Apr
21
21
We don’t need no AbsorbShun!
Well, it’s time once again to offend whatever remaining readers we might have. Merely a day after discussing Dennis Prager’s “ridig heterosexuality,” it’s time to talk cock:
Do you have a Massive Cock?
As long as it doesn’t experience shrinkage.
Reward yourself with a Personalized kit or compliment a friend or husband!
Sounds just like the thing for our good friend Frederick. Or Ann Coulter.
Impress your friends!! Entice the women !! Show them that you’re one of the big men in town.
Spend $20 on this amazing product now!!
A Personalized* Laminated Cock I.D. Card
* Your first name or Nickname of your Cock
What would be a good nickname for a cock?
Frederick said,
April 21, 2005 at 23:24
I’m, er, touched by your recognition of my massive proportions. (How you would have personal knowledge on that subject, or even hearsay knowledge, I don’t know.) But I’m not sure if I can compete with Ann Coulter in that department. If there’s a correlation between the size of one’s Adam’s apple and one’s male appendage, Ann must be hung like a horse.
Brad R. said,
April 21, 2005 at 23:41
Personally, I refer to my dong as “Mike S. Adams, PnS.”
Jim said,
April 21, 2005 at 23:50
Oh, I suspect Ms. Coulter is all potatoes and no meat, as they say.
LDSilver said,
April 22, 2005 at 0:18
Peter. Always a good name for a cock.
Frederick said,
April 22, 2005 at 1:17
What would be a good nickname for a cock?
“Lance” is one possibility not mentioned below. On January 4 of this year, I blogged on a related subject:
Penile no more
With the swearing-in of Senator Barack Obama today, Illinois ceases its reign as the Penile State — our senators Dick (Durbin) and Peter (Fitzgerald), our governor Rod (Blagojevich). And who can forget the recurrent Dick Daley (mayor of Chicago), the heavenly Dick Devine (Cook County State’s Attorney), and the dysfunctional Dick Phelan (former president of the Cook County Board). The less said about Neal Hartigan (former lieutenant governor/attorney general/Illinois Appellate Court justice), the better. Collectively, Illinois’ politicians are a veritable Dick Army! Oh, wait — he’s from Texas.
“Barack,” incidentally, means “blessed by God” — but not necessarily in a penile way.
Hemlock Echo said,
April 22, 2005 at 2:25
I would name Sadly No!’s cock:
“Offial ‘Member’ of the Schlong-osphere”
The Dark Avenger said,
April 22, 2005 at 5:22
I call mine Pastor Swank, it doesn’t know any English either.
Vestal Vespa said,
April 22, 2005 at 5:46
I’ve always thought “blinky” was good.
Guiness Guy said,
April 22, 2005 at 5:53
I refer to my penis as “Maddux”, after Chicago Cubs pitcher Greg Maddux.
I’m secure enough to know I am not the owner of a massive shlong- however, like Maddux, what it lacks in size and power, it makes up for in location, sneakiness and control (as well as occationally a sympathetic umpire).
It’s on a bit of a cold streak right now- I’m 3-1 but my IP and Ks are in the toilet and I’ve got way too many Base on Balls and Hit Batsmen(couldn’t resist).
Brad R. said,
April 22, 2005 at 13:56
I refer to my penis as “Maddux”, after Chicago Cubs pitcher Greg Maddux.
That’s interesting. I’m surprised no one’s taken the most obvious pitcher name- Randy Johnson.
apostropher said,
April 22, 2005 at 14:57
Spanky Johnson.
Thorlac said,
April 22, 2005 at 16:33
Won’t Seb have to get 2 cards now? And come up with 2 names? What a hassle.
Guiness Guy said,
April 22, 2005 at 16:37
That’s interesting. I’m surprised no one’s taken the most obvious pitcher name- Randy Johnson.
It didn’t feel right- he being tall, powerful and intimidating while my penis is generally average (but skillz count, dammit!).
A Hermit said,
April 22, 2005 at 18:08
TROGDOR the sperminator!
Brad R. said,
April 22, 2005 at 18:22
It didn’t feel right- he being tall, powerful and intimidating while my penis is generally average (but skillz count, dammit!).
LOL.
OK, even though he’s a Yankee now, I have an affinity for Randy Johnson- we’re both tall (OK, I’m only 6 foot 2 inches, but that’s still above average) left-handers who even share the same birthday. I don’t have his pitching ability, but I’m not as ugly as he is, so I think it balances out.
Hell, I don’t need his millions of dollars- I write for the esteemed publication Sadly, No!
*weeps*
Hemlock Echo said,
April 22, 2005 at 18:35
Hey Seb, don’t you have two penises now? Does that mean you have to get two certificates? Or can you get two names on the same?
I recommend “Double Play”
Rob G said,
April 22, 2005 at 18:50
Phil
Vladi G said,
April 22, 2005 at 19:04
Mr. Smith
zuzu said,
April 22, 2005 at 19:35
I’ve always been partial to Big Jim and the Twins.
How pathetic do you have to be to carry around a card certifying the size of your cock?
FlipYrWhig said,
April 22, 2005 at 23:40
Wait — who wants to be an *honorary* member of the Colossal Cocks Club? Shouldn’t membership be based on merit? Honorary members don’t have to earn it, and, frankly, it just cheapens the whole thing.
They probably let in legacies too.
Hugh G. Rexion said,
April 23, 2005 at 0:58
How pathetic do you have to be to carry around a card certifying the size of your cock?
You don’t, of course. You leave it lying on the junk mail pile and then wave your hand dismissively when someone notices: “Yeah, yeah, I wish they’d leave me alone already. Who the hell has time for addressing their convention this month?” Or you leave it lying outside near the trashcan about the time that sexy jogger runs by every morning. You get the idea.
Anonymous said,
April 23, 2005 at 23:35
um, cheney?
Father Ben Dover said,
April 24, 2005 at 14:57
I call mine “The Pope”, because it makes the choirboys get down on their knees!