Oct
18

Wingnut World Update Featuring Baron Bodissey




Posted at 1:15 by Gavin M.

The Iranian Death Ship

by Baron Bodissey

This story is an example of the Demonic Convergence in action: nuclear weapons, the Iranian effort to destroy Israel, Chinese complicity in international terrorism, and the Somali pirates, all rolled into one.

Remember the Iranian ship that was hijacked off the coast of Somalia a few weeks ago?

Pirates who came into contact with the unidentified cargo of the ship became seriously ill, and since then sixteen of them have died of what appears to be radiation poisoning.

Now an account of what happened has been patched together: the Iranian ship was loaded with radioactive sand from China,

and was en route to the Suez Canal and then the Mediterranean.

The goal was to blow it up off the coast of Israel and send a lethal radioactive cloud over the Jewish state during Yom Kippur.

Had it not been for the Somali free-lancers, there’s no telling what might have happened.

Tune in next time for Wingnut World Update.

321 Comments »

  1. SamFromUtah said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:19

    Superb!

    + 10 million points for Don Martin SFX stickers. I have that issue of MAD from way back when I was a kid.

    Oont, groont.

  2. agum said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:19

    Of course the pirates got sick.

    They got scurvy.

    It’s what pirates do.

  3. Cain said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:20

    You know…any dastardly international plot which relies on NOT being hijacked off the coast of Somalia was probably thought up by retards. After their daily diet of paint chips.

    God damn those Iranians, for being so fiendishly clever, yet so incredibly stupid at the same time. Their cunning idiocy is what makes them so dangerous.

  4. SamFromUtah said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:25

    God damn those Iranians, for being so fiendishly clever, yet so incredibly stupid at the same time.

    Just like us liberals. It’s why we’re best buddies.

  5. Peggy Noonan said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:25

    Gary, in the end the Palin candidacy is a symptom and expression of a new vulgarization in American politics. It’s no good, not for conservatism and not for the country. And yes, it is a mark against John McCain, against his judgment and idealism.

  6. tigrismus said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:29

    This story is an example of the Demonic Convergence in action: nuclear weapons, the Iranian effort to destroy Israel, Chinese complicity in international terrorism, and the Somali pirates, all rolled into one.

    He forgot the nefarious DUTCH.

  7. NobodySpecial said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:29

    Pirates dying is bad for Global Warming.

  8. Neon Ovenlight said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:31

    Shorter Baron “The Bod”: BLLLOOOOOOGGGGFFFHIGISHN!!!“`11

    How the fuck do you blow up SAND? What color is the sky on this guy’s planet?

  9. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:33

    Damn, it’s Friday, and my cup of schadenfreude overfloweth.

    WOoooooooooooooooooo+1!

  10. Werp said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:41

    I fucking lol’d!

  11. N.C. said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:44

    Why’d you have to go and post a picture of Bigfoot? Now we’ll never get rid of that cryptozoologist dude.

  12. Michael G said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:45

    Good thing those dastardly Iranians forgot to put men with guns on their boat!

    I love it when the story requires the bad guys to be both stupid and menacing. It just doesn’t reflect well on the good guys.

  13. Upgrayedd said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:47

    Baron Bodissey? This sounds more like the plans of Baron Harkonnen. But as Paul taught us…

    “He who can destroy the radioactive sands, controls the radioactive sands.”

  14. Thursday said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:53

    But… Why isn’t this Obama’s fault?

  15. justme said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:54

    Michael G,

    Not to mention, I mean, who makes a plan to destroy Israel with radioactive sand and then totally misses the whole thing about using a boat that doesn’t sail under your own flag?

    “One. Millllllion. Dollars.”

    That’s not even bringing up the part about how going all “Salting Carthage” on that area would kill an awful lot of Muslims, and make the whole point of getting rid of the Jews, taking back the land, rather moot.

    Good thing these guys aren’t scriptwriters for a living.

  16. Anonymous said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:57

    I’ll see your sand extermination expert and raise one Michelle Bachman

  17. Upgrayedd said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:59

    I’m betting the next story out of these guys is that the Parliament/Funkenstein mothership has been spotted in orbit, and after Obama’s inauguration Dr. Funkenstein is beaming down to the Chocolate City to shoot all Republicans with his Bop-Gun.

  18. Sophist FCD said,

    October 18, 2008 at 1:59

    Baron Bodissey? This sounds more like the plans of Baron Harkonnen.

    That, or Baron Münchhausen.

  19. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:03

    I’ll raise another Bachmann.

  20. henry lewis said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:07

    But… Why isn’t this Obama’s fault?

    The way I heard it they were planning to spread that sand all over Myrtle Beach.

  21. fardels bear said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:11

    And another 10 million points for Rachel Ray in front of the mushroom cloud. As a matter of fact, I think “Mushroom Cloud” is one of her 30 minute meals. Mushrooms, a jar of marshmallow topping, and a smile.

  22. GumbyAnne said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:11

    I guess now there is at least ONE good thing done by Muslims in the wingnut history of the world. Of course they did it by accident. Figures.

  23. Narrator said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:16

    Meanwhile, at the legion of doom…

    doo doo loo doo doo loo loo

  24. roy edroso said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:31

    You know, I hadn’t breached the Gates of Vienna in some time. It occurs to me from time to time to check all the usual rightwing depots. But that one I had forgotten. I can see now that my brain was trying to protect itself.

  25. SamFromUtah said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:34

    I’ll raise another Bachmann.

    Good grief – straight outta ’02 with a double helping of McCarthy.

  26. Alkali Bill said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:37

    If you ask me, there is a connection between Baron Bodissey and National Gorilla Suit Day….

  27. mikey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:40

    Atomic Sand Bomb?

    Wow.

    Mayonnaise Laser Beam.

    Fully Automatic High Velocity Spackle.

    Intercontinental Ballistic Fudgesicles…

    mikey

  28. Sporkey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:44

    I’m in love with that Rachel Ray photoshop. That is fucking awesome. If she had a cookbook cover with that on there, I would so buy it.

  29. blowback said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:46

    I just can’t believe it, the US Government paying Somali pirates a $7 million bribe.

  30. Snorghagen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:47

    Forget the Iranian death ships and the radioactive sand. What I want to know is why the FBI doesn’t investigate Obama’s links to Nazi flying saucers?

  31. sophie brown said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:49

    when they accosted the pirates one of them was holding a steering wheel down by his mid section. The authorities asked him why and he said “argh! I’m drivin’ me nuts!”

  32. OTB said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:50

    God damn, Gavin–”Failboat,” Yellow Submarine, zombies, Rachel Ray AND that dude who directed the Lord of the Rings movies, all in one post? Your greatest effort yet. A little Photoshop of horrors, a visual feast, an…eyegasm if you will.

    I was really down and crabby today until I saw this. Thank you.

  33. OTB said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:51

    Oh, and Don Martin, Bigfoot, and UFOs. It never ends…

  34. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:53

    That fuckwit screwed once again forgetting the Poles! The fucking blog ius Gates of Vienna fer chrissake, he needs to mnmention the Poles. And bagels – how could he forget the bagels?

    Vienna — John Sobieski — bagels! num num num

  35. Kendra, Warrior Babe of the Outlands said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:55

    Sand pirates? I spit on your sand pirates.

  36. justme said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:57

    Yeah, the bigfoot is pretty awesome, contextually, but the Rachel Ray shoop rules. I’d seriously think about making it my desktop if I could get a bigger version (hint, hint Say, 1024×768. Yes, I’m still using an old laptop.).

  37. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:58

    I am glad to see that the massed forces of villainy, conspiring to bring down civilisation as we know it, include Lemmy.

  38. annejumps said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:01

    I’m just saying

  39. Arky 4 That 1 said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:03

    Pirates who came into contact with the unidentified cargo of the ship became seriously ill, and since then sixteen of them have died of what appears to be radiation poisoning.

    Dude. This is totally a rip-off of an X-Files story arc.

    Fail 360º

  40. Raziel said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:05

    Kendra, Warrior Babe of the Outlands said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:55

    Sand pirates? I spit on your sand pirates.

    Nuh-uh!

  41. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:10

    #

    Sporkey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 2:44

    I’m in love with that Rachel Ray photoshop. That is fucking awesome. If she had a cookbook cover with that on there, I would so buy it.

    Cooking With Habaneros, by Rachel Ray.

  42. Kendra, Warrior Babe of the Outlands said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:16

    Raziel, do you like hot chocolate? With minimarshmallows?

  43. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:26

    So, let’s get this straight… a wingnut is lauding the actions of scary melanin-bearing Islamobuccaneers?

    Being a Jack Vance fan, the fact that this doughead calls himself Baron Bodissey makes me want to Rickroll him into the Stone Age!

  44. Kathleen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:32

    OMG “all aboard the failboat” just made me laugh so hard I snorted and injured my throat.

    put a warning on that sucker, my god.

  45. Kathleen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:37

    notice how they stop being pirates and become “free lancers” once they have joined the battle to defeat Islamofascism.

  46. Somali Pirate said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:39

    Arrrr. Rrrrrr rrrr rarrrr. Arr.

  47. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:43

    The fact is, I am so proud that Michelle Bachman called liberals terrorists as she shees them and I hope McCarthyism comes back, I want all the liberals grilled and fired for not saluting the flag or loving USA.

  48. Snowwy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:44

    By the Gods, I think I know what the source material for this is, from the deepest depths of some wingnut’s fevered imagination…

    Way back in that very brief time when the United States was the only country to posess atomic weapons, Robert Heinlein wrote a string of cautionary tales about the dangers they posed. One of those stories featuring an America that had invented a radioactive dust instead of the bomb.

    It goes on to talk about how horrid the weapon was, the ensuing arms race when the Russians turn out to have developed the dust themselves, yada yada yada.

    I just couldn’t help but be struck by that tiny little parallel. No wonder they find it so plausible.

  49. Mr. Wonderful said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:46

    From The Times of South Africa:

    “The pirates did reveal that they had tried to inspect the ship’s cargo containers when some of them fell sick — but the containers were locked.”

    Plus…”Puntland”? It sounds like old-guy hep-speak for temporizing or stalling. “We pitched the campaign for the Crenshaw account and suddenly they have budget issues. We don’t know whether to scale back or re-do or what. So we’re in Puntland.”

  50. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:55

    Why sand? The thing about sand is that it falls out of the air. Not ideal stuff for creating a “lethal radioactive cloud”.

    The other thing about sand is that it’s hard to make it radioactive. I mean, you can put a reactor in the middle of it and blast it with neutrons AND put six million volts through it and it still won’t go ‘voom’, on account of neutron capture turning the usual isotopes of silicon and oxygen into other stable isotopes.
    You get a bit of radioactivity from traces of phosphorus in the quartz (which turns into P-32), but too little to affect anyone… people use irradiated sand to trace sand movements on beaches.
    I read all this on Wikipedia so it must be true.

  51. Raziel said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:56

    No, I only like the marshmallows. Can we watch Spiderman?

  52. ceabaird said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:56

    and then the files were mysteriously removed from the house, by the comptroller obama had killed.

  53. mikey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:56

    I fucking LOVE Smut Clyde.

    Even though I wish he’d change his name back…

    mikey

  54. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 3:59

    They’ve got it all wrong. It was a humanitarian mission. Apparently, sand has something to do with food.

  55. J— said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:02

    Pirates who came into contact with the unidentified cargo of the ship became seriously ill, and since then sixteen of them have died of what appears to be radiation poisoning.

    It’s Dawn of the Somali Coast Guard Dead!

  56. The Zombies of Pine Cove said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:06

    Braaaaains!

    And IKEA!

  57. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:18

    I hate to spoil anyone’s Friday but I just had a horrible thought.

    Suppose we (by “we” I mean the reality based political party) have the down ticket blowout many are predicting. Suppose further that we gain, say, eight (or would it be nine?) seats in the Senate. Why is this a terrifying notion? That would make Joe Lieberman relevant again.

    Douchedrip Joe would blackmail us (yet again) by threatening to switch sides (officially as opposed to the his current de facto affiliation thereby depriving us of our ‘get out of filibuster free’ card.

    And I was feeling so good earlier. I need cheering up here….

  58. mikey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:22

    Fuck Joe Lieberman.

    He can eat all my dirty laundry.

    He’s gonna get bounced by the DNC, and he’ll either switch over or effectively switch over. He’s run his course.

    If he thinks he can hold the caucus hostage, he’s gonna have to recognize that none of his legislation moves.

    And hey, israel’s in danger!

    Go joe. Go defend your constituency in ISRAEL, you fucking traitor…

    mikey

  59. The Zombies of Pine Cove said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:22

    Brains? [proffers tray to PeeJ]

  60. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:26

    mmmmm! brains num num num num

  61. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:27

    I’m sticking to this theory, P.J.

    So many Democrats hate Joe Liarman’s lying guts by now, that if Harry (I’m a useless little right-wing weasel who styles meself as “Give Those Reich-tards a Stiff Blowjob Harry”) Reid doesn’t do the right thing, they’ll pick someone who is slightly less worthless.

    Like Chuck (“I Give Republicans Gentle Blowjobs And They Reward Me With Repeat Business”) Shumer.

    O.K. Fuckit. Drinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk!

  62. Orange Tom said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:29

    So…….the pirates are the good guys because they stopped the radioactive sand ship? Or the Iranians are the good guys because they poisoned the pirates?

    It’s so hard to figure out the moral story lines of wingers…

  63. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:32

    So…….the pirates are the good guys because they stopped the radioactive sand ship? Or the Iranians are the good guys because they poisoned the pirates?

    Yes!1!

  64. Lesley said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:35

    Breaking:

    Wall Street banks in $70bn staff payout: Pay and bonus deals equivalent to 10% of US government bail-out package

    Financial workers at Wall Street’s top banks are to receive pay deals worth more than $70bn (£40bn), a substantial proportion of which is expected to be paid in discretionary bonuses, for their work so far this year – despite plunging the global financial system into its worst crisis since the 1929 stock market crash, the Guardian has learned.

    Staff at six banks including Goldman Sachs and Citigroup are in line to pick up the payouts despite being the beneficiaries of a $700bn bail-out from the US government that has already prompted criticism. The government’s cash has been poured in on the condition that excessive executive pay would be curbed.

    HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?????

  65. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    October 18, 2008 at 4:59

    Somebody needs to take these “financial workers” for a little boat ride.

    Somali pirates free lancers will take care of the rest.

  66. g said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:05

    What? So the heros are Somali pirates?

    Arrrrrrr!

  67. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:08

    It was bad enough when I had to worry about melamine contamination in my shipments of Chinese sand.

  68. The Zombies of Pine Cove said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:10

    Somali pirates free lancers z?mbI?Z will take care of the rest.

  69. The Zombies of Pine Cove said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:10

    Fuck it. Smut Clyde wins, we’re off to IKEA for some Braaaains.

  70. mikey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:17

    Umm, sorry, I’m confused.

    What conference do the Somali Pirates play in?

    mikey

  71. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:23

    I hear there’s some tasty plumber brains doing to waste, down in the “Shriek, Scream, Wail, Ululate” thread. Not sure about the affordable prefab furniture.

  72. mikey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:25


    Now on the street tonight the lights grow dim
    The walls of my room are closing in
    There’s a war outside still raging
    You say it ain’t ours anymore to win
    I want to sleep beneath
    Peaceful skies in my lover’s bed
    With a wide open country in my eyes
    And these romantic dreams in my head

    –Da Boss

  73. Righteous Bubba said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:28

    Demonic Convergence

    Didn’t the Grateful Dead play that?

  74. Zombie Jim Morrison said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:37

    Demonic Convergence

    Didn’t the Grateful Dead play that?

    No, dude, that was me. I wrote that. It was supposed to be on American Prayer but every time they tried to record it, it backwards masked itself sounding like “Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will return and fuck the world all hail satan!” and this created a singularity that kept sucking up John’s drum kit. The situation was quite funny but it really made for some rocky recording sessions.

  75. yam said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:39

    I didn’t read any of the quotes — I just looked at the pictures.

  76. Candy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:43

    I want to hang out here and snark away the night but I have to go to hospice and sit with the partner as his dad may pass away tonight.

    Make me a weird cocktail, Righteous Bubba., and drink it for me. Add a nice helping of brains, delicious brains, if you be in the mood.

    Somali pirates. One really can’t improve on this shit, can one?

  77. Righteous Bubba said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:45

    Chilled Moose Bile with Iced Distilled White Vinegars

    Ingredients:
    3 tablespoons convoluted moose bile
    1 splash ordinary distilled white vinegar

    Add the moose bile intelligently to the distilled white vinegar since it’s heavier. Serve in a large earnest champagne flute. Phone the authorities.

    Good luck.

  78. Candy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:49

    Thank you, dear! That’s a good one for the road.

  79. Health-conscious zombie said,

    October 18, 2008 at 5:58

    Does anyone have a recipe for brain-flavoured tofu? I’m not taking my chances with the real thing until this epidemic of spongiform encephalopathy is over.

  80. hte authorities said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:01

    Hello? Hello?

    Oh. Sure. Hang on.

    Candy?

    It’s for you…

    mikey

  81. Kathleen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:05

    never fear, Collins or Snowe from Maine will be on our side on most issues to stop a fillibuster if we get to 59. No need to worry about Lieberman.
    ————————————–

    good luck Candy.

  82. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:10

    Peace, Candy.

    It’s tough to do a vigil, but so very important if you can.

  83. The Goob said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:11

    Best….
    Blog….
    Evah

  84. World Crime League Spokesman said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:12

    The goal was to blow it up off the coast of Israel and send a lethal radioactive cloud over the Jewish state during Yom Kippur.
    Had it not been for the Somali free-lancers, there’s no telling what might have happened.

    Cureses!! Foiled again!

  85. The Zombies of Pine Cove said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:21

    Does anyone have a recipe for brain-flavoured tofu? I’m not taking my chances with the real thing until this epidemic of spongiform encephalopathy is over.

    But it’s just like sponge cake. There’s nothing like assembling a tastefully designed, affordable chair from a Swedish company, then kicking back and snacking on some C-J Syndrome laced braaaaainssss.

  86. Johnny Pez said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:24

    Alternative title

    2008: A Space Bodissey

  87. Righteous Bubba said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:25

    Zombies take note: tofu ensmallens the brain.

  88. Oregon Guy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:38

    A plea – I just gave in to my inner consumerist and purchased an iMac with one of those big-assed screens.

    So, I now find that all of Gavin’s awesome photoshops, which looked great as the wallpaper on my POS laptop, all look grainy and not so great on this behemoth screen of mine.

    For example, the Rachel Ray w/Mushroom Clouds photo, which is one of the best EVAR, and which I *immediately* right-clicked, is too damn grainy to be my desktop.

    So, I found some high-res Banksy photos, which are kewl and all, but is there any go-to for you high-tech fancy computer types of which I am now a member of said fancy pants club? (I’m really hoping that this will be like the episode of Family Guy in which Peter gets liposuction and admission to the “good looking people’s club…”

  89. Spokane Moderate said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:39

    I missed Talk Like a Free-Lancer Day!?!

    Bollocks!

  90. hte authorities said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:47

    Depends what you want, OG.

    You need pretty high res pics.

    You can search flickr and picassa and such. I regularly get geographically based wallpaper from other people’s vacation photos.

    Google Images is a gold mine, but you really gotta dig thru the chaff to find the kernels of wheat.

    Wikipedia has some good images too, but is less reliable…

    mikey

  91. Dan said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:53

    Cui Bono? Only Israel benefits from these endless Middle East wars fought by American soldiers. As the U.S. commits war-crimes abroad, that same gov’t commits treason at home by eliminating habeas corpus, using the judiciary to steal private lands, banning books like “America Deceived” from Amazon, Facebook and Wikipedia, conducting warrantless wiretaps and engaging in illegal wars on behalf of Israel. Soon, another false-flag operation will occur (sinking of an Aircraft Carrier by Mossad) and the US will invade Iran. Then we’ll invade Pakistan, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, then ….
    Final link (before Google Books bends to gov’t demands and censors the title):
    http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000083883

  92. Mooser said,

    October 18, 2008 at 6:55

    In case you young’uns didn’t grow up in Syosset, those last three panels are Don Martin, Mad Magazine’s Maddest Artist.

  93. Johnny Pez said,

    October 18, 2008 at 7:03

    Alternative alternative title:

    Sand Doom.

  94. ahem said,

    October 18, 2008 at 7:23

    Lieberman’s going to resign in January, and let Jodi Rell replace him with a Republican. The Dems won’t shit on him, and the GOP hates traitors, even if they betray the other side.

  95. another jim said,

    October 18, 2008 at 7:31

    Best. Graphics.

    EVER.

    In all seriousness.

    The world stands in awe, yet again.

  96. Snorghagen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 7:58

    Soon… the US will invade Iran.

    Dick Cheney’s shotgun-wielding zombie slave legions will never overcome the all-powerful radioactive sands of the mysterious East.

  97. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:02

    Zombie slave legions lack the power to summon the radioactive sand worms.

  98. Sporkey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:10

    Alienation’s for the rich, and I’m feeling poorer every day.

  99. mikey muad dib said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:11

    Gimme a couple of them goddam worms and some family atomics and I’ll finish this goddam fight…

    mikey

  100. a different brad said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:12

    High res pics of art work well, too.

  101. mikey muad dib said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:12

    Oh.

    And a goodly supply of decent tequila.

    None of that cuervo crap…

    mikey

  102. a different brad said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:13

    Oops. Should reload old pages before commenting.

  103. justme said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:22

    Just remember, you do not fuck with Rachael Ray.

  104. Eloquence said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:43

    Google Images is a gold mine, but you really gotta dig thru the chaff to find the kernels of wheat.
    Cooliris

  105. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 8:51

    Rachel Ray in front of the mushroom cloud
    That is in fact a Spice Blow.

  106. wondering said,

    October 18, 2008 at 9:35

    The goal was to blow it up off the coast of Israel and send a lethal radioactive cloud over the Jewish state during Yom Kippur

    Are there a lot of military operations whose success depends on which way the wind is blowing that afternoon?

  107. Hoosier X said,

    October 18, 2008 at 9:48

    I’m sure I’m dreaming this post.

    Either that, or an unknown wingnut has appeared from the back of the pack to reach out and snatch the “Dumbest Conservative” award right out of K-Lo’s sweaty hands, knocking Dinesh D’Souza into third.

  108. Hoosier X said,

    October 18, 2008 at 9:53

    So, that Rachel Ray story …

    Is that true?

  109. Loneoak said,

    October 18, 2008 at 10:11

    I hate Rachel Ray with a crippling abandon. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her with piano wire whenever she says EVOO. The worst thing about her is she makes an acronym for anything that requires more than one word to identify it, but feels she has to repeat the full name immediately after the acronym, thus obviating the purpose of the goddamn acronym. “EVOO, that’s Extra Virgin Olive Oil!” Repeat ad nauseam, emphasis on the nauseam.

    If you are going to hurt my brain with your stupid mouth-sounds, dearest Rachel, do not also waste my time! I wish a Wingnut army would fight to death with a fundamentalist Islamic army (wet dreams for both parties!) over who gets to disembowel you for wearing a kaffiyeh.

  110. Sporkey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 10:15

    Loneoak – but only if her reciepes were for mortals….most of what she makes seems geared towards glenbot iron stomach types, not to peole who have actual taste buds….

  111. Sporkey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 10:16

    of course, i only watch her to see how my Pop reacts, usually in horror…

  112. Loneoak said,

    October 18, 2008 at 10:17

    So, that Rachel Ray story …

    Is that true?

    Well, since the site is mostly satire … maybe.

    I bet it is as true as this gem.

  113. Loneoak said,

    October 18, 2008 at 10:23

    most of what she makes seems geared towards glenbot iron stomach types, not to peole who have actual taste buds….

    And every fucking meal is obligated to have cheesy-toast. I have no problem with cheesy-toast, as it may be one of humankind’s greatest achievements. But does anyone watching the Food Network desperately need to know about the existence of cheesy-toast?

  114. Zarquon said,

    October 18, 2008 at 10:49

    Somali pirates hijack ships to look for cheesy toast.

  115. USpace said,

    October 18, 2008 at 11:14

    .
    Iran would never try to kill Israelis, nah, no way. Don’t ya know it, the pirates are only Coast Guard. Being Muslims, they must be peaceful pirates at least. These Somali Buccaneer monkeys are out of control. They go out for weeks in little rickety boats with just weapons and water and eat raw fish they catch and keep hijacking bigger then bigger, then bigger boats.

    These terrorist monkeys must be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Sending several drones into their camps when they’re fat and happy celebrating their new money should do the trick.

    Lots of great Pirate coverage over at Dinah Lord:
    Somalian Gov’t Charges Pirate Negotiator Andrew Mwangura
    .
    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    don’t exterminate pirates

    seizing ships for ransom
    everybody gets rich

    .
    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    let pirates operate

    you will get cut of ransom
    and maybe some weapons too

    .
    All real freedom starts with freedom of speech. Without freedom of speech there can be no real freedom.
    .
    Philosophy of Liberty Cartoon
    .
    Help Halt Terrorism Today!
    .
    USpace

    :)
    .

  116. dave k said,

    October 18, 2008 at 11:35

    uspace, please stick around. we need a better quality of troll around here. troof just isn’t up to the high standard set by gary ruppert and annieangel.

  117. Japanese Incendiary balloons said,

    October 18, 2008 at 11:58

    Are there a lot of military operations whose success depends on which way the wind is blowing that afternoon?
    Now you’ve hurt our feelings.

  118. 99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:10

    Make Luft, Not War!

  119. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:27

    #

    Japanese Incendiary balloons said,

    October 18, 2008 at 11:58

    Are there a lot of military operations whose success depends on which way the wind is blowing that afternoon?
    Now you’ve hurt our feelings.

    Well, that and you were supposed to defeat us by burning down Oregon.

    I mean, come on, guys. Even now, Oregon is kind of a nicety. Back then it was just legally white lumberjacks.

  120. kiki said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:33

    Apologies if it’s old news, but I had to share this truly spectacular nugget of wingnuttery: http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?p=1060

    Link is to commentary rather than the original steaming load, but even seasoned veterans may want to place a cushion under their jaw before reading.

  121. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:40

    Iran would never try to kill Israelis, nah, no way.

    You’ve established a motive – Iranians trying to kill Israelis? Looks like Columbo has competition! – but the weapon is a little shaky. You know, because it’s a boat full of radioactive sand passing through a series of extremely heavily guarded global seaways.

    You know the old joke about gay guys and ‘honey, please?‘ Substitute Tom Clancy. Same joke works here.

    Don’t ya know it, the pirates are only Coast Guard. Being Muslims, they must be peaceful pirates at least.

    The modus operandi of modern pirates involves knocking over the payroll – which a mixture of irresponsible insurance practices and plummeting international labor standards make extremely profitable, guaranteeing a large amount of money with close to no likely resistance. Even in the golden age of piracy, pirates typically hung onto a cargo because it was valuable. They’re vicious, not stupid: what the fuck are they going to do with sand?

    These Somali Buccaneer monkeys are out of control. They go out for weeks in little rickety boats with just weapons and water and eat raw fish they catch and keep hijacking bigger then bigger, then bigger boats.

    You are confusing piracy for Sid Meier’s Pirates!. It’s OK, it happens all the time. You don’t want a bigger boat – a little speedboat will do just fine (and try calling it ‘rickety’ to their faces, honky). There are no broadsides involved; it’s a boarding action, and a pretty uninvolved one at that.

    These terrorist monkeys must be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Sending several drones into their camps when they’re fat and happy celebrating their new money should do the trick.

    So lemme get this straight: we should bomb the hell out of all the Muslims, especially people actively foiling our ostensible enemies’ Flemingesque perfidy plots, on general principle.

    I guess for an encore you’re going to want to nuke London.

    Sir, if I don’t think Eisenhower would spit on you it’s not out of civility but thrift. You’re not a conservative, you’re someone stupid enough to pass as one. You wear being two towns over when they were passing out brains as a badge of pride. You could lose the Civil War with Grant’s army; you could lose the Allies the Bulge. You’re a moron, sir, and we’re all worse for having listened to you, and if there is a God he probably feels sorry for you because that’s the right way to feel about the mentally disabled.

    Find yourself a home. We ain’t in the business of care.

  122. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:43

    STAR WARS EPISODE SANCTITY OF LIFE: WRATH OF THE YELLOW SAND PEOPLE

  123. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:53

    Incidentally, I happen to know a little about modern piracy. It’s actually a kind of interesting topic – it’s largely a consequence of the navy being militarily irrelevant in the Cold War, which the hegemon is still bent on fighting. The British Navy kept piracy unprofitable; globalization’s labor diktats and America’s ever-present benign neglect brought the bitch back.

    It is worth saying that having a ship knocked over under you is slightly worse than the equivalent in retail. Payroll insurance is fairly lax, so losing the payroll generally costs the company little to nothing – but that doesn’t mean they’re not generally entitled to make assholes of themselves when it comes to paying the hands.

    The few cases of pirates being held off generally involve (a) some whiz-bang shipboard thing (last one was a sonic disruptor of some kind – seriously!) and (b) an overzealous security officer exceeding his job description.

    In general, while they’re willing to do so, pirates are no more likely to shoot the people holding the payroll than register cleaners are to shoot the counter monkey. It’s counterproductive; not only is there all the usual murder stuff involved (not really a problem, because in Islam murder is mandatory!!!), but it makes being caught and punished for piracy a lot easier and paradoxically weakens their chances of making off with the loot.

    To be completely fair, in isoliation the things involved in this story – Somalians, pirates, Iranians, China – seem to form a sort of perfect storm for your garden-variety racist wingnut. But it’s never as exciting as they like to think – this is partially because one of American capital’s cottage industries is making the world exciting for bigots, lunatics, and other Republicans.

  124. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 13:57

    Intercontinental Ballistic Fudgesicles

    mikey, I’m afraid you’ve cracked the code. This is what ‘tough on defense’ means.

    I am not kidding you. This is what about fifty-five cents of every dollar we pay in taxes does.

    Intercontinental ballistic fudgesicles. Although I am informed that the Pentagon these days prefers ‘kinetic killers’ (you know how the 90s were) or ‘fudgicles’.

  125. J— said,

    October 18, 2008 at 14:01

    Jim Geraghty of the National Review Online’s Campaign Spot (10/15/08, ellipsis his):

    We can talk about how horrible it is that Sarah Palin allows shooting wolves from airplanes, and how awful things this audience member said at a McCain rally, how uncouth it is for McCain to bring up William Ayers in this debate, etc.. And meanwhile the world out there is still dangerous, still full of men who want to watch the world burn, still eager to bring death and destruction on a mass scale to the innocent by any means they can…

    But hey, I’m sure the community organizer is up to it.

    But then:

    UPDATED: Two readers with backgrounds in national security and naval affairs tell me not to worry and that the story is bogus. If they’re not worried, I’m not worried.

    Never mind!

  126. 99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 14:09

    And meanwhile the world out there is still dangerous, still full of men who want to watch the world burn, still eager to bring death and destruction on a mass scale to the innocent by any means they can…

    We call them “republicans”.

  127. J— said,

    October 18, 2008 at 14:12

    An Indian member of the Iran Denayat crew speaks.

    D’souza said the conditions on board were extremely unhygienic. “They [the Somali pirates/coast guard members] would never bathe, they would continuously take drugs and eat like pigs. Every other day, they would roast an animal on the deck, cut it into pieces and eat with their bare hands. If you saw it, you would just vomit,” he says.

    Maybe the pirates got sick because they didn’t wash their hands. It appears water was in short supply.

    Or maybe, brains!

  128. actor212 said,

    October 18, 2008 at 14:24

    This was clearly the funniest story since….YESTERDAY!

  129. Teh Wingnuttiest said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:10

    Come now. Don’t be silly Willies. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face. That “sand” was really all that yellowcake that Sadaam bought from Niger. See! Didn’t we all tell you hippies he smuggled it out? There’s probably a whole bunch of nerve gas on board that thing, too. I bet it’s all packed in the Russian fighter planes they dug up and moved to Iran at the last minute.

  130. Pere Ubu said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:13

    Christ, radioactive sand???

    I was on this back around when it happened, and my feeling was it was rocket fuel.

    To quote myself:

    The Iranian missile, the Shahab, uses a fuel mixture of nitric acid and a chemical called UDMH, which is a derivative of the classic rocket fuel hydrazine. All three chemicals, nitric acid, UDMH, and hydrazine, are highly toxic and damaging to human skin.

    My guess? The pirates got into a shipment of either nitric acid or UDMH, not knowing what they were dealing with, and ended up badly burned. End of story, no speculation about secret shipments of radioactive materials necessary.

    You’d think someone who has enough smarts to read Vance would at least have the smarts to spend some quality time with Teh Great Gazoogle to find this kind of stuff out before opening his piehole about whacky conspiracies about Chinese atomic sand.

  131. justme said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:18

    “They would never bathe, they would continuously take drugs and eat like pigs. Every other day, they would roast an animal on the deck, cut it into pieces and eat with their bare hands. If you saw it, you would just vomit,”

    Arrrrhhh, matey. And how, exactly, was yer landlubbin’ ass expectin’ a bunch o Piiiirates tuh behave? Ay, laddie?

  132. (Lex) Palianated said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:19

    Ahhh, but I have an actual pic of “Baron Bodissey”. I clipped this one from Atlas Shrugs after their anti-Muslim “Summit” in Brussels. Er, excuse me, their save Western Civilization and hang out with neo-Nazis party.

  133. (Lex) Palianated said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:23

    Actually, Sphinx and I haven’t written on it in a long while, but we had some great fun with the Baron and his lovely wife here for a while.

    Johnny, definitely “A Space Bodissey”. Yup.

  134. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:23

    p.u.: Good call; especially in light of the Shahab’s Soviet pedigree. They called it ‘demon acid’ in the space program for a reason – rocket fuel on the cheap is some vile shit.

  135. Pere Ubu said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:41

    I just left a comment on the rocket fuel thing over on Teh Baron’s post. Remains to be seen how long before he flicks it down the memory hole, since I topped it with a comment about pirates and criminals and their adherence to absolute truthfulness.If he’d rather believe MOOOSLIMY Somali pirates instead of the U.S. Treasury Department, well, that’s his problem.

    And appropriate “Seinfeld” quote at the top of the page – easy to see the Baron saying this:

    “I think I swallowed a fly! I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?”

  136. FrontierChronicle said,

    October 18, 2008 at 15:54

    Do you fear for your country?

    Censure Michelle Bachmann

  137. J— said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:16

    Arrrrhhh, matey. And how, exactly, was yer landlubbin’ ass expectin’ a bunch o Piiiirates tuh behave? Ay, laddie?

    Tell me about it. If they weren’t roasting their food on deck, they just wouldn’t be buccaneers, would they?

  138. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:17

    See, this is my favorite thing about the jingo right – it shows up a lot in the places where, for whatever reason, people with something close to sanity blog about modern warfare.

    You tell one of them a story like this and they’ll immediately make that logical leap. Iran takes its missiles very seriously, so does the rest of the world, and their composition isn’t some kind of secret. That and anyone with an actual cold war background instead of a freaking out about Jimmy Carter not nuking Iran background is gonna recognize the iconic qualities of shitty Soviet rocket fuel. It figured in the space race, the missile gap, it crops up as far afield as WW2 and Yeltsin.

    And these people, who like to think and talk about war all day like a shittier, modern version of Hitler – Shitlers, let us call them – are so fundamentally unfamiliar with the tools with which they are waged that they imagine the People’s Republic of China furnishing Iran with radioactive sand with which to destroy Israel through the Suez Canal.

    It’s kind of reminiscent of Dan Quayle holding a grenade launcher the wrong way; it’s a triumph of bark over bite. The thankful thing about this is that it’s self-containing – after a while nobody is gonna pay attention to Baron Bodissey (I want to be clever, but he beat me to it) in his indolently fantasiacal rants about sand coloreds.

    Wingnut flapping is a coin so debased it’s hard to imagine anyone outside of the Conspiracy even accepting it after this coming decade. God willing, we’ll somehow find a way to worry about Iranian sand-perfidy without it.

  139. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:27

    I should be more specific, because my grammar is sometimes kind of like – well, if shit were capable of thinking about itself and formed para-ethnic slurs based on kinds of shit everyone hates, think about your surprise farts and go from there -: this kind of shit is strictly amateur-hour genocide fantasist (thanks, lp – it’s kind of amazing to hear him explicitly endorsing genocide in exactly as many words); there are people out there who take the idea of military conflict seriously without salivating over race warfare.

    The iconic example is Dolan’s War Nerd – he relies on the same basic line of reasoning the islamophobes tend to (birthrate etc), with the massive codicil that immigration changes everything: nobody understands how shitty the culture and politics of the Middle East can be like the population of the Middle East, and the idea that people who came to Europe for a fucking reason are going to turn around and act as if they never did is a kind of Burgessian fantasia – so devoted to its pet hate that it’s willing to bend reality to fit it. He also gets a lot of mileage out of the generally paleoconservative/patriotic/etc stuff in stark contrast to modern Republicans.

    I guess the moral of the story is that if you want smarmy, hyper-entitled dabbling at hate speech by a guy who thinks the narrowness of his family tree makes him a sort of small god, hang on Bodissey’s every inspired word.

    And then drown in your own piss.

  140. (Lex) Palianated said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:29

    Pere, he won’t delete. Rarely does. He’ll lead his minions into circular arguments in which they’ll all be utterly convinced that they have won until you throw up your hands at their idiocy.

    Seriously, that really is a pic of the real Baron Bodissey of GoV I linked up there. Just remember when you arguing, that’s the guy who wants to show up at Muslim homes across Europe and order them to leave.

    Ahh, the new “Counter-jihad Summit” is IN Vienna! They must be THRILLED!

  141. Kara said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:33

    Brain and Brain. What is brain?

  142. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:48

    What this blog needs is some real Zombies!

  143. Legalize said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:49

    Why’d you have to drag Lemmy into all of this?!

  144. Snorghagen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 16:59

    Ahhh, but I have an actual pic of “Baron Bodissey”.

    That’s a bit disappointing. I was hoping for someone like this.

  145. alec said,

    October 18, 2008 at 17:10

    I was kind of hoping for The Aristocrat.

  146. Willy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 17:39

    Justme,
    Hi-res, full color thermonuclear bomb tests. French ones at that:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/dominoes/2039945401/

  147. Givers of Pain and Delight said,

    October 18, 2008 at 17:55

    You are not Morg. You are not Eye-morg.
    You are some lame-ass blogger complaining about some cool dude Somali “freelancers” with bad table manners.

  148. jim said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:07

    The pictures for this are so good my eyes came.

    Extra bonus points for Izlamoterrorista Rachel Ray holding a latte … the magical Don Martin just clinches it for me … & please note that any wingnut would heartily approve of the “LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE” sign, because after all, it’s pointing to the left!

  149. Snorghagen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:15

    I was kind of hoping for The Aristocrat.

    If he really wants to go the aristocratic route, I think Bodissey should seriously consider adopting this persona.

    There are several solid advantages:
    = Widespread name recognition.

    = A cadre of devoted followers.

    = Exceptional social skills.

    = Snappy dresser.

    = First-hand expertise on death ships.

    And I think it’s obvious that this is exactly the sort of leadership modern conservatives have been looking for.

    (If WordPress coughs up my earlier link to this pic, pay it no heed.)

  150. Snorghagen said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:16

    Goddamn fucking WordPress.

  151. El Tiburon said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:20

    Fucking beautiful man.

    A Picasso of blog posts.

    If I could frame this bitch and hang it my home I would.

  152. Cain said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:30

    The thing is…this is so implausible that even some of the commentators over at GoV are expressing disbelief.

    That’s like…I don’t think I can come up with an adequate metaphor, since GoV commentators tend to believe almost everything, so long as a scary Muslim type is involved.

    Have we hit Peak Wingnut?

  153. Brandi said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:31

    I hate Rachel Ray with a crippling abandon. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her with piano wire whenever she says EVOO.

    She’s still better than Sandra Lee. Try reading this thread or this thread without a growing sense of nausea.

  154. Your TV remote control said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:39

    I hate Rachel Ray with a crippling abandon. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her with piano wire whenever she says EVOO.

    I can fix that for you. See the button that says “CH” and has up and down arrows on it? You can use that to change the channel! Better yet: See that button up there labeled “Power”? Push it. There now.

  155. 99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:43

    Your TV remote control said,
    October 18, 2008 at 18:39

    DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MF’ER!1!!

    Have we hit Peak Wingnut?

    We haven’t even gotten to Obama’s inauguration, yet.

  156. (Lex) Palianated said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:47

    Snor–I think he was hoping for that too…..

  157. owlbear1 said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:49

    I can just hear the conversation:

    “General Sir, Our secret DEATH SHIP was just high-jacked!”
    “You mean the DEATH SHIP that was going be the opening salvo of the Great Jihad to wipe hated Israel from the map?”
    “Yes Sir! That Death SHIP!”
    “How much are the Pirates demanding?”
    “22 Million dollars sir!”
    “Well fuck that! Let’em keep the toxic shit!”
    “Yes Sir!”

  158. tigrismus said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:56

    There is less evidence for “Peak Wingnut” than there is for the yeti.

  159. Mary Ruppert said,

    October 18, 2008 at 18:58


    Oct. 17 (Bloomberg) — Andrew Lahde, the hedge-fund manager who quit after posting an 870 percent gain last year, said farewell to clients in a letter that thanks stupid traders for making him rich and ends with a plea to legalize marijuana

  160. Tony Bourdain said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:03

    Rachel Ray? Let me tell you about Rachel Ray.

  161. MajorKong said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:03

    She’s still better than Sandra Lee.

    Anthony Bourdain:

    SANDRA LEE: Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban–or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.

    http://blog.ruhlman.com/ruhlmancom/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html

  162. MaineMan said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:04

    This is what about fifty-five cents of every dollar we pay in taxes does.

    Hey, alec. I appreciate the point, but actually (budget nerd alert!) the DoD budget accounts for just over 19% of federal expenditures, and that’s even if you don’t include Social Security disbursements in the total expenditure column. If you add in Iraq/Afghanistan funding (about 5.5%, but “off-budget”) the VA (about 3.5%), Civil Defense (about 2%) and international military assistance (a bit under 1%), it comes up to “only” about 31% .

    Still, disturbing enough – especially when one considers that the Education Dept. gets about 2.5%, the CDC and NIH combined get less than 1.5% and food safety inspection programs account for a mere 0.11%.

    What I personally find equally disturbing is the fact that interest payments on the national debt for FY2009 were already projected to be about 17% of federal spending – and that’s before the various bailouts run the total debt up another 20% (to nearly 90% of GDP). So, it’s likely that, for the next few years, even if defense spending isn’t cut at all, interest payments will exceed even the DoD budget.

    The professional economist’s term for this is, “Super-size Shit Hoagie with Cheez Whiz.”

  163. henry lewis said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:04

    Fucking beautiful man.

    A Picasso of blog posts.

    If you read only one blog post this year…

  164. dBa said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:04

    What is it with Wingnuts and the phrase ‘If this is all true’? It’s not like that phrase is saving them from being idiots.

  165. Trilateral Chairman said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:11

    FOINSAPP!

    I’m trying to identify all those figurines. Here’s what I have so far (from left):

    G. Gordon Liddy, Ted Nugent, Obama-as-Stepin-Fetchit, ???, ???, Daniel Pipes, Henry Paulson.

    Any help with the other two?

  166. Willy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:16

    blonde dude in green: Steyn

  167. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:19

    What is it with Wingnuts and the phrase ‘If this is all true’?

    They live in the land of If, the only major population center in their alternate universe.
    viz.:
    If only I wasn’t fat….
    If I was king then I’d show them…
    If I wasn’t so lazy….
    If I only had a brain….

  168. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:37

    I just have to share this nugget from fivethirtyeight:

    So a canvasser goes to a woman’s door in Washington, Pennsylvania. Knocks. Woman answers. Knocker asks who she’s planning to vote for. She isn’t sure, has to ask her husband who she’s voting for. Husband is off in another room watching some game. Canvasser hears him yell back, “We’re votin’ for the n***er!”

    Woman turns back to canvasser, and says brightly and matter of factly: “We’re voting for the n***er.”

  169. dBa said,

    October 18, 2008 at 19:53

    I’ve been doing the Google on the Tubes for Demonic Convergence, and all I get is fiction.

    Has anyone found anything reality based on it? I mean, you know, because Linda Blair wasn’t actually possessed by Demons, it was a movie.

  170. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:01

    There’s the Linda Blair snack stand. I can’t imagine how “Chunk Ball” could be anything but proof of demonic possession.

  171. MaineMan said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:10

    . . . Linda Blair wasn’t actually possessed by Demons . . .

    Actually, I heard recently that Blair was possessed by Demons who are now suing the producers and the studio for residuals. While trying to get their career back on track by possessing Stephen Baldwin.

  172. dz alexander said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:12

    A hilarious send-up!
    Not to take credit from Baron whatever, but this is from what looks like a religious zionist site —
    http://shiratdevorah.blogspot.com/2008/10/hijacked-iranian-ship-was-dirty-bomb.html

    “Donations are made directly into the Paypal account of Yeshivat Chabad Ramat Aviv, Tel Aviv Israel – Rabbi R. Fichman Please see their website at http://tmimim.org/ for further information.”

    The final bit is probably the current political demand that the author is atttempting to support —
    “This ship was nothing more nor less than the long-anticipated Iranian attack on Israel. Not the expected rocket attacks (which could be intercepted by the Israelis) but an even more deadly and unexpected attack by sea.. It is very interesting to note that the Israeli government has in the past few weeks, been loudly demanding that the United States establish a naval blockade of Iran.”

  173. kmfg said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:40

    Chicago Tribune???@!@?!!!

  174. Orange Tom said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:42

    What a second, those can’t be real pirates, there was no mention of non-stop sodomy on deck!!

  175. Julia Grey said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:54

    Mayonnaise Laser Beam.

    Fully Automatic High Velocity Spackle.

    Intercontinental Ballistic Fudgesicles…

    I laughed…OUT LOUD…for about ten minutes. I couldn’t get a hold of myself. Srsly.

  176. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 20:54

    Would pirates engage in sodomy?

    [Any chance to see Ioan Griffud is worthwhile - if only that clip featured his callipygian glory. I do seem to have a growing interest, thinking about that.]

  177. Righteous Bubba said,

    October 18, 2008 at 21:03

    Would pirates engage in sodomy?

    These days they can marry in sodomy.

  178. J— said,

    October 18, 2008 at 21:53

    I have to admit I’m puzzled by this talk of Peak Wingnut. Oil is a physical substance, the amount of which on the planet is finite and quantifiable. Wingnuttery is an authoritarian political culture of paranoia. It cannot be quantified. It cannot reach peak for there is no guarantee that a crescendo of idiocy will not be superseded by an even higher state of dumb.

  179. RobW said,

    October 18, 2008 at 21:54

    “They [the Somali pirates/coast guard members] would never bathe, they would continuously take drugs and eat like pigs. Every other day, they would roast an animal on the deck, cut it into pieces and eat with their bare hands. If you saw it, you would just vomit,”

    Hmmm. No baths. Drugs. Barbeque on deck. Speedboats. Add about 30 metric tons of beer and this sounds like Labor Day weekend at Lake Havasu.

  180. PeeJ said,

    October 18, 2008 at 21:55

    These days they can marry in sodomy.

    Directions to sodomy, please.

    Or Canada, Netherlands, Spain, Belgium, Norway, South Africa, Mass., Conn. or, for the time being at least, Calif.

    So do my friends. So do my lovers.

  181. Badger3k said,

    October 18, 2008 at 22:13

    That’s some fast acting radioactive sand, if they started dying in several days. I guess this is going to put a crimp in the Chinese Radioactive Sand industry, especially during this economic crisis and the holiday season. Glow-in-the-dark snowglobes will never be the same.

    “fardels bear said,
    October 18, 2008 at 2:11

    And another 10 million points for Rachel Ray in front of the mushroom cloud. As a matter of fact, I think “Mushroom Cloud” is one of her 30 minute meals. Mushrooms, a jar of marshmallow topping, and a smile.”

    I hate mushrooms and marshmellows, but if all she has on is the smile, I’ll eat.

  182. 99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 22:35


    Good afternoon.

    Just listening to my favorite band, Creed.
    Brian | 10.18.08 – 4:38 pm | #

    Seen on another blog.

  183. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 22:49

    They live in the land of If, the only major population center in their alternate universe.
    If only I …
    If I was…
    If I wasn’t…
    If I only had…

    I had no idea that the Subjunctive Case could contain so much stuff. The moral is that if you’re packing for a trip and can’t fit everything into your luggage, these people might be able to help.

  184. Andy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:03

    Not precisely on-topic, but as the thread is nearly over anyway, here’s the latest dastardly Iranian plot — the effort to destroy Teh Sammich:

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081017/od_nm/us_guinness_sandwich

  185. Orange Tom said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:04

    Senator McCain has a plan to catch the radioactive sand pirates but he’s not going to reveal it until we make Bible Spice our Prezzadent!

    (Campaign insiders imply that the plan may have something to do with doughnuts and sodomy).

  186. 99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:12

    I’d say that was more than an effort, Andy.

  187. Smut Clyde said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:14

    It SPEAKS VOLUMES about the PERFIDY and UNMITIGATED EVIL of the Iran regime, that we initially found this story so plausible.

  188. (Lex) Palianated said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:37

    I thought it was Billy Baldwin with da demons not Stephen, or are they both over the ledge? Or do I just not know my Baldwins? Eh…

  189. Andy said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:39

    “I’d say that was more than an effort, Andy.”

    Yes, excellent point.

  190. Edmond Dantès said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:40

    They live in the land of If, the only major population center in their alternate universe.
    Actually I think you mean the Château d’If.

  191. Lesley said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:52

    A picture’s worth a thousand times a hundred.

    What’s McCain get? A couple of hundred village idiots?

  192. Lesley said,

    October 18, 2008 at 23:54

    Much better photo of the turnout.

  193. eidos said,

    October 19, 2008 at 0:32

    My god, I had forgotten all about Gates of Vienna. Is it really a good idea for the institution in which these gentlemen reside to allow them open internet access?

  194. RvB said,

    October 19, 2008 at 0:38

    Taking care of that Iranian death ship would be a job for Captain Atom and, I’m going to say, The Flash; the latter could run around and contain the sand in twister form and the former could transform it into harmless silicon by absorbing the radiation. And, eh, I guess they could bring Wildcat around just to punch whoever needed punching, because that’s what he does.

  195. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 0:42

    I guess they could bring Wildcat around just to punch whoever needed punching, because that’s what he does.

    Huh.

    Doesn’t sound like you need super powers for that.

    Can I apply for a job like that?

    I’m thinking I’d see a reduction in pent-up anger issues…

    mikey

  196. J— said,

    October 19, 2008 at 0:44

    Taking care of that Iranian death ship would be a job for…

    Captain Underpants.

  197. justme said,

    October 19, 2008 at 1:14

    I kinda figured Missouri would go blue this time. They have a long and disturbing history of voting with the winner.

    ———–

    99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,
    October 18, 2008 at 22:35

    Okay, you’re just trying to stir shit now.

    ————

    “We’re votin’ for the n***er!”

    PeeJ, that is one of the funniest, most fucked up and oddly heartening things I’ve seen. Bradley effect my ass. I admit to cackling wildly, half just for the image and half wondering if they were /b/-tards.

  198. MzNicky said,

    October 19, 2008 at 1:23

    justme: I’m starting to hear a lot about a “reverse Bradley Effect” — where polled voters say they’re voting for McCain because they don’t want to admit they’re voting for “the n***er.” That makes a lot more sense to me, living down here in the Southland and all.

    And Lesley: The photos of Obama’s crowd in St. Louis are just astounding. Wow.

  199. J— said,

    October 19, 2008 at 1:40

    Sign from the McCain campaign office in Pompano Beach, FL.

  200. 99 Luftballoons™³²®© said,

    October 19, 2008 at 1:53

    Sign at a gun shop in New Mexico.

  201. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 1:56

    justme: I’m starting to hear a lot about a “reverse Bradley Effect” — where polled voters say they’re voting for McCain because they don’t want to admit they’re voting for “the n***er.” That makes a lot more sense to me, living down here in the Southland and all.

    I forget where I saw it, but polls done in New Mexico suggests the Bradley Effect is favoring Obama there – lying about voting for McCain is socially advantageous in many ways, up to and including a decent out from being screamed at about ACORN perfidy.

    Hey, alec. I appreciate the point, but actually (budget nerd alert!) the DoD budget accounts for just over 19% of federal expenditures, and that’s even if you don’t include Social Security disbursements in the total expenditure column. If you add in Iraq/Afghanistan funding (about 5.5%, but “off-budget”) the VA (about 3.5%), Civil Defense (about 2%) and international military assistance (a bit under 1%), it comes up to “only” about 31% .

    Still, disturbing enough – especially when one considers that the Education Dept. gets about 2.5%, the CDC and NIH combined get less than 1.5% and food safety inspection programs account for a mere 0.11%.

    I think I was thinking about the budget after non-voluntary spending (the debt etc you mentioned), although I think I was still wrong.

    Forgive a man getting excited about billion-dollar fudgicles. After all, it’s all our wingnut friends have left.

  202. J— said,

    October 19, 2008 at 2:11

    Failed authoritarian movements needs scapegoats the way fecal coliform bacteria need a steady supply of raw sewage, and this one has a lot of failures that need explaining.

    Ain’t no blogger like Billmon when he’s in stride.

  203. justme said,

    October 19, 2008 at 2:33

    Forgive a man getting excited about billion-dollar fudgicles.

    That’s not fudge.

  204. SamFromUtah said,

    October 19, 2008 at 2:52

    That’s not fudge.

    Poo on a stick – looks like mud from a distance!

  205. Lesley said,

    October 19, 2008 at 3:01

    Sign from the McCain campaign office in Pompano Beach, FL.

    Fuck conjecture, McLiars.

    How about the real thing.

  206. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 3:05

    Poo on a stick?

    Oh, we know from poo on a stick…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punji_stick

    mikey

  207. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 3:07

    Oh. Whoops. Sorry.

    I forgot this is the only blog that can’t control it’s own spam filter.

    I posted a link. I know. Crime of the fucking century. After all, it’s only the fucking INTERNET. Why would posting links be allowed?

    mikey

  208. Lesley said,

    October 19, 2008 at 3:13

    How quickly things change.

  209. Krassen said,

    October 19, 2008 at 3:51

    Andy,
    great find, not at all OT, as you say. Things are finally falling into place.

    Mr. Boddissey’s source was killed before he could finish telegraphing the message: he meant to say radioactive sandwich, but could only type “sand…” before getting gunned down (or his throat slit, I am still investigating this)

    Yes, that was the plan. A giant radioactive sandwich, prepared by Rachel Ray, was supposed to explode off the shore of Israel. When the Somali “freedom fighters” intercepted the sandwich, the embarrassed Iranian government staged a phony spectacle where this whole thing was supposed to be for the Guinness Book of Record. “conveniently” when the Guinness people arrived they were told that the sandwich was already eaten.

    Obviously, the Somalis tried to eat the giant sandwich and got terribly sick. (Not from the radiation, mind you, but from the mayonnaise…)

    Mystery solved!

  210. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 3:55

    I’m a little worried that sammich would give me diarrhea…

    mikey

  211. Sociopathic White Vancean Ubermensch-Pedophile said,

    October 19, 2008 at 4:00

    The fact that this guy is named after a Jack Vance character isn’t really so puzzling. I love Vance’s prose style, and his Wodehouse-in-space farces are a hoot, but his political stories–think The Grey Prince, Araminta Station, Emphyrio, the Alastor novel that takes place on the Welfare State Strawman Planet, et cetera–are unreconstructed brown-people-are-different-and-therefore-bad allegories at best and out-and-out glorifications of fascism at worst. (And most of his adult heroes tend to end up in the sack with fourteen year-old girls for some reason.)

    The “Vance Integral Edition” fan editorship of his collected works went through a lot of turmoil because a small but vocal portion of the volunteer base were members of the European far-right using the project to trumpet Vance as a prophet of White Christian Civilization Under Threat.

  212. eidos said,

    October 19, 2008 at 4:27

    Todd Palin at a Norm Coleman rally holding a sign that says “Charles Manson was a community organizer”. I think is for real.
    http://minnesotaindependent.com/13461/first-dude-and-absent-sarah-upstage-norm-at-duluth-sportsmen-for-coleman-rally

  213. Hit and Run said,

    October 19, 2008 at 4:52

    Have you guys seen the John Sidney McPenguin the Third? Oh, Youtubes… so full of wonder.

    (The link is in my name. Maybe this will reduced the need to fywp…)

  214. Zandar said,

    October 19, 2008 at 5:27

    Shortly after the Iranian Death Ship failed to detonate Atomic Sand Bomb over Israel, the files mysteriously disappeared from the Red Skull’s house.

  215. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 7:49

    (And most of his adult heroes tend to end up in the sack with fourteen year-old girls for some reason.)

    Well, if you really want to throw away four good white child-bearing years because you think women are people or whatever depraved Spockian filth you crazy lefties believe about the ‘right’ of ‘children’ not to give you sexual pleasure, go right ahead. Doesn’t mean we’re obligated to betray our duties to the Mehrweisskindfamilie.

    Really, why is it all of the proto-wingnut authors (in addition to calling themselves libertarian but worshipping anything as oppressive as a state without calling itself that, including the Angry White Big Man) seem to view pedophilia with a sort of warm nostalgia? This is a serious question; it’s so fucking frequent that it can’t be simple coincidence.

  216. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 7:51

    Shortly after the Iranian Death Ship failed to detonate Atomic Sand Bomb over Israel, the files mysteriously disappeared from the Red Skull’s house.

    And – need I remind you who the dark knight in this race is? – Gotham City has gone through three hundred comptrollers since Obama entered the race.

  217. Superbly Anonymous said,

    October 19, 2008 at 9:38

    Don Martin = Love

  218. justme said,

    October 19, 2008 at 9:39

    Hit and Run

    from the comments of your link.

    http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=7QC574j9ksI

    I don’t know what they were smoking, but it was powerful.

  219. bago said,

    October 19, 2008 at 12:20

    Dude. It’s Cake and Sodomy.

  220. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 19, 2008 at 14:26

    The fact is, Real America is here, in the Heartland. Where we work hard, are not eleitists, support the troops and our president, salute the flag, say the pledge and want lower taxes to build prosperity, and do not need biased science and history taught in our schools, or biased liberal media on the air. We are not voting for Obama — he is a terrorist, is biased toward the hard left and socialism, and he is a Muslim who will bring in Shania Law.

  221. actor212 said,

    October 19, 2008 at 14:39

    It just astounds me that, if this story was even remotely true, the pirates didn’t hold Israel or Iran up for ransom.

    Moreover, that simple little piece of logic…pirates + booty = theft…didn’t occur to Herr Barren….

  222. actor212 said,

    October 19, 2008 at 14:41

    Directions to sodomy, please.

    It’s around back.

  223. R. Porrofatto said,

    October 19, 2008 at 15:32

    A fabulous job. I always like my lunacy to come in pictures, or better yet, pop-up books!

    My favoritist Gates of Vienna moment was when like-minded wingers complained that poor GoV was being maligned as “Islamophobic.” Which was kind of ironic since GoV had this big “Islamophobic and Proud of It” button on their front page at the time.

  224. Barrayaran said,

    October 19, 2008 at 16:08

    Theory, illustrated summary, and commentary — classic.

    (You can’t hear the Alan Partridge drawl, can you? Drat.)

  225. (Lex) Palianated said,

    October 19, 2008 at 16:23

    I have no idea how they have internet access. Click on “Dymphna’s Other Blog”. They live in some town of 500 people or something like that “at the foothills of the Appalachians” in VA. When I used to mock blog them I noticed this repeated quite a bit; I just can’t even sit through the posts anymore, but should start again seeing as there is a NEW “summit”.

  226. Pere Ubu said,

    October 19, 2008 at 17:56

    They live in some town of 500 people or something like that “at the foothills of the Appalachians” in VA.

    I assume it’s part of the “real Virginia”.

  227. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 18:44

    Which is to say, West Virginia, but not the faggy parts of it voting for Obama. Basically the parts that were prevented from seceding again by the marginal good sense of all concerned.

    East West Virginia’s most famous tourist slogan, There’s No ‘Nation’ In Miscegenation, ran from the inadvertent beginning of written history in the state by a literate non-Chinaman (1988); although supplanted by the simpler and more strictly factual East West Virginia: All Our Niggers Are On Tobacco Ads in 2004, it has remained popular with right-wing shirt manufacturers and other jackasses.

  228. Teh Iranians™³²®© said,

    October 19, 2008 at 19:24

    We made you a giant sammich, but we eated it.

  229. Dan Someone said,

    October 19, 2008 at 19:27

    Isn’t that a line from a Queen song?

    She’s a Killer Queen
    Gunpowder, gelatine
    Mayonnaise with a laser beam
    Guaranteed to blow your mind
    Anytime

  230. Kathleen said,

    October 19, 2008 at 19:29

    Obama — he is a terrorist, is biased toward the hard left and socialism, and he is a Muslim who will bring in Shania Law.

    Fear the Islamosocialism!!!!!

  231. Lou, Lou, the Dancing Panda said,

    October 19, 2008 at 19:53

    Do you hear that…listen…(faint rumble)…it’s coming…it’s going to be incredible…the wingnuts coming…to expose Colin Hussein Powell X, head of the S1W’s, ultimate traitor, I-never-did-like-dat-dar-n&^$er, etc. etc.

    Sweet times at Sadly, N(egr)o!, I think.

  232. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 20:06

    Do you hear that…listen…(faint rumble)…it’s coming…it’s going to be incredible…the wingnuts coming…to expose Colin Hussein Powell X, head of the S1W’s, ultimate traitor, I-never-did-like-dat-dar-n&^$er, etc. etc.

    Sweet times at Sadly, N(egr)o!, I think.

    The freepers have been talking about South Africa all morning.

    Good Lord, were we overdue for this kind of shit.

  233. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 19, 2008 at 20:27

    Powell [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    Does anyone else have the feeling there’s a good portion of the country simply killing time until Obama’s coronation?

    Two weeks. Zogby shows some slippage. It’s close, my friends, as a certain Arizona senator might say.

    And there are also two weeks to work to safeguard the Senate — if Obama were to win and we didn’t have at least have 40 Republican senators … it would be a very Left time in America.

    10/19 11:19 AM

    It’s all over, except for the (years of) snivelling.

  234. Fanboi du That One said,

    October 19, 2008 at 20:36

    His ARRIVAL shall be like a new dawn upon the world.

    Suck it PUKES!!@u!!

  235. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:21

    His ARRIVAL shall be like a new dawn upon the world.

    And what color might that dawn be?

    Is there, perhaps, an animal we could keep in mind when it does happen to arrive?

    Non-inquiring minds want to know.

  236. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:26

    The fact is, liberals are going to loose loose loose bigtime. Freedom will triumph. I am glad patriots like Michelle Bachman call things as they are. The liberal media bias is sickening. We have traiters in our mist, they are called Democraps.

  237. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:31

    Y’know, I hate to be the one to say it, but the quality of the fake Garies has really declined lately. I mean, sure, you get the mis spellings, but they can’t carry you – you’ve got to have some wacky Ruppert-esque wingnuttery in there with them.

    I swear, if you’re just going to mail it in, why bother?

    Hell, it’s like Shania Law…

    mikey

  238. Fanboi du That One said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:35

    And what color might that dawn be?

    Well, I guess that would really depend on the local conditions? There may be a hint of Mint however.

    Is there, perhaps, an animal we could keep in mind when it does happen to arrive?

    Dude, whatever floats your boat.

    Non-inquiring minds want to know.

    Your questions bely your apathy pilgrim. That One hears your anticipation!

  239. A Pale Horse said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:37

    Is there, perhaps, an animal we could keep in mind when it does happen to arrive?
    Sorry, my appointment calendar is full.

  240. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:38

    We comment with the fake Garys that we have, and not the fake Garys we might want or wish to have at a later time.

  241. wordyeti said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:42

    There is less evidence for “Peak Wingnut” than there is for the yeti.

    Present and accounted for. Now, them “compassionate conservatives”?

    They’re totally mythical.

  242. A Flawless Red Heifer said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:43

    If it involves being sacrificed to purify the Third Temple, then you’ll have to excuse my lack of enthusiasm.

  243. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:46

    Anyone reading the right-wing spew on this one wanna tell me how long it took for the phrase “affirmative action” to come up? I’m betting 20 minutes, tops.

  244. Lou, Lou, the Dancing Panda said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:47

    I’m too Chinese. I mean, unless you were talking about the arrival of the next superpower, in which case, Zhongguo JIAYOU!!

  245. Donald Rumsfeld said,

    October 19, 2008 at 21:59

    We know where Real Virginia is. It’s in the area around the Hampton Roads and east, west, south and north somewhat.

  246. PeeJ said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:01

    [happyhappysingsongvoice]Doop de doop de doo….Someone (actually, two someones) got their ballot in the mail yesterday…. dump de dump de dummm….[/happyhappysingsongvoice]

    Good times indeed. We’re voting for the nigger.

  247. PeeJ said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:04

    PS – from a Penn State alum, WOLVERINES!!!!!

  248. alec said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:07

    I’d vote early, but I’m going to enjoy voting with my family. My little brother in particular is voting for the first time this year – turned 18 in late ’07, favored Clinton in the caucus but voting for the nigger with the rest of us this time around.

    We’re pretty politically and intellectually disparate, but it’s a big tent.

  249. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:17

    Every year I think about voting by mail. Pretty much everybody I know does it. But truth be told, I LIKE going to the polls on election day.

    Here in The Valley of Silliness, the polls would make a wingnut’s head explode. Usually I’m the only caucasian – looking dood in the entire building. Most of the poll workers tend to be black. LOTS of asians and latinos casting ballots.

    It really does make me swell up with pride.

    That’s the REAL AMERICA, motherfuckers…

    mikey

  250. tigrismus said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:25

    wordyeti said,

    Present and accounted for.

    So you say; I’m afraid we’re going to have to see The Buttocks to make sure.

  251. SamFromUtah said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:28

    I LIKE going to the polls on election day.

    Seconded. It’s a nice little ritual that really makes me feel like a part of it all.

    Although early voting does the same, I’m finding.

  252. Caitlin Sith said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:34

    Shorter America (in the voice of Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack”):
    “Hey everybody, we’re voting for the NIGGER!!”
    (Cue dancing, “Any way you want it, just the way you need it, any way you want it”…)

  253. PeeJ said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:39

    In OR everyone votes by mail. They don’t even have polling places. I never got around to checking out the procedure for homeless or otherwise mailing address challenged people so don’t ask.

    Also, this just in (allegedly) from the National Black Republican Association (all three of them, I guess) via Human Events:

    Obama the Slumlord
    Obama can win – unless we reveal the true Obama to blacks!

    [...]

    [the piece de resistance] If Obama’s messianic message of “hope and change” is so powerful, why are the poor people in Chicago still poor?

    I can’t beat that logic. Why did I even bother to go to cllasses like Phil 101 or Math 557? It was obviously a waste of time.

  254. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:50

    It’s not so good to wait ’til the last moment in Columbus to vote.

  255. Doctorb said,

    October 19, 2008 at 22:59

    I totally loved the Land of Make Believe when I was little. They had a (tiny little) zipline thing and probably some other stuff that was kind of fun. I went there later with my nephews and nieces and it was still a great time, although it probably isn’t fun if you aren’t there with kids (and aren’t a kid yourself).

  256. MzNicky said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:12

    Hey! I don’t recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off. Do any of you recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off? I’m double-checking their time sheets this month.

  257. MzNicky said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:18

    Also: It occurs to me that the nutzo-balls could accuse Obama of almost anything in the next two weeks, and even if there were a shred of truth to it they’d be mocked into the ground. HAW haw!! Serves their dumb asses right.

    And finally, I’d like to call ix-nay on the igger-nay word. I am aware of its usage in the new Internetual tradition of “I’m voting for the _________,” but until my bretheren and sisteren of the darker persuasion grant my lily-white ass permission to use it jocularly, and probably even then, it makes my skin crawl. Just sayin’.

  258. SamFromUtah said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:29

    Serves their dumb asses right.

    And there was much much tonguejacking of shitboxes. (Yaaaaayyy!)

    Do any of you recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off?

    As a good card-carrying socialist tovarishch, I’m willing to let them have a day of rest. At least the long-enduring post is a fun one.

  259. Smut Clyde said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:30

    Perhaps all the mad-as-a-meataxe right-wing websites have fallen silent, leaving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers with nothing to comment on.

  260. poopy Mcpants said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:36

    thankfully T-bogg hasn’t shirked his duties! Yay T!

  261. SamFromUtah said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:38

    Perhaps all the mad-as-a-meataxe right-wing websites have fallen silent, leaving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers with nothing to comment on.

    Possible, or maybe they’re all busy photoshopping party hats onto wingnuts. You have to choose just the right accessory for, say, the “GENREAL POWELL = RASCIST” screed.

  262. Lesley said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:41

    The Mormon state’s newspaper endorses Obama

  263. mikey said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:44

    Hey! I don’t recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off

    Yeah, but it’s not like anything happened today that might cause an over-reaction amongst our over-reactionary colleagues in Right Blogistan….

    mikey

  264. SamFromUtah said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:46

    The Mormon state’s newspaper endorses Obama

    I’ll be dipped. Then again, because it’s not the Deseret News, it’s a horrible liberal rag, so it doesn’t count.

  265. SamFromUtah said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:49

    …and of course the Salt Lake Tribune editors have to whine a bit about McCain not picking Romney and tonguejack the whole capital gains tax cut BS, but I’ll take it.

  266. J— said,

    October 19, 2008 at 23:54

    Editor and Publisher has been keeping track of newspaper endorsements.

  267. Lesley said,

    October 20, 2008 at 0:31

    McCain’s hired the same firm to smear Obama that smeared him in 2000.

    http://majikthise.typepad.com/majikthise_/2008/10/acorn-deluged-w.html
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/17/report-mccain-using-same_n_135699.html

  268. Smiling Mortician said,

    October 20, 2008 at 0:35

    It’s all mail-in voting in (most of) my state as well. The spouse and I received, and filled out, our ballots yesterday. Also, this is the first presidential election since our young sprout achieved voting age, so that was cool.

    I agree with those who find the physical trip to the voting booth inspiring, but I must say that mail-in voting does seem to head off certain kinds of shenanigans.

  269. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 0:35

    McCain is evidence that when you stare too long into the shit-moat, the shit-moat stares back into you.

  270. SamFromUtah said,

    October 20, 2008 at 0:38

    McCain’s hired the same firm to smear Obama that smeared him in 2000.

    I suppose they’re going to point out that Obama has black children.

    It’s bastards like those who I most hope have to go looking for a real job soon.

  271. Smiling Mortician said,

    October 20, 2008 at 0:39

    Editor and Publisher has been keeping track of newspaper endorsements.

    Yes. And it’s also great fun to spend a little time comparing this list to this one.

  272. Just Alison said,

    October 20, 2008 at 0:39

    Pee J, that comment from fivethirtyeight just keeps on giving. Nonetheless, I have to second MzNicky in suggesting that the N-word be used sparingly, if at all. Two reasons: as MzNicky points out, it’s still A Word Of Much Nastiness, and also, if any righty nutcases trip on in here they may get excited to think that we’re just like them. Who knows where that would end.

    Gotta say though, folks, the tension is really getting to me, and I don’t even live on the same side of the planet. Must be nail-biting time for you all over there.

  273. J— said,

    October 20, 2008 at 1:22

    Alright, pedants, have fun with this one. John McCain was in Ohio today.

    McCain also complained that the identities of people who contributed more than $200 million of Obama’s total take have not been reported, although that is allowable under federal law because the individual donations fall under the $200 reporting limit.

    “I’m saying it’s laying a predicate for the future that can be very dangerous,” McCain said. “History shows us where unlimited amounts of money are in political campaigns, it leads to scandal.”

    My emphasis.

    Also, he added Phil the Bricklayer, Rose the Teacher, and Wendy the Waitress to his cardboard menagerie of Real Americans. I am not making this up.

  274. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 20, 2008 at 1:30

    This is a dangerous subject.

  275. Righteous Bubba said,

    October 20, 2008 at 1:37

    “I’m saying it’s laying a predicate for the future that can be very dangerous,” McCain said.

    I’d rather be fucking a subject.

  276. SamFromUtah said,

    October 20, 2008 at 1:37

    …it’s laying a predicate for the future that can be very dangerous…

    That’s some good pseudo-egghead nonsense, all right! I assume he meant to say “precedent” – but who knows?

  277. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 1:48

    a predicate [...] that can be very dangerous
    If McCain turns school-age kids onto grammar, by creating the impression that it is edgy and extreme, then good luck to him.
    Gerundives are pretty scary too.

  278. mikey said,

    October 20, 2008 at 1:57

    Yeah, I carry a loaded predicate.

    But I don’t keep a live subject under the hammer.

    Hey, I’m not a fucking lunatic…

    mikey

  279. MzNicky said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:00

    Just Alison: Speaking for myself, I’m starting to get that ol’ standing-on-the-precipice knot in my stomach just like I do every four years around this time. 1992 was like political nirvana, when Bubba broke the 12-year Rethuglican national curse — I remember my coworkers and I practically climbing the walls in the last few days before that election, and gripping hands in a prayer-like circle on election night as if we could WILL the Democrats back into power. I’m feeling that way again — that stirring of hope that Holy Christ can it be, please can it be! and trying to get my head around the distinct possibility that things will go our way again at long long fucking last. These next two weeks will be almost unbearable, and I can’t even imagine yet what election night will be like. I guess this is what it’s like to be living in a very key moment of history.

  280. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:08

    Extensive research amongst the dusty tomes of my library reveals that “predicate” was a term used in 14th-century bestiaries to describe a yellowish leathery egg laid by a rooster, that if incubated by a toad would hatch into a cockatrice. Or cicatrice. Or something like that.
    This is why laying a predicate for the future is so dangerous.

  281. Candy said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:15

    Gerundives are pretty scary too.

    Isn’t that “gerundives” some of that thar elitist vegetable stuff, like arugula? It ain’t sound very patriotic to this here Amurcan.

    /wingnut stoopid

    MzNicky and Just Allison: I keep telling myself, reassuring myself, really, that it will all be over soon. I wish we could have election day today. I’ve never been very good at waiting on things. My whole life these days seems to be, um, predicated on waiting for events that are utterly beyond my control. This election is not fucking helping.

    I go from feeling the most delicious delight over the misery and hysteria of the wingnut camp to terror that some unforseen last minute disaster will thwart the Obama juggernaut.

  282. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:19

    tonguejack the whole capital gains tax cut BS
    Mick Jagger’s acting as the bounty-hunter character in Tonguejack was total arse.

  283. Candy said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:27

    Wow, after a furious rash of interesting posts, the Sadly staff seems to have lit out for the territories for the weekend. Isn’t this thread from Friday?

    Oh, well, I’ve got lots of work to do anyway, so I guess it’s better I don’t have any new temptations. The partner’s dad is still hanging on in hospice, my sixteen year old kid is driving me batshit insane, and the new kitten is having the occasional not-at-all-sweet-smelling accident. And I’ve got a paper or two to write. Back to the salt mine.

  284. mikey said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:30

    Nah. I’ve got THE math.

    People who want to have some kind of future?

    58%

    People who want to drive the whole fucking rig off a cliff just to kill the scary brown people and make sure government never works to benefit Americans by spending American’s tax dollars ON Americans?

    38%

    People who still think McCain’s a maverick and Palin’s brilliant?

    9%

    People who want something COMPLETELY different from bush cheney?

    70%

    Short form:

    Stupid/Suicidal 36%
    Thought about it/hopeful 48%

    This election’s over. Stick a fork in John McCain.

    Stick a fork in bush/cheney.

    Start worrying about what these assclowns are going to do as the discredited opposition.

    ‘Cause that scares the FUCK outta me…

    mikey

  285. PS said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:31

    Pace MzNicky, ’92 is nothing on ’08. I hated Papa Bush worse than Reagan, but I despise McCain even more than Papa Bush (drawing a delicate veil over the in-between Rethug), and I have more (ahem) optimism about the high-end possibilities of the Big O than I ever did about Clinton, whom I pegged before his election as having been seriously co-opted before he ever went to college.

    Put it this way: I think Obama is a centrist out of temperament and intellectual conviction, whereas Bill was a centrist because that’s where the votes were, which made him likely to lurch rightwards at any moment that seemed propitious. Sure, he was the best we’ve had since way too long, and sure Obama might conceivably turn out to be as ineffective as Carter, though I doubt it … but I think the stakes are higher this year than at any time since at least 1960.

  286. PS said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:33

    Mikey, I’m right with you on fear about next year. Those dudes are very bad losers, and some of them have access to things that go bang.

  287. Lesley said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:41

    My pet goat set a predicate, too. Or was that a presidential predicate?

  288. g said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:43

    Well, it’s clear they’re going to try to rat-fuck the election and Obama as president elect.

    But we just need to NOT LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT.

  289. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:54

    In Russian grammar, subject modifies predicate!

  290. McCain said,

    October 20, 2008 at 2:59

    I’m a rat-fucker and I approve this message

  291. Snorghagen said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:06

    The endorsement lists (see Smiling Mortician at 0:39) are pretty interesting. Compare the number of Nobel Laureates who’ve endorsed Obama with the number listed under McCain.

    On the other hand, McCain has captured the all-important Pat Boone endorsement.

    As for the election, I’m not very worried about it. That’s not because I’m certain that McCain’s going to lose – I’m never certain about anything in American politics – but because I tend to be highly fatalistic about large events I have little control over, even ones I’m intensely interested in. I don’t know why I react that way, but I’m glad that I do.

  292. The Zombies of Pine Cove said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:06

    Wow, after a furious rash of interesting posts, the Sadly staff seems to have lit out for the territories for the weekend. Isn’t this thread from Friday?

    Sorry, their brains looked so tasty, and once we got started we couldn’t stop. [burp]

  293. mikey said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:07

    Those dudes are very bad losers, and some of them have access to things that go bang.

    I’m your huckleberry.

    Tha’s JUST my game…

    mikey

  294. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:13

    On the other hand, McCain has captured the all-important Pat Boone endorsement.

    Needs youtube.

    Bonus: Crazy Train

  295. FrontierChronicle said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:17

    Cheney endorses Obama.

  296. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:23

    FrontierChronicle said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:17

    Cheney endorses Obama.

    I see you, and raise!

  297. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:33

    Perhaps the next time they should hide the sand in a large wooden rabbit…

  298. Teh Abominable Dr. Phibes said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:48

    If the radioactive sand plan fails, I will resort to the scorpions… or the man-eating eagle… or my personal favourite, the “golden-snake-through-the-head” plan.

  299. Teh Abominable Dr. Phibes said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:15

    Death by radioactive sand at the 1.08 mark.

  300. Caitlin Sith said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:16

    I suppose they’re going to point out that Obama has black children.

    I think it’s quite clear Karl Rove would whisper that Obama has white children. In fact, I’d be surprised if someone didn’t look more closely at the melanin levels of Sasha and Malia and speculate about that. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have fucked a lot of Dominican housemaids in my time, and none– NONE– of my little banana-picking Limbaughrinos down there turned out as light as Sasha.”

  301. BJS said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:30

    300 comments! SPARTA!!!!

  302. Zarquon said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:32

    Sand pirates

  303. FrontierChronicle said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:33

    SPARTA!!!!

    Sorry, BJS.

    You’re off by one. Into the Pit of Death with you.

  304. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:48

    But the deputy commissioner for crime at the Jamaica Constabulary Force, Mark Shields, insisted this was not an open-and-shut case.

    “It’s a very complex investigation because it involves so many aspects,” he told the BBC.

    “You’ve got the receivers of the stolen sand, or what we believe to be the sand. The trucks themselves, the organisers and, of course, there is some suspicion that some police were in collusion with the movers of the sand.”

    Police said they were carrying out forensic tests on beaches along the coast to see if any of it matches the stolen sand.

    Where’s my sand, Beaches!

  305. MaineMan said,

    October 20, 2008 at 4:55

    Wow! You guys are STILL HERE?! FTW!?

    Geez! At least take a vitamin D supplement, will ya?

  306. BJS said,

    October 20, 2008 at 5:00

    I got my loin cloth and body oil out in honor of passing the 300th comment not that I was the 300th specifically. Let me have my fun!

  307. stryx said,

    October 20, 2008 at 5:01

    Hey, has Bruce stopped by yet?

  308. Righteous Bubba said,

    October 20, 2008 at 5:04

    Let me have my fun!

    Enjoy laying your very own predicate.

  309. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 5:36

    Since I laid my predicate, the future’s full of danger.
    The MSM, once cordial, is calling me a stranger.
    The debate flopped, the base collapsed, the cat keeps doing poo.
    The only thing that keeps me sane is talking to my shoe.

  310. Me said,

    October 20, 2008 at 5:45

    Umm, Sadly’s? Wakey wakey. One of you in one of your seven timezones, or whatever it is, please attend. Thanks.

  311. FrontierChronicle said,

    October 20, 2008 at 5:55

    I just noticed something.

    The first photo of this post says ‘ALL ABOARD THE FAILBOAT’.

    Or does it? Look at it closely. What it really says (using lower-case for demonstration purposes) is:

    ‘Aii aboard the failboat’.

    Are you as shocked as I am? SadlyNo!’s editorial rigor was Our Last Best Hope. Now this.

    Wait. Unless…

    This can only be a coded message from Caliph Soros. Aiieee! Aboard the failboat!! You see. Obama wants America to fail.

    Has techdude looked into this? Is the KernersRGo team scrambling from its barracks?

    By Wednesday this could be a scandal on the order of ‘Listick on a Pig’, perhaps even rising to ‘arugula’ controversy levels.

  312. alec said,

    October 20, 2008 at 6:04

    Wow! You guys are STILL HERE?! FTW!?

    Geez! At least take a vitamin D supplement, will ya?

    Sunday is a day of rest for the Sadly crew, unlike we heathens.

  313. Candy said,

    October 20, 2008 at 6:13

    Hey, has Bruce stopped by yet?

    I miss Bruce.

  314. Candy said,

    October 20, 2008 at 6:40

    Misses Palin doggone it.

    In Russia, teh funneh kills you.

  315. Candy said,

    October 20, 2008 at 6:44

    Crap! The video seems to no longer be available. I swear I just watched the fucker not ten minutes ago!

    I’m too tired to search for it elsewhere. I’ll try to find it tomorrow. It was really funny.

    now, after performing an amazing, never before attempted triple lutz post, I believe I’ll go to the showers.

  316. Smut Clyde said,

    October 20, 2008 at 7:02

    Corrected version of Pome at 5:36:

    Since I laid my predicate, the future’s full of danger.
    The MSM, once cordial, is calling me a stranger.
    The debate flopped, the base collapsed, they shun my Bar-B-Q.
    The only words that comfort me are P-O-W.

  317. Strangething said,

    October 20, 2008 at 7:21

    I guess they could bring Wildcat around just to punch whoever needed punching, because that’s what he does.

    Huh.

    Doesn’t sound like you need super powers for that.

    Can I apply for a job like that?

    I’m thinking I’d see a reduction in pent-up anger issues…

    Now super powers required. You just have to wear a cat mask with whiskers on it. And punch people.

  318. Strangething said,

    October 20, 2008 at 7:26

    Err, “no super powers”.

    After I did all that formatting, too…

  319. McCain said,

    October 20, 2008 at 7:40

    Wow! You guys are STILL HERE?! FTW!?

    At least we’re in the living room. Apparently some white supremacists have been holed up in a cave below the basement in some ancient archived thread. Has anyone checked it lately?

  320. actor212 said,

    October 20, 2008 at 15:52

    Gerundives are pretty scary too.

    Why? I have to use those now instead of arugula to keep my “real American” creds!!!?!?!?!?!?

  321. wordyeti said,

    October 21, 2008 at 0:31

    Present and accounted for.

    Tigrisimus:

    So you say; I’m afraid we’re going to have to see The Buttocks to make sure.

    Um. Would that be my buttocks? ‘Cause years of cutting & editing video & Flash animation have contributed to a general downward trend in the posterior region.

    There’s some cute little sasquatch personal trainers I know that might fit the bill, however.

    (kudos to Mikey for the “Tombstone” reference … although I desperately hope it does not come to that in this country. Civil war, seen up close, is about as bad a thing as you can imagine.)

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