Matt Furey seems like a pretty busy guy. Between teaching his “politically incorrect fitness” program (which presumably involves beating up immigrants) and learning the ancient art of Chinese kung-fu sex, I don’t know how he finds the time to be an internet millionaire. I guess some guys have it all (or at the very least, they have a bunch gullible Newsmax readers who send them money).
Anyway, let’s take a look at “Mr. Ultimate Fitness’” latest letter:
Dear Fellow Adventurer,
That’s a pretty gay way to start off a letter, Matt, and it makes me doubt your supposed hyper-hetero sexual magnetism.
If your work life is at all like most, you get up each morning, shower, get dressed, grab a cup of coffee and a bit of grub – then you get in your car and drive to work. Eight or more hours later you leave your job and as you fight through the rush-hour traffic to get home, you think about how much you hate your job and how you would gladly give it up in a heartbeat … if you simply knew of a better way to make a living … preferably doing something you love.
And since Matt’s already cornered the “scamming Newsmax rubes” market, he’s probably gonna recommend a different career path for the rest of us.
Back in 1995, when I lived out in the wild, WILD west coast of Caifor-ny-yay and was busting my hump day and night as a personal fitness trainer, I logged onto the Internet for the first time.
And after downloading some wild, WILD pornog-ro-fay and busting his hump, Matt started wondering if the Internets had other, non-masturbatory uses.
Had no earthly idea what this so-called Cyber-World was…
“…I was having enough trouble with those new-fangled TV Re-Mote Con-trols…”
…yet, a few months later, with the help of a friend who knew far more than myself, I had my own website … and was making money. Certainly nothing to brag about at first … yet, over time I used the Internet to make millions. And I did it from the comfort of my home, with no employees and no overhead.
“Yes, I scammed the morons at Newsmax and made millions… and you can too, if you buy my book!”
Now, just so you know, the money I have made on the Internet was not from some MLM or pyramid scheme. Nor from SPAM email sent to millions of people who don’t want to hear from me. Or even from selling Internet how-to courses.
Uhm, do I need to say “Sadly, No!” here, or is that too obvious?
Or from selling porno.
Well that’s good. That line of work didn’t work out too well for Mr. Gannon…
Nope, I’ve made my money selling “real products to real people.” And I can show you how to do the same, even if you don’t have your own product to sell. Even if you currently don’t own a website. Even if you don’t have a single idea about how you can use the Internet to make money.
“In fact, you can be illiterate, brain-damaged and missing ALL your limbs, and I can STILL show you how to make a FORTUNE!”
Now, do you want to know something mind-blowing? Today, I use very much the same structure as I did some 10 years ago. A structure for start-up Internet Success that I have NEVER revealed before … that you can easily model on your way to extraordinary success.
At this point, Matt tells us about the “amazing secrets of internet success” that are obvious to anyone over the age of six months. And because I’m a dick, I’m going to spill all of Matt’s secrets so Sadly, No! readers can start up their own websites and make a fortune:
For example, learn how, to this very day, you CAN ….
-Get a website for no cost – or incredibly low cost!
I.e., use Geocities.
-Pay zero dollars to have it built and/or maintained!
See also: Geocities.
Get an email program for free!
Get access to a computer, if you don’t have one, and use it to get started … again, absolutely FREE!
Translation: Go to your local library.
Get graphic artists and other creative people to create your logo, ad, even your future best-selling book, for zero dollars!
In other words, steal their work… for FREE!
Get search engine experts to get you a #1 ranking on all the major engines, for FREE!
I.e., title your website “Paris Hilton/Pope Benedict/Sponge Bob Threesome”- then everyone will link to it!
Get other people to advertise your website and products … for FREE! Or, if you’d prefer, find other products that you can easily market and sell – for FREE. Most of the time, you won’t have to pay a penny to promote, sell and get paid for your recommendations. And if you follow my precise formula, you can earn as much as $100,000.00 inside of six months, starting from SCRATCH!
Hey, it worked for Homer Simpson (a.k.a., The Internet King).
One of the often painful realities about today’s world is that most people literally hate everything about their jobs. They hate what they do. They hate the commute. They hate the people they work with. They hate their boss. And they hate the amount of money they take home, which, more often than not, doesn’t even pay the bills.
“That’s why most of us come home at night, flip on FOX News, rant about illegal immigrants, and fall asleep in a bowl of Cheetos… but wait! There’s actually a BETTER WAY TO LIVE!”
One final comment: It doesn’t matter if you’re a complete moron … or ma-rooon, when it comes to the Internet or using a computer…
And for the purposes of this scam, Matt probably prefers that you’re a complete moron.
(I)f you’re an industrious, adventurous, ambitious and “game” for the good life person – then you instinctively know exactly what to do. Let me be your guide to the great life!
If this sounds like hype – I need only say two words to convince you that what I’m saying is true: And those two words are “Farmer Burns.”
Well… I’m convinced.
But guess what, I know a LOT MORE than those two words. Wouldn’t you like to know what they are? I’ll reveal them on this series.
Believe me now and listen to me later, when you learn exactly what you can do to cash in on this EVERGREEN GROWING TREND – you are going to be in shock!
I bet you will be, especially after you give Matt your life savings for a packet of “Magic Beans.”
Yes, this strategy DOES require a bit of work – but it’s most likely nothing compared to what you’re doing NOW. No, I cannot guarantee that you’ll succeed. All I truly CAN do is promise you that Matt Furey will always give you the honest-to-goodness straight scoop. The strategy works.
Yes, the strategy works to make Matt money, but he can’t guarantee it’ll work for the rest of you losers.
That’s it. Let’s see who’s got the drive, ambition and desire to take a step forward.
The only thing I can say to that is, “Would you trust a guy who posts pictures of himself doing things like this?”