepts JC as his/her personal savior, not just a fraction of the tribes. Or are you thinking of the 140,000 Jewish Virgins (12,000 from each tribe) who will roam the earth proselytizing for Him? Because what else is there to think about?
Nope. Just quotin’ Revelations.
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 19:39
It’s safe to say that in my insurance claims office circa 1998, there were no geeks in my office. We still had CRTs at that point. When we got PCs it frightened some of my older coworkers.
*koffkoff*
Ven I vuz shtarting out, ve had HP-400 time-share terminals mit der rolls of paper und der paper tape, and DERE VUZ GEEKS BACK DEN!
*koffkoffWHEEEEEEEEZE*
Hey! You keds! Git off mein lawn!!!!!!
Gregory GOrDon said,
November 18, 2008 at 20:09
After I posted my first comment I went on to read the article. It said that some other guy owned http://antiantichrist.com Good for publicity but sad in that this guy thinks that Obama may be the anti-Christ. Anyone who thinks that is in for serious problems. I speak from experience. I was labeld as schizophrenic for believing that Reagan was the anti-Christ in the 1980′s even though time bore me out. Moreover anyone who claims that Obama is the anti-Christ is actually calling for him to be wounded and recover from that wound as was Reagan when he was shot by Hinckley. Yes that is part of the prophecy. See Revelation 13:3
And for les, yes God cares enough to put video on YouTube visit http://www.lightoftheworld.com and click on the link that says More YouTube Videos. There are 28 videos there some of which explain the whole Christ Vs. anti-Christ phenomenon and some of my light form. It is great for children, actors and muscians. One even explains how to save a Trillion dollars a year with the Dvorak keyboard that is already pre-built into every desktop and laptop computer.
Be still and know that I am God.
Smut Clyde said,
November 18, 2008 at 20:59
Moreover anyone who claims that Obama is the anti-Christ is actually calling for him to be wounded and recover from that wound as was Reagan when he was shot by Hinckley. Yes that is part of the prophecy. See Revelation 13:3
Were O.J. Simpson or Mr Bath-Bear involved in any way?
——————————————
The Documents in the Case vs. D. L. Sayers
Andy said,
November 18, 2008 at 21:27
“Dvorak keyboard”
Can one play the Slavonic Dances on it? That would be great.
And Reagan did recover from his wound, true, but recovering now from being dead is somewhat more difficult. Or is that the whole point? (I haven’t read the whole thing, as they say.)
actor212 said,
November 18, 2008 at 21:35
“Dvorak keyboard”
Can one play the Slavonic Dances on it? That would be great.
Oh man, I hope the Dvorakians don’t catch wind of this post, we’ll be fumigating for weeks!
The Goddamn Batman Wishes That He Could Have Voted For Al Franken said,
November 18, 2008 at 22:37
Stuart’s sister?
Kip W said,
November 23, 2008 at 0:22
I don’t know about whether reading Conan makes one an okay person, but Conan’s long-time signature writer Roy Thomas seems to have been a pro-McCain asshole. It’s sad to see somebody who used to hand in good work lose it like that.
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