Comments on: Get Ben Shapiro Laid!

By: Matt O.

Matt O. — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 16:44:17 +0000

I wonder what kind of “research” Ben conducted, or if his upcoming book is merely a memoir.

By: punched

punched — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 03:16:31 +0000

http://www.monsitexxx.com/fetiche/astromag/pissing/plumpers/pissing-panties-videos.html billydriverseducing

By: John E Thelin

John E Thelin — Tue, 24 May 2005 11:28:02 +0000

when they go out on their fist date.

Lovely typo, yet oddly appropriate.(I’d say something about it going down in the annals of classic typos, but I fear I’d typo that.)

By: Hemlock Echo

Hemlock Echo — Tue, 24 May 2005 11:25:40 +0000

I think the contest is a little unfair, since #5 is Ben, #1 is his mother, and #3 is Ben with duct tape and carpet squares.

I suppose #3 will do.

By: Hysterical Woman

Hysterical Woman — Tue, 24 May 2005 11:12:43 +0000

I’d like to order him a #3. She’s probably used to Republicians anyway.

By: Vestal Vespa

Vestal Vespa — Tue, 24 May 2005 08:44:14 +0000

Actually, there are special devices for quadraplegics. I had a psych professor who had done some work with one of the suicide hotlines, and one of the guys who would call every now and then, was a quadraplegic who would start talking dirty to whoever was on the line, and apparently he had a special suction device that was rather loud.

Well. You learn something new every day.

By: suburban refugee

suburban refugee — Tue, 24 May 2005 04:14:54 +0000

As for little Ben, I’d suggest the personal ads in one of the free papers here in Seattle. I’m sure there’s some hippie dominatrix who would show Ben what a liberal agenda can really do to soft Republican flesh.

By: Vestal Vespa

Vestal Vespa — Tue, 24 May 2005 04:02:16 +0000

Does Ben at least masturbate? Lack of periodic masturbating can lead to prostrate cancer later in life. I’m not kidding. (the best medical news I’ve heared in years)

Posted by Davis at May 21, 2005 08:13 PM

How on earth did they find people who hadn’t masturbated? Did they study quadraplegics?

By: Darth Syphilis

Darth Syphilis — Tue, 24 May 2005 02:56:03 +0000

I vote for #3 or Courtney Love.

By: kiche

kiche — Tue, 24 May 2005 01:36:03 +0000

while these are all interesting candidates that i am sure mr. shapiro would no doubt love, i am going to have to go with contestant number 2.

i really think that getting pile drived with a strap on is ben’s thing after reading his columns and seeing his picture.

By: (: Tom :)

(: Tom :) — Mon, 23 May 2005 23:35:14 +0000

I suggest a dark-horse candidate: Ben should get it on with Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six.

Hey, she’s just as likely as any of the other contestants to be willing to deflower Ben. If the money’s right. Say – are you putting a fund together to pay for one of these lovelies to take Ben on? You might need to if you want to make this a reality-based event…

By: George Johnston

George Johnston — Mon, 23 May 2005 22:50:59 +0000

Maybe Ben wants to play altar boy with a Catholic priest. Perhaps Santorum can introduce him to a dog and Bush can introduce him to a horse…

By: WoodrowFan

WoodrowFan — Mon, 23 May 2005 20:33:28 +0000

#2. Just make her promise she’ll at least give him a reach around.

By: GuinessGuy

GuinessGuy — Mon, 23 May 2005 13:19:06 +0000

I don’t think #2 will work. If she tries to do Ben up the ass with a strap-on, she’s likely to drive his permanently-implanted stick right through his intestinal wall.

So much the better…
Seriously though- we should hook Bennie boy up with a girl from Hannidate. During the date, we slip them some E and watch some nice, unpracticed feeling and grabbing as the lovebirds hit Ben’s mother’s station wagon.

By: Dorothy

Dorothy — Mon, 23 May 2005 12:52:15 +0000

I don’t think #2 will work. If she tries to do Ben up the ass with a strap-on, she’s likely to drive his permanently-implanted stick right through his intestinal wall.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 23 May 2005 09:33:40 +0000

You’d be better off setting him up with someone from JDate

By: The Dark Avenger

The Dark Avenger — Mon, 23 May 2005 08:03:13 +0000

he doesn’t need a dominatrix yelling at him

And he’d confuse that with having been yelled at by a Jewish mother since he could understand human speech.

#2, and she should slip him a little powdered Viagra into his Shirley Temple when they go out on their fist date.

If not her:

Howbout a reality series involving a rock-star’s widow and her entry into the exciting world of undercover police work, while Ben blogs and asks himself if the shiksha would really keep kosher for him…….

Yes, it’s Get Courtney Love!

Executive Producer: Anntichrist Coulter

Bass sent to 12

A Quinn Martin Production!

By: Amanda Marcotte

Amanda Marcotte — Sun, 22 May 2005 22:41:41 +0000

I vote for #5, because blow jobs behind dumpsters is something that Ben may actually be good at. Hey, the College Republicans gotta pass the time somehow.

By: Christopher

Christopher — Sun, 22 May 2005 18:34:57 +0000

I gotta go with #4, because, quite frankly, I think the rest of them would destroy him.

And frankly, he has enough sexual neuroses that I think he should start off with a fairly normal, um, girl. I mean, he’s already pretty terrified of sex, so he doesn’t need a dominatrix yelling at him. That can come later.

By: Honey

Honey — Sun, 22 May 2005 13:36:14 +0000

I’d go with 2. But then, I’m guessing a LOT of women want to stick things up this kid’s ass.