Nov
10

The Moronic Verses




Posted at 10:04 by D. Aristophanes

Via Our Lady of the Shit Moat, we are treated to Jihad Watch’s helpful advice for Muslims wishing to present themselves in polite society. We’ve added a few of our own to Robert Spencer’s — see if you can tell which ones:

The American Muslim, terrorism, and Islamic supremacism

… So — will Sheila Musaji care to condemn the supremacist imperative delineated by these authoritative, traditional sources? Specifically, since she is asking me what is required to be considered a moderate Muslim, I can tell her that I believe it would be sufficient to do the following:

1. Acknowledge the existence of and repudiate the traditional Islamic imperative, taught by all the schools of Islamic jurisprudence that Muslims recognize as orthodox, to impose Islamic law upon non-Muslims, whether by force or by stealth.

2. Renounce any intention, now or in the future, to replace the U.S. Constitution with Islamic law.

3. Condemn all efforts, or attempts at same, to draw attention to the crescent-like shape of the majority ingredient in Apple Pie and its accepted variants.

4. Clarify, and call upon other Muslims in America to clarify, what is meant by the words ‘terrorism’ and ‘innocent’ in Muslim condemnations of terrorism, so that it is clear that what is being condemned is the murder of American and other non-combatants by Muslims acting in the name of Islamic jihad.

5. Denounce any attempt by your co-religionists to single out people of a different religious faith for unusual scrutiny in the public square.

6. Repudiate the idea that Muslims have a divine mandate to force, when possible, Jews, Christians, and other ‘People of the Book’ to pay a special religion-based tax from which Muslims are exempt (Qur’an 9:29).

7. Call upon Muslims in America to institute comprehensive, honest, and transparent programs in mosques and Islamic schools, teaching the virtues of the non-establishment of religion, and teaching directly against Islamic supremacism and the idea that Muslims must fight against Jews and Christians until they “feel themselves subdued” (Qur’an 9:29).

8. Call upon Muslims in America to institute comprehensive, honest, and transparent programs in mosques and Islamic schools, teaching against honor killing, and against the idea — which is enshrined in Islamic law — that a parent faces no penalty for killing his or her own child (see ‘Umdat al-Salik o1.1-2).

9. Call upon Muslims in America to institute comprehensive, honest, and transparent programs in mosques and Islamic schools, to end all forcing, pressuring or badgering of individuals to repudiate, point-by-point, long lists of collectively ascribed negative behaviors that are dishonestly derived from the deep recesses of dense and ancient religious texts few have studied, much less live by to the letter (see ‘Best of the Hair Bands: Vol. 3′).

10. Call upon Muslims worldwide, including in Saudi Arabia, to end all institutionalized discrimination against and harassment of non-Muslims, and to allow churches and other houses of worship to be built in majority-Muslim countries with an ease comparable to that with which mosques are currently built in Western countries.

11. Repudiate the idea that a Muslim who renounces Islam and adopts any other faith or no faith at all should be killed — as is the teaching of Muhammad and all the schools of Islamic jurisprudence — and call upon Muslim groups in America to teach the freedom of conscience as a God-given right in American mosques and Islamic schools.

12. Call upon Muslims in America and worldwide to drop the traditional and authoritative Islamic prohibition of marriage between non-Muslim men and Muslim women, and to repudiate and teach against the idea of divinely sanctioned wife-beating (Qur’an 4:34).

13. Villify, repudiate and condemn the institutionalized and barbaric Islamic practice of damaging expensive American munitions with Muslim heads, torsos and limbs.

14. Condemn Hamas and Hizballah as terrorist organizations, and the Islamic Republic of Iran for its continuing the barbaric practice of stoning people to death. Call upon Muslim groups to teach against stoning as a punishment for adultery or anything else in American mosques and Islamic schools.

15. Formally signify in public, by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments, that you are a moderate Muslim who remains in this country at our pleasure, an inexhaustive supply of which is not likely to be found here should you backslide towards bullying and marginalizing those not like yourself in ridiculous displays of terrified pique.

Do those things, Ms. Musaji, and I will happily acknowledge that you are indeed a ‘moderate’ Muslim.

182 Comments »

  1. mdh said,

    November 10, 2008 at 10:27

    In soviet Russia, the milkshake drinks you!

    (#15 is just delicious)

  2. Sophist FCD, the guy with bread under his armpit, said,

    November 10, 2008 at 10:36

    Do those things, Ms. Musaji, and I will happily acknowledge that you are indeed a ‘moderate’ Muslim.

    All that, and she still won’t remove the scare-quotes? Fuck that shit.

  3. Adara said,

    November 10, 2008 at 10:44

    If I recall correctly, there are passages about maiming/killing children in the Torah/Old Testament as well.

  4. Grace Nearing said,

    November 10, 2008 at 10:55

    I just keep replacing key terms with Roman Catholicism, the Baltimore Catechism, parochial schools, black patent leather shoes, and Sister Euphemia of the Five Wounds.

  5. Mustafa Banana said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:09

    He forgot 16. Convert to Christianity.

  6. Smut Clyde said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:10

    by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments
    I see what you do there.

  7. justme said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:11

    Hrrm, I put it in the thread below, but it deserves attention.

    Get ready for your “change”, motherfuckers.

  8. Andre said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:15

    I just keep replacing key terms with Roman Catholicism, the Baltimore Catechism, parochial schools, black patent leather shoes, and Sister Euphemia of the Five Wounds.

    OMG! I’ve finally figured out this whole “reverse racism” thing!

  9. justme said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:25

    If I recall correctly, there are passages about maiming/killing children in the Torah/Old Testament as well.

    I caught the last third or so of “God On Trial” on PBS tonight. There was an interesting bit where one of the gents was noting that, in the Bible, the Promised Land may have been promised, but it was not delivered vacant. There was an awful lot of clearing of various kingdoms done, and by clearing I mean good old fashioned kill them out of your way, men, women, children, sheep and cows.

    So many religions have within them either the history or the currency of believing that they are the only ones right enough to live. Fuck them in the neck.

  10. bellatrys said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:26

    15. Formally signify in public, by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments, that you are a moderate Muslim who remains in this country at our pleasure, an inexhaustive supply of which is not likely to be found here should you backslide towards bullying and marginalizing those not like yourself in ridiculous displays of terrified pique.

    It’s not Godwin if it’s medieval, right?

  11. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:27

    Just keep those black patent leather shoes brightly polished, ladies.

    And no underwear, please.

  12. Andre said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:29

    Why doesn’t Amy have a Dickipedia entry yet?

    The Ted Stevens one is lulzy.

  13. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:29

    As for #14, I believe Bob Dylan said it best.

  14. justme said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:33

    Oh, and if the tears topping your schadenfreude pie haven’t been sweet enough, this little snippet might just put you into sugar-shock.

    Freepers are bailing on Fox, because, yes, it’s too librul.

    The problem with FOX is that they are pandering to people that truly want fair and balanced. We conservatives want the truth.

    Hear that Toofey? There’s a job for you out there.

  15. noen said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:37

    Does he have any helpful advice for Christians wishing to present themselves in polite society?

    1. Acknowledge the existence of and repudiate the traditional Christian imperative to impose Judeo-Christian law upon non-Christians, whether by force or by stealth.

    2. Renounce any intention, now or in the future, to replace the U.S. Constitution with Biblical law.

    and so on…. I wonder if I’m still banned over there?

  16. Julian Perez said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:47

    Now this is actually pretty interesting. Other people have pointed out already that you could replace Christianity for most of their critiques about Islam and have a list that makes sense (the exception being suicide bombing, which is a particularly Shi’ite cultural characteristic), but it’s an insightful gaze into what it’s like to be a minority.

    I guess the point isn’t that their requests are unreasonable. They aren’t: these are reasonable standards of behavior for an open, sane and pluralistic society. The point is they’re even asking this at all.

    It’s sort of like, when you watch the news and you hear about a killer, if you’re black or latino, you say “please, please, don’t let him be black.” If you’re a minority, there’s a sense you are responsible for the actions of others in your group.

    …Hey, screw you, tranny!

  17. Cain said,

    November 10, 2008 at 11:48

    Noen, you beat me to it. I used to have a textfile where I replaced the Muslim terms with Christian ones, but I think I lost it when transferring my files to my laptop. Shame, since that really wound people up when used properly. I had a similar one with Neocon tropes (such as torture and aggressive warfare etc) as well, but it wasn’t quite as good.

    Also I know I’m still banned.

  18. Soj said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:02

    Suicide bombing has nothing to do with Shi’ites OR Islam. By far the all time “champs” in that regard are the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam and they damn sure aint Muslim.

  19. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:12

    I’d point out that if he’s asking that of moderates, I’d hate to see what kind of apostasy he wants from liberal Muslims.

  20. Smut Clyde said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:13

    The lesson here is that we should stop demanding that the Christian members of the Sadlynocracy regularly denounce the dominationists or Gideonites or whatever they’re called, to prove that they themselves are ‘moderate’ Christians. Buggerybollocks. What am I going to do for a hobby now?

  21. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:16

    Knitting?

  22. rageahol said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:24

    i’m pushing to have ms. alkon’s positions and quotes about the atrika wilson tragedy included on her wikipedia page.

    rather than defacing it (which isnt possible anyway, as the page is locked) i’d appreciate other sadlynauts in calling for its inclusion. including quotes.

  23. rageahol said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:25

    that was not particularly coherent. it’s late and ive been drinking, but you get the idea.

  24. Doug Watts said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:43

    Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Virginia), the wingnut who cried that Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.) is a Muslim, got his ass handed to him in the election by a Dhimmicrat.

    Praise Allah.

  25. ice weasel said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:45

    What was that argument about religion being a civilizing force in society again?

  26. RvB said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:50

    As a latecomer, may I add a hearty WTF? Isn’t this leather-wrapped cougar supposed to be giving dating tips here? Isn’t that her job? WTF is all this about muslims? Did you see the comment on her page with some insane gibberish by George Mason? Again, WTfuckingF?
    My own addition to this list: Shwarma shop employees should stop saying “How are you, my friend?” until we can determine whether they truly are our friends, or instead are scimitar-waving foes of western civilization, planning to fillet our way of life as they would a roll of barbecued lamb.

  27. ChlorineX said,

    November 10, 2008 at 13:53

    “Formally signify in public, by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments…”

    Ooooh – anyone seeing history repeat itself here? Woo-woo… next stop, Auschwitz.

    Fascism for all, Ms. A.

  28. Major Kong said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:03

    7. Call upon Muslims in America to institute comprehensive, honest, and transparent programs in mosques and Islamic schools, teaching the virtues of the non-establishment of religion

    Nice to know the wingnuts are suddenly all about the non-establishment of religion.

  29. Willy said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:11

    An addition to # 15: also, have jews wear a star of david, for old times sake.

  30. Medullah Ibrahim said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:18

    If Mr. Spencer is willing to condemn American supremacism (and war crimes!), I will happily, joyously, acknowledge him as a decent, moderate human being and a blogger worth listening to.

  31. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:23

    Freepers are bailing on Fox, because, yes, it’s too librul.

    –The problem with FOX is that they are pandering to people that truly want fair and balanced. We conservatives want the truth.

    Get out of here on a rocket made of lunch meat!

    Don’t they know the truth has a liberal bias?

  32. Medullah Ibrahim said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:31

    Speaking of ‘The Truth’, he hasn’t been around since the election, has he? I wonder if he’s going to be the new ‘Gary Ruppert’: disappear completely for awhile and then turn up in multiple incarnations?

    Every blog needs a real troll.

  33. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:32

    I read about the Fox boycott on GOS. More goodies…

    We need a new tv news channel that is completely conservative. We have the talent. Rush, Ingraham, Levin, Hannity, Beck, Boortz, and others. Until then, I am cancelling cable.

    I watch the Weather Channel often – to actually get the weather – but they are very liberal and promote “climate change” as part of their agenda. Be warned.

    The outcry for the Conservative Weather Channel begins in three, two one…

    “The Communist are falling from the skies! They’re hitting the ground like bags of wet cement!”

  34. justme said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:39

    If clown meat tastes funny, how does rocket meat taste?

  35. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:40

    WereBear:

    More like, “The communists test our resolve once more with partly cloudy skies on Tuesday, followed by scattered showers. But we will defeat them and their weather machines!”

    Stupid, paranoid, and delusional.

  36. justme said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:40

    “The Communist are falling from the skies! They’re hitting the ground like bags of wet cement!”

    As God as my witness, I thought Communist could fly!

  37. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:43

    Thanks for pic of clown meat. Why is it always pork products that are so subversive and strange?

    Case in point: headcheese.

  38. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:45

    Doug Watts said,
    November 10, 2008 at 13:43

    Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Virginia), the wingnut who cried that Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.) is a Muslim, got his ass handed to him in the election by a Dhimmicrat.

    Praise Allah.

    Virgil was also an MZM scammer. He won’t be missed.

  39. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:49

    You know, I’ve been arguing for quite a while now (if only personally) that these “anti-Jihadists” really do indeed hate anyone who’s Muslim, regardless of what they claim for public consumption.

    They don’t believe that there are “moderate” Muslims in the first place, or they wouldn’t go apeshit over things like requiring college-age students to read the Koran or the opening of a Muslim-culture school in New York City. They claim to be tolerant… but push ‘em a little and whoops, so much for tolerance.

    (And I love the disclaimer over at the linked site – looks like their commenters, like attendees at a Sarah Palin rally, get a little over-enthusiastic:

    The fact that any comment remains on the site IN NO WAY constitutes an endorsement by Jihad Watch or Dhimmi Watch, or by Robert Spencer or any other Jihad Watch or Dhimmi Watch writer, of any view expressed, fact alleged, or link provided in that comment)

  40. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 10, 2008 at 15:28

    This is the kind of reaching across the aisle I can support.

    To slap the cuffs on ‘em.

  41. Nylund said,

    November 10, 2008 at 15:37

    So I can write one of these about all the things Christians have to repudiate, right? Such a list would be welcomed and accepted by the Christian Fundamentalists no doubt.

  42. Till Eulenspiegel said,

    November 10, 2008 at 15:38

    You know, I’ve been arguing for quite a while now (if only personally) that these “anti-Jihadists” really do indeed hate anyone who’s Muslim, regardless of what they claim for public consumption.

    That’s hard to deny, especially with those who love to say “Religion of Peace” with scare quotes and much eye-rolling whenever some Muslim anywhere does something bad.

    Some fun facts to back this up:
    33% think “mainstream Islam encourages violence against non-Muslims” (ABC-March 2006 and ABC-September 2006)
    34% think “Muslims living in the U.S.” are “Sympathetic to the al-Qaeda terrorist organization” (Gallup-July 2006)
    http://pollingreport.com/religion.htm

    So I think it’s safe to say that there’s quite a large number of Islamophobic bigots out there. Some are just intelligent enough to deny it in public and pretend their concern is only violent extremism.

  43. Erik W. said,

    November 10, 2008 at 15:48

    Why I am not a moderate Muslim by Asma Khalid

  44. Erik W. said,

    November 10, 2008 at 15:55

    While posing as a scholar, Robert Spencer is really just another, extremist buggery bollocky blogger – a Steven den beste without the little girl fetish.

  45. PeeJ said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:02

    It seems to me their use of the designation “moderate Muslim” is the same way people once (‘once’, commmonly that is) said, “good negro.” Or maybe “good Indian.”

  46. PeeJ said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:03

    Gammatical skills of mine not quite par this morning up to yet. But you get the idea.

  47. PeeJ said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:18

    Breaking….. Secret Service assigns code names for new first family

    President-elect Barack Obama: Renegade
    Michelle Obama: Renaissance
    Malia Obama: Radiance
    Sasha Obama: Rosebud

    Vice President-elect Joe Biden: Celtic
    Jill Biden: Capri

    President George W. Bush: Tumbler
    First Lady Laura Bush: Tempo

  48. Bigby said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:34

    Can’t drug companies come up with a vaccine for this chronic disease of PROJECTION these wingnuts have to a man (and leathery cougar woman)?

    It’s like those poor people born without a sense of touch. They can’t feel even a searing hot iron on their skin. You replace ‘Muslim’ with ‘Christian’ in that diarrhea and hand it back to them and they say ‘what? WHAT?!?’, then delete it and ban you. Then their next post is about how liberals are intolerant. Mon Dieu!

  49. kavalier said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:38

    and, just by the way, where are the “moderate” Christians who are protesting this?

  50. kavalier said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:40

    stupid HTML tag in the wrong place – sorry all

  51. The Truth said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:53

    Ahh, my liberal droogs, still gloating on your hardly earned victory, still thinking that Obama has a mandate despite all evidence to the contrary. Liberal delusions have always been amusing, and this just gets better and better!

    I’ll let you in on a little secret- this nation’s love affair with an obviously radical agent will not last, and your arrogance will do nothing to stem the tide of election loss after loss after loss in the coming years. This is just the beginning of the end for you liberals, and it makes me happy to see that you’re unable to understand!

  52. Simba B said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:57

    hardly earned victory

    52 to 48 must’ve hurt, bitch.

  53. Candy said,

    November 10, 2008 at 16:57

    Mmmmm, Truth, give me more! Schadenfreude pie with whipped cream on top! Yum! It just keeps getting better and better and better!

    Ya know, for an atheist, Amy Alkon sure rolls like a fundie.

  54. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:00

    This is just the beginning of the end for you liberals, and it makes me happy to see that you’re unable to understand!

    Da, tovarsich Pravda!

    By the way, Joe McCarthy called, and said he’s returning your record collection, and you pitted out that sweater he lent you Thursday so you owe him a new one.

  55. Xecklothxayyquou Hussein Gilchrist said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:01

    Speaking of ‘The Truth’, he hasn’t been around since the election, has he?

    Oh, there it is! Liking pie just like always.

    Who was the loonie that was bombasting that Brownback was going to win the election, long ago? Was that on this blog?

  56. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:05

    By the way, I’d just like to remind komrade Pravda that R.W. Reagan’s “landslide” in 1984 was just 3 points larger than the popular vote was for Obama, and that G.W. Bush claimed a “mandate” with only half the popular vote margin Obama got.

    But, as I say, have fun there in the hoary netherworld of your imagination, tovarisch Pravda.

  57. Xecklothxayyquou Hussein Gilchrist said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:11

    G.W. Bush claimed a “mandate” with only half the popular vote margin Obama got.

    I well remember that creepy smirk and “I’ve got political capital and I intend to spend it.” I think Gee Dumbya at least had enough self control to avoid going “Muhuahaahaaaaahaaaa!” and wringing his hands on camera.

  58. Brady's bum knee said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:18

    I am so hoping that these idiots will fade into obscurity.

  59. kth said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:20

    I don’t understand the part about the badge. Without the badge, how do you even know the person is a Muslim at all?

    Oh wait, now I get it.

  60. Jim said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:22

    Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 14:49

    You know, I’ve been arguing for quite a while now (if only personally) that these “anti-Jihadists” really do indeed hate anyone who’s Muslim, regardless of what they claim for public consumption.

    Argue no more. They agree with you over in Amy’s comments section:

    “Spencer is not describing moderate Muslims, he is describing ex-Muslims. To address those 10 points is to completely reject the Qur’an. And since the Qur’an is the law, they would be rejecting Islam.”

    And

    “I’d have to agree. I’d love for somebody to read that list on national television, and then watch and see how the supposed “moderates” react to what are, by any RATIONAL standard, perfectly normal and indeed necessary sentiments in a peaceful liberal society.”

  61. Erik W. said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:33

    … necessary sentiments in a peaceful liberal society.”

    But … but … Obama is the Hamas candidate ….

  62. Sadly, No! Troll Industries said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:41

    Greetings!

    You have just witnessed posts by both the real The Truth and a new, improved automated version thereof. In order to further our research, we here on the SNTI The Truth 1.0 Building Team would like to know if anyone was able to tell the difference.

  63. OneMadClown said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:50

    You have just witnessed posts by both the real The Truth and a new, improved automated version thereof. In order to further our research, we here on the SNTI The Truth 1.0 Building Team would like to know if anyone was able to tell the difference.

    I can’t believe its not trolls!

  64. Major Kong said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:50

    Ahh, my liberal droogs, still gloating on your hardly earned victory, still thinking that Obama has a mandate despite all evidence to the contrary

    Yet in 2000 we were told that 6 electoral votes and a minority of the popular vote constituted a “mandate”.

  65. Proteus454 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:51

    9 and 15 were brilliant – 3 and 13 was just good, old-fashioned lols. ^_^ (5 I waffled over, and eventually decided it COULD be genuine…and then I realized the initial number was 10, so maybe I was being too generous, assuming any remote degree of self-awareness on their part here)

  66. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:51

    …still gloating on your hardly earned victory…

    Au contraire, it was quite easily to beat McCain.

  67. mdh said,

    November 10, 2008 at 17:54

    Lately in your ecstasy you’ve been neither funny nor controversial,

    Voting a vicious plutocrat – who is trying to ruin your country and its name – out of office does make liberals nicer.

    so I haven’t had much motivation to post.

    that’s a real shame right there.

  68. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:05

    All the true Scotsmen have taken up residence in Jihad Watch’s comments section.

  69. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:07

    #2 was the automatic troll. He interacted too easily with the other commenters, while the real Truth would just defecate on the thread and then swan about with his hands to make the mess worse.

    I mean, doy.

  70. atheist said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:10

    From the Jihad Watch article:

    Musaji responds by offering a blizzard of links purporting to demonstrate that she and many other Muslims have done just that, and that I am willfully ignoring them in order to demonize Muslims. And not only that, but there’s the inevitable tu quoque: “I don’t see any articles by Robert Spencer condemning violence and terrorism carried out by Christians.”

    From “The Devil’s Dictionary v 2.0″ by atheist:

    Tu Quoque: A kind of magical incantation, uttered by conservative movementarians. The conservative movementarians believe that these words will protect them from all sense of perspective, and any accusations of projection or hypocrisy made against them.

    See also: “I know you are but what am I?”

  71. henry lewis said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:17

    Where can I buy one of these user-adjustible gloatbots? There are some people I would like to annoy.

  72. Sadly, No! Troll Industries said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:27

    #2 was the automatic troll. He interacted too easily with the other commenters, while the real Truth would just defecate on the thread and then swan about with his hands to make the mess worse.

    Believe it or not, #1 was the fake.

  73. Anthony said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:42

    I thought #5 was real, like I didn’t even have a doubt and then I look at the real list and it’s not there. That’s awesome.

  74. Simba B said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:48

    2. Renounce any intention, now or in the future, to replace the U.S. Constitution with Islamic law.

    I thought that was fake…because that’s ‘Obama is a Muslim’ level nuttery.

  75. The Truth said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:53

    I am the puppetmaster pulling your strings!
    MUAHAHAHAHA

  76. Serializations Rut the Trainer said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:58

    #2 also conveniently ignores Christian willingness to change the constitution.

  77. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:59

    I am the puppetmaster pulling your strings!
    MUAHAHAHAHA

    By the way, Ayn Rand’s rotting corpse also called for you and said “the test came back positive” and she knows of a good doctor “who takes care of these kinds of things”, if you know what she means.

    And you pitted out the sweater she lent you last Friday and you owe her a new one.

  78. jim said,

    November 10, 2008 at 18:59

    You have just witnessed posts by both the real The Truth and a new, improved automated version thereof. In order to further our research, we here on the SNTI The Truth 1.0 Building Team would like to know if anyone was able to tell the difference.

    As an apprentice in the budding field of Troutology, I’d have to call bogosity on BOTH these posts … upon review, one sees that our “real” Herr Trout isn’t / wasn’t an afficionado of the exclamation-marks, for one thing.

    Sorry, but I just didn’t feel the pride in his own tunnel-vision that is the T-Man’s leitmotif. Not making some oblique “gotcha” part of the spiel here either time? I’d call these BOTH clones.

    Utter failure to hit a sexy hot-button wingnut topic like crazed Islamohomobabykillers has quite a fishy pong to it as well.

  79. stryx said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:01

    5. Denounce any attempt by your co-religionists to single out people of a different religious faith for unusual scrutiny in the public square.

    vs.

    15. Formally signify in public, by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments….

    She just phoned this one in. Just another in the continuing series “AA: Look At ME!!!”

  80. Aet said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:08

    “5. Denounce any attempt by your co-religionists to single out people of a different religious faith for unusual scrutiny in the public square.”

    The irony, IT BURNS!

  81. Loneoak said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:23

    Hmm, who knew that fReichtards valued civil society?

  82. OneMan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:23

    “Knitting?”

    OK, dammit, I know that’s a literature reference but I can’t get my foggy brain to dredge it up. There’s a book out there where a woman is knitting and it’s a symbol of her building drive to revenge (or such)…I thought it was Tale of Two Cities but can’t find any reference to knitting in online summaries and it’s been longer than many of you have been alive since I’ve read it.

    So please, someone, help a Nilla out…where does that reference come from?

  83. Daniel De Groot said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:23

    I watch the Weather Channel often – to actually get the weather – but they are very liberal and promote “climate change” as part of their agenda. Be warned.

    Weather Channel Founder: Sue Al Gore for Fraud

    fox news link intentional

    It is surprising to see a wingnut so behind on this one, John Coleman is one of their leading AGW sceptic talking points.

  84. actor212 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:27

    She left off “Bake brownies.”

  85. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:28

    I’d have to call bogosity on BOTH these posts

    Absolutely. Where’s the calling everyone “darling” for instance? And the gloating is not annoying enough.

  86. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:33

    sceptic talking points

    I thought for a minute that said “septic talking points”.

    I like my version better.

  87. noen said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:33

    Amy banned me but before she did she asked me a bunch of questions:

    Do you see a whole lot of Christians advocating the stoning of women or the hanging of homosexuals?

    Why yes, yes I do. These are from Religious Tolerance dot org. Emphasis mine.

    1999-MAR: Stoning children: AANEWS reported in 1999-MAR that a recent issue of the Chalcedon Foundation’s monthly journal, the Chalcedon Report, contained an article by Reconstructionist minister Rev. W.O. Einwechter, called “Stoning Disobedient Children.” He is alleged to have suggested that capital punishment should be used on “a grown son who, for whatever reason, has rebelled against the authority of his parents and will not profit from any of their discipline nor obey their voice in any thing…The execution of the rebel in view is just, merciful and preventative…” Einwechter is the vice-moderator of the Association of Free Reformed Churches, and a vice president of the National Reform Association, a group that advocates the inclusion of Christianity in government

    .
    Amy Alkon:
    or the hanging of homosexuals?

    2000-Summer: Neo-Confederates attempt split of PCA: According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, Rev. Steven J. Wilkins, is the “pastor of the Auburn Avenue Presbyterian Church in Monroe, La., and a founder and current board member of the neo-Confederate” League of the South (LOS). The LOS is allegedly attempting to take control of conservative churches in the Southern US — an act that could lead to a schism within the PCA. Wilkins promotes Christian Reconstructionism. Leaders of the Reconstructionist movement advocate that the “death penalty be used to punish those guilty of ‘apostasy (abandonment of the faith), heresy, blasphemy, witchcraft, astrology, adultery, ‘sodomy or homosexuality,’ incest, striking a parent, incorrigible juvenile delinquency, and in the case of women, ‘unchastity before marriage.’ Non-capital crimes would be sanctioned with whipping, indentured servitude or slavery.” Wilkins has allegedly said that the League’s goal is to save America from “paganism” and restore it as “the last bastion of Christendom” (It is not clear to which of the five different meanings of “Paganism” he is referring.) He has allegedly stated that slavery is “perfectly legitimate.” Wilkins had tried to remake the PCA, but allegedly told Christian Renewal in 2000-APR that “the denomination is unreformable.” In 2000-AUG, he sponsored a meeting involving 10 churches of the Louisiana Presbytery. They discussed leaving the PCA. The Rev. Kennedy Smartt, moderator of the PCA’s 1998 General Assembly, says that the PCA could lose “25 to 30 churches” pastored by men with “theonomic views.”

    But… but… these are just wackos, fringe groups without any political power of influence. Right Amy?

    2001-OCT: “Operation Potomac” launched: On approximately 2001-OCT-12, Jeffrey Ziegler, president of the National Reform Association (NRA) announced formation of a Christian Reconstructionist political action committee and public policy organization. NRA members have met with several House and Senate Republicans over the last 14 months. House Whip Tom DeLay (R-TX) is allegedly helping the NRA to organize a “biblical worldview” conference in Washington DC during 2002. President Bush is allegedly considering J. Robert Brame III, board member of Reconstructionist group American Vision as a member of the National Labor Relations Board.

    More Amy:
    Christians I know help the homeless and do a lot of nice things for people.

    I do too, and like you I am also an atheist and I know that there are many good hearted Christians and other religious people. I have benefited from their kindness and have no beef with them.

    Amy sayeth: “Here’s how it works over here: You post something like this and you post something to source it.” No, that isn’t how it works over there. You forgot the part where you ban people and then berate them for not engaging you in civil speech. You’re a hypocrite and a preening narcissist Amy. We aren’t laughing at you because you’re an atheist Amy, we’re laughing at you because you’re a moron.

  88. Mooser said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:36

    If I recall correctly, there are passages about maiming/killing children in the Torah/Old Testament as well

    If you are talking about circumscision, I’d rather not. Still way to early on the West Coast, and it’s even earlier by Putrid Sound (Home of Sub-Pop)

  89. Djur said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:37

    Uh, I see a lot of people thinking that “badges” item is genuine and from the original. Like D. said, a number of them are fake. The ‘badges’ item is one of them. Also, Amy Alkon didn’t write this. Professional Islamophobe Robert Spencer did. Reading comprehension, people.

    In any case, it’s unfair to expect anyone to click through to Jihadwatch, so: #3, #5, #9, #13, and #15 are all hilarious S,N interpolations.

  90. Djur said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:39

    Mooser: More like this.

  91. stryx said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:47

    Hmmm. A knitting reference? I turn to the classics:

    Madame Defarge rails that “…we are so poor we do not even have a language. Just a stupid accent!” Another plebeian chimes in, “She’s right; we all talk like Maurice Chevalier, honh-honh-honh!”

  92. JF Sebastian said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:49

    Yep, Amy definitely didn’t write this herself. If she had, it likely would have taken the form of a transcript from a 3 a.m call she’d made to crazily screech at a Muslim.

  93. henry lewis said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:51

    so: #3, #5, #9, #13, and #15 are all hilarious S,N interpolations.

    The joke being it’s so hard to tell the real from the fake.

  94. Djur said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:54

    henry lewis: Undoubtedly. But there seem to be people here who actually thought Amy Alkon was advocating crescent badges for Muslims while simultaneously demanding that they abstain from singling out a religious minority, etc.

  95. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:57

    For me, the greatest religious irony in the present situation is that the most vociferous screeching tends to come from Protestants, who schism at the tap of a dandelion seed.

    Even if you wrestle your way through sprinkling vs immersion, the Trinity in One or the One in Trinity, and the several different versions that are Pro-Apocalypse compared to those who have no Apocalypse at all, we come down to the local splits, which were oak vs walnut pews or who got dissed with burnt Christmas cookies one year.

    And I haven’t even counted snake handling!

  96. pedestrian said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:58

    So please, someone, help a Nilla out…where does that reference come from?

    It is Tale of Two Cities. In the lead up to the Revolution, Madame Defarge is frequently seen knitting out the names of the enemies of the people using some sort of stitch/purl code she has worked out. That way when it comes time to stuff heads on pikes she won’t forget anyone.

  97. Trilateral Chairman said,

    November 10, 2008 at 19:59

    OK, dammit, I know that’s a literature reference but I can’t get my foggy brain to dredge it up. There’s a book out there where a woman is knitting and it’s a symbol of her building drive to revenge (or such)…I thought it was Tale of Two Cities but can’t find any reference to knitting in online summaries and it’s been longer than many of you have been alive since I’ve read it.

    Well, it might’ve been. Mme Defarge was knitting a list of people to have killed when the revolution came. I can’t think of another reference offhand.

  98. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:01

    Well, this:

    Madame Defarge rails that “…we are so poor we do not even have a language. Just a stupid accent!” Another plebeian chimes in, “She’s right; we all talk like Maurice Chevalier, honh-honh-honh!”

    Is from History of the World, Part I.

    “I’m a standup philosopher!”
    “Oh, a bullshit artist.”

  99. stryx said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:06

    Count De Monet comes frantically racing up to King Louis, and says: “Your majesty, your majesty, the peasants are revolting!” to which he responds “That’s right, they stink on ice!”

  100. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:12

    Actually, I just thought knitting would be a good way to kill time.

    But I guess *somebody* found meaning in it, so what good is authorial intent?

  101. WereBear said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:12

    I love King Louis trying to escape through a trompe l’oi door, and exclaiming, “Who built this place?”

  102. Turbine Yukon Palin said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:14

    The Truth 1.0 Building Team would like to know if anyone was able to tell the difference.

    #2 had just the right mix of twee self-righteousness and de-oxygenated reality-awareness. It did that thing it does where it likes to go “Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!” with such utter tunnelvision that any sense of perspective on the Real World is lost, causing it to:

    a) utterly and epically miss current events,
    b) fail to take note of the facts that are dancing before its eyes (jazz hands and all), while painted blue and singing “Happy Facts Are Here Again,” and
    c) assumes that we tremble in fear of its presense, as if it were some mighty Slayer to our benighted Dragon of reason, when in fact it is a not-too-bright, slightly hungover Fly taunting the Swatter, zipping toward what it thinks is an open window…

    With just a hint of minty fresh Straw Person for the right troll finish — every the popular garnish for the ideologically rigid and mentally flaccid.

  103. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:18

    a not-too-bright, slightly hungover Fly taunting the Swatter, zipping toward what it thinks is an open window…

    …but is in fact a trompe l’oile window.

  104. Turbine Yukon Palin said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:22

    …but is in fact a trompe l’oile window.

    *tips hat*

  105. sagra said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:47

    Wow, kavalier. That’s disturbing.

  106. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:50

    NEW YORK, Nov. 10 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — The American Civil Liberties Union launched a new campaign today calling on President-elect Barack Obama to close the Guantanamo Bay prison and end the military commissions on Day One of his presidency.

    Obama, as a candidate, pledged to close Guantanamo, reject the Military Commissions Act and adhere to the Geneva Conventions. In a full page ad in the New York Times today, the ACLU urges Obama, as president, to fulfill those promises and immediately restore America’s moral leadership in the world.

    There is no room for patience or delay in these areas. We have to hold President-elect Obama s feet to the fire if we’re going to turn hope into reality, said Anthony D. Romero, Executive Director of the ACLU. We hope that President-elect Obama, as soon as he is sworn in, will take bold action and sign an executive order closing Guantanamo and ending the sham military commissions there. It is time to restore American values of justice, due process and human rights.

    Damn straight.

  107. OneMan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:53

    Stryx, pedestrian, Chairman, WereBear: tanks! It was driving me crazy.

    LTEiM: There have been a couple of knitting references in the billions & billions of comments over the last few days…I thought yours was another.

    Hey, maybe you were subconsciously referring to Mme. Defarge without even knowing it! Oooh, spooky.

    Or perhaps The Invisible Hand of the Almighty Sky Fairy was guiding you. *waggles eyebrows* Why do you hate America?

  108. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:57

    The American Civil Liberties Union launched a new campaign today calling on President-elect Barack Obama to close the Guantanamo Bay prison and end the military commissions on Day One of his presidency.

    I assume they’ve already called on Bush to do it and gotten laughed at (or more likely put on the no-fly list and wiretap docket).

  109. sagra said,

    November 10, 2008 at 20:58

    It seems to me their use of the designation “moderate Muslim” is the same way people once (’once’, commmonly that is) said, “good negro.” Or maybe “good Indian.”

    It was “clean negro” all through my childhood.

  110. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:06

    I assume they’ve already called on Bush to do it and gotten laughed at (or more likely put on the no-fly list and wiretap docket).

    “Who cares what you think?”
    - The First AWOL Cokehead

  111. Arky4That1 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:16

    Formally signify in public, by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments,

    Wow.

    Other historical comparisons aside, I wonder if she knows the Taliban wanted non-Muslims in Afghanistan to do this?

    I wonder if she knows … anything.

  112. OneMan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:18

    I’m waiting for Big-O to announce that he’s going to renounce the Unitary Executive philosophy and turn power back to Congress.

    Why no, I’m not holding my breath. Why do you ask?

    (and yes, I’m aware that the new administration is all set to change a bunch of the policies put in place by Bouche and his cronies and yes, that’s wonderful, as would be closing Guantanamo and the other black sites around the world. But I am a liberal, after all, and thus never satisfied.)

  113. Djur said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:18

    Arky:

    Wow. Other historical comparisons aside, I wonder if she knows the Taliban wanted non-Muslims in Afghanistan to do this?

    D. Aristophanes:

    We’ve added a few of our own to Robert Spencer’s — see if you can tell which ones

    Come on.

  114. alec said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:19

    Ah, Amy. When we thought you couldn’t be any nastier a human being, you decided to put Dhimmitude Alert on your desktop. (It warns you when any responsible Westerner sees a brown man with a beard.)

    The antigasto fringe is a debate between ‘moderates’ who believe that if you jump through these giant, flaming razor hoops and/or become a phalangist Christian, you will no longer be a devious mud person for whom extraordinary rendition is too good and hardliners who consider Mahometans a recombo bacillus.

    They’re completely intolerable. The one good thing that can be said for them is that within the context of America, they don’t interact actively enough with day-to-day racism (no daily news about WOOGA BOOGA ASIAN YOUTH CRIME) to have any serious base of support, and in Europe (where they unfortunately have far too much role in the public debate) they’re openly aligned enough with overt fascists that no one outside of the right is obligated to give a shit what they say.

  115. Smut Clyde said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:20

    The ACLU are merely doing the bidding of their sinister world-government puppet-masters at Amnesty International.
    Since I joined AI, I get to fly in the black helicopters sometimes.

  116. alec said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:22

    I’m waiting for Big-O to announce that he’s going to renounce the Unitary Executive philosophy and turn power back to Congress.

    Why no, I’m not holding my breath. Why do you ask?

    (and yes, I’m aware that the new administration is all set to change a bunch of the policies put in place by Bouche and his cronies and yes, that’s wonderful, as would be closing Guantanamo and the other black sites around the world. But I am a liberal, after all, and thus never satisfied.)

    The expansion of executive power is, unfortunately, something of a ratchet effect: I’m certain Bush’s ‘unitary executive’ horseshit will lose coherence, but the tools strapped to the office of the President post-9/11 – especially the least odious and obvious ones – will probably be stuck to it forever.

    Mind you, in the long run – that is to say, once the fucking Even Greater No-Coloreds-Allowed Revival ends – federal power being stronger than that of the states is generally a good thing. If there had been no wars between 1910 and 1950, it seems dubious that Eisenhower would have had a leg to stand on in forcing Alabama to desegregate its high schools.

  117. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:23

    What you so called “people” don’t understand is that these LIEbral Muslamofascists are secretly controlling the world via Arabian ownership of the Bilderburgers and Masonic fluorodation of our drinking water, defiling our precious bodily fluids. Muslins in the Kenyan Special Forces are controlling massive flocks of rabid pelicans via voodoo, as revealed on the side of Dr. Bronners peppermint soap. Reptilian aliens are controlling the political process in The Heartland via a network of tunnels 50 miles underground, which connect secret Pentagon military bases that are being built to take away our 2nd commandment rights. All of these “vias” are controlled by the Rothschilds and a synod of Jewish bankers who seek to enslave the Aryan race with compound interest and really cool pickup trucks. Our only hope is something too horrible to even think of, that being the destruction of civilization as we know it by a series of badger stampedes, which will result in the unfortunate but neccessary deaths of billions and the ruination of every man-made structure on the surface of the planet. I can only hope that your precious black Jesus will consult with his Maoist masters in Mecca and agree to this plan, to save those of us with deep underground bunkers. Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.

  118. stryx said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:26

    a network of tunnels 50 miles underground

    fukin’ badgers

  119. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:32

    Since I joined AI, I get to fly in the black helicopters sometimes.

    You lucky bastidge, the Illuminati won’t let me near the Nazi-surplus saucers since that little incident.

    It was just a small town, dammit. They were all probably Republicans anyway.

    I bet they even let you mutilate the cows. I’m not even allowed to say “cow” at my pay grade.

  120. Anonymous said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:38

    From a post on Free Republic,

    “On the Yahoo backup, one poster mentioned that Michelle didn’t offer her hand to greet the President. Just Obama and W exchanged greetings.”

    Anyone who was not raised in a barn, who had parents who tried to teach their kids some manners, knows what happened here. Granted, etiquette has become much more relaxed in my lifetime, but that doesn’t mean Mrs. Obama has to reach out and gladhand Bush as if she were a used car salesman.

    Idiots. These Freepers are idiots.

  121. alec said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:39

    I bet they even let you mutilate the cows. I’m not even allowed to say “cow” at my pay grade.

    When I first read this I heard ‘say ‘cow’ at my gay parade’ and oh god I’ve said too much

  122. alec said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:41

    Anyone who was not raised in a barn, who had parents who tried to teach their kids some manners, knows what happened here. Granted, etiquette has become much more relaxed in my lifetime, but that doesn’t mean Mrs. Obama has to reach out and gladhand Bush as if she were a used car salesman.

    To ze freepers, ve are all ze yoost-auto seelz-mann. Ve are ein folk von schopkeeperen, ya?

  123. g said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:42

    Shorter –

    “Stand up in public and disavow every bad thing ever done by any brown person from the beginning of time, and I’ll grudgingly try to treat you like a normal person.”

    such an offer. I don’t know why more people don’t jump at it.

  124. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:42

    the Illuminati won’t let me near the Nazi-surplus saucers since that little incident.

    Uh-huh.

    http://www.abc15.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=DA856BF0-E039-4A0B-8D5C-66BC5FF51E75&gsa=true

  125. Erik W. said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:46

    … and in Europe (where they unfortunately have far too much role in the public debate) they’re openly aligned enough with overt fascists that no one outside of the right is obligated to give a shit what they say.

    Sadly no. I know at least one swedish leftist writer (who once sang the praise of comrade Enver Hoxha) who has regular Spenglerian freakouts about the muslim menace on his blog,

  126. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:49

    Since I joined AI, I get to fly in the black helicopters sometimes.

    Hey, was that you in the copter hovering over me as I went home from work Friday? I waved.

  127. PeeJ said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:49

    Djur:

    henry lewis: Undoubtedly. But there seem to be people here who actually thought Amy Alkon was advocating crescent badges for Muslims while simultaneously demanding that they abstain from singling out a religious minority, etc.

    Djur you poor sweet naif. It’s completely believable that she wrote it so It’s clearly something she could have said. It doesn’t matter whether she actually wrote it or not. QED

  128. alec said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:50

    Sadly no. I know at least one swedish leftist writer (who once sang the praise of comrade Enver Hoxha) who has regular Spenglerian freakouts about the muslim menace on his blog,

    “On one hand, I’m supposed to be concerned about the dignity and well-being of all of mankind. On the other hand, oh my God, Arabs!!!”

    These people have never made sense to me. I mean, I can understand getting too hung up on your tutelage in race-hate to actually live up to your ideology, but it’s still viscerally disgusting to me. Christopher Hitchens disgusting.

  129. T. Hussein. said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:51

    That’s the Rugged I come back time and time again for!

  130. bobbyp said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:56

    Come on. You guys put #3 in there. Admit it.

  131. PeeJ said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:59

    The American Civil Liberties Union launched a new campaign today calling on President-elect Barack Obama to close the Guantanamo Bay prison and end the military commissions on Day One of his presidency. blah blah blah

    And as you can see, not only has the president been demoted to a position under the constitution. But the vice-president (as shown by the red arrow) has had his own fourth branch revoked and been reassigned to the executive branch …

    Of course he’ll do it, too. Those anti-American radicals have already made the outrageous claim that the President is positioned below the Constitiution in the government.

  132. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 21:59

    The one I still can’t get over, and the one that apparently *actually was written by these knobs*, was #4.

    “Either clearly define what you mean by ‘terrorism’ and ‘innocent’, even though our own politicians don’t even have to bother that much for the past eight years of yammering about terror, or you’re an extremist radical here to kill our Christian babies and put it into your Islamic bread!”

    Motherfuckers, can’t a person denounce terror and the slaughter of innocents like any common fucking person in peace?

  133. alec said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:11

    This is the encyclopedia I was looking for.

    Read it and weep, indecent decadent Eastern peaceocrats.

  134. Smut Clyde said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:14

    You lucky bastidge, the Illuminati won’t let me near the Nazi-surplus saucers since that little incident.
    It was just a small town, dammit. They were all probably Republicans anyway.

    Chem-trails are not a toy. They are especially not for sky-writing “Buck Fush” high over Nebraska in letters so large that even the short-sighted badgers could read them.

  135. actor212 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:17

    Yep, Amy definitely didn’t write this herself.

    You say that as if we should care…

  136. actor212 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:19

    I love King Louis trying to escape through a trompe l’oi door, and exclaiming, “Who built this place?”

    This is, indeed, why that bit with Bush going thru a phony door in China was so juice.

  137. actor212 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:23

    Granted, etiquette has become much more relaxed in my lifetime, but that doesn’t mean Mrs. Obama has to reach out and gladhand Bush as if she were a used car salesman.

    FReepers don’t even know protocol and etiquette.

    From Emily Post:

    Gentlemen always shake hands when they are introduced to each other. Ladies rarely do so with gentlemen who are introduced to them; but they usually shake hands with other ladies, if they are standing near together. All people who know each other, unless merely passing by, shake hands when they meet.

    Fucking FReepers. They’re fucking FRENCH!

  138. Smut Clyde said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:25

    What would the French know about etiquette. They probably don’t even have a word for it.

  139. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:28

    Chem-trails are not a toy.

    The Double Bilderburgers with cheese have instituted a program of psychosis-inducing chem-trails that will make us all think that the last 8 years were a product of our over-active imaginations, and then they’ll start all over again.

  140. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:31

    The Double Bilderburgers with cheese

    In France they’re known as the “Royals with cheese”.

  141. MaryRC said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:37

    Oh, and if the tears topping your schadenfreude pie haven’t been sweet enough, this little snippet might just put you into sugar-shock.

    Freepers are bailing on Fox, because, yes, it’s too librul.

    Glenn Beck moved to Fox just as they’re losing their audience?

    Truly, my cup runneth over.

  142. another jim said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:42

    All 15 are added, right?

    No, really – she didn’t actually sincerely type any of those, right?

  143. noen said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:42

    Just because Amy Alkon didn’t write what I clearly thought she wrote doesn’t mean she couldn’t have written what I didn’t see.

    I need more Merlot.

  144. dave said,

    November 10, 2008 at 22:46

    smut clyde FTW!

  145. tigrismus said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:02

    Oh great, we lose the America’s Cup to some Antipodean AGAIN(um, do wash it before you use it). Which again causes me to wonder: why do you people hate feet so much?

  146. actor212 said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:15

    The Double Bilderburgers with cheese

    In France they’re known as the “Royals with cheese”.

    Shouldn’t that be Royal avec fromage?

  147. Pere Ubu said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:20

    Hey! I got bit by a dog! I had to go to the hospital! I was bleeding to death! I can’t solve every little problem you have!

    That has to be one of Elaine’s lines.

  148. Northern Observer said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:33

    Mohammed is the prophet of Satan.
    Everything else is commentary.
    Act accordingly.

  149. Satan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:37

    Mohammed is the prophet of Satan.

    Hey, I’ve been paying that Jeebus guy to do my PR for me, and now I find out he’s been pocketing the spondulix and sloughing it off on some “Mohammed” guy?

    Christ, you just can’t get good help these days.

  150. Christ said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:42

    It wasn’t in the contract. I thought you were a better lawyer than that?

  151. Djur said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:43

    No, really – she didn’t actually sincerely type any of those, right?

    Nope, she didn’t type them. But she did cut and paste them from Jihad Watch, as D. Aristophanes explains.

  152. Mohammed said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:46

    Why is everyone picking on me? I’m offering 72 virgins, can you top that J.C.? What do you have, an eternity of singing alleluia with Jerry Falwell? Nilla please.

  153. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:47

    why do you people hate feet so much?

    LOLz!

  154. Satan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:48

    “It wasn’t in the contract. I thought you were a better lawyer than that?”

    Back when we wrote that contract, there were no lawyers. Now I’m up to my eyeballs in the buggers.

  155. Satan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:49

    “Why is everyone picking on me? I’m offering 72 virgins…”

    I TOLD you. People want experience. 72 sluts is just a better offer.

  156. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:51

    Man, Iblis is going to be pissed that he was passed up for an older dude.

  157. Satan said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:52

    I’ve got Falwell down here getting ass raped by 72 virgins with giant strap-ons all at the same time. The gallery is packed.. hummmfff..

  158. comsympinko said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:54

    “15. Formally signify in public, by means of an easily recognized badge or token on the outer garments, that you are a moderate Muslim who remains in this country at our pleasure, an inexhaustive supply of which is not likely to be found here should you backslide towards bullying and marginalizing those not like yourself in ridiculous displays of terrified pique.”

    I used to think that she was just kind of a bigoted idiot who didn’t really mean any harm but that is one of the most dangerous sentences I’ve ever seen.

    Replace “muslim” with “jew” and you’ve got crazy, frothing-at-the mouth racism straight out of the pages of the Volkischer Beobachter.

    She is seriously calling for a return to the practice of wearing racial/religious/sexual symbols as a means of publicly identifying “the other”

    What could possibly go wrong?

  159. Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico said,

    November 10, 2008 at 23:57

    15 is a joke, guys.

  160. Smut Clyde said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:00

    Which again causes me to wonder: why do you people hate feet so much?
    Ha. Where are the Podes, anyway?

    A 14th-century map in the British Museum shows that the South is inhabited by “Antipodes extasi saltantes octenos habent digitos”. My man John Livingston Lowes translates this as “the Antipodes, who dance in ecstasy and have sixteen fingers”. This explains much about us, including our talent for programming in assembly language, since hex arithmetic comes naturally to us.
    Our neighbours include the Troglodytes, the Virgogici, the Monoculi and the Androphagi (humanas edunt carnes), whom modern scholars identify with the Aussies.

  161. Cthulhu said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:00

    Why is everyone picking on me? I’m offering 72 virgins, can you top that J.C.?

    Oh, shit, were those yours?

    *burrrrrrrp*

    Oh, hey, I’ve got some Fungi from Yuggoth and shantaks I can fix you up with to replace ‘em… just say the word.

  162. alec said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:02

    Why is everyone picking on me? I’m offering 72 virgins, can you top that J.C.? What do you have, an eternity of singing alleluia with Jerry Falwell? Nilla please.

    Sucky-sucky, backdoor action, whatever you desire.

  163. Smut Clyde said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:03

    some Fungi from Yuggoth
    I made you a joke about Hasturbation, but Nyarlothotep eated it.

  164. actor212 said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:10

    I’ve got Falwell down here getting ass raped by 72 virgins with giant strap-ons all at the same time.

    Damn. It’s also worth tempting eternal damnation to watch that…

  165. Just Alison said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:30

    Just in case nobody’s mentioned it yet, Leviticus is chock-full of fun for all the family, including the pets.

    And for anyone who wants to brush up on their Testaments Old and Newish, The Brick Testament on laws is a good way to do it – Teh Bibble in Lego! My favourite is Joshua, I think: with the spies and the prostitute and the second circumcision, how can you go wrong? I particularly love some of the expressions in the latter, but I’m not sure why Yahweh appears to be wearing an eggshell hat.

  166. Just Alison said,

    November 11, 2008 at 0:38

    And apropos of the shit moat, she’s not the first – most mediaeval garderobes simply discharged their contents into the moat, adding to the, uh, deterrent effect.

    Seriously. The middle ages held worse terrors than the Black Death.

  167. Tommmcatt said,

    November 11, 2008 at 1:08

    “On the Yahoo backup, one poster mentioned that Michelle didn’t offer her hand to greet the President. Just Obama and W exchanged greetings.”

    It is common knowledge that one does not shake the hand of the President of the United States unless the president extends his or her hand for that purpose.

  168. Doctorb said,

    November 11, 2008 at 1:49

    Shitmoat enthusiast and Cruella DeVille impersonator Amy Alkon also writes:

    Alice Walker is suddenly an unelected, self-appointed advisor to our head of state.

    Which is hilarious to me, because the tiny portion of her blog which isn’t cut and pasted from other writers or introductions of the same is, well, advice.
    From an Advice Goddess. To belabor the point, an unelected, self-appointed advisor to everyone.

  169. justme said,

    November 11, 2008 at 1:50

    adding to the, uh, deterrent effect.

    That’s. Not. A. Turtle.

  170. Pere Ubu said,

    November 11, 2008 at 1:51

    one does not shake the hand of the President of the United States unless the president extends his scaly claw-like member soaked with the blood of thousands for that purpose

    Fixed your typo.

  171. Doctorb said,

    November 11, 2008 at 1:59

    Actually she’s against religions in general, I think. So she gets points for consistency, but then again, consistently being obnoxious about stuff is not that great.

  172. actor212 said,

    November 11, 2008 at 2:54

    The middle ages held worse terrors than the Black Death.

    I’m fifty. She’s right.

  173. Adara said,

    November 11, 2008 at 3:10

    Djur–Indeed, that is what I was referring to.
    Frankly, Mooser, circumcision didn’t even come to mind.

  174. Just Alison said,

    November 11, 2008 at 3:23

    That’s. Not. A. Turtle.

    Oh, the horror! Just imagine getting halfway across the moat and finding an intruder in your armour.

  175. Ed Marshall said,

    November 11, 2008 at 4:07

    Actually she’s against religions in general, I think. So she gets points for consistency, but then again, consistently being obnoxious about stuff is not that great.

    Well, she’s a secular Jew and I could make a list just like this (and I mean the real list) by cherry picking out the Talmud and rabbinic commentary. It would be just as stupid, and Shit Moat wouldn’t touch it with a ten-pole pole.

  176. Doctorb said,

    November 11, 2008 at 4:26

    Yabbut “secular Jew” is just a flavor of atheist. It’s simply a matter of not believing in a different religion, so you could just find a list of terrible things that atheists have done throughout history (the Moral Majority types love to compile and forward such a list), or things free market libertarians have done, or whatever, and demand that she condemn, like, the Great Leap Forward and the Irish Potato Famine. Or whatever.

    I think Julian Perez made the point really well at 11:47.

  177. Ed Marshall said,

    November 11, 2008 at 5:31

    Ehh, I dunno. I don’t think it’s the same thing. I bet Amy has all sorts of opinions about Israel that wouldn’t fit at all with a generic atheist.

  178. Nurse Dammistletoe Celebrates-Massacre the Cia Agent said,

    November 11, 2008 at 6:29

    D. Aristophanes gets maximum trolling credit for spelling out exactly what he was doing and having people get outraged over it.

  179. Another Kiwi said,

    November 11, 2008 at 6:45

    “the Antipodes, who dance in ecstasy and have sixteen fingers”

    That’s just inbreeding in the National Party heartland.

  180. chocolatepie said,

    November 12, 2008 at 0:25

    Dickipedia doesn’t have an entry for Norm Coleman? I denounce this so-called “wiki.”

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