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Oct
27

Aa-Ha-Ha-Haaaa!




Posted at 22:26 by Gavin M.

Senator Stevens Convicted of All Seven Felony Counts


Above: Seven! Seven counts!

77 Comments »

  1. stogoe said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:29

    Oh, I can taste the schaudenfreude. Delicious!

  2. mikey said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:31

    Hey Ted, don’t sweat it.

    Nobody serving out with you is gonna want ANYTHING to do with your wrinkled, leaky old ass.

    ‘Course, you do have some money so you’re going to be a target, but it’s liable to be a lot worse than just playin catcher for the home team…

    mikey

    hee hee

  3. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:32

    That just proves seven times over that he’s been cleared of the charges.

    /Palin

  4. J— said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:33

    For the last three years, Barack Obama has served with Ted Stevens in the Senate. Do we want to elect as President a man who pals around with convicted felons?

  5. NobodySpecial said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:34

    Damned liberal judicial activists.

  6. gocart mozart said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:34

    What if he still gets re-elected?!

  7. noen said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:35

    Oh god, more schaudenfreude? Please, I’m full. What? It’s wafer thin? …….

  8. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:36

    Surprising. Not the verdict, but how soon it came. I thought they were still bogged down in replacing that juror.

  9. J— said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:37

    AP, ATF, skinheads, Obama, blacks, guns.

  10. Mephisto said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:38

    But is felonious fraud considered more of a truck, or more of a series of tubes?

  11. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:39

    Not so much a series of tubes, as a series of bars.

  12. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:41

    …is felonious fraud considered more of a truck, or more of a series of tubes?

    Truck, I’d say, although in this case seven freight trains crashing into your car all at once is probably the best metaphor.

  13. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:44

    Not so much a series of tubes, as a series of bars.

    LOLz!

    So – that’s that for Sen. Intertubes. Is DeLay in prison yet?

  14. Jas said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:47

    2/3 vote of the Senate required to oust him if he still manages to get voted in. And given the Alaskan electorate, I’d not be terribly surprised.

  15. Kathleen said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:47

    whom among us does not have a $3k massage chair on loan from a friend for 8 years? Let him cast the first stone.

  16. Smut Clyde said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:48

    Good point, Kathleen. I still have the neighbour’s fish-smoker.

  17. Gavel Down said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:51

    No prison time required by the sentencing laws, and he can stay in the senate. Woo! Accountability!

    Good thing he wasn’t black, with a small amount of pot! Then he might actually have something to fear from the justice system!

  18. Woodrowfan said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:51

    This is good news for John McCain!

  19. dave said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:53

    Woodrowfan:

    No no no, this is excellent news! For Giuliani!

  20. Marco said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:54

    But a Halloween display features a hanging Palin! A Halloween display isn’t respectful or tasteful. Get over this Racist Plot/Stevens bullshit.

  21. Smut Clyde said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:56

    When Palin is arraigned for corruption, can we talk about a felony countess?

  22. justme said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:57

    Couldn’t happen to a nicer fuckwad.

    With any luck, he won’t get re-elected. I don’t suppose he’d be quite so effective a Senator after this, anyhow. Hopefully, that won’t be lost on Alaskans.

  23. Smut Clyde said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:58

    Also, someone needs to bring criminal charges against some of those religious figures up in Alaska.
    [Insert "Felonious Monk" joke here]

  24. chocolatepie said,

    October 27, 2008 at 22:59

    The senator, who is seeking re-election Nov. 4, isn’t required by law to give up his Senate seat. He can only be removed by a full Senate vote on a recommendation by its ethics committee.

    But if you steal from the till at McDonald’s, your ass is fired.

  25. The Goddamn Batman Reminds You That The Weed Of Crime Bears Bitter Fruit said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:00

    Oh Ted,
    Poor Ted,
    You’re going to jail
    And your campaign’s dead.

  26. A fruit fly in Paris said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:01

    I kid you not!

  27. Legalize said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:03

    1 … 2… 3 … 4 … 5 … 5 Slaps! Ah ah ah ah.

  28. chrome agnomen said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:05

    don’t worry ted, a pardon is only a month or two away.

  29. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:06

    I think if he does get re-elected, kicking him out is going to be impossible. The GOP just won’t cooperate.

    Somebody needs to remind Alaskans that Stevens is hardly going to be effective at grabbing earmarks now, and without that pork Alaska would sink.

  30. J— said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:07

    When Palin is arraigned for corruption, can we talk about a felony countess?

    I hope so. And her good friends in the Alaska GOP, who harbor absolutely no hard feelings against her whatsoever, will certainly work hard to help her earn the title of Lady Yardbird of Alaska..

  31. Stephen Ockham said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:09

    Ah-hah-hah!

  32. bulbul said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:10

    When Palin is arraigned for corruption, can we talk about a felony countess?
    Sure, why not. Not the pun I had in mind, but sure, why not…

  33. Vic said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:12

    Now, the Republicans REALLY have us right where they want us! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!

  34. Loneoak said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:12

    without that pork Alaska would sink.

    It’s not very polite to speak of Sarah Palin that way.

  35. Lesly said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:12

    I love that pic.

  36. robert green said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:13

    gavin, you have won the intertubes.

    shut ‘er down, boys, she’s done all she can do.

  37. pendragon said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:15

    OMFG! I love this blog. 7 counts. Lol!

  38. Mister DNA said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:17

    I think if he does get re-elected, kicking him out is going to be impossible. The GOP just won’t cooperate.

    I tend to agree, but I think Stevens will step down once he’s re-elected so that he can play the “political persecution” card and save his party from having to vote against him.

  39. Loneoak said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:19

    Scenario: Stevens and Palin share prison cell at Leavenworth.

    Question: Who is the prison bitch?

  40. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:20

    I tend to agree, but I think Stevens will step down once he’s re-elected…

    Could be. Also, at his age, he can only serve 7 or 8 more Senate terms if he wants to retire before the Thurmond Limit.

  41. Sockpuppet #47 said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:34

    I kind of expect an awful lot of ballots cast in Alaska to be filled in with a vote for Palin, but no mark made for the senate seat..

  42. J— said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:34

    but I think Stevens will step down once he’s re-elected

    If this were to happen, guess who would name his replacement in the Senate.

  43. ahem said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:37

    Someone at Swampland raised this possibility: the GOP might dump Stevens if he survives, if Mooselini were to appoint herself as replacement.

  44. Mister DNA said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:40

    If this were to happen, guess who would name his replacement in the Senate.

    Which only means things are going to get even better down the line.

  45. J— said,

    October 27, 2008 at 23:58

    Bob Owens has an email updater set up so that he’ll be one of the first to hear when federal authorities put up for auction Stevens’ Viking gas grill.

  46. noen said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:02

    Scenario: Stevens and Palin share prison cell at Leavenworth.
    Question: Who is the prison bitch?

    I’m sure it won’t be Sara. She strikes me as a top.

  47. David Robinson said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:04

    If he steps down or is kicked out of the Senate by a 2/3 majority vote, Alaska law dictates that there would have to be a special election.

  48. "Megaphone" Mark Slackmeyer said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:05

    That’s GUILTY! GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!

  49. J— said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:11

    Thanks for the info, David Robinson. According to the Anchorage Daily News, that provision was put in after Alaskans was subjected to an act of nepotism that was too much even for them.

    If Stevens is re-elected after a conviction but then resigns from the Senate or is expelled, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin would be required to call a special election.

    That’s a relatively new provision in state law, driven when former U.S. Sen. Frank Murkowski won the gubernatorial race in 2002 and then appointed his daughter, Lisa Murkowski, to his seat.

    Alaska residents were upset with what they saw as nepotism. A voter initiative ended gubernatorial appointments to vacancies in 2004, the same year Murkowski successfully won her first full term in the Senate by defeating former Gov. Tony Knowles.

    Anchorage Daily News (9/1/08).

  50. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:21

    …that provision was put in after Alaskans was subjected to an act of nepotism that was too much even for them.

    Then it is teh awesome that it would stop Palin from appointing one of her high school buddies. Hee hee hee!

  51. Smut Clyde said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:33

    I kind of wish that Goober would comment more on gubernatorial politics; it would be like a Harmonic Convergence.
    “Gubernaculum” is my favourite anatomical term evah.

  52. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:36

    “Gubernaculum” is my favourite anatomical term evah.

    Wow, cool! I had never heard that word before, nor the even more teh awesum phrase gubernaculum degenerates.

    If I were to guess what it was before I looked it up, I’d have thought gubernaculum would be that dried crust that forms overnight in your nose when you have hay fever.

  53. goober said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:39

    You raaaaaaang?

  54. Lesley said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:43

    Best graphic and caption ever.

  55. David Robinson said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:43

    from Wingnut site Polipundit:

    15:

    Exactly. GOP voters were stupied to renoinate him. He will lose to Begich-D next week. Good riddance to Sen. Birdge-to-Nowhere!

    Comment by OH Conservative | 10/27/2008 – 6:36 pm

  56. Lesley said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:47

    Btw, how soon before Republicans proportionally outnumber others in the US prison population, and will it need to build a special wing to house them all?

  57. Smut Clyde said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:52

    OMG Lesley wants to round up Republicans and place them all in re-education camps! More proof of S,N! hate-crime!

  58. Snarki, child of Loki said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:54

    I imagine the Senate Ethics committee will have something to say; and Stevens (should!) lose all committee assignments.

    But, wow, if Steven survives the election, at least until January the Senate will have:

    Stevens convicted felon
    Vitter guilty of sex crimes, unindicted, off on technicality
    Craig guilty of sex crimes, convicted

    That’s like a little “criminal caucus” or something. Well, okay, the entire GOP is a criminal caucus, but this is *blatant*

  59. tigrismus said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:59

    OMG Lesley wants to round up Republicans and place them all in re-education camps!

    Don’t forget the forced dashiki-wearing.

  60. noen said,

    October 28, 2008 at 0:59

    60 seats in the Senate here we come!

  61. buskertype said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:00

    Is it possible to keep a senate seat while in prison? don’t they have a jail cell at the capitol, and can they keep him there during the week? That would be excellent news for Giuliani indeed.

  62. noen said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:01

    Btw, how soon before Republicans proportionally outnumber others in the US prison population, and will it need to build a special wing to house them all?

    Are we still using that little prison complex down by Cuba?

  63. Loneoak said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:04

    You better believe that Stevens, Vitter and Craig will sponsor some “Ethics and Family Values” bill. And then we will have an awesome S,N! post. I look forward to the day.

  64. The King of Eight said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:08

    Well, I’m the King of Eight
    And I’m here to state
    That my favorite number
    Is the num –

    Wait, how many counts?

  65. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:10

    More proof of S,N! hate-crime!

    Hmmmm…. I had been thinking of voting for Obama, but now that I’ve seen the cesspool of hate that is the Left, I’m reconsidering.

    Oh, damn. I already voted for him! Curse you, early voting!

  66. Tor Johnson said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:16

    Bela, how many Tors?!

  67. Smut Clyde said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:18

    Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
    It suddenly occurs to me how much more productive Clark Ashton Smith would have been, if he had had access to JanusNode to generate the names of his deities.

  68. MzNicky said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:21

    Scenario: Stevens and Palin share prison cell at Leavenworth.
    Question: Who is the prison bitch?

    They would be housed in separate facilities, as males and females don’t share cells.

  69. mikey said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:22

    Is it really Wordpress after all this time that sucks canal water, or is it the Sadlies themselves who just suck at Wordpress.

    Ace of Spades doesn’t seem to have these problems.

    Just Sayin…

    mikey

  70. Lesley said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:32

    OMG Lesley wants to round up Republicans and place them all in re-education camps! More proof of S,N! hate-crime!

    No fair, Smut Clyde.

    A re-education camp is an entirely different kettle of fish to
    1) being charged with a crime under US law
    2) being convicted of said crime at a fair trial (at which your highly paid big falutin’ lawyer defended you)
    3) being sentenced for punishment in a US prison

    Although I can see how the wingnuts will call the trial unfair, the charges bogus, and the facility a re-education camp. Cuz there’s one law for you and me and another for Republicans.

  71. Andre said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:32

    Oh man, I so LOLed IRL at the counts.

  72. Smut Clyde said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:56

    After hearing the news, Governor Palin retired to her Gubernaculum, explaining that she required a period of solitary contemplation to consider her next step.

  73. Joe Max said,

    October 28, 2008 at 1:58

    And what timing! I’m sure the wingnuts are upset that the story has knocked their latest Devastating! Knockout! Bombshell! (“Breaking! AAR-OOOH AAR-OOOH! Must credit stupidity!”) of a nearly ten year-old geeky Obama NPR interview with the word “re-distribute” in it.

    A word to the Christopaths: you’re right, your failure IS THE WORK OF SATAN!!! BWAAAHAHAHAH! Better go pray some more.

  74. justme said,

    October 28, 2008 at 2:50

    Best graphic and caption ever.

    I didn’t think the Rachael Ray-Nuke/Spice Blow was toppable. I stand corrected.

    This one had me cackling with the twitching tard-claws, so I looked like some sort of meth-addled praying mantis.

  75. LanceThruster said,

    October 28, 2008 at 3:21

    1-2-3-4-5-6-SEVEN!

    Seven, seven, seven, seven, let’s sing a song about seven.

    How many is seven?

    One! – 1 felony count.

    Two! – 2 felony counts.

    Three! – 3 felony counts.

    Four! – 4 felony counts.

    Five! – 5 felony counts.

    Six! – 6 felony counts.

    Seven! – 7 felony counts!

    I LOVE to count!

  76. Loneoak said,

    October 28, 2008 at 3:57

    They would be housed in separate facilities, as males and females don’t share cells.

    Well, duh, MzNicky. It’s an entirely fictional scenario. Lighten up and enjoy the schadenfreude a little.

  77. jim said,

    October 28, 2008 at 7:48

    Teh Count r0xx0rs my world!

    The GOP & felony convictions – joined at the hip.

    Short yet sweet – & even sweeter, I hear this goombah STILL intends to run, felonies & all. At this point he Democrats could run a sedated chinchilla against him & win from the sound of it. Whoever’s writing the campaign ads for his opponent is making some hella easy green.

    “Hmm, do we go with that clanky old quote about the “series of tubes” gaffe, or do we go with the convictions on those 7 felony counts? Decisions, decisions.”

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