The fact is, human flatus contains methane, which is a significant contributor to global warming. Homofecal intercourse weakens the anal sphincter, contributing to the release of greenhouse gases.

If liberals really cared about fighting global warming (instead of just bankrupting the coal industry), they would be celebrating Proposition 8 instead of fighting to have it overturned by activist judges.

It’s the shiny metal ass that does it for me. I’d had no idea, but I should have guessed it.

Colt Ruger Hunter, KBE

I thought it was “Cody,” not “Colt.” Cody Ruger Hunter KBE, Hammer of the Jews.

In any case, it came as a result of this (search for “Ruger”).

Hooray for me!
Please note that after all that work, I think I only managed about half as witty as:
Hanson the Red, OBE, VC, DSM-IV…

That’s fucking subtle genius that is.

It reminded me of one of those damn conversations Djur and I had in which we established that the British aristocracy is just the Palin family given good luck and time.

This was, of course, before Palin became nationally visible, so we didn’t have her beautiful children to name our hypothetical American nobleman after. We had to go with ‘Colt Ruger Hunter, KBE’.

That’s fucking subtle genius that is.

VDH Part 10: Little Niggers

Not a word where the borrowing would ultimately come from, how it would be paid back, or how the indebted incurred their obligations in the first place.

Hey Asshole, who dug this fucking hole in the ground in the first place?
Oh, that’s right – it was your fucking guy.

George Bush — through the beheadings, the kidnappings, Abu Ghraib, the hysteria of a Richard Clark, Joe Wilson, Anonymous, Rathergate, the 9/11 Commission, CIA rogue analysts, cheap European slurs, insane remarks from Walter Cronkite to Bill Moyers, and last-minute media fabricated “scandals” — has never faltered, so confident was he in the exceptionalism of America and the unshakeable resolve and competence of the U.S. military.

Conservatism is such a nasty disease, that curing the symptoms of it (a nation off the rails and sinking fast) is expensive. But maybe if you stopped peeing yourself everytime you saw some one with skin darker than kraft paper – you woulda noticed that the shitbag conservatives you lurve so much were spending the US into the poorhouse. Maybe if you took your fucking ideological blinders off for a second you might have noticed:
2000 – last year of Democratic Administration – record budget surplus
2001 – first year of Bush – deficit
2002-2004 – Bush – every year a new record for size of deficit.
2005-2008 – Bush Term 2 – every year deficit. Raised the debt limit repeatedly.

So I guess the proper response to a conservative when he talks about fiscal restraint is “EAT A BAG OF DICKS“

Also, PROTIP for VDH: Lurn 2 speeling “incompetent”. Accusing others of being incompents? Fucking delicious irony, that is.

Which is pretty funny considering his field of expertise, as so ably spotlighted by Susan of Texas.

Yup. He goes to ridiculous lengths to whitewash it, indicating that he’s fully conscious of it – one of Dolan/Brecher’s favorite bits is comparing the brutal but relatively practical nature of classical warfare (lots of rape, murder, and frank injustice) with the sort of Eternal Crusade for Civilization Hanson periodically projects onto the past to support his own pony in the present.

300, which I’ve referenced tangentially, was written and directed with Hanson as the primary historical consultant. His advice involved hetero-ing up the Spartans (hilarious in light of their marital custom, which had the bride shave and lay in the dark, under the probably justified belief that after twenty years in the barracks sleeping with something that was clearly not another man would be strange and terrifying for the poor youth), making them peach-white, middle-American brunettes and blondes (300 is better than usual in this regard, but only by accident) and projecting American butch onto men who put on oils, fancy dress, and periwigs to psych up for battle.

And, of course, the Persians had to become decadent, dusky (in history no darker or lighter than the Greeks, by evidence) queers, despotic monsters bent on subverting Civilization. The fact that most of what we identify as ‘civilization’ has more root in the Zoroastrian canon as the pre-Athenian-hegemonic goes unnoticed; the Persians are not just barbarians at the gates but faggy, dusky defilers.

Hanson at every turn cheapened the past by turning it into a little America, complete with a ridiculous parody of al Qaeda and the USSR mixed together in generous portions, putting in the mouths of people who were so short on words we continue to call succinct speakers by their name grand speeches in favor of Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Add great oil-and-CGI-enhanced human muscle clusters flying at each other in loving slow motion for two hours and you’ve got something which couldn’t more strongly appeal to your RiM-style confused fascist closet cases more.

I’m by no respect an expert in the classics, and people who are (both on ancient Greece and the ancient Cradle of Civilization, both of which VDH maligns hideously) have even more to say about this shit than I do. But I know history when I see it, and this is just third-rate keyfabe blown up to silver-screen dimensions. I’m just glad that he’s no longer relevant to anyone, a dog without a master left to cue him to bark.

VDH Part 8: Victor Takes Manhattan

Who cares whether the royal House of Saud is happy over the election, or those in the Iranian parliament or the activists of Hezbollah?

Back to back agreements with VDH. I’m going neo-con! This time I have no qualification on my agreement, although John “If Senator Obama is favored by Hamas I think people can make judgments accordingly” McCain might disagree.

I strongly suspect this is one of those cases of damning with faint praise, or raising an issue illegitimately by claiming it to be irrelevant. It’s something right-wing sleazebags like quite a bit (‘Well, of course Obama isn’t a Muslim and nothing about his poorly-understood biography conclusively proves him to be a Muslim, but people are talking about it.’) and the entire ‘the left is rooting for the evil Hezbians, is can be concentration camp time plz?’ routine is something near and dear to his cancerous heart.

VDH Part 7: Even blind Advent Children can find a mana potion every now and then.
I’m skipping this one on the basis that I also think the media has a fucked-up relationship with John Sidney McCain the Third, now melanoma-free. Although if he really wants to have an argument about media bias against JiSM3 this election, then he should do a little research into how many people were riding the tire swing.

VDH Part 8: Victor Takes Manhattan

Who cares whether the royal House of Saud is happy over the election, or those in the Iranian parliament or the activists of Hezbollah?

Back to back agreements with VDH. I’m going neo-con! This time I have no qualification on my agreement, although John “If Senator Obama is favored by Hamas I think people can make judgments accordingly” McCain might disagree.

Thanks for that. Most amusing.

Which is pretty funny considering his field of expertise, as so ably spotlighted by Susan of Texas.

Poise: pallin’ around with terrorists, because Dems think that they’re the good guys.

Yeah, my favorite part of the whole thing was split between the dignity and poise involved in trying to menace bloggers, considering a disloyal librarian a threat to the great state of Alaska, and that thing where she faked a Minnesota accent to convince us she was as mouth-breathingly stupid as us real Americans.